07x06 - Deus Ex Latrina

[bunniefuu]

Sales for the first
generation of Ava clones

have been through the roof as predicted.

My dream of an Ava
in every home and business

has become a reality.

Wonderful. Congratulations, sir.

[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Uh, sir...

♪ ♪

I was going to wait until
after the investment meeting

to mention this.

But I think it's time you told me

about this mystery project
you've been working on.

It's just that you've
diverted billions into it,

and I really feel like it's time

I knew what the project was all about.

Where do you think I'm taking you?

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Ta-da!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[LIGHTS CLICKING]

It's called a Waverider.

Waverider?

Oh, because it's shaped like a boat,

like it rides on the waves.

No, though it can go underwater.

But never mind that,
Waverider is what it's called

in the futuristic blueprints
I was given.

It's a time ship.

Hmm.

Waverider.

Are you married to that name,
or can we still pitch on it?

Welcome to the bridge,

the nerve center of the entire ship.

Hmm, not the most efficient
use of space, though.

Maybe it could double
as a conference room.

And now it's time for you
to see an old friend.

Gideon, time to wake up.

[POWER WHIRS]

There you are.

My transfer to the ship's mainframe

- appears to be a success.
- You remember Gideon?

Oh, yes. Her.

Welcome to your new home, Gideon.

So much more space to roam

than that tiny hard drive you were in.

Oh, take a couple laps around,
stretch your legs.

You have vantage points
all over the ship.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪ ♪

You followed my exact specifications,

but I don't have any
visual access in section A .

Well, section A is
the only bathroom on the ship.

Can't have you spying on me in there.

- A man needs his privacy.
- [CHUCKLES] Yes.

Sir, as impressive as this ship is,

how does it relate
to the Ava Corp mission

of improving people's lives

through clone technology exactly?

Well, I'm simply expanding our mission

by adding time travel to the mix.

But the true perk of this ship
is to finally get revenge

on those time travelers who abducted me,

used me for my genius, and
then messed with my mind.

May I remind you that a
Time Master's number one duty

is to protect the timeline from any

and all threats to its integrity?

Yes, yes, Gideon, that's a given,

considering the job title...
Time Master.

And before we start,

you must take the Time Master's oath.

I swear to protect and defend
the integrity of the timeline

with all my ability
until the end of my days.

Congratulations. You are now
Time Master of this Waverider.

Great.

Let's set sail on our maiden voyage

and protect the timeline
from those damn Legends.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[EXCITING MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SHOUTING]

The machine is ruined,
wrecked, absolutely kaput,

and all because of you lot!

Okay, hold on, how is it our fault

we didn't land in Tahiti?

Because it wasn't designed
to take all you people.

The excess weight threw it all off, man.

Okay, so I'm guessing we have
no idea what year we're in?

The chrono-gauge and the ignition coil

are both sequenced
to the directional compass,

which was damaged in the landing.

So no, I don't think so.

Well, that doesn't sound too good,

but hey, who needs a chrono-Gauge

when you have two ex-Time Bureau agents

with extensive
historical knowledge, Gary?

That's right, Ava.

And, uh, based on the local flora,

there's a chance
we're in the prehistoric era.

Give or take a few thousand years.

Maybe we'll see dinosaurs.

You'd better hope
we don't see a dinosaur, Gary.

Okay, so it looks like we're

making this prehistoric forest
home for a while.

- So let's get comfortable, g*ng.
- [PEOPLE GROAN]

Guys, come on.

This team has been stranded
more times than I can count

and in way worse places than this.

She's right.

And I know nothing has gone our way

since we left Odessa, but...

- They're gonna get better.
- Yeah.

Okay? All right.

So you are the only one
that can fix this time machine.

If you can repair
that directional compass,

are we back in business?

It would be a difficult task

even if we did have the proper tools.

- I can help.
- Me too.

You got two techies
at your disposal, my man.

Just some peace to be able

to get on with my work is all I ask.

You know, I will venture off
and maybe find some lodestone

or some other magnetic material
which conducts electricity

and then I can fix the compass.

Hey, maybe you and B
should go with Dr. Cranky.

We'll set up camp here.

Mm-hmm. All over it.

Hey, look, I know we didn't
really get a chance

to talk about the whole moving in thing.

No, it's totally cool.

As usual, we have bigger fish to fry.

I know, but, you know,
moving into a spiritual realm,

that's... that's a lot to... to take in.

I just wanna make sure
you're not freaking out.

Freaking... me? No, I'm super chill.

I am, however, concerned
about our captains.

Oh, yeah. Well, good
luck with that. Bye.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Miss you.
- Bye.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Psst. Hey, you two.

Come here, shut up.

Do either one of you know
how to read lips?

Who needs to read lips
when Spooner can read minds?

Mm.

♪ ♪

Ooh.

I'm getting some major anxiety vibes

- from Sara right now.
- Yeah.

And I don't need superpowers
to see that Ava is cracking.

They're just stressing
each other out at this point.

Okay, so let's separate them
so they each

don't have a complete
and total meltdown, okay?

Hey there, jefa.

How about we hunt down some dinner?

Yeah, let's go s*ab something.

Want to go for a hike?
We could get some firewood.

Yeah. I would love a multitask.

Great.

♪ ♪

- So...
- Oh, Gary.

You and Zari. Saw you talking.

And?

She asked me to move in
with her in the totem.

Oh, that's great!

That's not... not great?

Sorry, the more handsome
the face, the harder it is

for me to get a read.

All right, just back up.

It's just,

I haven't spent that much
time in the totem,

and she sprung it on me
before we time jumped here.

So I really haven't had
a chance to process it.

Well, Nate, the totem seems quite small.

How do you get inside?

Are you and Zari gonna live
in a house together?

Will there be pie? 'Cause I
really like strawberry rhubarb.

I love strawberry rhubarb.

We need to focus
on today's problems, okay?

How about you guys forage for some food?

Leaves, nuts, berries,
anything we can eat.

- Okay? Go.
- Okay.

- Go.
- Okay.

Okay.

You sure you don't want me
to stick around,

be your sounding board? We can...

- Gary?
- Hmm?

You will not be my sounding board today.

Okay? Thank you.

- Okay.
- Go on.

[SIGHS]

Well, at least these two ding-dongs

can't screw anything up here

that'll attract the evil Waverider.

♪ ♪

[ENGINES WHOOSHING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Check out that view
of the Temporal Zone.

Worth a million bucks, huh?

Mm. Considering this ship
cost many thousand times more,

I'm not sure how the board's gonna feel

about your investment, sir.

There's one thing you just
can't put a price on,

- Assistant Ava.
- Hmm?

- Revenge.
- Ah.

Captain, we're getting an
alert of several anachronisms

in , Odessa, Texas.

Hmm. "Captain". I like that.

Odessa. Wait a second. Texas.

That's where the Legends took me.

Gideon, you found them.
Engage weapons systems.

I'm gonna b*mb the
living daylights out of them.

I am advising against
this course of action.

How else am I supposed to wipe them

off the face of the Earth?

Eliminating the Legends
in this blunt manner

will cause excessive collateral damage.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Your warning is duly noted.

[ENGINES BLASTING]

[SHIP WHIRRING]

[ALL SHOUT]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Yes! [LAUGHS]

Those bastards finally
got what they deserved.

That was a lot easier than I expected.

Can we please go home now, sir?

No, the captain's impulsive
and violent actions

guarantee ripple effects in the timeline

that we will have to clean up.

More precise measures must be taken

when dealing with threats
moving forward.

Trust me, this was the only way

to deal with those Legends.

And if any ripples arise, we'll just use

our brand-new time ship
to smooth them out.

♪ ♪

Hey, buddy. Got your coat.

You okay?

[SIGHS] Listen,

we don't really have time
for a rest stop.

We need to find the materials you need

to fix your time machine, yeah?

You really don't understand, do you?

I just told you lot
what you wanted to hear.

In reality, there is no point
in fixing the wretched machine.

Sure, there was a little
problem with the dismount,

but your invention actually worked.

Yeah. So why don't we, uh,
put our shoes back on,

and we can help you find magnetite

or whatever mineral it is you need to...

to get your invention
back up and running?

To fix the machine,
we need to fix the compass.

And in order to do that,
we need magnetic material

which conducts electricity.

Now, I doubt that you would
even know what to look for.

And either way, it's not about
fixing the machine

or not fixing the machine, you see,

because no matter what I do,
I'm always meant to fail.

♪ ♪

You see, my machine,
it was meant to explode.

Yeah, but it didn't explode.
We're alive and we're here.

Yes, yes, we're here.

We're here in the middle of nowhere!

[CROW CAWS]

My divine mission, derailed once again.

♪ ♪

There is no fighting God's will, my boy.

Being here is proof of that.

♪ ♪

You lot might as well get comfortable.

♪ ♪

We're not going anywhere,

because nowhere is exactly
where I'm meant to be.

♪ ♪

[PEBBLE SPLASHES]

♪ ♪

[CHILLING MUSIC]

[SHIP WHIRRING]

Outstanding. You can't even tell

that Gideon fabricated this food.

- Fabricated?
- Mm.

- From what?
- Oh...

We've received an alert
about a disturbance

- in the timeline.
- Fun.

Which thrilling time period
are we headed to next?

- .
- Ooh.

- Weren't we just in ?
- That is quite a coincidence.

What's the disturbance, Gideon?

J. Edgar Hoover has disappeared.

And unfortunately,
it is not a coincidence.

My calculations confirm
your att*ck on the Legends

caused this aberration.

[TENSE MUSIC]

Well, if Hoover is the problem,

then Hoover is the solution.

We'll just use my clone technology.

[GASPS] And make a clone of Mr. Hoover.

So we can plop him right back
into the timeline,

- and no one will even know.
- Mm-hmm.

Clones are still human
and humans are fallible.

Remember, one of your Ava clones

eventually became a Legend
and helped kidnap you.

Okay, Gideon, there's absolutely no need

to lump us all in
with that horrible traitor.

Mr. Hoover is integral
to many seminal moments

in history. We cannot risk a clone

straying from his historical to-do list.

Then we'll combine my clone
tech with your computer tech

and make a Hoover robot.

We can program him to carry out

every action
that is critical to history.

That's actually quite brilliant.

I know, I came up with it. [CHUCKLES]

[COMPUTER WHIRRING]

I'll have to add "robot maker"
to my hyphenate.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[GASPS]

It's alive.

♪ ♪

The cure for crime
is not the electric chair

but the high chair.

He's perfect.

Time to go forth
and save history, Mr. Hoover.

♪ ♪

It's like no matter what we do,

we make everything worse.

And I try to keep it together,

you know, for... for Sara and the team.

But I don't always have all the answers,

and being co-captains in life

and on the ship,
it's a delicate balance.

Sometimes I just wish
someone else was in charge.

But it's... it's what I signed up for.

So it's fine. I mean, I'm fine.

You're not fine.

- I'm fine.
- You're not, Ava.

[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Permuto.
- [ENERGY BLASTS]

♪ ♪

But you're on your way.

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

Cheers to your well-earned
promotion to Time Mistress.

Hmm, Time Mistress Ava

does have a certain ring
to it, doesn't it?

Captain, it appears
that the Hoover robot

initiated its self-destruct sequence

in the state of Arkansas
and has been destroyed.

Destroy... we just
put him into the time...

I'm pulling up the robot's visual feed.

Let's see what happened.

[DEVICE BEEPS]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

No, it can't be.

J. Edgar Hoover, a robot.

Are those the Legends?

It appears they're still alive.

Thank you. I can see that.

Well, I'll just build
another Hoover bot and...

[CHUCKLES] Add a special protocol

to hunt down and eliminate the Legends.

That protocol is not part of

J. Edgar Hoover's original timeline.

And once the Hoover bot's
done with the Legends,

it can resume its historical
to-do list. Yes?

Exactly. She gets it.

I'd advise against
this course of action.

Let's vote. We all have equal say

now that we have
a Time Mistress on board.

All those in favor of
the special protocol,

say, "Aye". Aye.

- Aye.
- Nay.

Looks like you've been outvoted, Gideon.

Come, Time Mistress Ava,
we have work to do.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[ALARM BLARING]

What do you mean the Hoover . blew up?

Its programming was hacked.

The incident also caused
another massive aberration.

Thomas Edison suffered
a heart att*ck and d*ed.

We really should have
just gone back to Ava Corp.

This situation with the Legends
is getting worse and worse.

It's because these androids are weak.

They need weapons to defend
themselves against the Legends.

Something built in, like lasers
that sh**t out of their eyes.

What if their hands were g*ns?

You're forgetting our prime directive

to protect the timeline.

You're such a computer, Gideon.

Start thinking outside of that
little computer box of yours.

No, I am digging this weapons idea.

Let's start fresh in the morning.

Once we make these adjustments,

those Legends won't stand a chance.

♪ ♪

So let's talk, Nate. [GRUNTS]

Should you move
into the totem with Zari?

Pros... [GRUNTS] And cons.

♪ ♪

Pro: I get to see Zari every day,

which is a really good thing.

CON: what if I don't like it
in the totem?

Then what?

Pro: Zari's happy in the totem

and she wants me to be with her.

Maybe that's enough.

Wait! Were you just talking to yourself?

Did I miss your epiphany?

You better not have one without me.

Gary, I already told you,

you are not my sounding
board today, okay?

So why don't you guys
go back into the woods

and find some more food?
It's gonna be dark soon.

Enjoy the great outdoors.

I just need a little more time
to, uh, work on this stuff.

Fine, but no epiphanies without me.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

Bye.

♪ ♪

Bye.

Now, where was I? Oh, con.

What if her ancestors hate me?

♪ ♪

I totally get how you feel, Gwyn.

We all have our low points,

but you gotta hang in there, man.

[LAUGHS] "Hang in there", he says.

See, there was this time

when I was enrolled in business school.

I did it to make my parents
happy, and it sucked.

In my gut, I knew I wasn't
where I was supposed to be,

and on a crazy whim,

I just decided to borrow
my family's wind totem.

You mean steal, right?

And because of this totem,
I hooked up with the Legends.

Sometimes that's exactly what you need

to get through
the dark times... friends.

[HUFFS]

- What's wrong?
- What's wrong? What's right?

There's nothing right,
is there? "What's wrong"?

What's wrong is that I am up to here

of listening to your inane prattling.

You're like some mollycoddled
child, man.

- Give me that.
- Okay, hang on.

Hold it, Z. Let's not
add more fuel to the fire.

- I...
- Let's just take a deep breath, hmm?

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Yeah, no, that's...
that's not working for me.

Hey!

Excuse me, Time Mistress Ava,

Bishop is asking for your
presence in the cargo bay.

- [DOOR WHIRS]
- Cargo bay?

He wants to show you the prototype for

the Hoover . w*apon system
he built to k*ll the Legends.

Hmm, sounds deadly.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hmm, must have b*at him here.

[DOOR WHOOSHES]

Gideon, open the door.

Bishop's not here yet.

Gideon, open this door
and let me back in.

I'm sorry, Ava.
I'm afraid I can't do that.

What do you mean you can't do that?

Gideon, open this damn door right now.

This mission is too important for me

to allow you to jeopardize it.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Bishop needs to concentrate
on the mission,

and you are a distraction.

[ALARM BLARES]

It's time for you to go.

- [DOOR WHIRS]
- [SCREAMS]

♪ ♪

Goodbye, Ava.

Hey, you can't talk to
my brother like that.

That's my job.

And you can't just run off either.

We're supposed to be working together.

Just leave me alone, will you?

Hey, you're not even
looking for lodestone

or magnetite or whatever it is, are you?

Come on, let's go.

Just don't touch me!
Don't touch me! Get away!

[TENSE MUSIC]

I'm sorry.

You're obviously
going through something.

I just... I just need you to focus

so we can get out of dinosaur times

or whenever it is that we are.

You don't even have to come with us.

Just help us fix the time machine

so my friends can finally go home.

Oh, trust me,
you don't want my help, okay?

I definitely do.

You're the only one who
can get us out of here.

Well, then you're all done for.

The last people who depended
on me for help all d*ed.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Listen, Gwyn, I know a thing
or two about tragedy, and...

You don't know the first thing about me

or what I've been through, all right?

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm just... I'm just
saying, if you want to talk.

Talk? [LAUGHS] To talk.

What do you want
to talk about, then, eh?

What happened to you.

Oh, right, you're from the olden times.

♪ ♪

Sometimes talking to another
person about a hard thing

can make it hurt a little less.

♪ ♪

[ANIMAL CHIRPING]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SPEAR CLATTERS, ARROW WHOOSHES]

[SIGHS]

- Nice work.
- You too.

- [TREE CREAKS]
- And this damn IOU list

just keeps getting longer and longer.

We're never gonna be able
to fix it at this point.

I'm so sick and tired of
being sidetracked, you know?

And if I ever see another one
of those Hoover bots,

I swear I'm just gonna... [SCREAMS]

That was a phenomenal scream.

Trust me, I know.
I've caused a lot of them.

Wow.

You know what?
I think I really needed that

And we really needed some firewood.

Your knowledge of
the universe is so useful,

especially in the wilderness.

I'm so glad you're here, Gideon.

Well, I'm glad I'm here too, Gary.

If I hadn't pulled that
nightshade out of your mouth,

you'd be dead and your lifeless body

would be too heavy for me to carry.

Mmm. Try these gooseberries.

They're sweet and high in antioxidants.

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Mmm.
- Mm?

BOTH: Mmm.

You know, eating?

Favorite thing about being human.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Mm.

I don't think I could
choose my favorite thing.

You can see why I became so obsessed.

They have so many fun quirks.

Eyebrows, belly buttons, nipples.

You have nipples too?

- A little secret?
- Huh?

- I have three.
- [GASPS]

And when you put your glasses on,

- your entire body turns human?
- Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Head to toe.

You've been living as a human
for quite a while now,

so you must have so many
wonderful experiences.

Yeah. But there's so many
more things I'd do

if we weren't so busy saving the world.

Mm? Like what else?

Would you swim in the ocean?

Oh, as soon as I get the chance.

- Mm. Would you skydive?
- No.

- Oh.
- I'm, uh...

afraid of heights.

Would you like to have
sexual intercourse with me?

♪ ♪

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪ ♪

Have you seen
Time Mistress Ava this morning?

She's supposed to show me
sketches of her g*n hands idea.

Unfortunately, she had to go.

Go? Go where?

The founding Time Masters established

a very specific protocol...
one captain, one AI.

There is no room for a Time Mistress

which can lead to distractions
from the mission.

What did you do to her?

I predicted you would not
react favorably

to this information,
so I gave you a sedative

to dampen your response.

How did you give me a sedative?

Oh. Oh.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

It was , a few years into the w*r.

I was in the army, infantry unit.

All Welsh division over in France.

We were trying to take
Mametz Wood from the Germans.

[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]

During the fighting,

me and another soldier,
we were tasked with

delivering a message to the general.

You see, we desperately
needed reinforcements, but...

♪ ♪

You didn't make it in time.

♪ ♪

We made it about halfway, and, uh...

[EXPLOSIONS, INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

The other soldier that
I was with was gunned down.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

I just froze.

[EXPLOSIONS, INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

I was like a statue.

♪ ♪

Damn legs wouldn't move.

♪ ♪

I just stood there.

♪ ♪

Just looking at him on the ground.

♪ ♪

By the time I delivered
the message, it was too late.

There wasn't even a unit to go back to.

♪ ♪

All those boys, man.

I thought that God had spared me

so that I could go back in time
and save them, but I...

I keep failing at that task.

God must be punishing me for my sins.

Punishing me for being a coward,

for not being able
to save them that night.

You are not a coward.

You lived through something most people

can't even begin to understand.

♪ ♪

And by the way, talking to me about it,

that's pretty brave.

♪ ♪

[SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN] _

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

_

[g*n COCKS]

_

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] _

_

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING, expl*si*n]

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[PANTING]

It's okay. You're okay. You're okay.

_

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- [SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]
- Okay, okay, okay.

[SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]

♪ ♪

Oh, no.

Gideon, we're gonna have
to discuss your behavior.

While you were resting,
I took the liberty

of creating another Hoover
and an Edison robot.

Both are in the timeline

fulfilling their historically
mandated duties.

Good for you, making sure
history stays on track.

Now, I think it's time
you take me back home.

Home?

You're a Time Master now.
This is your home.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[DEVICE BEEPING]

♪ ♪

[ELECTRICITY WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

[LINE RINGS]

[PHONE BUZZING]

Hello.

Who the hell is this?
Where's the Receptionist Ava?

- Who the hell is this?
- It's me, Bishop.

Is this a prank?

Is that you, Voice Actor Ava?
Your impressions are uncanny.

No, listen. It's Bishop.

Okay, this is getting annoying.

How'd you get this number?

And why do you sound exactly like me?

No, you sound exactly like me!

It's like someone made...

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

♪ ♪

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

Gideon made a copy of me.

Of me?

How dare she? There can only be one me!

♪ ♪

Wait a second, this can't be
my actual to-do list.

I pay someone to kidnap a superhero

and take them to a planet
called Pliny X ?

What the hell is a Necrian?

The Fountain of Imperium.

I try to destroy the world?

And the Legends are the good guys.

♪ ♪

They kidnapped me to give me
a chance to redeem myself.

To save the world.

Oh, no, I've been wrong
about them this whole time.

You should not be looking
at that information, Captain.

Tell me it's not true.

Tell me I don't become a bad guy.

Having information about your own future

can be extremely dangerous.

I started Ava Corporation
to make people's lives better.

I'm a good guy.

Somewhere along the way,
I... I start using my genius

to do terrible things.

You no longer have to do
any of those things.

The Bishop robot will do them for you.

You're saying that robot
I spoke to on the phone

will live my life?

That is correct.

Which means you are free
to fulfill your duty

as a Time Master.

With me. Forever.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Yo, yo. Who's hungry?

It was a good day for huntin'

but a bad day for squirrels.

And we have enough firewood
to last all night.

Who knew Ava was part lumberjack?

Yeah. Apparently, when it
comes to my anxiety and wood,

the wood's gonna lose every time.

That's my girl. Come here.
Man, I have missed you.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

Mission accomplished.

You know what? It was really
nice to not have to

think about the team for a second.

I missed you too, but, uh,

I really needed to get some
aggression out, you know?

Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll take that.

- Come on.
- I was really crazy.

I know. I have seen that.

The captains look like happy campers

and we got squirrel for dinner.
Real win-win.

Did you say squirrel?

Hey, that, uh, human experience we had?

That was fun, wasn't it?

Oh, yes. It was great fun.

You know what I just realized?

My favorite thing about being human

is being with other humans.

Me too.

♪ ♪

[CHIMING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

Hey! Damn it. You can't
just leave us in here.

[PANTING]

Oh, God, where... hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- It's all right. It's all right.
- I'm sorry, it's my fault.

It's my fault. It's my fault he's gone.

Who... who... who's gone?

The lad from the infantry unit.

He was my best friend from back home.

He was my best friend from back home.

Hey, hey, tell me about him.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

You do like to talk a lot, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

Somehow he just managed to
light up a room with his smile.

[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]

He laughed at all of my terrible jokes.

Never wrote me any letters.

Only the most...
the most delightful poetry.

♪ ♪

Sounds like you really cared about him.

♪ ♪

You loved him, didn't you?

Hey, it's okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I loved him.

♪ ♪

God forgive me, I loved Alun
more than anything.

♪ ♪

And it broke my heart, seeing
how the w*r dimmed his light.

But he was a changed man
even before my cowardice

got him k*lled. And seeing your brother,

you see, it reminds me
of how he used to be.

Hopeful.

♪ ♪

Yes, I loved Alun.

And I failed him.

You know, actually, Behrad,
the original version...

it's a long story...

he was a lot like you.

He was a soldier who was forced
to grow up too fast.

♪ ♪

And I... I lost him because of that.

♪ ♪

For years, there wasn't
a day that went by

when I didn't wish that
I had d*ed instead of I him.

But I was lucky.

I found these friends who had my back,

and eventually I was able to save

my brother and my parents and...

even make the world a better place

for a bunch of people I've never met.

♪ ♪

You're telling me that
a ragtag group of eccentrics,

they...

they helped you do all of that?

- Yeah. Believe it or not.
- [CHUCKLES]

So even though things
may feel hopeless right now,

you've got us.

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Okay.

Perfect.

♪ ♪

[RUSSIAN CHATTER ON MONITOR]

Don't worry, I'm coming for you guys.

Oh, no.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

There you are.

- Oh, blessed saints.
- Oh, you found us.

The good news is I think
I found the parts we need

- to fix the machine.
- Bravo, my boy. Bravo.

The bad news is it's .

We're in Chernobyl, and the
meltdown is happening tonight.

♪ ♪

I don't understand.

What is the significance
of this Chernobyl?

By the s, scientists had figured out

nuclear fission, which
led to them creating

nuclear reactors to harness that energy.

Lord in heaven. Nuclear fission?

They learned how to split the atom.

Yeah. And by , there are
a lot of nuclear reactors

like the one here in Chernobyl.

But tonight a reactor explodes,

and civilians won't be
evacuated for almost two days.

People will die and a lot more
will get radiation sickness.

Well, hang on a second now. You said...

you said that the expl*si*n
hasn't happened yet?

Yeah?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- No, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Maybe this is why I am here.

I might not have been able
to save Alun and the boys,

but my divine purpose...
maybe this is it.

God's will for me: to save people.

- No, come back.
- Hey, hey. Hold on, buddy.

Hey, hey, hey. Look,
I'm all for hacking history,

but if we make that big
of a change to the timeline,

that k*ller Waverider
will be right on top of us.

It'll be worth it
if we can save some lives.

Yes, we must save lives.

Ugh, okay. Okay, fine.

How do we alert people?

I think I know how. Come on.

Okay. Ugh.

[SHIP WHIRRING]

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[GRUNTS]

Well, now that there's
a robot version of me

living my life,

I'm expendable.

I'm a nobody now.

The life of a Time Master
is one of anonymity

and, in some sense, expendability.

But as far back as I can remember,

I've always wanted to help
the world with my genius.

I was convinced the world needed me.

You are helping the world
as a Time Master.

and you will start by
thoroughly eliminating

the Legends.

Right.

The Legends.

The folks who gave me a chance
to redeem myself

after I tried to destroy the world.

♪ ♪

Yeah, there it is.

Oh, fantastic work again, my boy.

- I'll keep an eye out.
- Good thing you speak Russian.

Oh, yes. Well, I picked it up
working in a lab

with some Russian scientists.
Lovely gentlemen, you know.

Though I never thought I'd be
using it for this, mind you.

Okay, okay. Let's try this.

- Okay, go ahead.
- Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] _

[SIREN BLARING] _

_

_

_

_

_

_

Okay, okay. Let's get out of here.

Yes, let's get out of here.

_

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SHOUTING IN WELSH]

It worked. Look, everybody's leaving.

Yeah, but we won't have time
to run back and warn the g*ng

before that Waverider shows up.

We will if we drive.

Let's see if I remember
how to drive stick.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

Motorcars of the future
are truly fascinating.

Ah. Okay.

[ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Well, would you look at that?

We took a little break
from leading the team

and everything turned out fine.

Yeah. Kids are all grown up, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Hey, uh, what's up with those two?

I think they got in a fight

with a gooseberry bush and lost.

♪ ♪

You don't think that they...

- [LAUGHS] No.
- No.

Any sign of them yet?

No.

I hope they didn't
run into any dinosaurs.

- [FAINT RUMBLING]
- Hey, guys, listen.

Yeah, what's that weird noise?

According to my audio analysis,

it's a straight-four engine
with manual transmission.

and the squeaking noise suggests

there's a problem with the clutch.

[ENGINE RUMBLING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Oh, guess we're not gonna
see those dinosaurs.

Hey, g*ng. We need to
get the hell out of here.

We're in ,
just outside of Chernobyl.

ALL: What?

The meltdown's gonna happen
in about minutes.

We did make a small
change to the timeline.

Okay, hold on. What did you guys do?

We broadcast a message
from a m*llitary base

informing everyone that
the meltdown was imminent,

that they should flee immediately.

Well, I wasn't in good
conscience gonna leave

without doing something, was I?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

While I definitely understand, you guys,

that's not a small change
to the timeline.

You've potentially affected
thousands of lives.

Yeah, and you just put
a huge target on our backs.

We have another disturbance
in the timeline, Captain.

Where to, Gideon?

, the city of Chernobyl
in the Soviet Union.

Guess who is causing the disturbance.

Doubt that's necessary.

Because the Legends wreak
havoc wherever they go.

And you can finally end it
once and for all

by eliminating them for good.

Didn't you say rash actions

add more ripples to the timeline?

Fortunately, we're at an
opportune moment in history.

Any ripple effect you cause
will be negligible

due to its close proximity
to such a catastrophic event.

Are you ready to save the timeline

from the Legends, Captain?

♪ ♪

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SHIP WHIRRING]

- What's that noise?
- It's the Waverider.

Oh, man, you guys need to go
fix that time machine now.

And we need to put out this fire.

Be ready. We have no idea
who or what is on that ship.

Now, if we can wire the
magnetic components together...

We can bridge the electric
current from the compass

to the ignition coil
and start the machine.

Absolutely fantastic work, young lady.

Fantastic. Very well.

Hey, Zari? I've been
doing a lot of thinking.

Y-y-you want to talk right now?

If I don't get this off my chest,

I won't be able to think
about anything else.

Go for it. I got it.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

Yes, I want to live
in the totem with you.

You do? Are you...
are you... are you sure?

You haven't had a lot of time
to think about it.

You don't get it.
It doesn't matter where I go,

as long as I'm with you.

♪ ♪

Ah, yes, we need more wire.

Mm. I got it.

- This is very us.
- This is so us.

Yeah.

[SHIP WHIRRING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Here it comes.

- Not if I stop it first.
- [g*n CHARGES]

No, come on, we gotta go. Let's go.

♪ ♪

We're right above the Legends, Captain.

Only you can engage our weapons.

It's time to prove to me that
you're the man I know you are.

♪ ♪

Oh, I'm sorry, Gideon,
I just can't do it.

I just can't k*ll the Legends.

Sure, they used me,
but they used me to do good.

Please return to your seat and focus

on the mission, Captain.

Also one of these days,
you're just gonna sh**t me

out of the cargo bay like you
did with Time Mistress Ava.

And I'd rather die
with a little more dignity!

There's nowhere to run.

Wrong about that, Gideon.

No. Do not go into section A .

[GRUNTS]

[PANTING]

♪ ♪

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[BUTTON BEEPS]

That thing I just said
about dying with dignity?

I lied.

♪ ♪

Dignity is overrated.

[WHOOSHING]

[SCREAMS]

♪ ♪

Yes.

[SCREAMS]

♪ ♪

[LIQUID SPLATTERS]

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
- What is that?

Whoa, it's coming straight for us.

- Is that someone on a toilet?
- Who cares? Let's go.

[SHOUTING]

Somebody press the red button.

Whoever it is, they're gonna
land right on top of us.

♪ ♪

[SCREAMING]

♪ ♪

[SCREAMING]

ALL: Oh, crap!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪