01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

[PAGES RIFFLING]

[THUMPING HEARTBEATS]

[MAN WHIMPERING]

MAN 1: Go! Go! Go!
MAN 2: Go, go, go, go, go!

MAN 3: What was that?
MAN 4: Down! Get down!

[INDISCERNIBLE SHOUTING]

Move! Move! He's coming!

What the hell was that?

[YELLING]

BOSS: Get me out of here!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

[BOSS SCREAMING]

Protect me, you idiot.

[WHIMPERING]

[ROARING]

MAN: In the fire escape. Do you see it?

[BOSS SPEAKING JAPANESE]

Get down...
[BOSS SCREAMS]

MAN 1: Look out!
MAN 2: On the roof!

[g*nshots, MEN SCREAMING]

[WHIMPERS]

[GROWLING]
BOSS: Ah!

[WHIMPERS]

Ah!

[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]

Whoever you are, we can make a deal.

[GROWLS]

Don't, don't, don't...

[GRUNTS]

♪ Theme music playing ♪

♪

♪ Funky rock music playing ♪

♪

WOMAN [OVER PA SYSTEM]:
Welcome to Tokyo Narita Airport.

[FLIGHT ATTENDANT SPEAKING JAPANESE]

Yeah. Hey.

WOMAN [OVER PA SYSTEM]:
Narita Air will soon be departing

to Shinjuku at three a. m.

[BOTTLE CLINKS]

PASSPORT AGENT: Next.

Hmm.

Hey.

Business or pleasure?

Oh, that's a great question.

And when you love what you do,
it's such a hard one to answer really.

But g*n to head, I'd have to say pleasure.

But it ain't the holidays
without a fistfight, right?

Anywho, that's why my father left, so...

I often think, Bryce,

what would your life have been like

if you'd had a more stable upbringing?
[DRIVER SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

You ever have those thoughts?

Yeah? No?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you seem like you come
from a good home.

Oh, are we here?

All right, uh, cool.

Hey, are you gonna be out here
when I get back?

'Cause I gotta be honest with you,

I'm really enjoying
the conversation we're having.

Just the back and forth is incredible so...

It's like I know I don't know you,
obviously, but I feel like

I know you, you know.

Let's do it again sometime!

Five stars.

[WHISTLING]

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

♪

[HACKING COUGH]

Mr. Schouler?

No, ma'am. Uh, wait,
are we using real names or fake names?

I don't know. What's your name?

Uh, I'm Bryce,

and I'm here to k*ll someone
for a bunch of money, you know.

I was told to come to this address
to pick up a few things, you know,

g*ns, b*ll*ts,
bigger g*ns, bigger b*ll*ts.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay.

And I guess we're walking.

Sorry, about that,
I... I'm just trying to go

with a total honesty policy, you know.

It's, it's part of this program I'm in.

I can't really talk about it, though.
It's, uh, it's anonymous.

You were referred by Mr. Salk.

He was very pleased with your work.

He said you were to be trusted.

That you're the best.

Get outta here. Old Salky said that?

Oh, that's so funny, 'cause
on the outside, I'm sure you know this,

he's this creepy,
murderous, criminal kingpin.

But, ah, I love a secondhand compliment.
Thank you. That's very sweet of you.

Everything's just as you ordered.

BRYCE: Wow. I love
what you've not done with the place.

When the job is complete,

your extraction point is
Fukuyama Municipal Airport,

one hour south by train.

There you receive rest of your fee.

[HACKING COUGH]

Yikes.

You know, you really
should get that checked out.

- It's fine. [COUGHING]
- Okay.

Yeah, I mean, it's just
I have a big day tomorrow,

and I hate working sick.

Let me say this,

you guys really know
how to do customer service.

And the whole no tipping thing?
Just amazing. [CHUCKLES]

So, hey, you want to hang out
for a little bit?

Maybe we can watch some TV if you want.

You know, I could order a p*rn

or Love Actually or...
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]

Never mind. Okay.

Out they go. Wonderful.
Nice job, Bryce, you dipshit.

♪ Funky music playing ♪

♪

Ho ho! Woo!

Hey, you're, you're all laughing,
but it's true.

I k*ll people for money.

Hey, hey. Hey, look.
I could k*ll your buddy right here.

You got the dough, I'll make 'em go.

[ALL CHEERING]

[LAUGHING]

Woo-hoo! Yeah, I'm on a hot streak.

Hey, who wants to bet a kidney?

Woo!

Yeah! Dance like nobody's watching.

Hell with that. I'm gonna dance
like everybody's watching.

Look at me!
[GRUNTS]

[CROWD CHANTING, INDISCERNIBLE]

♪ Japanese rap music
playing over headphones ♪

GIRL: Ohayo gozaimas.

What up?

Hey, guys, keep up the good work.

Tell me, you really want
to att*ck the m*llitary

and the Royal family in the same speech?

Go big or go home.

Ohayo gozaimas, uncle.

Akiko, you're late.

Yo, what's up, Japan's only hope?

- [CHUCKLES] Stop it.
I am a humble public servant,

and I haven't won anything yet.

And he never will apparently.

Who put in this part about
a 20 percent tax increase on corporations?

I did.

Remind me again why I made you
his speechwriter.

Because I'm awesome,
and my opinions are exciting and bold

and deep down inside they thrill you,

even if they also worry you a little bit.

Is that ringing a bell?

Not a one.

Ah, you're not really upset, are you?

You've been breaking my balls
for 30 years.

Why should it stop now?
[KEN LAUGHS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

HIROSHI: There's not enough spotters
on that roof.

And those barricades are set
too close to the stage.

What do you think?

I think I hate working
political rallies.

And demonstrations.
Oh, and rock concerts.

I'm going to call it in.

Should we find a better position?

What are you trying to do,
win "Cop of the Year"?

- [CHUCKLES]
With you as my partner?

I don't ever have to worry about that.

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

[WHISTLING]

Gentlemen, good morning.

[CROWD CHEERING]
KEN: Thank you.

Thank you all.

You're here because you want change!

[CROWD CHEERING]

You want to say "no more"

to the old system
and the corrupt masters it serves!

ALL: No more!

KEN: To an economy that only works
for the one percent!

- Why can't I remember my password?
Wait, is it ASS...

ASSMAN? No.

Oh. ASSASSINOW.

Oh, it's times like this
I wish I had a catch phrase.

[WHIRRING]

[BEEPING]

KEN: Now is the time!

[g*nshots]

- g*n!
HIROSHI: Twelfth floor.

No, fifteenth!

Oh! Now that's a lot of stairs.

Probably why Oswald only went
to the sixth floor.

- Let's go!
We can be the first ones on scene.

Out of the way! Police!

Ohh!

I got this and you call for backup!

No! No, no. Wait. Hiroshi!

[SHINJI GASPING]

SHINJI: Ken!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh God! Oh God!

[GASPING] Oh. Okay...

[PANTING]

Oh, you gotta be sh1tting me.

[PANTING]

Oh God! No!

Hiroshi.

♪ Somber music playing ♪

Hiroshi.

[PANTING]

♪ Somber piano music playing ♪

♪

[PASSENGERS MURMURING]

♪

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

SOLDIER: Ahh!
[BRYCE GRUNTS]

[GROANING]

What the...

Ah, you must be Schouler.

Jesus Christ, do you guys
ever talk to each other?

Sure, yeah, no, I'm Schouler,
AKA the guy you asshats hired.

The guy you're supposed
to put on that plane!

By the way, do you have my money?

[LAUGHING] You mean this money?

I believe I'm supposed
to collect this back.

Now you have k*lled a great man.

A man who would have ended
the scourge of corruption.

So I'm here to deliver a message
from the man who hired you.

He thanks you for services rendered
and hopes that you will understand

that someone needs to pay the price
for this awful crime

so that the Japanese people can move on.

- Well, here's the thing.
I don't believe it's my fate

to die at the hands
of a total prick like you.

A badass woman, sure.
Yeah, I could roll with that.

Or a bunch of badass women.
Even better, eh? [CHUCKLES]

But no, it's not gonna be some B-team hack
with love handles and halitosis.

Bye-bye.

[RAPID BEEPING]

♪

[g*ns CLICKING]

[g*nshots]

CAPTAIN: Ahh!

[GRUNTING]

You won't make it far.

You have no idea
who you're dealing with.

[g*nsh*t]

I can't wait to meet him.

[g*n CLATTERS]

Aw, you bastard. This is my lucky shirt.

[GROANS]
Oh sh*t.

Ohhh, that's much worse.

[ALARM BLARING]

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

♪

Hey, Bryce, you want to go to Japan?

Oh yeah, sure, why not.

Yeah, you haven't been there since you
k*lled the chairman of that car company.

You had fun on that trip, right?

♪

Ah, chin up, B-Dog.

You've been in bigger pickles
than this, yeah.

Ohhh boy.

Ugh. So many regrets. [GROANS]

Oh, I should have grown that goatee.

♪

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

♪

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

♪

[MONKEYS HOOTING]

BRYCE:
What the hell is this?

Ohh! Hey!

[COUGHS]
It's a shitload of monkeys.

[COUGHING]

[MONKEYS GRUNTING]

Wha... what is that?
What you got there, huh?

You know, I'm pretty sure you guys
are outside of my provider's network.

[GAGS]

Oh God, that...

That tastes like ass.

♪

[MONKEY HOOTING]
BRYCE: Hey.

[CHATTERING]

[HOOTING]

♪

[CHATTERING]

[HOOTING, CHATTERING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREECHING]

[GRUNTS]

Hey, look, I... I hope
this isn't about me, okay,

'cause I'd hate to cause any tension

around the hot tub.
[MONKEY SCREECHING]

You know.

Well, he's high-strung, yeah?

♪

[SNORTS]

♪

Oh, I know.

We'll hire a guy to do the job
and then just k*ll him.

First, there'll be the messengers.

And then...

I'm going to k*ll
every one of the shitheads

who came up with this idiot plan!

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

[g*nshots]

[SQUAWKS]

[g*nshots]

Hope that monkey doctor's got
a load of malpractice insurance

up that bright red ass of his.

[MONKEY GRUNTS]

Well, if it isn't my evil new stepbrother.

[CHATTERING]

Whoa. Hey,
here's a little lifehack for you,

don't talk back to the guy
holding the g*n.

[GROWLING]
[BRYCE CHUCKLES]

You know, you're not like
those other ones, are you?

You know what I am.

♪

Ah-da-da-da-da!

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

You pick up one of these in anger

and you'll never put it down.

Plus, you could end up like me...

an all-around awesome guy.

Yeah.

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

[HOOTING]

♪

[GROWLS]

[ROARING]

♪

[HOOTING]

[MONKEY CHATTERING]

[GRUNTING]

What the hell's this guy's problem?

Excuse me, can I interject here?

This one obviously has anger issues,

and whatever he's saying, I didn't do it.

[SCREECHING]
[IMITATING SCREECHING]

[ALL MONKEYS SCREECHING AND HOOTING]

♪

[BRYCE WHISTLES]

Yikes. Not cool, man.

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERS]

Aw, what's going on?

Is he kicking him out?

Hey, hey, man, I'm sorry about that.
I w... I was just screwing around.

[WHIMPERS]

♪

Hey. Hey, dude.

I'm sorry.

♪

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

♪

[WHIMPERING]

♪

♪ Ominous music playing ♪

[OWL HOOTING]

♪

[LOW RUMBLING]

[ENGINES REVVING]

[MEN SHOUTING AND LAUGHING]

[HEARTBEAT THUMPING]

♪

[GRUNTS]

[YELPS]

[GRUNTING]

[GROWLING]

♪

[GRUNTS]

♪

BRYCE: Are you guys pals with the, uh,

the other fellows that I exploded?

'Cause if so, no hard feelings.

Bro, did you honestly think
you could get away with this?

Well, I mean, no.

Not until I found this monkey day spa.

But then after that, yeah, no,
I was feeling pretty cocky.

♪

[g*nshots]

♪

[MONKEY GRUNTING]

[MONKEYS HOOTING]

[SCREECHING]

[HOOTING AND SCREECHING INTENSIFIES]

[MEN LAUGHING]

[HOOTING]

[MONKEYS SCREECHING]

♪

[g*nf*re CONTINUES]

[GROWLS]

♪

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[COUGHING]

- Stupid animal.
[g*nsh*t]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

What the...

[GROWLS]

[g*nf*re CONTINUES]

[g*nf*re STOPS]

[GRUNTS]

♪

[WHIMPERING]

[BRYCE COUGHING]

Oh, that was baller, dude.

[COUGHING]

For real.

Look, I don't want to make it weird
but you and me,

we're connected.

And there's unfinished work here.

[WHEEZING]

You're gonna find the assholes
who did this to us

and do this to them.

You hear me?

Do... this... to them.

[WHIMPERS]

♪ Secret Colours' Faust playing ♪

♪

♪ Fall down ♪

♪ Get back up ♪

♪ The silent sound ♪

♪ My mind is corrupt ♪

♪ Original sin ♪

♪ Comes from within ♪

♪ Country at w*r ♪

♪ It's time to begin ♪

♪ I said stop ♪

♪ I said stop ♪

♪

♪ Stop ♪

♪

♪ Somber music playing ♪

[WHISTLING]

[WHIMPERS]

Told you this was gonna get weird.

[CHUCKLES]

MAN:
Find this monkey.

I want him erased from the face
of the g*dd*mn earth!

♪

Fate has tethered them
together for a reason.

- Whoo!
[MONKEY HOOTING]

BRYCE:
Yeah, to take out the piece of sh*t

who k*lled me and his monkey crew!

[g*nf*re]

Tell every criminal,
every thief,

everyone you know, we want
that monkey dead or alive!

Not your most subtle work,
if you're looking for thoughts and notes.

I know revenge feels good
at the moment,

but there's going to be
a lot more v*olence.

What is the first rule
of being a detective?

- Get down!
- Follow the facts.

- Look at this.
Might wanna grab your katana, dude.

It's time to get bloody.
[MONKEY GROWLING]

You didn't think
this was over, did you?

[HOOTING]

[BRYCE GROANING]

- MONKEY: Ooh.
- Nothing's ever simple.

[expl*si*n]

That monkey saved my life.

Now get your hips goin'.

Two dudes, two fates,
one awesome ride.

I don't know about you,
but I'd watch the sh*t out of that.

♪