15x11 - The Night Before Christmas

[bunniefuu]

MARGARET: She didn't even know him.

Yet he bequeathed her his entire estate.

It's worth millions.

- RUTH: Three and a half million.
- Oh.

My understanding is that Dr. Ogden

saved his life on the operating table.

Yes, but he d*ed, didn't he?

No heirs and a ten-room mansion.

Julia suggested turning
it into an orphanage

and using the remaining
estate to maintain it.

So, he left it to you instead?

Yes, he left it in my capable hands

to see that his wishes be fulfilled.

You ever been to the Maitland estate?

No. I'd never even
heard of the man in fact.

Some sort of toymaker, I understand?

He was the Toy King!

When I was a lad, he'd throw
a Christmas party every year.

Invite all the kids from town.

Toys everywhere. The
whole house is a toy.

At least it was before
little Annie d*ed.

Little Annie?

His daughter.

Sweetest little thing.

d*ed Christmas day; scarlet fever.

The following year, on
Christmas, his wife left him,

went back to New York with her kids.

No one's seen him since them.

Spent the last years being
a hermit in this big old house.

- Effie, look at this.
- Beautiful house.

Oh, George, look, it's beautiful.

Whoa.

Was it in Mr. Maitland's will
that we spend Christmas here?

Actually, it was the
servants who invited us.

I believe it's their way of
saying thank you for being kept on.

[BABY CRIES]

They may regret that decision.

Welcome! Dr. Ogden, I presume?

Mr. Burnside! It's a
pleasure to finally meet you.

Mm.

May I introduce our maid and cook?

Ah, Mary Farn?

And Gwen Luff.

Very good, ma'am.

Over here! Should be fine for now.

Bloody hell, Higgins. We're
only here for two nights.

These are all for Ruth's tableau, sir.

A what?

I don't fully understand myself, sir.

There are no Christmas decorations.

Well, that's not surprising, I suppose,

given the history of the place.

Look at this place!

Yes. It's a shame to be
wasting it on those orphans.

- Of course.
- Oh, no, no.

That's to be put with
the others, right there.

We've never had servants before.

Well, don't let it go to your head.

OGDEN: It really is magnificent.

You could always keep it for yourself.

It may be Christmas,

but I have no intention
of being Ebenezer Scrooge.

How lovely.

Ah, here we are!

Dr. Julia Ogden and husband.

[LAUGHS]

- And you're here.
- Oh! Yes, I can see that. Thank you.

Is there anything else you need?

Oh, yes. Yes! Oh, where do I even begin?

Come in! Come in, come in, come in.

- Here we are.
- Thank you.

MARGARET: Oh, look at this room!

I wonder which one our room is then?

Well, it must be this one here.

Good gracious!

Could you imagine growing
up in a room like this?

My parents didn't go in
for this kind of thing.

What? You didn't play with toys?

I had an abacus.

[CHIMES]

[THROAT CLEARING]

I'm sorry, sir. This room
is not for occupation.

Yours is across the hall.

Yes, of course.

Um... Was this Annie's room?

It was, sir.

Mr. Maitland wanted
it left as she had it.

Miss Newsome, I will
escort you to your room.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

Constable Crabtree and
I have recently wed.

I see.

Very good, then.

Effie?

It is Christmas, George.

Henry and I have a project
that demands our attention,

so if you could avail
yourself as a nanny

that would be wonderful.

Oh, I'm not much good with babies.

Oh, well, Jordan will
be no problem for you.

She loves everybody.

Oh, look! She's waking up.

Hello, my darling, hello.

[BABY CRYING]

Oh, well, uh...

This is an orphanage now,
so best get used to it.

Shh, shh, shh...

[GRUNTING EFFORTS]

Oh!

What would baby Jesus wear, hm?

Uh, this is just for the tableau, right?

Well, I don't plan on dressing
her as Jesus on a regular basis.

Oh.

RUTH: Hello, my little one.

William, are these
Christmas tree lights?

I know what you're thinking!

Last time you took out the
power in the entire building.

Yes, but I've solved that problem.

You better have.

Now, this is for you.

But we open gifts Christmas morning.

Yes, but this is your
Christmas gift from last year.

Remember?

I gave you a card that said
your present was coming.

Well, this is it.

A whole year later.

No! days later.

I had to get it specially made

and it took a little
longer than anticipated.

It's a pair of glasses with
two different magnifying lenses,

- just like the one that you saw in...
- In New York! Yes!

[LAUGHS]

Wonderful! Thank you.

Ha!

Well...

This must be for me.

Yes.

But you don't get to
open it until tomorrow.

OGDEN: Fine.

BURNSIDE: Christmas decorations?

We're happy to make our own,

but if there are any here already?

Well, I don't know. Mr. Maitland
didn't celebrate Christmas.

It was a rather hard
time of year for him.

Are you looking for decorations?

Ah, we are. Yes.

- There's a box in the basement.
- Oh!

Very good! Have at it, then.

It will be nice to have a bit
of Christmas around the house.

All right, then.

You're from the old country.

I am, sir, although I
have been here a while.

I can't quite place your accent.

Would you like me to tell you, sir,

or would you prefer to guess?

- Devon.
- Sorry, sir.

- Mm.
- Sir?

Dear God!

Shall we procure a Christmas tree?

- Why not?
- A tree! Yes, of course.

I'll get it.

Very good, sir.

HART: Where is everyone?

By everyone I assume you
mean those that are not me.

I can see where you are.

They've all decamped to a
small town north of here.

Ah, yes. The Maitland estate.

You didn't go?

Oh, someone has to man
the station over Christmas,

- might as well be me.
- Hm.

You hate Christmas?

I'm Jewish by birth, a doubter by nature

and a cynic by experience.

But, more than all that, I find
myself incapable of forced cheer.

Amen to that.

As you may know, Mr. Maitland
used to be a toymaker.

EFFIE: Oh, George, look.

I've always wanted one of these.

The decorations are right here.

They're a tad dusty.

Oh, that's fine! We'll dust them off.

It'll be lovely to see
them up after so much time.

Would it be possible to
bring the dollhouse upstairs?

Of course.

- Ma'am.
- Thank you so much.

Oh.

Oh, I can make another
bowl, if you'd like.

No. No-no. It's all right.

I'm a chef. I'm not used to being
called on to make popped corn.

No, this will do splendidly.

I just. I feel I have to be
a little bit more reclined.

Like this.

I've just given birth to the
son of God. I'm exhausted.

- [BABY CRIES]
- Oh!

Must need her nappy changed.

Yoo-hoo! Luff!

- So, this is the kitchen.
- Yes, ma'am.

It's so big.

And look at your stove!

Is that a Hoffman?

I have always wanted a Hoffman.

Oh! Sugarplums!

Very Christmasy.

And I see we're having duck for dinner.

Not quite plucked!

Can I help you, ma'am?

No. Uh,

- I just thought that perhaps...
- I'm sorry. I need to concentrate.

If you need anything,
please use the bell.

Of course. I... Yes. All right.

All right.

Ah, sirs?

I know.

We're going to need a bigger bucket.

Oh, my.

CRABTREE: That must be Mr. Maitland.

EFFIE: Oh. Well, there's Mrs. Maitland.

Oh, George, look!

These must be his stepchildren.

CRABTREE: Effie, that
must be little Annie.

[CHIMES]

Someone's in Annie's room.

I don't have anything for you.

It's for the both of us.

Kentucky's finest!

Aged years.

This is worth a month's salary.

- For some, I suppose.
- But not you?

I work for personal fulfillment.

I accept your largesse.

All right.

Cheers.

Hello? What brings you three here?

- Are you a policeman?
- I am.

Ah, well. Thank you.

It's not for you!

We found it lying on the street.

Hmm.

Let's see.

- Oh!
- Oh, my goodness!

MAUREEN: We need to find the owner.

Julia. Have you been peeking?

Of course not!

Although it has been driving me mad.

Someone's opened the box.

Maybe one of the servants?

Perhaps Margaret.

She is a bit nosy.

Can't you give me just a clue?

Right.

It's a night in the Galapagos

without leaving your bed.

It rattles. How curious.

Don't shake it too much

and leave it right here on the table

until tomorrow morning.

Well, morning starts at midnight.

Not if I can help it.

WATTS: I never saw
you as the puppy type.

I love puppies.

It's people I'm lukewarm on.

To PJ, love Mother and Father.

Look, we're not going to be able
to find the owner on Christmas Eve.

But it's a Christmas present!

PJ is going to be very disappointed.

Well, put up posters on Boxing Day.

Take the puppy home for now.

We don't have a home.

We're orphans.

Never mind. We'll just
go door-to-door. Let's go.

Wait.

So, you're going to help us?

Well, he is a detective.

- Let's see if he's any good.
- Ha!

I know you don't believe in ghosts,

but then how do you explain the
noises we heard from Annie's room?

I'm a lawyer, George.

I don't require an explanation.

I just need reasonable doubt.

Well, here's your ghost.

I think that's Annie.

OGDEN: William, all I know is
that it rattles when I shake it.

- Would you like another clue?
- Yes! I'd like another clue.

And make it a riddle,
a little rattle riddle.

I make a sound if I am round,

but not if I've been in the ground.

[SIGHS]

For goodness' sake!

Thank you, Mr. Burnside.

Ah, just Burnside will suffice, sir.

Cumbria.

Sorry, sir.

Huh.

I've got nothing to do.

Good. Just relax. Enjoy it.

I can't.

I think, perhaps, I'm not cut
out for the high life after all.

All right! Everyone, it's time
to get ready for the tableau.

What is this bloody tableau
thing she's on about?

Oh, she wants to photograph
us all in a manger scene.

- Where's the manger?
- Just go along.

I will be seated here on the
chaise with the baby Jesus.

Joseph will be standing next to me here.

Gentlemen of the constabulary,
you'll be the Three Wise Men.

Ah! I'm good with that.

Ah, the rest of you will
be a shepherd, sheep.

I believe we have an ox.

- Oh, servants, too!
- Oh, there's no way!

- Julia, I...
- Come, come. Come, come, come! Quickly.

Oh! And we need someone
to take the photo.

I'll do that.

Ah.

Oh, Henry! The gifts.

The gifts, the gifts.
Yes. Uh... Sir, the gold.

And, uh, frankincense and myrrh.

I don't know which is which.

- Detective Murdoch!
- Yes, yes. I just need to connect the lights.

RUTH: All right.

MURDOCH: And...

OGDEN: William! Not again!

Oh, dear.

Looking for clues, Detective?

Mrs. Hart, I detect mockery.

And I will take it as a challenge.

So...

You found this package where exactly?

- Queen Street.
- Very good.

And on which side of the street?

East.

There's no east side
of Queen Street, silly.

It was the south side.

Well, if it was the south side,

we can suppose it fell
from a vehicle heading east.

So, let's assume somewhere east

of this point

is a child by the name of PJ.

Now, what do P and J stand for?

Christian first and middle name.

Like Paul James MacArthur?

I once knew a PJ.

I also knew an RJ and an AJ.

Can you guess what the J stood for?

- John.
- Jacob.

Jingleheimer Schmidt!

All good guesses.

But in each case the J stood for Junior.

Now, if that's the case, the
father's name likely starts with a P.

This is our station's local directory.

Your job is to circle each first name

that starts with a P.

Your job is to note

which of those names

have addresses east of Parliament.

You will put pins where those
addresses are on the map.

And I will enjoy some
of your fine bourbon.

It has nothing to do

with the Christmas tree lights, George.

- The power went out!
- If you say so, sir.

They're connected to a battery!

Can we please take the picture?

Everyone! Assume your positions!

On the count of three. Ready?

One. Two...

[ALL MURMUR HAPPILY]

William, that was so odd.

I had the strangest feeling that
there was someone right behind me.

Gave me a chill.

Listen, I know you two don't
believe in the spirit world, but...

Well, sir, I suppose you
believe in a disembodied soul.

George, we are not being
haunted by your ghost.

No, but I do think there's something

- very odd about this house.
- Indeed.

I would like four
copies of those, please.

- They're to be your Christmas presents.
- Oh.

You do develop photographs, do you not?

Well, yes, of course, but I haven't
brought the supplies with me.

Oh! That's all right.
I've brought them with me.

Thank you.

- Is everything all right?
- I've never cooked for so many people.

Well, are the ducks in the oven?

They went in at, uh, six?

Did you baste them?

No. No, no. It's all right. Ah, dear.

Um... oh! Ha-ha.

Let me tell you: I have
cooked for twelve people

and it is all in the timing.

Oh! Thank goodness.

Now, just do everything I tell you.

Mmm-hmm.

OGDEN: Oh, my. Look
at this. What a spread!

They even have Christmas crackers.

Does that mean we have to wear
those silly, bloody paper hats?

I'm afraid so, Inspector.

Ooh! Roast duck!

I'll wear a paper hat for that.

You have me to thank for that.

- You?
- I helped out.

It's a good thing, too.
She's a terrible cook.

- Shall we say grace?
- No, no, no, no, no!

Crackers first.

Everyone!

- Here you go, Ruthie.
- All right, then, Margaret.

- You grab that.
- Thomas, one, two, three.

Shall we?

Ah!

Oh!

A bit too much powder in that one.

I don't even know where the prize went.

Likely in the next
room, by the sound of it.

[RATTLING]

It rattles after I shake it. Why?

Julia!

The temptation is too great!

Oh, go ahead and open it.

It doesn't really matter.

No! I'm not going to.

I'm not going to think about
it until tomorrow morning.

And look, it's for you.

Ooh! Sugar plums.

- Delicious!
- I couldn't possibly after that meal.

Mm.

Look!

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house,

not a creature was
stirring except for a mouse.

I'm going to give my sugar plum to him.

Oh, Julia. We shouldn't.

JULIA: It's Christmas for mice, too.

I see. Thank you.

Merry Christmas to you.

That was the last of
those that have telephones.

For the rest we'll have to go knocking.

- Well, don't just stand there.
- Coats on.

[COUGHS]

Oh! Julia!

What's happening?

William, smoke!

Did you close the damper?

It should be open.

Ah!

Someone put this inside
to block the flue.

That has to be deliberate.

Is someone trying to k*ll us?

I assumed you were from the same family.

Charlie is Tammy's brother.

- I met them at Sacred Heart.
- Oh.

Is that where you are now?

He doesn't have to know.

Charlie and Tammy were
going to be split up

so they ran away.

I went with them.

So, you're living on the streets?

Where do you sleep?

Sheds or porches, mostly.

This time of year, they'll
sometimes let you sleep inside.

All right. Last door.

Cross fingers.

Merry Christmas.

- Are you Peter Smith?
- I am.

Do you have a son named Peter Junior?

- I do.
- Oh.

Is this your puppy?

No, it isn't. I wish it
was. Such a cute fellow.

Oh! I'll buy him from you.

How much?

Ah, I'll give you five dollars.

That's a lot of money.

But it's not his.

We've checked all the
addresses west of the river.

What about east of the river?

We don't even have a list for that.

Then we'd better get started.

Apologies.

[COUGHING]

- What's going on?
- Get Mrs. Brackenreid.

Sir? It's after midnight.

- Is everyone all right?
- Yes. Why?

- Is that smoke I smell?
- Yes.

We believe someone's trying to k*ll us.

All of us?

No. Just the two of us, it would seem.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

[DISTANT SCREAM]

Ruthie?

I stepped on it!

Is that what k*lled it?

I believe it was dead already.

MURDOCH: Well, perhaps
we are all targets.

I don't think so.

Unless you gave me a
rattlesnake for Christmas.

Pardon?

It's dry.

Well, did you think it would be wet?

A bit slimy, anyways.

What happened to the
gift I made for you?

I think it must have been
swapped out for a rattlesnake.

Bloody hell.

Does this mean you're the target?

Well, sir, we're the only two
who knew who that box was for.

Well, then it's more likely
it's you, me ol' mucker.

It's got to be one of the servants.

Sir, what if one of them is a
criminal you've helped convict?

My money's on the butler.

He's got a very strange accent.

Oh, Thomas, you just can't place it.

I think it's the cook.

- Why do you say that?
- She can't cook.

Well, surely she's not alone in that.

William!

RUTH: I think it's the maid.

Every time Jordan sees her, she cries.

- What?
- Well, that's very suspicious.

Right. How did the snake die?

That's a good question.
I intend to find out.

Right. Let's get the servants up.

Sir, we need to learn more before
we begin leveling accusations.

We won't get answers until
we've asked questions, Murdoch.

But, sir, if the k*ller is still intent,

we could be placing ourselves in danger.

Right, then.

Let's go!

BURNSIDE: What's this all about, sir?

Don't 'sir' me. Where are you from?

- The accent?
- Sir.

- Hampshire.
- Bollocks.

But I spent my childhood in Cornwall.

Uh.

I suppose that does explain the west
country twang every now and again.

- What time is it?
- What's going on?

What's going on is that one of you three

is trying to k*ll Detective Murdoch.

Yes, I know that it is Christmas.

Yes, I know what time it is

and that's why I'm
offering you dollars.

Thank you.

I've got a list of names.

If we start calling now
it shouldn't take too long.

Merry Christmas, Detective.

You too, Detective.

Merry Christmas, operator.
Could you please call...

FP ?

OGDEN: When I cut open the snake,

I found the mouse, partially digested.

When I dissected the
mouse, I found this.

Sugar plum.

I found traces of it in the
snake's digestive system, as well.

- Poison.
- I suspect cyanide.

- That was your sugar plum.
- Yes.

I believe I'm the target.

That makes no sense.

It does if you consider
the laws of survivorship.

Which are?

They pertain to situations
where the beneficiary of a will

dies shortly after the testator.

How long after?

Within a month, usually.

Mr. Maitland d*ed a month ago tomorrow.

What happens in that case?

The will would be nullified.

OGDEN: Then who would
be the beneficiary?

His immediate family.

- But there are none.
- EFFIE: There's always family somewhere.

If not immediate, then cousins.

Second cousins.

Is it possible one of the
servants is a second cousin?

No!

The tableau is ruined!

I hardly think that's important.

Look.

The reflection in the mirror!

OGDEN: Oh! You can see
me sneezing, I think.

MURDOCH: Oh, yes, you can.

And that's not all, Julia.

Take a look behind you.

I knew there was someone behind me!

MURDOCH: That's the axe that we
used to cut down the Christmas tree.

Oh my God. Someone was
trying to cut off my head!

All the servants are accounted
for in the photograph.

It can't be any of them.

Right.

The photograph was taken from here.

That means the hooded
figure was standing...

Somewhere here.

Sir, there's no way.

There's no way he could
have come in and left

without us noticing him.

Good Lord.

George, with me.

Right.

Sir.

Sir?

My goodness.

One thing I'll say for Irwin Maitland:

he certainly understood children.

Well, he did that, George.

Sir, what's this?

Sir, look.

I suppose that explains my ghost.

Off you go, George.

CRABTREE: Sir, what's this?

It's my gift for Julia.

Sir.

- Who is he?
- I have no idea.

He's been sh*t but he clearly
hasn't been here that long.

- I don't remember hearing a g*nsh*t.
- Neither do I.

Unless...

I'm very sorry.

Yes. Merry Christmas.

I thought you'd abandoned me.

Of course you did. I went to get gifts!

Where did you buy gifts at five
o'clock on Christmas morning?

Everything can be solved with money.

- Ah. Ah, hello? Operator?
- OPERATOR: Detective?

Yes, me again. Please call FT .

- OPERATOR: It would be my pleasure.
- I appreciate that.

I promise this is the last one.

OPERATOR: Well, all right, then.

- WOMAN: Hello?
- Merry Christmas.

I apologize for waking you.

WOMAN: You didn't wake us.

My husband just got home.

Spent the whole night
looking for a lost puppy.

Well, I predict you are going
to have a very good Christmas.

Is he the one behind all this?

He had unseen access to
nearly every room in the house.

There are secret passageways everywhere.

How would he have known about them?

He was sh*t, but he's only
been dead for a few hours.

Who would have sh*t him?

You did.

- What?
- Your Christmas cr*cker was loaded

with a secret b*llet of some sort.

You're saying he was just in the
wrong place at the wrong time?

- So, who is he?
- And why did he want to k*ll Julia?

MURDOCH: Have any of you
ever seen this man before?

- Never seen him before in my life.
- I may have an answer.

I've looked through
all Mr. Maitland's files

and his former wife
divorced him and remarried,

but her new husband never
formally adopted his children.

What does that mean?

If Dr. Ogden dies in the next few hours,

the stepchildren inherit
his entire estate.

And if I live beyond Christmas day?

They get nothing. Everything
goes to the orphans.

What, so is this chap
one of the stepchildren?

Oh, my God. It's John.

- Who's John?
- He was the eldest, I believe.

Shortly after I started,
he showed up for a visit.

It turned out he was trolling for money.

He ended up stealing the silver.

Mr. Maitland had him
banished from the house.

He learned that his stepfather had d*ed

and cooked up a plan to
get part of the estate.

It appears

that I need to make some apologies.

BURNSIDE: Not at all, sir.

I would have been suspicious myself.

- Is it Christmas yet?
- Yes, it is. And I have a present.

A teddy bear!

And for you.

Oh, boy! Mine's a g*n!

Wake up, Mo. There's presents!

Stick 'em up, copper!

MAUREEN: What's going on?

I've got a present for you.

A book! Black Beauty!

It was my favourite
when I was a little girl.

Coats on, everyone.

We've got one more job ahead of us.

I never noticed before.

The secret passageway is
built into the dollhouse.

Really?

Huh.

Shame we didn't know about that earlier.

You know, I have to admit

I always wished I'd had something
like this when I was a boy.

A dollhouse?

Well, you know, a-a...

a miniature version of our own world.

The taller one must be John.

You know, I wonder if the
other three had any idea

that they were within
a whisker of claiming

a three and a half
million dollar inheritance?

George.

Good Lord!

MURDOCH: Smells delicious!

Coffee, ma'am?

Certainly. Thank you.

Do you have any sugar?

Just a moment, sir.

One lump or two?

It's Christmas day. I
think I'll have two, please.

Thank you.

BRACKENREID: I'll have three.

Has she gone deaf?

MARGARET: She's gone
to get more, calm down.

CRABTREE: Wait! Stop! Nobody move!

Doctor, don't drink that.

- MURDOCH: George?
- They're not servants.

They're the stepchildren.

- RUTH: What's going on?
- I'm not sure, honey pie.

BRACKENREID: I knew there was
something off about that accent!

She's not a cook at all! Ugh!

MURDOCH: George, arrest them!

Sir, they're in the walls.

- Merry Christmas.
- Are you Paul?

I'm Paul Junior. You
want to speak to my dad?

No, it's all right, PJ.
I think this is for you.

Surprise!

It's a puppy! You remembered!

Come on in. It's Christmas.

Daddy, I got a puppy!

You heard him. Come inside!

- We shouldn't.
- Nonsense.

I've just made us all a
big Christmas breakfast.

You must be starving.

WATTS: Thank you.

Oh.

Aye aye. Come here. Come here!

You've never even been
to Britain, have you?

No, I have not.

Good work, Crabtree.

But I've got her all dressed
for a ride in the sled!

I can't leave until we've
caught the last one, Ruthie.

Well, if you haven't caught
her yet, she's probably gone.

[BABY CRIES]

Henry, she's going to hurt our baby!

Sir.

- Was that the police again?
- No, a telegram from Detective Watts.

Apparently, he's got
three orphans at the ready.

Oh! How wonderful.

They're going to love it here.

Thank you.

Dare I?

What is it?

It's spring-activated.

Wind it up.

[RAIN SOUNDS]

It sounds like rain on a tin roof.

Like the Galapagos!

You slept so well there.

I've made another that
sounds just like waves

crashing on the shore.

Thank you, William.

Now, I have a very special gift for you.

In the bedroom.

A sleeping baby.

Now that's a Christmas miracle.

What are you insinuating?

Oh! Just that it's a
wonderful time of life.

Oh.

It truly is.

A special present, eh?

It's not that, William.

Oh. What is it, then?

We're going to have a child.

Julia.

We're going to have a child.

Oh, oh.

Oh. Oh.

Julia, I am so happy.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, William.

Oh!