01x01 - Never Meet Your Heroes

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Hawkeye". Aired: November 24, 2021 - present.*
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Mini-series based on the Marvel Comics superhero Hawkeye, centering around Clint & Kate.
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01x01 - Never Meet Your Heroes

Post by bunniefuu »

(MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: Needed their signatures.

MAN: I'm telling you,
it's not a problem.

We just have to wait a little longer.
The market's gonna turn around

and everything will be fine.

Okay. We have to sell the penthouse.

No. We don't.

- That's, that's...
- What? An actual solution?

Maybe growing up in this place,
you got used to the idea

that a solution will just fall
out of the sky. But it won't.

You've got a daughter to think of.

I've got it under control, Eleanor.

(THUDDING)

ELEANOR: (WHISPERS) Damn it. (SIGHS)

Do you want to?

Who are we kidding? You go.

(SIGHS)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Kate?

Coming in.

You shouldn't eavesdrop.

Then how would I know what
you're saying when I'm not there?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I don't know how to argue with that.

How much did you hear?

I don't want to move.

That much, huh?

- We don't have to.
- How do you know?

Mommy said things
don't just fall from the sky.

Well, yeah, but there's
always gonna be weather.

Some people forget
the one thing they can control,

the choices they make in the face of it.

What would you do in a hurricane?

I would do what I always do.

Protect you.

Now, why don't you go have
some lunch with your mom?

Think fast.

I'll be downstairs in my office.

ELEANOR: Mommies can be
pretty fun, too, you know.

I bet you didn't know I could do this.

(LAUGHING)

Made you smile.

Come on.

Why don't you go grab the Checkers?
We can liven things up.

- All right. Yeah.
- Yeah?

Okay, I'm going downstairs,
I'll be right back.

KATE: Okay.

(WHOOSHING)

(SOFT THUD)

(expl*si*n)

Mommy! (PANTING)

Mommy? Mommy, what's happening?

Mommy!

Daddy, where are you?

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Dad?

Dad. Daddy, where are you?

(YELPS)

Mommy!

- (CRASHING)
- (SCREAMS)

(CHITAURI GROWLS)

(SHRIEKS)

(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)

ELEANOR: Kate!

We have to get out of here.

Is Daddy okay? (YELLS)

Dad!

Dad! Dad!

Daddy!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

MAN: I'm so sorry, my dear.

(KATE CRYING)

What if they come back?

They won't come back.

How do you know?

Because the heroes showed
them what would happen.

And even though this is scary,

I'm still the luckiest
woman in the world

because I have the greatest
little girl in the world.

Who is not that little.

I need to protect us. (INHALES SHAKILY)

Kate, that's my job.

Okay?

Whatever you need, I'm here for you.

I need a bow and arrow.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

Ugh! Come on!

(PANTING)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(BUZZING)

JANE: (OVER PHONE) Kate, be careful.

If we get caught,

you're definitely gonna be
kicked off the archery team.


Yeah, I know. But a bet's a bet, Greer.

Okay, so the real question.

Does the bell swing back and forth,

or does the dangly thingy in the
middle swing back and forth?

JANE: It's obviously the bell.

See? I would disagree.

I think it's the dangly thingy.

JANE: Nice outfit by the way, Kate.

Yeah, well,

sometimes, you gotta dress the part.

JANE: I know it's a bet,

but are you sure that
arrow won't damage it?

No.

(BOW CREAKING)

(BELL DINGS)

(SCOFFS)

Well, that was a bit of a letdown.

Okay, you know what, just hang on.

Hang on.

Let me just fix this. Give me a second.

- (WIND WHISTLING)
- (BOW CREAKING)

(HEART b*ating)

(BELL TOLLING)

(LAUGHING) Oh, my God!
That was amazing! Wow!

Nice, Kate.

(METAL GROANING)

That's fine.

(CREAKING)

Right? I mean, it gives it character.

All the most famous bells
have cracks in them.

(CRACKING LOUDLY)

All right, that's, uh, that's not great.

But it could be worse.

- (RUMBLING)
- (GLASS SHATTERS)

This is bad.

MALE GUARD: Hold it!

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS PLAYING)

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a happy new year ♪

CHORUS: (SINGING) ♪ Help us win ♪

♪ Save us all from the state we're in ♪

♪ Things look dark
but I know this can't be the end ♪


CHORUS: ♪ There's a future I know that ♪

♪ With the strength you bring us
we'll rise again ♪


♪ Avengers unite 'cause
we've got to hear you say ♪


- ♪ I could do this all day ♪
- ♪ Save the City ♪


♪ Save us all from the state we're in ♪

♪ The Hulk is incredible
smashing things up ♪


♪ While Iron Man takes to the sky ♪

♪ Captain America's strong
and that Thor is a god ♪


♪ And Lord knows
they're easy on the eyes ♪


♪ Black Widow's a knockout
who can knock you out ♪


♪ And when Ant-Man flies
you won't hear a sound ♪


(MUSIC FADES)

(MUFFLED)

LILA: (DISTORTED) Dad?

Dad?

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

Did you turn your hearing aid off?

No, honey, I know what happens.

I was there.

You know who wasn't there? Is that guy.

Ant-Man.

♪ The battle's just begun ♪

BLACK WIDOW:
♪ We'll conquer the Chitauri ♪

♪ Then get shawarma when we're done ♪

♪ Just how are we to fight them? ♪

You look pretty cool though.

That's a plus.

CAPTAIN AMERICA:
♪ Then Natasha, that's your cue ♪

♪ Then Hawkeye, hit the bullseye
there's no better sh*t than you ♪


♪ Tony, you've got nukes to catch
be careful not to crash ♪


♪ And Hulk you know
the magic word is... ♪


CHORUS: ♪ Hulk you know
the magic word is ♪


♪ Hulk, you know the magic word is ♪

♪ Smash. Smash. Smash ♪

CHORUS: ♪ City's trashed
when you take your bow ♪


♪ We'll blame you then
but you're good for now ♪


♪ Avengers unite 'cause
we've got to hear you say ♪


I'll be right back.

♪ Got to hear you got to hear
you, got to hear you say ♪


♪ I could do this all day ♪

♪ I could do this all day ♪

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

(MUFFLED CHEERING)

- Hmm.
- (DOOR OPENS)

Oh, uh, a selfie would
be really rad, dude.

My kids would flip. I mean,
you're their absolute favorite.

Yeah, uh...

Now's not really the appropriate time.

Is now a better time?

(WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND PLAYING)

(GROANS)

Wow.

- Hey, are you okay?
- Oh, hey, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I, uh, just wanted
to come out for some, uh...

Some fresh air, is all.

You know it's fine if you don't
wanna watch the show. I mean...

I know everyone misses her, but...

she was your best friend. It's...

Come here, baby.

This whole thing
is a bit ridiculous, isn't it?

A lot ridiculous.

- The Hulk part was great.
- Yeah, I liked the Hulk.

Hey, Dad. Hey, Lila.

Hey, guys! What's up?
What are you doing here?

Why is everyone singing
and dancing about everything?

(LAUGHING) I don't know.

But it's Christmas in New York.
And we're out of here. Right?

- Yeah.
- Let's go.

- NATHANIEL: All right.
- Let's show Mom what she's missing.

- NATHANIEL: Yeah.
- Come on, bud.

(CHRISTMAS IS THE SEASON PLAYING)

KATE: Hey, Mom!

ELEANOR: (OVER PHONE)
Hey, honey! I missed you.

- Uh, are you in the city?
- KATE: Yeah, I, uh, I am.

I was gonna stop by my place
and then come see you.

ELEANOR: Will you come here
first, please? Jack's over.


I want to talk to you about something.

KATE: Okay, uh, okay.
I'll, uh, see you soon, Mom.

(CHRISTMAS IS THE SEASON
CONTINUES PLAYING)

Good evening, Miss Bishop.

How's it going? Good?
Wife, kids, all good?

Wonderful, wonderful, Merry Christmas!

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

- ELEANOR: Hi, sweetie.
- KATE: Hi, Mom.

There you are.

Oh, you look amazing.

What are we looking all fancy for?

Charity auction.

- Ugh.
- I know, right?

All those poor people and nonprofits
relying on the more fortunate.

That is not what I meant
and you know it.

As much as I love having
you home for the holidays,

I'm not thrilled that I'm about

to replace an irreplaceable clock tower.

It was a bell tower.

The Dean said it had a bell and a clock,

and overachiever that you are,
you managed to destroy both.

What can I do to make it better, Mom?

I started by cancelling
your credit cards,

and we're going to have
a much longer talk

about this tower that you destroyed,

without joking.

I know young people
think they're invincible,

and rich people think they're invincible

and you've always been both.

So take it from someone
who hasn't, you're not.

You will get hurt.

So please, don't go out looking for it.

Sorry, Mom.

Sorry.

Okay.

You get that from your father, you know.

Why don't you start making it up to me

by putting on that red
dress in your bedroom

and coming with me tonight?

All right, well, um,

on another note,

I got a new one for the case.

U.S. Open Martial Art Championship.

You're amazing. I still remember
when you got your black belt at .

We might have to retire some

from when you were little
to make room. Huh?

- I like those.
- ELEANOR: I do, too, hon.

I do, too.

What's with all the swords, Mom?

Hon, uh, there have been a few changes

while you were away this semester.

Ta-da!

KATE: Jack?

JACK: Oh. (CHUCKLES)

What an unexpected surprise.

All surprises are unexpected.

That can't be right. Is it?

Nice to see you again, Katie.

That was in your mouth.

(CHUCKLES) So it was.

We cannot be late, so go change.

Meet us at the hotel
and we'll talk there. Okay?

- Shall we?
- Let's.

We'll see you at the party.

ELEANOR: See you there, honey.

Lots more to talk about.

You look like a maniac. (LAUGHS)

You're a total crazy person.

(LAUGHING)

Is anybody else hungry?

For some more, like, some more crabs
or maybe get four more crabs?

- What do you think?
- Yes. I could eat three.

- No.
- COOPER: Come on, Dad,

you ordered food for people.

You're going to puke
if you have any more.

And if he pukes,
you two are cleaning it up.

I'm not cleaning it up.

Hey, you know what? You know
what's right down the street?

The Christmas tree.
The biggest one you'll see in your life.

It's enormous! You guys
want to go see that after this?

- Yeah!
- Yeah! Let's go.

- (PHONE BUZZES)
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Momma callin'. Momma's
calling. Say "Hi!"

- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, Momma!

Hey, guys! How are ya?

I miss you so much!

- We miss you, too.
- LAURA: (OVER PHONE) How was the show?

It was, uh... It's over. It was big.

- We left halfway through.
- There you go.

(CHUCKLING) Oh, no!

You guys all good?

BARTON: Uh, yeah,
it'd be easier if you were here.


I'd be less likely to
strangle these kids.

LAURA: The whole point was for you
to spend time with the kids.


No, I'm kidding. We're actually
having a really good time.

- We miss you.
- I miss you.

- I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow.
- LILA: Bye, Mom!

- LILA: Bye, Mom! Love you!
- Bye, Mom.

- Talk to you later. See you soon.
- NATHANIEL: Bye-bye.

Well, look, it's six days
until Christmas, okay?

We're gonna do a lot of activities.
What's your favorite one?

- Um, gingerbread house.
- We're doing that!

What do you got?

Uh, Christmas movie marathon.

Movie marathon, awesome!

- Uh, ugly sweaters.
- Ugly Christmas sweaters!

We have to decorate the tree.
There's a thousand things to do.

It's going to be amazing,
but most important thing,

we're going to do it all together.

No. Not holding their hands.

Hold your brothers' hands.

I love you guys.

Love you, too.

It's going to be the best
Barton Christmas ever!

All right?

- Please.
- Yeah.

Dinner is on us.

- Thank you.
- Oh, that's, that's not necessary.

It's necessary. You saved our city.

Oh. Thank you.

LILA: Thank you, sir.

- NATHANIEL: Thank you!
- COOPER: Thank you.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh, get back to work.

(ELEANOR LAUGHING)

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

- Excuse me dear, would you...
- Sorry, I'm not a waitress.

You're the little Bishop girl.

Yes, I am.

- Armand. Armand Duquesne.
- Ah.

You used to come to my
brownstone for brunch.

Oh, build your own blintz bar.

Precisely.

You know, it's unfair.

I never looked that good
in a tuxedo in my life.

I'd appreciate it if you wear something

a little more lady-like for the wedding,

so we won't be competing.

What wedding?

You don't know?

Eleanor and Jack.

Oh! Those secretive little love birds!

(ARMAND CHUCKLES)

- WAITER: Can I offer you some champagne?
- Thank you!

Believe me, I've done everything
in my power to talk him out of it.

When he gets something
set in that little mind of his,

he can be quite determined.

Oh.

Seems like he won the jackpot.

You think so?

So does he.

I'm not so sure.

(LAUGHING)

Armand, I wanna go home. I'm bored.

That's no way to talk, Armand. That's
not the way you were brought up.

Come and say hello to Miss Bishop.

Hey.

Hello.

Another Armand, I see.

Yes. I'm Armand the third
and he's Armand the seventh.

I believe that's quite sufficient.

(INHALES) Well, uh, I'm gonna make
my excuses because it seems that

you need to have a chat

with your prize of a mother.

Come on, Armand. Come on, boy!

(ELEANOR LAUGHING)

You're engaged?

Oh, well, I guess
the beans are out of the bag.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, can we have a little moment?

Oh, of course, it's almost time
for my other engagement anyway.

Bye.

(KATE CLEARS THROAT)

Babe, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
you found out this way.

I don't know, Mom, this is just like...

- Fast.
- Yeah, yeah, it's fast, yes.

But, you know, it's kind of nice

being swept up in the romance of it.

Is there a part of you
that could be happy for me?

Yes.

Yes, Mom, of course.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I wanted
to tell you first. I'm sorry.

- I'm going to get some air, Mom.
- I understand.

Yep.

- Come back and find me, okay?
- KATE: Yeah.

- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
- (LAUGHTER)

- Hi.
- (DOG WHIMPERS)

KATE: Heck of a party, huh?


(HORN HONKS)

ARMAND III: I should've known
that this empire of yours

would be built on a lie.

ELEANOR: By myself from the ground up.

So whatever you think
you saw is not true.

ARMAND III: Don't insult
my intelligence.

ELEANOR: You're frankly
insulting us both.

- I know what I saw.
- You are all just...

Don't you try that on me.

I gave you an opportunity
to explain yourself.

ELEANOR: I don't want to argue with you.

I've got powerful friends, too.

The kind you don't want to mess with.

Please.

Armand!

See you at Christmas dinner.

Mom, what was that about?
Is that guy threatening you?

I honestly... I have no idea.

Why are you lurking in the hallways?

- KATE: I was outside getting air.
- Come back to the party.

- KATE: Okay. All right.
- Okay.

- KATE: Be right there.
- ELEANOR: All right.

- Be right back.
- Okay.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

WOMAN: Gary wants you to bring
these down, right away.

- Just these two?
- These two.

(CHATTER CONTINUES)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

This seat is taken.

MALE AUCTIONEER: Ladies and
gentlemen, please be seated,

and we will begin.

I've reached my breaking
point with your fiancée.

Things are about to get very ugly.

Why don't we leave Eleanor
alone, you old goat.

MALE AUCTIONEER: For our
first item of the evening,

we will be traveling back in time.

We'll start the bidding for this
magnificent skull at $ million.

Do I hear $ million?

Bidder bidder, two-point-one.

I got $ million,
do I hear two-point-one?

Two-point-one, thank you so much, sir.
Do I hear two-point-two?

- Do I hear two-point-two?
- Excuse me?

Hey, excuse me!

Oh, perfect!

- Oh.
- Great.

I was supposed to be
the only one working here.

Gary? Gary sent me to work here.

So maybe if you want to bother Gary...

You're doing great. Okay.

Two million seven,
now two million eight.

I've got two million seven
right here, going once.

I've got two-point-seven going twice.

Sold for $ . million.

Thank you. And I will remind you

that this is for home display only.

And you have no idea where you got it.

(GUESTS CHUCKLING)

MAN: Who told you to come down here?

Gary.

I'm Gary.

What's your name?

You see that's the problem, Gary,

you don't even know my name.

You know, uh, this is, this is
not gonna work out. I quit.

You can't quit. Hold on.

Where did she go?

Excuse me.

(MEN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

MAN : Come on, let's go. Move.

Don't forget your positions.

MAN : Mine's on the left.

MAN : Yeah, bro.

MAN : Get ready.

MALE AUCTIONEER: Up next,
we have a very special piece.

An artifact recovered from the
wreckage of the Avengers compound.

Now you may recall the Ronin decimated

the criminal underworld of the city,

almost completely
annihilating the status

and power of the head
of organized crime.

The Ronin brought a brutal
form of justice to his victims,

and his identity continues
to remain a mystery to this very day.

Now you can own this
one-of-a-kind retractable sword,

and we'll start the bidding at $ , .

Do I hear $ , ? $ , ,

bidder bidder, do I hear $ , ?

$ , , thank you, sir.
Do I hear $ , ?

$ , , looking for $ , .

What are you doing, you dope?

I'm buying that sword.

You don't have grand.

No, but I'll inherit it
one day, won't I?

- $ , .
- $ , , right here in the front.

Do we go to $ , ? Let's go
to four. Four, thank you so much.

At $ , , do I hear $ , ?

(MAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

MAN : Moving to two.

MAN : Okay, everybody ready?

MALE AUCTIONEER:
$ , , do I hear $ , ?

$ , up front. Looking for $ , .

Come on, ladies and gentlemen.

This sword belonged
to the infamous Ronin.

$ , .

$ , , bidder bidder,
do I hear $ , ?

I've got $ , here, it's going once.

$ , is going twice.

Sold for $ , .

Up next, we have lot number - - .

The companion piece, the Ronin suit.

- (expl*si*n)
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(RUMBLING)

(ALARM BLARING)

(INDISTINCT MURMURING)

(JACK COUGHS)

(MAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Help! Please help!

Security!

WOMAN: We're stuck in here!

MAN : We've got seconds
to find the watch.

Everything else is secondary.

MAN : Let's go, bro.

- (COUGHS)
- MAN : Spread out. Let's go, let's go.

MAN : Find the watch!

(WOMAN SCREAMS, CRYING)

MAN : Where is it? Where is it?

MAN : Come on! We're
running out of time!

MAN : Come on. Let's go.

MAN : Grab my hand!

WOMAN : I can't see.

ARMAND III: Do you know who I am?

(KATE YELLING)

(PANTING)

Hello.

(g*nsh*t)

(g*n f*ring)

KATE: Quick, hurry!
Everyone get out of here!

MAN : I see him! I see him, there!

Okay.

Come on, Kate.

(KATE GRUNTING)

(MAN SPEAKS RUSSIAN)

MAN : He disappeared!

I'm telling you, it was the Ronin!

MAN : He's here somewhere, bro!
Keep looking!

MAN : Oh, sh*t!

MAN : He's getting away!

JACK: Darling!

- Where's Kate? She won't answer the phone.
- I don't know.

- Are you okay?
- Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

(PANTING)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- Ronin?
- (g*n CLICKS)

- (KATE YELLS)
- (g*nsh*t)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(MAN YELLS)

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

MAN : The watch. I found it.

(DOG GROWLING)

Hey! (GRUNTS)

Get off me!

I'm gonna get you, you dumb dog!

- Ow! Aah!
- (DOG WHIMPERS)

I k*ll you!

KATE: Hey!

- (DOG BARKING)
- KATE: Wait!

(SIRENS APPROACHING)

KATE: Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Wait!

- (HORNS BLARING)
- Oh, wait! Wait! No, no, no.

(DOG WHINES)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN BLOWS)

MAN : Kazi! Kazi!

- We gotta go!
- MAN : Let's go, bro!

MAN : Kazi! We go now! Come on!

(SIRENS APPROACHING)

MAN : Let's get to the
van and go after her.

LILA: You were right about
the tree, Dad. It was amazing.

NATHANIEL: I want one that big.

COOPER: It wouldn't fit
in our house, dummy.

NATHANIEL: Please, please, please?

BARTON: It's a little late for
TV, guys. I've gotta pack.

Ay, ay, ay.

We are following a breaking news story.

A high society gala
rocked by an expl*si*n


when it went off at Park Avenue
and th Street tonight.


The cause of the expl*si*n
is still under investigation.


But witnesses captured
cell phone footage


of a masked assailant fleeing the scene.

LILA: Check it out.

A ninja saved a dog.

NEWSCASTER: Authorities believe
the assailant could be the Ronin...


LILA: Isn't that awesome, Dad?

... who terrorized organized crime
in New York and elsewhere.


(GRUNTING)

NEWSCASTER: This is the first potential

sighting of the Ronin in years.

KATE: Welcome to my apartment.

Whoa. Okay, that was, that was crazy.

But we're safe. We're safe.

Okay, what is going on with Armand?

Threatening my mom and
buying black market swords?

Do you think he's connected
to the break-in somehow?

(PANTING)

- Food. You want food. Uh, of course. Oh.
- (DOG WHIMPERS)

Uh...

Okay, listen. Just hang on.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna
get you some food.

Uh...

Pizza? You want some pizza?

Okay.

Have some. Go on.

Good boy. Wow.

You like pizza.

I've got to figure out
what's up with Armand.

Okay.

(PHONE BEEPING)

(DOG WHINES)

Do not destroy this apartment.

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

Monogrammed butterscotch?

Armand?

Oh, God!

- (DOOR SLAMS)
- (GASPS)

MAID: Mr. Duquesne?

I have your dry cleaning,
and I brought dinner.

(SCREAMS)

(PANTING)

MAN : Where do you think you're
going? We only want to talk.

MAN : Hey, we got
little surprise for you.

MAN : We've got eyes everywhere.

MAN : We missed you, Ronin.

We got you now, bro.

Why you makin' it so tough on us, bro?

(GRUNTING)

(KATE PANTING)

(MAN GROANING)

Sorry. (GRUNTS)

(GROANS, COUGHS)

(BARTON GRUNTING)

Oh, come on.

(PANTING)

Come on!

You're... You're Hawkeye!

And who the hell are you?

(IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL
TIME OF THE YEAR
PLAYING)
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