02x07 - Blackout

[bunniefuu]

Om Mani Padme Hum.

Om Mani...

Can you guys maybe turn that up?

I can still hear other things.

Sorry, Mom.

FRANKIE: And this is
my kitchen, everybody.

Oh, and this is my mom. Mom, say hi.

You're on UVU. I'm
live-ing. You're live.

Frankie!

Oh, she's embarrassed
because she's in a towel.

Are you serious right now?

Wow.

(episode of King of the
Hill continues indistinctly)

Frankie, I'm sorry I threw
your phone in the sink.

(sighs): But... I'm in the kitchen

in my towel, and all of a sudden

a bunch of strangers are looking at me?

We have to have some
boundaries with the phones.

Okay?

(sighs) But yes,

I'm sorry I lost control

and I threw your phone away.

That was not okay.

So tomorrow...

I'll take you, and we'll
get you a brand-new phone.

Okay. Cool.

(inhales deeply, exhales)

Okay.

(sighs)

Oh, you're good.

Heh. Oh-ho.

♪ Mother, you had me ♪

♪ But I never had you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I wanted you ♪

♪ You didn't want me. ♪

Remember that person that
came to the house and, like...

Yeah, Mom, what was
the name of that lady

who came to sage our house?

Oh, oh...

um, p*ssy...

- p*ssy something?
- No.

- Shakuntala.
- Shakuntala!

- Yeah!
- Yes!

Oh, my God! Shakuntala!

SAM: You guys want smoothies?
I'm making for Duke and Sorrow.

- (doorbell rings)
- Oh, I'll get it.

NARRATOR (on TV): This
time on Life After People...

What else do you guys
want in your smoothies?

Max, will you grab the strawberries?

What do you want in your smoothies?

♪ What do you want
in your smoothies? ♪

♪ What do you want
in your smoothies? ♪

♪ I'm gonna give you strawberry. ♪

You could put rocks and dog sh*t
in there, they wouldn't notice.

- I think they would notice.
- Hey.

- Hey, Jeff. Sorrow, your dad.
- Come on, chimp.

This is almost over. Ten more minutes.

- Ay... Okay.
- Oh. Sorry.

You want a smoothie?

Sure. Would you be offended if
I put a little vodka in there?

What, do you keep a flask in your sock?

No, I don't.

Hey, do you have Sorrow next weekend?

No, that's Sunny's. Why?

- (blender and TV stop)
- Well, because... Oh.

- Oh...
- JEFF: All right, everybody stay calm.

(scoffing grunt)

- Mom, what happened?
- Mom, did you pay the power bill?

- What? Oh, my God.
- Mom. We were watching.

Okay. Let me just... I'll
check the breaker box.

Yeah, the power's really out.

Mom, I-is this, like, a
nuclear strike or something?

- Uh, hold up.
- What, are you googling

"was there just a nuclear strike"?

No. I'm...

- (phones beeping loudly)
- SAM: Oh, sh*t.

"Stand by for emergency message."

- sh*t, what?
- That's all it says.

I can't make a call.

Who are you calling?

- Dad?
- JEFF: My phone doesn't work, either.

Neither does mine. Mom?

Guys... it's okay.

It's the lights. It's not in our phones.

- It's here.
- Well, what if we had an emergency?

How would we tell anyone?

Okay.

And this, girls,

is why we keep a landline.

JEFF (chuckles): Yeah. That's
not gonna work, either...

Those used to work in a
blackout, because they had

their own dedicated copper wiring.

Landlines are bullshit now... They're...

tied into your cable.
They're all digital.

Oh, sh*t, you're right.

(exhales): Mom?

Max... don't.

- It's okay, Max.
- SAM: And where are all my candles?

Will you girls stop stealing
candles for crying in the tub?

You don't need candles,
Sam... It's still light out.

SAM: But that is why

I need candles while it's
still light out, Frankie,

before it gets dark.

- That's why I need candles now.
- Face!

MAX: Uh-oh, Mom, I can't
get the faucet to work.

- That's not electricity.
- JEFF: The water pump

is electrical, too.

Gran. I got to check on Gran.

- Who wants to go with me?
- Me.

What?

Hi, Phil.

Are you okay?

Of course I am.

Hi, Mrs. Geronimus.

- Hi.
- Are you okay?

My cat door isn't working.

- (air siren wailing)
- Oh.

Ooh. What the dirty
rotten sh*t is that now?

That's... I don't know.

Mom! Are we gonna die?

No, not like this.

- What-what if you're wrong?
- What?

What if we die after
you said we wouldn't?

Oh, well, then whoops.

(chuckles)

(chuckling)

- (horn honking lightly)
- Hi.

- What's going on with the power?
- It's just a regional interruption.

- Should be back up in a minute.
- Okay.

- MAN (over radio): All clear.
- Oh. There it is. Good to go.

Oh. Cool.

(air siren winds down)

Okay, cool.

Ah. Bye, Joyce.

NARRATOR (on TV): Will they be survived

- (blender whirring)
- by other memorials to mankind?

Jesus.

- Look at our lives.
- I know.

Okay, fun's over, everybody.

(TV shuts off)

(groans, sighs)

You know, you should get a generator.

- What for? We're fine.
- Yeah, I know,

but this stuff happens, and what
if next time it lasts longer?

- You should get a genny.
- Well, isn't that, like, involved?

No. It's, like, bucks.

Put some diesel in it,
let it sit in the garage,

hook a power strip up to it,
and then if it happens again,

it'll go for a couple days on one t*nk.

Okay, where do I get one of those?

DIY. I'm going there
tomorrow for some stuff.

If you want, I can swing by first,

and I can help you get one.

Okay. That would be awesome.

What?

- Sammy.
- (grunts)

Ooh.

All right. (grunts)

♪ Cellino & Barnes ♪

- ♪ Injury attorneys ♪
- ♪ Attorneys ♪

♪ - ... ♪
♪ - ... ♪

- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- (singsongy): Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Drive, drive, drive, drive.

- Hello!
- What do you want me to do?

Oh, God.

- Hello! Hello!
- Okay.

Hello.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Phyllis.

- You're Bob.
- Yes. Bob.

Mom, this is Jeff.

No, it's Bob.

That's right. Sam, I'm Bob.

- Okay. Bye, Mom.
- Wait, where are you going?

(sighs) We're going to DIY.

Oh, DIY.

Yeah. You need something?

Well, if you see a lavender suit

- or a Merlot skirt...
- What?

Oh. Where are you going?

DIY. They sell toilets

and drywall and plungers.

Well, if you see a lavender suit...

- No.
- Why not?

Okay. I'll ask the
guy at the paint counter

if he has a lavender woman's suit.

I don't know why you can't just say,

"Yes. I will if I see it. I love you."

You know why I can't, Phil?

You know what, I-I don't know.

I'm sorry.

- If I see one, I'll get you one.
- Thank you.

And no buttons. I don't like
when they have buttons.

- (sighs)
- You mean on the suit or on the skirt?

The suit. I like buttons on a skirt.

- Wait, I got to write this down.
- No, I've got it all up here.

- Bye, Phil.
- Bye!

♪ ♪

BOTH (singing along):
♪ 'Cause when my baby is sad ♪

♪ You know that is bad ♪

♪ 'Cause she's the
heart of my heart ♪

♪ And I'm her ol' dad ♪

♪ And I'll do anything to
put a smile on her face ♪

♪ 'Cause seeing her sad
is just a big disgrace ♪

♪ Seeing her sad ♪

♪ Is just a big disgrace. ♪

- Yee-hee!
- Yee-haw!

But if she's his baby,
why is he her old dad?

I think because it rhymes.

And also because he's
shtupping his daughter.

(snorts)

(over radio): ♪ My memories... ♪

What?

Nothing.

What are you getting
at the hardware store?

Just some wood for Sunny's porch.

(scoffs) You realize you
do ten times more for her

since you guys divorced?

Yes.

She's got the sweetest deal.

I mean, she's having a
romance with Mr. Private Jets,

popping bottles, and she's
got her loser ex-husband doing

all the chores.

Okay.

Do you want me to just go
ahead and I'll drop you off

- right over here?
- Sure, that'd be great.

I'll help that lady sell oranges.

(chuckles)

So, the girls' dad...

- (sighs) Xander?
- Yeah. What's his, uh, deal?

Oh, I just...

I'd really rather not,
Jeff, thanks for asking.

No, I know. But how often
does he see his girls?

I can't. I really can't.

I would rather show you my p*ssy
than sit here and talk about that.

Oh. Well, okay.

That would be good, too.

Shut up. You know what I mean.

(chuckles)

I do, actually.

I think the worst part about
divorce is being asked about it

all... the... time.

I mean, it's amazing how
nobody minds bringing it up.

You know? Like I want to talk about it?

I'm fighting moment to
moment just to feel normal.

Put one foot in front of the other.

Trying not to look down.
And people are like "Hey.

"Hey, guy. What about down?

What's-what's going on... down there?"

I feel you, brah.

So, this is the one I have.
Or Sunny has.

Okay, fine. I'll take it.

Okay. Did you want to see the others?

What am I looking at?
It's all metal and plastic.

It's like if you took
me to an alien store

and you said, "You want
the zeep zop or the zorgle?"

Whatever Sunny has.

I'll have what she's having.

Okay.

So, how are we gonna
get it out of there?

You rip the tag off and...

and then they put it in the
trunk while you're checking out,

same as my lumber.

I get it.

That's why you said
we don't need the cart.

Yeah, yeah. That's okay.

I'm stupid. Stup... I'm a girl.

Slightly stupid. No harm done.

(grunts)

Okay, well,

I still think the cart is cool.

It's like... I, like,
have made this kind of guy.

(deep voice): "Excuse me, ma'am,
where can I put this for you?"

- I want everything.
- (chuckles)

Anyway, thanks for helping me
out, buddy. I appreciate it.

It's no problem, buddy.

You know, I kind of
want to do this other...

What?

ROBIN: Mia, this is Sam.

Hi.

It's nice to meet you.

Oh, hi.

Nice to meet you, too.

Hi. I'm buying a picture of a generator.

I just want to say one thing.

I just want to say that...

... I miss you.

And it sucks not being with you anymore.

Come on, Mia.

♪ ♪

[heavy sigh]

(groans)

I hate myself right now.

Ugh! I'm the biggest
piece of sh*t in the world.

Oh. (sighs)

- ♪ Out west, nowhere... ♪
- I deserve to be alone.

And I didn't even have the balls

to just break up with him!

Ooh!

Damn it.

Okay, Sam.

SAM: Ugh.

I'm gonna have to throw
a little bit of a flag

on the play, here, all
right? I don't know the story.

Maybe you did something sketchy.

Whatever.

Far be it from me, of anyone...

but the way he came up to you

with the whole, uh,

"I just want to say
I miss you," was a little...

bitchy.

Okay? And in front of his daughter?

No. I don't like it.

All right? And, okay,

that's, you know, from an outsider,
but also, for a minute, Sam,

just for a minute...

You know that I couldn't
show up for my marriage.

Right? I wasn't there, I couldn't do it.

And when I finally screwed up enough

to get out by mistake...

on purpose...

Which sounds like what
you did with this guy...

Everybody hated me.

And still does. I go to
pick up Sorrow from school,

every mom, dad, teacher,
they look at me like I'm sh*t,

okay? And I have to live with that.

I lost every friend,
Sam... Every one of 'em...

Except for you, okay?
You're the only one,

literally the only one

who let me off the hook
even just a little bit

and let me live my life.
Because, for some reason,

you decided that I'm
just a regular shithead

who sucks at one thing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that

I wish that you would give yourself

some of the same understanding
that you've given me.

And realize that maybe this
just wasn't for you right now,

with that guy.

And maybe, like a million
other shitheads, you just

didn't know how to get
out. And maybe that means

you're just not a whole piece of sh*t.

All right? I just wish
you'd give yourself

a tiny bit of the kindness
that you've given me.

- That's what I wish you would do.
- ♪ 'Cause we're living in a world of fools ♪

♪ Breaking us down ♪

♪ When they all ♪

♪ Should let us be ♪

♪ We belong to you and me ♪

♪ I believe in you ♪

♪ You know the door
to my very soul ♪

♪ You're the light in my
deepest, darkest hour ♪

No!

No, no, no.

No, Jeff. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no... No!

No. No. No, Jeff!

No. No.

No. No!

♪ How deep is your... ♪ (clicks off)

No! No, Jeff.

No. Jeff.

No. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No. No, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Jeff. Jeff. Jeff.

Jeff. No.

No. No. No, Jeff.

No! No.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

No. No. No. No,

no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

(panting): No.

No. No.

Right?

Right?

- Well...
- No!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Not, "Well." No.

No, Jeff.

Jeff. No.

Sam. Sam.

This is so stupid. You're so stupid.

You're Sunny's piece-of-sh*t ex-husband.

You're Sorrow's dad. You're Push's dad.

You're my kid's favorite
man in the world, probably.

Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up.

And, yes, you just
said an awesome thing.

And it was really cool

and a little bit sexy,

but no! Jeff. No.

I'm keeping my hand here, because...

this is a very no.

Okay?

We calm down.

We calm down.

Because this is a very no.

No.

And we just...

let it go.

(panting)

Um... okay.

I disagree.

I think that we...

should bone.

Mainly because I really

- want to bone you right now.
- Ugh.

- (sighs)
- Look, I just, I'm making a suggestion.

I want to make s... a-a
suggestion, okay? I'm just...

I'm-I'm... I'm-I'm... I'm-I'm
putting this out there.

The decision is yours, clearly.

I-If you were just to...

... taste my d*ck,

- and then we just go...
- Ew!

Ew!

Thank God! Thank God.
Oh, my God, you suck.

Thank God! Thank God!

Oh, God.

Whew!

Yes.

Oh.

Hey.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Hey.

Yes... yes.

♪ And it's me you need to show ♪

♪ How deep is your love ♪

♪ How deep is your love,
how deep is your love ♪

♪ I really mean to learn ♪

♪ 'Cause we're living ♪

♪ In a world of fools ♪

♪ Breaking us down ♪