04x07 - The Kids Are Aight

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "Ballers". Aired June 2015 - October 2019.*
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"Ballers" is a look at former and current football players, their families, friends, and handlers.
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04x07 - The Kids Are Aight

Post by bunniefuu »

Kane is in the building, n*gga...

Now tell me how you love it
You know you at the top

When only heaven's right above it,
we on

'Cause we on

Who else is really trying to f*ck
with Hollywood Cole?

I'm with Marley G, bro

Flying Holly Grove chicks
to my Hollywood shows

And I wanna tell you something
that you probably should know

This that
Slumdog Millionaire Bollywood flow

And...

My real friends never hearing from me

Fake friends write the wrong
answers on the mirror for me

That's why I pick and choose
I don't get sh*t confused

Don't like my women single
I like my chicks in twos

And these days
all the girls is down to roll

I hit the strip club
and all them b*tches find the pole

Plus, I been sippin'
So this sh*t is movin' kinda slow

Just tell my girl to tell her friend
that it's time to go

Thank you.

Dilate your assh*le.

How you boys feeling?

Beware of Strasmores bearing gifts.

Quite sure that's not
how the saying goes, Bret.

You know,
when they give you a new kidney,

they leave the old one inside of you,

so it's like a shitty used car
permanently parked

on the overgrown lawn on your life.

Well, at least you have a brother
who was willing to give you one.

I mean, that's some
30 for 30 sh*t right there.

Yeah, willing? He sold it to me
for two million f*cking bucks.

One point eight, you cheap f*ck.
And guess what? It wasn't worth it.

Okay. Well, the storyjust became
a lot less uplifting, boys.

What do you want, Spencer?
What do you want?

And please do not tell me you're here

looking for a bailout
for that surf nightmare

you sunk yourselves into.

No, I have come here to offer you
an opportunity to become media titans.

On the public access channel
you inherited?

Fish tanks.
I've seen fish tanks more riveting.

Exactly,
which is why I'm rebranding it,

and we are gonna pivot
back to football.

You think you can buy NFL rights?

No. The NFL ratings
are taking a nosedive.

But you know what's not?

- Mommy p*rn?
- College football, Bret.

You should see somebody about that.

- So which college?
- USC.

Pac-12 deal is ending,

and we're gonna lock them down
with a bid they can't refuse.

And how much are "we" planning to bid?

Two hundred over 10 years.

Oh, come on.

Million? $200 million?

That's the deal you flew out here
to dazzle us with?

- Where is the upside?
- The upside is

a billion-dollar secret
that I have been sitting on

about the big, bright future
of their program.

- Go on.
- Yeah, go on.

What if I told you that
the greatest athlete on the planet

is gonna shock the world
with his decision.

Oh, LeBron is going back to college.

No, this is a new king.

And guess how many people
know where he's headed.

- Just you?
- Yeah, and it's gonna stay that way.

Billion-dollar insider info
right now, boys.

Wow.

That is flopping around in the mud.

I knew you were dirty.
I didn't know you were this dirty.

Well, no dirtier than the NCAA, Bret.

You're not worried about
betting your name and future

on the word of a teenager?

Look at my face. Do I look worried?

The lawyer will be in touch
while I vet.

Now get out.

Like you both more
when you're medicated.

I need that. I need to go... Okay.

Go deep. Go deep.

Yeah, well, whose brilliant idea
was it to get them fried chicken

like they're pigeons in a park?

Oh, because I'm black
I'm supposed to know about chicken?

Jesse, hey,
you have that spreadsheet?

Okay, yeah, I need one minute, too.

Nobody listens to me around here.

More like everybody's
tired of listening to your ass.

I'm sorry, but we no longer rep...

Hold on!

Put that f*cking call on hold.

Who do we no longer rep,
and who is that on the phone?

It's Yanni from Nike.

He's calling about Nyjah's avail
for a new campaign.

Give me that. Give me that!

Hey, Yanni, my man.

It's Joe Krutel.

Joe! Joey! We know each other?

I'm the new creative director
and owner of Sports X.

Um, how can I help you?

- What do you need?
- I gotta get with Nyjah.

I got an idea for a dope new
SB campaign, but I gotta move quick.

Is he around and avail?

Oh, God, unfortunately,
that's both great and awful.

He's not.

He had a death in the family.

- No!
- Yeah.

- You know his Weimaraner, Bobby?
- Not Bobby!

Yeah. Bobby got hit
by a garbage truck.

- He is no more.
- Dude! That's awful.

Maybe I can send him something.

No. I don't think you should.

It'll only reopen the wounds.

- Know what I mean?
- f*ck! I feel bad for the kid.

And the dog.
But, look, I gotta jump, all right?

I gotta chase down
another piece of talent.

Well, okay,
maybe I can help with that.

Who else you got?

What if you do less of
a star-centric face campaign,

and it's more
about a cultural revolution,

- a whole clique.
- Okay, what clique?

Illegal Civilization.

Come on, man. Those kids are animals.

You know they upper-decked
the Puma offices

when Lance brought them in
for a general?

Well, that was before we put them

through our specialized
finishing school.

- No sh*t?
- For real.

I would not lie to you.
You're too important to our business.

Are they around for a meet?

Yeah. Why don't you come
by the office today.

- I'm already there, Joe.
- Great.

Boom!

Okay. Can I have my phone back?

I can't. I just sh*t it
into a million pieces.

Damn, son!

What, you grow webs on your feet
or something?

You smashed your own PB.

Just motivated by the money, Pops.
Same as always.

That better be all that's pushing you.

What'd you say?

I'm just saying what I'm saying.

My body's a temple.
Always has been, always will be, Pops.

Baby. Come on. Get ready.
We got a barbecue with the Whites.

Now, why has it always
gotta be about race, sweetie?

No, Pops, that's their name.
The Whites. The Whites' barbecue?

We barbecuing white folks now?

You better get you
some of that spicy-ass rub,

'cause you know that white meat
ain't as flavorful

- as this dark meat, baby.
- Who says you even rolling?

Come on, man. You gotta let me go!

Who the hell are the Whites anyway?

Some tech dude. Made an app
that matches dogs for play dates.

So like Tinder for dogs?

Yeah, but they always down to f*ck.

Damn, man! People keep
stealing all my good ideas!

For real! This is bullshit.

Sounds like those skate brats
are running you ragged, huh?

Dude, it's like herding stoned cats.

If I could track down
these little fuckers,

at least the payoff will be worth it.

You know, Joseph, it sounds
like you found your calling.

My God, I hope not.
How'd it go with the brothers?

It's all good.
They just texted me they are in.

Money in the bank and ready to play.

That's great news.

Meanwhile, I'll be here, steering
the ship away from the iceberg.

Hey! No, no, no.

Those aren't the new design.
Take them back.

- Throw those out.
- Be the iceberg, Joseph.

- Be the iceberg.
- What does that even mean?

Well, it means, um...
I don't know what the f*ck it means.

I can tell you this.
When it's all said and done,

you and I are gonna raise a glass,
my friend.

I don't drink anymore. I quit.

- I'm kidding.
- Hold on.

- No, don't put me on...
- ...unparalleled talents.

While it's not official,
an anonymous source confirmed to us

that Quincy Crawford
has made a verbal commitment

to play for the Buckeyes.

- Yeah!
- All right!

Hey, shut the f*ck up!

This is a huge win for Ohio State...

- Yo, who this?
- You know who this is.

- Where the hell you been?
- Just getting dirty on these ATVs.

You gotta come try it next time.
It'll get you right. What up?

Ohio State, Q. Ohio State.

- That's what up.
- Oh, that.

Yeah. I guess I told them
what they wanted to hear,

like everyone else
who flashing me love.

- You feel me?
- Everyone who?

Not you. But Unc,
I met LeBron at The Shoe.

This dude's mad charming.
I mean, he still text me.

What am I supposed to do?

You don't say no to the King.

Yes, Q, you do. In this case,
you say no. You say, "Hell, no."

Look, I told him I'd love to go there
before you came back

on the scene with all
your suss-ass deals and sh*t.

But that's old news. Last I heard,
we're waiting till Signing Day.

sh*t, they must have
heard about our trip to USC

- and leaked it.
- That's f*cked.

Yes, it is, Q. Massively. All right?
It's about to sink our deal.

Do you understand that?

This is your money
we're talking about.

You wanted me in on this deal. I'm in.

But if you got loose ends
you gotta take care of,

you gotta take care of them.

Hear me?

We gotta make a quick stop
to Columbus.

Oh, yeah. Mmm!

So were you in the league, too?

- Yeah, CFL. It's in Canadia.
- Oh, really?

We just bought a lake house
in Vancouver.

- Word?
- Yeah.

You and Ricky are welcome anytime.

Thank you?

But is it all isolated?
Like no one can hear you scream?

You see, most people don't realize

that all of the energy's generated
from the lower body

and that you gotta sort of explode
from the hips.

Well, now I can see where
your handsome son gets it from.

Oh, honey, I only gave him half of it.

He's only been in for a year.

- We have to give him time.
- Right.

I mean, sure, Tr*mp is an eccentric,

but so were so many
of our great leaders.

Okay. Imagine if Lincoln had Twitter.

What?

Or Teddy Roosevelt had Snapchat.

But he is moving us forward,
and the rest is just noise.

I just mean you have to look at
what he's doing for people like us.

- Like us?
- Yeah!

Yeah, like us.

Yeah, successful, self-made Americans.

Hey, don't hate us for
wanting to keep our money, right?

Yeah, come on. We work hard.
We got rich as f*ck

on the backs
of our own sweat and tears,

and he wants to let people like us
keep the fruits of our labor.

I think that's something
that the whole country can get behind.

Lookit, we didn't ask
for any handouts.

We did it by grinding it out.
So can everybody else.

Yeah, I can see the calluses
on your hands.

See, that's what I love
about you, Rick.

You get it. A lot of you don't.

- Hmm!
- I get it. You got me.

Ricky Jerret is exactly who he needs.

What? No, you gotta speak up.

Sounds like you got
bad reception up your ass.

Why don't you hit me back
once you pull your head out of it.

Jerk.

- There she is. Hey, baby.
- Hey, baby.

You couldn't pick your wife up
from the airport?

Mother of your child,
Queen of your kingdom?

Listen. I wanted to pick you up.

It's just that Gurley's vampire
of an agent

just called to renegotiate
his contract a year early.

Just got things all shaken up.

Yeah?
Well, the 405 got me shook. Okay?

It can do that.

Hey, hey, hey.

You matter. It's okay.

I should have picked you up.
I know that.

- Yeah, you should have.
- Now, Mrs. Greane,

can you please
formally accept my apology?

- Yes, I do.
- Okay. Thank you.

I'm only gonna be in LA one night
before I go to my conference in Vegas.

Today was supposed to be about us.

I know. I see all of it.

It's just that I have
to do this one thing, okay?

It's not gonna take forever.
How about you go get a massage?

And then maybe you hit the shops?

By then, I'll be done.
I'll come make it up to you tonight.

- How's that sound?
- Okay.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Give me some of that.
I love you, my Queen.

Love you, my King. All right. Bye.

What the f*ck are those, slippers?

These are driving shoes, m*therf*cker.

They're Ferragamos.

Yeah, driving to tell the police
you saw everything.

These shits grip the pedal
with precision traction

while offering masculine
fashion-forward accents

and a bespoke European fit.

- "Bespoke"?
- Look it up.

Yo! Roscoe's is here!

- What's up, fellows?
- Get out of my way.

Sit down, bitch.

Oh, sh*t! You're back.

Yeah, we're back.

That's crazy. Nobody ever comes back.

Well, we're not
f*cking nobodies, Aramis.

We're the guys
who are gonna make your asses rich.

Oh, yeah? How you gonna do that?

Well, for starters, we got you
a meeting with Nike today.

You ever heard of f*cking Nike?

Yeah, they make real f*cking sneakers.

Yeah, they're chomping at the bit
to get some of that Illegal Civ magic

all up in them corporate guts.

I mean, yeah. I like what they up to.
Like with SB and all that.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?
You like what they're up to?

You approve of their business model?

All right, good. Unless you wanna be
drinking whatever the f*ck that is

and eating your dinner out of cans
when you're my f*cking age,

you'll get your sh*t together
and let us cash you in

before you're yesterday's meme.

I like that. Uncle Fester
came to play today. Okay.

- Every damn day.
- Yeah.

What the f*ck is that sh*t?

What, you don't like E&J?

E&J? I like B&J.

This is like f*cking pee and J.

We're sending a car at 4:00.

Make sure you're f*cking ready.

It must be weird, huh?

Being retired at such a young age.

Well, I might surprise you
on that front.

Seriously?

Oh.

Breaking news.
All right, hey, lips are sealed.

Uh-oh. Somebody call Jerry Jones.

We got a kneeler!

Dude.

- Let's respect the movement, okay?
- The movement.

You got a problem with athletes
speaking their mind or something?

No, not on their own time.
Just don't drag the flag into it.

Y'all made it about the flag.

Who's "y'all"?

All right, easy.

I do have a serious question,
though, for you.

If you go back out there,
you gonna kneel?

Listen, do me a favor, all right?
Let's change the subject,

- okay, fellows?
- Wait.

Are you a politician now? Come on.

- We're all on the same level here.
- Ricky.

You can tell us. Come on.

- sh*t.
- You would.

- You totally would!
- You're gonna kneel!

- I knew it!
- You would f*cking kneel!

You damn right
I'd kneel, m*therf*cker!

And I'd kneel every Sunday.
Know I'm saying? f*ck Tr*mp!

f*ck that r*cist-ass bitch!

- Whoa! Holy sh*t.
- Okay, that's...

Listen, man, you gotta respect
the office, Ricky.

- Where's our respect?
- He's your president too, man.

Where the f*ck is our respect, huh?

- What are you talking about?
- My people. That's right!

- I'm sorry. Excuse me.
- My people!

This is not about race!

My mother raised me,
a single mother on welfare.

Government cheese and white bread.

And I'm here because I got
some assistance when I needed it.

Okay, you're an exception.

Yeah, that's right. I am an exception.
So f*ck you.

- What's up, brother?
- Where are you?

Oh, sunny SoCal.

Yeah, me too.
You got a minute to link up later?

Know what? I don't.
I'm slammed right now.

Is it important, or can it wait?

I'm just curious.

Look, I don't judge you
for that curiosity, brother.

No, I'm not curious
about myself, Strasmore.

I'm curious about you
and the Andersons.

Word on the street is that
they're trying to make a deal

for USC's TV rights.

You know anything about that?

No, not a thing.

You know, but, look, those guys
have their own agenda,

and you don't need me
to tell you what color it is.

- Where'd you hear that from, anyway?
- Dan Davis.

- f*ck.
- Say something. 'Cause Dan did.

He asked me what I thought about you.

I vouched. I told him you were solid.

- Yeah? Well, I appreciate that.
- I told him you were a stand-up guy.

But, obviously, I lied.

You got your nose buried in a new pile
but on a different coast.

You know, with you,
the story is always the f*cking same.

I just better not hear the name
"Quincy Crawford" mentioned.

Hey, come on.
I wouldn't do that to you, J.

Let me remind you, just in case
you are having memory problems,

which you so clearly are,

he better come out
of this thing clean,

or I am coming for you, big man.

Hey. Thanks for seeing me
on such short notice.

Any time, Mr. Strasmore.


We're always happy to have
a legend in these halls,

even if they did choose
the wrong school back in the day.

- Well, you live and learn, right?
- You do. You do. Have a seat, please.

- Thank you, Tom.
- Please.

Sorry Urban couldn't make it,
but he's out rustling the bushes,

- if you know what I mean.
- I do.

Left me in charge of the nuthouse.

Right, well, I'll make it quick, Todd.

I'm here on behalf of Quincy Crawford.

Oh. You're friends?

Well, I'm his uncle.

Really? Uncle Spencer?

- "Uncle Spency."
- Oh.

Well, Q's family is our family.

Well, I'm happy to hear that
because any time you hear bad news,

you always wanna hear it
from somebody you love.

- Am I right?
- Excuse me?

Todd, I'm gonna sh**t
straight with you.

Like LeBron, Q is gonna
take his talents elsewhere.

He's looking for a more suitable
environment in terms of his education,

and he needs to be closer to home.

Is that right?

Sad to say, it is.

He feels terrible
about this whole thing,

and, you know, under it all,
he's just a shy kid

who doesn't wanna disappoint anybody,
so he asked me to come up here

and see you face-to-face
to deliver the news.

Well, I'm sorry to hear it,
and Urban will be even more sorry.

Tell Urban that Saban
was even sorrier,

but there's only one kid

- to go around, right?
- Hmm.

Well, thanks for coming by
to let us know in person.

- All right.
- We are sad to lose him

but understand these things

are personal matters,
and there's so much to consider.

Look, Todd, I'm sorry
to be the bearer of bad news,

but I'm really happy
we have a good understanding.

Of course. Jeannie
will make sure you have

the proper directions to the airport.

I'm good, flying private. Thank you.

Oh, right! Yeah, you Miami boys
love your bling. Am I right?

We know you're looking
for targeted saturation

and a truly grassroots campaign.

Well, these kids...

Uh...

These kids come ready with that
target demographic following.

We're bringing you
ready-made, authentic vibe.

I mean, you can't manufacture
this in a marketing lab.

- Authenticity is key.
- Yeah.

We're still wiping the yolk

from our face
from the Bella Hadid campaign.

I liked that campaign.

Reggie, we did too,
but the people spoke,

and when they speak, we listen.

- Oh, man.
- Yo, Ryder, you good?

- I don't think so.
- Do you guys need a break?

- f*ck, f*ck.
- You all right, man?

It's fine. It's fine.

They just had too many
Red Bulls, I think. Is that...

I think I'm gonna...

Man!

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck?

No, no, no. Come on. Guys, guys, guys.

Oh, what the f*ck?

Come on!

Oh, no!

What the hell's the matter with you?

You trying to get your ass
kicked out the neighborhood

before you even get settled?

Yeah, I'd like to see them try that.

Our baby has to go to school
with their kids, Ricky.

You ever think about that?

I have to see these people
every damn day.

- sh*t, why can't you just be polite?
- f*ck being polite!

That man was talking to me like
I ain't got no love for my community.

This is your community, boy!

You're clearly gonna have
to up your dosage, Ricky.

I mean, you're acting erratic.

You're emotional.
It's like you got a shorter fuse.

You my damn shrink now too, man?

You wouldn't know a f*cking shrink

if it jumped out the ocean
and bit you on your d*ck!

All right, look, calm down.

Baby, things are different here,
all right?

Sometimes we gotta keep
our causes to ourselves.

We're not asking you
to change how you feel.

I can't believe y'all!

You wanna end up like Kaep.

Well, that man led a movement.

What are people gonna remember me for?

Or you, old man?

Look, a legacy is earned on the field,
in the grass between the chains,

not by running your g*dd*mn mouth.

So shut it before it costs you
more than you can cover.

Baby, we support you, just...

Just not really, though.

I told you he was sensitive.

- TTD, shut the f*ck up.
- Every time.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Look what I got.

Look at this! Couldn't you just die?

Damn, baby, you leave anything
up in the stores?

You probably ran
through Kiki's college fund.

Boy, please, you know
she getting a scholarship.

Plus, I had to do something
with all my unexpected free time.

I'm sorry, baby.

But it just doesn't stop!

The contracts, the emails,
this guy's ego, that guy's torn ACL.

- Popcorn vendors...
- You need to relax.

I can't. I can't do it.

You know, I just feel like
I'm failing everybody

all the time.

The organization, the players,
my friends,

and most importantly, you and Kiki.

Why would you say that?

Because look at this!

Is this our life now?

No, I brought us out here, thinking
I was onto something, you know.

- I thought that...
- What you thought is...

You thought
you were gonna finally be the boss.

You were gonna fulfill your destiny.

Remember when you were
worried about down payments

and GPS add-ons at the dealership?

Yes. Much simpler time.
Doesn't seem so bad now.

You were afraid to fail then,
and now you're afraid to succeed.

Not having you and Kiki out here
is really wearing me down.

I don't know if I can keep doing it.

It's like, sometimes, I feel like
I'm half a man or something.

Oh, Mr. Greane.
You are a lot of things,

but half a man ain't one of them.

- That's a full man.
- Ooh!

Feel this full man of yours

go to work.

- You see Andrew anywhere?
- No. He wasn't out there.

Okay, well,
if that's the case...

Let's clear off this desk...

Got a lot of big-time coaches

grinning ear-to-ear in anticipation

of the season. I...

Julian, what can I do for you?

The kid's incredible.

He's once in a generation.

I made it 250
to take it off the table.

Smart move. You won't regret it.

- J, I gotta run.
- No...

Evening, Mr. Strasmore.

Okay.

Is there a problem, Officer?

I sure hope not.

You wanna step out
of the vehicle, Mr. Strasmore?

And why would I want to do that?

Because we asked you so damn nice.

So you think I'd b*mb
my own plane, huh?

That's Trigger.
He's not so much on bombs,

but he likes him some dr*gs.

By that, I mean he likes finding them.

We've had a lot of problems
with private flights

transporting cash
and narcotics lately.

We're just gonna take a little peek
in your rental before you go.

Sure.

I got a script for those.

That's a lot of pills for one man.

That's enough to get an elephant high.

You know, selling those is a felony.

No sh*t.

Mr. Strasmore. I hear you have
some pill problems.

- Lawyer.
- Oh, that won't be necessary, Spencer.

You don't mind
if I call you Spencer, do you?

Who are you?

My name is Jimmy Dale Pritchard,

but my friends call me JD.

I got a script for those pills, JD.

Oh, I don't care about those pills.

That was just my way of getting
the boys to be able to bring you in

so that we could have a little chat.

I know it was a bit dramatic.

But we wanted to make sure
that we had your undivided attention.

Who's "we"?

Is this your first time in Columbus?

You know, this is a beautiful city
and a great place to go to school.

You know, I met my wife on campus?

Thirty-five years ago.
And we're still going strong.

Hey, now, you may find this
hard to believe,

but I used to play
a little bit myself.

Yeah. I mean,
second string, of course.

But, man, did I have the spirit!

You know the guy Todd
that you spoke to today?

- He was my freshman roommate.
- Ah, so you're a booster.

I hate that word.

I prefer "enthusiastic supporter."

You see, I do all of this
just for the pride of it.

Now, for someone like yourself,
that might be challenging.

But, for some of us,
well, that's enough.

Let me tell you something, JD.

I was only trying to help
my girlfriend's son

make some life decisions.

Maybe that's hard for you to believe,
but it's the truth.

Let me tell you something else.

If I happen to piss
on your Rose Parade,

then you better open up
a g*dd*mn umbrella,

because you sauntering in here,
and this,

and all this bullshit,
doesn't scare me one bit.

That's good. It doesn't scare you.

Well, I got some friends
over at the NCAA

that will have a field day with
putting the fear of God in your heart.

Oh, is that right?

So you gonna go
Old Testament on me, JD?

The kid stays a Buckeye.

Everything goes back to normal,

and life is good for everyone.

And if not, we're coming for you

and everything you got
your dirty little hands in.

And believe me, we know things.

That's right. Look away.

Open four.

Spencer.

Don't forget these.

For your pain.
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