03x03 - The Table

[bunniefuu]

LAURA: Previously on "Casual"...

- Hey. So, um, I talked to Dad.
- Mm-hmm.

And he said he'd pay
for half of my tattoo removal

if you paid for the other half.

Really?

I just think that's something

that you should have talked
to me about first.

Why would you lie to me
about the tattoo?

Because I'm a teenager.

If you want it removed,

you can earn the money yourself.

All of it.

Fine.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Whatever you want.

It's your dad.

Let's do a night out in Burbank.

This is where we came from.

This is the land of our roots,

so let's see it one last time

and spread his ashes and be free.

Dad, you were less than perfect,

but you were there.

I don't hate you,

and I hope you find your peace.

It was unkind,

what you did to Valerie.

I don't know if you're lonely.

I assume you must be.

But telling her about some secret father

isn't gonna bring her back to you.

Not just a father.

A brother too.

A half brother just like you.

ALEX: [groans]

[door closes]

[silence]

[exhales deeply]

[soft guitar music]

[exhales loudly]

[clears throat, sniffs]

♪ ♪

What is normal, anyway?

Right? Whose standard are we using?

I feel normal.

Normal enough.

I mean, years ago,

we gave "abnormal" people shock therapy,

and now we hold parades with them.

Wonderful, colorful parades

full of happiness and joy,
and who's to say

some day they won't throw
a parade for me?

Do you want a parade?

Of course not. Nobody would show up.

I'm just saying, it's a continuum.

It's a sliding scale.

And you're happy with where
you're at on that scale.

Yeah, I feel good.

I mean, that's not to say
that I'm fixed.

That would imply that I was broken,

and I'm definitely not broken.

I just feel ready.

You're ready.

Yeah, to move forward. To move on.

To... move forward.

To move on? To move on.

To move forward.

Right. Um, okay.

You just k*lled your father.

You found out that your sister's
your half sister

and that she has another half brother.

Mm, yeah, I'm not sure how I feel

about using the word "k*ll."

It's more like I was

death's assistant, hmm?

His right-hand man.

[inhales deeply]

Look, I'm fine.

I've got a pitch lined up.

Leon and I are getting ribs later.

I feel good.

I feel really, really good.

Okay.

Well, if you change your mind,

door's always open.

Hey, maybe you and I
should get ribs sometime.

I'll bill you for our sessions.

♪ ♪

Cool.

Yes, no, I hear you, and I'm coming in

right now, Lacey,

and we can talk all about it, okay?

[doorbell rings]

It's open.

No, that wasn't to you.

Uh, but I'll be there soon, okay?

Bye.

Oh, Leon, you're a lifesaver.

You're an absolute f*cking lifesaver.

Okay, watch your head.

The movers are gonna be here
between : and : ,

but who knows?

They also said I'd have a table
two weeks ago.

Are you sure this is okay?

Y-yes. No, you're doing me a favor.

They're doing construction
outside my apartment.

VALERIE: Oh, that's great.
Okay, good. You're welcome.

I... I think the table's gonna really

bring the room together, don't you?

I mean, I'm using this, um,

sustainably harvested wood,
all reclaimed.

I'm not entirely sure
what it means, but...

it feels good to help.

That sounds lovely.

Um, maybe you could text me some photos

when it's in?

I'll be sure to.

A couple perspectives. Maybe three.

You don't have to go out to the patio.

Uh, is, um, Laura around?

Actually, no.

- She's at work.
- Oh.

VALERIE: All right, have the best time.

Thank you, Leon.

Yeah, no worries.

[stammers] Bye.

[door closes]

Each week, we'll meet here,

and you'll be driven

to high foot traffic locations.

Home Depots are popular.

Best Buy.

I'm a Ralphs guy myself.

Shifts are eight hours,

and you'll be given one or two

different ballot initiatives.

Big Sooners fan?

What?

Was there a question?

Uh, yeah.

Um, compensation-wise,

what are we looking at?

You know, 'cause the Craigslist ad

said up to two grand a week.

That's certainly possible.

All right, 'cause I...
I have a monetary goal

that I'm kind of working toward.

It's, uh, a signature.

Dollars?

Cents.

These are ballot props,

not credit card applications.

[chuckles]

[gasps] Did it come?

No, not yet.

Ugh, delivery people are the worst.

- Just the snooty ones.
- Well, true.

The family-run ones
with the illegal immigrants

who are just trying to make
a life for themselves

but are too afraid to step out in public

for fear of deportation are great.

My brother-in-law was a delivery guy,

and he used to just pee
on the floor for no reason.

That's, uh...

- That's awful.
- Yeah, it was.

But he was just a raging alcoholic

whose liver basically exploded
at a cr*cker Barrel.

- Jesus.
- I know.

cr*cker Barrels are also the worst.

Where are Tom and Lacey?

Oh, they're running late.

[soft instrumental music]

It's like "The Hunger Games" out there.

Only no one looks like Liam Hemsworth.

♪ ♪

Maybe Luke Hemsworth.

There's no such thing
as a "Luke Hemsworth."

I mean, what happened to all the jobs

that were promised to my generation?

That's the generation before yours.

The only thing you get is blame
for national apathy.

Ugh.

Hey, if you're really that desperate,

donate your body to medical research.

I guess I could sell my eggs.

They're fresh as they'll ever be.

I'm telling you, those studies
kept me afloat before Snooger.

Here, I found this
in literally eight seconds.

"Wanted, sexually active teens

between and ."

$ , a pop.

sh*t, really?

Yep. Come on, I'll drive you.

Least I can do for your generation.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[music stops]

♪ ♪

[music stops]

[sighs]

LACEY: I mean, it's obvious.

TOM: It's not obvious,

because it's not true.

He got a Samsung. Who gets a Samsung?

million people
in the U. S., to be exact.

He's only doing this so none
of our technology syncs,

and his pervy little messages
don't pop up on my iPad.

I simply prefer the Android
operating system.

To cheat with.

The phone is customizable,
it's waterproof,

and I can use whatever apps I want.

LACEY: They explode
in your f*cking hands.

- TOM: That's an urban myth.
- LACEY: Okay, take it on a plane.

You'll end up on a t*rror1st watch list.

That's a completely different model. It...

Will you please tell her

that I didn't cheat?

- Lacey...
- Wait.

Are you taking his side?

Um, I... I haven't...

I haven't said anything yet.

LACEY: Okay, can I just say one thing

that I realized in the middle
of cardio barre

about how seriously f*cked up
and pathological

this whole situation is?

Uh, yeah. Of course.

Go ahead.

Now I f*cking forgot.

♪ ♪

It's % "La Kwaw."

Everyone at Boingo said "La Croy."

Like, everybody.

JOE: Okay, it means "the cross"
in French,

so we should pronounce it
the way the French intended.

Uh, except this is America,

and it's an American company.

Irrelevant.

Can I help you?

Yeah, Alex Cole.

Here to see Brent and Ryan.

I live in "Los Feeliz."

We don't pronounce it "Los Feleez."

Right, 'cause we're r*cist
against Mexicans

and trying to subvert their language.

Sorry, who are you here to see again?

Brent and Ryan.

Well, that's ridiculous.

What about St. Croix?

We don't pronounce it "St. Kwaw."

- Excuse me.
- You can just take a seat.

Uh, can I get you some water?

Maybe a "La Kwaw"?

We've got lemon, lime, pamplemousse...

I'm fine.

First time, huh?

[chuckles]

That obvious?

My th.

Wow.

A real lab rat.

They'll pay you
for all kinds of sh*t here.

My favorite ones usually
involve weed or p*rn,

but they pay the least.

Oh, s... so it's not, like, a flat rate?

It varies.

There's a pelvic organ prolapse one

that pays $ , ,

but I think your vag*na would have to be

pretty much falling out.

Is your vag*na falling out?

No.

You couldn't do that one, then.

[clears throat]

[instrumental music]

♪ ♪

So how about we use the rest of the time

to focus on how
we're gonna move forward?

Easy. He's getting an iPhone.

I already had an iPhone.

It's too hard to type.

Um, I meant on an emotional level,

by reestablishing boundaries and trust.

Also, I hate it on principal.

You know? Have you seen the S?

Uh... no.

TOM: It's the wireless headphones.

They're a picture-perfect
example of corporate greed.

And there's an environmental issue too.

We are creating mountains
of electronic waste.

You don't even recycle.

Who doesn't recycle?

You know, I think that the iPhone

is a Band-Aid for a larger trust issue.

Tom, you've cheated on Lacey
in the past.

And, Lacey, you've become so sensitive

to any perceived transgression,

and yet you're still together,

and you have been for a while.

How many years has it been?

BOTH: Four.

Right.

So maybe by trusting him,

you allow him to be the partner

that he wants to be.

Get a or a f*cking S.

I don't care,
but you're getting an iPhone.

People lie in their profiles
about everything.

Age, weight, how much they drink.

Where they don't lie

is in their actions.

So why not make an algorithm

that utilizes and quantifies
every action you take?

What you order on Amazon,

what you listen to on Spotify,

where you Postmates from,

what p*rn you look at.

With MetaDater, you get a dating app

that curates true compatibility.

To love someone,

you have to know them.

And that means looking
beyond the persona

they adopt in public.

It means getting hard data
on who they are

and how they act in private.

This is really cool.

Yeah, really impressive.

Doesn't Tinder already do this,

- by liking with Spotify?
- Oh.

Yes, but we'd be using
a whole range of music apps:

iTunes, Tidal, SoundCloud,

Pandora, Shazam.

Mm-hmm. And what about The League?

Is that the one Amanda helped fund?

It syncs with your LinkedIn.

I heard they were doing
an Amazon thing too.

I love her. She's so great.

Oh, I love her too.
She lost all that weight, right?

- She did?
- Yeah, yeah.

In, like, four months.

She was doing two days at the gym.

She didn't eat a single carb.
BRENT: A different person.

- Changed her life.
- Oh, man.

- Um, Alex.
- Yes.

- ALEX: Mm-hmm?
- Thanks for coming in, man.

Yeah, we'll let you know,

but that was really great.

- So well-told.
- Mm-hmm.

[keys clacking]

[soft guitar music]

♪ ♪

[phone buzzes]

♪ ♪

[exhales deeply]

$ . .

[sighs]

I wasn't even an hour.

You need validation.

- There's a huge difference.
- There is not.

Pellegrino gets all the hype,
but at this point,

it's just trading in on its name.

Hey, I need validation.
Is that possible?

You are a talented guy,

and I'm sure you'll have plenty
of other ideas.

Don't worry, it'll happen.

But no, we don't validate.
It's company policy.

Sorry, man.

♪ ♪

Yep.

Yep.

♪ ♪

It's $ . now.

♪ ♪

[phone buzzes]

♪ ♪

[phone buzzing]

[sighs]

WOMAN: How many sexual partners
have you had?

Six.

Seven?

I've seen some sh*t.

Okay, and what age were you

when you lost your virginity?

.

Can you expand on that a little?

He was older, a lot older.

It was, like, salacious at first,

but then it just felt right.

We did everything.

Have you read "Lolita"?

You know you make the same
amount of money

if you tell the truth.

Oh.

So you lost your virginity at .

Yep.

But you've been on birth control

since ?

- Uh-huh.
- Why so early?

Um, my mom wanted to make sure
I was safe.

That I was, uh,

comfortable being physical.

She encouraged you to have sex
as a preteen?

I mean, I wouldn't say that.

Do you talk to her about
your sexual encounters?

Oh, I don't... I don't know how much

she wants to hear about them.

So she put you on the pill

and sent you on your way?

What's this study about, exactly?

♪ ♪

How's Dustin?

Justin. He's great.

Mm. What's he, like, five now?

He's eight.

Oh. They grow up so fast.

Mm-hmm.

So, uh, you're currently not working?

I'm dabbling in
the hospitality business.

Airbnb.

In the past months,

your expenses are nearly double.

Yeah, I had to pay
for my father's cremation.

And his wedding.

Not in that order.

Back in March,
you made a $ , purchase

at a furniture boutique?

Mm-hmm, chairs. They're gone now.

How attached are you to your home?

Very.

Mount Olympus McMansions

are encroaching on the whole canyon.

My house is a safeguard against G-Wagons

and decorative lion statues.

If I put you on a budget,

your savings can get you through
the end of the year.

Maybe.

Let's itemize.

Last month, you spent $

on music streaming services.

"Lemonade" was a Tidal exclusive.

And Taylor Swift is only on Apple Music.

$ on Lyft.

I'm contributing to the service economy.

$ , on Postmates.

It's for groceries too.

Drive yourself,

shop yourself,

and cook for yourself.

And get a job.

And I want you to delete the apps.

Less temptation.

You're a monster.

You'll get used to it.

[chuckles]

Like a phantom limb.

Okay.

Do you know,
according to California law,

I could take you
to the small claims court

and sue you for damages incurred

by waiting.

♪ ♪

No, no, no, I'm a composer.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Two weeks. Yep.

And not a day longer.

♪ ♪

Thank you.

MAN: So we were about , ,

in her parents' basement, you know?

I thought she had rented
"The Princess Bride,"

but it was "The Prince of Tides."

You've seen it, right?

- Hmm?
- MAN: Mmm, No?

Oh, you'd love it.

Barbra Streisand plays a therapist...

who wears this, like, pink,

like, off-the-shoulder sweater,

you know the kind I mean?

Her name was Lowenstein.

And the movie has a lot
of butt r*pe and stuff,

but it really stuck with me.

Oh, crap.

Mmm. Oh, oh, my God.

- Oh, oh... yep.
- Here, let me just...

- Oh, my gosh. Thank you.
- Oh, here.

- Thank you.
- Here you go.

Mmm, mmm.

So now, ever since then,

whenever I jerk off,
I think "Lowenstein."

"Lowenstein," you know what I mean?

It's, like, sense memory.

The name turns me rock hard.

But it's the name
of my new boss at work...

who's a dude.

It's a real problem. Mmm.

I wish you wouldn't eat
during our session.

Oh, me neither.
I'm just... I'm starving.

Mmm.

♪ ♪

Ew, worse than the falafel?

Different, but equally bad.

LEIA: Oh, hey, I meant to tell you.

I saw a posting...
they're looking for someone

to teach intro to psych
at UCLA Extension.

My God, I would be a terrible teacher.

No, you wouldn't.

VALERIE: [chuckles]
I would tell the students

what a thankless f*cking job this is,

and not to waste their money
learning about things

that nobody wants to hear about,

even when they're paying you to say 'em.

- I mean, that...
- [laughs]

You're just so honest.

That's so inspiring.

Leia...

Get your masters in something else

before it's too late,
and the only thing you have

to look forward to in life

is a table.

♪ ♪

Uh, but...

- [door opens]
- Okay.

VALERIE: Have a great weekend.

Well, it's Monday.

Oh, God. See you tomorrow.

[Richard Hawley's "Tonight
the Streets Are Ours" playing]

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

RICHARD HAWLEY: ♪ Do you know why ♪

Leon.

♪ ♪

LEON: Uh, hi.

[stammering]

It's, uh, quite a tale. [chuckles]

Uh, you see, your cabinet
was, uh, faulty,

and I was fixing it with a drill,

and it was very loud,

so when they came, I, uh...

[exhales softly]

I'm sorry.

[stammers]

It's fine.

They'll redeliver in two weeks.

Two weeks?

♪ ♪

What's two more weeks?

I, uh...

made risotto.

And, um...

Here.

It's been decanted.

You...

can you excuse me for one sec?

LEON: Okay.

♪ ♪

[soft rock music plays on radio]

How was your pitch?

Terrible.

How was the study?

Invasive.

Overly personal.

They want me back tomorrow.

♪ ♪

You hungry?

Yeah, I could eat.

We could get some food,

bring it to your mom.

♪ ♪

Do you think my mom's a good mom?

♪ ♪

The best.

♪ ♪

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[door opens]

Can I talk to you?

In private?

Why is Leon on your floor?

Because he made dinner.

Cloth napkins and a checkered blanket?

He made you an indoor picnic.

We were supposed to get ribs later.

Yeah, well, he was waiting for a table.

He f*cked up. I'm sorry.

It's weird.
I don't know what to tell you.

[stammers] Why would you ask
Leon to wait for your table?

Because he's just
helping me out since I moved in.

Oh.

- Alex, no...
- Okay.

- Don't be mad.
- I'm not.

It's nice to have a friend
who's willing to help out.

Stop that. You're being nine years old.

Mm-hmm, pretty soon
you'll have beautiful,

soft-spoken, half British children,

and I'll give a speech at the wedding.

It'll be witty and self-deprecating,

and then you'll honeymoon in Bora Bora

or the south of France
with your new family,

and that'll be that.

[sighs]

I'm sorry. I've had a long f*cking day.

I would never honeymoon in Bora Bora.

I know.

[sighs]

[clears throat]

Good night, Laura.

Leon.

I should probably just...

VALERIE: Leon, I...

It's okay.

Thank you.

LEON: [softly] You're welcome.

[door opens, closes]

Ouch.

- Mom?
- I'm fine.

Ow. I'm fine.

It's all fine.

I just wanted you to have
a really nice table.

I don't care about the table.

Okay, fine, I wanted a table, Laura.

And instead I got Samsungs

and meatballs and drills,

and I just wanted to come home,

sit at a table, open up my journal

that the girl from Clover said
is ethical and eco-friendly,

because it's made from the hide of sheep

that d*ed from old age,

and I just wanted to map out

how I was gonna make my life
feel different.

I just want...

I just want things to feel different.

You really need a table for that?

Maybe I don't. I don't know.

f*ck this.

How's the job?

It was confusing.

What's confusing about
getting signatures?

I guess it was just boring.

Sometimes boring's not so bad.

[Devendra Banhart's
"Fistful of Love" playing]

[folk rock music]

♪ ♪

DEVENDRA BANHART:
♪ Well, we live together ♪

♪ In a living photograph ♪

♪ Of time ♪

♪ And so I'm left to pick up ♪

♪ The hints, the little symbols ♪

♪ Of your devotion ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm left to pick up ♪

♪ The hints, the little symbols ♪

♪ Of your devotion ♪

You're back.

¢ a pop, right?

♪ ♪

How many girls did you text

to come over last night?

- Four.
- Hmm.

But you're the only one
I wanted to hear from.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

SKYE: Call me a Lyft.

DEVENDRA BANHART: ♪ And I feel
your burning eyes ♪

How about I drive you?

DEVENDRA BANHART:
♪ Burning holes, yeah ♪

♪ Straight through my heart ♪

♪ It's out of love ♪

♪ It's out of love ♪

♪ Baby, it's out of love ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, it's out of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me, give me, give me ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful of love ♪

♪ Give me a little fistful ♪
of love, love, love ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Of love ♪