03x19 - Richard Youngsta

[bunniefuu]

Dre: At home, I'm just a regular guy.

♪ And this brother
stopped me and asked me ♪

I drink my coffee,
tousle a child's hair,

kiss my beautiful wife goodbye,

and then I'm off to my
job in the big city.

But around here...

♪ I'm like that doll Chuckie, baby ♪

♪ Keep comin' back to live
love life like I'm crazy ♪

I'm a superhero.

♪ Keep it movin', risin' to the top ♪

And so what if I can't
catch b*ll*ts, fly,

or do an unassisted pull-up?

[Grunts]

I'm working on that. It's very hard.

Okay.

The important thing is,
I can do something better.

I really know black people,

and I know what they want.

And that's a real superpower.

Black consumers will spend
around $ . trillion this year.

If we were a country,
that spending power

would make us the th
largest GDP in the world.

Right after Spain and just
before Mexico is Blackonia...

A glorious nation with no credit checks,

the colors of the flag
are gold and platinum,

and the national anthem
is "Girlfriend" by Pebbles.

♪ Girlfriend

White people trust me to tell them

about black people and what they want.

And that's why there's
a huge opportunity

for your beverages in the urban market.

And I've lined up just
the talent to help us.

Rich Youngsta!

Yo, what's up, white people?
I'm gonna need a big-ass check.

♪

I'm afraid I don't know who you are.

I'm so glad someone else said it first.

Oh, my God! [Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep]

Rich Youngsta! [Laughs]

- One for the 'gram?
- Oh, okay, everybody. He's legit.

Charlie's Instagram only features people

that have been on the cover of Essence

[whispers] the magazine.

Rich Youngsta is a famous rapper.

Well, in that case, outstanding!

Welcome to the team, Mr. Youngsta.

Okay. And hugging. Nice. [Laughs]

Go lock my office. Copy that.

Hey, guys, it's almost dinnertime.

How does pasta sound?

Depends. What shape
noodles are we talking?

Penne.

- You know I'm off tubes.
- Oh, right.

- I want grilled cheese.
- Okay.

I'm gluten-free and not doing
dairy every other Monday.

And here we go.

Can my pasta be a hamburger?

I'll have a hamburger
with cheese, but no meat.

And can the bun be regular bread
grilled in a pan with butter?

That's a grilled cheese, dude.

I thought I was being subtle.

It's fine. Let's just order in.

Maybe order in a backbone.

It's one dinner, Bow, for everyone.

- That's how it's done.
- Not here.

Ooh. Does Chinese sound good?

Junior: You guys do whatever you want.

I'm just gonna get my
own thing from Umami.

Ooh, I want Urth Café.

They don't deliver.

- I'll just do Postmates.
- Ooh.

Have them do a second stop at Sugarfish.

Sushi, hamburgers, Chinese.

Which place delivers good parenting?

[Whispers] Failure.

You know, it's not
every day that a client

wants to put this much
money into a campaign.

How much money are they talking?

Enough for me to pack
up and leave my family?

I'll do it.

Charlie, you don't have to do that.

No, no, I'm gonna do it.

Just tell me how much money it is later.

You know, all we have to do now
is introduce Uvo to the world.

It's not just for New Year's or mimosas.

Drink it anytime.

I put it on my bagels and my oatmeal.

What? It makes everything better.

Everything? What about my divorce?

Just put some Uvo on it.

Hmm.

What about those gym shoes?

Put a g*ng of Uvo on them.

Unh-unh. Drown them in Uvo.

[Laughter] These are orthopedic.

[Laughter]

Ooh, w-what about driving a hooptie?

Put some Uvo on it.

Your girl's hair won't grow?

All: Put some Uvo on it!

Mm! Hey, fellas, I think we
onto something right now.

We just put some Uvo
on the Uvo campaign.

My check is gonna be so huge.

And this is good because?

- Because why?
- 'Cause I love that money.

- [Laughs]
- Ah.

So Rich Youngsta and I
cut together a demo.

It was met with mixed reactions.

Some people loved it,
and some people really loved it.

Both: Dre! Dre! Dre! Dre!

That is outstanding!

- Wow!
- I pulled a muscle pumping my fist.

And you know Charlie helped, too!

Charlie!

Charlie.

Based on these guys' reactions,

I could tell this might be huge.

"Put some Uvo on it" was going
to be my "Snap, Crackle, Pop."

I couldn't wait to show the family.

All right, family. Good news.

We gonna be rich!

All: Whoo!

Bad news, y'all ain't gonna
be able to live up to this.

Because my shoes are just
way too big to fill.

What if I wrap my feet in newspapers?

Aw, buddy.

All right, guys,
feast your eyes on this.

Rainbow: All right.

Yo, Rich Youngsta,
I'm not feeling these pancakes.

[Cork pops]

Put some Uvo on it.

Word!

♪ It makes everything better ♪

♪

New Uvo!

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ You know

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Ahhhh

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Ahhhh

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Ahhhhh

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Drink it straight with no chaser ♪

♪ Liquor got the party lit

♪ She got the way that
it's makin' her feel ♪

♪ You wanna get faded,
girl, come over here ♪

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Ahhhh

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Just that Uvo, Uvo

♪ Put some Uvo on it

- [Applause]
- Mm!

So what'd y'all think, huh?

- Yay.
- Huh?

- Dad?
- Yeah?

That was so awesome!

Okay, give it up top, son.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Yeah, I think I felt feelings.

I'm actually not embarrassed by you.

I'm withholding praise.

Hurts, doesn't it?

Actually, it does.

Oh, my God. I-I'm so sorry, Dad.

You should be. I-I don't
know why I did that.

I-I love the commercial, and I love you.

We should have lunch together,
just us, on me.

Yeah. Thank you. Okay, Bow?

Yeah? Mama? Can I get my praise?

Um, magnificent. Really something.

Yeah, you know what?
Kids, could you excuse us

so we can tell your father how
proud we are of him in private?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah, and I don't want you guys
to hear all the compliments.

[Both laugh]

Yeah.

What? What? What?

Dre, he was dancing around,

giving out chains and sneakers,

and then he poured
champagne on a black woman

and turned her white!

Uh, the intonation of your
compliment sounds weird.

Ooh, you got us looking like
a bunch of ignorant [bleep]

Also weird-sounding praise.

Dre, seriously, you don't
see a problem with that?

With what everyone who's seen enjoys?

No, I don't see a problem with that.

Well, that's the problem.
Let me help you out.

[Janine laughs]

♪

This is hilarious!

I mean, I thought Tyler Perry was funny!

Don't get me wrong,
this is better than Madea,

but still similar to Madea.

Like, you could say both of
them in the same breath.

It's like, "Oh, have you seen

the new 'Put Some Uvo On It' ad?"

"Yeah, I did. It's funny in the
exact same way that Madea is funny."

[Laughs]

♪ Put some Uvo on it

♪ Put some Uvo on it

- Still cool?
- ♪ Put some Uvo on it

- ♪ Put some Uvo on it
- Mm-hmm.

♪ Ooh, put some Uvo on it ♪

♪ Ooh, put some Uvo on it ♪

So, Dre, how did that feel,

having Janine laugh at your commercial?

The same woman whose "Welcome
to the neighborhood" basket

was a mixed dark-meat
bucket from Popeye's.

Mm-hmm.

- Pretty good.
- Really, Dre?

Because it felt really uncomfortable

for me to watch her laugh at that.

Never thought I'd see this day.

My son's a Stepin Fetchit!

What?!

- Mm-hmm.
- How am I Stepin Fetchit?

He sold out his whole race
just to be in the damn movies,

with all that mumbling and
shuffling and carrying on.

Yeah, you know what, Dre?
You a like a Stepin Fetchit...

Really?

"whose popular character dubbed

"the laziest man in the
world" set the blueprint

for the 'co*n archetype'

and perpetuated an
abysmal representation

of the African-American
post-Reconstruction.

- He was denounced by the NAACP...
- Mm-hmm.

- And found himse..."
- Okay, Bow. Okay.

I know who Lincoln Perry is, all right?

But what you're not reading
off the Internet...

- Mm-hmm.
- is that he was the first black actor

to earn $ million.

"The first black actor to
get an on-screen credit,

as he broke down Hollywood
barriers at a time

when roles for us
weren't that plentiful.

- And he was a philanthropist, giving..."
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Okay. All right.
- Yes. Uh-huh.

- Are you defending him, Dre?
- I...

All I'm saying is that without
Lincoln Perry paving the way,

we might not have a Denzel.

And all I'm saying is,
without Stepin Fetchit,

I might be comfortable napping
in front of white folk.

- What?
- Eh.

So disappointed with you, baby.

Okay. It's easy for
you to criticize now,

but that man did what he
had to do with what he had.

Just like I'm trying to do.

Just like Tyler Perry is trying to do.

You want to make me feel
bad that my commercial

is mentioned in the same
breath as Tyler Perry.

Uh, yeah. Kind of.

Well, I don't,

and he's the perfect example
of the double standard.

If Adam Sandler makes a movie
that the critics don't love,

he's not accused of bringing
down all Jewish people.

I promise you that if Josh
were to make that commercial

with Justin Bieber,
he would win all kinds of awards.

And good for him, Dre.

But you have a different burden.

As a black man in advertising,

Dre, you can't mess around
with stuff like this.

As a black man in advertising,
I don't get the opportunities,

so I got to go for it.

And... And we're very proud of you, Dre.

'Cause this is...

Look...

I just want the freedom as an artist

to tell the stories that I need to tell.

[Laughing] Oh, my God. Okay.

Dre, you had a man pour
champagne down his crotch.

♪

Nice work, Vincent van Sellout.

Few artists are understood
in their lifetime, Bow!

Just like Kanye!

Oh!

Hey, I knew you were busy,

so I made dinner for my grandbabies.

Wow. That is so nice.
I was just gonna order piz...

And if you pay attention,

you might learn how to
raise them properly.

Kids, come on! It's dinnertime.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!

- Wait.
- You made dinner already?

But we didn't tell you what we want.

Uh, that's because I
don't care what you want.

You see, kids, in my day,
there was only one thing to eat.

And if we didn't like it,
we had to sit at the table

until we learned to like it.

So, tonight, we're eating
meatloaf, squash, or...

nothing.

But I don't like meatloaf.

Do you like nothing?

Junior: Well, is the meatloaf organic?

Not as organic as nothing.

- Come on, Grandma.
- I really had a taste for sushi.

Then help yourself to
a spicy nothing roll.

Okay, in all seriousness,
I'm allergic to squash.

Then I suggest you get
comfortable at that table.

Because in my day,
there was no food allergies.

Junior actually is allergic.

People only say they're allergic
to things they don't like.

Like how I told Davis
I'm allergic to latex.

Come on, Grandma. I'm practically a man.

You're not really gonna
make me stay at the table

like a little kid.

[Laughs]

I should eat this and die.

Then she'll be sorry.

What are you doing?

Why are you still sitting here?

Grandma won't let me leave the
table until my plate is clean.

- Oh, come on.
- Where have you been?

- What?
- I've been trying to call you

through the psychic
bond you told me we had

when I was too scared to go to camp.

Oh, yes.

That is totally real.

And I... I felt you tugging on my soul.

That's why I came downstairs.

You must be starving, sweetie.

I'm gonna make you something
that's not gonna k*ll you.

- Ruby: Weak!
- What?

You're weak, Rainbow.

- Where the...
- And you begat weak,

allergy-ridden children.

Leave my mother alone!

Thank you, sweetheart.

Uh, oop. Nosebleed.

- See?
- Oh.

Okay, sweetie.

♪

I see you have
that sweet Escalade outside.

I was wondering if you could
help me move this weekend.

But before you answer,
yes, there are stairs,

and I'm moving because I'm in danger.

Yeah, sure. Just text me.

I... I don't have your number.

Yeah, you too, bro. [Chuckles]

Ha ha! Rich Youngsta!

Yo, man, yo.

I showed my agents the commercial.

- Yeah.
- They flipped.

They were talking about
more sponsorship,

film stuff, guest starring
on "Sesame Street."

With Elmo?

With all of those furry,
fuzzy [bleep] [bleep] man!

Ah, Man! I knew this
was gonna blow up, man!

My wife didn't know what
she was talking about.

Called me a sellout.

Should have put some Uvo on her.

I should have put some Uvo on her.

[Laughter]

Yeah, man, you know,
they say you ain't really made it

until you got some haters.

Well, I got haters. [Laughs]

The girl twin. Malia Obama.
Mississippi. Siri.

The guys that's after me.

You know what they say,

you're nobody till everybody
wants to hurt you.

Charlie, nobody says that.

Okay, Dre.

[Scoffing]

♪

Look at my children,
just happily eating the dinner

that their pregnant doctor-mother made.

I'm not saying I'm a hero,

but if there were to be
a statue made of me,

it would look like this.

[Laughter]

- Right?
- Junior: Mm-hmm.

'Cause you made one dish
that everybody's eating

and you didn't bribe them?

She didn't have to.

This is delicious.

Rainbow: Thank you.
Are you surprised, Ruby?

I mean, I made them a
vegetable lasagna with love

and a little elbow grease and
a whole lot of mushrooms.

I don't eat mushrooms.

[Gasps] You don't eat mushrooms?

- What?
- You don't say?

You know I don't eat mushrooms.

Yes, I do.

Grandma, if you're not gonna eat this,
then check the microwave.

Why? What's in there?

Nothing.

All: Oh!

Oh, yeah!

Boom!

That's my boy.

Well played, well played.

Wait. Uh, Grandma, I thought
you said that in your day,

there was only one thing to eat.

And if you didn't like it,

then you had to sit there until you did.

Yeah. I remember her saying that.

Well, sweetie, that rule
only applies to children.

Oh, yes, but, Ruby,

I just think we owe it to the children

to lead by example.

[Stammers]

♪

You'll never break me!

You hear me?! I'll die here!

Rainbow: Prove it, Ruby!

My commercial hadn't even aired,

and it was already paying off.

Oh, guess who got the Stevens & Lido box

at the STAPLES Center tonight?

- Nice. Let's see.
- Uh! Sorry. You're not going.

These tickets are reserved
for people who believe in me.

How did you find someone?

My children.

- Oh.
- Children!

Come hither!

♪ Oh, put some Uvo on it

Oh, no. I got a "D"?

[Laughs] Put some Uvo on it.

Jack, knock it off.

Twin sister talking back?

Put some Uvo on it.

- Jack!
- ♪ Oh

Stop.

What? I was just putting some Uvo on it.

♪

Penny for your thoughts?

I had created a phenomenon.

"Put some Uvo on it" was
going to be the next thing

you hated to hear frat boys say.

Hey, guys. I just want
to give you a heads-up.

♪ Put some Uvo on it

No. I need you to know that...

♪ That you're gonna put some Uvo on it ♪

♪ Put some Uvo on it

Stevens, I made some changes to the...

- Hold on one second.
- Hey, Jared. Welcome, welcome.

Hey, let me tell you,

you're about to get your world
rocked by this man right here.

Spoiler alert... he put some Uvo on it.

- ♪ Put some Uvo on it ♪
- He put some Uvo on it

- All right.
- Thank you, guys, for coming in.

Now, please, please, have a seat.

I think you're gonna be very pleased

with what we've put
together for you today.

Take a look at the screen.

♪

♪ The biz, the business

- What?
- ♪ : in the morning

What is this?

Dre, nobody's putting Uvo on anything.

Okay, well, we thought
about it, all right,

and we decided to go in
a different direction.

- What?
- Thought about what?

I might have helped,
but I'm gonna wait and see

how this all goes down.

♪ All night

♪ So right, girl

♪ Girl, act like you know me

♪ All night

♪ Don't you be on that bull

♪ All night

♪ All night

Uvo. Taste the good life.

All right, guys. That's it.

So, what do you think?

[Whispering indistinctly]

♪

Ruby, my victory strut does not
work if you're not watching.

You want me to tell you
that you won, is that it?

Yes. That would be very nice.

Okay.

Come on, Ruby. I never get to win.

Winning's an ugly color on you.

- So is red.
- Wha...

You know what, Ruby?
You started this whole thing.

You told me I was a
bad parent, a failure!

Yeah, and all those
things are true, too.

- N...
- You make those kids whatever they want.

You let them order out

and now they don't want
any of my cooking.

Wait. This is about you?

Rainbow, after all this time,

you should know, it's always about me.

Cooking was the only
thing I had around here,

the thing that made me feel good.

And you took that away from me.

Oh, my goodness. Ruby.

Cooking's my main
connection to these kids.

I'm not interested in
their emotional lives

or what they do at school.

Well, why didn't you just
tell me that you need this?

- I don't need this!
- Okay.

I don't need anything, Rainbow!

Okay, okay.

Well, um, uh, if... if
you would like to do

a little more
of the cooking around here,

I would really appreciate that.

Because you're a failure?

[Exhales deeply] S-Sure. Sure.

- I knew it.
- Mm-hmm.

- You're barely hanging on.
- [Chuckles]

I'm the one that's keeping
those babies alive.

- [Laughs sarcastically]
- Yeah.

Yeah. This isn't quite the
way I saw any of this going.

Whoo.

So... what'd they think of the new ad?

They thought...

[Ring clatters]

- They loved it!
- Ahh! Really?

They said it was elegant, tasteful,

and perfect for their product.

So, they didn't miss the
part where you changed

the loud-mouthed black woman
for the doting white woman?

No, but I'm starting to miss it now.

- Very funny.
- [Chuckles]

All right, look, Bow, you were right.

That's two wins today. Two!

You're such a good, good girl.

I'm sorry. What were you saying?

I was saying that I was caught up

because I made a very funny
video and I was proud of myself.

Mm.

But somewhere along the way,

I forgot that I was a
black man in America,

and I don't get to play
by the same rules.

Dre, you have every right

to want the same creative
freedom as anybody else.

Yeah, but then I saw Jack,

and all of a sudden,
I wasn't an ad man anymore.

- I was a father.
- Yeah.

And I have to double and triple think

every depiction of our people.

That is a lot of responsibility.

Well, hey, babe, with great power

comes great responsibility.

That is true.

That's why I'm kind of like a superhero.

Of course you are.

I have the power to know
what my people want,

but the responsibility to
give them what they need.

Yes, Dre.

And right now, I'm about
to give you what you need.

You want to put some Uvo on it?

Uh...

Huh? You want to put some Uvo on it?

Baby, y-you're pregnant.
That's a terrible idea.

- Because...
- What?

that stuff gave the actors rashes.

- [Gasps] No!
- Yes.

Junior, have you seen my keys?
I can't find them anywhere.

Actually, I've hidden them in an attempt

to test our psychic bond.

Not now, Junior. There's an
emergency at the hospital.

I do not have time for this.

I knew you were gonna say that!

- What?
- We're halfway there.

Okay, I'm just gonna call an Uber.

I've also hidden your cellphone.

- You did what?
- Come on, Mom.

- No. No.
- You can do... You can do it!

Okay.

Are you even trying?