03x03 - I-N-- INTO THE W-O-- WOODS

[bunniefuu]

- Come on, guys!
- I'm coming! I'm coming!

- This is scary.
- Don't be such a baby.

[HOWLING IN DISTANCE]

[OWL HOOTS]

I heard it's abandoned.

I heard it's haunted.

I heard it was haunted,

but all the ghosts got m*rder*d.

Only one way to find out.

[WIND HOWLING]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[DOOR CREAKS]

- [WHISPERING] Quiet.
- Shh.

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

♪

Yeah, tripped a circuit again.

[ALL SCREAMING]

For the last time, the
house is not abandoned!

It's just in a state of disrepair.

- Tell your friends!
- Hurry up! They're gonna k*ll us!

Perhaps some home repairs
are in order, Jimmy.

- [DOORKNOB RATTLING]
- [CHILDREN SCREAMING]

Yeah. You got to jiggle it.

[SCREAMING, INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

I... I'll do it.

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPING]

- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Line?

[ALL GROAN]

"You don't have one."

You don't have one!

- [ALL GROAN]
- Cut!

Guys, I know it's late, but focus.

Paul, it's only scary if you're there

the instant she turns around.

JJ's cold.

"Do we have a J-A... Jacket?"

- I do!
- [ALL GASP]

See? That's how a m*rder*r
sneaks up on someone, Paul.

"What are you doing here?"

Didn't know where you were.

I've been having to piece it together

from Aaron's post about the sh**t.

You saw that post? Why...
Why didn't you like it?

Because I don't like it.

I would like anything you posted.

Thank you, Paul.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

"We discussed this. I'm .

I can do what I want."

And you are.

You've been up all night.

Great. But I need to know where you are

because what if something happens?

"I want something to
happen so I can fix it.

If you can't handle that,

you need to figure it out."

[MURMURING]

Fine.

You're a boring follow, Aaron.

"Moms, right?"

No, no, my mom is nothing like that.

Mine either.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

"Celery?"

No... injustice!

The student council bought a
ton of king-sized candy bars

for the Halloween dance,

but the fat cats at the administration

confiscated it and replaced
it with this crunchy water

that's only good for losers and turtles.

Ooh, celery? Hells yeah.

- [CRUNCHES]
- [SIGHS]

No teacher should have that much power,

so I'm taking back our candy tonight.

What do you say?

"I'm skipping the dance."

What...

No, JJ, come back. I-I need you.

Planning a heist? I could help.

[LAUGHS] You on a heist?

You'd cr*ck under the pressure
like a Ray under pressure.

Is this what it's gonna be
like once JJ goes to college?

I mean, I know you and
JJ are the cool ones,

but I thought once he
left, I'd be your next call.

Oh, Ray.

I don't even have your number.

♪

"Thanks for meeting with me, Lee.

There aren't a lot of people

I can talk to about this stuff."

Hey, if you can't trust a guy

who tased your mom in a parking lot

two years ago, who can you?

Wait. This is the guy who tased Maya?

It is an honor.

So... your mom thinks that
just because you have CP

she doesn't have to treat
you like the man you are?

Yeah, my mom used to get nervous

because I have bad hand-eye coordination

and I'm forgetful.

Sir, you forgot your shoe.

Thanks!

Can I, uh, buy you a milkshake?

I get free milkshakes.

Wow!

Can I have one?

Sure.

♪

This guy's got it all figured out.

Okay, JJ, if she won't
give you distance, take it.

I'm going to a crazy
Halloween party tonight.

Lots of ladies. You should come.

"Just us?"

It's gonna be great. Can't miss.

Kobe!

♪

"I'm going to a crazy Halloween party

with the guy who tased you"?

Oh, great. Have a good time.

♪

- What are you doing?
- Checking for the concussion.

Oh! You told me to
figure out my feelings

around you going out on your own.

I figured them out. Go.
Have a nice Halloween.

Make friends with a ghost. Do
a body swap. Whatever, dude.

♪

So your son is going to a random party

with a guy you barely know on Halloween,

- and you're not worried?
- Why would I worry?

Look. I put a tracker
in his seat cushion.

[BEEPING]

Mm... isn't this an invasion of privacy?

- No. It's an insertion of momacy.
- Gross.

He wants his independence,
which is great,

but I still need to know
where he is at all times.

- He's an adult.
- Jimmy, I've been following him around

with a net his entire life.

Just 'cause he's ,
it doesn't change that.

But when does this end?
You can't track him forever.

Morally or logistically?

- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]
- Oh, quick. He's coming.

Act like you're not watching
him on a tracking app.

♪

How's it going?

I need to get the
school's air-duct plans,

but the secretaries all
know I'm up to no good.

I have a past.

Mm.

No, Ray, you...

Okay, ladies, where is it?

The time machine you're
using to stay so young?

[LAUGHTER]

♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

♪

They just gave it to you?

Maybe you could be useful.

Secretaries love me.

The only thing I don't
arouse in them is suspicion.

You're in.

But I did not like that.

JIMMY: Hey. Check it out.

Maya wanted me to fix up the house.

Come look what I did.

It's a bit extreme.

She will be missed.

No, I'm making a haunted house.

Maya wants this place fixed up

because she thinks
it's an embarrassment.

What, like I'm gonna make this place

like every other cookie-cutter
house on the block

with a white picket fence

and windows all made out of glass?

This dump is terrific.

And I'm gonna prove it
by making it worse...

Cobwebs, some fake blood.

We're gonna be the toast
of the neighborhood.

Hmm. I do like the idea
of a good haunted house.

Jimmy DiMeo, I like the cut of your jib.

Really? Everybody
hates the cut of my jib.

- You wanna help?
- Does a skeleton have bones?

- I dunno.
- Neither do I.

- Whatever! You're hired! Yeah!
- [BOTH LAUGH]

[MID-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

You never asked me about my costume.

Get it? 'Cause we're
up to devilish deeds?

I % regret this.

Okay, well, have fun, you two!

- [BEEPING]
- JJ's here.

♪

Ah.

- Hey, Mrs. DiMeo.
- Looking good, Maya.

No time for misplaced hormones, Paul.

What are you doing in JJ's chair?

He let me borrow it for my JJ costume.

He needed a lighter one
for some rave he's at

in the woods.

I can't believe he's there

and we're at a high-school dance.

I'm, uh, , you know.

My son is crowd-surfing
at a wooded rave

and I can't even track him?

This is a Halloween nightmare!

Oh. Thank you! Celery?

[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

So, first time at a rave in the woods.

Nervous?

Don't be. I'm by your side

to walk you through the whole thing.

CYNTHIA: Lee, come meet my girlfriends!

You got this, JJ! Good luck!

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[CELLPHONE RINGING]

♪

- He's dodging my call.
- [BEEP]

Speaking of calls,

I don't believe I got your number.

Paul, you're only in the van

'cause you know where the rave is.

The little lies we tell ourselves.

- [BRAKES SQUEAL]
- Right. We're here.

Okay. In and out. I'm just
gonna make sure he's okay,

then we'll leave, and
he'll never even know

- that we were there.
- No?

Something tells me when
you walk into a tent,

all eyes are on you.

♪

That is true, Paul.

What size Iron Man are you?

♪

JIMMY: Step right up, kids,

into the world-famous
DiMeo haunted house.

[LAUGHS EVILLY]

- [EVIL LAUGHTER]
- It's okay. It's all pretend.

I'm here with you. Not to worry.

He can't help you now!

- [LAUGHS EVILLY]
- [CHILDREN SCREAMING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[LAUGHING]

Right. Couple questions...

No. I've got the question.

Kenneth Ezekiel Clements
doesn't do fun haunted houses.

He does poop-your-pants-scary ones.

That's right. I chose this moment

to reveal my middle name for emphasis.

And what are you giving me? Hmm?

Not scary.

Not scary.

Definitely not scary!

A sand-witch! [LAUGHS EVILLY]

Oh, for some reason it
stopped doing setup lines.

"What do you call a witch in the desert?

A sand-witch!"

[LAUGHS EVILLY]

Jimmy, do you want to scare
the hell out of your neighbors?

No. Why do you want that?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

For him.

Jenkins.

The sweet old man who
lives across the street

and gives away birdhouses?

He's always yelling at me.

[AS JENKINS] "Oh! Move your car!

You can't park there!

I'm old, and I suck!"

We're doing this so I don't
have to fix up my house,

not to scare one... I gotta say,

pretty nice-seeming... Old man.

We? [CHUCKLES] No.

This is my haunted house now, Jimmy.

Welcome to hell.

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

MAYA: Excuse me. Have you seen
an adorable boy in a wheelchair?

Boy in a wheelchair? Anyone?

What? No one wants to help Iron Man?

Oh!

Don't drink and drive.

What's this? Who are you?

You supported that girl expertly.

Nice, guarded, intense energy.

Sensible, ugly shoes.

Clearly not here to have fun.

BOTH: Are you a special-needs mom?

I'm Maya.

I'm Helen. I'm here
looking for my son, Lee.

So far I've found his shoes and his Taser.

- I know that Taser.
- Oh.

- Your son brought my son to this rave.
- Ah.

So you followed your
adult son here, too?

Of course. I've been chasing him

with a net his whole life.

Do you think I'm gonna
stop just because he's ?

Exactly! We are doing nothing wrong...

Oh, masks on! Aah!

- Whoo-hoo!
- Party!

- Close one.
- Here comes my knucklehead.

Oh, no! Surf me toward my chair!

- Well, we saw them.
- Yeah.

It's not like we actually
have to talk to them.

I'll take yours if you take mine?

That is the weirdest phrase
to ever make me this happy.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, the candy is
in Mr. Powers' office,

and this vent will get me there.

You keep watch... If
anyone comes, stall them.

Tease 'em and please 'em. Can do.

♪

What are you doing here?

Hey, Coach.

Just, uh, looking for
the time machine...

you use to look so young.

I just use sunscreen every day.

Thanks for noticing. Take care.

[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGSONG VOICE] Hello!

A lady Iron Man? Are you hot?

- Very.
- Nice!

Are you alone?

Nah, I brought a buddy.

He's the guy over there
dancing with... Whoa!

Another Iron Man?

Wow, this party is great!

So, your friend over
there... does he seem cold?

Does his wheelchair battery seem low?

Wow. You are a great conversationalist.

He's a good kid.

His mom did him a
solid and let him come.

He's all proud. It's big stuff for him.

He said that? What a sweet boy.

Oh, I see what's going on here...

I'll introduce you.

Ooh, no, I was just on my
way out actually, just...

Hey, JJ, let's trade Iron Man ladies!

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

[CHILDREN SCREAMING]

Oh, we're ready.

Well, Kenneth, look who's here.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Jenkins.

Kenneth. I am so excited

to see what you boys have made here.

Nothing to upset my pacemaker, I hope.

Pacemaker, huh?

Jimmy said that you wanted
to invite me personally.

Is this my thank you for saving you

from all those tickets?

Tickets?

You always try and park your car

on the street during
street-cleaning days.

I've probably saved you a dozen tickets.

Also, I-I-I brought you these daisies.

Haven't got many people
to bring flowers to

since my wife passed.

Um...

Oh, anyway, uh, is the
haunted house this way?

Oh, no. Just a minute, Mr. Jenkins.

- [WHISPERING] Jimmy.
- Yeah.

Less scary. Can't k*ll Jenkins.

Nicest man in the world.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES, WARBLES]

Jimmy?

Your power went out!

[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

Jimmy?

♪

That vent is creepy.

Not looking forward to
going back through there.

We'll just use the door.

Oh, so it's your plan now?

Look.

♪

I can't believe it.

We did it.

I won't rule you out in the future.

As a brother and friend,
you have potential.

That's what I'm always saying!

♪

Hey. What were you two
just doing in there?

Run!

Come on, Powers!

Without the hat, you're
just a guy in a great dress.

So, uh, you can't talk.

And for some reason,
these two won't talk.

More words for me, I guess!

Oh, no!

My mom followed me here!

That's definitely her bag.

Just when things were heating up

with these two silent Iron Men!

All right. New plan.

We're taking this party into the woods.

Come on, ladies!

Okay. Well, they seem okay.

You know, we should
probably get out of here

- before they catch us.
- Are you crazy?

We've got to follow them.

Masks on, let's get 'em.

Yeah, no, but you see,

it's phrases like
"Masks on, let's get 'em"

that makes me think we're
not in the right here.

I've been doing this a
lot longer than you, missy.

And the longer we wait, the
worse a mess they get into.

No, no. I don't want this.

This is an important night for my son.

If something happens,

JJ's gonna find his way out of it.

Trust me. They're okay.

Well, we are gonna have a great story

to tell our Iron Men once
we get out of this ditch.

♪

Get out of my way, Maya.

The more we chase them,

the farther away they'll run, Helen.

They can't run anywhere!
That is the point!

Which is why they need me.

Hey, get me up. I want to crowd-surf.

RAVER: Come on! Get this lady
up! She wants to crowd-surf!

Hey! Hey! Wait! Wait!
Crowd-surf me after her!

Ignore that old lady!

I know you're out there.

Come out with my candy
and no one gets suspended.

What do you say? It's just candy.

It's not just candy.

It's about abuses of power

and fairness and student representation.

Wait, are you fighting for a cause?

Wow. You're really growing up.

Duh-doy, dumb-dumb.

[MID-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, I've got this. You trust me?

I think I do.

♪

No, no, no! Not the maze!

Don't let him get away!

Into the maze!

Fly, my chaperones! Fly!

[MID-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES]

Or walk!

Okay.

You built this haunted house.

[HOWLING IN DISTANCE]

You know every scary thing in here.

[SWITCH CLICKS]

- [EVIL LAUGHTER]
- Oh! Gah!

Hell of a first thing to turn on, Jimmy!

- [SWITCH CLICKS]
- [WAILING]

[SCREAMS]

Oh! Oh! Turn on the lights!

- Turn on the lights, Jimmy!
- [SWITCH CLICKS]

- [EVIL LAUGHTER]
- [GASPS]

It moved by itself! Aah!

Send in another chaperone!

MAYA: Helen! Stop that Iron Man!

HELEN: Dude, I love this!

[GASPING]

Are those real bats?! Aah!

Helen, we've got to let them go!

[GASPS]

Every chaperone we've got!

Aah! Spooky candles!

No! Jumping is not dancing!

[GRUNTS]

- A sand-witch!
- [SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS EVILLY]

[SCREAMS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

- Kenneth.
- [GASPS]

Oh. Pretty good scares.

[WHISPERING] Helen. Where are you?

Come back.

Oh, gosh. Sorry.

Paul? What the hell?

Okay, candy thief, we
have you surrounded.

You have seconds to come out

before this goes on
your permanent record.

, ...

I give up.

Nine?! Who gives up on nine?!

Jimmy, uh, sorry I
wrecked your haunted house

after mistakenly believing an
old man was being mean to me.

Ah. It's not your fault.

Place is a deathtrap
even without ghosts.

I should have just fixed it up.

Leave it how it is. You don't care.

That's the crazy thing... I do.

Now that it's ours?

I've never owned anything
that could be nice.

I mean, I care about
stuff that matters...

My family, providing for them.

I don't care about stuff.

Jimmy. It's okay to care.

It doesn't mean you don't
get what really matters.

So, you wouldn't judge me

if my house wasn't a pile of garbage?

[SCOFFS] Nah. I'll even help.

Let's start by fixing the
lights and get to work.

Yeah.

[AS WITC ] Try the "lights witch"!

♪

That was you, right?

Breakingnd entering.

Cabinet emptying.

Not to mention the stolen candy.

You stole it. From the students.

Well, if you don't like it,

maybe you should run
for student council.

- Maybe I will.
- [THUD]

Not with this on your
permanent record, you won't.

It's not on her record. Dylan
had nothing to do with it.

I planned this whole heist myself.

So, if it's going on
anyone's permanent record...

- it's mine.
- Enough.

This hat's so itchy.

[SIGHS]

Just don't do it again.

Oh, JJ, no.

- JJ! Oh, yes, I made it!
- What?

Hi, uh, I'm Aaron.

- Cool. Where you from, Aaron?
- Uh...

How about you get me out of this ditch?!

Yeah.

[GRUNTING]

Okay.

Engage.

I'm coming for you, JJ. Okay.

Oh, he figured it out.

Thanks, man.

So, who's ready for the after-rave?

It's across a river,
deeper in the woods,

and I'm pretty sure it's real.

I'm game.

JJ, you in?

"No. You guys go. My battery is low."

You need any help getting home?

"No. I've got someone I can call."

[CELLPHONE CHIRPS]

I'm the someone!

[MID-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

You did good today, Ray,

even though you lost the candy.

Thanks for taking the hit. Partner.

Enes, you are a constant treasure.

Who's Enes?

Oh. My secretary accomplice.

We, uh...

swapped bags in the maze.

We got the candy?
That... That's amazing.

But... But wait, if
this bag has the candy,

what does Mr. Powers have?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Celery!

"Thanks for getting here so fast."

Yeah, well, I mean,
there was no traffic.

Well, you know, I mean,
it's Halloween, so...

no one goes out... today.

[SIGHS]

I'm really glad you called.

"I needed you this time.

But I don't always need you."

I know.

So, did you have a fun night?

"Yeah. We met some girls.
I think they were hot."

I am sure that they were.

♪

[BOTH LAUGH]

What's this?

We fixed the wiring in the fuse box.

No more power outages.

I am a good homeowner.

- Oh, yes, you are.
- KENNETH: You did good, Jimmy.

Who cares if you're not
the cool neighborhood

Halloween house?

I know of a way we could be

Halloween house.

[SIGHS]

King-size candy bars!

- Trick or treat!
- Run it up! Run it up!

- Yeah. Yeah, I thought so.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.
- Ooh, don't run. The yard is full of nails.