03x12 - Eye of the Duckworth

[bunniefuu]

And we are officially finished

with our first batch
of fresh, organic granola.

Paige, are you forgetting something?

Oh, right. The secret ingredient.

Love.

Look at us. We should call
ourselves "The Granola Gals.

I like it 'cause
both words start with "G".

I like it 'cause gals rhymes with pals,

and that's what we are.

We're fun.

We are fun.

Hey, Meels.

Oh, hey. Wanna try some
of the granola we're selling

at the farmer's market today?

Don't tell her the secret ingredient.

Is it love?

Because literally every time you
guys bake something, you say that.

Uh, that is not true.

The secret ingredient in our
double chocolate brownies was...

Joy. So there.

Whoa. This is delicious.

- Really?
- Yeah!

You guys are gonna make
a ton of money selling this.

You're definitely gonna win
the farmer's market.

Meels, may I call you that?

- No.
- Amelia.

There's no such thing
as winning the farmer's market.

Farmer's markets are about community.

They're about sharing
the best of the Earth

with the people who inhabit it.

There's a lady there
who bakes secret messages

into her fresh bread loaves.

I got one that said,
"You are totally unique."

And I got one that said the same thing.

That's the kind of farmer's
marketeer we wanna be.

Generous and supportive.

So you're gonna lose?

Amelia, we're not doing
this for the money.

We're doing this to be a part of
something bigger than ourselves.

And you can be a part
of something bigger.

A big pile of money!

I can teach you how to be competitive,
successful businesswomen.

Thanks Meels. But we got this.

Want us to bring you back anything?

This week there's a guy
selling armadillo milk!

Aw, Willow...

That's so gross.

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Let's go make some videos ♪

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

I gotta tell ya Bernie, spending the day

at the beach just relaxes me.

It's like the sun gets in my skin

and makes me this whole new,
calmer person.

I'm gonna burn this deck to the ground.

My favorite part of the beach

was taking hundreds of selfies

flexing in front of stuff.

- You would think it would get old...
- It got old.

But it never does.

Wait a second...

Why do I have two phones?

I got mine.

Did you accidentally grab
someone else's off the beach?

Yeah, I must have.

Man, whoever's this is
must feel terrible

losing such an expensive phone.

I need to go find them and return it.

Wow, is Bernie Schotz

actually doing the right thing?

So I can collect my sweet reward money!

No, he is not.

Don't judge me.

Call "Home."

- Hello?
- Hello, ma'am.

I'm just calling to tell you
it's your lucky day.

I found your phone

and I'm perfectly willing
to return it to you

and accept my reward money,
preferably in hundies.

Wait, you stole my phone

and now you're blackmailing me
to get it back?

I'm gonna hunt you down
and get you for this!

Who is this?

Uh, Frankie Wong.

Phew.

Man...

I would not want to be
Frankie Wong right now.

Ahhh.

Mmm, thanks. That really
helped wash down the taste

of your disgusting armadillo milk.

Time to share our granola
with the world.

And then the world!

I should listen better.

Oh, look at you two cuties!
Now, what are you selling?

- Granola. Want a free sample?
- Oh!

Mmm! My word. That is delicious.

How'd you make it taste so darn good?

Oh! Don't tell anyone...
It's coconut flakes.

Coconut. Oh, I feel like I'm in Maui.

How much per bag?

Actually, we don't have a set price.

We're just asking for donations.

Aw, what a beautiful gesture.
I'll take five bags.

Aw, are those your grandchildren?

I've got four of them.
All granola lovers.

Well, you know what?
Take as many bags as you want.

You're a lovely customer.

Oh!

Wow, we gave away all our granola.

- Care to join me for a victory skip?
- I would love to.

You've gotta be kidding me...

You're right, it is weird
when someone my age skips.

No, look!

The Granola Grandma?

Step right up for a taste
of Grandma's homemade granola!

Only ten bucks a bag!

Are you re-selling our granola?

Gimme ten bucks,
you can find out for yourself.

But this goes against

the entire spirit of the farmers market.

What are you gonna do,
put me in granola jail?

And I'm gonna be making
a whole new batch to sell

at the next farmers market

now that I know your secret ingredient:

Coconut flakes.

Ha! You're wrong. It's love.

Oh. Well, that's not a problem.

I love stealing your granola.

You're a bad grandma!

Guess what? Not a grandma.

- But the pictures in your wallet were...
- Guess what? Not my wallet.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I've got to count

my gran-alla dolla bills, y'all.

Meels, we need your business help.

There's a fake grandma
that needs to be taken down.

You've come to the right place.

Your training begins... now.

Well, as soon as Horse Face Guy
gets back from the dentist,

I'm watching his cat.

Welcome to your training, ladies.

Teaching you two how to take down

a ruthless old lady is no easy task.

But with my help,

I will teach you how to have
the Eye of the Duckworth.

Thanks, Horse Face Guy.

How was the root canal?

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that.

Maybe stop brushing
your teeth with caramel?

The Eye of the Duckworth

is the fire of competition

that burns deep inside all Duckworths.

I'm a Duckworth!

But I'm not. Do I have a fire
burning inside me too?

I'm guessing for you it's more of
a scented candle or something.

But I can teach you too.

And once that fire inside you ignites,

it becomes an unstoppable inferno

that will burn
all competition to a crisp.

Whoa.

I'm a Duckworth.

Competitive lesson number one:

if you want something, take it.

You both have been
jumping rope for an hour.

and you've probably
worked up quite a thirst.

Uh-huh!

Well...

this is the last sports drink
in the house.

Who wants it more?

You take it. You need fluids to skip.

No. Your beautiful braid won't be
as shiny if you don't hydrate.

- How 'bout we split it?
- Yay, sharing!

No!

There's no sharing in business.

I wasn't even thirsty.

Competitive lesson number two:

If you want to bring an opponent down,

you find their weakness and exploit it.

What, like smack talk?

Pretty sure I can handle that.

Yeah, I'm not afraid to serve up
a plate of stone cold diss.

Oh really?

Then why don't you both say
something bad about...

This rainbow!

- No, I can't.
- It's too beautiful.

This rainbow stole your granola!

Uncage your rage.

You're the most magnificent
thing I've ever seen!

I will never not be amazed
by your beauty!

Okay...

You said nice things
but in a really mean way.

It's progress.

In business,
everyone is your competition.

I don't see how this is gonna help
us, but we totally trust you.

And that's your mistake.

Final lesson:

Trust no one.

Including me.

Have a good night, ladies.

You know, sometimes
I really don't like your sister.

Hey, Frankie.

How's my most calm
and level-headed friend?

Fine.

"Fine." Classic Frankie.

Hey, quick quesh:

Have any random, angry people
contacted you recently,

possibly threatening to, I dunno,

"rip your limbs off" or what not?

Bernie... what did you do?

I took the word question
and shortened it to quesh.

- Bernie...
- Okay, okay.

So I called the owner
of this phone that I found,

and she was a little...
"miffed" about the whole sitch.

So I kind of, sort of, not
really, but definitely really

suggested that the person
who took the phone was... you.

- What?
- Hang on, let me finish.

Now she's coming to get you
to get her sweet revenge.

That makes it much worse.

That's why I said "let me finish."

Bernie, have you lost your mind?

You have no idea who this person is.

They could be dangerous.

Or worse, a retired puppeteer.

I don't wanna get into it.

Well, from her photos, she
definitely looks super jacked.

Game recognize game, ya feel me?

No.

Bernie, we need to call
this woman back right now

and explain everything.

That's a good idea, she seems
like a reasonable person,

with a husband, kids, and...

Oh, look, there she is winning
a kick-boxing tournament.

Oh, no. That's an illegal street fight.

Bernie, just give me the phone.

Well, well, well,
if it isn't the phone stealer.

Hi, ma'am. I just wanted
to say this whole thing

was a big misunderstanding.

From your photos,
you seem like a nice person...

Wait! You're going through
my private photos now?!

Uh...

Might I suggest setting
a passcode on your phone.

You can use any number you want.

I recommend a five. Or a three.

Sevens are a little scary.

You know, 'cause seven "ate" nine.

I'm gonna find you and rip
you to shreds!

Okay, not a fan of number humor.

Wait,

this doesn't sound like the same
person I talked to before.

Is this Frankie Wong?

Uh... No, no... Uh...

It's...

Paige Olvera!

Weird day, huh?

All right, ladies.

Time to put your training to the test.

Who's the target?

The Granola Grandma!

Who do you trust?

No one!

How do you say things?

At the same time!

You're ready.

Good luck, ladies.

I'm gonna take a lap and see what
this freak show is all about.

All right. Let's get our game faces on.

What's that?

Oh, I made some of my
famous artisanal lemonade.

Yeah, but we're selling
granola, not lemonade.

I know, I just thought
we'd attract more customers

if we offered something light
and refreshing to wash it down.

I'm sorry,

are you saying my granola is dry?

Okay, first of all, it's our granola.

I see what you're doing.

Lesson one:
If you want something, take it.

That's not what I was doing.

Unless that's what you're doing

and you're trying to pin it on me.

I'm not pinning anything on anybody.

Just hop on your stool
and start selling.

Oh, is that a height joke?

That's lesson two:

Exploit your competitor's weakness.

Competitor?

You're not my competitor. Unless...

Lesson three: Trust no one.

You guys were right!

The farmers market
is a magical community

built on love and friendship!

You're going down, Lemonade Gal.

No, you're going down, Granola Gal,

who's now my ex-pal.

What's happening?

Why do you have separate tables?

Because everyone's a competitor, Amelia.

Just like you taught us.

Except there is no us anymore.

It's every certified organic
granola maker for themselves!

Or every artisanal fresh-squeezed
non-organic lemonade maker.

I couldn't get organic lemons,

there was a delayed shipment,

something about a truck driver
strike in San Pedro!

I'm gonna make so much more
money than you.

I'm gonna make so much more
money than you.

And I think skipping is dumb!

Burn!

Well you know how the saying goes.

When life gives you lemons...

wear an ugly braid.

Burn re-turned.

Oh dear.

It's the double Eye of the Duckworth!

No way, Horse Face Guy,

you're playing the farmers market?!

Who wants lemonade?

You wants organic granola?

Okay, it might not be organic,
but it's still artisanal.

Artisanal!

Guys, what happened?
You were on the same team.

Ask your sister. She's the one
who went all berserk on me.

You're the one who went lemonade
berserk, you lemonade backstabber.

Okay, just adding the word "lemonade"

in the middle of a sentence
doesn't make it an insult.

You would lemonade know,
you bossy lemonade pants.

Okay, that one actually stung.

Guys, it doesn't have to be like this.

You told me the farmers market
was all about unity and harmony.

- Well, meet Kenny and Russell.
- Howdy.

Kenny and Russell are best friends

and they don't mind
that they both sell carrots

at the same farmers market.

Wait a minute. You sell carrots?

That's my thing.

You told me you sold rhubarb!

You're a dead man, Russell!

Okay, so...

Kenny and Russell clearly have
some issues they need to work out.

- My customer!
- No, my customer!

Let go of my bearded hipster!

You let go! I saw
his public radio t-shirt first!

Look what you did!
You just cost me a customer!

You cost yourself a customer,

you customer-costing
lemonade customer-coster.

Lemonade was not a necessary
part of that sentence!

Yes it lemonade was!

Gah! I can't take this anymore!

I'm gonna go get more cups.

And I'm not lemonade done with you.

What did that even mean?

♪ Hey! Hey! ♪

Oh no, we're too late!

What? Did that scary
cell phone lady find Paige?

No, the peach guy's out of free samples.

Bernie, focus,
we're here to find... Paige!

What are you doing here? What's wrong?

Uh, nothing's wrong.

Nothing's wrong at all.

Hey, you know where things
are really not wrong?

The beautiful beaches of Mexico.

Or even Australia.

Yeah, so I packed your bag with a
fake passport, food and disguises.

Now once you get to Australia,

your name is no longer Paige Olvera,

it's Pludge O'Mara. Good, right?

Ready to hit the road, Pludge?

Ah! It's so bad, Bernie.

Guys, I don't know what you're
talking about and I don't care.

I've got lemonade to sell,

and I checked into
all my social media sites,

and let the world know
exactly where I am.

If you're looking for Paige Olvera,

you're gonna find Paige Olvera.

Plan B.

- Stop! Put me down!
- This is for your own good.

We have to get you out of here, Paige.

She means Pludge. Pludge O'Mara!

And she has the ID to prove it.

Guys, quit it!

In the time I've wasted talking to you,

Willow's probably sold
ten bags of granola.

If you don't leave here right now,

something really bad is
gonna happen to you.

No, something bad is gonna happen to you

if you don't get out of my face.

Did you just throw a cup at me?

Oh, I don't know. Let me check.

She did it again.

Okay. Okay, okay.
We'll leave. Just no more cups!

Hey, but if the peach guy
happens to put out more samples

Get out of here!

Mmm, granola!

Mmm, lemonade!

They go so well together.

Just like old friends!

You carrot lowlife!
I will carrot get you!

See? It's a thing.

- You're a thing!
- You're a thing!

How can I trust you?
What does that even mean?

- It doesn't mean any...
- Guys! Stop!

I was wrong.

You can't win the farmers market.

I should never have taught you
the Eye of the Duckworth.

It has no place in a civil society.

Well looky what we have here.

I've already met the loser g*ng.

I didn't know their loser president
was going to be here too.

What did you say?

Yeah, what'd you say about my friend?

Yeah. 'Cause that loser... is my sister.

Aw, you think I'm scared
of three tweenagers?

What are you gonna do, selfie me?

Which one of you is Paige Olvera?

I am. What's your problem?

My problem is I want my cell phone back.

Look, I don't know
what you're talking about.

And I'm kind of
in the middle of something!

Hey, I'm talking to you!

She said she's kind of
in the middle of something.

- But she stole my...
- Stole your what?

Your confidence?

Is that why you have all those muscles?

So no one knows how weak you really are?

No. I mean... no.

Maybe I should get huge like you
so people won't notice

how aggressive I am
when I meet new people!

But I didn't... I just...

Howard, put the boys in their car seats.

We're leaving!

You were sayin'?

Yeah. You were sayin'?

We can't hear you, grandma.
Start talkin' or start walkin'.

Uh... You can't catch
what you can't grab!

That. Was. Crazy.

Did you see your mean face?

You were all, "arrgh!"

Me?! What about you
and your "You were sayin'?"

That muscle lady coulda k*lled us all!

Willow, what are we doing?

I'm so sorry for getting
so competitive with you.

I'm sorry too, Paige.

You guys have something more important
than the Eye of the Duckworth.

You have the "Aww" of the Duckworth.

Awww.

Oh Russ, what are we doing?

If those girls can settle their
differences, can't we do the same?

Carrot shake?

Russell, you were my best man!

I didn't take your phone!

It was Bernie Schotz!
I'll lead you to him!

There he is! Go!

Hey, Sheila. Ready to get yoked?

You know it, B-Money.

What's happening?

Word of advice:
If you ever lose your phone,

make sure someone
as cool as Bernie finds it.

You'll have a lifting partner for life.

Hey, let's flex our muscles
next to each other.

Twinsies!

This is the beginning
of a very weird friendship.