03x01 - Ashes to Ashes

[bunniefuu]

VALERIE: Previously on "Casual"...

Well, it, uh,
looks like you're being asked

to sell a stake in Snooger

to JME Capital.

Jordan Anderson. Thanks for coming in.

VALERIE: So you, uh,
took home the boss' wife.

You can hang around,
watch me fire your employees.

Or you can sign.
They all get to keep their jobs,

and Snooger becomes a line item

on a spreadsheet I glance at
every other quarter.

You didn't, uh, borrow
me and Mae-Yi's road bikes

last Saturday, did you?

I just found out
that my friend has cancer

and it's a little hard for me
to think about bikes right now.

Come on, it's tattoo roulette.

The surprise is half the fun.

Emojis?

SPENCER: They're our emojis.

They're from our first text.

So what, you're not into me anymore?

You know that feeling

when you get someone and they get you?

Yeah.

It's gone.

[melancholy music]

DREW: I made a mistake.

I want you back.

Jesus, Drew.

I'm dying.

Where's Mom?

CHARLES: Your mother has chosen to

recuse herself from the situation.

She finds this whole thing
a bit unpalatable.

So we're supposed to take care of you?

Unpalatable?

I'll be euthanizing myself this evening.

ALEX: This is really what you want?

CHARLES: It is.

♪ ♪

LAURA: Guys?

♪ ♪

You're not really going back
to Drew, are you?

No, I don't think I am.

But it's time for me
to leave this house.

It'd been, I don't know,
three weeks, a month.

And I thought she was doing great.

But then the phone rings...

Two days. That's how long it took.

Two days before the texting started.

I wanted to believe
she could leave the nest,

that she could fly, but...

"Hi. How are you? What's going on?

It's... oh... it rain."

I get it. This is all new for her.

A new house, a new world.

It's like that scene
at the end of "Room."

The smiley face, the winky face,

the laugh-cry, cry-cry, the...

And that neighborhood
is not safe at all.

He's an emotional wheel of fortune.

You know, it's just spinning
and spinning and spinning...

She's crying out for help.
"Save me, save me, save me."

Did I tell you that he's

renting out bedrooms like a brothel?

Well, does he

make money from just the rooms

or does he take a piece of the action?

Brothel-wise?

That's not funny because

he... he could end up
with a serial k*ller.

And serial K*llers really like

the whole real apartment experience.

You think I'm overreacting?

Yes.

Oh.

Where is this f*cking German?

Thought their whole thing
was efficiency.

German?

- [doorbell chimes]
- Huh.

Bye, Leon.

[muffled] Hans!

Hans.

Hans?

Yes.

How do I look?

For what?

Good night.

Hot tub,

record player, bar,

laundry, kitchen that way.

My room.

Dad's charred remains.

And your choice of bedroom.

Left was my sister's.

Right was my niece's.

You really can't go wrong,
but I'm guessing

less weird sh*t went down in that one.

[softly] Oh.

This will work.

Great. All right, I gotta run,

but text me if you need anything.

Restaurant recs, bars.

It's important you not
see this as an Airbnb

but as your home away from home.

I will try.

Wunderbar.

Don't forget to sign the guest book.

[upbeat pop music playing]

♪ ♪

Yeah, I've been
working on some new stuff.

And I'm reading.

Playing the guitar.

Just kind of catching up, you know?

Wow.

What?

Nothin... I don't know, just...

you sound good.

Yeah, I think I am.

How's Dad?

Oh, you know,

same old.

- Is he haunting you yet?
- No.

I'm sure they had to
bring in a bigger boat

to get him across the Styx, so

I doubt he's even settled in.

We should think about
what to do with his ashes.

I read that you can
plant them in a tree.

He'd probably start some arboreal plague

and turn the world
into a "Mad Max" desert.

Yeah, probably.

Maybe we could sh**t him into space?

[soft laugh]

Or... I've got it,

make him into fireworks.

Or a pencil set.

[laughs]

Mm.

I don't know, maybe we should just

bury him in my backyard.

Yeah. That's probably best.

Did you valet?

I'm around the corner.

Oh, okay.

- This was fun.
- Want to get another drink?

[soft chuckle]

You don't have to, I just

like drinking.

No, totally, um...

It's just getting kind of late.

I've got a long day tomorrow.

Oh, yeah. Me too.

You know, clients.

You know.

- It was good to catch up.
- Yeah.

Let's do it again sometime soon.

Yeah, of course.

Oh.

- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.

[lock clicks]

[exhales]

Hello?

Good night, Hans.

[gentle music]

[playful upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Val, good morning.

Hey, Tina.

Oh, wow, isn't it perfect out?

It's the kind of day
where you want to lie out

and drink mimosas until dark.

Yeah. That does sound very decadent.

I... I just wanted to check back in

about my sink.

Oh... ugh. The sink.

You are so right, and that is my bad.

My handyman has been on
this soul searching expedition,

and I didn't want to interrupt him

unless it was absolutely necessary.

But I see now that it is necessary.

So you know what?
I'm gonna sh**t him a text.

How's that sound?

That's great.

- Thank you.
- No worries.

And in the meantime,
enjoy this perfect morning.

[playful upbeat music]

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Hans. Perfect timing.

Pull up a chair.

So how was your night?

Seeing the sights?
Getting a feel for the city?

Yeah. It's very nice.

[exhales] Great.

And you're here for business? Pleasure?

Not that those two things
are mutually exclusive

and, really, it's sad
if they are, but...

you know what I mean.

I have a couple of meetings.

- Then I...
- Hey.

Question for you.

Do you think

our obsession with borders
and national identity

is holding us back from creating
a global egalitarian society

or

are we, as animals in a

world of scarce resources,

simply destined for a life
of tribal infighting?

That is

a very complicated question.

Oh, hm. Right?

It's funny the things you think
about when you've got free time.

Also I've been getting into soccer.

Do you like Bayern Munich?

Uh, yes.

Mm. We should watch a game.

Match?

Thank you for the breakfast.

Oh. Anytime.

Let me know about that game.

[door opens]

[melancholy music]

[door shuts]

♪ ♪

WOMAN: Your call has been forwarded

to an automated voicemail service.

- LEON: Leon.
- WOMAN: Is not available.

At the tone, please record your message.

- [tone]
- Leon.

It's me.

I know your voicemail's
transcribing this.

Does that happen in real time?

Are you reading this right now?
[button clicks]

Is it accurate?

So many questions. Call me. I miss you.

[door opens]

Yes?

I'm here.

I can see that.

You're also minutes early, so...

Yeah, figured you could
knock me out early

and have the afternoon to yourself.

Thoughtful, isn't it?

Do you think that
you're my only patient?

Of course not.

Who you got in there?

It's none of your business.

Do they have problems?

They do, don't they?

Not worse than yours.

[soft laugh] Fair enough.

How about a latte?

[light music]

Sit here.

Don't move. Don't press any buttons.

Literally or metaphorically?

♪ ♪

Leon, did all that transcribe too?

[cash register beeping]

[Muzak playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Laura, if you ever
want to talk about anything,

I'm here.

It may not always seem like it, but I am.

I want it off my body.

Every time I see it, I think of him.

What would that cost?

, ?

Well, , .

What does your mother say?

I don't think she really cares.

Tell you what,

you pay for half

and I will pay for half.

You get a summer job.

Might be good for you.

You might actually learn something.

Really?

Really.

Huh.

What?

[mumbles] That was just

an awfully normal
father-daughter moment.

Well, I do have my days.

Speaking of which,
do you want me to come

to your grandfather's memorial?

Memorial?

[light music]

[phone buzzes]

[tools clank]

♪ ♪

Sure I can't get you something to drink?

[soft grunting]

It's all right. I, uh,

I think I've almost got it.

- [soft grunt]
- [tools clanking]

Have you been talking to Alex?

Not as much as he'd like.

But he seems good to you, right?

- [soft grunt]
- Like healthy?

Mm.

I mean, he's going to therapy.

That's positive.

Although Jennifer
wouldn't be my first choice.

Um...

I... I don't know.

I mean, I guess I just thought he'd have

more trouble with the
transition, you know, just...

maybe reverting back
to his bullshit phases and...

You have no idea
what you're doing, do you?

No.

[door closes]

[footsteps approach]

[light music]

Have you talked to Grandma?

♪ ♪

How do you not check your mail?

- It's a lifestyle choice.
- No, it isn't.

Jesus.

It's giving me hives
just thinking about it.

- What else is in here?
- I don't want to know.

- That's why I don't open it.
- Oh.

"Please join me in celebrating the life

of Charles Cole, May th : ."

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

What?

"Please bring your father."

Oh, f*ck that!

She disappears without a word,

and now she wants to play
grieving widow?

She's not getting his ashes.

We m*rder*d him.

We did the dirty work.

She can't take that from us.

Oh, Hans, Val.

Val, Hans.

f*cking unbelievable.

[muffled hip-hop music playing]

[muffled laughter and talking]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Tina's having a party.

Where do you think I'm going?

[soft laugh]

Hey, so, um, I talked to Dad.

Mm-hmm?

And he said he'd pay for

half of my tattoo removal

if you paid for the other half.

Really?

Yeah.

So that's how he's parenting now?

Just throwing money at a problem?

Maybe he just
wanted to do something nice.

[sighs]

Good night, Laura.

Night, Mom.

[elevator dings]

[lock twists]

What?

Oh, come on.

This isn't even close

to the worst thing I've done.

True.

It happened at night, : ,

: .

And it takes a while
for people to get there.

So we waited,

the three of us.

And...

nobody really said anything,

because, I mean, what do you say?

And then some people showed up.

Paramedics, police.

And they took some statements.

They looked around the house for a bit.

And...

then they picked him up and took him.

And then that was that.

He was gone.

Doesn't sound that different
from what he usually did.

Coming and going.

Okay.

But the other times
I knew he'd come back.

You said you hated that.

When he'd just show up.

I did.

But then he came to me
in his final moments.

He came to me when Mom ran away,

and now she wants him back,

but she doesn't deserve him.

You mean she wants his ashes.

Sure. Exactly.

That's not the same as wanting him.

It's more like

the memory of him.

Are you saying she doesn't deserve that?

Is there a reason
why you're holding on to them?

Why you haven't spread them?

I kept them because
nobody else wanted them.

Now someone does.

[sighs]

[gentle playful music]

♪ ♪

[phone buzzes]

Hello.

How are you?

I'm not going to your father's memorial

so you don't have to worry
about bumping into me.

Drew.

Did you need something?

Um...

The... the plumber that we used to use

with the little portable boom box.

Do you have his number?

I'll text it to you.

Thank you.

Glad to be of service.

[sighs]

And, by the way, um,

about the tattoo thing.

I'll split it with you, I... I just...

think that's something
that you should have

talked to me about first.

DREW: I didn't say we'd split it.

- Really?
- DREW: Yeah.

I told her if she got a job,
I'd pay for half.

Uh-huh, yeah.

DREW: Well, now she should get a job

to pay for the whole thing,
don't you agree?

- Yeah... yes, I agree.
- DREW: Okay.

- I'm saying I agree.
- DREW: Great.

- Okay.
- DREW: Take care.

You too.

What's up?

Why would you lie to me
about the tattoo?

Because I'm a teenager?

Also, I figured you'd be busy

dealing with your own stuff.

Well, [clears throat]

if you want it removed,

you can earn the money yourself.

All of it.

[light music]

Fine.

♪ ♪

ALEX: [sighs] Dad.

I don't know if you can hear me,

but in the off chance

you're floating on a cloud
with a harp and not

toiling away in some sulfuric hellscape,

- I, um...
- [footsteps approaching]

Hans?

No. Do not get up.

Where are you going?

I no longer wish to stay here.

What? Wait.

No.

Come on. I'm sorry.

Stay. I'll make you a waffle.

Huh?

We'll talk it out.

[sighs]

The tribes.

The tribes and the infighting.

That is my answer.

What?

Auf Wiedersehen.

[light music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, hey. Sorry.

Hans left early. Can you believe it?

He's gonna k*ll my host rating.

I may need you to write
some fake reviews.

Alex, what the f*ck?

Oh. Right, um. I talked to Jennifer.

And she said it's not like we're
actually giving Dad to Mom.

It's more like we're just

transferring his memory
to someone who needs it.

You didn't think I'd want a say in that?

Do you?

Yes.

We talked about it.

What... at dinner?

With the pencil set?

I... I thought we were doing a bit.

God. Even when I'm gone,
you manage to punish me.

Darlings.

You don't know how much
this means to me.

Your presence is
a kind and thoughtful gesture.

And... and this must be...

Oh, Charles.

How wonderful to hold you
in my arms again.

Laura, will you come and
help me find a place for him?

You can fill me in
on everything I've missed.

Mm. Where to begin?

[playful melancholy music]

♪ ♪

[breathes deeply]

[phone buzzes]

[chimes]

N... no.

No-no-no.

Hey. Tina.

Yes, hi, it's Valerie.

Mm... mm-hmm.

Y-yes. O-okay.

Um, I don't care where your handyman is.

Hire a plumber and have him
fix my f*cking sink

before I get home, okay?

That is your job.
That is what you signed up for.

And you don't get to
just check out because

you don't feel like
doing the work, okay?

Thank you.

[gentle wind music playing]

[indistinct talking]

Oh, God.

[indistinct talking]

Thank you.

Your mom's pretty mad at me, huh?

Indeed.

Is she not doing well?

Uh,

she's the same,

but worse.

[soft laugh]

How 'bout you?

You know, people always ask me that,

and I don't think they
really want to hear the answer.

That's mostly true.

I need a job.

Me too.

Well, maybe we could work together.

If I see a listing
for a high school student

and a failed entrepreneur,
I'll let you know.

Well, technically,
I'm not even in high school.

Even better.

[soft laugh]

Go on.

[sighs]

[grunts]

[soft laugh]

You know, this is hard for me too.

It's new and it's different

and I'm trying to be okay with it,

but sometimes I just want to call you

and tell you everything and then
I remember that I shouldn't.

Just because we don't live together

doesn't mean we can't talk.

I'm sorry about the ashes.

His last words to me were,

"Sorry we weren't closer,
but maybe it's for the best."

What is that?
I mean, that's not closure.

That's... that's something
you say to a stranger.

His last words to me were,

"You have your sister,

and that's a real love."

[softly] Well.

Wish I'd been around when he said that.

That would have been a better memory.

DAWN: Come gather round.

I'd like to say a few words.

Save my seat.

Are you drinking?

Yes?

Can I have some?

DAWN: Thank you all for coming.

I know Charles would be overjoyed

to see such a collection
of friends and family.

While we weren't always together,

we were in the times that counted most.

The trips around the world.

The long nights spent
in each other's arms.

Charles was a special man.

He was a man of particular taste
and temperament.

While he had his detractors,

he was always true to himself.

Where are your shoes?

DAWN: A quality I will forever cherish.

Check your bag.

DAWN: But perhaps the thing
I'll remember most about Charles

is his selflessness,

his sense of charity.

You didn't.

We'll keep the memories for ourselves.

For him to take me in,

a single pregnant woman,

and raise my daughter as his own,

that speaks to his depth

and preponderance of character.

And for that, our family
will be eternally grateful.

[laughs]

[soft murmuring]

[snorts] S...

I'm s... [clears throat] I'm sorry.

[clears throat]

[Linda Lyndell's "What a Man"]

♪ ♪

LINDA: ♪ What a man,
what a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a mighty good man ♪

♪ Say it again now ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a mighty good man ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ A mighty, mighty good man ♪

♪ Let me put it on your mind
let me put it on your mind ♪

♪ He thrills me ♪

♪ Kills me ♪

♪ He's a loving kind ♪

♪ Another ounce of his love ♪

♪ And I think I'ma gonna slip ♪

♪ Lose my grip ♪

♪ And do back over flips ♪

♪ Listen now ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a mighty, mighty good man ♪

♪ Say it again now ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a mighty good man ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪