03x17 - Family Buy

[bunniefuu]

♪

Whoa, what do I smell coming from the kitchen?

Could that be the delicious aroma of...

nothing?

Seriously? I thought it was
my night off from cooking.

Sorry, Dad, but I've got a
big report due tomorrow.

And I have nothing to do,

but it's also due tomorrow.

Why don't we get take out?

Okay. So what'll it be? I'm thinking pizza.

Really, Dad? I was thinking burgers.

Burgers sound good.

Well, why don't we be fair

and put it to a Reynolds Family Vote?

All in favor of burgers, say "aye".

-Aye! -Aye!

Two out of three. Burgers it is.

Ugh, but I had a burger for lunch.

And you know what they say,

"Two burgers a day and your tummy will pay."

Sorry, Dad. That's just the way

the Reynolds Family Vote works.

(doorbell rings)

All in favor of Dad getting the door.

-Aye! -Aye!

I guess I will be getting the door.

A delivery for Max Reynolds.

Sign here please.

Uh, that's just a squiggly line.

If you don't care, I don't care.

Okay.

Thanks.

-What's that? -I don't know.

It says it's from some lawyer.

What?

I barely bumped that other car.

It's not about that.

Well, then, there was no other car.

Oh no.

It says our Great Aunt Helen passed away.

Wow. It says here she was .

Aw, what a shame.

Who's Great Aunt Helen?

Oh, you didn't know her, Noodle.

She was this really eccentric, whimsical woman.

Ah, do you remember when

she got that pet ostrich?

How could I forget? That's when I learned

you don't keep a sandwich

in your back pocket around an ostrich.

My tushy still has nightmares.

So what does the rest of the letter say?

Not much, it's just a bunch

of legal gibberish.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Oh!

Oh! Mom, it says here

she left us some money in her will.

-You're kidding! -Woo-hoo!

It's our lucky day!

Oh, not for you Aunt Helen.

So how much we talking here?

Are you rich?

Am I going to become a spoiled brat?

Please say yes.

Not quite. Let's just say, it's not
enough to change our whole lives,

but it could certainly change a month or two.

Hold on.

There's one condition.

Oh no, I've got to take care of the ostrich.

No. It says we have to use the money

to buy something we wouldn't

normally buy for ourselves.

Something fun.

This is so awesome!

We get free money to have fun!

I know! How sweet is this?!

Can life get any better?

All: Sorry, Aunt Helen.

(theme music playing)

♪ Like father, like daughter,
we don't always agree ♪

♪ But looking at you is like looking at me ♪

♪ The more things change,
the more they stay the same ♪

♪ Like father, like daughter,
from different times ♪

♪ Taking all the best from your decade and mine ♪

♪ The more things change ♪

♪ The more they stay the same ♪

♪ Do, do, do-do, do, do

♪ Do, do

♪ The more they stay the same

♪

(singing to himself)

I guess whoever said money doesn't buy happiness

hasn't seen you this morning.

You should've seen me a minute ago.

I was doing my happy dance.

Whoa, here it comes again.

So, have you decided what you're gonna do

with the money Great Aunt Helen left you?

I was thinking about it all night

and I have got the perfect idea.

Something the whole family can enjoy.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

And I also have an idea.

Okay.

Let's hear it.

(drum roll)

I was thinking a boat.

A boat?!

And I was thinking hot tub.

Hot tub?!

Whoa, those are both awesome ideas.

Well, when you're ready to put it to

a Reynolds Family Vote, let me know.

-Boat! -Hot tub!

Wow! I guess you were ready.

Well, Syd, looks like you

are the deciding vote,

so what's it gonna be?

Aw Syd, is your arm sore

from fencing practice?

Let me help you with that.

Just say hot tub. Two little words.

Just say boat. It's only one little word.

How 'bout six little words?

Can I have my arms back?

You know what, they're
just both such great ideas,

I need time to think about this.

Absolutely. No pressure.

A boat's a big decision.

You know a great place

to think about a difficult decision?

A hot tub!

Uh, Syd, why don't I make you

a yummy breakfast before school?

Let me make your favorite,

French Toast.

Or I could drive you

and we could get rainbow bagels.

You love those.

Okay, I know what I'm voting for.

Both: What?!

Having breakfast at school. See ya!

♪

Hey, boys.

Hi, Mom.

How was work?

Tell me all about your day,

and don't leave out a thing.

Okay, what do you want?

Ooh, straight down to business.

I like her style.

There's an amazing rap concert tomorrow night

and I wanna go.

Check out this flyer.

Ooh, the tickets are awfully pricey.

That's because it's gonna be

the biggest lineup of rappers ever.

Dollar-wise, it's a pretty good deal.

Lot of rhymes for your dimes.

I don't know, Max. It's on a--

School night? I know.

But I'm going with the school rap club.

It's practically homework.

-But it's-- -All the way downtown?

That's why our music teacher's
coming as a chaperone.

-What did-- -All the other parents say?

-Yes. -Would you let me--

Finish your sentences? Of course.

Ms. Reynolds, you know I want what's best for Max

as much as you do.

I think you should let him come with us.

I'm sorry, Leo. I always forget.

Did I give birth to Max or did you?

I'm trying not to picture either.

Please, Mom.

I really want to go to this concert.

I'm gonna have to say no.

What?

I don't understand.

I'm sorry, Max, but that's my answer.

Did you hear that?

I explained everything to her.

I don't get it.

Sorry, buddy.

If it makes you feel any better,

I'll only have half the fun.

I thought you were gonna say you weren't going.

Oh, that's not happening.

♪

I got your text.

I can't believe you have a choice

between a boat and a hot tub.

All my choices are between

which brother to sit next to at dinner:

eats-all-my-food or eats-with-his-hands.

And honestly, I'd be fine

with either a boat or hot tub.

But whichever one I choose,

my dad or my grandma is
gonna be really disappointed.

Syd, they'll be fine.

They're adults.

They're used to disappointment.

The only thing you should be asking yourself is,

"What do you want?"

You're right. It's my vote.

And I think you should use it on a hot tub.

No! Boat!

No! Hot tub!

Okay, I'm gonna stop. No, I won't!

-Yes you will. -Thank you.

(phone ping)

Oh, it's my dad. He wants
to see me in the backyard.

Okay. I've got to get back home for dinner.

Tonight I get to sit next to chews-too-loud.

That's my dad.

You know what? Why am I making

such a big deal out of this?

I'm sure my grandma and dad

will accept whichever one I choose.

Ahoy there, Matey!

Dad?

No.

Call me...

Captain Dad.

♪

♪

You bought the boat?

But I didn't even vote yet.

I didn't buy the boat. I convinced the salesman

to let me take it home for an hour.

I thought you should experience what it's like

being on the S. S. Sydney.

Wow.

You're naming it after me?

You've never named anything after me.

Well, except me.

Well, I named it after you

because no one will enjoy it more than you will.

No one.

Dad,

come on,

you're just trying to influence my vote.

Max: What?!

If I was trying to influence you,

I would say imagine yourself

on a gorgeous lake water skiing.

But that's not the kind of guy I am.

I can go water skiing?

Oh, yeah.

Now sit back and relax while I take you

on a little tour of the lake.

What a perfect day.

Oh, look!

There's the old boat house where they sell

the best ice cream in the Pacific Northwest.

You and Olive are gonna love it.

Olive's with me?

Oh, yeah.

She's sitting right in front of you.

Wearing two life jackets

and holding an emergency beacon.

Hold on. Here comes a boat.

Oh, and look who's on board.

Cute teenage boys?

Well, I was gonna say Old Charlie,
the guy who runs the boat house.

But let's go with yours.

Hi guys!

Gotta say I'm kinda liking the boating life.

But I still have to consider Grandma's hot tub.

Of course. A hot tub is a nice choice,

but you're in and out in minutes.

And I don't know about you,

but I get all pruney in the hot water.

Yeah, nobody wants to see that.

But, hey, it's your decision.

And while you're thinking about it,

why don't you drive the boat back to the dock?

Seriously?

I get to drive the boat?

Aye, aye, Captain.

That's it.

That's it. You got it.

Wait a minute. Are you steering back

toward that boat full of boys?

Don't question your captain.

(honks)

Ahoy boys!

(scoffs) How low can he go?

Who taught him to play so dirty?

Oh right, it was me.

♪

I still can't believe

she said no to the rap concert.

I'm at a loss for words.

No, I'm not.

Dang, dang, and double dang!

Sorry, Max, but it needed to be said.

Might as well just add
this "no" to my collection.

What collection?

Max: Please, Mom.

I really want to go to this concert.

Judy: I'm gonna have to say no.

You actually recorded her?

I've been recording her say "no" forever.

Max: Mom, can I go on that
new roller coaster at Seven Flags?

Judy: No. I'm sorry, Max.

(tape spooling)

Max: Can I go to skateboarding camp?

Judy: I already told you no.

And here's a small sampling

of her greatest hits.

Judy: You heard me. No! And that's final.

No. No!

Yes. Wait!

I mean no.

Wow, that's so shocking.

You think your Mom realizes

how often she says no?

Maybe not.

Ya know,

I bet if I played this tape for her,

she'd finally hear herself

and say yes to the concert.

You think your mom's just gonna sit there

listening to herself say no a hundred times?

That's true.

I should probably dress it up a little.

I have an idea, Leo.

Ya know, coming from you,

those are the scariest words

in the English language.

Olive, my Dad made some really good points,

so I think I'm gonna vote boat.

Hold on. Grandma wants to see me.

Call you later.

Come on in, the water's fine!

Oh, boy.

♪

Mom, can I see you for a minute?

Sure, what is it, Max?

I've been thinking about yesterday.

Words were exchanged.

Tempers flared.

It doesn't matter who was right.

It was me,

but it doesn't matter.

Well, almost thank you for that almost apology.

My point is,

I was wondering,

do you know how often you say "no" to me?

At the risk of adding another one... no.

Well, maybe this will remind you.

Okay, people. It's time to get real

with some rhymes from Grand Master Max!

Hit it!

(rap b*at playing)

♪ Let me tell you 'bout a concert ♪

♪ I really wanna go

♪ Everybody gonna be there

- ♪ But my momma said...
-Judy: No!

Leo: ♪ You really can't go? ♪

♪ That's right, she said no ♪

♪ Can I go swimming

♪ Or borrow some dough

♪ The woman always answers with ♪

Judy: No, no, no!

♪ And just when I think ♪

♪ That's all the no she's got ♪

♪ That's when she hits me with an ♪

Judy: Absolutely not!

♪ So once before I'm grown up ♪

♪ And leave the nest

♪ Can I ask for the concert to be a yes ♪

♪ Everybody's going and there's a chaperone ♪

♪ Seems to me the lady
could throw the kid a bone ♪

Max: ♪ So let me ask again, Mom ♪

♪ Will you let me go

-♪ If you're being
fair, you can't
say... ♪ -Judy: No!

♪

Wow, I didn't realize I've
said no to you that many times.

So, I can go to the concert?

I'm sorry, Max,

but I'm still gonna have to say no.

It's like she wasn't even listening.

You know what,

I don't think she wants me to be happy.

But let's ask her.

Judy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

If we ever do get her to say yes,

I bet we can do a really sweet remix.

Okay, not the time.

♪

Grandma, I have to admit,

this hot tub is awesome.

And B-T-Dubs, love the robe.

Wait, you didn't buy this hot tub, right?

Just wink and it's yours.

Now picture yourself in your very own hot tub.

Water bubbling all around,
not a care in the world.

(sighs) Say it with me.

(sighs together)

Feel the water jets working their magic.

Oh, yeah.

That's hitting the backpack muscles real nice.

Grandma, I love this, but

it kind of feels like

you're trying to influence my vote.

What?!

If I were trying to influence you,

I'd tell you that this thing

has twenty-six adjustable jets,

built-in speakers,

and LED lights that change color with the music.

But I don't play that game.

Wow. This hot tub can do anything.

Can it do my homework?

No, but it can make you forget you have any.

Look, I'm the first to admit
that a boat would be cool,

but this is Portland,
where it's cold half the year.

That's true.

But it would still be a lot of fun.

Tubing, water skiing.

Waving at boats full of cute boys.

That's who's at my lake.

Sounds great.

But the closest lake is an hour away.

With a hot tub,

you and Olive can pop right in here after school.

Olive's here?

Yeah!

She's right there with floaties and a nose plug.

(chuckles)

We would have fun.

In fact, why not invite all the
Amigas over for a hot tub dance party?

Hey, Emmy, crank up the jams!

Whoa, Sophia,

I didn't know you could
do the worm in the hot tub.

Both: Go Sophia! Go Sophia!

What's going on here?

I can't believe you would go behind my back

to try and sway Syd's vote

by putting a hot tub in our backyard.

Says the man who put a boat in our backyard.

Ahoy matey!

Well, that's totally different.

Because...

well, that's totally different.

Give it up, Max.

You're not getting the boat.

You know what,

this is exactly like when I was a kid.

All you did was say no to me.

Well, this time, I'm saying no to you.

We are getting that boat.

(shouts) You mean hot tub.

(door slams)

Is it gettin' hot in this tub

or is it just me?

♪

♪

Well, Great Aunt Helen's gift

has officially become a nightmare.

I've never seen my dad and
grandma so angry at each other.

But they both pictured me in
the boat and the hot tub, right?

-Olive! -Just checking.

They aren't even talking to each other.

I'm sorry, but this whole thing sounds silly.

It's a win-win situation.

I mean, let's say your dad doesn't get his boat.

So he's all,

"I have to hang out in a hot tub. Boo-hoo."

I know. They're both being so immature.

I mean, I really wanted a new amp for Christmas.

Did I throw a tantrum when I didn't get it?

-A little. -I'm a kid, that's what we do.

Adults are supposed to be better than that.

What if they aren't?

What if they're just

bigger, louder versions of us?

That would explain a lot.

(sighs) It's awful.

This was supposed to bring the family together,

but it's tearing us apart.

And I'm stuck in the middle

trying to figure out how to give

everyone what they want.

In my house,

nobody gets what they want.

We cry

and kick

and scream.

I'm beginning to think it
might be a better system.

♪

Hey Max. How're you doing?

Mom,

I'd kinda like to be alone.

I hate to see you so upset.

I just don't get it.

Why do you say no to me all the time?

I guess I do say it a
little more than I realized,

but "all the time" is a bit of an exaggeration.

Okay, you win.

All I can tell you is I have my reasons.

Can you believe that?

Not really.

But, I'll say yes.

Somebody's gotta say it around here for once.

Look, I know it's not as good as the concert,

but how 'bout if I make you a special night here.

I'll order you a double pepperoni pizza,

you can stay up late,

and watch any movie you want.

No, thanks.

It doesn't make up for missing out

on the concert with my friends.

I'm sorry, Max.

I just hope someday when you're older,

you'll understand.

♪

So, Syd texted you, too?

If I were talking to you, I'd say yes.

I asked you guys down here because,

I made my decision.

I want you to know, that I've
weighed all the factors involved

and my vote

is...

-Yeah? -And?

I'm not voting.

Ha! In your face!

Wait. Did you say not voting or not boating?

Not voting.

Look at you two.

This gift was supposed to be fun,

but it's making all of us miserable.

I don't even understand
why it's so important to you.

Because I never got to have
fun stuff when I was a kid.

No matter what I asked for,
your grandma loved to say no.

Loved it?

I had to say no.

I was a single mother and money was tight.

Oh, come on, I know we weren't millionaires,

but we weren't that hard up.

I never shared it with you, Max,
but there were a couple of times

when we almost lost the house.

What?

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want you to worry.

No kid should have to
worry about stuff like that.

I never knew.

You weren't supposed to.

And the only person I said "no" to more than you,

was me.

Is that why you wanted the
hot tub so badly, Grandma?

Yes.

It's just the kind of luxury
that I was never able to afford

when I was raising your dad.

I say it's time for another vote.

Not again.

I vote hot tub.

You're kidding.

Wow, Grandma.

Looks like you're getting a hot tub.

Don't listen to him.

I vote boat.

What? Say what?

I'm finally able to say yes,
and I'm saying yes to the boat.

But Mom, you did nothing but sacrifice.

You deserve a hot tub.

Don't listen to him. He's getting his boat.

Ignore her. She needs her hot tub.

Sydney: Guys!

Look, this isn't getting us anywhere.

Maybe we should think of another
way of resolving our problems.

What if every vote had to be unanimous?

It might take longer to work things out,

but then nobody loses.

I'm on board.

Sounds good to me, Noodle.

In fact, I have the perfect thing

to test our new system.

How many think Syd is the best daughter ever?

I'll vote for that.

Okay, okay.

In the interest of making it unanimous,

I am the best daughter.

♪

Hey, Syd, you wanted to see us?

Yep. I think I've come up with the perfect use

for Great Aunt Helen's gift.

Really? What is it?

Well, I know how much you
had your heart set on a boat,

and I know how much you wanted a hot tub,

so...

we're going on a cruise!

It's a boat with a hot tub.

Wow, now that's a boat.

Okay, easy. I borrowed it from a travel agent.

So, what do you say?

-I'm in! -So am I!

Hey, is that a tiny water slide?

And a tiny movie theater?

And is that a tiny karaoke bar?

I cannot wait to serenade my two favorite ladies.

Okay, new vote. No embarrassing
your daughter on the cruise.

Or your mother.

It's probably a good call.

Hey, this new system really works.

♪

♪ Do, do, do-do, do, do

♪ Do-do

♪ Do, do, do-do, do, do

♪ Do-do

♪ Do, do, do-do, do, do

♪ Do-do

♪ Do, do, do-do, do, do

♪ Do-do

Oh yeah.