01x10 - The Commercial

[bunniefuu]

Sorry I'm late, everyone,
but I've g big news.

I've been studying acting.

At the even you can act academy.

Turns out even I can act.

My teacher is Dan lament,

Former star
of "beach patrol."

I loved "beach patrol."

They had loretta the talking dolphin.

That dolphin's all attitude.

Talk to the fin 'cause the
blowhole ain't listening.

Dan lamont's class is very exclusive.

You have to go through an incredibly
rigorous selection process.

By "rigorous" you mean
the free lesson coupon.

Stuck under your windshield wiper?

For your information, Dan himself told me.

He thinks I have real talent.

Here, let me show you guys an
exercise we learned today in class.

It's called improv.

- Improv? - That's right.
No script, no problem.

Just me alone, pulling it
out of my own brain.

You'll be pulling it out of somewhere.

Jack, be my scene partner.

Not gonna happen, Rudy.
Acting is really not my thing.

Don't worry.
Just let my talent drive the train.

Okay, here's The Scene.
We're in a...

We're in a minimart.

And you're the clerk and I'm...

"ze"king of France.

Would you care for a candy bar?

They're king-sized.

Oui oui.

Sorry, you can't do that here.
Bathroom's broken.

If you have to go wee wee,

You gotta hold it till you
get back to your own throne.

And scene.

I said "and scene."

That means The Scene is over.

You guys, he didn't even do an accent.

It's not funny if you don't do an accent!

Oh man!

♪ don't you get
all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we can have a ball,
run up the wall ♪

♪ this is how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go,
let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up
like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪

♪ don't you
get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you ♪

♪ come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we can have a ball,
run up the wall ♪

♪ this is how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you. ♪

To be honest with you,
I just started acting.

Are you sure you wanna be my manager?

I'll say it again.

I wanna be in the Rudy business.

I mean, dude, in that scene,

I... I really thought you
were the king of France.

I really took you there, huh?

Took me there?
Under the eiffel towerg.

Wearing a beret and eating smelly cheese.

Rudy, I wanna be your people.

I can't believe this.
I have people.

Quiet down, quiet down, everybody.

Now as you know, the cake you've baked.

Will determine your final home ec grade.

You know what I always say...

Another day,
another "a."

You know what I always say...

You can't spell "eddie" without "d"s.

My gold fork and I will commence.

The walk of taste.

That's odd.

Sponge cake does not contain.

Actual sponge.

- "d-".
- Passed!

Up top.

Hmm. Dry, bland
and unappetizing.

Really?

As unappetizing as you sunbathing.

In your bicycle shorts when you
were supposed to be at an assembly?

"a+".

Mr. Krupnick.

Mr. Pedesta, sir,

What you're about to taste
is not just a piece of cake;

It's a piece of my heart.

Students like you are
why I got into education.

And gave up mexican wrestling.

It looks like he's gonna need
that sponge after all.

♪ hey ♪

♪ hey, come on... ♪

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

Uh, Rudy, what's going on?

Jack, I'm very busy working
on my acting career.

This is what they call in
the biz having my headshot.

Is it cool if I worked out?

I'm really close to nailing
a new bo staff routine.

Fine. If you insist on
doing karate in this dojo,

Do it over there.

All right, Lou,

Once we start, I want you
to capture the many moods.

Of the man I like
to call rud-ay.

Jack, what did you do?

I was in the middle of the forbidden pose.

I'll tell you what he did.

He threw his stick
at my camera and broke it.

You are gonna get a bill from me, Rudy.

I'm sorry.
It was an accident.

And I'll let you in on a little secret...

The forbidden pose
is forbidden for a reason.

I can't believe this.
Why would you do that?

The bo staff just flew out of my hands.

Rudy!

Guess whose manager got their
superstar an audition.

What's the part?
I'll do anything,

Even swimsuit work if it's tasteful.

Who am I kidding?
It doesn't have to be tasteful.

You're auditioning to be ponegranate man.

He's a cape-wearing fruit,
but with attitude.

That I can play.

- You're gonna k*ll it.
I hope you get it, man. - Thanks, Jack.

Yo, pomegranate man
has to know martial arts.

So I convinced the director to come here
tomorrow to show him what you can do.

This is all happening so fast.

Man's a star.

My life is over.

Don't you think you're overreacting?

I certainly do not.

Without that "a," that means
I've lost my perfect g.P.A.,

Which means I'll never
become a thoracic surgeon.

I'll go into a career tailspin.

And end up selling shoes
at a ladies' sneaker outlet.

I can't touch other people's feet.

I can't even touch my own.

All right, Milton, I talked to Mr.
Pedesta in the nurse's office.

And in-between barfs,

He told me you can retake the cake test.

This is awesome.

I'm gonna make a new cake
and it's gonna be perfect.

When pedesta tries it, it'll
caress the inside of his mouth.

With the most sweet succulent moist...

He's gonna taste it, Milton,
not make out with it.

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

It's a good thing we're helping Milton.

If he doesn't get the "a" this time,

He's going to flip out.

I think that flip ship has already sailed.

He stayed up all night watching that
angry English chef on the food channel.

All righty-o!

Let's get to cooking.

Oh come on!

You call yourself a chef?

This looks like it belongs in the loo.

Is that good?

Give me your apron.

Now get out.

Milton!

Sift your flour!
Sift it, sift it, sift it!

I am pomegranate man.

Am
pomegranate man!

I am pomegranate man!

Rudy, you've gotta calm down.

I can't calm down.
There's so many ways to say things.

Look, you can't freak out.

This is a huge opportunity.

If you need me, I'll be
right next to you, okay?

You're gonna love this guy.
Rudy, this is Terrence, your director.

And this is Jack.

- What's up, man?
- What's up, Jack?

So, Rudy, you ready for this?

I was born Rudy...
uh, ready.

Okay, this is pomegranate pow.

It's a healthy drink that helps
kids perform at their best.

So take a drink from the bottle,

Then say, "now I'm ready to
take on the midday drowsies"

And then show me your best karate moves.

Let's do this.

And action.

I'm sorry.
What do you need me to do?

Show him what you can do, Rudy.

Oh no no,
I... I got this.

Ahh!

Now I'm ready to take on
the midday drowsies!

Hoo-yaaahhhhh!

Great work.
We'll be in touch.

Hey hey, wait.
He's got so much more,

So much more.
Believe me.

Hey, Rudy, do that move you invented...

The scissor roll out dragon tail kick.
That'll shut him up.

Right.

I will now demonstrate.

The scissor roll out dragon tail kick.

That'll shut you up.

Pretty cool, huh?

He did it so fast,
you couldn't even see it.

Jack, I can't remember the move.

- Rudy, it's so simple.
Just do as I do, okay? - Okay.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

Now I'm ready to take
on the midday drowsies!

Pah!

Stop!
Audition's over.

- Jack, you got the part.
- What?!

You were sensational.

I'll see you on set, pomegranate man.

Aw, Rudy babe,

That director's an idiot.

You are perfect for this role.

Jack babe, the director's a genius!

You are perfect for this role.

Why are the lights off in here?

Bravo.

Look who just walked in.

If it isn't Hollywood's new "it" boy.

Rudy, why are you sitting
alone in the dark?

It's only dark because
you turned off my star.

Was it burning a little too bright for you?

Rudy, I was trying to help you.

How? By stealing
my career?

What career? I've had zits that
lasted longer than your career.

Ha ha! Zits...
that is fresh and funny.

Stop sucking up, Jerry.

Yesterday you told me
I was fresh and funny.

Yesterday, Rudy.
Yesterday.

You always have to be the star, Jack.

That's why you sabotaged
my improv exercise,

Ruined my photo sh**t and took the role.

That I was born to play...
pomegranate guy.

- Man.
- Man!

Rudy, I don't even wanna be
in that dumb commercial.

Good, because I forbid you from taking it.

Excuse me?

You know what?

Now I'm gonna do that commercial.

And if you have a problem with it,

Talk to my people!

I don't believe it.
You stole my people!

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you! ♪

How do you feel, Jack?

I feel like a guy this ripped
shouldn't have to come here.

- Sitting in your bike basket.
- All right...

Let's go over the concept.

The whole city is being brought down.

By a big dark cloud
called the midday drowsies.

Right, then I fly in
and defeat the drowsies.

With my signature pomegranate pow.

Okay, now it's time for you
to meet your mortal enemy...

The drowsies.

Hello, pomegranate guy.

- Man.
- Man!

Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this.

- What do you think?
- Oh, come on!

I think you should crawl back.

To whatever slop kitchen you oozed out of.

You know, Eddie and I were
trying to help you, Milton,

But you're being a real jerk.
Good luck.

Kim, wait.

I never got anything
other than "a"s before.

It's driving me crazy that I can't do
something as easy as baking a cake.

But I shouldn't take it out on my friends.

Or become some crazy English chef.

Who spits all over people.

I'm sorry.

Milton, you can figure this out.

I mean, you rock
in all your other subjects...

History, geometry, chemistry.

You even take honors lunch.

That's it...
chemistry!

I just have to look at baking.

As a series of chemical reactions.

It's alive!

It's alive!

With flavor.

I can't believe you're the drowsies.

Don't be afraid, Jack.
I'll try not to overshadow you.

Kind of hard to be afraid of
someone wearing a cloud tutu.

It's called wardrobe, and I look amazing.

Wait, are you wearing makeup?

Yeah, I'm the star of the commercial.
Of course I'm wearing makeup.

I didn't get any makeup.

All right, let's do this.
Bring 'em up.

I want makeup!

Thanks for coming in
on a Saturday, Mr. Pedesta.

I'll have you know I'm not happy
about being late for my spin class.

Let's do this.

Smells delicious.

Let's take a closer look.

There are a lot of chemicals
in there, Milton.

- Are you sure it's safe?
- %.

The phosphorus atoms draw negative ions.

And the sucrose atoms are all positive.

So everything's fine as long as
the cake doesn't come in contact.

With any precious metal.

Uh, like say golden fork?

Nooooo!

So... What do you think?

Pretty moist, huh?

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

Pomegranate pow,

Take .

Wake up, tired people.

I am pomegranate man,

Here to bring pomegranate pow
to the entire city.

Cut cut cut!

Who was that?
Ring ring.

Who is it?
Oh, it's Jack phoning it in.

Okay, nobody directs anybody
on this set but me.

You're right, t-bone.
Jump on in here.

Try to get a performance out of him,

'cause he's giving me nothing.

- Back to one, everybody.
- Back to one, everybody!

And action.

Wake up, tired people.

I am pomegranate man,

- Here to bring pomegranate pow
to the entire city. - Cue music!

And battle scene.

And pomegranate pow!

Get pomegranate pow and say
goodbye to the drowsies.

What are you doing?
You're not supposed to come back.

Well, maybe getting rid
of the drowsies isn't.

As easy as you thought, pomegranate man.

That's uh... that's not
in the script.

Yah!

Jack, you saved me.

Of course.
I'd never let you fall.

Guys, Jack's cable isn't strong enough.

To hold the both of you.

Jack, let Rudy go.

You've got more good earning
years ahead of you.

Jack, let me go.

It's the only way you can save yourself.

I'm not gonna do that.

It's okay.
I've lived.

I've seen things...
things like Canada.

And a cow with a birthmark
shaped like another cow.

Forget it, Rudy.
I'm not letting go.

Jack, I insist you let me go.

- Okay, if that's how you want it.
- What?!

Jack, Jack, I'm sorry.

I was being a jerk.

Dude, you saved my life.

You know I only did this commercial
'cause you said I couldn't.

I had no right to do that.

And now that I've had a
taste of this acting thing,

I think I'm through with it.

Yeah, it's not as glamorous as it seems.

Between you and me, I'm sporting
a major harness wedgie.

Look what you two have done.

Oh, you've ruined my commercial!

You're fired!

Putting the whole little
disaster thing aside,

What did you think of my acting chops?

- 'cause I could go a different way.
- Rudy!

♪kickin' it with you! ♪

Milton, it's only a "d."

This is a feeling I've
never experienced before.

But you know what?

I did my best.

And that's all anybody can ask.

Milton krupnick can't bake a cake.

So what?

Get over it, world.

That's great.

So you're gonna stop
obsessing about your grades.

And start having more fun?

Sure am.
Jerry, what do you do for fun?

You asked the right guy.

Okay, see, what you do is you
take a mannequin, right?

You put her in a shopping cart and
you roll her down to the beach.

Then you tape a piece
of bologna to her head.

And watch the seagulls
dive-b*mb her skull.

What do you think?

I think...

I'm gonna go and study at the library.

Oh no no no. I got some bologna
at my house. Let's go.

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪