03x13 - The Hermit and the Moon

[bunniefuu]

ALEX: Previously on "Casual"...

Hi, this is Valerie.
I'm not here right now.

Please leave a message.

You're sad. Why are you sad?

My friend moved away.

I don't know if you're lonely.

I assume you must be.

But telling her about some secret father

isn't gonna bring her back to you.

I have no idea what I need.

That's not me.

What happened to your table?

Laura?

BOTH: f*ck!

I really like spending time with you.

But it's a lot of time.

I need to make sure that
I have space for Clark.

- You know what I'm saying.
- Right. I get that.

Okay, good.

I'm glad we had this talk.

[footsteps thudding]

[glasses clinking]

[heavy thud]

Enough!

Did you hit it with a golf club?

It was pushed from a counter.

I may have also tried to repair it.

With a golf club?

Can you fix it?

It'd cost less to replace.

Yeah, but I've had it
for a really long time.

All the more reason.

Get a new one.

Treat yourself.

You know where you'll be in years?

Nobody knows that.
We can guess, but I...

Living on a garbage patch

in the middle of the Pacific.

Everything is disposable now.

It's just "buy, buy, buy."

And as soon as something goes wrong,

just throw it away and buy some more.

We're gonna die on a pile of trash

while we're arguing about the tax code.

Bed Bath & Beyond has some good options.

[line trilling]

Hey, you've reached Laura.
Leave a message.

[line trilling]

[knock at door]

[sighs]

Maybe she's at a friend's house.

What friend?

Uh... Or a music festival.

Is it Coachella?

She sold my table.

Well, it is an expensive wristband.

- True.
- I'm sorry.

What the f*ck do we do now?

I don't know.

Oh, dude.

Yes! Feed me!

Oh, I love French toast.

That's marinated bread.

It's not even French.

I thought you had breakfast with Judy.

We had a few bites, but
she had to go pick up her kid.

Said something about
needing to make space.

Oh, no.

Sorry.

About what?

She dumped you.

No.

Did she use the actual words,
"I want to make space"?

Yeah, but that doesn't mean...

She could have been referring to her job

or Clark or Clark's
dad or something else entirely.

It's like you can't even hear
the words that you're saying.

[laughs]

She didn't break up with me.

What do you mean when you say
that you want space?

Multi-year communication black-out

and then a few memory lane hookups

after we scrubbed
our emotional connection.

I'm gonna text her.

No, no, no. Dude, don't, don't, don't.

Even if she didn't break up with you,
a pathetic text is not gonna help.

- [phone chimes]
- Too late.

What is that emoji?

The guy with a fur hat?

I don't know. I think it's one of the
guards outside of Buckingham Palace.

Right.

Why did you use it?

What do you mean?
'Cause it's nonthreatening.

It makes me smile. I don't know.

You're so f*cked.

Sorry.

I guess years is the limit.

What limit?

How long a person
can stand to live with me.

years is a long time.

Did you think we would make it years?

would have been better.

Laura would have been out of the house.

Our friends would have really
respected us for waiting.

is still pretty good.

Are you all right?

Not really.

- Do you want to call her again?
- No, she's not gonna pick up.

What kid runs away
and doesn't leave a note?

I thought all they wanted
was to be seen and heard.

Maybe it's her Facebook status.

You did check her social media.

[groans]

What the f*ck?

How did she even take that picture?

We have to get her.

Okay? We have to.

Because she's gonna go to a key party

or a f*cking ashram.

- Val.
- What?

She did not run away.

She took a day trip to Burbank.

Also she's , and we need to
get used to this,

because in a few months,

she will take whatever trip she wants.

Wait. Wait. You just want to let her go?

She's at her grandmother's house.

She's not at a hostel in Sierra Leone.

She'll come back when she's ready.

Okay, sure. Take the easy way out.

Uh-huh, and what are you
gonna do, ground her?

No, I'm gonna reason with her.

Okay, and then when that
doesn't work out,

what are you gonna do? You're gonna...

throw her in the back of your trunk?

- Yeah.
- You gonna chain her to a desk?

Yeah, if I have to.

Okay, well,

let me know how that works out.

It's not good.

Like, really not good.

I don't think he's ever been dumped.

How is that possible?

Well, maybe he sabotaged
all his relationships

before they got to the point
of emotional investment

as a safeguard against rejection.

Oh, that totally feels right.

[gasps, groans]

- You okay?
- Yeah, his French toast is poison.

[groans]

Oh, hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey.

[retches]

[groans]

Oh, sorry.

God.

[gasping]

[car beeps]

[knocks]

Oh, no.

I'm not mad.

I didn't say you were mad.

Okay, it's important you know that,

because the mad ex
is the butt of all the jokes

that aren't really jokes but commentary
on masculinity and v*olence.

I liked it better when
you showed up with ice cream.

Why did you end our relationship?

Our relationship?

Whatever it is you call it
when two people eat

and sleep together
with some level of frequency.

We had sex, like, six times.

You've been counting?

Well, I was barely on the second hand.

It's just as many times
as we didn't have sex.

Am I a joke to you?

You're my IT guy.

- Oh, come on.
- What?

You're hot, and unserious.

You were my rebound.

Brad Pitt in "Burn After Reading."

That guy's a moron.

No, he is adorable.

- With the dildo swing?
- That was Clooney.

Brad Pitt was the one
who d*ed in his closet

with the tags cut out of his suit.

See? Moron.

- No.
- Never liked that guy.

Ever since "Meet Joe Black."

f*ck.

How did I get this so wrong?

It's pretty normal.

You saw what you wanted to see.

Did you think we were gonna get married?

And you'd get fat and coach
Clark's baseball team?

Maybe basketball.

He's got kind of
a young Steve Kerr thing.

It's been a month.
Your Brita filter's older than this.

Why don't you take
a couple days off work?

No.

- Actually...
- No.

While I'm here... yeah.

- You're not quitting.
- I need to.

- No.
- I hate IT.

I hate it so much.

I have to interview more nerds?

[knocks]

Darling.

- What a pleasant surprise.
- I know she's in here.

Well, she certainly is.
She's had quite the journey.

What journey?

You know what?
I just want to talk to her.

- Are you going to act like an adult?
- Oh, my God.

She's in a very peaceful
place right now,

deep in a meditative state.

I'd rather not disturb her.

It's fine, Grandma.

Oh, she's returned to the waking world.

[knocks at door]

- No.
- Yes.

- No.
- Please?

There are hundreds of therapists
in the city, thousands.

But I like you.

What do people do when
they get broken up with?

Listen to sad songs,
drink, have breakup sex.

Aren't you the expert on this?

I'm usually the enabler.

Everyone reacts differently.

I want to rent a Winnebago
and just start driving.

Take some epic road trip.

So do it.

Is that healthy?

Could be.

Aren't you supposed to tell me
I'm spinning out?

Do you think you're spinning out?

I don't know. Maybe.

It's hard to be self-reflective
at a time like this.

How long have you been in this town?

All my life.

Great. Go exploring.

Go hike the Pacific Crest Trail
or couch surf Austin.

You're trying to
get rid of me, aren't you?

You're just gonna come back.

What?

When you and I first met,

I thought we might
end up in bed together.

- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.

I mean, I know that's common
between therapists and clients,

but I felt something.

Am I crazy?

When I first met you,

I thought you were
a tremendous narcissist

who lucked into a life
of unspeakable privilege.

How do you feel now?

Pretty much the same.

If I go to Austin,
will you come visit me?

We could see some live music.

No.

You know grandma and I
have the same birth cards.

The Hermit and the Moon.

Nope. Didn't know that.

She's Justice and the Priestess.

- Oh, that figures.
- Mm-hmm.

Laura, why didn't you tell me

that you were staying here last night?

Well, I actually stayed
in a Toyota Corolla last night.

Why?

But we should probably talk about

my sleeping situation moving forward.

What sleeping situation?

Well, Laura has decided
to stay here with me.

No. Absolutely not.

Well, just to start, and then eventually

I'll move out and try to see the world.

She should travel before our
reputation is destroyed completely.

And if it's not already too late.

The Germans recovered. So can we.

Laura, you're mad.

- I get that.
- No, I'm not mad.

I finally found someone who
cares about me.

Who, Dawn?

She doesn't care about anyone.

I'm sorry for her behavior.

You seem much improved.

It's the call of the wild, Leon.

All great men hear it:

Boone, Crockett, Jeremiah Johnson.

Have you ever used this tent?

Well, I bought it for Burning Man,

but now that it's overrun by tech bros,

I just can't. One cliché at a time.

Right.

Hey, why don't you come with me?

Tent fits two. You work freelance.

Hmm?

Could be your last chance
before the wedding.

Yeah, think about it.

Hiking all day, swimming,
whiskey by the fire.

Just us and nature. You could read.

Compose.

Two against the world.

Sounds lovely.

Doesn't it?

Just waking up, going whichever
way the day takes you.

Oh, hello, sunshine.

Hey.

I'm pregnant.

[chuckles]

Congratulations.

[wind chimes tinkling]

Okay, Laura, it's time to go home.

Home where? Your house?

Our house.

Well, I prefer this house with Grandma.

- Nice house, isn't it?
- Oh, it's so lovely. This garden?

- Chrysanthemums.
- Is that what they are?

Laura, stop.

What's different about your house?

Make an argument.

I'm your mother.
I don't have to make an argument.

You should just trust me.

She's your mother; you don't trust her.

- Well, that's different.
- Why?

It just is.

What are you gonna do,

you're just gonna hole up here
and meditate?

Don't you want to be with
people your own age?

People my age don't like me.

If you go back to school,
you'd find some that do.

Or I could just drive them off
like I do with everyone else.

You don't drive people off.

Neil, Michael, Aubrey, Spencer, Casey:

as you so eloquently put it,
I have a bit of a pattern.

Why didn't you talk to me about that?

If I'd have shouted it into a megaphone,

you'd have thought I was a cheerleader.

That's not fair.

You were busy with your own crisis.

- You could've asked.
- I shouldn't have to ask.

I'm gonna take a nap.

It's been a long week.

[wind chimes tinkling]

I knew it wasn't the French toast.

Okay.

Are there any other people
you've been having sex with,

like maybe from your wizarding circle?

No.

What about New Yorkers? Any of them?

They're in New York.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. They're in New York.

I'm just saying really think about it,

because if there's
someone you're not thinking of

and you and that person had sex,

I think they might want to know

so they could be there
for you and their child.

And god damn it, it's mine, isn't it?

- Uh-uh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm, okay.

It's yours.

Mm, sit down.

[sighs]

I always feel so comfortable
in these chairs.

Back stands, just...

Come sit.

Why didn't you tell me about
my biological dad?

Charles asked me not to.

He thought it would make you
feel estranged from the family.

Would have been a gift.

Do you remember my parents?

[sighs]

No.

They wanted me to marry,
have a family, go to church.

They thought I'd ruin you.

Do you think you ruined me?

[laughs] I don't know.

I only ever wanted you to do
things that made you happy.

Nothing makes me happy.

I mean,

I have moments
where I'm not unhappy, but...

those are just

- more and more rare.
- Mm.

You're mother to a teenager.
That's what happens.

I used to dream.

I had so many dreams,

all these things I just wanted to do.

You should do them now.

I don't dream anymore.

I hardly even sleep.

Just...

You try so hard and you just
make the same mistakes

over and over and over again.

I thought you were a horrible parent.

Distant and indulgent,

If that's even possible.

I thought, "I'm gonna be better
with Laura,"

but I'm not.

Just... all the things that I
hated in you, I'm doing myself.

I don't even realize that I'm doing it.

Can't escape it.

At least you know it now.

It took me so much longer to understand.

What am I gonna do with her?

She'll be here in Burbank, not Kolkata.

Just say "Calcutta," Mom.

Mm-mm. No.

You have to respect the names of
places as they are at present.

Kolkata.

I know, but just say "Calcutta."

Because nobody knows
what you're talking about.

[laughs]

Anyway...

I'd sooner visit her there.

I hate Burbank.

You loved it when you were little.

- No, I didn't.
- You did.

No, I didn't.

When Alex was born, you'd push
him around in the stroller

all around the neighborhood
to show him the sights.

God, that sounds so dangerous.

We could have been k*lled, Mom.

Oh, no.

It was a different world.

What do you want to do?

Go back in time
and not have sex with you.

[sighs]

- I'll add you to the list.
- [sighs] Oh, God.

Why couldn't this have happened
when I was ?

Then it's like, "Oh, I'm in my s."

You know, "I'm not ready."

Or .

'Cause then it's like
"I'm on the back side of .

I gotta do it."

is abortion purgatory.

Do you want to have an abortion?

No. Of course not.

Nobody wants to have an abortion.

That's physical and psychological agony.

Okay.

[sighs] What do you want to do?

It's not up to me.

Bullshit. This is half yours.

Why do I have to live with that guilt?

Oh, "guilt." Guilt implies abortion.

- You're leaning abortion.
- No, no, no, no, no.

What about the guilt
of raising f*cked up kids?

I mean, that's guilt
that lasts a lifetime.

Then you gotta stare at it
when you're

and on your back in a nursing home.

None of these outcomes
sound very positive.

[sighs]

We don't even like each other.

I kind of like you.

I find you amusing.

You want to raise a kid with
someone that you find amusing?

Yeah. Amusing is good.

Ideally, I would also love the person.

I don't love you either.

[laughter]

I know that.

But it doesn't feel great
to hear it out loud.

Can you at least tell me
which way you're leaning?

No.

No, 'cause then
you're gonna agree with me,

and that's what we'll end up doing.

Can I tell you which way I'm leaning?

Mm-mm.

Path of least resistance
is really appealing right now.

Maybe we should try to relax,
take a hot tub or something.

I'm not supposed to do that.

Hmm.

I guess I've never seen
a pregnant woman in a hot tub.

I mean, even if you had,
you probably looked away

'cause you're not supposed to
stare at pregnant women.

Oh, right.

What?

Nothing.

I just keep thinking about

a Crock-Pot and a slow boil

and what happens when
it's submerged in hot water.

[both laughing]

Stop.

That's so bad.

[both continue laughing]

- No. No.
- Stop.

- Stop. You stop.
- I didn't...

I'm not doing anything.

[laughter]

[piano notes plunking]

♪ ♪

That's a nice little ditty.

[laughs]

How are they doing?

They seem all right.

I'm glad that's not us.

Me too.

But if it was us...

We'd be okay.

Okay.

Can we go on a camping trip together?

Of course.

Yay. I love camping.

Alex may have to come.

Let's go home.

Why'd you have a kid if
you didn't want to be a parent?

[sighs]

I, uh, thought I could have a family

that was different than mine.

Or, uh...

I wanted to put something
good into the world.

You must be so disappointed.

Not with you.

Laura, I'm trying.

I'm sorry.

You sure you want to stay here?

[door closes]

[sighs]

[music plays softly]

[doorbell rings]

♪ ♪

Oh, hi.

Why did we do this?

I mean,

there's no law that says
we can't live together.

It's not like...

dangerous or immoral or...

...disgusting.
I mean, you're my best friend.

You always have been.

Why do I try so hard to deny that?

Thank you.

Okay.

- Hi, Rae.
- Hey, Val.

You want to stay for dinner?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[Bob Dylan's "It's All Over Now,
Baby Blue" playing]

♪ ♪

BOB: ♪ You must leave now ♪

♪ Take what you need ♪

♪ You think will last ♪

♪ But whatever you wish to keep ♪

♪ You better grab it fast ♪

♪ Yonder stands your orphan ♪

♪ With his g*n ♪

♪ Crying like a fire ♪

♪ In the sun ♪

♪ Look out, the saints are ♪

♪ Comin' through ♪

♪ And it's all over now ♪

♪ Baby blue ♪

♪ The highway is for gamblers ♪

♪ Better use your sense ♪

♪ Take what you have gathered ♪
♪