02x02 - Black Hat Society Part 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Stan Against Evil". Aired: October 2016 to November 2018.*
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"Stan Against Evil" follows a grumpy retired sheriff of Willard’s Mill, a small New England town built on the site of a massive 17th century witch-burning, and the new sheriff, as they fight a plague of unleashed demons.
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02x02 - Black Hat Society Part 2

Post by bunniefuu »

- Do you have a Barret here?
- No, I told you up there.

No, I don't mean up there.
I mean down here.

- There's one unmarked.
- That's it.



[Grunts]

[Bang]

Dad, did you do that?

- No.
- [Rumbling]

Get out of there.

[Boom]

[Screeches]

[Laughs] I knew it!

You ugly son of a bitch!

[Screeches]

[All screaming]

[Screeches]

Get down!

[Screeches]



This is a trap set by my
father years ago.

The wraith cannot be destroyed.

- [Screeches]
- Come on!

[Screeching]



Wow.

That was easy! [Chuckles]

I-I mean, I thought we were dead,

and then shovel to the head,

and then boom, boom, boom!

Lara: But this is a wraith.

The ancients declared them invincible.

Yeah, well, the ancients didn't have

the same shovel technology
we have available to us today.

Stan: What now?

The eyes. [Chuckles nervously]

The prophesy says take out its eyes.

Well, you women are always bitchin'

about wanting to do a man's work.

Here's a perfect opportunity.

Step right up, sister.

No. I'm good.

Ah, it figures.

[Shovel clanks]

[Splat]



Oh!

What the hell is this dump?

It smells like an armpit's assh*le.

This is what's left of the
Eccles family farmhouse.

It dates back to the time
when he was constable.

And?

If you take the eyes of the
wraith through that door,

you will emerge on the day
the wraith was buried in .

There, you will find Evelyn Barret.

And... And... And once again,

how do you know all this stuff?

I know the legend.

Well, it... it...
it turns out, to be frank,

all legends aren't necessarily true.

Did you ever hear the one

about Mick Jagger getting
it on with David Bowie?

Yeah, right!

David Bowie was married
to a big, beautiful black chick,

and Mick Jagger looks like a baby bird.

I'm not buyin' it.

Mr. Miller!

[Breathing heavily]

What happens if it don't work?

Well, I guess you end up
standing over there.

Guess I'm just gonna
have to risk it, eh?

Are you sure you're ready?

No, I'm not sure I'm ready.

I'm sure I'm out of my g*dd*mn mind,

but every day, I keep rememberin'

more and more stuff about
this woman that I've never met.

So I don't know what the hell
else I'm supposed to do!



Here, take this.

It'll help you stand out a little less.



Later, tater.

Here we go, fellas.

[Chuckles] Outstanding.
_

Oh, all right.

Going just as crazy as a sh*t-house rat.

Thaddeus: Evelyn Barret,

as constable of Willard's Mill Township,

I, Thaddeus Eccles,

accuse you of the crime of witchcraft.

[Indistinct shouting]

[Evelyn grunts]

Evelyn Barret, unholy viper!

I am not the viper! You are!

- I know him.
- Woman: Watch your mouth, blondie!

Oh, please!

I know you.

Child of Satan, you shall be purified...

[Grunts]

And nothing quite purifies like fire!

[Chatter]



[Sighs]

[Speaking Latin]



[Rumbling]



- [Boom]
- [All gasp]



[All screaming]

Behold the winged steed
of God's own army!

Look not upon it...
lest your eyes be struck out!

[Screeching in distance]

[Screeches]



Aah!



[Grunts]

Oh!



Hey. Hey!

Oh.

Stan?

Oh, I do know you.

It's... You're Evie.

How did you get here?

[Wings fluttering]

Don't move.

Duck!

- Duck!
- [Screeches]

[g*nshots]

[Screeches]

Well, that was close.

It's not dead.

I k*ll him with a shovel in years.

Still have one b*llet left.

Yeah. We may need that
one for ourselves.

You know... in case they catch us

and we can't make it out of here.

Then we need two b*ll*ts.

Right, right.

T-Te-Technically, we could
stand next to each other

and maybe mush our heads
together so that we're really...

Let's just go.

Now I'm the bad guy?

Give me a break!

Here we go. Ladies first.

Oh, thanks.

She's mine!

My daughter or the constable.

You can't have both.

[Laughs]

Go ahead and k*ll me.

That is the plan.

She'll do it.

She's crazy like that.

There's still one in the chamber
with your name on it.

FYI, this is exactly
why I was saving that b*llet.

Sure, it was.

- [g*n cocks]
- [Screeches]

- [Screams]
- [g*nsh*t]

- [Grunts]
- [Screeches]

[Grunts]

I had him!

You almost got your head ripped off.

But I had him!

A fraction of a second more!

Are you even kidding me?

That thing was this close to you.

Never mind the fact that I just
traveled back years for you.

Stan!

You know, you... you are unbelievable.

You're unbelievable.
It's all coming back to me now.

This is... This is you, isn't it?

This is you in a nutshell.

And somehow I'm the assh*le, me?

And you're... you're the high priestess,

Queen Evie Barret.

[Voice breaking] Stan...

Oh.

Yeah.

[Breathing heavily]

Okay, then.

[Chuckles]

[Inhales deeply]



- [Sighs]
- [Telephone rings]

Willard's Mill Sheriff's Department.

Oh, neighbor's blasting music.

H-Hang on.

You okay?

Yeah.

You're just sitting there, smiling.

I'm just happy to be here.

Uh, no, ma'am, I can hear it.

Yeah, that's
"Sweet Talkin' Woman" by ELO.

The Electric Light Orchestra.

It's Jeff Lynne and Roy Wood's attempt

to combine pop songs
with a classical structure.

No, no.

Emerson, Lake & Palmer
were contemporaries.

No. [Stammers]

[High-pitched ringing]

Hey, Evie...

Evie?

Where'd you go?

- [Ringing continues]
- Uh, I'm right here.

What? [Chuckles]

Evie?

Evie?!



Hey!

You out here?

Hey, ding dong, are you high?

I'm right here.

- Evie?!
- Geez!



She must have gone out for ice cream.

- Hey.
- Ice cream.



[Exhales sharply]



- [Door creaks]
- There you are.

Wait, you can see me?

- Yeah.
- You can see me now?

Yeah.

But you couldn't a minute ago.

- While you were in the bathroom?
- [Telephone rings]

- No.
- No.



[Sighs]

No, ma'am. I hear it.

That's "Turn to Stone."

He seems to be playing the
entire "Out of the Blue" album.

This was a transitional period for ELO

as punk began to work its way
into the U.K. charts.



Oh.

[Sighs]

Hello, Constable.



Okay.



[Whimpers]



Throw what you want.

I'm not really here.



[Chuckles]

I'm here.

Well, if I could crawl
inside my own head,

I'd b*at your...

ass.

Evie or my daughter...
you can't have both.

I don't care about your daughter.

They can't both exist in the same time.

[Chuckles]

Evie's making that discovery right now.

She'll be gone soon.

Not alive...

not dead.

Trapped between the two worlds.

[Chuckles]

Literally, a fate worse than death.

[Chuckles]

Or...

[Clicks tongue] you could, um...

give her back to me.

A moment of pain, then it's all over.



Boy, you don't know me
at all, do you, Butch?

Did you ever wonder...

how easy it was for you
to travel back years?

[Chuckles]

Did you ever think
that it might be possible

for you to travel back just...

one year?

Hmm?

One year...

to maybe save the life
of someone you lost?

Someone who...

means a great deal to you.

Claire?

I could go back and save Claire?



Evie or my daughter...
you can't have both.

[Chuckles]

If eyes equals years,

and one year is / th
of an eye, carry the ...

- Stanley, don't be sloppy.
- Hey.

I got a problem.


I keep... disappearing.

I-I was at the sheriff's
station with Leon,

and suddenly, he just couldn't see me.

And he was scared to death.

- I believe you.
- Now, I know it's... You do?

Yes. It's okay. I have a plan.

Do you want to tell me the plan?

I don't know. Did I tell you the plan?

- No.
- There ya go.

- What?
- The plan.

- Yes.
- No.

- To what?
- The plan.

- So tell me.
- Well, that's settled.



What just happened?

[Brakes squeal]



Hello, Sheriff.

Where's that pipsqueak chick?

Constance? [Chuckles] She left.

Ah!

- You got liar eye.
- Uh, what?

You look upward when you lie.

"Oh, she left."

You can't hide your lyin' eyes.

The Eagles, .

I'm serious, Sheriff.

She left last night.

I don't know where she is.

Okay. I ain't going anywhere.

I'll be around.

Spinners... .

'Cause one way or another,

I'm gonna find you.

Blondie, .

[Sighs]

He'll be back.

And by then, I'll be ready for him.

Constance? [Gasps]

- I can't...
- I know you can't.

Stan Miller won't be a
problem after tonight.

[Gasps]

- [Rock music playing]
- [Laughter]

- ♪ We gonna do things our way ♪
- Whoo!

♪ We have assumed control ♪

♪ Brute Force ♪

- Hey.
- ♪ We're droppin' out of Charm School ♪

- What's this?
- ♪ No more please and thank you ♪

♪ Now we're gonna spank you down ♪

[Brakes squeal]

Thanks. My car broke down.

Can I hit you guys up for a lift?

Sure thing. [Chuckles]

♪ Droppin' out of Charm School ♪

♪ Now we're gonna harm you ♪

♪ No more please and thank you ♪

- ♪ Now we're gonna spank you down ♪
- Yeah.

How you doing?

Hey.

[Music continues]

So, um... where you headed?

Well, I was on my way to a party,

but it's probably over now.

What are you guys doing?

[Music continues]

Well...

we could have a party right here.

[Chuckles] I like your thinking.

Ooh, you do want to party.

[Speaking Latin]

What are you doing?!

Oh!

[Men screaming]

[Crickets chirping]

[Sighs]

There he is.

What took so long?

- Where the hell's Evie?
- What, she's...

She was right here.

Evie? Where did she go?

Perfect.

Oh, she's probably out
getting her hair done.

- What?
- Come on, Dad.

[Chuckles] She never gets her hair done.

Thanks. Jesus.



Right.



[Knuckles cr*ck]

Hey, where are you going with that g*n?

Stan: I, uh...

I gotta go k*ll a little girl.

[High-pitched ringing]

Wait a second!

You're gonna what?!

There's this little girl.

Stan: She's... She's not from this time.

She's from where Evie was.

I gotta send one of them back,

or Evie's gonna be a ghost
for the rest of her life.

So what are you gonna do?

I gotta either send that little girl
back where she came from or...

I gotta send her
back where she came from.

[Groaning]

Evie: Stan!

Stan, look out!

Constance: You're not going anywhere.

[Groaning]

Jesus, God!



Ow!

[g*nshots]

Oh, come on.



[Tires screech]

Car!

Oh!

[Body thuds]

[Chuckles]
Teenagers sure are full of goo!

[g*n cocks]

There's still one in the chamber.

In the car, sister.

[Chanting in Latin]

No chanting.



Where you been?

I was getting my hair done.

Take us out to the old
Eccles farmhouse, will ya?

- [Engine starts]
- She heard me?



What exactly did you do
to those two guys back there?

I know some tricks.

Father's daughter, huh?

No.

I hate him! I hate who he is,

and I hate who he's made me!

I want to be as far away
as him as possible,

but you're sending me back to him.

Well, you can't stay here.

Tell her, Evie.



Evie?

Oh, goddamnit!

- Inside.
- You can't make me go.

- The hell I can't!
- [g*n cocks]



Damn it.

I can't.

You can't stay here.

My friend is gonna die.

Do you understand?

My friend is gonna die.

Y-You know some tricks.

Figure out a way...

to go to another time.

I don't care when.

It just can't be now.



Here.

Here.

You take these.

Just do me one favor...




Stan: "Find Gerard DuQuette.
And may God help you."



[Sighs]

Oh.

Sheriff.

Good morning, Deputy. Thank you.

[Laughs]

Ah!
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