03x05 - A Lesson from Professor Pyg

[bunniefuu]

[THUNDER ON TV]

WOMAN ON TV: Oh, no!

Stop!

This is terrifying.

They released this to the public?

Keep your nasty feet on
your side of the couch.

Fine. Jeez.

Call yourself a roommate.

No, I don't.

I'm a m*llitary-trained babysitter

who makes sure you're
receiving your proper meds.

[THUD]

Did you hear that?

[RATTLING]

Someone's on the balcony.

You drank my Pinot? I was saving that.

I'm sorry. It didn't
have your name on it.

It's my damn house. Assume everything

- has my name on it.
- Shh!

[SOFTLY] Do you want
the psychotic slasher

out there to hear us?

Go.

On .

... , .

- ALICE: Ugh.
- SOPHIE: Ahh.

The door was locked.

What's going on?

I'm here for her. Get dressed.

Oh. Actually, I'm supercomfy here

in Sophie's ex-husband's

really cool sports tee.

Renee intercepted some call

with a lead on a possible rogue w*apon.

Get your ass dressed.

[SIGHS]

ALICE: Well, this certainly makes
snuggling with Sophie seem tame.

Can you have a little respect

and help me get him down?

Why are we rushing? I'm pretty
sure he's dead already.

Yeah. Well, it's only a matter of time

before GCPD shows up
and takes our evidence.

Oh. Please tell me we don't
have to recover his undies.

Just the bindings.

Renee thinks the culprit
used Catwoman's bullwhip.

As in one of the Bat trophies?

Well, this was easy. Found it.

Can I please go back
to my movie night now?

I don't think this is Catwoman's whip.

I don't care if it
belonged to Indiana Jones.

If Renee thinks it is, let her,

so she can cross
another w*apon off her list

and I can be one step
closer to earning my freedom.

According to Luke,

Catwoman and Batman had a thing.

A thing? So much leather.
How did that work?

Well for her. She apparently stole

some of Batman's nanotech
and wove it into her whip,

making it indestructible.

This looks like it was
cut with a pocket Kn*fe.

I'll have someone from Mary's
clinic pick up the body

so she can do a thorough exam.

You need to figure out
who k*lled this guy.

And you... partner?

I have dinner plans.

Renee literally has these missions
hanging over our heads.

Who could possibly be more important?

Someone who has much
more hanging over mine.

My mother.

RYAN: No, Mrs. Baxter. I did
not use your investments

to fund a luxury music festival.

Wayne stock is down %,

and our crisis management
team just quit.

As CEO, I urge you
please ignore the tabloids.

I told you I will fix this.

Yeah. Okay. When?

The company's in the red
for the first time ever,

and you've been on nonstop
damage control

for the last days.

MARY: What is this?

Uh, roomie, when you
took out the trash this morning,

you clearly forgot to dump out
Jada's dinner party invitation.

It came by courier yesterday.

Ugh. Of course she turns an easy e-mail

into a massive carbon footprint.

She just tanked Wayne.
Why would she ever think

that you'd want to go?

Guess we'll find out, won't we?

You're going.

Alice found evidence linking
Jeturian to Black Glove.

Alice, who is literally
hallucinating so badly

that we had to pull her
out of an insane asylum.

RYAN: Okay. Look. We need
to find something

to hang over Jada's head
like she has over mine.

Until then, she will
always have us at her mercy.

We need a smoking g*n,
so we bug her office

and see what we find out.

She's not inviting you over top show you

her silk linens, Ryan.

She has an agenda,

and if she was able to uncover

Wayne's hidden accounts...

Sorry. What was I saying?

"If she was able to uncover
Wayne's hidden accounts"...

Exactly. Then who's to say she can't

uncover your hidden identity, too?

You're right. I need to be careful,

which is why I'm bringing backup.

ALICE: So you're Ryan's date?

So saw that coming.

It's not a date. It's recon.

But you're wearing a push-up bra,

so it's a date.

You know this is your fault, right?

Ugh. Don't blame me for
this repulsive love affair.

If you'd never told Ryan that

her biological mother was still alive,

we wouldn't be in this mess.

Soph, the guilt I think
I'm supposed to be feeling

is seriously k*lling
my hallucination-free vibes.

Seriously, for the last... days,

it's just been me, myself, and I.

The meds are working.

Crazy Alice is crazy no more.

Don't poke the bear.

[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]

Tell me that you hear that.

It's your phone. It's Montoya.

Ugh. Seriously, people.
I am on vacation.

Oh, no. You're a criminal
who's on work release,

and she said to get
your ass to her office now.

[GROANS]

[PIANO PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

May I offer you a beverage
while you wait?

The madam recommends
a Côte des Blancs.

- We're good.
- Very well.

Madam Jet will be down shortly.

"Madam Jet will be down shortly".

Is she for real?

As real as the bling in her chandelier.

I feel like the foster kid

who isn't allowed to sit on anything.

That's the point.

This is an intimidation move

to get in your head, make you think

you have nothing and
she's got everything.

That shouldn't be too hard considering

my last address was my license plate.

Ryan, I'm glad you could come.

Ahh. I see you brought a friend.

Girlfriend actually.

- Sophie. Nice to meet you.
- You, as well.

Sorry to interrupt, madam.

The chef assures me he
has things covered here.

Great. Good night, Damien.

On your way out, would
you please inform him

that we'll be having another?

DAMIEN: Yes, madam.

- DAMIEN: Chef.
- CHEF: Hmm?

The madam has requested preparations

for another guest.

Oh. The more the merrier.

There, there, little pig.

Unh!

Time for the professor
to teach the class

how to squeal.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

So how did you two meet?

RYAN AND SOPHIE: Through friends.

Was it a Tuesday?

Definitely because it was, uh...

Taco night.

And... you offered to buy me a drink

to wash down the chips.

The chips. Heh.

Uh, you know... you know,
when the corner

of the chip gets stuck
in the back of your throat.

Yeah. Just the coughing,
choking, watery eyes.

I mean, I think there
was sweat involved.

- JADA: Sounds romantic.
- RYAN: It wasn't cute,

but that's the point.

I mean... someone sees you
at your not cutest

and still asks you out?

I mean, at the end of the day,

we just want someone who's loyal.

I know that if I were dying

Sophie would sit beside me,

put her arms around me, and tell me

everything would be okay.

Excuse me. Bathroom?

Last room down the hall.

We should all be so lucky.

That was beautiful.

Hmm. Yeah.

Now let's get ugly. Why am I here?

If this is your olive branch

for destroying my company,
you're gonna need

a damn orchard.

I couldn't have been more clear

when I told you to stay
away from my family.

And now I'm in your living room,

so what the hell is going on?

Whatever's going on
between you and Marquis

needs to stop.

Who says something's going on?

A mother always knows.

Now I need you to ask your girl to leave

so I can get real with you.

Get real? Rich coming from the woman

who convinced me she was dead.

Hmm. Dying will be the easy part, Ryan,

for you and a lot of folks

if you don't do exactly what I say.

MARQUIS: Yo! Nobody at the door?

Where's my man Damien?

You never know what kind of psycho

might come waltzing into this place.

Marquis, what are you doing here?

Heard there was a family dinner.

SOPHIE, WHISPERING: Batcave.

LUKE: Copy. Are you in?

bedrooms and bathrooms later,

I found her study.

Okay. Good. Find somewhere central

away from A.C. vents, shredders,

anything that creates noise.

All right. I'm at her desk. Fire it up.

Testing , , .

All right. We are up.
Now get out of there.

I will in two seconds.

Sophie, I strongly suggest
that you get out of there.

Looks like Ryan wasn't the only one

cut out of the family.

I'm gonna send you a face
to run through rec.

Ah. Go for it. Standing by.

[ALERT CHIMING]

Sophie?

Luke, do you copy?

Hey. Hey, Sophie.

Luke, do you copy?

The powder room's
on the first floor, honey.

Big house. Got lost.

Dinner's ready.

We're supposed to have
a secret partnership,

and you're sitting there having
secret dinners with her?

Whose side are you on?

I hate to break it to you.

She already knows about the partnership.

How?

Can we please eat before
any more guests arrive?

So she doesn't think it's a trophy.

Oh, something about Batman and
Catwoman between the sheets.

Personally, I didn't think heroes
did that sort of thing,

but, uh, what do I know?

I'm a villain.

Then prove me wrong.

Ohh. This is a record of every rogue

that's tormented Gotham.

If it's not a Catwoman wannabe,

then use that beautifully demented mind

and tell me who would string up

a naked man in an auto
shop with a bullwhip.

Magpie... not possible. Too many
shiny piercings left on the victim.

Shelly Gaynor... AKA the Whip.

Sounds promising.

Mmm... no. Animal advocate.

Her whip was faux leather.

Hmm.

Well, this one is
kinkier than a garden hose,

but, um, Talia al Ghul
is far too impatient

for performative victim staging.

I think we found our girl...

manipulative, obsessive, backstabbing.

Who is she?

You.

What's with your creepy
obsession with Poison Ivy?

What are you talking about?

Mmm. Heh. Your case files
on everyone else are... anemic,

but this one on Pam Isley reads

like you're, uh, planning
on writing a biopic...

juicy interviews, detailed fact sheets.

Ohh! A confidential
psychological evaluation.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Now you need to prove me wrong.

Are Batwoman and I looking for
these weapons of mass destruction

to stop criminals?

Because I think that
you brought us together

to find one viny vixen in particular.

Anybody else feel a little
sorry for that thing?

Roasted suckling is considered
a delicacy in most of the world.

RYAN: I'm vegan, so it doesn't matter

what continent my ass is on.

I'm not touching that.

CHEF: Perhaps more wine
will enhance the experience.

Our esteemed chef flew from
Metropolis to cook for us.

He comes highly recommended.

So if I may,

you're the estranged daughter

who just recently bonded
with your brother,

but that's bad because he has
a codependent relationship

with his mother, who now
sees you as a thr*at

to her relationship with her son.

MARQUIS: Zoey's dissertation
is on modern family dynamics.

Particularly triangulation as it relates

to Bowen's family theory paradigm...

rescuer, victim, persecutor.

That's interesting.
Does Bowen have a term

for backstabbing sisters?

Uh, I need the ladies'.
Tannins go right through me.

- Backstabbing sisters?
- Mm-hmm.

I wasn't the one who orchestrated
this whole dinner.

Jada did.

Was that what you wanted?

Marquis finds out I'm having
dinner with his mom,

so he stops trusting me.

JADA: If we're going to have
a conversation about trust,

let's talk about
what your girlfriend thought

she was going to find in my study.

Exactly. So don't talk to me
about having an agenda.

You're right, Jada. I did
come here with an agenda.

I came to say thank you.

Thank you for giving me up.

Thank you for walking away

and letting me be
somebody else's problem

because I didn't get the butlers

or the -course meal or the mansion.

I got a home. I got love.

I got a real mother.

Should have known, Zoey.

Wine and family drama do not mix.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Why can't I feel anything?

Turn the faucet, Zoey.

Aah!

[GRUNTING]

MARQUIS: Got to say I'm not about to let

my baby sister win
best speech of the night.

Marquis, haven't we had enough
theatrics for one evening?

Don't worry.

I'll keep it simple.

To family and loyalty.

- You okay?
- What?

I can't move my arms.

CHEF: Relax.

Just a little paralytic.

You mon...

CHEF: Okay. Maybe a lot of paralytic.

JADA: Get away from us.

You're not an easy woman to get alone.

Practically had to convince you

I was royalty to get
the keys to the kingdom.

You don't remember me, Mrs. Jet?

I have no idea who you are.

Do you really fire so many people

they're all a blur?

Lazlo Valentin. I was a chef

in the dining hall at your office

until you fired me.

Valentin. Okay. I remember the name.

Good for you. You know what I remember?

Telling my family,

"Hey, guys. No more money's
coming in for a while.

Boss lady hates Daddy's cooking,

so now nobody wants
to hire him anymore".

Yeah, and I remember the divorce papers,

the debt collectors, the repo man.

MARQUIS: Do you really think
she remembers

the damn cook from the building caf?

- Marquis.
- Naw. You probably said

the food sucked, your
staff replaced his ass.

It's just business, bro.

Just business?!

I lost my family because of her,

so now you'll lose yours.

You told Marquis about this dinner.

How else could you watch me
chop him into bacon bits?

But the unexpected daughter... ha ha ha!

Talk about an amuse-bouche.

- RYAN: Huh!
- VALENTIN: Agh!

Aah! Ugh!

Marquis, come on.

I can't... I can't move.

Zoey... she's still upstairs.

SOPHIE: I got him. Go.

RYAN: I'll find Zoey.

Get outside. Call for help.

I got you. Come on.

[GROANING]

Zoey. Zoey, we got to go.

[GROANING]

Aah!

It won't open. Why won't it open?

He must have locked us
in from the outside.

[BEEPING]

My phone has no service.

Mine either.

VALENTIN: Which little piggy
went to market?

Which little piggy
should have stayed home?

Upstairs. Follow me.

MARQUIS: Go. Go without me.

No, Marquis. Come on.
You can do this. Let's go.

MARQUIS: Ahh! Unh!

Aah! Unh!

[GRUNTING]

A lesson from Professor Pyg!

Nobody likes an uninvited guest!

Hyah! Unh!

Unh! Ohh!

Come on. Come on!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Errr!

Huh!

Err! Ha ha ha!

I'll huff, and I'll puff

and burn your house down!

He's gone... for now.

Zoey's dead.

Oh, my God.

And he's not leaving this house

until we are, too.

[SOPHIE RETCHING]

What is this place?

It's a panic room.

I converted one of my
closets a few years back.

You must have a lot of enemies.

Secret closet space and all.

Signal's dead.

SOPHIE: I had a call drop earlier.

He must have activated some sort of...

signal blocker.

Tell me you have a g*n in here.

Uh-uh. I don't believe in g*ns.

What's wrong? Not torturous enough?

What's that supposed to mean?

RYAN: Everybody, just chill, okay?

Someone will eventually
realize we're missing

and come looking for us.

We just need to hang until then.

[MARQUIS WHEEZING]

Marquis?

[GASPING]

Marquis! Marquis! Marquis! Marquis!

RENEE: Pamela and I met at Gotham U.

I was studying criminal law.

She was into botany, complete opposites,

but couldn't see a future
without the other.

- Love that.
- At the same time,

one of her classmates was conducting

these obsessive
experiments for his Ph.D.

He and Pam were competitive,

both supersmart, kind of nerdy.

She thought it was
harmless until one night

he abducted Pam and used
her as his guinea pig.

Let me guess... that'd be Marc Legrand.

Whatever he injected
her with was poison,

some awful combination
of things around his lab...

oleander, nightshade, water hemlock.

Changed her entire physiology.

Turned her into a green-thumbed psycho.

She didn't see it that way.

She wanted to save the planet,

and that meant punishing
anyone destroying it.

Except an up-and-coming cop

shacking up with a serial k*ller

kind of puts a cramp
in the old career trajectory.

She went from compassionate and loving

to reckless and irrational overnight.

Total personality change.

It eventually just tore us apart.

Subtext... you chose
your career over your girl.

She was lost... okay?

Gone. Emotionally, mentally
a shell of the person I knew,

and I... I was young.

I had no idea how to save her.

Oh, relax. I'm not actually invested

in your love story.

So where's Poison Pam?

That's a question for Batman.

Well, she's not
in Arkham... I would know...

and boring Batman didn't
actually k*ll anyone,

so unless she slithered
up Jack's beanstalk...

My theory is he hid her
under the city somewhere

away from water and sunlight

and anyone she could hurt.

Why would Batman bury
your girlfriend alive?

Because I told him to.

This shouldn't be happening.

What shouldn't happen?

This long, sappy tangent,

especially when there's a
potential sadist on the loose.

I'm going to go see our medical expert

and see if she found
anything on the vic's body.

Drink the water, Marquis.

We're gonna make sure he's okay.

He drank the most,
so it's hitting him first,

but it's only a matter of time
before it's all of us.

Okay, okay.

over .

SOPHIE: That's bad.

If it keeps dropping, he's gonna die.

- He needs adrenaline.
- I know.

There's none in here.

There are EpiPens.

My husband carried them
for his allergies.

- Where?
- With our camping gear.

In the basement.

Tell me there's another way
to get into the basement.

What the hell is he doing?

Building a b*mb.

[WATCH BEEPING]

I'm gonna need your help.

Ohh.

Come on.

JADA: Lazlo. Lazlo, where are you?

Lazlo, I want a truce.

You need money? How much?

I'll give you anything you want.

Let's talk.

Lazlo, I'm sorry.

I really am.

[GRUNTS]

Rah! Ohh!

Unh!

[CLANG]

Agh!

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

SOPHIE: It wasn't pretty,
but she made it.

So are you really Ryan's girlfriend,

or was that a lie, too?

Want to know who I really am?

I'm Jordan Moore's sister.

I'm sorry. I'm lightheaded.

Am I supposed to know who that is?

Your men abducted her

and injected her with freeze serum,

k*lled of her friends,

nearly k*lled her.

What... what are you talking about?

Stop!

Don't tell me you didn't know

about human experiments being conducted

by your own employees.

So is that what you
were doing in my study,

looking for evidence?

What'd you find, Sophie,

"The anarchist cookbook"?

Look. I am sorry about what
happened to your sister,

but I had nothing to do with that.

I'm not the monster
you've made me out to be.

[WATCH BEEPING]

Stay with me, son. Mama's here.

Ohh.

Of course.

[GRUNTS]

PROFESSOR PYG: Come on!

[BANGING ON DOOR]

[GRUNTING]

[RYAN GROANING]

Okay. Okay.

Come on, Ryan. Move your arm.

Move your damn... arm!

Unh!

Come on, come on.

[GRUNTING]

Come... on.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

MARY: Vic had motorcycle grease

underneath his fingernails.

I found a similar but not
exact viscous synthetic

on the bullwhip.

Fascinating.

What's with the botanical garden?

Oh, did the medical board
take away your license

and leave you to the
whims of herbal medicine.

Do you know how I saved
Jordan Moore's life?

- No.
- I mimicked the antifreeze

synthesis done by plants to survive

subzero temperatures.

You want to know why?

Because plants are smarter than humans.

They're resilient, they're intuitive,

they give back more than they take.

Got it. Jeez. Sorry I asked.

Anyway, do you remember
when you were being

all hero complexy and told me because

you're a official doctor
now it is your duty

to help me when the time comes?

Well... that time is upon us.

The delusions are back.

Between the... inmates in Arkham,

the experimental meds, the general
mise en scène of captivity,

I assumed it was the Asylum
that was making me crazy.

Don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed

my fair share of disassociation.

You're talking to the girl
who convinced herself

that years of sewing skin masks

was a fancy tea party.

But I was in control then.

This is different.

I'm not in control anymore.

As if what's happening isn't obvious?

You reap what you sow, Alice.

All of the murders, the pain, the misery

that you've inflicted, they were
the seeds that you planted

for the garden you'll be buried in.

Got it.

Speaking of gardens,

where have you been frolicking?

Gotham Park.

I think I exposed myself
to whatever that thing is.

Ohh. I took a sample of the vine,

but I can't figure out
if it's poison oak,

poison sumac, poison hemlock.

Poison Ivy.

Let me in!

Oh, my God.

He's got Ryan.

Open this door right now!

But he wants you.

If I open this door,
I'm as good as dead.

Ugh.

Your lesson is

that when someone shows you
who they are believe them

because if I'm how she treats the people

spending their days
trying to impress her,

guess how she'll treat
someone she sees as a thr*at.

JADA: Get away from my daughter!

Take me instead. She did nothing to you.

Well, well, madam swine.

You know what your lesson is?

Perfection comes at a price.

Err!

[GASPS]

Rrr!

Raah!

- Rah!
- Look out!

RYAN: Incoming!

Aagh!

Unh!

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

Aah!

ALICE: Ahh. Flamingo.

Excuse me?

The bullwhip k*ller.

It's the flamboyant, pink
Harley-straddling psycho Flamingo.

Victim was in a rival g*ng,

DNA evidence,
blah, blah, blah... science,

but the point is
if the biker boot fits...

I'll alert the victim's
family and put out

a warrant for this Flamingo,

and I guess that means Catwoman's
whip is still out there.

Ohh, and I can't wait to get to that

when I'm back from Tahiti

because I believe that, um...

this buys me a week's vacation.

And what is this?

Your girlfriend,

although she is looking a little frail.

This is a dead cutting from her vine.

- Where did you get this?
- Does it matter?

I reunited you with
your long, lost love.

To think I was confused
about Batman and Catwoman.

It matters because these
vines don't die unless...

Unless what?

Unless she's infected someone else.

SOPHIE: What you thinking about?

- What was for dessert.
- Heh.

Jada's hiding something.

I don't know what,
but I trust my gut on this.

She's lying.

Then it's time for her
to tell me everything.

Call you tomorrow,
tell you what I learned?

Good luck.

Great first date, huh?

Definitely memorable.

And people wonder why I
don't throw dinner parties.

You okay?

Your girlfriend left this.

Once a Crow always a Crow, huh?

I didn't know about Jordan Moore.

Your word is not good enough, Jada.

Well, it has to be.

I didn't know about Jordan

or the experiments or the deaths.

How could I? I'm a mother.

The whole point of all this was
that no one else get hurt.

The whole point of what?

I'm gonna tell you something,

and for your sake, for
everyone you love's sake,

you need to keep it to yourself.

- You need to promise me that.
- I can't,

not until I know what it is.

Marquis is sick.

JADA: What's going on, Marquis?

What'd you get for your birthday?

MARQUIS: A bug collector kit.

Ha! That's cool.

What are you doing
with that magnifying glass?

Melting ants. See?

They burn up in the sun.

JADA: There was an incident

during a school field trip.

Marquis was on the bus.

It pulled up to a stoplight.

GOLIATH: ♪ The sustained heart,
pain, and a dark fever ♪

JADA: And suddenly, a man
dressed like a clown...

green hair, purple suit,
big, ugly smile...

he jumped on board, took over the bus.

The Joker?

There was an encounter with my son.

The Joker had this zapper on his hand.

- The joy buzzer.
- Whatever it's called.

He pressed it against my son's forehead,

and an electrical charge
went through his brain.

After that day, he was different, dark,

horrifying.

Marquis? No. Marquis has
been nothing but nice to me.

Sociopaths are charming
% of the time, Ryan.

MARQUIS: Mom, don't be so lame.

JADA: It's not lame to tell
your dad happy birthday.

I wrote him a card!

Sweetheart, your father's overseas,

and it would mean so much to him

- if he heard it from your...
- I said no!

JADA: Specialists,
neurologists, psychologists.

I have spent millions trying
to fix him behind his back

so I could have my sweet boy again,

but no one's been able to help me,

and then I learned of cryostasis.

So you were behind the Freeze Serum.

I had no idea my research team

was conducting human experiments.

I just thought if I could
sideline Marquis for a while

it would buy me some
time to find a solution.

MARQUIS: He's going in for another bite.

How's the burger, Dad?

Delicious.

[COUGHING]

What the hell?

Uh-oh. He's on to me.

- Is that peanut butter?
- Ha ha ha!

[COUGHING]

JADA: What's wrong?

Peanuts. Burger.

Franklin, where's your pen?
Where's your pen?

GOLIATH: ♪ Backfires ♪

♪ Now you're dancing through the smoke ♪

♪ Like nothing else matters ♪

♪ Where are you going, boy? ♪

Why are you telling me this?

Because everything I have done

since the day we met

has been to protect you, Ryan.

And because I need your help.

All I want is to stop Marquis

before anyone else gets hurt.

MAN: Greg, move your head!