03x04 - Memories

[bunniefuu]

♪ Goodness gracious ♪

♪ Great balls of fire ♪

♪ Kiss me, baby ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ It feels good ♪

What are you doing?

Partying the pounds off. Come on.

Join me.

♪ So fine ♪

No, thanks.

You seen my cigarettes anywhere?

I threw 'em out.

♪ Mine, mine, mine ♪

♪ I cut my nails and I
twiddle my thumbs ♪

- Why?
- Because you're my best friend,

and I don't want you getting cancer.

Now, come on, get in on this.

Do something healthy for
your lungs for once.

♪ Great balls of fire ♪

♪ ♪

SIMMONS: Go!

No.

Dude, no one is gonna see you.

- Forget it.
- It'll cheer you up.

- I don't need cheering up.
- Then it'll cheer me up.

Come on, man. I need the moral support.

All those years of dating Karen,

you must have picked up a few moves.

♪ You shake my nerves and
you rattle my brain ♪

♪ Too much lovin' ♪

- ♪ Drives a man insane ♪
- SIMMONS: Other side!

♪ You broke my will ♪

♪ Oh, what a thrill ♪

♪ Goodness gracious,
great balls of fire... ♪

♪ ♪

[MUSIC FADES]

[SHIRLEY INHALES DEEPLY]

[MOANING SOFTLY]

[CHUCKLES]

Good morning.

How'd you sleep?

Like a fossilized log.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Which is unusual.

You know, first time in a strange bed.

I mean, you know,

not that there's anything
strange about the bed,

or that, you know, that I've
been with some strange women.

I'm just, you know, I usually don't s...

I know what you meant.

[CHUCKLES]

[SHIRLEY SIGHS DEEPLY]

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Was last night, um...

was it okay?

I mean, you know, was it fun,
did you have a good time?

Yes, Sam.

Oh, well...

that's enough lollygagging.

I... know we both have places to be,

so you...

Ladies first.

No way.

- I insist.
- Mm-mm.

No, I am not parading
around my middle-aged buns

for your amusement.

- Well, last night...
- It was dark.

You first.

Uh-uh.

No.

Well, then I guess we're both

just gonna have to spend
the whole day in this bed.

I guess we are.

In fact...

- What are you doing?
- [PHONE DIALING]

[LAUGHS]: I'm calling in sick.

[LAUGHS]

JEWELER: Can I show you something?

Hmm. How about that... big
blue one right there?

You have good taste.

It's inspired by Lady
Diana's engagement ring.

Cool. Um...

- how much is it?
- $ , .

Okay, um...

what about that one right there?

That's a princess cut diamond
in a setting of -karat gold.

- How much?
- $ , .

Wow!

Okay.

Um, hmm.

[SMACKS LIPS]

What about, uh, that one right there?

$ .

Seriously? That's not bad.

Because it's cubic zirconia.

Oh.

Misty deserves a real diamond.

I'll be back.

[DOOR BELLS JINGLE]

GETTY [ON VIDEO]: Red Oaks
is more than just a club.

Like America, it's a
shining city on a hill.

It's a beacon,

a symbol of community,
fellowship, freedom,

where people from all
walks come together

to serve and celebrate

the good life.

I ask you:

how can you put a price

on the place where your
kids learned to swim,

where you watched fireworks
every Fourth of July,

celebrated your son's bar mitzvah,

danced at your daughter's wedding,

where you renewed your own wedding vows?

Hmm?

The answer is...

you can't put a price on such a place.

And so I'm asking you... don't.

♪ ♪

[SPUTTERS SOFTLY]

So, what do you think?

I'm moved.

Camera adds a little bit
of weight, doesn't it?

- [WHISPERS]: No.
- No? All right, well, listen,

I got to admit, you got, uh...
you got talent, kid.

- Yeah, tell that to my boss.
- [NASH SNIFFLES]

The hell's the matter with you?

I'm fine. -So how you gonna
get the members to watch it?

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Think you can sweet-talk your ex?

- Oh, I very much doubt it.
- Oh.

You'll have to find someone else
who's got some pull at the club.

This one outlines the
terms of our agreement.

Okay.

The next one...

releases you from all financial
obligation to the child.

[SIGHS]: Gotcha.

And the last waives all
your parental rights.

[SIGHS]

Okeydokey.

Guess that's it.

Huzzah! [CHUCKLES]

This calls for a celebration.

Where's that good sherry
we've been saving?

Credenza.

So, uh...

[QUIETLY]: when do we do it?

I've been taking my
temperature around the clock,

and according to the
charts, I'm due to ovulate

in the next hours.

- I think.
- That's-that's soon.

To a very fruitful...

partnership.

[EXHALES]

DIRECTOR: How we looking over here?

I want to start... I want
to start over here on a .

Let's keep it, let's
keep it pretty wide.

I want it to be able to breathe, okay?

We're about ready. Give me, uh...
give me five, okay?

- Hey.
- Hey.

You okay?

Fine. Why?

I don't know, you seem
kind of quiet today.

DIRECTOR: Look at your lady.

Like you love her, like you love her.

ANNABELLE: I got into a fight

- with my folks on the phone last night.
- What about?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] You name it.

Basically, all of my
life choices so far.

"Living in sin" with Noah.

I'm working as a wardrobe P.A.

instead of a kindergarten
teacher like my sister.

I didn't know you had a sister.
Older or younger?

Neither. We're twins.

Ah. Identical?

We don't look anything alike, either.

She's really pretty.

Oh, yeah, you're a real gargoyle.

Compared to her... she's a
former Junior Miss Nebraska.

Wow.

She single?

I'm serious. I'm not sure New
York is working out for me.

I mean, I bet I could get a
pretty sweet apartment in Omaha.

- That you could.
- I could marry your sister,

get a job running the A/V
club at your old high school,

maybe take up storm chasing.

Wow, you really are
desperate for a girlfriend,

- aren't you?
- Actually, I'm not, no.

It's too much work, and...
I need to just focus

on getting my own sh*t together.

Yeah.

Relationships are hard.

Exactly.

Well, anyway,

you're not allowed to move to Omaha

and become an A/V teacher
because, for one thing,

then I would have no one
to talk to at work.

And because you're gonna be
a big-time movie director.

Hmm. I'm beginning to wonder
if that's still in the cards.

Don't let Derek bum you out.

He's a creep.

It's not just Derek.

DAVID: Want to know the truth?

- One more time, please.
- It's guys like him.

He's only a couple of years
older than me, but look at him.

DIRECTOR: More French. More French.

He's got total confidence in himself.

Like he's never experienced

an instant of self-doubt
in his entire life.

Plant here. You go one, two, three.

Well, maybe you need to get
yourself some confidence.

Yeah, I'll get working on that.

Are you drunk, man? Let's
get some more wind here.

Come on.

MAN [OVER WALKMAN]: This
is really delicious.

Hontou ni oishii desu yo.

Hontoe ni oheeshee des yo. Hontoe ni...

MAN [OVER WALKMAN]: I love Japan.
- All right. Go ahead.

- Nihon daisuki.
- Nihon daiskee.

Nihon... Nihon daiskee.

MAN [OVER WALKMAN]: I've never seen

- a place so beautiful before.
- All right.

- Konna ni kireina...
- Kohnah ni...

- tokoro wa...
- Kohnah ni keeray...

- hajimete mita.
- Kohnah ni keeray... What?

- What?
- [TAPE REWINDS]

MAN [OVER WALKMAN]: Konna ni kireina

- tokoro wa...
- Konah ni... Konah ni keeray...

- hajimete mita.
- ...na to-ko wa...

hahjee... hahjeemehteh.
Hah-hahjeemehteh?

MAN [OVER WALKMAN]: I think of you...
- Hahjeemehteh.

- ...as more than a friend.
- All right. Yeah. Okay.

MAN: Watashi wa, tomodachi

- anata no koto...
- Watashi wa, tomoshi...

- Tomo... Yes, okay. All right.
- [TAPE REWINDS]

MAN [OVER WALKMAN]: ...tomodachi

- anata no koto...
- Tomo... To... sh*t.

I... f*ck!

Heatstroke.

Douglas Getty.

He's right there.

- Douglas.
- Thank you for coming.

I really appreciate it.

Ah. I hope you weren't expecting

- a conjugal visit.
- [CHUCKLES]

Don't worry about that.

That's, uh, that's not
why I called you here.

Listen...

I need a favor.

You want me to return a
movie to the video store?

[SIGHS] It's not a movie.

This is a message

from me to the members of Red Oaks.

What kind of message?

Don't sell.

Oy vey. Why me?

'Cause you're on the board.

You can make sure people see it.

Not many minds are gonna change.

Including mine.

What are you talking about?

I don't get it. Herb, you?

I thought you loved Red Oaks.

- Yeah, I loved all my ex-wives, too.
- [SIGHS]

But there comes a time
when a man has to look

for greener pastures.

In Boca.

Weren't a lot of greener pastures

down there last time I checked.

Mainly alligators.

I can't stand the cold.

Jews are a desert people.

We were not meant to shovel snow.

And change is not such a terrible thing.

Herb, you're k*lling me.

I... listen, I have given a lot of years

to that club,

and I think I deserve to be heard.

Give me the g*dd*mn tape.

Thank you.

[SLURPS OYSTER]

[WHEELER SIGHS]

[WHEELER SLURPS]

Why are you eating oysters?

Had a hankering.

Is that even safe?

Why wouldn't it be?

'Cause it's August and a
thousand degrees in here.

Dude, New Yorkers have
been enjoying oysters

in the summertime for years.

Before the Nazis invented hot dogs,

every street corner in the
city had an oyster cart.

- Okay.
- Want one?

No, thanks. I'm meeting
my dad for dinner.

What's Big Sam doing in the city?

He and his girlfriend are seeing Cats.

Know what's funny?

Your dad has a girlfriend and you don't.

Yeah, that's hilarious.

[CHUCKLES]

- What is this?
- Nothing.

Why are you icing your balls?

I just felt like it.

What the f*ck is going on, dude?

[SIGHS]

Jockey underpants cause
your sack to overheat

and cook your sperm.

And oysters have a ton of zinc,

which boosts your sperm count
and makes them swim faster.

Are you trying to knock Misty up? No!

Jesus Christ. God forbid.

I mean, someday, for
sure, it'd be awesome

to have, like, six or seven
kids with her, but...

- there's no rush.
- Then why are you trying

to level-up your nuts?

Because I want to knock
up my lit professor.

It's not what you think.

There's zero intercourse.

All I have to do is jizz in a cup.

And why exactly are you doing this?

Because her husband is sh**ting blanks,

and I feel sorry for them.

Also, they're paying
me bucks a squirt,

with a big bonus when she gets a...
you know.

Bun in the Easy-Bake.

- And Misty's okay with this?
- No.

No. She doesn't know.

I feel bad, but I figure I'm
doing this for her, so...

Wait, how is impregnating your professor

doing something for Misty?

Because I'm gonna use the money

to buy her an engagement ring.

What the hell? You just said

you weren't in any rush.

To have kids, no.

But I got to do something to take things

to the next level, or I could lose her.

It's about Dr. Ron, isn't it?

You didn't see this guy. He looks like

when he's not fixing teeth,
he's fighting crime.

Wheeler, you've done

some stupid sh*t, but this is, like,

Olympic-caliber stupidity.

You don't know what it's like, man.

You've always had hot girlfriends.

Present moment excepted.

Guys like me, we don't usually
get girls like Misty,

and we definitely don't hold onto them

- without stepping up our game.
- This isn't stepping up.

This is acting desperate, and
you're gonna f*ck things up.

Yeah, well, at least I'm doing something

and not just sitting around

feeling sorry for myself.

What's that supposed to mean?

Forget it.

No, go ahead. Say it.

[EXHALES]

Ever since that dickweed
Derek sh*t on your reel,

you've been moping around like a dog

that just got his nuts cut off.

- What do you expect me to do?
- Get angry. Do something!

Oh, I'm getting angry, all right.

You know, I hope you get your bonus,

because it'd be nice if you paid
your part of the f*cking rent.

[BOTTLE CAP RATTLES]

[DOOR OPENS, SLAMS]

[SIGHS]

SAM: An elephant with so many arms.

Wonder if they pray to him or
they just toss him peanuts?

- Sam, hush.
- [CHUCKLING]: I'm just teasing.

I think that God has a sense of humor.

Well, theirs might not.

Well, the way I see it...

there's only one Guy Upstairs.

To the Hindus, He looks like Dumbo.

To the Baptists, He looks
like Kenny Loggins.

And to the Jews...

to the Jews, He looks
like Leonard Bernstein.

- [CHUCKLES]
- But at the end of the day,

I think all the prayers
go to one postal address.

You are an unusual man, Sam Meyers.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

SAM: Oh, here he is.

- How are you?
- Good.

- I'm David.
- So nice to finally meet you.

Likewise. -David, do me a favor.
Order for us.

- We've never had Indian before.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. Let me, uh...

SAM: David's always been a
very adventurous eater.

He'll put anything in his
mouth, even as a baby.

Put in crayons, bugs.

One time, right, even put in dog dirt.

Dad. -Sam, don't you
go embarrassing him.

It's my job. I have to. [CHUCKLES]

Well, if you gentlemen will excuse me,

I'm gonna go sneak off to the ladies'.

You okay?

Fine.

Wheeler and I got in a fight.

Roommates.

So, what do you think?

Uh, we should probably
start with the samosas.

No, no, no, about Shirley.

Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Really nice.

SAM: Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, you don't
mind that she's, uh...

[WHISPERS]: Well, you're not upset that,

you know, she's black?

Why would I be upset?

I knew that you wouldn't be.

It's just I didn't want

to spring this on you without warning.

I don't need warning.

I know.

Okay.

[PIANO PLAYING SOFTLY]

E-Excuse me, Rebecca.

- May I have a word, please?
- [CHUCKLES]

We were just about to go in to dinner.

It will only take a moment.

You go on ahead.

I'll-I'll catch up.

What is it?

Have the Japanese made their offer yet?

Yes. Mr. Shimada and his partners

have made a rather generous one.

So what happens now?

Well... the board brings it
to membership for a vote

in the next few weeks.

I wonder if I could ask you a favor.

Would you put in a good
word on my behalf?

I know that ordinarily
they would be inclined

to replace me with a
teaching pro of their own,

but perhaps with your recommendation,

they might see fit to keep me on.

Oh, Nasser, I...

I thought you knew.

You thought I knew what?

Mr. Shimada and his
partners aren't interested

in taking over the
management of Red Oaks.

They intend to close down the club.

I beg your pardon?

It's not the club they
want, it's the land...

for a housing development.

I see.

Well, it would appear that all
my Japanese language lessons

were for naught.

I'm sorry.

Would you excuse me, please?

I need to go update my résumé.

Thank you.

Thanks. Well, we better shake a leg

if we're gonna make it to the theater.

Mm. Well, good night, David.

It was such a pleasure.

- Yeah, I hope I see you again soon.
- Mmhmm.

SAM: You going back to the apartment?

- Thought I might take a walk.
- Okay, well, you have fun.

- Say hey to Wheeler.
- I will.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

CECIL: Come in, come in.

Now, Bee's just in the bedroom
checking her temperature.

Now, can I get you anything?

No, I'm okay, thank you.

FOX: Dear, brave Wheeler.

Hi, Professor. -I think
given the circumstances,

that you should call me Beryl.

Okay. Cool.

Beryl.

Are you ready?

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

I think so.

- Where do I...?
- The powder room

is down the hall.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

♪ Memory ♪

♪ All alone in the moonlight ♪

♪ I can smile at the old days ♪

♪ I was beautiful then ♪

♪ I remember ♪

♪ The time I knew ♪

♪ What happiness was... ♪

I thought it was great...
I mean, the music

and the costumes... but I thought
it was a little unrealistic.

Because my cat Gracie,
I've never heard her sing.

[LAUGHS] Well, maybe she
just waits until you leave.

What? I... Hey! Stop!

- He...
- Hey! Hey!

Oh...

Son of a bitch.

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

Damn it!

[PANTING]

[EXHALES] Come on,
dude, you can do this.

Just focus.

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Yes?

CECIL: Everything okay
in there, old man?

Fine. Sorry I'm taking so long.

No apology necessary.

No rush. Take your time.

Okay.

I brought you something that might help.

What is this?

th century erotic French poetry.

- Okay.
- You do read French, don't you?

- No.
- Oh.

You have any fashion magazines

or a Victoria's Secret catalog?

Afraid not. Oh!

But I do have a delightful book

of p*rn mosaics from
Pompeii and Herculaneum.

I'll just fetch it.

WHEELER: Sorry, we're not
in, but leave a message

and we'll get back to you
at some future juncture.

[LINE BEEPS]

- [COIN DROPS]
- Did you get them?

Just the machine.

Well, wh-what do we do now?

Catch a cab, hope they
take credit cards.

But-but how will I get into my house?

My-my keys were in my purse.

Anyone you know have a spare?

Yes.

My brother.

[GASPS]

Success?

Well done! [CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

SAM: It was the damnedest thing, Terr.

He came out of nowhere,
like a ninja or something.

You know, I tried to chase him,
but h-he was just too fast.

- Get in the car.
- I'm telling you,

this city's going to the dogs...
and I blame Koch.

- He's too soft on crime.
- Shut up.

- Oh, come on, Terry.
- Just get in the back.

Listen, Terry...

I'm sorry that you had to
find out about us this way.

We were gonna tell you earlier, honest.

It's just... we were waiting
for the right time.

Right time? There is no right time.

- What does that mean?
- That's my sister.

My baby sister!

I'm -years-old.

She's vulnerable; she just got divorced.

Oh, please... like, three years ago.

Didn't I say get in the car?

Fine.

[DOOR OPENS]

Thank you.

You took advantage of
her, and you know it.

Otherwise, you wouldn't
have been sneaking around.

Come on, Terry.

Don't "Terry" me, m*therf*cker.

You're a r*cist.

You son of a...

[SCOFFS]

You got five seconds to
get in this g*dd*mn car,

or you can walk.

- ♪
♪
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪ ♪

Hey.

Excuse me, um, this is strange.

A friend of mine used to work here.

I don't know if she still does.

- Uhuh...
- her name's Skye.

♪ Under a blue moon I saw you ♪

♪ So soon you'll take me ♪

♪ Up in your arms, too late to beg you ♪

♪ Or cancel it though
I know it must be ♪

♪ The k*lling time ♪

♪ Unwillingly mine ♪

♪ Fate ♪

♪ Up against your will ♪

♪ Through the thick and thin ♪

♪ He will wait until ♪

♪ You give yourself to him... ♪

♪ In starlit nights I saw you ♪

♪ So cruelly you kissed me ♪

♪ Your lips a magic world ♪

♪ Your sky all hung with jewels ♪

♪ The k*lling moon ♪

♪ Will come too soon. ♪

[MUSIC FADES]