01x04 - The Code

[bunniefuu]

Huh.

Well, this is the address.

I mean, I was expecting
a strip mall situation,

maybe a home office.

That's usually where you find
a guy called "The Accountant."

But no! Guess we're breaking
into a prison today!

And we're not even gonna get
to do all the fun stuff

that usually winds up leading to prison.

What do we even call this?

A "Reverse-Shawshank," maybe?

Eh, they never made that
into a movie, you know.

Probably because
it's such a dumb idea.

Well, I mean,
the idea itself is-is great,

but just terrible
for whoever's doing it,

because once you get in,

eh, you know,
you gotta get out.

Which is basically impossible.

I mean, that's the way
these things are designed, so...

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey. Hey.

Pump the brakes, bud.

You can't just climb over.
You know these places, they have a...

Whoa!

Ho ho ho!

Electric fence. I was gonna say
they have an electric fence.

This place is secure
as heck, huh?

Okay, word of caution.

You think people are bad
on the streets,

prison's like a hundred times worse.

No, no, no.
Don't "sure" me, alright?

We're about to enter
the sixth circle of hell.

You gotta be ruthless, man.

No hesitation. No humanity.

Or, uh, monkey-manity.

Whatever. You know what I meant.

Monkey! What the hell
are you doing?

Just k*ll the dog!

It's a dog. Nobody cares!

sh*t. Take the sh*t.

Take the sh*t!

No, no, no, no!

God damnit!

Run!

We've been here thirty seconds
and you've already lost the g*n?

I said "no hesitation"!
Did I say "no hesitation"?

Why didn't you sh**t?

I'm sorry, your code?

Oh, okay, okay, time-out. Time-out.

Listen: Living by a code is
a rookie mistake, man.

When I first started,
I told myself

I'd only k*ll people
who were gonna die anyway.

You know, like the old
and terminally ill.

Then, then, I realized,
isn't everyone gonna die anyway?

So...
I scrapped the rule,

and my income skyrocketed.

A code is just a bunch
of dumb random rules

that stop you
from doing the gig.

I mean, do you really wanna fight
with one hand tied behind your back?

I know you can use your feet too,
that's not the g*dd*mn point.

You don't want to be
the only k*ller with a code.

That's like competing
in the Tour de France

without getting all roided up.

Oh oh, hey! Look at this!

This is our lucky day!

You know, we'll just hop down here
and mosey our way

to the Central Directory
or whatever

and find The Accountant, and boom,

we'll be home
by lunch so... Dude?

Hey, dude? Where'd you...
Where are you?

Are you trolling me right now?

I just gave you
this epic speech,

and you're helping
a disgusting rat?

I wish we would have taped
that little viral video moment.

So sweet. Can we go now?

Oh!

God damnit.

Nah, you know what,
I'm not gonna say it.

It'd be too easy.
But I told you so.

Look, I don't know
what people are saying,

but for the record,

I'm not crazy.

No one's calling you crazy,
Lieutenant Ito.

I know you're feeling
a great deal of guilt

after losing your partner.

And perhaps for

other poor decisions in your past.

But you are blaming
these crimes on a,

what did you say it was?

Um. Monkey.

Monkey. Ah.

Wh-what are you writing?

Don't worry about
what I'm writing.

Hey! Ito-san!

Check it out.

Photos of the casino victims.

Look at the claw marks
on the bodies...

Haruka, we're done
with this theory.

It-it's crazy.

But all the facts point
in this direction,

and you always follow
the facts!

That's the first rule
of being a detective!

Yeah? What's the second rule?

No open-toed shoes.

Jesus Christ.

Haruka, you can't do this job

by going off some check-list.

That's a rookie mistake.

If something's true,

isn't it our obligation
to speak up?

They've put me
on administrative leave.

My only obligation
is to the bar.

Uh...

What the hell is that?

We cracked the case!

Am I still claustrophobic?

Y-you mean since yesterday?

Yes, you dickhead,

it doesn't just go away.

No, no, no,
that's bullshit.

No, everybody has a phobia.

You know, it's like, uh, HPV.

We all got it,
just nobody talks about it.

There you go!
That's fun, right?

Like an amusement park!

At least for me,
'cause I'm amused by this.

That's actually
a great look for prison.

Ah, you see?

You should have k*lled
the damn dog like I told you.

Oooh. Somebody's popular.

Hey, don't be afraid to strut
a little, you know.

Give 'em something to holler at.

Get that little monkey booty poppin'!

Gentlemen,

is there any chance

either of you may have
mistakenly entered

my private bathroom this morning?

You see, I noticed
a drop of urine

on the edge of the porcelain.

And I always lift the seat.

I mean,
it doesn't seem unreasonable

for a man to have one little place
in this hell-hole

to call his own, does it?

Does it?

Holy sh*t. Look at this!

All the info we need
to find The Accountant is right here!

I mean, we are
in the eagle's nest, baby!

I can't miss!

I mean, how great
is this, right?

Oh, oh, oh, hang in there, bud.
You got this.

You just wanna breathe
through it.

You know how many car batteries
I've been hooked up to in my life?

Oh boy, here's karma.

No! No! I'll do
whatever you say!

Nice, you gave him a taste
of his own medicine.

Now give him a full dose.

No more! No more!

Alright, come on, let's fire it up
and find our guy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, Monkey,
you're standing on the screen.

You wanna move?

Good.

Okay, so just, um...

Whoa! Whoa! No. No.

Don't paw-mash.
That's not helpful.

Oh boy.

I feel like I'm helping
my grandfather set up his TiVo.

Hallelujah.

Okay, now very carefully,

I want you to select
the top option button... No!

Ooh boy, oh boy.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths!

Okay, here we go!
We're back.

Alright, so now when we found the ledger
the address was Sugano 227.

Um, oh, there was
a number after that.

What the... what the hell was it?
It was, um...

Ohhh, this is gonna k*ll me.

Are you kidding me?
We get into a prison and now...

9621!

Still got it.
I used to count cards.

Oh yeah.
Look at this guy.

Well, if that's not The Accountant,
then I don't know what.

That's definitely him.

Oh, that's helpful!

You can't go where he is.

He's in "The Pit."

An underground cellblock
for the worst offenders.

We sealed it shut
three years ago.

He's gone totally insane.

Guy drinks
his own piss now.

Like, exclusively.

Drinks piss.
Pisses. Drinks that.

It doesn't make any sense, right?

This guy's great.

Hit him again!

We will restore
this country's tradition and honor.

Just go around.

...rule of law.

Under an Ozu administration,

we will sweep
the streets clean

and usher in a new era

of peace and prosperity.

Oh!

Oh no, no.

I'm calling a doctor.

No, no, it's just tender.

That bastard Ozu's
had it in for me

ever since I confronted him
at the Parliament building.

We've gotta do something
about this.

Well, we're definitely calling
the police.

Reporting the driver.

Driver? What is that
going to accomplish?

Ozu will just say that this assh*le
was acting on his own.

The police are in his pocket anyways.
They're totally useless!

Aah!

You know what, I'm calling everyone
I know in the press,

and I'm telling them
how he threatened you,

and then had one of his g*ons
try to run me over.

If he wants to act
like a thug,

the people have
the right to know.

Akiko, we're not gonna
start leaking stories.

You don't want to get dragged down
into the mud with them.

Trust me.

- We're in the mud!
We're in a street fight!

I've been at this
a long time.

I know revenge feels good
in the moment,

but you have to be careful.

If you go out there
making wild accusations,

we will look erratic,

and he will look reasonable.

- Well, it happened to me.
And I have a right to report it.

Not if you want
to work in this campaign.

That's my final decision.

Ugh. Fine.

I'll post extra security
outside your house tonight.

Ugh!

Am I scared?

What, do you mean by the warden's
spooky "wittle" ghost story?

Pfft. No!

I am a ghost, bitch.

He should be telling stories
about me!

Bryce: The phantom k*ller!

And his monkey sidekick!

Sidekick. You know, like his, uh,

you know, his side-piece.
His, uh, like his, uh...

I don't know, like his vice president.

Yeah, that's what you are.
It's like an assistant.

It's like an executive assistant,

and you have a w*apon
or a super power, too.

But for the most part, you're just
sort of there to make sure, uh,

I can stay focused
on my tasks.

What the? Oh sh*t!

Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.

Oh, I love this guy.

Huh...

okay.

Hey, just because
this Accountant has gone a little Manson

doesn't mean he's tougher
than the other assholes we've k*lled.

Come on. Chop chop.

Whoa-ho-ho! Yeah!

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Woo! This is fun!

You know, I hate
to be a negative Nellie,

but this may have been
a bad idea.

Hey, bud! No, no, no.
Stay down! Stay down!

Play dead! You do not want
to wake up right now.

Oh, hey look!
It's our guy!

That's The Accountant!

He kind of looks like Joe Rogan, yeah?

Ever since the m*ssacre
at the casino,

I knew someone would come.

I just didn't expect
a circus animal

in a cheap suit.

You have trespassed
into our world.

Violated our laws!

The law is all we have.

The law is what guarantees
our society will live forever.

The law

and... the candy.

These poor bastards
are addicted to candy.

Wait, no, it's dr*gs.

They're addicted to dr*gs. Duh.

Monkey,

I sentence you

to death.

Well, you shouldn't have been
your own lawyer.

That's Courtroom 101.

But because
you have proven yourself so formidable,

little Monkey,

you will have the honor

of dying in combat

with.

Fat Cobra!

Oh. Fat Cobra.

I know so many hitmen
who have d*ed trying to k*ll him.

Anyway, don't let the name fool you,
this guy's quick as lightning.

And speaking of lightning,
he sh**t it from his feet.

Yeah, he's got has like
35 illegitimate children.

Bit of a player,
you could say.

Most of his kids, though,
he actually k*lled in combat.

Which I guess made him resigned
to a life down here.

So anyway, he's really got
nothing to lose.

You know what,
I can tell this isn't helping.

So just, um,

just be fast.

Alright. Go. Get him!
Go get him!

Alright, you got this, buddy!

Try to... try to punch him
in his giant balls or something.

I don't know. Punch him
with your whole body!

Oh god, we are so screwed.

Come here!

Huh?

- Oh no, no, no! Don't do that!
Now you're just pissing him off!

Get off!

What's wrong?
You're not having fun?

Huh?

Come back,
little monkey.

Aye-aye! Use the pipe!

The one you're, like,
hanging on to, ya dipshit!

It's our only chance!

Yank down the pipe
and give that fatty a shower!

Huh?

Ah, yahtzee!

Woo! Ha ha ha,
I'm a g*dd*mn genius.

I really am. How did they
ever k*ll me? I don't get it.

We have a new champion

of the pit!

And you, Fat Cobra,

mmm, my sweet friend,

you must die.

I only fought for you because
you gave me booze, assh*le.

Oh, hey, you gotta read
the room, bud.

Uh, look, I've told you to do
a lot of rough sh*t today,

but it's not just
because I'm being a d*ck.

I mean, I am a d*ck,
but I'm trying to protect you.

Do it.

Trust me, the guy
you don't k*ll

is the one who comes back later
and kills you.

What are you doing?

Monkey, no, no, no, no!
What the hell are you doing?

What?

You stupid animal!

No one disobeys me!

For this, you shall both die!

Monkey. Let's give 'em
a show.

Whoa!

No, no, no, no.

That's my candy!

Stop him!

Oh sh*t!

Well... goodbye!

Gotta go, gotta go.

Oh sh*t!

O-o-okay, okay, okay.

I know this looks bad,

but with all the starving
and the m*rder out there,

I gotta have some "me" time.

D'uh... w-would you like a soda?

Or would you like every soda?

It's called a su1c1de.

- Don't do it.
It's probably piss.

Ah!

Ugh! N-n-no! No! Whoa! Whoa!

If this is
about Ken Takahara's m*rder,

I told The Rooster that k*lling
a politician was a mistake.

Yeah, We got Rooster,
Fat Cobra, a monkey.

What is this,
a George Orwell book?

- No. No, no, no. Really!
It's against our code!

Code? Are you kidding?

Where was your code
when you double-crossed me?

- Code my ass!
- What is this?

Wha... Ha-has this been here
the whole time?

Oh boy, here we go.

Hey, guys!

Wait, what?

This must be
the warden's secret quarters.

Oh-ho-ho, what a d*ck, huh?

That's you! That-that is
a painting of you.

It's a portrait.
You had to sit for that!

Wait! No, no, no.

Uh-uh, who-who wants a soda?

Okay, time to go.

Whoa! Holy sh*t!

Okay, to the chute!
Come on, we'll crawl back up!

What the hell? Now what?

k*ll them all
if you have to! I don't care.

Just find me that Monkey!

Boy, that dog is like
a bad penny, in't he?

Yeah, yeah, okay. Just follow
Templeton here and let's go.

Oh-oh-okay, but, you know,
it's probably not even the same rat.

How you doin'?

sh*t.

Literally. sh*t.

This is where having
a code gets ya.

Hey, hey! We made it!

You are definitely gonna have
pink-eye. B-T-dubbs.

Freedom! Ha ha ha!

I guess we could have gone
that way, too.

Looks like your rat buddy
wasn't such a big help after all...

Look, a lot of stuff
happened today.

I don't think we should try to draw
any big lessons from it.

I wouldn't say
anything's been proved...

...or not proved.

God damnit.

Okay.

Fine. I admit it.

In certain situations, yes,
having a code isn't the worst idea,

as long as you can break it
when it suits you.

But-but you can't be
all crazy about it.

Eh, you know,
it has to be simple.

You're only going to k*ll K*llers?

A k*ller of K*llers. Huh.

You know what, that actually sounds
pretty badass,

but you can't just give yourself
your own nickname.

Alright? You know, I just can't
call myself "Horse Cock."

Other people gotta call me that.
That's why it stuck.

Oh! Look who's feeling
confident tonight.

You might want
to watch out for the...

Oh.

I know she's
the only human you trust,

but maybe it's a little early
in the relationship

to show up covered
in literal sh*t.

But you know what?
She probably won't even notice.

She'll be too freaked out
by the fact

that a savage animal's
lurking in her yard.

Ooh, see that's revenge.

So the best advice I can give you is
when she starts throwing stuff

just stand your ground and try to look
as friendly as possible.

That always worked for me.

Oh, sweet Jesus,

you scared
the sh*t out of me.

Oh.

Hey there.

You, uh... you want
something to eat?

- Yes! The answer is "yes."
Nod your head.

I'm actually
really glad you came.

I never got the chance to thank you
for what you did at the funeral.

It all happened so fast,
and I remember being so scared,

and... then there you were

and, well...

Thank you.

Ugh!

He gets a little nervous.

Whoa!

Pump the breaks, bud!

Sir, there's a riot
at Sugano prison.

They need backup!

M-O-N-K-E-Y. Monkey.

Hey, Haruka.

Remind me.

What is the first rule
of being a detective?

Follow... the... facts.