02x01 - Starstruck

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Even Stevens". Aired June 17, 2000 - June 2, 2003.*
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Seventh-grader Louis, struggles to fit in at school and in his picture- perfect family.
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02x01 - Starstruck

Post by bunniefuu »

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(SLURPING)

(LIGHTSABERS BUZZING)

(expl*si*n)

(BELL RINGING)

DEEJAY: Hey, g*ng,
here's a KSAK Radio exclusive!

BBMak has left England.

That's right, one of the hottest bands
in the world

is headed right here to Sacramento
to work on their next record.

And hold on, because we've got
big news for all BBMak fans!

Can you believe how much homework
Miss Levelson gave us?

Uh-uh.

Well, at least we get to do it together
at your house, you know?

Okay.

And did you hear about Principal Wexler?

Yeah, his new romance with the
substitute teacher, she's from Venus.

-Right, right.
-Ruby!

Ren, please! I need to concentrate
if I'm gonna win.

Ruby, watch out!

Okay, that was close.

What is so important?

Ren, if I'm the st caller
after three in a row from BBMak,

I get to go to the recording session.

Can you imagine me hanging out
with Ste, Christian, and Mark?

They are such hotties.
Am I dying here or what?

Ruby, there's fan
and then there's fanatic.

Ren, please.
It's not like I'm obsessed or anything.

Good, I wouldn't want you to be...

obsessed.

Cheerio, boys.
Did you miss me?

Hello, Mark.

Christian...

Ste... oh, stop it, Ste.
You're making me blush!

Okay, let's get started.

Um... yeah,

let's... let's get started.

You know, Ruby,
you still have your headphones on.

It's called multitasking.

Trust me, Ren,
you have my total attention.

Oh, okay.

Well, all right, the question is:

-"What environmental factors...
-DEEJAY: Attention, all BBMak fans!

Oh, this is it!

This is it! This is it!

-This is it!
-What, what?

BBMak, I love you!
This is it!

Hold it, false alarm.

So, where were we?

(YAWNING)

Sorry, I'm exhausted.

I was up late last night studying
for Rekker's social studies test.

Yeah, yeah,
when is that thing, anyway?

-In about a minute.
-What?

That should be plenty of time
for you to learn all the Constitution.

-No, I'm dead.
-Yes.

I know nothing about it.
Why do we even have to learn

about that old,
stupid piece of paper anyway?

I don't know, maybe 'cause...
it's the foundation of American democracy?

Oh, sure, when you say it like that,
it sounds all important.

Look, there's a penny.

MAN: Watch out!

Louis!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Something fell.

Twitty, Louis was almost squished!

That could hurt.

Got the penny, though.

Yeah.

Dude, dude,
that's why it missed you, man.

'Cause you know,
if you find a penny, you get good luck.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

I'm gonna need it on this test.

Man, talk about dumb luck.

Yeah, really.

Thanks, bearded penny dude.

Ren, I don't like sticking my nose
where it doesn't belong,

mainly due to my hypersensitivity
to smells, but...

Is there a point to this, Nelson?

Yes, it's Ruby.
I'm worried about her.

She's been sitting there the whole period.

Um, hey, Ruby.

Ren, I haven't slept, I haven't eaten.

Do you really think I wanna chat?

She's been listening to that radio
for straight hours.

Um, how's your gossip column
coming along?

-Everything's right in here.
-Oh, then you won't mind if I take this!

-Give me that!
-This is for your own good.

Nelson!

"BBMak rules.

"I love BBMak. BBMak, BBMak..."

-(REN GASPS)
-(WEDDING BELLS RING)

"Mr. and Mrs. Ruby BBMak"?

Give me that!

This is my business.

If I miss that BBMak song,
it's on your head!

Nelson, she has lost it!

Where's Louis?

Dude, this whole lucky penny thing
is getting ridiculous.

Principal Wexler had to go to a meeting

so he couldn't eat
his birthday lunch, guess who got it?

Hope it's not overcooked, you know?

Nothing worse than rubbery lobster.

That is perfect. Thank you, Mr. Abe.

Who's Mr. Abe?

The bearded penny dude.
Come on, bro.

Hey, you gonna eat that?

It's all yours, bro.

Thanks, man.

What is this?

"Congratulations. You have
won a free fashion makeover

"courtesy of Fruity-Fruit Cocktail."

Check that out.

Okay, now I'm scared.

Isn't that cool?

I'm starting not to like you.

-Claw?
-Sweet!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hello?

Ren? Anybody?

What's the big emergency?

Let's go, let's go!

(RUBY SCREAMING)

Let me out of here!

What are you doing?
Get this off of me!

Listen, Ruby,
this is Ren and Nelson

and we are trying to help you.

But when we take this blanket
off of your head,

you have to stay calm, okay?
Would you promise?

(SCREAMING)

Ruby, please!

Why are you doing this to me?

Because it's an intervention.
We're trying to protect you

from your own destructive behavior.

What are you people talking about?

BBMak.

Please, give me my radio.
What if they play the songs?

See? That's exactly
what we're talking about.

I mean, they're a great group,
but you've made them your whole life.

-That's ridiculous.
-Yes...

yes it is.

You spend all your time
thinking about them

and you don't even know them.

The odds are you're never gonna meet 'em,

and, trust me on this one...

you are never,
ever going to be Mrs. Ruby BBMak.

Oh, okay, what if I'm at the park
and I'm getting my ice cream and...

Sorry, thought that was mine.

Aren't you Ste from BBMak?

And aren't you the most beautiful
creature I've ever seen?

Oh, no, you don't.
I saw this vision of loveliness first.

Mark?

Ruby, I've spent my whole life
looking for a girl

-just like you.
-Christian?

Wait, so we all love Ruby.

There's only one fair way
to settle this.

Who's got the hairiest arms.

No, who's got the sweetest voice.

Ruby...

Ruby...

Ruby...

Ruby!

Do you hear yourself?

It could happen.
I mean, I eat ice cream,

they eat ice cream.
Anything is possible, right?

Right?

I'm such an idiot.

Oh, no, no!
You are not an idiot.

You're just caught up in your emotions.

NELSON: See, what you need to do

is focus those feelings
on something or someone

that you can actually attain.

Right, you deserve a real, live person
who's gonna be perfect for you.

You're right.

I guess I did get a little carried away.

Thanks, guys.

Oh...

Just one last thing.

-Yeah.
-Sure, anything.

Can you untie me?

Oh! Sorry.

See, radio off, cell phone off...

Feels good.

I'm sure you're gonna
find that special someone.

Hey, Ruby.

What's up, guys?

Louis, you look different.

-What happened to you?
-Oh, yeah...

Louis, you actually look...

I... what's the word I'm looking for?

-Stunning.
-Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I just had this big makeover,
you know, so I'm having a good day.

-Louis!
-Oh, my God!

-On your shoulder, look!
-Hey, buddy, what's your name?

-BOTH: That's Pecky!
-Yeah, that's Pecky!

Pecky? How do you know?

Look, there have been flyers
all over town.

dollar reward?

(PECKY COOING)

Come on, Pecky,
let's go see Mommy.

Ren, I can't thank you enough
for throwing that blanket over my head

and bungee-cording me to the chair.

Hey, that's what friends are for, right?

I mean, you were so right about BBMak.

They're just a silly young girl's fantasy.

REN: You know what?
We all go through that stuff.

And Ren, I want you
to be the first to know

there's a new guy in my life.

Ruby... when and who?

Well, you said there'd be someone.
I just didn't think I'd find him so fast.

We're perfect for each other.

Will you stop keeping me
guessing and just tell me?

Well...

(GULPS)

When did you realize
that you had a crush on...

I can't even say it.

Well, yesterday
when I was leaving your house...

(ROMANTIC VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)

Ruby, come on.
You're a year older than Louis.

You're in different grades.

Younger men are totally in this year.

I have so much to teach him.

This cannot be happening!

(EXASPERATED SIGH)

How did you get these pictures?

I downloaded them from the Internet.
Louis has a very interesting website.

And he doesn't know
how you feel about him, right?

No, not yet.

Ren, I know it sounds crazy but

love isn't logical.

When it comes to Louis...

my heart has a mind of its own.

-What is this? What... what?
-(ROMANTIC TUNE)

What is this?

(WEDDING BELLS RING)

"Mr. And Mrs. Ruby Stevens"?

That's it!

Fifty dollars for returning a bird?

Yeah, and she gave me an extra dollars
because she liked my duds.

How long do you think
this lucky streak could go on?

Well, as long as I got my lucky penny
I'd say, "Oh, forever."

Sweet.

Okay, do you guys really believe
that penny

has some kind of mystical powers?

What? No, of course not.

Dude, what do you think

we're, like, some kind
of superstitious maniacs?

(CHUCKLES)

Penny Dance.

Yeah.

(CHANTING)

Look, you guys,
there is no such thing as a lucky penny.

Okay, It's just a series
of admittedly weird coincidences.

Really?

Can you turn the radio up
for a second, please?

(SIGHS)

DEEJAY: That was three
in a row from BBMak.

You know what that means.

We're waiting for our st caller
at - .

Come on, Abey baby,
work your magic.

Okay, Louis, do you realize the odds?

Every kid in Sacramento is gonna be ...

Shh!

Timing has to be perfect, okay?
It's a finger thing.

All right! We're here live and remote

enjoying some of that fine,
fresh Sacto air

with BBMak. Yeah!

Guys, how are you enjoying
our swinging town?

Well, actually,
we just got off the plane.

Yeah, nice airport.

Really clean toilets.

Okay, that's why we're the fun capital
of the San Joaquin Valley.

You're on KSAK with BBMak.

Who are we talking to?

Louis Stevens.

DEEJAY: Louis Stevens,
why, you're our lucky st caller!

Louis Stevens, how do you feel?

I'm pretty cool.

I think maybe we should go
for the nd caller.

You know, we usually get
a little more enthusiasm from our winners.

Yeah, well, what can I tell you?
This whole charmed life thing

is getting kind of old.

DEEJAY: Right.
Hold on to that call.

Yeah, I'll hold.

Hey, you guys want
to go to a BBMak recording session?

You got enough proof?

Penny Dance.

LOUIS: Gat! Gat! Gat! Gat!

Ren, this feels weird.
I don't need to see Louis' room.

Yes, you do. If you are going
to be crushing on my brother,

you need to know
what you're getting into.

Voila! Mm-hmm, what do you think?

Pretty darn disgusting if you ask me.

I think it's charming.
Everything's so free and random.

Okay, what about this?

A shirt is not supposed
to stand up by itself.

That is priceless!

Ruby, going down.

(GRUNTS)

I'm sorry,
but you have to see this.

-Oh. Is it alive?
-We're afraid to check.

(SQUISHING)

Okay, so your brother
has some hygiene issues.

Ruby, listen to me.
You are still on the rebound.

You're replacing BBMak with Louis.

-It could have been anybody.
-That is not true.

I think Louis is
a really sweet, decent person.

You don't know him like I do.
He has this rotten streak in him.

Ooh! And selfish,
you don't even want to know.


Selfish?

Mm-hmm. Now, let's get out of here
before that jungle rot gets us.

Oh, heh.

What are you guys doing
in my room?

Oh, well, Ruby has never seen it
and I thought that she should.

All right, that's cool.
I'm glad I cleaned up.

Oh, Ruby,
you like those BBMak guys, right?

In a healthy,
non-obsessive way, yeah.

Well, uh, I won this contest

and a bunch of us are gonna go
to the recording session

if you want to go.

Louis, that is the sweetest,
most unselfish thing

anyone has ever done for me.

Of course, I'll go with you.

Thanks.

All right.

I hope that you're satisfied.

(GASPS) my skateboard.

I've been looking all over for this.

Abe, is it wrong for a man
to love a man on a penny?

Okay, lads, that was perfect.
Let's do it again.

I'm sorry, lads, but we came here
for that Sacramento sound,

and we're not finding it.

Excuse us, your Makness?
Hi, I'm Louis Stevens.

-It's the lucky winner.
-How you doing?

I'm the lucky winner's sister.
I'm Ren.

-Hello.
-Nice to meet you.

-Tawny.
-Hey.

Nice to meet you.
What's going on man?

Wow, he's gorgeous.

I know.

Ew, no! Ew!

Free cheese! Yeah!

TWITTY: Oh, sweet!

TAWNY: So what would you guys say

is the best thing about being
rock stars?

ALL: Free cheese.

All right, we're going in here.

Good cheese, man.

You know, I got a little
rock outfit of my own.

Alan Twitty Project.
Maybe you've heard of it.

I'm Alan Twitty on guitar
and lead vocals, yeah.

We do this little song called
"Sacramento Girl."

You ever heard of it?
It's pretty great.

No, I must have missed that one.

(MOCKING): Must've missed that one.

Look at that.
I got a tape right here.

You should check that out
sometime, huh?

Great. We'll play it straightaway.

What about you, Louis?
Do you play any instruments?

Yeah, I've been known
to shake a mean tambourine

in my day, yeah.

That could be just
what our new song needs.

Well, get the thing out, man.
Bust it out.

Would you mind?

Yeah, guys, like I said,
get the tambourine.

-Hey!
-That's the tambourine.

What was I doing there?

Uh, yeah,

check this out right here.

This is some skills.
Some Louis skills.

That's it.

That's the Sacramento sound
we've been looking for.

Dude, I've was born to jangle, Mark.
I was born to do it.

If this works out,
you can come on tour with us.

Uh...

Cool. I love you guys.

This might just be
your lucky day, sunshine.

Lucky day, huh?

Here that, Abe? Lucky day! (LAUGHS)

MARK: Come on, lads.
Let's go play some music.

Ren, wasn't Louis brilliant?

Ruby, he banged a stinking tambourine.

I have to tell him how I feel.

Wait a second.

You and Louis?

Why, you got some kind
of claim on him?

Well, you know, I was his friend
before he got lucky.

I can't believe this.
You guys are actually fighting over Louis.

Is this some bizarre, cosmic joke?

MARK: Okay, lads, "Love Is Unpredictable."

Louis, wait for your cue, yeah?

Okay, all right.

MAN: Okay, guys, we're ready
for you in the booth.

(POP ROCK PLAYING)

How can I convince you
That you're really not alone

And I know exactly
What you're going through

Nothing is for certain
But there's one thing that I know

Never underestimate what love can do

I want to show you,
Even though there are no...

Oh, he is so cute.

I know.

Just let me hold you

Love can do most anything
If you just believe

It can take you to the highest high

When you sacrifice it all

Love is unpredictable

You don't need to justify...

You know, Ruby, I'm sorry.

I have no claim on Louis.

You have every right
to tell him how you feel.

Don't keep me waiting

Don't you keep me hanging on the line

No, I'm only human...

You know what?
I suddenly find him odd and annoying.

You won't know what love can do...

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

What happened?

I can take you to the highest high...

I don't know. Something changed.
Like there was a shift in the universe.

Love is unpredictable

(FEEDBACK)

That was good.
Let's do it one more time, right?

I don't think so.

-Was I that bad?
-No. What's worse than bad?

I'm quitting music.

What about the record and
the touring, huh?

What about BBMak Stevens?
We're not gonna do that, okay?

I'm good. I have my lucky...

-No!
-Don't tell me.

It was in my pocket, man,
and now it's not in my pocket!

Abe, where are you?

What is that? That's my finger.

You know what? Nobody move.

All right. Nobody move the premises
that you're in right now. Okay?

I'm gonna find it.

Maybe you dropped it
in the cheese ball.

It's not in the cheese ball!
It was in my pocket.

-All right, guys. It's been fun.
-It's got to be here somewhere.

Where is my penny? Where is it?
I have to find my penny.

Okay, we're gonna go.
Let's go, Louis.

-Where is it?
-I'm really sorry about this.

Find my penny.
I can't leave without Abe.

Lou, forget it.
Your luck is over, man.

-It's not over! I need my penny.
-It's over.

LOUIS: It's not over.
No, I'm not leaving.

You're taking the cheese.

No, I'm not leaving!
I'm not leaving!

Well, that was odd.

Ah. Ah, I think
he was looking for this.

-All over a stupid penny.
-Hey, lads, you're not gonna believe this.

Our song just hit number one.

ALL: Yes!

Hey, I think we should keep hold
of this bearded chap.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah!

My Sacramento girl

She screams "Yeah!"
Follows me around at the mall

Won't stop her staring
In study hall, yeah

My Sacramento girl
My Sacramento girl

She's a Sacramento girl
She screams "Yeah!"

My Sacramento girl

She's a Sacramento girl

Yeah

My Sacramento girl

She screams "Yeah!"

Before that girl I had it made

Now she's grown tired
Of the whole love game

Yeah
My Sacramento girl

She's a Sacramento girl
She screams "Yeah!"

Girl, you go and set me free

Take that, BBMak!

(ALL CHEERING)

(LAUGHTER AND YELLING)
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