03x09 - Who Is Horse Face Guy?

[bunniefuu]

Horse Face Guy posted a new video!

I'm up.

Ooh, I can't wait to see

what he's gonna pull out of there.

It's a lunchbox.

So I'm guessing a sandwich
and a thermos.

- Oh Amelia...
- Sweetie...

Our little blond gefilte fish.

Horse Face Guy would never
pull lunch out of a lunchbox.

He's way more random. Watch.

Whooaaa.

I don't get it.

That's the beauty of Horse Face Guy.

He's impossible to get.

You can't put him in a box.

Or a lunchbox!

Yeah, I wouldn't high five that either.

All right, things got sparkly,
I'm interested.

Whooaaa.

Paige, Frankie,

my little matzo balls...

I still don't get it.

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

Police have described the m*rder*r as

"could be anyone,

could be anywhere."

And finally tonight,

it seems we have
a celebrity in our midst.

Local Vuuugler Horse Face Guy

has created a new dance craze

that is taking the Internet by storm.

Oh, we're back?

People are calling it "The Horsie."

And with twenty million views
and counting,

it's safe to say that "Horse Face Mania"

is here to stay.

Thanks for watching. I'm Lou Scoopmaker.

Good might, Nalibu.

Agh, Lou, you almost had it!

Wow, Horse Face Guy's dance
is really blowing up.

Nana, I saw you dancing on the news!

No, I don't know
if Lou Scoopmaker's single.

Well then tell Grandpa
to grow a mustache.

Dude, congrats!
The Horsie is blowing up!

Bring it in, m' horse brother!

Everyone online is talking about you.

The world wants to see your face.

Paige, Horse Face Guy
doesn't want to reveal

his true identity to the world.

His whole brand is based on mystery.

But this could be huge for him. And me.

I've gone weeks without sleeping

just wondering who he is.

Weeks. Wondering.

I'm sorry.

Are you gonna take off your mask or not?

The whole world wants to know:

Who. Is. Horse Face Guy?

Who are you talking to?

Guys, Horse Face Guy is not gonna reveal

his true identity to the world.

He's an artist.

And how do I know this?

Because he makes me feel
pretty confused,

a little scared, and also kind of dumb.

The way all good artists should.

Well it's not up to us.

The only one who can decide
is Horse Face Guy.

He says he has a lot to think
about and will now do so

during a long and thoughtful
walk on the beach.

What will he decide?

When will he come back?

Who. Is. Horse Face Guy?

Now who are you talking to?

Whoever you were talking to.

Alright.

You guys are doing it too?

Why is everyone doing this Horsie dance?

It's not even that good.

It's just this.

And then this.

And one of these.

Aw yeah, shoulders, bring it home.

See? It's catchy.

That's why it's up to 20 million views.

20 million?

My most popular video
only got five million views.

Oh yeah, I saw that one.

When you had Horse Face
Guy on as a guest.

Don't poke the lion, Zane,

unless you want to hear her roar.

Are you the lion?

It's settled then.

And with you two as my witness,

I shall make a video that gets
more views than "The Horsie."

Pretty sure she's the lion, bro.

What's going on?

Horse Face Guy has a big announcement.

I think he's gonna reveal
who he really is.

Did somebody tell Frankie?

I have been waiting for this moment

for as long as I can remember.

You said you were saving
that dress for my wedding!

This is bigger, Paige.

Oh, here he is.

I don't know what's gonna happen

but I can't wait for it to happen.

Guys, nothing's gonna happen.

I'm telling you,

he's not gonna reveal his identity.

He's not even gonna speak.

I have decided to speak.

And I rest my case.

Wait, what?

I've given it a lot of thought,

and after the success of my video

now feels like the right time
to share my voice.

And what a lovely voice it is!

- Thank you, Frankie.
- He said my name.

I love your videos, Bizaardvark.

He said "Bizaardvark!"

Wow, it's been so long

since I've said my thoughts out loud.

He said "Wow, it's been so long

since I've said my thoughts out loud!"

I have a question, horse human.

How the heck did your video
get 20 million views?

Actually, it's up to 22 million.

The lion is getting ready to roar.

Huh, that doesn't look
like Horse Face Guy's phone.

Well, that's all for now.

Thanks for coming, everyone.

That is not how Horse
Face Guy give a thumbs up.

That's not the real Horse Face Guy.

That man is a Horse Face Lie.

Not coo, not coo.

Psst. Guys.

I need to talk to you
but it's super secret

and has to take place
in a private, secure location.

- No.
- Okay, I'll come to you.

Guys, I have big news.

That is not the real Horse Face Guy.

What are you talking about?

He's real, he's glorious,

and he makes a chocolate chip pancake

that'll make your mama say,

"Mmm, that's a good
chocolate chip pancake."

No, I'm telling you. Something's off.

I can feel it in my butt.

My gut. Tell everyone I said my gut.

Doorbell.

- What the...?
- I got the app.

Roman Winwood, come on in!

Horse Face Guy!

Sorry I am late. I was playing mini-golf

with Lin Manuel Miranda.

Did you tell everybody the big news?

I was waiting for you.

Hey everyone...

I'm giving Horse Face Guy
his own Internet special!

Roman Winwood likes to give
the good news himself.

It's gonna be streaming live

and there's gonna be tons of other acts.

Plus at the end
I'm gonna take off this mask

and reveal myself to the world.

Why'd you gasp? You already knew.

Huh? Oh I just saw
some chocolate chip pancakes.

Yes please.

Wow, Horse Face Guy,

taking off your mask
in front of the entire world?

That's so unlike you!

Well, this special's a big deal.

It's gonna be streamed worldwide.

Also, I hear Bizaardvark's performing.

Oh, they are?

- Wait, we're Bizaardvark!
- We're in the show?

We're in the show!

We're in the show high-five!

Oh hey, Amelia. What about you?

Want to be on my special?

They say millions of people
are gonna be streaming it.

Millions of people?

That means whatever I do
on the show could go viral.

Then I'd get more views

than that stupid Horsie dance.

Did you just mean to say that out loud?

I'm in your show. No take-backs. Bye!

Horse Face Guy, we are
honored to be in your show.

Thank you so much.

Hey, anything for my buds.

Did you just see that?

That is not how Horse Face
Guy does a thumbs up.

He's a confident one-armer,

not a people-pleasing two-thumber.

Bernie, the greatest
American I've ever met

just offered us a spot
on a live internet special.

So unless you've got proof
that doesn't involve thumbs,

I suggest you stop
besmirching the good name

of that national treasure.

I'm right.

And once I'm done
besmirching for evidence,

you'll see just how right I am.

Hey!

One of ya'll got a doggie bag?

I've got an escape room
with Pink in an hour.

I'll just bring the plate back.

Biceps jacked...

Biceps slightly more jacked...

It's so obvious!

You're Horse Face Guy,
you're Horse Fake Guy.

Wow, I'm on fire today.

Yo Bernie, you down here?

Nah, I'm just... I'm not doing anything.

I'm just down here.

I just wanted to come down,

have a quick chat with my bud.

It just feels like
ever since I started talking,

you've been acting differently.

What?

I mean... What?

Listen, my life's been
a roller coaster lately.

And all the changes
have been hard for me.

I'm just glad I've got a good
bud like you I can count on.

Wow.

I never thought of it that way.

Sorry I've been acting so weird.

Bring it in, m' horse brother.

Alright.

No, I was talking about
our signature high-five.

Oh, right.

I knew that.

Alright, this and then...

Around and then... Oh, you're down.

Ah-ha!

You walked right into my trap.

The real Horse Face Guy
would know our high five.

You're not the real Horse Face Guy.

You're right. I'm not.

You're not?

I was right?

For the first time in my life,

I was right!

Now I've got you both.

Horse Face Guy, I'm really scared.

But I was right.

Hey guys, what are you doing?

We're working on our performance

for Horse Face Guy's show tonight.

It's top secret.

We can not talk about it.

- Cool.
- Later.

It's actually the biggest idea

Bizaardvark's ever done.

There's gonna be stunts,
a smoke machine, pyro...

So much pyro!

Oh, don't forget about the costumes.

Oh, yeah. The costumes.

Do you wanna just show us
the whole thing?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Yeah, you got ten minutes?
- I'll go get the pyro!

I bet you're wondering
what I plan on doing with you

now that I've brought you
to my secret lair.

Lair? This looks like
your childhood bedroom.

How can it be my childhood bedroom

if I still live here?

Who are you anyway?

And why are you doing this?

You wanna know who I am?

I'll tell you who I am.

Ted Mulcahy!

Oh my... wait, I don't know you.

Horse Face Guy and I
actually met in kindergarten.

We bonded over our love
of comic books, baseball.

And oh yeah,

we both wore animal masks at all times.

They called me Chicken Face Kid.

And soon, Horse Face Guy
and I hit the big time.

That's right.

The local birthday party circuit.

The party scene was good to us.

I mean, we were making literally
hundreds of dollars a year.

But it wasn't good enough
for Horse Face Guy.

He wanted to make internet videos.

Horse Face Guy went on to success

because he had talent.

Whereas I, according to
Birthday Party magazine,

"was depressing" and "refused to leave."

Check, and check.

And in a few hours, my master
plan will be complete.

'Cause when I take off this horse mask,

the world will think that Ted Mulcahy

is the real Horse Face Guy.

Then I'll be rich and famous.

And you'll be nobody.

I'm gonna ruin your life
the way that you ruined mine.

And you're gonna watch it all.

It doesn't start for a couple hours.

Hey. Hey, do you think you could put on

like, the sports channel or something?

I don't have the package.

What's up, y'all?

We are streaming live.

And today, by the end of the hour,

we will have an answer to the question:

Who. Is. Horse Face Guy?

Oooh, I wonder who it's gonna be.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Ladies and gentleman, Zane the Unboxer.

Hello. As you know, I unbox.

So you might be expecting me

to unbox Horse Face Guy

out of this human sized box.

But Horse Face Guy
always thinks outside the box.

So please welcome...

Horse Face Guy!

Oh wait, you were in the box?

Sorry, I missed rehearsal,

I was at Hebrew school.

Oh this? Don't ask.

It's all for our top secret performance.

We enter in a cloud of smoke,

then the pyro blasts us into...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blah, blah, blah, Bizaardvark.

Uh, that is not what we do at all.

It's Bizaardvark.

Hey, where's Bernie?

Hmm, I don't know. I haven't seen him.

That's weird. Him and
Horse Face Guy are tight.

I'm calling him.

Hello? Help!

It's Bernie and I'm tied up.

With important business.

So I can't come to the phone.

Gotcha!

Leave a message.

Ugh, his outgoing messages
are the worst.

sh**t, it's recording.

Uh, hey Bernie! Miss you, call me. Bye!

Good save.

Who wants souvenir
Horse Face Guy t*nk tops?

Okay. You caught it.

That's twelve dollars.

Hey, isn't that your phone?

It must be in the room.

We're saved!

Phone, call Frankie.

There are no saved numbers that match.

Okay, uh.

Oh! I'll just go through
your recent calls.

Okay, uh...

Call most recent number.

Okay, calling NASA.

Um, next most recent.

Okay, calling the Western New Mexico

Minor League Hockey Commissioner.

Next most recent.

Calling Steph Curry.

Dude, what is your life?

Yo, we are so close to finding out

who is Horse Face Guy.

But first, we got a special
performance from my man Rodney

and the What's In M' Hair Dancers!

♪ What, what, what, what ♪

♪ What's in my hair? ♪

♪ What, what, what, what ♪

♪ What's in my hair? ♪

♪ Put your hands together ♪

♪ From Japan to Venice ♪

♪ For Rodney the rapper ♪

♪ I'm a freestyle menace ♪

♪ Now I know you're askin' ♪

♪ What's in m'hair? ♪

♪ But by the time I'm done rappin' ♪

♪ Man you just won't care ♪

♪ I'd love to keep rollin'
like a kid on a bike ♪

♪ But it's time to park this rhyme ♪

♪ And drop the mic ♪

♪ What, what, what, what ♪

♪ What's in my hair? ♪

Calling Ebeneezer McDougal,

World Record Holder
for longest toenails.

Ew! Next.

Calling Frankie Wong.

Coo, coo.

Calling the Coo-Coo Clock Headquarters

in Heidelberg, Germany.

No, no, no, go back. Call Frankie Wong!

Playing "Stanky Song".

Okay, okay. Well call
Frankie back after this song.

This is my jam.

And freeze, and reverse.

Time for Amelia Duckworth
to make internet history.

I hope you like the song
I'm modeling to.

Listen closely, there's
a subtle message in it.

You are all being hypnotized.

You will watch this video

'til it has more views than "The Horsie"

Once again, you are all
being hypnotized.

Can't believe we're next.

Horse Face Guy?

That's weird. He's on stage.

- Hello?
- Frankie! Frankie.

I found the real Horse Face
Guy and we need your help.

When are you gonna give this up?

It's not funny anymore.

No, I'm serious.

We're being held c*ptive
by the fake Horse Face Guy.

Someone needs to come rescue us

before he unmasks himself to the world.

Oh my gosh. He was right all along.

That's not the real Horse Face Guy.

Okay, Bernie, we're friend
tracking you right now.

We'll be there soon.

Amelia, we need you
to go on that stage and stall.

It's an emergency. Bernie's in trouble.

Bernie's in trouble?

I would do anything...

for more stage time.

Let's go rescue our friends.

I'll bring the pyro.

Fake Horse Face Guy
is gonna unmask himself soon.

We're running out of time!

Did someone order a rescue?

With a side of rock?

♪ It's Bizaardvark's Biggest Rescue! ♪

Yeah, let's do it just like that.

Huh? Oh look. Door's unlocked.

Oh, that's probably good.

I have no idea how to work this pyro.

Don't worry, guys. We're here.

Thank you. Thank you.

I could not watch anymore Amelia.

Wee!

Wee!

Time to play...

Whack-A-Human.

We're not stalling.

We're not stalling.

We're not stalling.

We're not stalling.

Does it seem like they're stalling?

I don't know.

Ever since that little
blond girl hypnotized me,

I don't know what's going on.

Why don't we wrap this up

and get to the unmasking?

That's a good idea.

I've got midnight blowing
with Ed Sheeran.

Thank you, thank you.

That was...

something.

Now, it's time for the moment
we've all been waiting for.

It's time to find out...
Who. Is. Horse Face Guy?

Stop the show!

The person under that mask

isn't who you think it is.

You've been watching an imposter.

This is the real Horse Face Guy.

- Who's who?
- I don't know.

This is awful.

This is viewers!

How are we gonna figure out

who's fake and who's real?

There's only one way to know for sure.

Both of you do the Horsie dance.

Am I doing it?

Feels like I'm doing it.

Officer, there's your man.

No, no, no.

No! I'm Horse Face Guy!

I'm the real Horse Face Guy.

I can prove it.

Um, neigh! Neigh!

That was weird, huh?

But we got
this Horse Face Guy right here.

So why don't we just unmask this sucker?

Show your face!

Show your face! Show your face!

Show your face!

Guys, no.

Listen, Horse Face Guy
didn't want any of this.

You really wanna know
who Horse Face Guy is?

He's my friend.

And if keeping his identity a secret

is important to him,
then it's important to me.

And as his fans, it should be important

to all of you too.

This.

This is why I entertain.

Everybody get your butts out your chairs

and show some love to Horse Face Guy!

Let's do the Horsie!

Lou Scoopmaker here
to break another hot scoop.

Oh, uh. You missed it.

They already took
the fake Horse Face Guy to jail.

So, not a hot scoop?

In that case, mind if I dance?

Thank you, Bernie,

for always believing in me.

I don't want to show
my face to the world,

but I do want to show you.

Tom Brady?

What? No.

John Cena?

- No.
- Jimmy Fallon?

No.

Paul Rudd?

- No.
- Chris Pratt?

- No.
- Channing Tatum?

- No!
- Zac Efron?

This was a mistake.