02x16 - Fountain of Ruth

[bunniefuu]

Boyz Not Men
are back together again

for two nights only.

So, I got tickets
to both nights,

living the dream
of my -year-old self

and also my -year-old self.

And they're all
going to be there.

Mikey B, the hot one.

Mikey G, the talented one.

CJ, the bad boy.

Skyler, the sensitive one,
and Brutus, the old one.

Oh, it gives me shivers.

(inhales sharply)

So, are you girls excited
to have your Grandma Ruth

watch you for the weekend?

Gabby:
Yeah, we are.

Grandma Ruth is all about
mind-numbing, dangerous fun,

and I've been training
all month just to keep up.

Do you remember the Gator Safari
from two years ago?

Announcer:
Gator Grandma!

Or what about the bungee tour
the year before that?

Announcer:
Bungee Grandma!

I know
I've chickened out before...

(chicken clucking)

But this year
I'm all gas, no brakes.

Hence the custom-made t-shirt.

It's going to be
Captain Insane-O.

- (chuckles)
- (doorbell rings)

- She's here!
- She's here!

[♪]

Grandma!

Ruth?

Girls, watch out.

I'm coming in for some sugar.

- (bones cr*ck)
- (screams)

My back.

My trick back.

- (groans)
- Dina: You're okay.

Who is this woman

and what did she do
with our grandma?

(theme song playing)

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I do normal like a fish
rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer
and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it,
just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ I roller skate
outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in,
it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay,
I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind

♪ So anytime I feel
some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand
the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing,
You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in

♪ We stand out in the crowd
and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing,
I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only,
I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in,
Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing
Thanks again
for watching the girls.

- You're sure you're okay?
- Ruth: I'm fine.

You go have some fun.

I always liked you
better than Bruce.

He might be my son, but you
are the daughter I never had.

Just don't tell
my daughter that.

- Oh! Stop!
- (phone rings)

Doug's here!

Okay, I'll be back on Sunday.

- (kisses)
- Love you.

Be good for your grandma,

- and do the dishes.
- Gabby: Have fun!

(door closes)

Good job fooling Mom
with that old

"my poor back" routine.

So what sort of dangerous
adventure are we getting into?

Well, you know what I think
would be a real adventure?

An adventure of the mind.

No offense, Grandma,

but this feels
a little soft for you.

Can't we go rent some BMX bikes

and ride into the mountains
or something?

I don't think I'm going to
get on any bikes any time soon.

I-I hurt my back skiing.

Oh, what happened?

You catch too much air
bustin' out a Triple Daffy?

Wipe out on a
Switch Double Cork ?

Switch Cork truck
driver disaster to a switch up?

Pretzel out?!

Nope.

I threw my back out
putting on my skis.

My body just isn't
what it used to be.

I guess my lifetime
of wild adventures

finally caught up to me.

I'm sorry, shrimps,

but this year's visit might
have to look a little different.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

the trip getting here
really took it out of me.

So if you don't mind,

I think I need to lie down.

(snoring)

So, looks like
we're all brakes, no gas.

(farts)

Definitely not the visit
I had in mind.

Grandmother?

You mean, when human
children have children,

the grandparents
don't just explode

into a million pieces
like us Gor-Mons do?

Apparently not.

Weird.

And this grandmother
is why Gabby

can't babysit me
this weekend?

Which means you and I

are going to be spending
a lot of time together.

(both groan)

(sighs) I don't get it.

What's so special
about grandparents

that Gabby doesn't
want to watch me

Jeremy, the Jerenstain Bear.

I don't know.

But we're going to find out.

So according to our research,

Earth grandparents seem
to exist for one reason

and one reason only.

To spoil their
grandchildren rotten.

I've never been spoiled rotten.

Me either.

But I'd like to be.

I've lived
a hard life, Principal!

Real hard!

I deserve a little spoiling,

As do I.

Do you realize
what this means, Jeremy?

You're going to
start spoiling me?

Never!

No, Jeremy.

You and I need to get ourselves
some grandparents.

Yes!

- I want mine so wrinkly.
- Ooh! Me too.

Wrinkly spoiling machines,
here we come!

(both laughing)

(Gabby grunting)

It sounds like your grandmother

has lost her warrior spirit.

That's exactly it!

She used to be so crazy.

Now, she's such a... grandma.

- (both grunt)
- Kali: Well...

it must be
weighing heavily on you

because you're a step slow.

What are you talking about?

(both grunting)

(breathing heavily)

Thanks for the sparring session.

Turns out I had a lot
of excess energy left

that I thought I was going to
burn off with Grandma Ruth.

You know, if you really
want your grandmother

to regain her warrior spirit,

you should give her
Gwargwariale.

My people drink it
before long battles

to increase their
strength and stamina.

What's in it?

Herbs, roots, the bone dust
of fallen warriors.

If this can't stoke the flame
within her, nothing will.

I don't know.

Do I really want
to give my grandma

some weird
alien energy drink

just so I can have
more fun with her?

It's for joint pain.

I think it's from Latvia.

Think of it as an adventure
for your taste buds.

Well, my joints do hurt.

And you know my motto.
I'll try anything once.

Bottoms up.

It tastes like dirt.

- I love it.
- (chuckles)

Yeah, this is
definitely the right decision.

Wow!

My joints feel better already.

Listen, no cracking.

This stuff is great!

No problem, Grandma.

Glad you...

I feel powerful!

I could do a hundred
of these things.

Two hundred,
three hundred.

I could do a thousand
of these things.

- What did you do?
- (Ruth grunting)

So I may have given Grandma

Gwargwarian energy drink.

You gave her what?

I just want fun Grandma back.

Besides, aren't you
"all gas, no brakes"?

Normally, I'd be against this...

but I did have that
shirt custom made,

so looks like
I'm down for Fun Grandma.

Grandma's back, shrimps!

Hold on to your butts,

because I got a full day
of adventure planned!

Fridge punch!

(growls)

Extreme!

Oh!

Jeremy:
Hey there, sweet silver foxes.

You want to spoil
a couple of spoily boys?

I'm so sorry about him.

What he means to say,
Mr. and Mrs. Wrinkly,

is how would you two feel about
spoiling my associate and me?

We want to get rotten.

For the last time,
you need to stop.

Oh, Julius,

how would you feel
about us developing a close

and intimate relationship
with your grandparents?

Uh, not good.

(sighs)

This is pointless.

We'll never
be spoiled at this rate.

Oh, ye burrito gods,

deliver us a grandparent,

any grandparent.

There you guys are!

I've been looking
all over for you.

Check it out.

My pet bearded dragon
had babies.

I'm a grandparent.

Oh! I can't wait to spoil
these little guys rotten.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

♪

What?

Olivia:
So much adventure.

What was your favorite part?

The hatchet throwing,

the snake wrangling,
or the extreme kayaking?

Oddly, the piggyback ride.

Grandma's back!

Where do you want to run to?

[♪]

Grandma Ruth is the best.

Now, this is the weekend
I was hoping for.

But what's going to happen
when Mom gets home?

She's going to notice Grandma
is different, right?

Kali said the alien drink
I gave her wears off.

So by the time Mom is back,
it'll be like nothing happened.

I'm going to go check
on Grandma.

(fire crackling)

Uh... Liv!

So let me get this straight,

you want me to be
your grandpa?

And spoil us, yes.

I mean,
I guess I could do that.

It would give me a chance
to work on my improv.

You know what?
"Yes and" I am in!

(laughing)

Oh, well, then it's official.

What's this?

It's for joint pain.

I think it's from Latvia.

Just drink it.

I do have weak elbows.

We did it, Jeremy!

Let the spoiling begin!

- Spoily boys for life!
- Yes!

Wes (older voice):
My hands.

What happened to me?

Let's just say your smoothie
had a dash

of Pra'axian aging serum in it.

Why?

You can't be our grandpa
if you're not old.

Duh!

(weak scream)

Olivia:
Um, Gabby?

What's this?

Okay, so looks like Grandma Ruth
did a bit of redecorating.

(gasps)

(snarls)

Hey, there, Grandma.

Whatcha been up to?

(deep voice):
My back hurt.

So I drank more joint
supplement from the fridge.

It was in the crisper.

Why'd those have
to come in -packs?

I conquered
this domain as my own.

You live in my house now.

Unless...

(metal scraping)

(grunts)

You'd like to
challenge me for it.

(squeaky voice):
No.

We're good.

I mean, who would have thought
a teensy bit of an alien energy drink

would do this to our grandma?

Yeah, Mom's definitely going to
notice this when she gets home.

I'll come up with a plan.
You keep Grandma busy.

How am I supposed to do that?

I don't know, figure it out.

All gas, no brakes, remember?

Hey, Grandma.

Wanna play Pachisi?

(snorts)

(growling)

(scared voice):
You win.

All the fallen warrior bone dust

must have sent her
warrior gene into overdrive.

Well, how do we send it back
into regular drive?

I've got a w*r den
in my living room.

The only way is to burn off
her excess warrior energy.

Preferably through
intense combat.

Wait, so you're saying
I have to fight my grandma?

Are you not pleased?

To engage
one's elder in battle

Is the honor of a lifetime.

Is this not why you gave
her the drink?

No, I just wanted
a little adventure.

Not a jacked
Gwargwarian grandma!

So how long do
I need to fight her?

Based on how much she drank?

- Ten to hours.
- In a row?

[♪]

(sizzling)

This shall be the new
symbol of our house.

I love it.

Simple but elegant.

All who dwell here
must wear it.

That's cool.

I've been thinking of getting
my own place.

Gabby:
Hey, Grandma!

I'm taking our house back.

Consider yourself... challenged.

(spear clanks)

It would be an honor.

Prepare to die.

♪

(both grunting)

(plates shattering)

(grunting continues)

(panting)

(laughing)

- (toy squeaks)
- (groans)

(growling)

(grunting)

I can't believe you boys
turned me into an old man

just so I could pretend
to be your grandpa!

- (chuckles)
- Too far, fellas!

- Too far!
- (bones cr*ck)

(Wes groaning)

My lumbar!

(Wes groaning)

Should we feel bad about this?

I don't know.

Maybe?

More tea, Grandpa Wes?

Can I fetch you a crossword?

Oh.

How are your feet, Grandpa Wes?
Are they warm enough?

(moans)

Thank you. Thank you.

You're good boys.

(moans)

Let me get that for you.

No grandpa of mine
is getting his own raisins.

Thank you. Thank you.

Good boy.

(chuckles)

So this is weird,
but I actually don't hate this.

I know!

There appears
to be something

about this planet's elderly

that makes tending
to their needs gratifying.

But it goes against
everything I stand for!

Me, too.

Regardless,
it appears Earthlings

have it all backwards.

Grandparents shouldn't
spoil you.

You should be
the one spoiling them.

- (ominous bubbling)
- (Wes groans)

The spoily boys
have come full circle.

Thank you, Wesley.

(gasping in horror)

He exploded!

Earth grandparents
aren't supposed to do that!

I am so scarred right now.

(tearfully):
Wes!

Beautiful, wrinkly Wes.

Oh, that's right,
that's just how

the Pra'axian aging serum
wears off.

Jeremy: Oh, yeah!
The old skin just explodes.

Forgot about that.

Sorry about that, old boy.

But hey, great story to tell
your lizard grandkids about.

Right?

(both laughing)

♪

I just exploded.

- (Ruth growling)
- (Gabby gasping)

(snarling)

(panting):
So tired.

Why hasn't that drink
worn off yet?

You fought well,
spawn of my spawn.

But your time ends now.

Say hello to our ancestors
for me.

All gas! No brakes!

(grunts)

I told you
I wouldn't chicken out!

- (growling)
- (Olivia grunting)

(groans)

(moans)

[♪]

(snoring)

(sighs in relief)
We did it.

I've never been so happy
to see a sleeping grandma.

(laughter)

One, two, three, four.
I get one of yours!

(laughter)

Are you sure you don't
remember anything?

Honestly, after that
joint supplement?

Everything's a little hazy.

I know you girls
were probably expecting

some wild adventure
this weekend.

I'm sorry if I let you down.

Are you kidding me?

This turned out to be
one of the...

best visits ever.

- It did?
- Yeah.

Sometimes what you really need
is an adventure of the mind.

Ruth:
Thanks, shrimps.

I just have one question.

What happened to the rest
of the house?

[♪]

Dina:
I'm ho-- (screaming)

Next time on "Gabby Duran
and the Unsittables"...

We have an emergency
on our hands.

- Oh no!
- Ziggy is coming.

Whoa, you miss me?

Swift: Every time Jeremy
and Ziggy get together,

they cause
what is known on Gor-Monia...

- (screaming)
- as extreme ruckus.

(scream singing):
Refresh! Stay fresh! Refresh!

Gabby:
Ow! Hey!

[♪]

Gorgeous.