03x10 - Cake Walk

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Casual"...

Why are you giving my
nine-year-old a music sermon?

We're trying to find
Alex's sister's dad.

Oh. Is your mom still alive?

- I think so.
- Could you ask her?

There's something toxic in the air

that no one wants to talk about.

I just think you're making
my generation pay the price.

Please vote yes on the moratorium.

You're not poison. You know that, right?

Casey, Pete Nako
has office space in Sacramento.

Can you take a look on Friday?

- What's in Sacramento?
- The next battle.

Good news, I found your half brother.

This is my thing.

You can't just f*cking insert yourself.

This is when you leave.

- Can we talk?
- Yeah, why don't you, uh...

go to your hotel room
and give me a call?

When somebody says
they're gonna be there for you,

they have to actually show up.

I'm here now.

That was a good date.

♪ I took my love, I took it down ♪

["Landslide" playing]

♪ Climbed a mountain
and I turned around ♪

♪ And I saw my reflection ♪

♪ In the snow covered hills ♪

♪ Till the landslide brought me down ♪

- _
- KIDS: Hai! Hai! Hai! Hai!

I was afraid he was
gonna get kicked in the head.

You know, in a way,

karate is the original yoga.

Eastern tradition appropriated
by white people in crisis?

- Who are you?
- [laughs]

Do you think that we'll ever have sex?

Presumably?
I was banking on a spontaneous,

- passionate romp.
- Oh. [laughs]

People singing and dancing
while we do it.

No? That sounds right to me.

Spontaneity dies at childbirth.

- Libido does not.
- Hm.

- Let's make a plan.
- We can do it in the office.

- I prefer to keep my job.
- Huh.

- Oh.
- [gasps] Hey, buddy.

- Look who I ran into.
- Yo.

Jake's mom said I could
go over before dinner.

- Can I?
- Sounds like a plan.

Sounds like a plan.

Great, let's do it.

Do you think people in the th century
were guilted into hiking?

I feel like preindustrial
guilt was probably

- a little less exercise related.
- Oh, wow.

f*ck you, cotton gin.

You still up for the spa later?

I am totally up for that spa later.

- Is that Alex?
- Who's that?

- What'd he do? Steal a family?
- JACK: I know. Weird.

- JUDY: Okay, buddy.
- ALEX: Uh, can we go say hi

- for a second?
- JUDY: Yeah.

- Hi.
- Hey.

JACK: Hey.

- You're sweaty.
- Yeah, we hiked.

- JUDY: Hi.
- VALERIE: Did like... What we do?

- Like, six, seven miles?
- Probably two miles.

- [laughter]
- Okay. Felt like six or seven.

I wanna sit down. My limbs hurt.

- JUDY: Okay, bug.
- ALEX: Oh, uh, sorry, Judy,

- Valerie, Jack.
- Hey!

- ALEX: That's Clark.
- BOTH: Hi.

JUDY: Oh! You're...
You're Alex's sister.

Yup. How'd you guess?

Gypsy blood. My mom was a two bit psychic.

Ran a booth at the county fair.
You know the story.

[laughs] He told me about you.

Yeah. Right.

So what's been going on?

Um, I don't... Yeah, not much.

A lot. We should catch up.

We should do dinner
at my place next week.

- JACK: I'm in Dubai, remember?
- VALERIE: Oh.

JACK: But let's, uh,
let's go to the phones and...

Let me see. What about next week?

- The week after?
- I can't do Monday or Thursday

- of that week.
- Tuesdays are bad for me.

- Wednesday?
- I can't do Wednesday, sorry.

- VALERIE: All right.
- ALL: Friday.

- BOTH: Friday.
- Friday.

- ALL: Great.
- Thanks.

- JACK: Yeah.
- Okay, well, we should probably...

Yeah, we gotta...

Bye, kiddo.

- It was great to meet you.
- Yeah, really nice

to meet you guys.
See you in a few weeks.

- All right, bye.
- Bye.

See ya. Great to see you.

Yup.

That wasn't weird at all.

Hey, you with me?

- We have our plan.
- Our plan.

Yes.

All right, buddy.

Let's go. I bet you're starving.

Get up.

A spotless table tells no story.

- Now it's got character.
- Oh.

Oh, you think this is funny?

Or that I wouldn't notice
that all my wine is gone?

Sorry. I had some work friends over.

It was six bottles, Laura.

We were celebrating.

We won.

Okay, all right.

Well, this website says make a paste

of rottenstone? What?

Wait, no. No!

This... This is on you.

Remove the stain.

I don't want character.

["Put One Foot in Front
of the Other" by Bone Symphony]

♪ ♪

MAN: ♪ Open your eyes ♪

♪ ♪

MAN: ♪ With something to see ♪

♪ ♪

♪ A miracle place ♪

♪ A House full of magic ♪

♪ Well, I know we can do it ♪

♪ You know we can do it, too ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But there's work to be done now ♪

♪ Work to be done ♪

♪ You've got to put ♪

♪ One foot in front of the other ♪

♪ Put your other foot down, down, down ♪

- [clippers whirring]
- ♪ You've got to put one foot... ♪

[vinyl cracking]

Alex?

ALEX: Can you come up here, please?

What?

Okay, I need you
to take a look at something.

Oh, no! He's...

Sorry. Yeah. No.

Uh... I-I-I don't know, it's...

it's like a... it's a lot of skin.

- Like so much skin.
- It's the same amount of skin.

Right, but you...
You know when you see someone

who wears glasses without their glasses?

- It's like that, but worse.
- [groans]

Why would you shave it?

The constant bombardment
of messaging to conform

to unrealistic and arbitrary
beauty standards?

- But you're a dude.
- I know!

I know. I thought I was immune,

but then I saw that f*cking
Armani billboard on Sunset.

- Oh, the David Beckham one?
- Yes.

Can you close your f*cking towel?

Fine. Yes, the David Beckham one.

- Yeah.
- Who I don't even like

and he sucks at soccer now,

but he's got that, you know, the tattoos

with the pose with the white underwear

- and the sex muscles.
- Fine. She won't even notice.

- It'll be dark and you'll be...
- Rae, it's gonna be : p. m.

and we'll be sober.

Good luck.

[laughing]

He should come with a warning label.

- She's a grown woman.
- Yeah, with a kid.

and he's never had his hands

on that kind of technology before.

Well, should we go
back in time and stop him?

Like the X-Men?

- Jack?
- Hi.

Actually, I booked with him.
If that's okay if we switch?

Oh, uh... Yeah.

Hey.

- WOMAN: Ready?
- Yeah.

[exhales sharply]

[cell phone rings]

- Hey.
- Hey, so does Judy

have any dietary restrictions?
Is she a vegetarian or...

Do you order food by mail?
It's two weeks away.

Um, listen, when a man
goes to get a massage,

- does he usually get a... a...
- Happy ending?

VALERIE: Yeah.
Would a fancy spa do that?

Or is that more of a... seedy strip mall

in Glendale kind of thing?

ALEX: We're a capitalist society, Val.

Only difference between fancy
and seedy is the opening bid.

- So anywhere?
- ALEX: I don't know.

Google it. Oh, I gotta run. Bye.

- Hi.
- Hi.

We don't do that sort of thing here.

Oh, yeah, no, I know.

Of course.

[clears throat]

So...

off to scenic Sacramento?

- I'd like to visit.
- You should.

Or, I don't know, screw it.

Come along and unpack some boxes?

You need bodies, right?

No, I'm serious. I can make it work.

Laura, I can't pay you.

I mean, I can't feed you,
I can't house you.

I don't even know
where I'm sleeping yet.

- But I wanna help.
- Help here.

I mean, there's Skid Row,

- immigration, housing...
- I want to help you.

I mean... you were my favorite intern.

You're gonna do great things here.

[groans]

You okay?

Can we maybe close the curtains?

They are closed.

They really are just for
aesthetic purposes, huh?

[laughs]

Ooh, somebody's smooth down there.

Yeah, well, typically I'm
trimmed, not shorn.

Have you thought about blackout shades?

- Shh.
- Okay.

[exhales]

What's wrong?

Intellectually I know
this isn't a big deal.

I promise it's not.

Right, but millennia
of masculine bullshit

is in our DNA. Virility is like...

the center of the male psyche.

- Not w*r?
- That's virility adjacent.

- [laughs]
- You know this isn't about you. Right?

Of course.

We'll have other chances.

[sighs]

- _
- [Mariachi music playing]

♪ ♪

In my day, M&Ms were either
chocolate or peanut.

now you got crispy, mint, pretzel.

- All sorts of nonsense.
- Our moral order's collapsing.

You got that right.

A week? Is that
how little I mean to you?

Impotence is not an emergency.

- Don't say "impotence."
- Erectile dysfunction?

Okay, now you're just being cruel.

Is your self-worth really so defined

- by your sexual prowess?
- Yeah, it is.

Absolutely. Why do you think men spend

$ billion a year on Viagra and Cialis?

Some men just enjoy having sex.

I'm . I've had sex
in every possible way

given my anatomical structure.

My sexual enjoyment is secondary to...

well, tertiary
to the pleasure of my partner

and the inflation of my ego.

That is deeply narcissistic
and somehow...

- weirdly charming.
- Hm. Thank you.

Also, she had all these lights on.

- It was the lighting's fault?
- Well, yeah.

I think so.
Field conditions were a factor.

Also, um...

I may have over-gardened the hose area.

[clears throat]

Have you told Valerie
about our half-brother yet?

So don't worry if it's rough, okay?

That's why we workshop it, yeah?

Just make sure
it stays under five minutes.

I mean it. I'm gonna have a stop watch

and a whistle. Maybe even a track suit.

Thanks, everyone.

Valerie, may we speak?

Huh? Oh, yeah. Of Course.

Good luck.

Is this class too much for you?

Uh, no.

I-I mean, uh...

uh, wait, what do you mean?

I just feel like something's...

- Do you know what I mean?
- I don't.

Maybe if you finished that sentence?

You don't seem invested.

Or interested. Or sometimes even here.

Rea... Okay.

I mean...

- 'cause I know I missed a class, but...
- Ah.

Yeah, see, not just a class,

but the journey that is class.

- The journey?
- The personal

- and emotional journey.
- Okay.

That's what you're missing. My point is,

maybe what would be best
would be if you took off

the next couple of weeks...

and then we can feel out
when you're ready

to come back to class.

Okay. Actually no, Joanna.

- I'm not gonna do that...
- Hm.

'Cause, um, we're not on a journey.

This is a... This is a black box theater

which I... for some reason,
paid $ to be in.

Okay, I'll pro-rate your refund.

Thanks.

JENNIFER: Maybe you drove her
toward something

she wasn't ready for.

She drove herself.

I just gave her a name.

- Why even do that?
- I don't know.

I don't know.

I thought we could do it together.

Like we did with Dad's ashes.

But that's not what she wanted.

She wanted to wait.

- Or do it alone.
- Okay, well, I hate that.

That erosion of things.

The slow drifting apart.

I mean...

sometimes it's quick, right?

You break up, move away, say good-bye.

But other times it happens...

so gradually you hardly
even notice until finally...

You know. I hate that.

Is that what you think is happening?

She hangs out with Jack
and I hang out with Judy.

- But you like Judy.
- I like all people

who are smart and funny
and attracted to me.

But, yeah, I like Judy a lot.

Great. [clears throat]

Stop obsessing about Valerie.

Go have fun with a woman
who is probably too good for you.

One last question.

[clears throat]

Do you...

prescribe Viagra?

- Not to you.
- [scoffs] Fine.

I mean, she doesn't even have
the balls to say it.

Like, if you're gonna
kick somebody out of

storytelling class, f*cking say,

"I'm kicking you outta
storytelling class."

Maybe she was encouraging you to

- find the words yourself?
- Oh, f*ck off.

[clears throat]

I mean, why'd you take the class
if you weren't gonna show up?

Because, um...
Amateur Playwriting was all sold out.

- Oh.
- What about you?

Uh... [blows raspberries]

- I hate my day job.
- Oh.

How original. You and everybody else.

Right, but I only care
about me and I work in antiques,

and basically sit in a store,
alone, full of old, dead stuff

from other people's lives
and it's f*cking boring.

Have you ever had a happy ending?

Uh...

[indistinct chatter]

[balloons popping]

[gentle acoustic music]

♪ ♪

[applause]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

So...

you know, you didn't
want him to switch or...

No, I'm glad that he switched.
I mean, I would've... Yeah.

I would've asked a patient to switch.

But you don't f*ck your patients.

- Not that far gone.
- Right.

So it's different.

Of course you're insecure about it
because he's your boyfriend.

Well, I'm... I'm not insecure, but...

Oh, what? You're not thinking,

"If he can't trust himself
to get a massage,

how can he handle Dubai?"

I just wish I could get into his head
without getting all...

- therapist-y.
- You can.

Just ask him.

[doorbell rings]

- Hi.
- Hey.

Wow, it's really dark in here.

Yeah, I'm trying to conserve.

Enron. Never forget.

Could it be cancer?

I think it's more of a... a side effect
of cancer treatment.

Huh.

Okay, so, no cancer.

That's good.

When you wake up
in the morning, is it...

Buoyant?

There is a buoyancy. Yeah.

So it's not physical.

[sighs deeply] That's worse.

If it were physical,
I'd have something to blame.

The more you think about it,
the worse it'll get.

[sighs]

You're not gonna tell anyone
at work about this, are you?

[softly] I don't know.

- Think of the memes.
- [groans]

f*ck.

[laughs]

Don't be laughing at my neck pillow.

Have you ever worn the neck pillow?

'Cause once you've flows with,
you don't fly without.

Should we not have slept together?

Why would you say that?

Uh, that day at the spa?

- What about it?
- Um...

Sorry, can you...

- Okay.
- Okay, if you hadn't switched

and you'd gone with the woman,

what were you worried would happen?

Jeez, can we talk about this
when I get back?

My car's gonna be here any minute.

Yeah, I mean, would you
have gotten a hand job?

[chuckles] No, that's not...

Hand jobs aren't like a thing...

Okay, so what
would've happened before us?

Val, come on, you don't...

You know, it's just...
It's harder not to know.

I would've gone with the woman
and spent the session disarming her.

And after walking you to your
car I would've probably

gone back in and tried
to book another appointment

and not left until...

she agreed to go out with me that night.

And then after spending the weekend
f*cking each other at a hotel,

I would've probably
done it all over again

with the front desk girl.

I didn't want my mind
going anywhere near there,

- so I-I switched it.
- Yeah, smart.

- No, it... sh*t.
- [car beeping]

My car's here.

Have a great time in Dubai.

Look, we are good.

I just want you to know
that this is kinda...

- We're good.
- Yeah, I know.

I'll text you when I get there.

Yeah, that'd be great.

- _
- [keyboard clacking]

[sighs]

Too late to order in?

I'm too far gone now.

Maybe a backup pizza.

[phone ringing]

You on your way?

Clark's sitter just cancelled.

Alex, I have eight pounds
of chicken here.

Yeah, well, Jack's hale and hearty.

- [Rae growling]
- Stop it. Stop.

- VALERIE: What are you doing?
- Nothing.

VALERIE: Okay, I mean,
there's gotta be someone else.

Don't they have an Uber
for babysitters or something?

It's last minute, Val,
What's Judy gonna do?

Bring him?

- Am I supposed to feed you?
- I had a pupusa.

Okay, well, um...

just try not to set yourself
on fire while I'm here.

Okay.

Okay.

You think she'll like this wine?

[sighs] So long as it makes her tipsy.

[chuckles]

[doorbell rings]

[overlapping greetings]

- Come on in.
- Here you go.

- Oh, that's... necessary.
- Yeah

- Thank you.
- Hey. Good to see you.

- [overlapping greetings]
- ALEX: Thanks for having us.

I'm less sweaty this time. I promise.

- Okay. Thank you.
- And we're sitting

at his table looking at this
broken waffle maker

and there's people staring at
us passing around this video.

- What? Wow.
- [Judy laughs]

- I mean, how could I say no...
- Yeah. I... I lost it.

- to that?
- I guess I didn't know

- that you two worked together.
- That's right.

So, did HR make you sign
a little consent form thingy?

- I am HR.
- ALEX: Yeah.

- I wasn't gonna tell.
- No!

- [Judy laughs]
- That is highly controversial

and somewhat awesome, guys.

What about you two? How'd you reconnect?

- Um.
- VALERIE: Um...

Actually Valerie called me.
We went to lunch.

A very awkward lunch, actually,
now that I think about it.

I was pretty sure that I had blew it.

And then I came by and k*lled a rat.

Of course and, you know,
the rest is history.

Was history... is history.
However that term has...

Aw, you k*lled a rat for her.
That's so sweet.

Well, technically,
the cat k*lled the rat.

Are we hungry?

Do you know Fleetwood Mac?

I saw Stevie Nicks
at a Jamba Juice once.

Come with me.

Okay.

[laughter]

Thanks for offering Laura.

Oh, she was nine once, too.

Now she's a teenager with Emoji tattoos.

[laughs] I know.
Clark's principal sent an email

a few weeks ago saying that
the kids are watching

- p*rn at school.
- That's bullshit.

When I was a kid, I always had
to wait up till midnight

and hope HBO was showing
a documentary about some...

- woman orgasming in the woods.
- [laughter]

Now you can watch year olds
getting sodomized during recess.

The video said they were .

No wonder why we're raising
a generation of sex addicts.

- Eh, not a thing.
- What?

Sex addiction?

Yeah. It's a basic, human function.

Um... um... I'm a therapist. It's real.

JACK: You did a great job
with this chicken.

- Is there salt? Ah.
- Mm-hmm.

But how can you be addicted
to your own biology?

It's like saying
you're addicted to eating.

Well, there are eating disorders

and sex addiction
is an intimacy disorder.

I just feel like there's
a disorder for everything now.

Not liking winter, for instance,
is a disorder.

Seasonal affective disorder.
My cousin has it.

- It's that one.
- I have it, too.

It's the one where I get really sad

if it's not degrees
and sunny outside?

No, that's 'cause we're really spoiled.

Why would someone ever say
that they were a sex addict

if they didn't have, you know,
a disorder?

- If they didn't need help?
- I don't know.

Maybe they got caught. Needed an excuse.

JUDY: Hm, are you speaking
from experience?

- I plead the th.
- I'm grabbing some wine.

- Everybody good?
- Yeah.

- JUDY: Yes, thank you.
- Yeah.

"Don't Stop" is a good one.

Mom says it's about Bill Clinton.

Also "Everywhere." That's a great one.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

You're sad.

Why are you sad?

My friend moved away.

Maybe you guys can Skype.

She's not that kind of friend.

What kind of friend is she?

I'm not sure.

Do you love her?

You pick a song.

[laughter]

More wine?

So Jack and I went to Fresno.

- Oh, yeah?
- I met Rich and his family.

They're sweet.

I'm sorry. Who's Rich?

VALERIE: He's my half-brother.

Yeah, they're really nice.
Just really... warm.

Very down to earth. Grounded.

Lovely. We spent the whole weekend.

- Sounds great.
- And he's a butcher

which I don't know why
I find that so endearing,

but, um, I do and Jack
and Rich got along great.

- Right? You liked him?
- Yeah, he's nice enough.

- Yeah.
- Happy that worked out.

Well, I hope you can meet him
'cause I invited him to L. A.,

so maybe you will.

Great.

Who wants dessert?

Uh... I think we're gonna head out.
Hit the road.

- JACK: Yeah?
- No dessert for us,

but dinner was great.

- Thank you.
- JACK: Great seeing you, bud.

- It was a really lovely dinner.
- Thanks for coming.

- JUDY: No. Thanks again.
- Yeah.

- Nice to see you again.
- Good seeing you.

- JUDY: Take care. Good-night.
- JACK: Bye, guys.

VALERIE: Thank you for coming.

[Jack sighs]

I don't know... I don't know
what my f*cking problem is.

Hey, listen,
you just euthanized your dad...

And then found out
that he wasn't your dad,

your brother's crazy,
your daughter's... ,

you can't cook... sorry. [laughs]

And, yeah, your boyfriend's a sex addict

which apparently
isn't a... a real thing.

So I think under the circumstances
you're doing all right.

["Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac]

- You don't like my chicken?
- [laughs] No.

[both laughing]

LAURA: ♪ I took my love,
I took it down ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Climbed a mountain
and I turned around ♪

♪ And I saw my reflection ♪

♪ In the snow covered hills ♪

♪ Till the landslide brought it down ♪

[both panting]

♪ Well, I've been afraid of changin' ♪

♪ 'Cause I built my life around you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, time makes you bolder ♪

♪ Even children get older ♪

♪ And I'm getting older, too ♪

♪ Oh, mirror in the sky ♪

♪ What is love? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Can the child within my heart
rise above? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Can I sail through
the changin' ocean tides? ♪

♪ Can I handle the seasons ♪

♪ Of my life? ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Mm mm ♪

♪ ♪