♪ ("HONESTY" BY BILLY JOEL
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
SOUND TECH: That looks good.
(SINGING) ♪ If you
search for tenderness ♪
♪ It isn't hard to find ♪
♪ You can have the love
you need to live ♪
♪ But if you look for truthfulness ♪
♪ You might just as well be blind ♪
♪ It always seems to be
so hard to give ♪
♪ Honesty is such a lonely word ♪
♪ Everyone is so untrue ♪
Yeah, I think we're good. That's good.
♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I mean, yeah.
Pretty good, man.
That means funny, right?
I think good.
And then you're gonna do the...
- Your whole, like, thing?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I mean f*ck it, right?
Just f*cking go nut-nut.
Pure excess, full bore, yeah?
Yeah.
- What? No?
- No... Yeah, I th... I think.
No, it's like I've gone anti-fragile.
I can... I can accommodate anything.
If I start second guessing,
it collapses.
Right. I think that is right.
This is the full f*cking thing.
It's gonna be epic.
(THROUGH MICROPHONE)
This is the full f*cking thing!
♪ ("SUCCESSION" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(SIGHS)
We're good, right? All makes sense?
Mm. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah,
this is great work, Rome.
Well, obviously,
the main thing is the...
organizational cultural thing.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
I think, you know, everyone
agrees that GoJo makes sense.
No one needs persuading of that.
Ah, well, kind of regret
staying up all night
with my assholes then.
No. It's just about,
you know, us here who get it,
oiling the wheels and making
sure there's no friction.
Well, of course. I mean, I would say
we can handle the human stuff
without too much issue.
That needn't concern us.
That actually comes naturally
to some of us.
Which is why I focused
on integration benefits and deal detail.
Great. Yeah. I'm just
saying, big picture.
Well, big picture is made
from small details, so...
- TOM WAMBSGANS: Guys, guys, honestly.
- Business lesson.
It's just nerves. You've
done really great work.
Let's go and help your dad
make the deal.
Yeah. All right.
- Nice rally call, Braveheart.
- I try, I try.
- And you're going tonight?
- Ken Fest?
- Yeah.
- I wouldn't think so.
Uh, if Matsson does,
maybe for follow up?
Gonna be pretty horrific.
Your brother in a porta-potty
rolling down a hill.
- (CHUCKLES)
- I might have to go just to see how bad it is.
Aww, brudders.
f*ck you. It's pure rubbernecking.
Okay. What's this?
SHIV ROY: Uh, maybe
Mattson's here early?
Or she's gonna give birth
to Dad's baby while we
chant a Satanic mass.
It's like he's having
a midlife crisis, aged .
- It's fine.
- No, it's not, Rome.
He's f*cking an assistant
who's years younger than him.
It's not a crisis. That's normal.
It's the opposite of a crisis.
We should all be so f*cking lucky.
- Hiya.
- KARL MULLER: (LAUGHING) That's so funny.
Oh. Okay. Champagne?
Uh, did you do it already? Did you
land GoJo already without us, Dad?
We're not celebrating.
Long road ahead.
Lovely long open road. Wind in our hair.
Wind in your hair?
We've had a vibration.
I've been speaking to a contact
- with connections at DOJ.
- Laurie?
Well, we have a number of friends.
And the word is, on the down-low,
that they've seen everything now.
They've reviewed,
and they're happy
with how we're engaging,
and they're coming to the view
that Kendall overpromised.
And perhaps some men were
terribly naughty back in the day,
but nothing systemic,
nothing sanctioned.
It's going to be a number.
- Just a number?
- Nothing custodial.
- For anyone.
- Uh, no prison?
Nuh-uh. Nope, we don't think so.
- LOGAN ROY: Here's to us!
- ALL: To us!
And... to justice!
ALL: To justice. Yeah.
(EXHALES) I'll remember.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Well, congratulations, Dad.
You've done it again.
It's great. (CHUCKLES)
Let's just hope you don't
do it again, right?
(CHUCKLES) No. Lessons learned.
(GULPS) And here's to Tom!
Uh, long road ahead.
No premature celebrations.
Mm-hmm, absolutely. Amen to that!
Top me up, why don't ya?
Take me home, country roads!
Just gonna run to the little boy's room.
Okay. Okay. Enough, enough.
No more mooning.
No more backslapping. GoJo! GoJo! GoJo!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(INDISTINCT MUTTERING)
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Hello. Oh-oh-oh-oh.
Hello.
(EXHALES)
Hey, scooch over a little bit, buddy.
Mm-hmm.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Thank you, Greg.
Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(SCREAMS)
Yeah, f*ck yeah!
- What? What? (PANTS)
- (TOM YELLS)
What is going on? Wh... Are you okay?
Apologies, Greg, I may have
gotten a little carried away.
But I just popped around to say...
that no one is going to jail.
Gerri spoke to the DOJ...
and the Waystar Two...
(BREATHES SHAKILY) ... are free.
Okay. Is it real?
♪ (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
It was good news.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
What are we looking at in terms of, uh,
what are the responses looking like?
Uh, I think about percent
of your A-list is yeses
and percent are maybes.
Okay. Well, maybes are nos,
let's not live in a dream world.
But, uh, who's in?
Off the top of my head, it's great.
- Um, Dion, Barry, JP, David...
- KENDALL ROY: Nice.
... Anna, Tom, Tory, Jeff, Elon, Lukas,
Jennifer and Emma, yeses.
Chloe is still a maybe.
And, uh... (CLICKS TONGUE)
... and the sibs?
COMFRY PELLITS: Um, yeah, uh...
Okay. No. Whatever. Fine. Fine.
This is f*cking cool, Comfry.
Hey, hey, listen,
you have a good time,
too, yeah? Like everyone,
servers, f*cking...
the imagineers, the DJ crew,
you know, this is highly egalitarian,
like, do your job,
but f*cking get your drink on
get your buzz on.
There's no boundaries if you're cool.
Mission Control out!
sh*t is about to pop off!
(GUESTS CHEER)
- Party!
- (GUESTS LAUGH)
It's my birthday! f*ck you!
- (NAOMI PIERCE LAUGHS)
- KENDALL: Whoo!
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Hey, hey.
(QUIETLY) There might be
a problem with GoJo.
Okay. Where's Matsson?
He's sent Sherpas. He's not coming.
Okay.
It's off. Tell these kids
to f*ck off. Meeting cancelled.
(SCOFFS) Okay, well,
what's the downside, Dad?
You know, meet these guys,
could read petulant not to?
If he wants to send a nobody...
Well, his CFO and a whole
team of, uh, people...
He's going to this f*cking
party, isn't he? Huh?
Where is he? Getting his nails done,
assh*le whitened?
I think we might have to court him
- a little, is the thing.
- Ah. Nah, nah, nah, nah.
It's bad f*cking juju
to start like this.
Can we not at least talk
- to the nobodies a little...
- No! No. We have other options.
Do we, though?
This could be our last chance
to avoid the legacy media graveyard.
Frank's reached out to Nan about Pierce.
What? Seriously?
We're going after Pierce again?
It's exciting.
Okay. That's it. Everyone back to work.
The deal makes sense. It's a great deal.
but he won't make the deal
because he's an arrogant prick.
Fine. Matsson's an assh*le.
f*cking of course he is.
But do we burn our only
parachute because of that?
LOGAN: It's just smart business, Shiv.
I don't wanna pay over
the odds. And eventually,
the market will make him make the deal.
- Unless someone makes a better offer first.
- (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, Dad, this is it.
We have a scale issue.
Our streaming platform is for sh*t.
And... and we have nothing
that looks like growth.
This gets us consequentially
into streaming,
it gets us into sports betting,
it gets us into social media.
We have a little window.
Miss this, and we end up
being a pilot fish
nibbling leftovers from
Bezos's f*cking teeth.
Kerry? What was it, that thing
you said about Matsson?
He thinks he's a genius.
He's made one good piece
of tech. f*ck him.
We appreciate your input,
Kerry, but "f*ck him"
- is not good tactics.
- It is good tactics.
Dad, please, if you don't
wanna talk to Matsson,
fine, but let me.
Or let me. Or we can both do it.
He's gonna be at the party, right?
- You're going?
- Mm-hmm.
Can't hurt.
Fine. But don't go in too strong.
This is a black box and
I don't want to overpay.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Got it. I'm on it.
Yeah, I... I'll reorganize
my diary. I got it.
Since you're going...
you might as well give
him this in person.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
What do you think?
Do you think he'll like it?
- ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
(CROWD CHATTERING)
No, I just... I feel amazing, you know?
My senses are heightened,
the air smells sweeter.
And, you know, it's like
I can see the poetry
and all little mundane things.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's... I...
I'm gonna get so f*cked up.
- Oh.
- (CHUCKLES) Okay. Is that okay?
Yeah, you don't need my permission.
Like, how f*cked up?
- Hi, there.
- Hi, there.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Tom Wambsgans!
- Not going to prison.
- Wow.
- Hi.
- We're asking everyone
to hand in their coats and phones.
Kendall would like his present
to be everyone being present.
Yeah. f*ck off. I'm not doing that.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, you're
gonna have to tase us.
- And your coat? (CHUCKLES)
- Uh, nuh-uh,
I will remain coated,
thank you, as is my right.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
So come on. What? What happened?
Ranch stuff.
What, a horse didn't want
you to f*ck it? What?
- He had a fall.
- (CHUCKLES) Don't say, "had a fall",
that sounds like I'm . No!
Maxim and I actually got
some polling results,
we shared a Cognac,
and then I slipped
doing a little Irish jig.
ROMAN ROY: Oh. Okay, ranch stuff.
- CONNOR ROY: Yeah.
- ROMAN: Got it. Real cowboy.
SHIV: Oh, my God.
This feels disgustingly Kendall.
(RYTHMIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)
- So, where's Tabs? She busy?
- Yeah.
- Again? Did you k*ll her?
- Yeah.
It's going great, I'll have you know.
She's just a bit boring is all.
That's all I'm saying.
Okay. The relationship was fine sexually
and you're loving the intimacy and all?
Yes. I love the intimacy.
I love people really getting to know me.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Oh, like you're the f*cking
catch of the day.
You're more f*cked up than I am.
NURSE: Congratulations!
You've just been born into
the world of Kendall Roy!
Okay. Immersive theater.
I mean, I could have
consulted, but whatever.
Oh, Jesus.
Uh, so if we've just
been born, then, uh...
Oh, okay. So I'm inserting myself
into my mom's vag*na now?
- Wow.
- Is that what's happening?
Cold and inhospitable,
seems to check out.
I am repeatedly entering my own mother.
Is that... That's not right.
This is my mom's cooch, so you know.
And, uh, you're implying that it's
massive, so you might wanna...
tighten my mother's vag*na.
Hey, Tom Wambsgans,
free man, how's it going?
Gregory Hirsch, uh, not going to prison.
- (LAUGHS)
- Pleased to meet you!
Look at you all gussied up,
you slick little f*ck.
- Well, thank you. Nice.
- Yes.
- Uh, feeling good?
- Oh, yeah.
Say, have you seen, uh, Comfry?
Ken's PR? With the... the hair
always kind of in a...
- messy...
- TOM: Gregory John Hirsch.
You got a crush?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
She seems like a nice person.
Well, I mean, she's way out
of your league, man. I mean,
it's like a haunted scarecrow
asking out Jackie Onassis.
It's a su1c1de mission.
Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure, Tom.
No, no, no. No, no. This is not a razz.
Greg. She's a goddess.
And you're a... you're a
nine-foot Cro-Magnon man.
I mean, you shouldn't even be
really thinking about her.
You're gonna put her in a tough spot.
Look, I'm not unaware
of the discrepancy in terms of
- our physical circumstances.
- It's a chasm.
Well, I have an initial
approach which is...
"You're like a fascinating book
- I'd like to cr*ck open".
- (LAUGHS)
Okay. Well, how'd... how'd you get Shiv?
- She's out of your league.
- Oh!
- Testy, Greg!
- Well?
Well, Greg, I'll tell you. I got
a d*ck the size of a red sequoia
and I f*ck like a b*llet train.
Okay? Satisfied?
- Prove it.
- What?
♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
SHIV: Okay, so where's Matsson?
ROMAN: Probably standing
in a corner somewhere,
- monitoring his biometrics from his watch.
- (CHUCKLES)
Should we just say hi
to Ken really fast?
- Just to get it out of the way?
- Uh, yeah. Oh, hey, hey, Berry.
- Hi.
- Where's Ken?
Uh, VIP.
Uh-huh. Okay.
♪ You ain't know
she came for the skeet ♪
♪ Got pipe for the cheeks ♪
♪ n*gga I'm the life of the b*at ♪
♪ f*ck that this year gotta eat ♪
♪ B-bounce for the crown ♪
♪ You be hating
and I still hold it down... ♪
Today is pretty f*cking iconic.
NAOMI: Yeah.
♪ Bruh, man that bitch need a pound ♪
♪ Tip, tip, tip bounce out her gown ♪
♪ Hands high to the sound... ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
Who... who... who let you guys in?
- This is friends only.
- Oh. Shouldn't it be empty then?
- b*at me by one second.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Happy birthday, old man.
- Um...
Just to say, I'm only here
because I heard this was going
to be a five-dimensional catastrophe
and I want to watch you crash and burn.
- Come here.
- Oh. Yeah, all right. Hugsy.
Man, it's like you feel old.
Are you sure you're only ?
You look like sh*t.
♪ Man of the bounce, bruh
I see girls everywhere... ♪
What? No card? I'm disappointed,
because you normally
write me such lovely letters.
Oh, yeah. No, I couldn't
find one that said
both "Happy Birthday"
and "Get Well Soon".
Well... I'm glad you came.
- It says a lot.
- Yeah, it was a ten-minute drive.
Uh-huh.
Okay. Well, give me a hug
before you start weeping.
It's good to see you.
- CONNOR: Hi, Kenny. (LAUGHS)
- KENDALL: Holy sh*t.
- Holy sh*t. g*ng's all here?
- Yeah.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you. Hey, man, what...
what... what... what's this?
What happened?
Well, little overexcited about
a political breakthrough, so...
- Okay.
- CONNOR: Yeah.
But what... what's with the coat?
You're not staying or...
It's a coat. I like it.
So, what do you think?
It's cool. Can I ask you,
did you ask for Mommy's permission
for the use of her, uh, squatch?
What? From a copyright perspective?
Well, it's just, you know,
call me old-fashioned,
but I think you should ask
before you construct
a giant replica of someone's vag*na. No?
Roman, relax. Yes, you
can take it home with you.
Okay. So. Go on, tell us. Who's here?
- Who isn't?
- Your dad.
- Your mom.
- Your wife and kids.
ROMAN: Any real friends.
I mean business folks, yeah. Stewy?
I mean, honestly, we could do
with building some bridges.
So, yeah, Lawrence Yee? Lukas Matsson?
Yeah, yeah. They're all here. Somewhere.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, I got something to show
you. This way. This way.
- ROMAN: Great.
- CONNOR: Hey, Will.
- WILLA FERREYRA: Yeah.
- Hey, Nay.
KENDALL: Nay, I... I... I... I'm
gonna show these guys around.
ROMAN: Hey, uh, I actually
got something from, uh, Dad,
and myself, I suppose.
- What is it?
- ROMAN: Oh,
it's, uh, it's your baby teeth
and an iTunes gift card.
It's nice. No, it's a...
it's a nice thing.
We... we hope you'll like it.
- Okay. Let me show you some sh*t.
- CONNOR: Okay.
So, I consulted with
Gladwell and Harari,
and Lovelock and Popcorn,
and this in here,
it's, uh, it's pretty technical,
but this is the best
we could come up with
on the likely directions of society,
so a little dry, but...
accurate, I would say.
- Accurate.
- CONNOR: President.
ROMAN: Hmm. Not a bad way to go.
Also, we got people in here
picturing me jerking off,
so who's the real winner?
Oh, man.
What if McCartney tweets this?
This is not... I mean,
jokes are all very well and...
Come on, man, I'm breaking through.
Ken, I'm not sure that you're
aware, but Conn is polling
- very close to one percent so...
- ROMAN: One percent?
- KENDALL: Really?
- Congrats.
That's four million people,
and it's enough to sway the race.
And I am interested to see
who comes crawling first,
Merkel, begging for me to save democracy
or Soros serenading me from the trees.
ROMAN: You did, however,
actually sh*t your bag.
Yeah, you know why? Because
I took you two f*cking assholes
on a camping trip 'cause
Dad couldn't be bothered.
- That's why!
- KENDALL: Okay, okay, okay.
- And I ate some bad f*cking fish.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey.
- This is bullshit!
Hey, excuse me, hey, can we...
can we take down
the crap sack Conner piece, please?
Conn? Conn? Conn?
It's coming down. It's a joke, okay?
- Come on, man. Loosen up.
- CONNOR: I'm good.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Lose the coat, yeah?
(LAUGHS) Okay.
All right, I gotta circulate.
We can check in later.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be great.
- I'd like that.
It's a great night.
I'm happy you're here.
- f*cking best birthday ever.
- SHIV: Mm-hmm.
Okay. Later.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- ♪ (MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY) ♪
♪ (SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Wow. Wow, wow.
♪ (LOUD MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
Hey. Hey, hey.
Hey. Oh, I think there's a line
at the treehouse, actually.
Can you fix, please? Thank you.
- What's up?
- Hey, I'm glad I ran into you.
Yeah, yeah, me too.
Right, because I might have
to brief the press against you.
Oh. The... the... the whole press?
Yeah. Just Kendall's really
going balls-to-the-wall
- and you know, you're on the other team.
- Hmm.
But I'm gonna try to keep it
targeted rather than terminal.
Thank you kindly, ma'am. (CHUCKLES)
That's... that's very kind of you.
How... how can I possibly repay you?
- PARTY STAFF: Hey, Comf?
- You're a very fair maiden
for... for such activities,
uh, for such a kind...
A very evenhanded maiden.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
You good?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so... so... Dad sent me
something for my birthday.
NAOMI: Okay?
It's a little Trojan mindfuck.
He's trying to slip a maggot
in the candy apple.
He's offering to buy me out
of my share in the company.
Okay. Wow. Like, what is that?
In terms of a number?
Two bill. But it's a mind game.
He's just... He's worried
I'm not gonna let him keep on
living rent free up here.
- And?
- And f*ck him.
Right? Maybe I refuse to engage.
Mind game that, m*therf*cker.
Yeah. That's great. But...
maybe you do take it.
Maybe, I don't know.
Yeah, may... maybe... maybe...
maybe I buy you
a diamond the size of the Ritz-Carlton
and a few illustrious newspapers,
the Globe and Mail, the LA Times,
I print a front page of
my dad eating dog d*ck
- every day for a year.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
And we're living in Marrakesh
and I'm f*cking you
and smoking hash and learning
how to turn a lathe?
- (KENDALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
- Um, all good.
But do we know where
Lukas Matsson is right now?
Shiv and Roman have been asking staff
for Matsson's location
and inquiring discreetly
about a private meeting space.
Is that okay?
Okay.
Okay. Uh, can... can the party team
get eyes on Matsson and ask him
to meet me in the treehouse?
COMFRY: Sure.
(QUIETLY) Um, can you find
Lukas Matsson and tell...
Hey, I have a location.
- Oh, great. Let's go!
- Yeah.
- But don't f*ck this, yeah?
- Oh, come on.
- Easy. No. Upstairs.
- Please, where are we going?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- What the f*ck?
- ROMAN: Yeah. I know.
I think a -year-old man who rebuilds
his childhood treehouse
should immediately
go on the sex offender registry.
- Hey.
- (SHIV CHUCKLES)
ROMAN: Are you letting
me in or what's the deal?
Do you have a rainbow band?
Yes, I'm... I'm... I'm a
walking rainbow band.
- There he is.
- Oh, hey.
- ROMAN: Hey.
- Okay.
ROMAN: This guy's not letting us in.
- You done downstairs?
- Yeah. We are done.
Hey, Ken, may we please step
inside your mental disorder?
- Good one. (CHUCKLES)
- ROMAN: Thanks.
- Okay.
- KENDALL: Um, sorry.
- ROMAN: What?
- That's not possible.
Okay. Why?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah,
well, because the thing is,
the treehouse is cool
and you're not cool.
Oh, wow, yes. The coolest
grown man's treehouse
- I've seen in quite a while.
- (ROMAN LAUGHS)
Okay. Okay. No, seriously,
guys, just come over...
come over here for a second.
Let's go over here.
Just one second.
Sorry, but, like, so joking aside...
Great jokes.
There is actually a real issue here...
- Okay.
- ... and I need to be discreet
because there's a lot
of celebrities around
and if you guys were
in the treehouse, it kinda...
kinda wouldn't feel like
the treehouse, you know?
(SHIV SCOFFS)
- You're a n*zi lover.
- Oh.
- And you're a n*zi lover.
- Mm-hmm.
And I'm a defender of liberal democracy.
- (CHUCKLES) Okay.
- And this here is made
from George Washington's
cherry tree, so...
- The f*ck?
- Ya-da-da, da-da-da-da.
Are you actually not gonna let us in?
Or are you just gonna
bullshit us a little bit
- before you let us in?
- To see Matsson?
That's why you're here. You're
trying to push a deal here.
- SHIV: So?
- ROMAN: Who f*cking gives a sh*t?
Like what's the difference?
I just wanna talk to him.
High-quality personal conduct.
- Oh.
- Really top rank.
What's the difference? I
wanna talk to him. So what?
Yeah. And you know what
happens if we do talk to him?
Either we strike out and nothing.
Or we succeed, Waystar benefits,
and your net worth goes up by
- several hundred million dollars.
- You're welcome.
- Right.
- SHIV: Yeah.
But I have to weigh that against the
consideration that
no losers are allowed.
- Oh my f*cking God.
- Okay, I'm going in. This is f*cking stupid.
- Hey, bro, bro.
- This is dumb.
- Hey, look at him! Oh my God.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Did you see that? I just
got moved. Um, all right.
- Oh, my God, bro!
- No, no, no. No, no, no.
- What? What is this?
- Bro. Bro, bro. Calm down.
Are you actually gonna what, stop me?
- KENDALL: You're getting worked up about a treehouse?
- Yeah.
You know how ridiculous that is?
- (ROMAN LAUGHS)
- Hey, come on in. Wristband him.
Yeah, wristband this guy.
Uh, what's his name?
- What is his name? Who is he?
- No idea.
- Good. So good. So good.
- See these two?
Don't let these two in, okay?
- Yeah.
- This is my treehouse.
- (SHIV CHUCKLING)
- You shouldn't be anywhere near here.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm.
- SHIV: What is happening?
Oh, hey, thanks for the offer, Rome.
Really cool. Great headfuck
from you and Dad, thanks.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
- What's he talking about? What offer?
- Oh, I hope he f*cking dies.
What? Oh, God. That's nothing.
- SHIV: What is it?
- It's no... It's a... it's a...
it's a little move to ease him
out of the holding company.
You and Dad?
Well, he can only sell to family, right?
And, yeah, I think Dad
put my name on there.
- It's housekeeping.
- Oh, "I think"?
ROMAN: It's a name
on a piece of paper, Shiv.
- It's nothing.
- Okay. So can I be the name on the piece of paper?
I can't even do anything
with it. It's musical chairs.
I'm sorry. Just, historically,
who owns the f*cking company
has been of some interest.
Dad and I handled it.
What, you wanna figure
out the financing?
- "Dad and I handled it"?
- Yeah.
Wow. Oh, that's cute.
Yeah, I love that. It's great.
No, it's just f*cking great.
f*ck you. f*ck this.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(CLAPPING)
There he is. Lukas Matsson.
The Odin of codin'.
My man, my myth, my f*cking
monolith. What's up, bro?
- How are you?
- You having a good time?
Do I look like I'm having a good time?
- No, you do not.
- I am not.
Still haven't figured
out the socials, huh?
Dude, you should get your
algo guy to fix your code.
Listen, heads up, my siblings,
they're looking for you now.
Well, maybe I need to find
an even more exclusive area then.
Like a crawlspace or something.
- KENDALL: Yeah. Maybe.
- Yeah.
They're like emissaries from
the Grand Old Duke of Old.
Dad wants to buy you, so he sent
his winged dildos to schmooze.
I shouldn't say anything.
Even the look on my face
is commercially sensitive.
But it makes no sense, correct?
Amtrak buys Tesla.
I mean, if anything, you should buy him.
You think? Huh. Well, I really
appreciate your impartial read.
- Yeah.
- Uh, Rava wants to say hi.
Sure. Not right now. When I'm ready.
Okay.
Listen, you should stay up here, okay?
So you don't get networked to f*ck.
Uh, you need anything?
What can I get you?
Privacy, p*ssy, pasta.
Done. Reece can help you out.
Like p*ssy, coke, wristwatches,
f*cking garganelli, he's like
a one-man dark web.
Yo, Reece! Reece, customer
for your candy store, man.
He's not a good guy. Enjoy.
KENDALL: Yeah, thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey. They said you were looking for me.
- Hey. Yeah. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
I, uh, I just wanted to say hi
before, you know,
everyone's too high.
- Right.
- (CHUCKLES)
Uh, we... we, uh, might go soon, so...
Well, you can't go. No, no. I'm doing...
- I'm doing a whole thing.
- RAVA ROY: Oh?
And we got the Tiny Wu-Tang Clan.
These... these kids we found
that do Wu-Tang covers.
It's... it's better than
it sounds. Trust me.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)
- What? Are you not enjoying it?
Yeah. No, it's... it's a lot
of people. It's... it's huge.
Wow. Savage.
What you gonna do for yours?
Just Sarah and Orla and some,
uh, some pasta Alfredo?
Three glasses of Chablis
if you're feeling naughty,
and lights out by ?
That actually sounds really nice to me.
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.
But listen, um, Gary...
You... you know Gary?
Yeah. Yeah. I... I know... I know Gary.
- Okay.
- Nice little poseable action figure.
- Does he have any genitals?
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Yes.
- He does. Mm-hmm.
Gary has, uh, an early start.
Okay. Gary's gotta be fresh
for the big meet!
Okay. Uh, thank you.
Happy birthday. Um...
Oh, did you, uh, did you
get the kids' present?
They've... they've made
something for you.
What? No. They made me something?
No, I didn't... that didn't
get to me. What... when?
When you arrived, who...
who did you give it to?
RAVA: Yeah, we... I don't know.
We left it with one of the people.
They said they would
give it to you, but...
- Fine. Okay. No, I'll... I'll find it.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna find it
because it'll be logged.
What did it... what did it look like?
Um, like... like a present.
It had... it... it... It had
rabbit wrapping paper.
All right. Got it.
- Fine, uh...
- (CHUCKLES)
- Thank... thanks for coming.
- Yeah.
You know, I might be getting
out from the firm finally.
So we'll, we should... we'll talk more.
It's great, actually, because
maybe, you know, they'll, uh,
stop sending their g*ons to the park
to talk to the nanny
about how often you lose
your temper with the kids.
Sorry. Obviously... obviously
that's not... that's not cool.
I'll... I'll... I'll handle it.
I'm sorry.
I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
Uh... on your birthday.
You didn't wanna burst my...
burst my birthday bubble?
- I didn't.
- Well, good job.
- Okay.
- Okay. Uh, rabbits, rabbit paper.
- Rabbits.
- Got it.
Give my love to Kevin.
- (SIGHS)
- Gary.
Why didn't that get to me?
Can we trace that gift, please?
- Priority one.
- Yes. Absolutely.
Hey, cool shoes, man. Orthopedics?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Are they playing from the approved
playlist in the main room?
Because my... my... my thing
was all bangers all the time.
Yeah? All bangers all the time.
- I... think so.
- Yeah?
They're stopping.
Let's read the playlist.
Listen, this is nothing.
It's... it's... it's nothing,
but can we... can we get
Connor to lose his coat?
- Sure.
- Yeah, it's nothing.
He's... he's souring the vibe.
And he's making everyone
feel cold. It's not cold, is it?
No. It's at a good level.
Exactly. So let's encourage him
to remove his coat, if he wants,
loosen this thing up.
Look, it just... it just... it just...
it just feels like
an assh*le's birthday party.
And my thing from the very
first meeting was that
it shouldn't feel like
an assh*le's birthday party.
Yeah.
- Hey, Ken.
- Hey, Greg! The snitch bitch.
You're... Yeah. Well...
Uh, I've had too much, uh,
can I have one... one moment with you?
I'm about to do my set, so...
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Let's ride. Um, yeah, I...
I was wondering about
something because, uh,
I was just about to ask Comfry out
and then she said this slightly
worrying thing about, um,
how... how she might have
to do, like, a press brief...
You were gonna ask Comfry out?
Comfry, my employee Comfry?
Um, yeah. But... but is that right?
I mean, are you... Do you
have to spin against me?
Because I feel like things
are kind of slowing down
in... in that regard, right?
No. And she's out of your league, bro.
Well, yeah, I... I... I...
I don't see it that way.
What if I wanna ask her out?
- Uh...
- Inappropriate. But no.
It's best you don't, okay?
Too complicated. She works for me.
Clean lines. Church and State, okay?
Okay. I mean, it doesn't... I...
I don't think it really matters
- because, uh, things are...
- Well, I said no, Greg.
- Sorry?
- I said no.
Jesus, dude. Duh!
You're like the world's
biggest f*cking parasite.
You're a human tapeworm.
Maybe stop feeding
on your own f*cking family,
and try sucking some
blood elsewhere. Yeah?
- (LAUGHING)
- GREG HIRSCH: What?
- I'm kidding.
- Okay.
- KENDALL: Or am I?
- I have... I have...
- Are... are you kidding? I...
- (LAUGHS)
I'm not kidding. Am I, or am I?
What's up?
Wow.
f*cking assh*le, man.
(SCREEN BUZZES)
(SCREEN BUZZES)
- ♪ (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Look at their faces. So f*cking dour.
It's a festivity.
People are supposed to be festive.
It's f*cking bullshit.
Roman and Dad necking
in the catbird seat.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Did you know anything
about this buyout thing?
Why is no one happy?
What... what... what is this?
Babe, you're harshing your
own mellow, just calm down.
♪ (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
CONNOR: I mean, that is
some substantial rigging.
- What do you think that cost?
- I don't know, baby.
Hi, Connor. I'd like to offer you
a complimentary cashmere sweater.
We're handing them out
to prestige guests.
I have my coat. I'm fine.
Well, the coat check
was supposed to take that,
but I'd be happy to.
Respectfully, I don't
trust those things.
I lost a Norwegian Wool in a
fusion restaurant in Vancouver.
Kendall would really appreciate it
- if you took the sweater.
- What?
Hey, my partner is cold
and he'd like to keep
his f*cking coat on, okay?
And he's running to
be the next President
of the United States of America,
so maybe you should show
him some f*cking respect.
She would not f*ck off.
Yeah, she did.
Hi, I had to k*ll a man for it,
but step aside, hombre, let me in.
I'm sorry, sir. I really can't.
He said you're not coming in.
Yeah. He was joking.
That's my brother, okay?
- You can Google it. It's not a...
- Sir.
Are you touching me?
This man is groping the guests.
You do not have my permission.
You do not have my
permission to touch me.
♪ (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
ROMAN: Hey.
There you are, f*cking hiding from me.
Like a human VPN.
- How you doing?
- I'm all right.
I'm just, uh, you know,
you can fill in the blanks.
No, I hear you.
It's f*cking life, right?
It's f*cking exhausting.
I just wanna find a good p*ssy
and get out, you know.
ROMAN: Uh-huh.
- Mission, side mission.
- (LAUGHS) I hear you, man.
I f*cking love p*ssy. You see my mom's?
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)
You seen my mom's?
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- It's not... it's not great.
No, um, sure. I mean,
not touching that one.
Um, question.
My old man got a little bit
grumpy this morning,
but you weren't trying
to humiliate him, right? I mean,
everyone says, I mean,
f*cking everyone says,
last big legacy content library,
last f*cking super app
streaming platform.
We fit obviously, right?
- People say we fit.
- Yeah.
Well, I guess I do have
one question, though.
Yeah, hit me up.
When will your father die?
When will... When will my father die?
- LUKAS MATSSON: Yeah.
- Um...
Like, I don't wanna be rude, but...
what kinda shape is he in?
We're talking less than a year,
or it's more like five years?
- Um...
- 'Cause if it's five, that's...
- it's a long time.
- Uh-huh.
It... it would be better
sooner, wouldn't it?
(LAUGHS)
No, no, no. I know, like,
we're... we're laughing here,
but you know, that is my dad,
so, you know...
- Right. Yeah.
- Go easy there, chief!
- LUKAS: No, I... I can tell that it's a bit weird for you.
- That's okay.
It's just I... I don't like
the idea of a man...
- hanging over me.
- Oh, f*ck yeah.
No, I... I can understand.
Who the f*ck wants that? Yeah.
The guru guy who's f*cking...
f*cking bullshit, you know?
- ROMAN: Okay.
- 'Cause it's...
it's not my world, media.
- ROMAN: Yeah.
- So...
- His death would clear space.
- Mm-hmm.
- LUKAS: With due respect.
- Yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no.
I know. Um, I mean, like,
we're all obviously...
hugely looking forward
to my father dying,
but, um, there... there's
another shape to this.
How about you never ever
have to speak to him?
I mean, you work out of, uh, Austin,
London, Stockholm, Geneva, whatever.
Totally separate corporate identities,
- and StarGo we burn, obviously.
- Yes.
- Yes, please.
- Okay.
- Like burn the codes and f*cking...
- (LAUGHS)
- ... acid bath those servers!
- f*cking we can do that.
We can do that together. Let's do it.
- Yeah.
- Absolutely. I mean, GoJo full bore.
I mean, our library, our firepower,
our relationships for content.
And like good sh*t,
you know what I mean?
Like not f*cking gay moms
and wheelchair kids bullshit,
like popular actual good sh*t.
And on the occasion that
you need to send up
a f*cking smoke signal from Geneva,
then that goes through me.
You won't ever, ever
have to deal with him.
- All right.
- Or see him, or talk to him, or hear... nothing.
And you know that StarGo truly,
truly is a piece of sh*t.
It's a piece of sh*t. I know.
I like to open it just to see how long
it takes for the landing page to load.
It is a piece of sh*t.
Hey, why don't we, um...
Why don't we just, like, take
a big old piss on our app?
I'm going to open up
the app on my phone,
and we can stream some piss
on our little streaming platform.
- How's that sound?
- f*ck yeah.
- Nineteen, twenty...
- (CHUCKLES)
- ... twenty-one, twenty-two.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, I can't piss near
other men due to...
we don't know what reason,
but please. (CLICKS TONGUE)
- Go ahead.
- Don't mind if I do.
Yeah. Enjoy.
(GROANS, LAUGHS)
So, I know GoJo is your baby,
and we do not wanna
interfere with that at all.
- You're the genius.
- Damn right I am.
Yep, so bearing that in mind,
would you consider meeting with my dad?
Yeah.
And you'd be interested
in selling to us maybe?
Yeah, well, if all this
is true, then... yeah.
- How's Monday?
- Monday is great.
And if I were to shake your
hand right now, could I go
tell my dad that I basically
just bought GoJo for him?
(CHUCKLES) No.
But you can tell him
I'm in the conversation.
- f*cking A, I'll take it.
- Okay. Take this.
(CHUCKLES) Will do.
- Are we amazing?
- (CHUCKLES)
I think I might be the best
businessman in America.
Hey, check this out.
Still f*cking loading.
- You piece of sh*t.
- sh*t.
- ROMAN: f*ck you! (SPITS)
- (LUKAS LAUGHS)
Okay. (SIGHS) If you wanna
put on the harness,
you can tuxedo up,
step up onto the footrest.
Then we'll strap you in.
You'll have seconds,
and the rig will fly you up
and into position.
You'll have a three, two, one,
and you'll see the green light, okay?
That's the countdown to the intro.
You ready? You ready
to crucify Billy Joel?
Yeah, yeah.
(CHUCKLES) I'm just kidding.
You're gonna be great.
Remember the thing he said
about the rig spiraling,
so just, like, keep still, yeah?
That sounded serious.
Okay. Harness, then Mic.
Ready to rock? You wanna get changed?
Yeah, you know what? Uh...
I don't think I'm gonna do this.
You don't wanna do it?
No, it's... it's... (SCOFFS)
It's bullshit. No.
Because you did say
if you don't lean right in,
it could come across dumb.
And your speech kind of
tees it up with a kind of ironic,
"This is the culmination
of my life's journey,
to be crucified to save
you morons, and..."
I'm not doing it. It's... it's...
it's like layers overdetermined
master's degree f*cking hokum.
Let's just... let's just pull it.
I mean, what... what is it?
It's dressed in a tuxedo,
nailed to a cross,
singing "Honesty" by Billy Joel?
It doesn't make any f*cking sense.
Uh, what about the Tiny Wu-Tang?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Ah, f*ck. Uh...
I don't know. I don't...
You know what? I don't think so.
No? Okay.
Tell 'em they've got it
all ahead of them. Yeah.
That's a f*cking relief.
♪ ("DON'T GAS ME" BY DIZZEE RASCAL
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
♪ Make a turn and dip
with the bass on max ♪
♪ Yeah, they heard my sh*t
yeah, they heard my sh*t ♪
♪ Streaming, no CDs ♪
♪ No burners skipped got the playlist ♪
♪ There I don't burn and rip
on the M ♪
♪ Yeah, I swerve and slip
yeah, I swerve and slip ♪
♪ Took a pop and a car rolled up ♪
♪ And they said, "Swear down"
and I said, "Don't gas me" ♪
♪ They said, "Fam, you're a star
can I get a quick pic ♪
♪ For the 'gram?"
And I said, "Don't gas me" ♪
♪ Messed around one pretty brown ting ♪
♪ Said she love me long time
and I said, "Don't gas me" ♪
♪ I went shop and the boss man said ♪
♪ "Don't pay me, it's fine"
and I said, "What" ♪
♪ You ain't gotta gas I'm gas, fam... ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
Oh, hey.
- Hey, Comf, how's it going?
- Hey. Good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it's good.
Ken had me try to call
Springsteen to rescue the vibe
and then that got countermanded
and now I'm working on a...
jetpack for him to leave through
the retractable ceiling
that takes hours to move, so...
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)
- (SIGHS)
Yeah, I mean a lot of the ideas
are jokes, but some aren't.
Very weird. Yes, indeed. (CLEARS THROAT)
What?
No, me... No, nothing. Yeah.
Ye... Yeah, um...
It's stupid, but earlier, um,
before I heard you were gonna
orchestrate a smear campaign against me,
I... I was actually gonna ask you
if you wanted to grab a drink sometime.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, but then, um, Kendall,
you know, Ken... Kendall, he said, um...
COMFRY: He said what?
He just said maybe not.
Clean lines. Church and State.
Wrong time, wrong place. But...
but maybe...
when... when you're not
working for him anymore
and trying to destroy my reputation
- and, and such...
- You know, I've spent a week
researching where to get
lunchboxes from the ' s
to serve canapes from?
Like the one he used to take to school.
And then he decided that
he didn't want lunchboxes,
and so now I have all these He-Man
lunchboxes in my apartment,
and I have to resell them on eBay,
and his office wants receipts.
So if you wanna ask me out,
then ask me out.
- Do you wanna go out sometime?
- Yes.
Great.
Wow. She's... she's
really dancing there.
Very... very emancipated.
♪ No burners skipped got the playlist ♪
♪ There I don't burn and rip
on the M ... ♪
Do you know what she's taken?
I don't think she's taken anything.
Just getting the demons out, I guess.
KENDALL: Hey, you found
the gift from my kids?
Um, I don't believe so.
No? Uh-huh. Well, uh...
Okay. That's not good.
Uh, will you give us a moment, please?
They made me something
apparently, so I gotta find it.
Hey, Ken, it'll... it'll turn up.
Uh-huh. Well, it won't turn up
if we don't look for it.
- Well, I know that.
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm just saying.
(MUTTERING) Where the f*ck is it?
Hey, Ken, take a break.
Would you like my gift?
Yeah. Yes, I would.
Yes, I would love that.
- NAOMI: It's a watch.
- Okay. Wow. Yeah. Thanks.
- Thanks, Nay.
- I'm, like, really bad at presents. (LAUGHS)
- It... I like it, all right.
- Just... just give it back.
- No, I like it. I like it.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.
Thanks, Nay. Is it, uh...
Can I see? Is it...
is it... is it, um...
- inscribed, or...
- No, it's just a stupid watch.
Okay? I'll get you something else.
Do you, uh... want a blow job?
Hah. No, it's just...
I don't wanna be a d*ck,
but I... I have a watch,
you know, I have my watch.
It's a shitty gift, okay?
- I'm... bad.
- No, Nay, listen.
Yeah, I'm just trying to get
inside your head and figure out
why you would give me this gift.
Yeah, it's fine.
- It's fine.
- Ken?
Hey! Ken, come on.
Ken, come on, seriously, okay? Look...
- I'm gonna look for that gift.
- Hey, stop.
Ken, Jesus. Hey, calm...
Stop, stop, stop.
- Just chill!
- (KENDALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
This is so pathetic.
I wish I was...
What?
I wish I was home.
Let's go home.
Are you okay?
Yes, I'm okay, Greg. Why do
you keep asking if I'm okay?
Well, just... I haven't seen
you smile in, like six hours.
You don't have to smile
to be happy, Greg.
I'm enjoying very much
thinking about myself
and my own various skills and abilities.
Shall we try the compliment tunnel?
- Sure.
- It could be nice.
- Why are you so happy?
- Ooh!
- Me?
- Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) Well, uh,
actually, because I, uh,
I have met the most
wonderful girl in the world.
You're just fantastic.
Yes, I am amazing. Amazing.
I mean, it's possible she's
only going out with me
due to, you know, rancor or pique.
COMPLIMENTER: You're so full of grace.
- What's that?
- I think he said you're full of grace.
That's a weird thing to say.
You being sarcastic?
- He being sarcastic?
- No, I think it's...
Full of gra... Full of
f*cking what? What?
- What did you say?
- Wait. Tom, To... Easy.
He's just... You're
doing the job, right?
And he's had a little cocaine
tonight, so I think he's...
Dude, don't say that. Don't say that.
I'm a public figure who could
one day run for high office
or lead a Fortune . Don't say that.
All right. He's a lovely guy. (CHUCKLES)
You're doing great work.
You're so merry.
Well, yeah, it's just...
I don't know. I... I'm excited
about my date. I like her.
- What can I say? It's exciting.
- You're the best.
- GREG: Thank you.
- TOM: f*ck off.
You seem much happier than me, Greg.
I feel happy, I guess.
It's not a finite pie,
- we can both happy.
- Uh-huh, sure.
But it's supposed to be me
that's happy, and it's you.
How did that happen? Huh?
I took the wrong dr*gs
in the wrong order,
and I can't get happy.
Well, can't you just
be happy you're free?
No, 'cause you've ruined it.
- How have I ruined it?
- I don't know. You just have.
♪ (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- ROMAN: Hey, there she is.
- SHIV: Hey.
- ROMAN: Hey.
- What are you up to? What's going on?
I heard you were speaking.
Did you get to Matsson?
Are you okay? Onlookers reported
you having some kind of breakdown.
People were anxious that
you maybe swallowed your tongue.
Yeah, I was dancing.
I heard it looked like a cry for help.
"The Dance of the Sugar
Plum Failure". (GIGGLES)
- f*ck you. You spoke to him?
- Uh, yup.
- SHIV: And?
- You mind if I don't say?
(LAUGHS) Are you f... Okay, come on.
All right. Don't worry about it,
Shivvy. I'll handle it.
You can go cut a rug.
- Rome, seriously, come on.
- I am being serious.
I will talk to Dad and see
if he wants to loop you in.
He often does like to loop you in.
Rome, just... just f*cking tell me.
This is important, and
I might need to finesse.
- Oh, you need to finesse?
- Yeah.
Thank you. That's kind.
How would you finesse
something that's done?
What, by ruining it?
- No, by making sure you don't...
- The thing is that Lukas and I
have, like, a thing, and I
don't see how you fit in.
You know what? If you wanna
show off to somebody,
maybe do it to somebody
who gives a sh*t.
You're having a very
bad day, I know that,
what with hearing that you have
to continue to share your apartment
with the old meat wardrobe,
but, you know,
try to keep your wig on, yeah?
- I'm the one in a functioning relationship.
- Sure you are.
I saw you, you know, I saw
you sipping Dad's champagne
looking like you were sucking a lemon.
I don't drink on workdays...
- You don't drink on workdays.
- ... because I have self-control.
Okay. That's what that is. Okay.
I thought maybe you were thinking
about all the d*ck you were gonna ride
- when he was inside?
- Oh, my f*cking God.
You know what? No one likes
talking about me f*cking guys
- as much as you do. Do you know that?
- Mm-hmm.
SIOBHAN: Why is that? Is that because
you're the COO who can't f*ck?
Hmm. (CLICKS TONGUE) Mmm.
Did you think Tom was going to jail?
- Did you? Did you?
- No, I'm happy he's not going to jail.
Oh, I'm sure you are.
You look really happy.
Did you think he was, though? Maybe?
He... There was a chance
he was going to jail?
Maybe Dad was gonna go to jail?
f*ck, maybe I was gonna go to jail.
And because Kendall's... (CLICKS TONGUE)
... that it was all about you.
You thought it was ladies' night
and they were playing your song,
but guess what?
You were wrong! All the men
got together in man club
and we decided, sweetheart,
everything's fine, so just...
- We got it.
- You know, he is using you
as a messenger boy, but as usual...
- Mm-hmm.
- ... you're too f*cking dumb to see it.
It's difficult. I get it.
It's very difficult for you
to have to do the dance for Dad
because you just suck at dancing.
You're a piece of sh*t, you know that?
ROMAN: It turns out he loves it
when I do the Daddy dance,
but I guess that's because he loves me.
He loves f*cking me, and he just
doesn't wanna f*ck you anymore.
What are you even talking
about? You're so gross.
(LAUGHS) Oh, Daddy doesn't
love his little carrot top
even when she does her
little Daddy dance.
- Dad-Daddy, Dad-Daddy dance.
- I f*cking hate you, man.
Oh, sh*t. Look who it is.
It's birthday boy. Hey!
- Happy birthday, man.
- Enough, yeah?
Oh, okay. Yeah. Sorry. Good night.
Neither of you should be in here.
Oh my God, you're right.
Someone call the cops!
Intruders have breached
the masturbatorium!
KENDALL: You're both full of sh*t.
And you came here
to f*ck me behind my back.
And you're ghouls and you're disgusting.
- Sorry. Whoops.
- Can we get them out?
- ROMAN: Oh, get them out?
- KENDALL: Can we get them out, please?
Um, it's a little late for that, buddy.
I already spoke to Mattson.
Who hates you, by the way,
and laughs at you constantly.
Just stop.
ROMAN: Oh, what?
Go easy on birthday boy?
Did you come here to see me at all?
You didn't, did you, Shiv?
Well, look, we haven't been
getting along that great lately,
so what do you think? Surprised?
- GoJo was my idea.
- (LAUGHS)
- You stole my idea.
- "You stole my idea".
What are you, f*cking six?
Dude, you lost. No big deal.
No need to cry about it. You lost.
You like the spying, Shiv?
On my daughter?
- Oh.
- On your niece? You like that?
- Okay. Lay off the dr*gs, Ken.
- ROMAN: It's not a f*cking big deal.
- Who gives a sh*t?
- We are spying?
ROMAN: Yes, of... Oh, come on.
Of course we are.
It's a f*cking party game.
He's in Dad's sh*t,
so we're up in his,
everybody's in the sh*t.
- Don't act like you're f*cking clean.
- No, okay. That is disgusting.
It's disgusting? What, you're
siding with him now? Traitor?
I'm just saying there's a line, bro.
- f*cking Sophie and Iverson? They're kids.
- ROMAN: Oh, there's a line now?
There's a f*cking line now?
No line for him,
no line for you,
but there's a line for me?
You're a bunch of stuck-up
c**ts who can't f*cking bear
to see me win. That's it.
That's all this is.
You're not a real person.
You know that? You're not a real person.
You're not real.
Come on. Why don't you hit me maybe?
- Come on.
- Come on, shitty Jesus.
You know you want to.
Just f*cking hit me. Do it.
"I'm not a real person". f*ck you.
All right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Have a good birthday, okay, fuckface?
- CONNOR: Hey, what is this?
- Oh, sh*t! Oh, f*ck!
(LAUGHING) Are you okay? Happy birthday.
Everybody just take it easy, okay?
(ROMAN LAUGHING)
Take your coat off.
- Take your f*cking coat off.
- That's enough. That's enough.
KENDALL: Take your f*cking coat off!
- (ROMAN GIGGLES)
- Like a f*cking eight-year-old.
You're an assh*le.
It's funny. It's funny.
You're gonna laugh at it later.
- Let's... let's...
- You're gonna wake up in the middle of the night...
- Let's go.
- ... and be like, "That was funny".
To the birthday boy.
♪ (QUIET PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Hey, you wanna go someplace else?
Like out, out? Now?
No thanks, honey.
I might be up for a while.
Hey, Dad. I nailed him.
I am the only child you'll ever need.
You can k*ll the others. Love you.
Hey, you can piss off.
I'm gonna walk home.
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
Hey.
I think the party's over, yeah?
Yeah. Just a party.
Let it fizzle. Come.
♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪