03x18 - Blame It on the Boss of Nova

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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03x18 - Blame It on the Boss of Nova

Post by bunniefuu »

"In honor of the brave heroes who gave
their lives to save the galaxy"...

Uh, guys,
how long have we been gone?

If I had to guess, Rocket,

long enough for everyone to
think we're gone for good.

And construct
statues in our honor.

I am Groot!

What do you mean,
"not just statues"?

♪♪ ["Guardians of the Galaxy"
theme on speaker device]

This... is... awesome!

Oh! We are finally getting
the recognition we deserve.

Oh, sure, Quill.

So would it k*ll them to
get a few details right?

I am Groot.

[Rocket] Seriously?
You're griping that they made you too big?

In case you ain't noticed,
they made me your pet!

How dare they use my
visage to sell shirts!

Drax does not wear shirts.

At least your face is on
something that's not pink.

I am Groot?

An ode to bosom companions:

Of Fandral and
Star-Lad I do sing.

Uh, wait, wait. Did... "Star-Lad"?
Did he say "Star-Lad"?

How could he get that wrong?

As Nova Prime, I solemnly swear

this galaxy will never see
another senseless tragedy

like the one that
befell its Guardians,

led by the legendary Star-Lad.

Seriously? Do I look like a "lad" to you?
Don't answer that.

Security throughout the galaxy will
be enforced with extreme measures

to ensure law and order,

in honor of the late,
great Guardians.

That's unsettling.

I know. It's the first time
I ever heard "law and order"

and "Guardians" in
the same sentence.

Okay, is anyone else bothered that
every sign in here says "Star-Lad"?

Okay, you know what? Fine.
I'll just change 'em all myself.

[alarm blaring]

Good one, Quill.
You just set off the alarm.

Oh, relax. No one's gonna mess
with us in our own museum.

[thudding footsteps approaching]

[knuckles cr*ck]

Intruders!

No one except Thanos!

- [alarm blaring]
- Back off, Thanos! This museum is for Guardians,

not crazy,
wannabe universe-conquerors.

Everyone take cover!

[Rocket] You take cover.
I'm taking down prune-puss.

[Thanos grunts]

Rocket,
you just gave away our position!

We could've surrounded
Thanos in the dark!

[Rocket] Who has time
for all that sneaking?

Besides, my way's more fun.

[ascending whirring]

I am Groot!

Uh, guys? Thanos is on some
crazy weight-loss program.

That's not Thanos.

Rhomann Dey?!

What? No, it's not.

Wait. How do you know my name?

Do you not recognize us?

Yeah. You're a bunch of thieves

wearing lousy
Guardians disguises.

Hey, we're real,

which is more than I can say
for your lousy Thanos getup.

I am an interactive
walk-around character

and museum security
professional.

And the real Guardians were
blasted to atoms months ago.

No, but we weren't,
because there was a mirror

and this other dimension, and...

All right, yeah, forget it.
It's just too weird.

Wait. No imposter could come
up with a story that lame.

It is the real you.

Yes! Thank you. Wait...

You guys got some nerve
showing up alive now.

Everything's gone to
krutack since you left.

Nova Prime's turned the whole
galaxy into a police state.

She's demoted or arrested everyone
in the corps who opposes her.

Even my trainee, Sam Alexander!

And then there's the real tragedy:
this whole thing with my name.

Why?
Did they misspell "Star-Lad"?

Maybe we should focus on the
bigger issues for the moment.

I am Groot.

All right, fine.
Look, we'll just show Nova Prime

we're alive and
clear Sam's name.

Boom!
Everything's back to normal.

Uh, it may be a bit
harder than that.

Attention, citizens of Xandar.
Curfew is now in effect.

Return to your
homes immediately.

Violators will be punished
swiftly, harshly, and painfully,

in memory of the
late, great Guardians.

Wow. These guys make the Kree

look like the Smooth Jazz
Appreciation Society.

[chuckles] Am I right?

You know, 'cause smooth jazz is kinda...
it's, like, wimpy,

and the Kree are bigger guy...
Never mind.

[chitters]

[squeals]

[yells]

[screaming]

After we thought you were gone,
the whole galaxy got scared.

Nova Prime used that
fear to seize power.

What do you think she'll do if you suddenly
show up alive and thr*aten that power?

I'm guessing it won't involve a
parade and lots of reward units.

No. She will punish us swiftly,

harshly, and
painfully, as promised.

Still, we can't just leave
Sam rotting in a Nova prison.

Why not?
It's nicer than the Milano.

Anywhere is nicer
than the Milano.

Attention, citizens of Xandar.

Enemy of the galaxy
Sam Alexander,

having been found
guilty of his crimes,

is sentenced to be ex*cuted
by vaporization pit, tonight.

[Dey] We'd better get you back
inside if you don't wanna be next.

[Rocket] Okay,
maybe the kid could use a little help.

Fortunately, you happen to be looking at
the best breakout artist in the business.

So how do we get him off Xandar?

I am Groot!

Ah, great idea.
Oh, except our ship blew up, dummy.

I am Groot!

The Milano! Hey, it...
it's been rebuilt!

Again.

[stammers]

Groot, fire up the thrusters,
and let's go spring that kid.

- [beeps]
- [male announcer] Welcome to the Milano Experience,

a realistic flight simulation brought
to you by the Timely Corporation.

Probably should've
mentioned that.

No problem.

Me and Groot can get anything
space-worthy, even this krutackin' fake.

Fine. While you're doing that, I'll sneak
into Nova prison with Quill and rescue Sam.

Flarg that.

By the time you're
done sneaking,

there won't be any
Sam left to rescue.

I'm going with you and
blastin' the kid outta there.

How can you break into prison and
fix the Milano at the same time?

I am Groot.

You can't fix it by
yourself, bud.

You ain't exactly in full bloom.

[grunts] Drax will help Groot.

Drax is an excellent
fixer of things.

Observe. [grunting]

[Quill] Uh, hey, Dey, can you make sure
to relay us Sam's location, mm-kay?

He's all yours, bud.

[shakily] I am Groot.

I got this.

[object rattling]

Drax.

I have a job for you.

This is the most important job.

An ode to bosom companions:

Every time this recording ends,

- [Fandral continues]
- you must push this button and start it again.

You understand?

Drax is an excellent
button-pusher.

They even wedgied
Corvus Glaive...

Huh. Looks like they patched up

the last gaping hole I
blew into that prison wall.

[sighs] Good times.

Do you wanna risk blowing up Sam?
This is a stealth job.

There's no higher art
than getting what you want

without your enemy ever
knowing you were there.

Blowing stuff up is quicker.
Plus it makes cooler noises!

Children, didn't we learn
anything about teamwork

from our experience
with the Black Vortex?

We're only gonna go with a
plan we can all agree on.

Let me know how that goes.

[frustrated groan]

[footsteps]

Intruder!

[grunts]

Freeze!

[sighs] I just know Rocket's
gonna gloat about this.

On the ground!
Hands behind your head!

[knocking]

Wha...

[all grunt]

[grunts]

[groans]

So, how's that whole stealth
thing working out for ya?

[alarm blaring]

Fine,
until you tripped the alarm.

- [alarm stops]
- Anything else you're worried about?

How about the fact that doesn't
actually turn the alarm off?

Here's an idea.
Let's keep moving and argue about alarms

after we've rescued Sam.

[Thanos] If you're looking
for young Samuel Alexander,

I'm afraid you just missed him.

[laughs] Oh, dude,

you look like a
grapefruit in that suit.

- [grunts]
- Thanos!

What? I was just making
sure he wasn't a hologram.

Your friend is on his way
to the vaporization pit.

Not that it matters.

The end of everything
approaches,

and nothing you can
do will prevent it.

[Quill] It's the
end of what now?

Flarg him.
He's just playing games.

[Gamora] I've told you before,
Thanos doesn't play games.

One day,
you will beg for my help.

When that day comes,

I will be right here.

Don't hold your breath, Thanos.

No, please!
Hold it till you turn purple!

Oh, wait. Too late.

And so did Star-Lad call for aid

'Gainst Ronan the Accuser

And I was quick to help him

So that none would
call him "loser"

Here the ode doth end. [static]

Yield, button.
Yield before Drax!

An ode to bosom companions:

Of Fandral and
Star-Lad I do sing.

[grunting]

I... am... Groot!

[grunting]

I... am... Groooot!

[muffled] I am Groot...

[knocking on door]

Yeah?

Nice costume, Dey.

What do you want?

We picked up a break-in signal.

Oh, that was a false alarm.

Better let a real corpsman
investigate, just to be sure.

You can't go in there!
We're... fumigating.

I don't take orders from
ex-corpsmen in lame costumes, Dey.

But you still gotta
follow the law,

which means you can't go in there
unless you show me a warrant,

which will require written authorization
from your commanding officer,

who you do take orders from.

Ugh!

We'll be back, with a warrant.

Phew. We need to leave, now.

No! Drax must push the button!

Not anymore.

We got 20 minutes before I'm thrown
in jail for this, so let's get moving!


[grunting] I am Groot.

[buzzing]

[growls, grunts]

Ugh!

[buzzing continues]

[male voice on P.A.]
Vaporization is activated.

[gulps, yells]

Prepare the prisoner
for execution.

We need to knock out those
guards, steal their uniforms,

and sneak onto a Starblaster.

By which time Sam will have
already d*ed of boredom.

One well-placed blast will take
out those energy restraints.

And send Sam plummeting
into the vaporization pit.

- He can't fly without his helmet, remember?
- [growling]

Well, then, maybe we should get his
helmet to him so he can rescue himself.

Or, to put it another way, Gamora,
we're not using Rocket's plan.

Rocket,
we're not using Gamora's plan.

Now let's go.

All right, it shouldn't
be too hard to break in.

There's probably only a
billion possible combinations.

I got the combination,
and it's called "go big."

Okay, so remember how that
set off alarms the last time?

What?
You're taking Gammy's side?

I'm not taking anyone's side!

[grunts]

Including your side!

[Rocket grumbling] Let
go, Quill!

You're sucking the
joy out of everything!

As per flargin' usual!

I am not!

[grunts] I am not!

[grumbling]

[door unlocks]

[scoffs] Show-off.

This stasis field's
going kaboom!

Unless you wanna sneak up on it.

[Nova Prime] As I
have snuck up on you?

Nova Prime! Hi! How are...

Great news. We're alive.

You look awesome, by the way.
Have you been working out?

[Quill, Gamora grunt]

[both yell]

No one'll gripe
if I blow you up.

Hey! [grunts]

[cries out]

Whoa. [chuckles sheepishly]

You have been working out.

Trespassing on Nova property is
a violation of Xandar's laws.

Prepare for your punishment.

[grunts]

[grunts, yells]

[both grunt]

Call off Sam
Alexander's execution.

You need to listen to reason!

No, Star-Lad,
I just need to thank you

for your contribution to
the safety of the galaxy

and bid you farewell.

[grunts]

[pants]

[grunts]

[grunts, groans]

Hey! No one calls me "Star-Lad"!

[yells]

[grunts] Oh! Ow!

[groans]

- Nice to see you have your priorities in order.
- [groans]

Now, then, let's relax with a
little entertainment, shall we?

[male voice on P.A.]
Samuel Alexander,

for crimes against the galaxy,
and by the authority of Nova Prime,

you are now to be vaporized.

Okay. Going big.

[yells]

[Rocket] Only one way
to get that helmet...

sneakiness.

Eh. Not bad.

[male voice on P.A.]
Release the energy tethers.

[weapons continue f*ring]

[Quill, Gamora grunt]

[grunts]

Ha! Score!

[screaming]

[Nova Prime] No!

Ha! Huh?

Sam!

No!

One galactic enemy has fallen.

And now you shall join him.

[grunts]

[grunts, groans]

Oh, hey, guys. Long time no see.

Sam! You're alive!

Well, I wouldn't be if my helmet
had shown up one second later.

Yeah. You're welcome.

How the krutack did you find us?

My helmet picked up
your comm signals.

Speaking of which,
aren't you supposed to be...

They will be.

I didn't do that.

[both grunting]

[yells, grunts]

[groaning]

Whoa. Okay. That's new.

On the other hand,
it would explain the super strength.

And the ruling
with an iron fist,

as in an actual fist
made out of iron!

Okay, so if she's a robot imposter,
where's the real Nova Prime?

Somewhere not even
the infamous Star-Lad

can hope to find her. [yells]

[grunting]

Blastin' ain't workin'.
Got any sneaky suggestions, Gammy?

[yells]

[all grunt]

Eliminating four of the galaxy's
staunchest defenders at once.

An auspicious start
to our campaign.

[grunts]

Ha! Drax is an
excellent button-pusher.

I am Groot.

Go! I'll cover you!

[Rocket] Nice one, bud.
You got her flying.

Now get her to fly faster!

[Groot yells]

We'll be safe here.
These islands are deserted,

so Nova Corps
doesn't patrol them.

Which makes it a
perfect place for us

to mount a resistance against
that phony robot Nova Prime.

They can remove me
from the Nova Corps,

but they can't remove
the Nova Corps from me!

Nor your uniform, apparently.

Nova Prime called it "an
auspicious start to our campaign."

I am Groot!

Eh, you're right, bud.

That means more of them robo-fakes
could've weaseled their way into power.

Then we must un-weasel
them, wherever they are.

That may not be so easy.

Nova Corps has tabs on every
living being in the galaxy.

Fortunately, most of the galaxy thinks
we're no longer among the living.

I liked how you
freed Sam's helmet.

Very stealthy.

Eh, well, being sneaky wasn't so
bad, I guess.

Nice job with the
Blaster, by the way.

Yes! Stealth and explosions,
working together!

Like ketchup and French fries!

- What?
- Huh?

It's Earth foods. Never mind.

The point is, teamwork!
Am I right?

Although, next time,
squeeze the trigger.

Don't crush it.

Oh, I'll show you crushing!

[growling]

No! No, no, no!

[blows landing, grunting]

We're past this, remember?

Oh, come on, guys!
Use your words!

[Rocket yells]
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