02x04 - Episode 4

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Wrong Girl". Aired: September 28, 2016 to October 2017.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


"The Wrong Girl" follows a 29-year-old morning television show producer, and what happens when life, love and friendships collide. Based on the book of the same name
Post Reply

02x04 - Episode 4

Post by bunniefuu »

Alice and I had a chat
and we've decided that

we're just gonna get to know
each other a bit better.

Erica's being replaced as co-host.

Her goodbye episode
will be this Saturday.

I'd just like to say
something to all the women,

the road will not be easy.

I need not apologise.

I tell you what...

You do you.

I'll do Eric.

Let's let Eric be Eric!

I love you.

I lo... it's...

It's a funny word to say, love.

Try to say... (LAUGHS)

- Jack Winters.
- What are you...?

(SQUEALS)

What did you want to ask me about?

About Gillian. The
segment I helped out on.

They bought it on the spot on
the proviso that I host it too.

I actually thought you didn't
want to do TV anymore.

I just didn't want to
work on your TV show.

(DIAL TONE)

It's ringing.

(MIMICS DIAL TONE)

WOMAN: Hello?

Ahh!

Is that Wendy from Patchewollock?

Yeah?

It's Eric from The Breakfast
Bar here, and guess what?

My God.

I've got $ , for you!

Oh, my God, really?

If you can tell me and my
beautiful Money Angels

what today's catchphrase is.

I see you, baby, shaking that
cash, shaking that cash.

- (MUSIC PLAYS)
- DALE: Take number two.

Angels, make it rain down on Wendy!

Cue the money rain.

And cue the removal of the last
remaining shreds of our integrity.

- ♪ Shaking that cash... ♪
- (LAUGHS) Dale!

That's what I'm talking about!

Eric, wrap it up.

Shaking that cash!

We're late for politics.

Scratch that. We're making space.

Television heaven, folks!

A little slice of paradise!

Let Eric be Eric.

You have to learn to improvise in here.

- Shaking that cash!
- DALE: Want me to zoom in?

What?

If we're gonna set
feminism back years,

it should at least be well framed.

(TYPES ON LAPTOP)

(GRUNTS)

Eric or Jeremy?

Both.

I need a nine-hour shower and
some industrial disinfectant.

You know I've cooked dinner, right?

Mmm. Is... is that the promo?

Yeah, you want to watch it
now or wait until later?

Are you kidding?

Now! Yes!

(SOFT JAZZY MUSIC)

Looks so much cooler in hand-held.

Jack's been a perfectionist
ever since I first met him.

Oh!

Mess. It's all mess with Gill.

I want food that tastes
like food, you know?

Not some Picasso painting made
out of broccoli and balsamic glaze.

Hey, what's the first thing
that excites you about a meal?

Seeing it.

Well, I want to see food
that looks like food,

not like it's meant to be
hung up on a wall at MOMA.

(SCOFFS)

Look, as chefs, we are complete
opposites in every sense,

taste, style...

I have it and he doesn't.

You also have sauce on your chin.

Oh!

We can't call it Jack & Gill.

Kinda have to, don't we?

Mmm, nup.

(LAUGHS)

It's so...

..so, so you.

Yeah, it's everything you wanted
to do at The Breakfast Bar

and couldn't.

It's a different format.

Still, our loss. Big time.

- Enough sugar.
- Mm-hm.

Give me the salt rub.

If you angled a bit more right,

would've got a better
look at your dimple.

That's your expert producer advice?

Mm-hm. It's crucial.


Television heaven, folks!

A little...

Thanks, Erica.

- JEREMY: And speaking of that...
- ERIC: Mm.

Are men misunderstood?

Discuss.

- Misunderstood and maligned.
- Mm-hm.

From the Family Court to education...

- to biology, for heaven's sake!
- Mm.

Men die seven years earlier than women!

- What?
- I know, right?

And where's the inquiry into that?

- Where's the outcry? Lily, come on in.
- There isn't one.

I have some notes from yesterday.

Oh, Jez'll take 'em.

He's kind of my point man now,
or should I say, point person.

- Yeah.
- We don't really do point people.

We're practising! Thought bubbles!

Yeah, witty rants. What do
you think? (CLICKS FINGERS)

I think we are one arse shake away

from catastrophically
alienating our audience.

Have you seen the comments?

Oh, comments shmomments.

Lily, you're not getting it.

This is... this is good.

This is all good, because
we're starting a...

- Conversation!
- Yes!

Cutting through the
PC... thought police.

People want warm and comforting.

People want whatever
we tell them to want.

- People want to feel.
- Yes!

But Eric, what do you want?

You want to be Australia's
most hated man?

I've got four daughters in private
schools with horse addictions.

They hate me more than
our audience ever could.

(LAUGHS)

Now, dropping the F b*mb, feminazis.

Are they anarchists who must be stopped?

Ha! Stopped in their high-heeled tracks!

A feeling?

You're condemning our daughter
to a life of Victorian-era disease

based on a feeling?

Well, why don't we just
deny her dentistry

and rubber-soled shoes as well?

You cannot tell me there's not a
link between vaccination and autism.

Scientists can't even prove it yet.

Scientists can prove it.

Read the WHO reports.

Look at any medical
journal. They'll all tell you.

What, funded by big pharma, no doubt,

peddling the latest miracle cure?

Vaccinations are the miracle cure.

Pete, you're just cherry
picking your sources

- to... to... to fit your argument.
- No, I'm not!

This is a classic case
of confirmation bias.

I hate to break it to you, Meredith,

but the scientific method
and New Age hysteria

- are not two sides of the same argument.
- New Age hysteria?

- Yes!
- Don't you have to go to work?

Settling in to my office okay?

Everything to your satisfaction?

Um, yeah, no complaints.

What are you working on?

Ah, in theory, I'm writing my pitch,

but in practice I'm debunking
Meredith's anti-vax stance

one argument at a time.

Really?

- She's...
- Self-righteous as she is deluded.

You know, there should be, like,
a questionnaire you fill out

before you have a child with someone.

Like, do you believe in logic?

Do you understand the core
tenets of Western medicine?

I think they call that dating.

Well, I'm considering drastic action.

ERIC: And it starts!

(WHISPERS) They are out of control.

Hang on, wait, what did you
mean by drastic actions?

No, nothing. Doesn't matter.

So, I... I saw the Jack and Gill promo.

It's called Up The Hill.

Ah. Right, I see what they did there.

That's good.

And you, you're okay? How
are you going with that?

- Fine.
- Yeah?

So, just seething jealousy
eating at the soul fine or...?

- I'm happy for him.
- Okay.

I figure I could dredge for
jealousy if I had to but...

What's the point? We all have pasts.

- Not... we, specifically.
- No, not we.

We don't. We've been
expunged from the record.

Our dirty secret.

I don't remember it being that dirty.

I thought it was more
sweet and attentive.

That is categorically the worst
thing you've ever said to me.

Mmm. Besides, I like Gillian.

And her being Jack's ex just proves
he has great taste in women.

That was almost convincing.

(UPBEAT MUSIC, LIVELY CHATTER)

Lily!

- Thank God!
- Hi.

I don't know any of these people!

Hey, listen, congratulations
on the show.

It looks...

Well, I want to watch it and I'm
not even your target audience.

No, really. Once I ate nothing but
tinned spaghetti for a whole week.

Honestly.

It looks great.

It looks fresh and funny
and you two are...

Hey, do you think you'd be able
to come on the road with us

or is work too full-on?

On the... road...?

As in...?

Um, just... just some away sh**t.

Nothing's been locked down
yet or anything, so...

Oh.

Actually, they're looking for
a producer if you're keen?

- Really?
- Yeah.

So, Mimi has made Vietnamese dumplings

and you're the reason
that they're going hard.

sh*t! No, Sim!

Did you forget?

No, I've double booked.

I'm at Jack's preview thingy.

Aha. Say no more.

No, actually, do say more.
How are you coping?

You and Pete?

I don't know why you both
think I am a jealous person.

I love you. I'm hanging up now.

Not coming.

Ah.

Um...

Do you want me to see if
Vincent can come around?

Just girls.

(POURS COPIOUSLY)

It'll be a few days here and there.
You're not missing anything.

Vineyards in the Barossa...

sunsets in Broome, that sort of thing?

Come. We need a field producer.

This producer has a job.

It'll be better pay, better talent,
not a Money Angel in sight.

Right.

How could I refuse?

Jack! Publicity want us. Interviews.

This is gonna take a while.

Sorry.

I didn't mean to make it
sound like your job was...

- Not as important as...
- Go.

Go. Soak this all up.

- I'll see you at home.
- Okay.

(PHONE WHISTLES)

_

(I GOT MINE BY THE BLACK KEYS)

♪ I was a movin' man ♪

- ♪ In my younger days ♪
- _

♪ But I've grown out ♪

♪ Of my ramblin' ways ♪

♪ I left that road ♪

♪ So far behind ♪

♪ And now I know ♪

- (INCOMING MESSAGE TONE)
- ♪ Oh, babe ♪

♪ I got mine ♪

♪ I got mine ♪

♪ I got mine ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I got mine ♪

(MOBILE PHONE CALLS)

♪ So baby when I rolled ♪

♪ I rolled deep ♪

♪ So much so... ♪

Sasha, hi.

Have you seen it?

- Seen what?
- I'll send you the link.

- Just get in here.
- What link?

Lily! Now!

We've got an Eric-sized sh*t
storm here and it's gone viral.

I want this sorted by morning.

♪ I got mine. ♪

(WHISPERS) Erica's arse.

Zoom in so the guys in the
booth can have a look.

Isn't that a thing of beauty?

It's a peach.

A ripe peach.

Oh! Num, num, num, num,
num, num, num, num!

As Al Pacino would say, that's a great!

SASHA: Stay away from camera...

First step, we need to file
the DMCA takedown notice.

- What's the point?
- He's right.

Once it's processed,

anyone who's clickbait
happy will have seen it.

. K views in just over
an hour. It's incredible.

Do you want to brand it with
the network logo, Jeremy?

It's not a bad idea. As long as
it doesn't obscure the arse.

Do we know who leaked it?

It doesn't take Inspector
Morse, does it?

It wasn't necessarily Erica.

The fact that you jumped
to that conclusion

without me even saying her
name suggests otherwise.

She does kind of have
the clearest motive.

Regardless of who leaked it...

We could check video
archive access logs.

Regardless of who leaked it,

we need to figure out a
containment strategy.

We stay strong. Let Eric be Eric.

Eric can't mansplain this away.

He needs to apologise publicly...

tomorrow.

That would be a terrible move.
It will weaken Eric's brand.

Eric's brand is the Hindenburg, Jeremy,

and we are gonna go
down in flames with it.

We could present it as
a kind of non-apology.

- That could work.
- Taken out of context.

Locker room, blah,
boys will be blah blah.

Sexual harassment, blah.

Massive settlement, blah.

Explain that to your dad.
Blah, blah, blah. Blah.

I want eyes on Eric ASAP.

I don't want his fingers
anywhere near the internet.

Jeremy, you're his point person.

You point him in the
direction of this office.

Get Erica on the phone.

I want to know how she plans to respond.

Right. That's it.

Everybody back to work.

I love it when she's like this.

MIMI: Oh, I totally understand.

With Lil being away and you
and Vincent being so close...

No. No, no, no.

...everybody playing musical chairs...

It's all so sudden.

No, that's... That's not it.

I... I just feel like sometimes, you
know, everyone else has these...

these big, proper lives,
and I'm happy for them,

but I'm just kind of floating, you know?

Sim, there's nothing wrong with that.

I spent my whole life doing
it properly, you know.

Proper C-section, proper
mortgage, proper divorce.

Enjoy it. You're single.

Mimi, you're single.

Young and single.

You are a smart, smoking goddess

and you have all the freedom

and no responsibility.

I have an idea.

I think that we should get
frocked up and go out

and get you back in the game.

No. Definitely not.

- See, that is your problem.
- No.

See, no more nos.

No.

You've gotta say no to
no and say yes instead.

Actually, if I were to say yes...

Oh! You said it!

...would I be able to wear that jacket?

Yes!

- Take it!
- Yeah.

Look, it's Eric. It
doesn't need to be funny.

Funny runs the risk of being smug.

- Heartfelt is better.
- Ah, heartfelt?

But not treacly.

I don't want Eric inducing
hyperglycaemic shock in our viewers.

Just a genuine apology.

Yeah, yep, Lily, I
understand. It's okay.

It should be over soon, sweetie.

Here we go.

- Need you to hold her arm, mate.
- Ah, yep.

Is that Vincent?

Yeah, he's about to come at
my child with a giant needle.

It's always worse for the parent,
mate. You want to lie down?

It's okay, sweetie.

So, Meredith came around?

Um. Not exactly.

She doesn't know?

She will do eventually.

What was I meant to do? She
wouldn't listen to reason.

Okay. Wow. Look, no, I know
nothing of parenting politics,

but this is a pretty
significant breach, yeah?

Um, I've gotta go, Lil.

I don't think you should...
No, no, Pete...

Okay, here we go, sweetie.

Here we go.

- He's just got a big...
- You ready?

It looks scary but it's gonna be okay.

- (DING!)
- He never gets back to me on time.

The arse man cometh.

Right.

What are we doing about the leak?

We've sent an email around
to everyone reminding them...

An email!? An email, Lily?

Oh, come on!

I want names. I want heads to roll.

Waste of time. Let's
focus on fixing this.

I will find the rat.

No one hangs you out to dry
and gets away with it.

- Not on my watch.
- Good.

In the meantime,

we've got Pete writing up a
statement for you to say.

Well, I'm not apologising.

Not an apology. A clarification.

Et tu, J-Man?

I said nothing wrong! I love women!

And that was a compliment.

Lily, does Jack tell you
he likes your arse?

He's my boyfriend.

I like your arse. Yours too, Alice.

Really?

Yes, I'm only human.

I'll have a statement
ready for you to read

first thing tomorrow morning.

Live.

Is this a pick-up joint?

- Are they all here to...
- No.

Australian men can't make a
move until after midnight.

- These are magnificent.
- Stop it!

I feel like an old wildebeest

that the hyenas have
separated from the pack.

You're a gazelle, graceful and sleek,

pronking and jinking
in the dating savannah.

Excuse me, she will have a...

espresso Martini this time.

She will have a double
Martini, dry as the Serengeti.

Oh, yes.

Yes!

He'll read this to camera?

I want him to read it directly to Erica.

I want to get her on the couch tomorrow.

I'm not giving a pedestal to someone
who's att*cked our show repeatedly.

We fired her. So? I was fired.

You take it like a grown up
and you get them long game.

You don't declare w*r in public.

Assuming she leaked the tape.

Who else would?

Anyone with a cervix.

This isn't going away.

Eric needs to apologise and he
will do it if it's face to face.

What's your play with Eric?

Because he won't go near that
couch if he knows Erica's on it.

Surprise att*ck.

Right now, though, I'm more
worried about finding Erica.

She's not answering any calls,
we don't know where she is.

Things to remember about Erica,

one, she's a chronic insomniac,

and two, an arse like that
needs a lot of maintenance.

Ah, Lily.

I was wondering how long it
would take you to find me.

Look, I'm not interested.

It's a chance for you to
tell your side of the story.

Like court, where the victim
faces the convicted criminal.

Lily, I'm not a victim.

I really don't give a sh*t what
Eric thinks about my arse.

The guy is a pig and I'm sick of pigs.

So come on the show and tell him that.

Lily, you're only
interested in the ratings.

I mean, why would I do any
favours for The Breakfast Bar?

Because it was your home for a decade

and you could've leaked
that clip ages ago.

You could've leaked any number
of clips, and you didn't.

And how do you know I
didn't leak the clip?

Because I did.

I want our show back.

And I need you.

(LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR)

- (KNOCKING CONTINUES)
- You there, Mims?

SIMONE: Mimi!

Mimi! Someone's at the door!

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh... I've come to do the gutters.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'll get started, eh?

Mimi!

Mims?

(PHONE RINGS)

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Hey, Mum!

- Hi!
- Hey.

What are you doing here?

Uh... I...

I just slept here.

Okay.

You and my mum, BFFs?

Oh.

That's... Where is she?

Um, just... a sec.

Okay.

Sim, I can't talk right now, sorry.

I was just wandering, by any
chance are you with your mum?

No, I'm at work. Why?

No reason. Um, have a great show.

- You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Um, but it turns out I...

am pretty sure I've lost your mum.

ERIC: Coming up after the break...

DALE: Go to a commercial
in five, four, three...

Ready?

You're a strong, powerful,
brave, blonde woman

and you go up there.

Lily, I don't need the pep talk.

I'm gonna eat him alive.

Ah, can I get a mic on?

Hello, Nikkii. Hello, Eric.

- Oh, my God! Erica.
- Hello, everyone.

Look, I just thought it was time

we could put this whole arsegate
thing behind us, so to speak.

(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY)

This is an ambush.

No, it's a conversation.

Nikkii, you're referee.

Ooh! Yay!

Lily, I'll read the statement,
but I will not grovel...

The statement is one thing
but this is a bad call.

- I'm pulling the segment.
- Sasha's already approved it.

Well, I'm gonna get her to unapprove it.

Tell me, Eric, what exactly did you
say in my defence when they boned me?

I bought a fruit basket!

Yeah. You didn't say a word.

Back to Nikkii in three, two, one.

Welcome back, and have we
got an exclusive for you.

Too light. Trust yourself.

Some things are so important,
they need to be discussed IRL,

away from the mudslinging and
the blame game of the internet.

So please welcome back
to the couch Erica...

- temporarily.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Thank you so much, Nikkii.

I would love to say that
it's a pleasure being back,

but Eric's reception thus
far has been frosty.

Boom, girl point.

I was... I was somewhat surprised.

Surprised! Were you surprised, Eric?

You know what, I was surprised
too when I found out that

all of Australia

was assessing whether my arse
was a ratings winner or not.

Which it is.

And... how did that make you feel?

Oh, feel. Feel.

Everybody's got so many...
feeeeelings these days.

Look, I'm not a perfect person.

I've said and done things I regret.

But for a woman in the public arena,

we are crucified for every outfit
choice, for every haircut,

the size of our bust, the
size of our backsides,

even though you can't even see
them behind a desk half the time.

I mean, who cares what our IQ is, right?

As long as we don't have
cellulite. Am I right?

- Yeah.
- Exactly.

I mean, we are pilloried, we are
objectified, we are judged,

we are trolled,

and if we try to push back,
we're told to just swallow it.

And no, Eric, that is not a euphemism.

- (STUTTERS)
- So try it, ladies.

Try and push back. And what will you be?

Yeah, you'll be a crazy
feminazi cat woman.

Me? That makes me angry.

Does that make you angry, Nikkii?

Yes, it does.

So, yes, Eric.

That video made me angry,

not because I care what
you think about my arse

but because my colleague for years,

who I thought saw me as an equal,

actually just sees me as
another piece of meat.

Slay, Mummy, slay.

Get ready to zoom in.

And what would it take,
Erica, for you to forgive Eric?

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on a minute.

Nikkii, I'm not asking
for her forgiveness.

I... I...

Look, people who know me,
people who really know me,

know that those words... those
words don't reflect who I really am.

- Eric...
- Come on!

It's not about forgiveness.

You need to walk a mile
in a woman's shoes

and then you would understand
why that video was so offensive...

and why it hurt me so much.

Ding, ding!

Round one.

We'll be back.

I'll be back.

NIKKII: Alice, I don't like the
folded chips. I like the flat ones.

How many calories in every chip?

Knock knock. Good show.

Yeah. That one was.

Something to be proud of.
Award-winning, maybe.

Wouldn't go that far.

Sorry, I didn't mean to
cut you out with Sasha.

- Hey...
- With the time crunch.

Thank you for sparing me
the backlash that's coming.

Eric will have to either decide
to exit or he'll be rotated out.

I'm so relieved not to have
my fingerprints on the show

that burnt The Breakfast
Bar to the ground.

Little dramatic.

We get a clean slate tomorrow.

Eric can win back goodwill.

Hell of a gamble.

Yeah, Lil, have you seen this?

"Hot chef sizzles on screen."

- Four stars.
- Wow.

So many sexy cooking terms.

Sizzling, spicy, steamy.

I did not know they were engaged.

Jack and Gillian.

- Where does it say that?
- The profile on them.

Yay for exes working together.

Okay. What's this?

spicy chicken sliders, for $ .

That's impressive.

- Hang on. So, yes to everything?
- Yes.

And this is my mother
we're talking about?

- Yes.
- Can you please stop saying that?

Yes. Sorry, no.

I mean, I had to say
yes to that, didn't I?

How can you not remember three hours?

Uh, judgy.

You once didn't remember
getting a tattoo of Tweety Bird.

It was a fake tattoo and I... I
don't need... I'm not the one...

Just can you show me the photos, please?

You have to admit, she looks really hot.

Oh!

Ah!

- (LAUGHS)
- All right, come on.

I've only had two drinks.

Is that...

Bernard?

Did you hook up with Bernard?

- No.
- You're sure?

Within those three missing hours,
you didn't hook up with...?

No. 'Cause he wasn't there.

But then he was.

I know the owner and I'm
gonna have your badges.

Hey, hey, hey, Joe, Joe!

It's all good.

The ladies are with me.

- Yeah, I actually do know the owner.
- It's Bernard!

Yeah, yeah, it's me, I'm here.

- St Bernard!
- Oh! Yeah!

- Huh.
- Huh, what?

Call him and ask him if he's
seen my mother, please.

All right, all right.

But can I just say

that this paternalistic,
like, protective thing?

Sim.

It's really Oedipal and we're gonna
have to talk about this at length.

Simone.

- (DIAL TONE)
- (WHISPERS) I'm calling him.

BERNARD: How low can you go?

Hi. Hi, Bernard.

- Um, it's Sim, Lily's...
- Oh, yeah.

I was just wondering, have you
seen her mum, Mimi, by any chance?

Oh, yeah, she's here. She's here. She's
here. D'you want to speak to her?

I can put her on. Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah, cool.


Come on.

(AIRILY) Hellooo!

Mimi. Hi, how are you?

(WHISPERS) Oh, God, Sim.

Oh, thank God it's you.

I thought it was one of the
kids and it'd just be...

Mum. Mum.

- What's happened?
- Are you okay?

Everything okay? What can I do?

No, hi, darling. I'm fine.

Mum!

And in fact, I just ran into your
friend Bernard, of all the things!

- Hello! (LAUGHS)
- Hello.

Can they hear me? Tell him to come.

Come and meet us. There's a seat here.

We'll get an extra seat in.

Hey. Found the thing.

Simone called, Vincent called,
Mimi called three times.

(SIGHS) Hi.

Hey, get any sleep?

Thanks.

Managed to save Eric from himself?

Why didn't you just tell
me you were engaged?

Who told you that?

It doesn't matter.

Actually, you know what?
No, it does, because...

I didn't snoop.

I want that on record.

I have not been jealous.

Okay. Noted.

- Do you want to ask me about it?
- No.

Yes.

I guess I had the impression that it
was serious and you never gave me

the impression it was that serious.

Or do you just propose
to every girlfriend now?

Sorry, that was unfair.

It was serious.

And it ended because...?

I think she told me to
grow up, go to rehab

and then she threw the
engagement ring at my head.

See, I thought you left her.

It ended. What's the difference?

You were wiping food off
each other's chins.

Since when did chin
wiping become foreplay?

What's gonna happen when you
go on the road together?

Nothing. Work.

Right. Work. Yeah.

'Cause you work so well
together, unlike you and I.

I'm just the
commitment-phobic girlfriend

who dragged you back to Melbourne,

who you have nothing in common with.

She's been cranky all night.
No surprises, though.

She's probably picking up
on the tension between us.

Yeah.

How did we go from
co-parenting to trench warfare?

Th...

I've been doing some research and...

we should get her vaccinated.

Really?

Well, everything but rubella.

I'm just not over the
line on that one yet.

Okay. Well...

I think it's definitely still
as safe as the others,

but that's... that's awesome.

If you've read through
the things and we...

Yeah, well... Yeah.

I'm going to take her for her
six-month check-up next week,

so I'll just do it then.

Oh...

Well, I mean, I could
just do it tomorrow.

- No. I'll do it next week.
- Are you sure?

I can get time off work. The boss
loves me so I can sort it out.

Pete. I'm gonna be there.

Yeah.

I just, um...

I know you hate needles, though,
and I can hear... and I just...

Oh, well, let's just do it together.

- Yeah?
- Right.

(BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY)

What?

See, I... (CLEARS THROAT)

The thing is, I...

See, the thing is, I might
have already done it.

What, you booked it?

No, I mean, like, I... I've done it.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have gone behind your back.

It was a massive overstep,

but I just kept picturing Manisha
with whooping cough or measles

and just in distress, you
know, and I thought of...

- I cannot live with you anymore.
- What?

I want to move in with Mitchell.

Wait.

He's asked me and he...

he knows me and...

Oh, wow.

He doesn't lie to me.

Meredith.

LILY: It was ugly.

PETE: Like, full green
Lily the Hulk ugly?

You are only getting away with that

because your problems are
bigger than mine right now.

It's true, they are.

So I'm like a drop-in dad now.

Part-time at best. All for
doing the right thing.

Oh, come on, Pete.

What did you think was gonna happen?

I don't know. Slap across the wrist.

Across the face, at worst. Not this.

Well, you took drastic
action, so did she.

Yeah, I did it for our daughter.

Well, maybe she thought she was too.

So, what, you agree with her?

No, I'm saying you can't raise
kids together without trust.

Ask my parents.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

Speaking of. Mum. She
keeps on calling me.

Yep. Mum, hi, look,
I can't talk right now.

Please stop avoiding my calls.

I'm not avoiding you.

It's been a really hectic week.

- Have you spoken to your brother?
- No. Why?

Oh, nothing. I... I...

I just need to talk to you.

It's important.

What, like, rearranging
the furniture important

or health problem?

Probably somewhere in between the two.

(CHUCKLES) Uh...

Do you want to come to lunch tomorrow?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Is every... thing...

Bye.

Uh...

Eric post.

"Tune in tomorrow as I bid adieu
to The Breakfast Bar forever."

Really?

Lots of sad face emojis.

Really?

And his arse.

He's mooning us adieu.

(BABY BABBLES)

We have to go see him.

Why me?

- Bring the baby.
- What?

- Yep.
- Why?

Backup. You can't att*ck
a woman with a baby.

You're not using my
baby as a human shield.

- ERIC: You.
- Yes.

You?!

Yep.

You?

We need to start moving forward now.

How?

Why, Lily, why?

I wanted to give you a wake-up call.

Oh, well, I'm "woke" now.

(SIGHS)

I honestly never wanted you gone.

Beer? Port?

I'll take a beer.

Me too.

You don't get a drink today, missy.

- What did upstairs say?
- What did upstairs say?

I'll tell you what they said.

They said, "You look a bit tired, Eric.

"Maybe a little holiday
might be just the ticket."

What we have here is a
classic redemption story.

(GROANS)

If you just apologise, this will all...

I wasn't wrong. I...

Look, man to man, do
you think I'm sexist?

Well, I mean,

you do have a photo of a young
woman in a swimsuit on your wall.

That's my daughter.

My eldest.

Her mother moved to Shanghai
when she was little.

I never get to see her.

I don't even have a decent photo.

I had to buy that in a store.

Well, she's a model.

Got her dad's genes.

My daughter's moving
out with her mum too.

It's not quite as far as Shanghai.

And what are you doing about it?

Uh...

Uh?

- Well, I can't...
- Arrh.

- I mean, it's not...
- (MOCKS PETE)

You listen to me.

You need to do whatever you need to do

to stay a part of
that little one's life.

Believe me.

Six Logies, two gold.

That right there, that
beautiful little bundle,

that's the best thing you'll ever do.

(BABY BABBLES)

- A-bubby-bubby-boo!
- (BABY BABBLES)

See, that's the...

that's the Eric Australia needs to see.

Come on, clap your
hands. Yes, let's clap!

Clap your hands. Clap, clap, clap.

- (BABY BABBLES)
- (LAUGHS)

Clap your hands. Do you know what?

Right now you're the
only woman in Australia

who doesn't think I'm an arsehole.

- (LAUGHS)
- (BABY LAUGHS)

- Where's it going?
- (BABY BABBLES)

Did you see that smile? She's smiling.

(LAUGHS)

Just pimped out my
daughter to save your show.

Television. You're now one of us.

Whoo!

NIKKII: Good morning, Australia.

On yesterday's show, my
co-host Eric was confronted

with some powerful accusations

and we felt it only fair to
give him a right of reply.

Good luck, mate.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Morning.

Morning.

Well, um, the last few
days have opened my eyes.

Dare I say it, Erica was right.

I did need to walk a mile in her shoes.

And how do those shoes feel, Eric?

Well, a little uncomfortable,
to tell you the truth,

but they do give my derrière
a bit of a lift, do you think?

Hey?

But seriously, men and women,
well, it's like yin and yang.

Bee and flower.

And there can be no Eric without Erica.

I want you back.

So, here's an apology.

To you, Erica.

And to the women of Australia,
and to my daughters.

Who knows, maybe they're
watching somewhere too.

(CLEARS THROAT) Anyway. Here we go.

Sometimes we say things
inappropriate and dumb

I know I shouldn't have said
what I said about your bum

It was uncalled for and frankly uncouth

But I love you with all my heart
and you know that's the truth

♪ Just like Christmas without a tree ♪

♪ There's no you without me ♪

(CLEARS THROAT)

To all you wonderful women
and girls everywhere

Please don't think for a second that I

That I don't really care

It's never my intention
to upset or offend

And I never wanted to
lose my very best friend

♪ Erica, without ya, I'm so blue ♪

♪ There's no me without you ♪

Don't worry, Nikkii. You're not through.

Oh, thank God.

♪ There's no me without you... ♪

(LAUGHS)

Still let Eric be Eric, but palatable.

I think it's time we got on
the same side, Woodward.

I'm on a roll. I'll just
keep going, shall I?

(GILLIAN LAUGHS)

This is... this is nice.

You know, I don't have that many
girlfriends left in Melbourne.

We should've had you over sooner.

- Mmm. Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Please.

It has been a day.

Yeah, and the worst part was...

waking up to discover
that I'd partaken in...

a one night stand.

With one of your friends.

Well, at least I thought
it was a one night stand.

It's just he's just called
to ask me to lunch.

Are you going to say yes?

I think it would be very rude to say no.

Very dangerous, this
saying yes to everything.

- Good for her.
- I guess.

In the spirit of full disclosure,
I probably need to apologise.

I'm a little bit...

I went crazy girlfriend on Jack.

It's not you.

There are some gaps in my knowledge.

I can imagine.

I didn't know that you two were
engaged until that article.

Oh, Jack's terrible at
talking about the past.

He is, isn't he?

He always draws a line in the
sand and then he cuts you out.

- Yes!
- Yes. Yep.

Hmm.

I'm sorry.

I've being that ex-girlfriend.

No. No. It's...

I actually think I'm learning a lot.

What else do you want to know?

- We all right out here?
- Mm-hm.

- Yeah.
- Fine.

Get back in the kitchen.

PETE: There's just no excuse for it.

I mean, I was just wrong
on so many levels

and in so many different dimensions

and I want you to know
I'm really, really sorry.

And if you feel like we can't
get back to what we had,

then I totally understand that.

But I want you to know I
will do whatever it takes

to stay part of Manisha's life.

Move in with us, then.

Sorry?

Of course you're gonna stay
part of Manisha's life.

I'm not gonna deny her a father
because of your stupidity.

Ah, right...

Sorry, you mean move in to Mitchell's?

We still have our trust
stuff to work through.

MITCHELL: Together.

The three of us?

Well, four us, actually.

I just think it's the
best thing for Manisha.

Well...

I mean, thanks for the...

that offer...

Look, I'm fine with it, Pete.

There's a whole section of the
house that's underutilised.

You'd be doing me a favour.

I really appreciate how
generous you're being

and how open-minded
you are about all this.

I just... just a bit
taken aback. That's all.

I was expecting a custody battle
and then we got a share house.

(LAUGHS)

You said whatever it takes.

JACK: Feels like we just got in here.

I really don't want to go.

I don't want you to go either.

We'll be fine.

- We'll talk every day, yeah?
- I don't know.

That sounds excessive.

So, uh...

Mimi and Bernard, huh?

Yes.

So, what do you think it was like?

Do you think he undressed her carefully?

- No, don't you dare.
- Caressed her face...

Don't! No! Stop it!

I'm just trying to help
you work through it.

- Will you stop? Oh.
- Oh, Bernard, oh.

Fine! Hang on a minute!

- You're being Mimi in this situation?
- Oh, Bernard! Oh!

(CAR HORN BEEPS)

Oh, that'll be her.

I guess I should be grateful

- we didn't finish that role play.
- (TEXT MESSAGE ALERT)

Yes, Gillian. I know it's you.

But promise me you will
stand on her wrong side

and stop showing so much dimple.

It's unsightly.

I promise.

And let's talk every day.

Okay. I love ya.

- Hey!
- (SQUEALS)

- Mwah! Let's do this.
- Yeah.

- Ready?
- Yeah, sorry. No, no, I'm good.

I love you too.

Did something happen
with you and Gillian?

- Lil, sorry, now's not the right time.
- Well, it's gonna have to be.
Post Reply