03x01 - The Summer of Us

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bizaardvark". Aired June 24, 2016 - April 2019.*
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"Bizaardvark" follows two 12 year-old best friends, who post funny songs and comedic videos about their everyday lives on the Internet.
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03x01 - The Summer of Us

Post by bunniefuu »

I hope we get in! I hope we get in!

Congratulations!

No way!

We got into the Vuuugle House?

What? No.

Amelia Duckworth just entered the room.

Congratulations!

Amelia, today's the day
Liam tells everyone

if they got accepted
into the Vuuugle House.

Aren't you nervous?

I haven't really thought about it.

You haven't thought about it?

It's a mansion on the beach

where we get to live and make videos

all summer long!

Eh, if I get in, I get in,

if I don't, I don't.

It's not a big deal.

Hello, girls.

Spill it, robot man!

Did I get into the house?

This is a big deal!

Amelia...

put me down.

Okay. You look stupid in turtlenecks.

Liam...

did we get into the Vuuugle House?

And before you answer,

I love the new beard.

Thanks.

It helps hide my smile.

Oh, and yes.

You all got in.

Commence screaming.

And silence!

Of course, I will need
your parents to sign

all the appropriate consent forms.

Done!

Pretend to read. Seems fine.

Okay.

This is the first year
of the Vuuugle House,

and getting in is a big deal.

So from the bottom of my heart...

yay.

This is gonna be the best summer ever.

I'm sorry you guys didn't get in.

Uh, we all got...

Ah, she'll figure it out.

But she's right.

This is gonna be the perfect summer.

The summer of us!

Ooh, I like that.

Hey, guys! What has two thumbs...?

Uh, almost everyone on Earth?

Aah! I forgot the second part.

Anyways, great news.

I'm gonna be joining you guys

at the Vuuugle House this summer.

You are? Does Liam know about this?

Of course he does!

Bernie Schotz is an essential cog

in the Vuuugle machine.

How else would I get in?

You know the only reason you got in here

is 'cause I was hired to be one
of the adult chaperones, right?

Grandma, this stinks!

People got into the Vuuugle
House because they're talented.

I want to earn my spot
like everyone else.

Bernard, you're not like everyone else.

You're the grandson
of the lady chaperone.

That does make me heir
to the lady chaperone fortune.

But I wanna be in this house
because I deserve it.

I wanna hear it from Liam.

Yes?

Oh, right.

Yes, this house is equipped
with remote Liam access.

You say my name, and I appear.

I know. It's creepy.

I like it.

Yeah? I know how technology works.

Channing Tatum!

Aah, this house stinks.

I'm gonna go get my tankini
out of the trunk.

Liam, I want to be in this house

for doing something creative.

Like, what if I start my own vlog?

"Bernie Calls the Schotz."

If it's good enough, will you tell me

I belong in the Vuuugle House?

Fine.

Good! Because a man's purpose in life...

Oh, no. He's still talking.

Bernie! Look!

Flying mermaids!

Where?!

What up, Bern Dogs?

Woof! Woof!

Welcome to episode one
of Bernie Calls the Schotz.

Today, I'm about to be the first one

inside the Vuuugle House.

Woo-hoo! - Vuuugle House!

- Summertime!
- First ones here!

Fifth one inside the Vuuugle House!

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

Whoa.

Check out this kitchen!

There's a cupcake tube!

Frankie, I found a new best friend!

Sorry!

Whatever!

I'm about to attempt the summer's

first trampoline jump into the foam pit!

Way ahead of you, toots!

Hey, Frankie, come out here!

Oh my gosh! Look at this deck!

Oh my gosh! Look at this game room!

Oh my gosh! Look at this deck!

Oh. We were already out here.

All right, Bern Dogs.

Here's your inside peek
at a garbage disposal.

Can't see it.

Light, light, light.

Garbage disposal.

Bernie, are you okay?

You know how I've been Bizaardvark's
agent the past few years?

No.

Now, I want to do something bigger.

I wanna make videos like you guys.

I wanna be in this house
because I deserve it

and because I'm talented.

Bernie, I'm gonna help you.

Really? You're gonna help me?

Hey, what are friends for?

Wow.

Thanks, Amelia.

No, I'm genuinely asking.

What are friends for?

This house is amazing!

I never wanna leave!

This is truly going to be
the perfect summer.

The Summer of Us.

- Ready to check out our room?
- You know it.

Vuuugle House!

Two months where we can run around

and scream as loud as we want!

Wait. Is it possible

that everything in this house
is made of candy?

Only one way to find out.

Not candy.

Not candy.

- Not candy.
- Not candy.

Not candy.

Not candy!

Not candy.

Frankie, why are there little kids

in our relaxing summer dream house?

I don't know.

I'm not candy!

How are we supposed
to have a perfect summer

with a bunch of screaming, licking
ten-year-olds ruining everything?

I think everything's gonna be great.

Are you feeling okay?

Those words have literally
never come out of your mouth.

Paige, you may not know this about me,

but I, occasionally, lose my temper.

What! You?

What?

But since we're spending
the summer on the beach,

I wanted to be more chill,

so I started doing these
breathing exercises.

They really help me stay
positive, and not get worked up.

Coming through, guys!
Gonna be using your hallway

for lunges a lot this summer.

Enjoy, Bernie.

You're looking ripped.

See? Everything's gonna be great!

We get to live together, we
get to hang out at the beach,

and we're gonna make
a ton of funny videos.

Yeah, you know what, you're right.

This is the Summer of Us and
nothing's gonna change that.

There's no way two little kids
are gonna ruin our summer.

I mean, we're barely gonna see 'em.

Yes?

Oh, uh, I said "see 'em" not "Liam."

I'm beginning to see the
flaw in this technology.

Whatever.

Let's go see our room.

I can't wait to kick back

on our fancy beach house beds!

Or child-sized bunk beds.

Maybe we can get
another bed for my legs.

I see an ocean view with my name on it.

Hello, Mali...

Boo.

Can we at least hear the ocean?

We can hear things
that end up in the ocean.

Hello? Are you...

Oh my gosh! This room is amazing!

- Is that the ocean?
- Yeah!

There's a family of sea otters
on the beach.

You can...

You can see sea otters?

Frankie, they can see sea otters!

I don't care, Paige.

My legs fit.

My legs fit!

Okay, I know you already
tried to lick my luggage,

but who are you guys?

I'm Zane. I'm here because I have

a pretty legendary unboxing channel.

Oh, okay, that's cool.

So you, like, film yourself
opening up boxes of toys?

Oh. That's funny you think that.

I don't just open boxes.

I tell stories,

paint pictures,

change lives.

The flaps of every box

are like the gates of Heaven.

Opening them...

is like unleashing
the power of the universe.

Oh, cool!

It's a flashlight
that plays angel music.

It's a pretty sweet channel.

My mom runs the whole thing with me.

The password is "Linda."

Is that your mom's name?

No. Why?

My name's Rodney.

My channel also changes lives.

Hey, everybody!

Welcome to another episode of

What's in M'Hair?

♪ What, what, what, what ♪

♪ What's in my hair? ♪

All right.

Spaghetti and meatballs!

Nice!

And that was another episode of

What's in M'Hair?

♪ What, what, what, what ♪

♪ What's in my hair? ♪

It's a pretty sweet channel.

My mom, Linda runs
the whole thing with me.

The password is "Barbara."

You know, you guys really shouldn't be

giving away your passwords.

Sweet!

Our first Vuuugle House lesson!

Yeah.

Wow. You guys seem tight.

- How long have you been friends?
- Oh, we go way back.

Hey, I'm Rodney.

- I'm Zane!
- Wanna be best friends?

You know it.

Mom! I have a best friend!

You can go now!

Nice meeting you, Linda!

Wait, so you just met

and you're already best friends?

We're ten!

Well, it was nice meeting you guys.

Come on, Paige, let's go.

No, please don't
make me leave the sea otters!

They're so much cuter than plumbing!

All right, I know you wanna feel

like you belong in this house,

so I'm gonna help you
make your first music video.

I'm not really a music video guy.

I'm more of a cashew guy.

Yum.

Anything there?

No!

Music videos are a great way

to announce new talent
to the Vuuugle world.

I already recorded a song

with a sick b*at.

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Hey, hey ♪

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: Ah!

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Coo-coo ♪

♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪

Okay, that is fire.

I know!

Just follow my dance moves,

and I'll edit it all together

to make you look awesome.

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Hey, hey ♪

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: Ah!

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- No, no, no.

- You're turning the wrong way.
- Wait. I think I got it.

Aw, my cashews.

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Hey, hey ♪

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: Ah!

- ♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Coo-coo ♪

♪ Bernie calls the Schotz ♪

You edited me out?

Or you could think of it

as I edited everything else in.

Amelia, I have to come up

with an amazing video idea on my own

or else I don't belong in this house.

You're the only one in this video!

I'm not the only one.

♪ Roz comin' in hot,
like a platter of fajitas ♪

♪ Rhymes so fast, they be
spotted like cheetahs ♪

That is also straight fire.

Great. First they get the big room,

now they're keeping me awake.

The Summer of Us.

The Summer...

of Us.

Okay, no sleep.

At least I can have a little
fresh fruit in the morning.

Who eats all the bananas

and just leaves the peels?

- Zane and Rodney.
- Gaah!

Paige, it's okay.

They're growing boys.
They need potassium.

I miss the old Frankie!

Now this, I can handle.

All summer long, sister.

You know, I made that lemonade.

It was artisanal, Frankie.


Artisanal!

Paige, sweetheart,

bubbeleh...

they're kids, you gotta let it go.

Let's just do what we do best:
make videos.

Okay. You're right. We got this.

Hey guys, what's up?

- I'm Paige.
- I'm Frankie.

And we're Bizaard...

Bizaardvark.

Awesome!

Bizaardvar...

That's it!

I tried letting it go,

but they keep giving it back!

Let's take a walk!

We can't live like this.

There's my girl!

- They're ruining the Summer of Us!
- Preach!

We need to get rid of 'em.

Like, what if we figured out a way

to get 'em in trouble with Liam?

Yeah.

- We should frame them.
- Yes. Like, uh...

What if we stole a bunch of stuff

and put it in Zane and Rodney's room?

Everyone would think they did it.

And they'd get kicked out of the house,

and we're here for the rest
of the summer sittin' pretty

'cause that's how we sit!

That sounds like quite the plan.

- Thanks!
- Thanks!

I thought you two
would be role models here.

Instead, you plot against kids

who could be the future of Vuuugle?

The... Fuuugle?

Nah, that doesn't work.

Paige, Frankie,

I've very disappointed in you.

I have no choice but to kick you out

of this house for the summer.

- What?
- No!

The Fut-uuugle! Nah, that's worse.

Zane and Rodney ruined everything.

The Summer of Us has become...

the Winter of Them.

- Now what are we gonna do all summer?
- I don't know.

Hey, can we come in?

Sure.

What are you doing here?

We were bummed when we heard you left.

We didn't even get a selfie.

You want a selfie with us?

Of course!

We're huge Bizaardvark fans.

Yeah! After we met you two,

we spent all night watching your videos.

Gaah!

And your videos aren't just hilarious,

they totally inspired us.

Now we can make chocolate bananas!

Just like Bizaardvark!

And we were so stoked
to hang out with you.

Okay! Now's our chance.

Remember. I'm gonna ask them
if they want some lemonade,

and then you're gonna hand it to them.

I-I don't know what happened!

I panicked!

It's cool. I don't think they noticed.

So everything we thought was...

was actually because...

which means...

Oh!

Wait. What was all that
door slamming the other night?

Oh. We were just having
a door slamming contest.

We're ten!

Um, guys, there's something
else we need to tell you.

Uh...

We didn't leave the house.

We were kicked out

because we tried to frame you guys

and get you kicked out.

Us?

Why would you do that to someone

you shared a house with?

That's like doing something
mean to your own family.

He's right.

We were so focused on the Summer of Us,

we didn't think about the Summer of Us.

We're so sorry, guys.

It's okay. We forgive you.

Really? That fast?

Oh, 'cause you're ten.

Now come back to the house with us!

We can't. We're banned.

The security gate has
instructions not to let us in.

Liam won't accept our calls,

and we can't even get in front of him.

I think I know a way
to get you in front of him.

What are you doing?!

Proving I'm creative enough
to be in this house.

I'm gonna shock the Internet

and film myself taking a bath

in a pool of poisonous snakes.

What?! Where did you get snakes?

I got a snake guy.

Bernie, you can't do this.

You could get seriously hurt!

Maybe, but it'll be worth it

to show the world that
I deserve to be in this house.

The doorbell?

In the middle of the afternoon?

Who could that be?

Wow.

That is weird.

It's for Liam.

What?

You got a package, dude.

Oh, goody!

Uh, Zane, will you do the honors?

Sure!

Just let me do my hand stretches first.

Uh, one, two, three, four, five.

One, two, three, four, five.

Ooh!

Rodney, my unboxing gloves, please!

What mysteries await
in these cardboard walls?

This box has six sides,

as a reminder that there are many sides

to every story.

That's Zane. We haven't met yet,

but I'm pretty sure we're gonna be bros.

Oh, look!

This box is made of
recycled cardboard...

cardboard that was
given a second chance.

We all deserve a second
chance, don't you think?

All of us!

Including Paige

and Frankie!

My word.

That boy might just be
the future of Vuuugle.

The Vuuu-ture!

That's it! I knew there
was something there!

Liam, we are so sorry.

You were right.

We should've been role models,

but...

instead, we were selfish.

This summer isn't about just us.

It's about spending time
with our whole Vuuugle family.

Whaddya say, Liam?

Can you pull some forgiveness
out of that face hair?

I suppose.

I will need a note
from your parents saying...

Done!

Paige, Frankie,

let's be honest.

I'm not going to read those.

You're back in the house.

Wow! What a moment!

It'd be awesome if someone could film

behind-the-scenes house stuff
like that all summer.

Someone who could really call the sh*ts.

Ah, well.

Bernie, that's actually a good idea.

Thank you!

I know a few people who'd be great

if you want their names.

He's talking about you!

Bernie Schotz?

And your show?

Bernie Calls the Schotz?

Where you call the sh*ts?

Well, let me know
if you need those names.

Bernie!

He's saying you're in.

You'd be in this house
because you deserve it.

Really, Liam? I'm in?

Yes, Bernie. You're in.

Yes!

Thanks for believing in me, Amelia.

You're welcome!

Wait.

What happened to the snake
that was around your neck?

- ♪ Bernie lost a snake ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Hiss-hiss ♪

- ♪ Bernie lost a snake ♪
- Bernie: ♪ Bite-bite ♪

♪ Bernie lost a snake ♪

Whoa!

You guys have bunk beds?

Can I lie on the top?

No, the bottom!

No, the top!

Oh, there's so many choices!

And no ocean view? Lucky!

You have no idea what the sea
breeze does to these curls.

This may seem crazy,

but would you, maybe,
consider switching rooms?

You know, I could get used to this.

Door slamming contest!

Well, if you can't b*at 'em!
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