06x17 - Multiple Plots

[bunniefuu]

Hey, babe. Have a seat,

'cause I am making my man
a good, hearty breakfast.

Oh, you know what?
I'm not gonna have time.

I'm gotta get in early.

Why?

Well, Mark Donovan--

you met him. You know,
the driver with the weird ear?

Don't know him.

Sure you do. You know, it's all
folded up like a fortune cookie.

I'm going to be
honest with you, hon.

You work with a lot of freaks.

Anyway, he's getting
transferred,

and all of a sudden,
I got a whole new route.

All right. Well, I guess I'll
just give these to my dad.

You know what? I'll just
eat 'em in the car.

Beautiful.

Wait a minute.

How are you gonna
eat pancakes,

drink coffee, and drive?

I've eaten won ton soup

driving through San Francisco
on a motorcycle.

I think I can handle
a couple flapjacks.

Could you get the door?

Thank you.

Darling,

I was wondering what
arrangements you've made

vis-à-vis your
final resting place.

None. I don't plan
on checking out just yet.

Ah. That's exactly
what my boyhood friend

Freddy gimple used to say

until someone shoved him
under the "I" train.

Bet that left a mark.

Of course it left a mark.

He was hit by a locomotive.

OK. What's
your point here, dad?

My point is shady acres.

I have a wonderful
plot for sale,

and I'd like to offer you
first cr*ck at it.

I purchased his-and-her plots
for me and Lily,

and after the divorce,
I got stuck with them,

and unless the people
at Jake and the Fat man

finally decide to buy one of
my ideas, I can't afford both.

OK. When I die, I want
to be buried next to Doug.

Oh, please. Like you kids
are gonna make it.

Hey, Arthur. Are you ready
for your walk?

Quite ready.

Hey, listen, Carrie,
can I ask you something?

Sure.

Um, I know you've been
out of work for a while,

and-well, I was
just thinking

I have a lot of people
who need their dogs walked,

and I can't handle them
all, and-I'm probably

way of out line. I mean,
I know you were like

a big secretary
and everything.

Oh, no, no, no, it's not
that. It's just that

I don't really want
to be a dog walker.

You know? I mean,
I don't think

I'm quite that desperate
yet. Ha ha!

Not that there's
anything wrong

with being a dog walker.

I mean, I'm pretty sure
it wasn't your life dream,

am I right? Heh heh!

Or if it is, then you
are living it, girl.

Well, I just thought I'd ask.

You know, you can make
like bucks a day.

OK, calm down! OK, ow!

Hang on! Hang on!

Hello.

Hi. Uh...

Did I come at a bad time?

Not at all.

All right.
Then if you could just

give me your quick
John han-ahem-cock,

I'll be on my way.

Ooh, great. These must
be Sally's feet.

Huh?
Don't call the police.

I'm a doll doctor.

I take broken dolls
and make them whole again.

Oh. That's, uh...
Pretty creepy.

OK, if you could
just sign here.

Sure.

Oh! Mr. Belvedere!

Say hello to our new IPS guy!

Hey, why don't you
show him your dance?

He loves to dance.

Come on! Whoo! Shake it!

Whoa!
Oh! Almost lost it.

Yeah. Could you just
sign this, please?

OK.

I get a lot of packages.

You and I are gonna be
tied at the hip.

Whoo-oh!
Almost lost her again.

All right, then.
Take care now.

Hey, your pen!
Nah, keep it!

OK, Arthur. What's this
opportunity of a lifetime?

You'll see in a moment.

Just lie back like this.

Why?

Just do it.

Now what?

Picture me and you like
this till the sun burns out.

What are you talking about?

Shady acres. Turns out I
have an extra burial plot,

and I'd like to offer
you first cr*ck at it.

OK. No offense, Arthur,

but I plan on being
married some day.

I'm gonna want to be
buried next to my wife.

Well, that plan seems
right on track.

You're and living
with an iguana.

Hey, I'm ,
and Allen is my dog!

All right, Arthur,
I'm not gonna buy

the burial plot next to you.

You're gonna have to
find someone else.

Hey, mom!

I come bearing pants. Ooh.

Arthur! What a pleasant surprise.

Yes. Veronica.

How come you never took me up

on my dinner invitation?

I'm sorry. I was in
Greenland doing research.

Greenland.
How was that?

Quite nice. Turns out it's
actually more of a bluish green.

Oh. Go try on
your pants.

Let me know if there's
enough room in the crotch.

Mom!

He knows you have
a crotch. Go!

So, what's this I hear about

you selling a cemetery plot?

Because I haven't
made any arrangements

for myself yet.

Right.

Have you considered burial
at sea? It's all the rage.

No! I'm
an old-fashioned girl.

Now, see, this place
looks very nice.

Well, you know,
it's very expensive.

Oh! How much?

, , U.S.

The timing is perfect!

I just got a $ , settlement

for a botched tummy tuck.

How fortuitous.

Mmm!

Well...

Welcome to shady acres.

OK, finish it up.

I know women who've given
birth faster than this.

Finally!

Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go!

Hey, lady, pick up after
your dog! It's the law!

Oh, is it? Is there
a law against that haircut?

'Cause there should be.

OK, let's go.
Let's go!

Carrie?

Hey, guys.

Hey.

How are you?

I'm good. Really good.

I should throw this out.

So, how are things
at the firm?

Great. Great.

Everybody misses you.

Looks like you're
keeping busy.

Yeah. You know, getting
fired was the best thing

that ever happened
to me, you know?

Yeah, I need a little
break from the law thing,

so now I'm doing
a little dog walking.

Awesome.
Yeah.

This one's cute.
What's his name?

Uh, I don't know,

but I call him sir poopsalot.

And then we got
humpy and stupid

and pees-when-you-
touch-him.

Anyway, I should-
I should get going.

Should get these guys home
and still have

enough time to stick
my head in the oven, so...

Let's go. Let's go.

Great seeing you!
Uh-huh!

What's up with you?

Towel guy again.

days in a row,
the guy answers the door,

nothing but a towel.

It's not like he's even
coming out of the shower.

He's not even wet.

And you'd rather see him wet?

I don't know, OK?

All I'm saying is
one day's he's gonna

get sloppy
with that towel tuck,

that towel's gonna
hit the floor and...

I'm in an Italian deli.

Well, I'm actually
with Doug on this one.

When I was -ahem.

I saw my grandmother
naked once.

To this day,
it still haunts me.

What, did you walk in
on her in the bathroom?

No. Me and my brother
hid in her closet.

Come on, pants.
Come on, pants!

Hey, you're late today.
Excuse the appearance.

I'm doing my baking.
I gotta wash up.

I've got some fudge
on my hands. Come on in.

Mama!

Oh, my God!

Hey, Doug?
Yeah, yeah?

Could you do me a favor? Sure.

I got a box of hair
up on the top shelf

I need to get. Will you
hold the ladder for me?

Oh, uh, OK.
Yeah, sure.

Hey, while you're down there,
will you grab my package?

What?!

The package
you just brought me.

I want to put it away
while I'm up here.

Ohh!

Thank you, God!

Would you throw a damn card?

Relax.

By the way, you should try
the cookies. They're delicious.

You know what else
is delicious? Gin.

$ . .

When you have it.

Hey, Arthur, you ready?

Yes. Thanks for the lift.
I'll just grab my coat.

Oh, Arthur?

Evelyn.

I saw your flyer. Is your plot
at shady acres still available?

Why, yes, it is.

Oh, wonderful!

It is wonderful.

And you are wonderful.

Arthur, what are you doing?

Nothing. He's my driver.

Let's put a pin in this until
tomorrow's pottery class.

OK!

You sold that plot
to my mother!

Deal's off.

You can't do that!

But Evelyn was
miss Yonkers .

I don't care.
That's my mom's plot.

Look, I have a chance to walk

into the pearly gates
with a bombshell.

Just tell your mother
she'll have to work it out.

No, Arthur, all right?

Being dead next to you
is all she can talk about.

She's at the cemetery now
checking it out.

If you're gonna crush
her dream, do it yourself.

You see that building
over there?

Across the river?

That's the building
where I used to work.

Yeah, that's right.

And not once
in all my time there

did anybody ever throw up
and try to eat it.

Wow. How'd you get
so many dogs?

Oh, they're not mine.
I'm just walking them.

I wish I had one, but
my mom won't let me.

You like dogs, do you?

Yeah.

Well, you know, uh,
I just might be willing

to let you walk mine.

Really?
Yeah.

And not just once.
How about every Monday,

Wednesday, and Friday?
How's that sound?

Well, I do have Hebrew school.

All right, listen. If you're
not serious about this,

I can find somebody
who is, OK?

No, no, no, no!
I'll do it.

All right.

Well, if all goes well
and you meet me back here

in hours sharp,
I will give you...

A dollar!

Thanks.
Yeah.

I would've done it for free.

Damn it.

All right, well, here you go.

Here's the poop bags
right there,

and then there's their treats,

and one of them gets the
pill. I don't know which one,

but I've just been
giving it to that one.

He seems to like it.
All right, there you go.

Now get on out of here.
Have a good time.

We'll see you in a little bit.

Bye-bye! Scoot, scoot!

Hey, what's up, player?

Yeah, how's it going?

You got any change? 'Cause
I'm a little short here.

You got change?

Very funny, guys.
Very mature, yeah.

Uh, Mr. O'Boyle, I really
need to talk to you.

Yeah, OK, well, you know,
I'll just tell corporate

that I couldn't get
the quarterlies done

because Heffernan really
needed to talk to me.

What?

I was just wondering
if there's any way

I could stop delivery
to meridian street.

Why is that?

Well, the guy who lives there,

he always answers
the door in a towel.

Oh, for God sakes!

Heffernan,
it's called a turban.

You remember anything
from sensitivity training?

No, no, no. The towel's
around his waist.

Oh. So?

I don't know.
It's just-it's weird.

Oh. OK, so you don't
want to deliver

to weird people anymore, huh?

Well, you know, maybe you should
just make up a list of people

that you'd be willing
to deliver to,

and then I can work
around you. How about this?

Just supermodels and bakeries.

I'm not asking that.
I mean, I wouldn't

fight you on it,
either--

Heffernan, I can't
help you out here.

I mean, if the guy had
a vicious dog or something,

then maybe I could do
something for you.

You know, he does-
he does have a dog.

Is he vicious?

Yeah.

OK. Why didn't you
just say so, then?

You don't have to go making up
stories about a guy in a towel.

Fill out this - , you
don't have to go there anymore.

Great. Well, thanks
a lot, Mr. O'Boyle.

No, no, no.
No, no, no!

You're new here.
You haven't earned that!

Veronica, there you are.

Oh, Arthur, hi!

It's so lovely here.

What a place to die.

What cemetery are you at?

The grass hasn't been mowed.
There's poor drainage.

I have no choice but to
give you a full refund.

Oh, don't be ridiculous!
I love it here.

You'll love it till it rains

and you're floating
down the expressway.

Oh, stop!

Look, you can't have the plot.

What are you talking about?

I met someone else.

Who?
Evelyn Ross.

You may know her
as miss Yonkers .

I don't believe this.

I already paid you.

And here's your money back.

Where's the rest?

You'll get it when I return

a now slightly used
mustache groomer

to hammacher-schlemmer.

Oh, right. That sounds like
another one of your lies,

like when you said
you were in Greenland.

I was in Greenland!

I saw you in waldbaum's!

I had days off!

You know...

I understand that you hate me.

What I don't get is
that when you're dead,

what difference does it
make who you're next to?

Open your ears!
She's miss Yonkers!

Veronica.

You'll find
another plot, I know.

What do you care, anyway?

I care very deeply.

Here's one.
Beautiful spot.

Right to next to bill Johnson.

Huh?

Bill Johnson? I knew
a bill Johnson years ago.

I wonder if it's the same one?

Of course it's the same one.

How many bill Johnsons
could there be?

Oh! You know,
way back when,

bill and I actually had a
little thing for each other,

but we were both
too shy to act on it.

Well, better late than never.

I say we go to the office

and see what we can do

to get you
in this grave today.

Carrie?

Oh.

Hey, Hol. What are you
doing here?

Don't you usually
walk your dogs

at the park on hillside?

I do, but they found
a body there,

so we thought we'd try something
new. Where are your dogs?

Uh, oh!

They were here a minute ago.

All right, you guys!

I'm gonna count to !
This isn't funny!

They're only messing with
me 'cause you're here.

Speaking of you, you look
great. Is that tan real?

Hi, Mrs. Heffernan.

Hey! What are you
doing with my dogs?

Walking them.
You paid me to.

Tsk! No one likes
a liar, son.

Shouldn't you be
in Hebrew school?

OK, Carrie, what is
going on here?

That's what I'd like to know.

Carrie!

All-yeah, all right,
you want to know

what's going on?
I hate this, OK?

That's what's going on!

I hate dogs. I hate poop.
I hate outside.

So you're pawning them
off on a -year-old?

Look, he is better
at this than I am.

I mean, he walks them
and washes them,

and he does it all
for a dollar a day.

A dollar a day?

Mm-hmm!

Look, it's my job,
pal, all right?

Please! Please!
I'll give you a doll!

I'm just trying to do
my job here, all right?

You can't take my dog!

This is so unfair!
You cannot take my dog!

I'm sorry, sir.
No, please!

What's going on?

Doug, they're trying to
take Mr. Belvedere away!

Someone filed a complaint.
They said he bit someone.

They're gonna
put him to sleep!

This guy wouldn't
do that, would you?

Me? No.
That's Bruce's job.

This is-this is crazy.

Mr. Belvedere
isn't vicious.

He's a sweetheart.

Aren't you, Mr. Belvedere?
Aren't you--

oh, God!
Is he biting you?

Oh, no. We're just playing
a little game of clampsy.

Oh, jeez, he's going
for the high score now.

Look at that!
All right!

You want-
you want to try?

No, no, thank you.

OK! Rematch later.

Look, someone reported
him. I gotta do this.

Oh!

All right, look,
it was me, all right.

What?

I put in the complaint.

But why? He's been
nothing but good to you.

He danced for you!
Why would you do that?

Because you come
to the door in a towel!

So you k*ll my dog?!

Not me. Bruce.

Look, you gotta
let the dog go.

All right? I officially
withdraw my complaint.

OK. And the next time you
two have a lovers' spat,

leave animal control
out of it.

It's OK, Mr. Belvedere. I
know you didn't bite anybody.

Actually, he did. He bit
me pretty good just now.

Oh, my God!
You're bleeding.

Here, take my towel.

Oh!

Evelyn, I don't understand.
I thought we had a deal.

Well, Arthur,
it's just that, um,

well, I've met someone else.

And I think I would prefer
to be buried with him.

I see. Well,
follow your heart.

And I certainly hope
you both die very soon.

Arthur? Time for
your walk.

Tell me, son, have you
made your arrangements

for the hereafter? Because
I got a plot for sale,

and I'd like to give you
first cr*ck at it.