02x03 - Robin

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Better Things". Aired September 2016 - current.*
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"Better Things" revolves around a divorced actress who raises her three daughters by herself.
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02x03 - Robin

Post by bunniefuu »

(BIRDS CHIRPING OUTSIDE)

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

Uh, this one is a haiku and a half.

"As I counted the bracelets"

"on my dying mother's wrist,"

"it was as if I was counting..."

"her pain."

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

Thank you.

Thank you.

WOMAN: Congratulations, Joy.

- Oh...
- (WOMEN WHOOPING)

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, that was really intense.

(SIGHS)

How do you know Joy?

Oh, uh, college.

Cool.

I don't really know her.

I-I just got an e-mail saying
she needed some support.

Cool.

ROBIN: You have any kids?

SAM: Oh, I have three daughters.

ROBIN: You're married?

SAM: Divorced.

Me, too.

You have kids?

I have a daughter, yeah.

And how often do you see her?

Every day.

How does that work?

Well, I-I'm raising her.

Oh.

Her mom d*ed?

(CHUCKLES) No. No.

She's-she's very much alive.

After our divorce,

I moved to a house about
a half a mile away,

as close as I could get to our house,

so that I could be near our daughter,

but then her mom met somebody

and they moved very far away,

and she has a whole other life now.

And she decided...

not to raise my daughter,
so I'm doing it on my own.

And how's that going?

Pretty bad.

(CHUCKLES)

Like your life, I guess. Subtract two.

Nice.

("EVERYTHING IS NEW" BY
BRIANA MARELA PLAYING)

(SINGERS VOCALIZING ETHEREAL MUSIC)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

Mom, did you or did you not say

that I could have the
minivan when I turn ?

Mom? Hi, Mommy.

Can we spend time together today?

Mom, no fair. What are you gonna do?

My God, Frankie, stop pretending like

everything is a conspiracy against you.

FRANKIE: I don't want
the minivan anyway.

I want a blue Mercedes,
where all the windows go down.


Like, open windows.
I think it's so cute.


MAX: Oh, and you think she's
just gonna buy one for you?


FRANKIE: No, but, I mean,
like, if she wants one,

then I could also drive it.

MAX: Don't you like him?

FRANKIE: Ew, no. He's my teacher.

MAX: He's a student teacher. He's hot.

- ♪ When everything ♪
- (GIRLS CONTINUE CHATTERING)

♪ Is new ♪

MAX: He has an eclectic style...

(SINGERS VOCALIZING)

MAX: He's quirky. I like it.

FRANKIE: That's so weird, Max.

MAX: Well, who do you have a crush on?

You have a crush on the weirdest people.

- FRANKIE: Excuse you?
- MAX: Excuse me.

FRANKIE: Like, you have
a crush on my teacher.


That's nasty. Your student teacher.

He's not even your teacher,
and he's hot.


FRANKIE: You think with your vag*na.

MAX: That's rude.

FRANKIE: Yeah, and it's unfortunate,

because your vag*na is stupid

and maybe the only part of your body

that's dumber than your brain.

MAX: Okay, like your vag*na is a genius.

FRANKIE: My vag*na is
going to invent a car


that runs on water.

MAX: Congratulations.

FRANKIE: Thank you.
Max, you have a sh*t.


When you turn ,
it won't make a difference.


I'll get ordained and marry you.

MAX: You would do that?

FRANKIE: Yes, but I'll get
ordained as a Satanist,


and you have to give me your firstborn

- so I can drink its blood.
- MAX: Yeah, okay, I'd do that.

For Mr. Thompson, yeah.

FRANKIE: So it's settled.

MAX: Yes, it is.

Does it have to be my firstborn?

- FRANKIE: Yes.
- MAX: Can I give you my husband?

FRANKIE: No.

MAX: All right, whatever...

Why would you post that, though?

(FRANKIE AND MAX LAUGHING)

Okay, so you hit the vape too hard.

♪ Is now, is now. ♪

(SINGERS VOCALIZING)

♪ Mother, you had me ♪

♪ But I never had you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I wanted you ♪

♪ You didn't want me. ♪

MAN: Stop! Let's go this way.

MAN : That's what you said before!

I'm not going!

(HIGH-PITCHED) Don't be stupid.

At least not now!

You'd better be right!

(SOBBING) Oh, come on.

This way!

(YELLS) For crying in Pete's face,

just come on!

(GROANS LOUDLY)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GROANS) Get out of my cave!

I told you!

(GROANS LOUDLY)

Hmm?

- Lightning in a bottle.
- h*tler.

- (LAUGHS)
- If it ain't broke,

- don't fix it, right?
- He's only got one ball!

- Are we good?
- (WHOOPS)

(PAGE TURNS)

This is t*rture.

Max, you have to drive.

You need a license,
you have to wait in line.

Yeah, I have to drive?

My friends and I
couldn't wait to do this

- the second we turned .
- Blah, blah.

And the phones, they were really big

and they stayed in your house.

Oh, my God.

We both suck.

Can't we just go to Dollar
Bag and get Jolly Ranchers?

Forward, Max.

Your life needs to move forward.

(PHONE VIBRATES)

Hi. Hi.

ROBIN: Hi.

Is it okay that I'm calling?

Well, I did give you my number.

How are you?

I'm good.

Yeah, I'm good.

So, this is,

uh...

I'm gonna take a big swing right now.

Uh, go for it.

Yeah?

Yeah. Hi. What?

I was planning on going

up to El Cevitas this weekend.

Mia has an overnight with her school

so I'm going away.

So...

I'm going to invite you to come with me,

to spend the weekend
with me in El Cevitas,

and we can taste some wine

or look at some art,

uh, have some great food,

and... yeah.

Yeah, big, big weekend.

Asking you to spend the weekend, so...

big swing.

Yeah.

That is a big swing there, chief.

You know what, I like you.

I know it's-it's early
for me to be asking you

to go away with me,

but I'm doing it because...

I like you that much.

Uh, I just feel like we got off

on such an unconventional
foot here and...

I already had this trip planned

and I don't want to wait until
next weekend to see you again,

uh, because I... (SIGHS)

I'm gonna stop there.

Just, if you want to come, please do.

You're invited.

And also...

- (LINE BEEPS)
- Wait, what?

Did you hear what I said?

- (LINE BEEPS)
- Hold on.

Um, I need to think about it.

Is that okay?

Yeah. More than okay.

- Really?
- Yes.

I'd be weirded out if
you said yes right away.

(LAUGHS) What?

No, I mean, you know, please go ahead.

- Talk to your girlfriends about it.
- Ew.

Or don't.

- However you want to...
- Okay. I'll...

I'll call you later, okay?

Yes. Yes, okay.

Good.

Okay.

Hey.

Yeah?

That was nice.

Thank you for asking.

I like it...

how you asked.

Okay.

Bye.

(EXHALES)

Good move, buddy.

Good move.

Good move.

Ooh.

Oh, my God, we're not going
back in there, are...

(GROANS)

We're estranged now.

One year, she made me
flaming cherries jubilee.

It was really good.

I can't even remember
what we fought about.

I don't know.

I just feel like I still have
a lot of stuff left to do.

I can't believe it's my birthday.

It was really sweet of
you guys to take me out.

I can't believe I'm old enough to drink.

(LAUGHS)

What's going on with you?

Huh? Nothing.

Nothing.

Hi. Happy birthday.

- Yay, birthday!
- Thank you.

JOY: This is such a great birthday.

- Yay!
- TRESSA: We love you.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

TRESSA: Mazel.

- Oh.
- Mmm.

- I'm tipsy.
- (LAUGHS)

- (LAUGHING)
- Aw.

Bye, honey, love you.

Bye. I love you, too.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, I would, uh...

I would like to join you this weekend.

Um, very much so.

So, uh, just wanted to say that, okay?

I'm, uh, hanging up now.

Bye.

Where are you going?

I'm packing.

- Mom, where are you going?
- Bitch, I'm going to the moon.

My God, Mom, that's so offensive.

I'm so fat.

Can't believe I have a boyfriend.

- Who's staying with us?
- Stay with us what?

- Susie.
- Mom, no way.

Wait, where are you going?

She's going to the moon, bitch.

Shut up, Frankie.

Mom, Mom, we don't need Susie.

I can watch everyone.

No, Mom, don't leave us
with Susie. She sucks.

And don't leave us with Max.
She's so much worse.

SAM: Fine.

Then no one's coming. I don't care.

Can I have a couple
friends over? Not a party.

I don't care.

Run away while I'm gone.

I don't care about any of it.

There's nothing in this house
that's worth anything to me,

except the art.

Don't mess with my paintings. Good-bye.

MAX: Mom, I don't get
what your problem is.

You're my problem.

You're insane.

Why'd you say "I'm going
to the moon, bitch"?

FRANKIE: I don't know.
She said it to me.

MAX: Mom, you're not serious, are you?

FRANKIE: Mom, you still have
to take me to Chloe's house

- on Saturday.
- What are you doing at Chloe's?

I just want to know.

What are you gonna do with your friends?

Mom, this is child abandonment.

We're like orphans now.

I don't care.

You guys can move out

and get an apartment
together when I'm gone.

Seriously.

I'll cosign the lease right
now to make that happen.

MAX: Oh, my God, Mom, it is so mean

that you're saying that to me, Mom.

Wait, Mom. Mom, did you mean it?

I want to get an apartment.

Mom!

Mom!

(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Yoo-hoo!

(STAMMERS)

So, what do you do when you
have a minute to yourself?

Oh.

I drink alcohol and I sleep.

(LAUGHS)

If I have two minutes,
I watch m*rder shows on cable.

Oh. m*rder like Law & Order
or m*rder like real m*rder?

Oh, no, only ever real m*rder.

I could jack off to real people
being m*rder*d for hours.

Why do you like m*rder so much?

I don't know.

I, uh, fantasize about being m*rder*d.

You do?

Yeah.

I mean, it feels like I'm
being m*rder*d every day

in a vague way that no one
could prosecute anyone for,

so when I see these stories

about the lady who gets
her head chopped off,

and they find hairs on the guy's Kn*fe

and he gets put away for life,

that's, like, very satisfying, you know?

Nope.

No? You don't get it.

- (LAUGHING)
- No, I get it. I do.

- (LAUGHING) I do. Sorry.
- You... come on.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh.

Yeah, the year that, uh,
Mia's mom took off was really bad.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, really, really bad.

I had a cool job,
but the money wasn't huge,

so I had to quit it so I
could concentrate more

on earning and-and raising her.

- Mm.
- But, I mean, it's nothing

compared to what Mia suffered, though.

Well, losing her mom...

It would've been a whole lot
easier if we had lost her.

I swear, if... if her mom was dead,

I-it would be so much easier

than knowing that her
mother is alive, out there,

just completely not giving a sh*t.

You know, there's a limit to how
much I can explain that to her.

I'm right there with you, buddy.

Well, a-anyway, that's,
that's what I think is good

about having kids because,

you know, no matter what
is happening with you,

you can only care about it so much

when you see how they deal with it.

- Yeah.
- Mia is amazing.

She really showed me how to cope.


(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Yeah.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪

That was a really lovely thing you did,

when you touched the flower there.

- Why'd you do that?
- Why do you think?

'Cause there's a bee, maybe?

Yes, Robin, a bee.

(BOTH LAUGH)

♪ In time she'll see that her and me ♪

♪ Were meant to be together ♪

♪ And time will pass, it may go fast ♪

♪ But we'll still be together ♪

♪ It's easy love, fits like a glove ♪

♪ From up above together ♪

♪ Together... ♪

Mmm, fruity with a wet stone finish.

Hmm.

I'm not getting wet stone. Are you?

- A little.
- Hmm.

(CLICKS TONGUE) It's not fair.

There's no wet stone in mine.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Have another sip, it may show up.

I think it will.

Mmm.

SAM: (DEEP VOICE) Hello.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(GASPS SOFTLY)

(CHUCKLES)

(EXHALES) Oh...

Hey, so, where are we staying tonight?

Oh.

It's a surprise.

Really?

Yeah.

- Oh. Well, the thing
- (CHUCKLES)

about that is I hate
surprises very, very much.

Well, if you're gonna be with me,

you'll get lots of surprises.

O... kay.

So, where are we staying?

(CHUCKLES)

Are you worried about being with me?

Are you scared of me or something?

(LAUGHS) No.

Not at all.

Do you... do you... do you want to know

why I'm asking where we're staying?

Sure.

Well, because...

I want to call ahead
and book myself a room.

So, did you book us two rooms or one?

One room.

I... I mean, I...

I wasn't presuming anything...

Oh, no, no, no.

I know that, Robin.

It's not that. You're fine.

I just... I wanted to give us a break

and take a little pressure off,

because, you know,

if-if I get a room and you get a room,

then we could both do whatever we want.

If we only have one room,
then we can only do one thing.

Do you know what I'm saying, buddy?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Oh, my God. I'm not trying
to make things awkward,

I'm really not,
I just was hoping that...

by now that you would tell me

so I could call ahead...

and make accommodations for myself,

but it turns out that I had to ask,

- so...
- Ah.

- Um...
- Okay, okay. Wow. (CHUCKLES)

Now, I planned this trip
very carefully, and...

I was excited to...

surprise you with every stage of it.

So...

this is a bit of an ice
pack to my balls...

to tell you the truth.

Oh.

Well, I didn't mean to
ice-pack your balls.

- I was just trying...
- No, it's okay. It's okay.

Okay.

We're staying at the Redwood Inn.

- Okay. Thanks.
- And I will call...

I will book you a separate room.

Thanks.

I'm going to the bathroom.

Oh. Yeah.

It's okay.

Mm.

(EXHALES)

That's fun stuff.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

That's a bit of an ice pack to my balls.

Mm.

I'm pretty hungry.

I'm excited about eating food and stuff.

(GROANS) It's, like...

sometimes my levels of...

not having food in my body
just get to a low point.

(SINGING UNINTELLIGIBLY
WITH THICK COUNTRY ACCENT)

(RHYTHMIC GRUNTING)

(SINGING ALONG) ♪ I'm just
cruising with nowhere to go ♪

♪ I'm hitting corners, I'm just
cruising with nowhere to go ♪

♪ I'm all in Compton and I'm
cruising with nowhere to go ♪

♪ I hit the hood, I'm just
cruising with nowhere to go ♪

♪ I'm just dippin', I'm just
cruising down this little mall ♪

♪ Looking for a bad one,
t*nk full of gas... ♪

WAITER: And we have a really
nice venison steak tonight.

The chef, uh, recommends it

medium rare.

It comes with the collard greens

and a truffled mashed sweet potato.

I'll give you guys a minute
while I bring your drinks, okay?

Okay. Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)

Venison. Oh!

I love venison.

I love to eat deer

and sheep and all the cute animals.

So good.

This place is so cute.

I love the decor.

It's, like, Navajo theme,

like, safari, gold rush...

Some beer steins over there.

Mandolins... everywhere.

I don't know why those are here.

It's kind of cool.

It's, like, when a place feels,
like, old-fashioned

and modern at the same time.

There's this place in the valley...

I'm really sorry.

For what?

For the hotel thing.

Oh. No, no, no.

Robin, it's okay.

No, no, it's not okay.

It's really shitty of me.

I mean, I've been thinking
about this all this time,

and it's k*lling me that I did that.

I mean, if I were you,
I would probably be...

thinking of how I could
escape and go home.

I don't know, Sam.

I'm really sorry.

(SIGHS) I-I'm so dumb.

You were really looking out for us

by wanting that other room.

That was very, very smart.

And all I could think of...

was that you were...

taking something away from me

and ruining my surprise,
like I'm a little baby boy.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

And now I'm having to
dump all this on you,

like we have to have

this shitty thing now,
and we're not even

in a thing yet.

And I'm just... I'm ruining all the fun.

No. Robin, I-I just...

No, no, no,

Sam, I-I messed up.

And... look,

I really want to get this right.

I don't know if it's gonna
be anything between us.

I-I have no idea.

(TAKES DEEP BREATH)

But I don't want it to stop

because of me being my stupid old self.

You know?

I've had my bad episodes.

I have old scars,
a lot of self-inflicted wounds.

You know when you see yourself...

making the same dumb mistakes

over and over again?

Sure.

Sure, I get it.

This is probably not...

the last time I'll do
something stupid again.

I mean, do you think you could
hang in there with me a little?

Maybe give me some time
to get better at it?

Even if... if I was...

(SIGHS) Aw, sh*t.

I'm blowing this.

Am I blowing it?

Are you kidding me?

Robin...

Yeah?

I've been holding in ten gallons
of piss since the vineyard.

(WHISPERS) Oh.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom,

and when I come back...

we're gonna start over.

Okay?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Okay.

Okay.

(THE ROLLING STONES'
"WILD HORSES" PLAYS)

♪ After we die ♪

(EXHALES) (URINATING)

♪ Wild horses ♪

(EXHALES)

♪ Couldn't drag me away ♪

♪ Wild ♪

♪ Wild horses ♪

♪ We'll ride them someday... ♪

(SIGHS)
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