03x13 - F-A--FASHION 4 A--ALL

[bunniefuu]

Oh. My. Giraffe.

Standardized test
scores, coming through!

Out of the way!

Now, that's almost too sharp.

The test results are in.

Dylan DiMeo...

is the smartest kid in the grade.

I'm Dylan Danger,

and this is Too-Long-Cord-Bungee.

Whee!

Are we sure there hasn't
been some sort of mistake?

We ran it twice.

That bush is the smartest
kid in the district.

Dylan, you're... smart!

I know!

I had my finger over the lens.

- Can we do it again?
- Yeah.

- No!
- No!

Mikey always wanted to
be like his big brother.

He wanted his hair like Ben's,

wanted to dance like Ben.

Now?

Ben wants jeans like mine.

Okay, be honest...

If you were the 2019 Abilities Expo,

and our company were
at you, showing that,

wouldn't we be the toast of you?

That video is as good

as that question was hard to follow.

I had one thought. The slogan?

"Two special-needs moms

making a difference in
the lives of families

with children with disabilities"?

It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.

- Kenneth, real quick...
- Huh?

Look, I know you
haven't been with Melanie

for very long,

but as someone who is
married to a woman like her...

nobody wants your suggestions.

I think they should give away
keychains at the convention.

- Beautiful idea...
- Yeah.

I'm gonna strangle it in its crib.

Because we don't matter.

This convention is gonna
be our coming-out party.

Vogue. Vanity Fair.
SoCal Abilities Journal.

I mean, except for the first two,

- they're all gonna be there.
- Mm.

"You're going to a convention? When?"

Well, we'll be gone
tomorrow and then Saturday.

Rude.

"Pack your bags.

I was invited to an
overnight college visit

but skipped because
Mom would want to go.

But she has a"... C-O...
"convention this weekend."

So you want me to come?

Well, totally.

We can have some bro time,
maybe meet some ladies.

"I've got Izzy,

but you can get rejected
by some college girls."

I know! Dylan thought making

that "Rejection Bingo" game was a burn,

but I'm a college girl
and an over 6'2" girl away

from winning that Chinese finger trap.

I can't believe you're
gonna do a college tour

without your mummy.

It'll be great.

The train will drop us off right there.

JJ's set up in this
awesome accessible dorm...

But what if you get a little
something on your face?

Or if a girl wants to
see a picture of you

when you were a baby in the tub?

Load 'em up!

All right, my loves.

Off you go. Have fun at college.

Who's ready for two
moms to change the lives

of children in families
of kids with disabilities?

I'm ready for two moms to
make a difference in families

of children who live with disabilities.

They both got it wrong.

It's so bad.

What's that?

Mnh. Nothing. Kenneth?

I... I'm carrying a box!

You want to see me about brain stuff?

Dylan, my most promising student.

I ain't promised nothin' to no one

what don't promise me somethin' first.

Okay, I'm gonna get
right to the point...

I became a teacher to change lives,

so when I saw the gap

between your test
scores and your grades,

I knew I had a student who
was primed for a breakthrough.

So...

Why you no smart for school stuff?

I don't know.

Whenever I try to read
or listen to a teacher,

I just get so annoyed.

They just become this
know-it-all that won't shut up.

That's fascinating.

And it's only when they
try to teach you things?

Like, if I talked about a
big old plate of nachos...

Heck, yeah. Where those nachos at?

But if I say that they
are native to Mexico,

population 130 million...

No, make it stop! I can't handle it.

Aha! Don't run from it.

Who am I?!

No. You!

I'm Ray, aren't I?

It's time!

For so many years, we've
been focused on our kids,

and now we can use all
the lessons we've learned

to help a world of JJs and Logans.

Every battle is about to pay off.

Every indignity, every fight...

Every hernia...

It was all for this moment.

These are our people.

Uh-oh. Except for her.

I had a doozie with
that physical therapist.

Oh, well, if we're avoiding
people we've made enemies with,

we probably shouldn't go that way.

Or that way. School I egged.

Ooh. Insurance lady
I "Groundhog Day-ed."

That was involved.

Fought with her, fought with her...

Oh, she's cool...
Although I fought with her.

Mnh.

It seems that "our people"

consist pretty solidly
of folks that hate us.

P-Plan B. L-Let's focus on the big fish.

Okay, we'll wow the magazine people,

and then we'll sneak out of here

before all these people k*ll us.

You guys put your heads down.

I'll block you with this sign.

Ah. They still seem to know it's you.

Y-You do realize

that they're on the front?

Yeah, yeah. I-I know.
I think it's funny.

Dude, college is crazy.

You know the co-ed bathroom?

I just went next to a
lady who's taking a shower.

Oh. Who's your friend?

I'm Alan, and there are
no co-ed bathrooms here.

Okay! Let's get this tour started.

No need. It's like
playing the claw machine.

Hey! I got a "me"!

"I'm excited for college life.

Start making my own decisions."

Big decision tonight...

Dorm party or frat party.

"Which is gonna rage harder?"

Yeah. And which is gonna be
easier for JJ's wheelchair?

"You don't need to
worry about that. Cool?"

Yeah, yeah, we're cool. We're cool.

Now, I don't see any
reason for you to be cold...

"Ray, I left Mom home for a reason."

Oh. No looking out for you.

I get it.

You don't believe me?

Well, go explore, then.

Yeah, I'll hook up with you two later.

Go on! Shoo!

Don't follow him.

Oh.

Maybe a little "Rejection
Bingo" can k*ll some time.

Okay. Bingo. What's next?

All right. Coast is clear.

Except for her.

I'm not hiding from this one.

Jimmy! Their faces are on this.

Nina Thompson.

Maya DiMeo.

You still doing your stupid know-it-all

special-needs blog, are you?

No. My blogging days are over.

I'm with SoCal Abilities Journal.

Well...

that is very bad news for me.

What's going on, bro?

"I feel like I'm being followed."

Okay. Yes, yes!

I am here to look after you,

and I'm stalking you.

I don't see why we
can't just party together

and I can have your back.

I don't know how I'm so good at this.

I've never done it before.

But I'm not going away.

I'm sorry, J... Whoa!

Did I just make that up?!

So, what's your beef with this woman?

Well, so, you know
how I'm a trailblazer?

Nina and I actually shared the
very first Internet "flame w*r."

And it was at a time before
people really realized

that what one said online
was both public and permanent.

You know, 2004.

I was just an impressionable
new special-needs mom,

and Nina had this parenting
blog with all the answers.

I mean, if Nina said, "JJ
needs to sleep upside down,"

or, "JJ needs to interact
more with horses,"

Jimmy and I were both huge believers.

In time, I realized

she did not know what
she was talking about.

So then I posted a takedown.

She posted a takedown of my takedown,

and it didn't actually end

until the President
of the Internet himself

emailed me, demanding that I stop.

Pretty wild, eh?

Okay. We're partners...

With a contract that I
insisted we sign... wow.

Look, we did not come this far

to let a 15-year-old
grudge sink this company.

Can you apologize?

I don't know.

Follow.

See, I'm giving you your space.

I'm not like Mom.

Although, that lei is a
bit of a choking hazard.

"You here to make sure I'm safe?

I'll be unsafe until you leave."

What does that even mean?

You wouldn't.

- Come on, man!
- Come on, man!

Come on, man!

It is really taking them a while.

Excuse me.

Yes. Can I help you?

These are remarkable.

Do they use magnets?

Uh, sure do.

Same technology they use
on the... space shuttle.

There's got to be a magnet

on the space shuttle, right?

These are fantastic.

You know, it's so
refreshing to see someone

doing something that really matters.

Matters?

You hear that? We matters.

Come and get your space-shuttle pants!

Huckster. Whore. Sellout...

I said some terrible things,

but, I mean, it was all in the past.

Water under the bridge.

Bridge troll...

Look, what I said was inexcusable.

I'm sorry.

Please accept my apology.

I'd wanted that for years.

No. Never.

Wait. Are you vendors here?

Oh. You don't know what we're selling.

No, but I'd love to
give you a write-up.

Accessible hot dogs!
They don't make any sense!

Have a field day!

Oh, no.

JJ!

Listen to me.

This is the breakthrough
we have been looking for.

You think of academics as Ray's domain,

but we can make it yours, too.

How?

I am going to hypnotize you

so that you can confront
Ray in a safe setting.

Please. That's not gonna work on me.

Would you please just give it a chance?

Whoa! Ray?

Hypnosis is awesome!

That's impossible.

I haven't even done anything yet.

Fine, let's just go with it.

Confront me... Ray.

Can do.

No, talk to me and tell me

how I am an obstacle
for your personal growth.

And I would do that
to Ray by pounding him.

Ohh!

Just let me whale on you!

I am not letting someone
b*at me up for a breakthrough.

I have done that once,

and the class never
looked at me the same.

And wake up!

Ugh!

Let's just face it.

Ray is the smart one.

Are those nachos still not ready?

Yeah. Hey! Hey! You get a shirt!

And you get a T-shirt!

Those are the prototypes!

Okay, I'm gonna need those back!

Excuse me. Did I... Did
I put this on him right?

I-I... You're asking me.
Well, that feels good.

I don't know.

Wow. How amazing is this company?

I'm from the expo, and
we'd love to talk to you.

I don't see why not.

Hey, would you like a keychain?

- Oh. I would love one.
- Yes, I'd like one.

We don't have any. But, right?

Okay, "JJ Knoxville."

"Are you done being Mom?"

"I just wanted to let loose together."

I could do that and
still have your back.

Man, JJ, you have no
idea what it is like

to try and help someone who
fights you at every turn.

"You have no idea what
it is to have fun."

Right. I'm the problem.

Boring Ray!

Well, would Boring Ray chug a beer?

Mnh-mnh!

Oh, and now for too much dessert.

Whoa! Wild man!

Finally, someone who sees how cool I am.

That one sip of that beer
is not sitting well with me.

You just ate five sh*ts of vodka.

Whoo!

Okay, so, somebody write this down...

My blood type is B-negative!

Hi, everyone.

- For our Toast of the Conference Q&A...
- Boys?

Where'd they go? We
have to get out of here.

...we'd like to welcome a
few hand-picked businesses

that really stood out today.

What the...

Either they've been
invited on the panel,

or they think that's the bathroom.

Bathroom-bathroom-bathroom-
bathroom-bathroom-bathroom...

Jimmy and Kenneth,

you've made quite an
impression here today.

Uh, thank you, Nina.

The response has been
truly... Wow, what's the word?

"Omnipotous."

Nope.

Providing adaptive clothing
for folks with disabilities

has been our sole purpose in life.

I-Is it clothing you design yourselves?

Or do you adapt existing clothes?

Great question.

I'm not sure.

Super smart question.
Thank you for that.

I've got a sample right here.

How much would these jeans cost?

I want to... I want to say 12 bucks?

- What?!
- Oh, come on.

Do...

Actually, I swung by your booth earlier.

I-I seem to remember it
costing a little more than that.

Something around $70?

$70... yeah, Kenneth is
more of the numbers guy.

- That I am... one-two... three-four-five.
- See?

Wow. $70?

The name Fashion 4
all: Accessible Clothing

would suggest a more accessible price.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I-I-I-I'd like to speak to that, if I may.

Don't give her the mic.

Oh, not a problem, I'll yell.

The point is to modify designer clothing

so that people with
disabilities can wear it.

Traditionally, their options
have been super limited.

So the fact that it's
a premium clothing line

is precisely the point.

Is the... impression I got
when I went by the booth.

People are here to learn
about this wonderful company.

They want to hear from
the founders, not you.

Oh, you want to hear from the founders?

Oh, you will, but first, say some more

about how great this company is.

Yeah, and then get ready for the
biggest surprise of your life.

You're the founders, aren't you?

Bollocks. We teed it
up too much, didn't we?

Yeah.

Yes, we are the people
behind the company,

and, yes, we've had
run-ins with many of you.

But you all seem to like our product.

So can we answer any questions?

To be clear... Questions
about the company,

not questions about things
we did to make you hate us.

Ah.

No, I don't think we're gonna
get the panelist swag bag.

Yo.

Hey, tell that JJ kid his
brother had a few too many.

Everyone!

Who wants to see a Mathemagician?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where you guys going?

Well, we're done.

That's our audience, and they hate us.

So you're just gonna quit?

No. I-I'm not gonna let this happen.

I don't know a lot of ways to matter,

but I know how to pick
you up when you're down.

Me too?

Well, it's really kind
of a Maya-specific deal,

no, but, okay.

Uh...

You are Maya freaking DiMeo...

And you are Melanie.

You are the strongest,
sexiest woman I have ever met.

That is a nice haircut.

You are a fighter.

I am a fighter.

That's how you got
here in the first place.

Now go up there and fight.

And win.

Now, normally, at
this point in the talk,

there would be some sort
of energizing butt slap,

given the whole...

You meant you slapping
their butts, didn't you?

You've got to ask for what you
want in this world, all right?

Ahh.

Let's face it.

There's just room for one
smart kid in my family.

Call your brother.

Your real brother.

Not the one you've
built up in your head.

Tell him what you told me.

Dylaaaaaaaaan!

Wait, a-are you drunk?

Could a drunk do a backflip like this?

Ohh!

- Dude!
- Ohh.

Yeah, I'm drunk. What's up?

Apparently, I could be smart,

but I'm not because that's your thing.

Of course you're smart.

You are the smartest person I know.

The schemes and pranks you come up with?

We are basically your puppets.

Hey! I'm gonna do puppets next!

Wow, Ray. Thanks.

And, Dylan?

If I can get really...

really real with you right...

You know, I think my problem's solved.

Because Ray believes in you

and the only obstacle is the
one you put up for yourself?

No, because he was being drunk and dumb.

If Ray can be dumb
every once in a while,

then maybe I can be smart.

Great. Now let's talk strategies
for getting those grades up.

Grades? I'm smart.

I eschew that sort of
external validation.

Cool! Now I can blow
people off with Ray words.

JJ! I missed you, man.

"Time to go, Ray. Put down the hose."

No. No. This is my [BLEEP]
hose! I brought the hose.

Give it back.

Go get the... Go get the hose.

And turn on the siren.

Whoop, whoop!

You suck at driving this thing.

Geez.

There's nothing worse than
a guy who needs your help

but won't take it.

Where are we?

And now, welcome to
the stage a man who...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit down, shorty.

Right. We're back. We've
got a few things to say.

First things first... Thanks, Jimmy,

for forgetting to give
back your microphone.

You're welcome.

Kenneth forgot his, too.

Now, have we wronged you?

Yes.

Are we sorry?

Case by case.

But the fight we put into
making life better for our boys

we also put into these clothes.

Look, you guys know what this life is.

I mean, we'll do anything for our kids.

And these clothes will
make your kids happy.

I mean, I promise you,

they will love these pants
even more than y'all hate us.

Show of hands. Who
wants to hear a bit more?

Okay, great.

Then let us start fresh
and reintroduce ourselves.

I'm Melanie.

And I'm Maya.

And we're two special-needs mums...

...who want to make a difference

in the lives of families with
children with disabilities.

I finally get it.

It's beautiful.

Hey! I'm in Cirque du So-Ray.

You wanted to let loose.

We did it.

We both got wasted, right?

Hey, I'm trying to sleep.

"Not 'til you read this...

We're brothers.

We should look out for each other.

It's not easy for me
to accept your help.

But I love you for it, Ray.

I really do."

That's nice.

But can you tell me when I'm not drunk

so I can remember it?

Ah, damn, I think I already forgot it.

Oh, and, JJ...

...can I be really,

really real with you right now?

I l...

It came out.

I love...

Are you sure about this?

I'm smart now.

At max velocity,

your momentum will be arrested by impact

with these Amorpha fruticosa.

Say your phrase and jump off the roof.

Uh... Hi.

I'm Ray DiMeo,

and this is Tiny Parachute Jump.

You jumped into a bush

because I learned two Latin words?

Being smart rules!

Say "hi," Ray.

Smart Dylan is gonna
be a problem, isn't it?

Yeah.