04x05 - Public Fool

[bunniefuu]

♪

JACK: Wow.

It looks like you had
a rougher day than usual...

which is saying a lot.

I actually applaud the way you get up

and do it all over
again and again every day.

It's like watching you live
a dystopian Judy Blume novel.

I got expelled.

[LAUGHTER]

Wait, wait, wait.
They can't kick you out.

They'd lose % of the black
population at that school.

Nope! It's true.

I just got off the phone
with the school,

and he's been expelled
for knocking out a student.

He did what, now?

- Whoa!
- Cool!

What happened, sweetie?

DRE: This is what happened.

[VOICE CRACKING] I got jacked
for my chaaaaaain!

[Bleep] is wrong with you, boy?

[SOBBING] My chain!

- My beautiful, beautiful chain!
- Aww.

Junior's reaction may look
over-the-top, but it's not.

Ohh, the horror!

You see, recently,

I'd actually began to love him...

real fatherly love.

He'd saved up his money
and bought a chain.

And not just any chain.

He bought his chain.

This was a weighty,
-karat, solid-gold,

non-allergenic, lobster-clasped,

Italian Figaro rope... a chain.

He'd worked for God knows how long

doing God knows what

- to save up enough money to get it.
- [SCREAMS]

Don't do that. It tickles.

[SLURPS]

- When it finally came,
- [DOORBELL RINGS]

it was perfect.

In every boy's life, there comes a time

when he puts aside
the petty things of childhood

and finds that one article of clothing

that changes him...

- makes him "that dude."
- [SMOOCHES]

♪

For Pops, it was his leather jacket.

For me, it was my African medallion.

♪

For Junior, it was his chain.

Lookin' good in that chain, grandson.

It's like you're my...

my real son.

I mean, you... you are my real son,

but, you know, it...

it actually feels like it.

What the hell happened, son?

It was awful.

♪

Whoa!

Don't do that.

Please. Just don't.

No necklaces in class.

It's a chain! [SCOFFS]

Whatever! Put it away!

♪

I put my "necklace" away.

[SCOFFS] This guy.

♪

Whyyyyy?!

Hey. What's going on?

And why are you wearing that turtleneck?

And why do I suddenly feel like
I don't love you anymore?

Oh, my God.

Someone stole my chain.

What?

Ohh, the horror!

♪

Why did you let them take you
from me like this?

- Why?
- What?

- Why?!
- Dre!

- He's right here.
- No, he's not!

Without a chain,
he's just some light-skinned,

weirdo kid in a turtleneck.

- Dre!
- No. No, no.

He's right.

- I should tan.
- Okay.

Do you know who did it, son?

♪

JUNIOR: It was Reggie.

He used to be
the most popular kid in school,

until his parents put him on Accutane.

I don't like that [Bleep].

I don't like that [Bleep].

It changed him.

What should I do, Pops?

It's your chain, son.

It's your chain.

Your chain.

Yeah, you two are being ridiculous.

J-Junior, look at me.

Look... Look at me.

You ignore them.

We're gonna go down to the mall.

We'll go down to that little kiosk,

and we'll get you a new necklace!

We'll just get you a new one!

Uh... Junior.

It's your chain, son.

♪

[WHISPERS] It's your chain.

♪

[SCOFFS]

♪

I did what they told me to do.

What?!

You told him to hit another kid?

I told him to get his chain back.

I didn't know he was gonna hurt anybody!

I did. It was his chain!

Oh, my God! I can't believe you two!

And, Junior, what were you thinking?

- It's his chain...
- So help me, God,

if you say "It was his chain"
one more time, Dre!

Okay.

[SIGHS] And I don't know.

I mean, getting into a fight
and they expel you...

doesn't that...
doesn't that seem extreme?

[CHUCKLES] Not considering
he broke the kid's jaw.

I don't like this [Bleep].

I don't like this [Bleep].

You broke his jaw?

You broke his j...

Can't be doing that, son!

Jawbreaker! [CHUCKLES]

What the...

Man!

♪

What are we gonna do?
I mean, that's his school.

He has to go there.

Don't worry. I'll get him back in.

I can't even believe that
they're treating him like this.

Seriously.

I mean, you know what?
We should trade up.

Valley Glen is hot garbage anyway.

Their robotics team...

it's only ranked fourth nationally.

Sting's kid

- doesn't even go there anymore.
- Exactly.

- The two of you sound ridiculous.
- What?!

You should send Junior
to the local public school.

What's the point
in spending all this money

to live in this damn neighborhood

if you're gonna turn your nose up

at the school
that's right down the street?

RUBY: Public school?!

Might as well send him to Afghanistan!

POPS: Mm, here you go.

I went to public school.
Now, look how I turned out.

- Okay, that's not a good argument.
- Yes, look how you turned out.

Hey, hey, come on, Pops.

You know there are enough strikes

against black kids in this country.

He's looking at me like that
because he knows I'm right.

Black Americans have always
had a difficult road

when it comes to public education.

Separate was never really equal.

Jim Crow laws made any chance
of black students

getting a fair shake at a good education

almost impossible until ,

when the Supreme Court heard a case

by this smart,
wavy-haired brother right here,

Thurgood Marshall.

Brown vs. Board of Education

declared that separate but equal schools

are inherently not equal.

The court called for desegregation

with all deliberate speed.

[CHEERING]

But black folks got hit
with the okeydoke.

Thanks to deliberate speed,

it took years to desegregate

just % of segregated schools.

[GROANING]

But then Title IV hit

and authorized the federal government

to finally say, "Integrate,

or get zero money from us.

A lot of people were not happy
about this, but who cares?

The Supreme Court
had finally got it right.

I wonder what's different about them.

Over the next few decades,

integration rates reached
an all-time high.

And wouldn't you know it...
national testing scores

were also higher than they'd ever been.

So since things were going so great,

what did we do?

[Bleep] it up, of course.

[GROANING]

In , the Supreme Court decided

their mandatory integration ruling

was never meant to be permanent,

upending Thurgood Marshall
life's work by one vote.

He would retire later that same year.

In less than a decade,
our nation's test scores

dropped to -year lows.

In , a study showed
that public schools

are less integrated now than they were

when Martin Luther King
was k*lled in .

Our schools were more crowded,
less diverse,

and more dangerous than ever.

Luckily enough for my kids,
they go to private school,

where they can get a great
education and feel safe.

And if I can give my kid a leg up

by sending him to private school,

then that's what I'm gonna do.

Mm-hmm, and why you think
I moved Heaven and Earth

to put Dre in a private school
when he was a kid?

You sh*t me
and took my disability check.

Yeah, well... [CHUCKLES]

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

RAINBOW: Whatever.

I am totally open-minded
when it comes to education,

and the fact is that
I probably would've gone

to public school myself
if I was not an Indigo child.

♪

Not right now. Okay, babe?

What are you talking about?
I got a leaf in Divination.

POPS: What are you talking about?

Bow was clearly lost in space,
and Pops would be fine

if Junior ended up as a Pullman Porter.

It was up to me to make sure

Junior got into
another good private school,

and that's exactly
what I was going to do.

I got on the phone
and called around town.

But it seemed like Junior's reputation

of being an angry, jawbreaking
black kid preceded him.

Trying to get him
into a new private school

turned out to be a lot harder
than I thought.

Well, we didn't want to go
to your punk-ass school anyway.

[CELLPHONE BEEPS]

That was our last one on the list.

We actually did want to go
to that punk-ass school.

Well...

Junior's gonna have to go
to public school.

- [SIGHS] Hey. What are you doing?
- Hey.

Well, Junior's starting public school,

so I'm trying to
come up with something nice

to say about him at his funeral.

- Wha...
- "My son...

had a chain."

Dre!

Junior survived you for years.

He's gonna be fine in public school.

Ehh... I don't know, babe.

Our kids weren't built
for public school.

They were raised in captivity.

He's gonna be fine.

School is school,

and Junior's gonna be great
wherever he goes.

Okay.

Dad hates spending money.

If this works out for Junior,

he could put us in public school.

What is that even like?

[BOTH SIGH]

♪ Been spending most their lives ♪

Turn it off. [SIGHS]

Turn it off.

♪ Been spending... ♪

So, after seven different
high-school movies,

what did we learn?

That public school principals
carry baseball bats

and it was okay to use
h*m* slurs in the ' s.

This is not us.

♪

STEVENS: Why so glum, Dre?

Don't tell me you're still pouting

about Chris Paul wisely choosing
a Confederate state

where he doesn't have to pay
any income tax.

Almost as bad.

Junior may have to go to public school.

Public, like a toilet?

Ugh! Are they still doing that?

Come on, Dre. You make enough money.

You can opt out of that nonsense.

In fact, it is a miracle that
you survived public school.

Actually, I went to private school.

What?!

Was it like a... black private school?

So, you're sending your son
to public school to punish him.

I get that.

You know, my parents, they, uh...

they wanted to knock me down a few pegs,

so they sent me to
public school... in Greenwich.

Greenwich?

It's not what you think, Dre.

There's a lot of diversity there.

I mean, sure, there's families
like the Kelloggs and the Posts,

but there were also kids

whose families owned
lesser cereal companies, too.

Sure, that worked out for you
because of your ZIP code.

But the public schools
that black and brown kids

have to go to have all been abandoned.

Classic white flight.

Yeah, we move to your neighborhoods,

you guys are out.

We move to your schools,

- you guys are out.
- Mm-hmm.

We move to your Cheesecake Factories,

you guys are out.

God, do I miss the Cheesecake Factory.

It's still open.

[CHUCKLING] Okay, Dre.

See, you guys don't know
how serious this is.

You send your kids to private school

to keep them on top.

I send my son to private school

to get him in the game
in the first place.

You guys are here, and we are here.

Mnh...

Mm.

Well, just get ready
to be a granddad again.

None of my kids have kids.

[SNORTS] Okay, Dre. [CHUCKLES]

What about you, Charlie?
Did you go to public school?

- I did, in fact, Joshua.
- Hmm.

My school shared grounds
with a gator farm.

I was number in my class.

Number for humans.

But if I did have a son,
I'd send him to private school.

Uh...

you do have a son, Charlie.

Eustace!

♪

You, uh... you sure you don't
want to go check on him?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'll go... I'll go check on him.

Get some gas first
and then play the lottery.

Put some air in my tire.

You need something?

No. I'm good.

All right.

Let's see if I got everything.

- I'll take some Milk Duds.
- Okay, gotcha.

So, I work with lunatics,
but they did make me think

about our public school decision.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- I wonder where Bow's head was at.

- Oh. Hey. Oh!
- Hi!

I heard what happened to Junior!

Yeesh! Are you okay?

Uh... yeah. We're... We're fine.

So, where's he gonna go? Oakwood?

- Crossroads, Flintridge?
- No.

Oh! Harvard Westlake!

[LAUGHS]

No, he's actually gonna go
to the public school.

Oh, is there a new private school

called "Public School"?

No. A-An actual public school.

Sherman Oaks High?

- Yeah, it's, like, right up the street.
- Sher... [LAUGHS]

- Sherman Oaks High?
- Yeah.

- Oh, yay!
- Yeah.

Yeah, you know, we...

always wanted to send our kids
to public school...

- ...but then we remembered
- You should.

that we live in Los Angeles,
so we cannot.

- But you can.
- Ehh.

- No, you actually can.
- Not really.

- You... You can.
- Mm...

Well, all right. Well, we are.

Um... I was watching
a documentary the other day.

Fun fact... when whales leave

- their fun little sea parks...
- Mm-hmm.

...the public whales drown them.

Wait. What are...
I don't... What are you saying?

You know, I got the, like...

Nothing. I'm not saying anything.

I'm sure Junior's gonna be just fine!

- You're a real hero.
- No...

So brave!

- So brave.
- I don't...

I'm starting to freak out.

- I'm gonna need you to calm me down.
- I don't know, Dre.

I actually think I'm gonna
need you to calm me down.

Janine really scared me about
Junior going to public school.

You should be. Junior's toast.

He's gonna be a child left behind.

Oh, my God.
The whales are gonna drown him.

Not if the gators get him first.

Oh, my God.

- I'm so scared.
- Me too!

Do you know how much money
in property taxes

I'm supposed to be paying
for that school?

Why don't you two idiots
go down there and see the place?

Where did you come from?

♪

Hi, Zo. H...

O-Ow!

My clavicle!

Quit whining.

Word on the street is,
you're going to public school.

You're gonna need to toughen up
if you want to survive.

You do want to survive, right?

Right?

Yeah.

Great. Follow me.

♪

Ow! My other clavicle.

♪

What's the point of this?

Bury it.

What?! No!

Look, I'm only gonna tell you this once.

It's either you or the cape
that's gonna end up in there.

The choice is yours.

♪

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

[WHEEZES]

All right. As soon you get there,

you got to walk up
to the biggest kid in the school

and hit him right in the face.

How do you know all of this?

You can't become a cool girl
in private school

without having questionable
friends in public school.

Come on! The strong get tested,
the weak get rested!

WOMAN: You want to take
a tour of the school?

We don't do that.

Just show up with a piece of mail.

That's your admission process?

A Pennysaver? A Chipotle mailer?

A Valpak?

Even if it says "Occupant,"
we'll believe you.

And if you forget it,
we will not follow up.

[VIDEO GAME BEEPING]

[TELEPHONE BEEPS]

He's gonna be gator meat.

♪

Okay, let's go over this one more time.

So, you have all
the emergency numbers, right?

Do not hesitate to use them.

Hey. Hey.

Oh.

Goodbye, my son.

We've had some good times together.

Like that time
you first got your gold chain

- Yeah.
- And, uh...

and when you first wore that gold chain

and, uh...

some other times
I can't recall right now,

but it's all good.

It's all good.

I'll see you guys on the other side.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- I hope.
- Yeah, okay. One more hug, honey.

I love you so much.
You're such a handsome boy.

♪

You know what, babe?

The place actually doesn't look so bad.

Surprisingly tranquil.

- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- [BOTH SCREAM]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- Junior? Junior?
- Son!

- Aah! Oh!
- Somebody grabbed my booty!

We just got to get out of here,
all right? It's about us now.

He hasn't answered any of my texts!

Maybe the school
just doesn't have reception.

Of course it doesn't!

We sent him to a prison.

- [GROANS]
- We failed our son.

Sure have. I told you...
just let me shadow him.

- What?
- I'd blend right in.

Do a side ponytail and some go-go boots.

I'd look like
a gorgeously overdeveloped teen.

- [GROANS]
- Yeah.

Mom, Dad, great news!

Junior's the hot dog weenie
we always knew he was!

- What?
- What are you guys talking about?

A video surfaced of the fight.

Junior didn't break that kid's jaw.

Junior found Reggie after school.

They got into a major stare-down.

And then Junior took
a wild swing and missed.

because Reggie had fainted.

The water fountain broke his jaw.

- BOTH: Oh.
- See?

Turns out Reggie has a condition

that causes him to faint when
he's feeling least threatened.

Yeah, this makes way more sense.

It's called a confidence-induced stroke.

Kanye gets them all the time.

This means he could go back.

This is so great for us!

Huh?

Us, like... like, as in a family.

- Uh-huh.
- You know? Like, together.

JUNIOR: Mom! Dad! I'm home!

Baby!

Oh, my goodness! Oh!

Did you hear the good news?

You get to go back
to being the dorky, boring,

sheltered, private-school loser
you've always been.

What are you talking about?
I'm not going anywhere.

I love public school.

- Huh?
- What?

You love public school?

I'm not surprised.

With my training, he's probably
running the yard already.

Actually...

I was about to take your advice.

Yo, my parents took me to
Harry Potter World this weekend.

That place was lit!

And check this out!

Oh!

My dude's cape game is on point!

Turns out, in public school,

I can actually be myself
and people will like me for me.

I've already got cool nicknames,
like Meal Ticket and Way Out.

- Oh, boy.
- That's not that cool.

And one cute girl
who, like yourself, Mom,

also happens to be a mother of five.

Even invited me to a foursome.
[CHUCKLES]

But I don't golf, so...

And the best part is, I'm not
the only black kid anymore.

I even counted, like,
six black teachers.

Not to mention that
they have a vending machine

with actual soda in it.

I had my very first Mountain Dew today.

- [ANGELIC HARMONIZING]
- It was... glorious.

Thought long and hard about it, guys.

I'm staying at Sherman Oaks.

- We're screwed.
- Totally.

And I'd like you to invest
my private-school tuition

in an immensely low-risk money market.

Huh. Well, it doesn't work like that.

You are a child,

and you don't get to decide
where you get to go.

You're fortunate to have
private school as an option.

Your dad has a very good point.

And you're getting your gold chain back.

Maybe not.

No. Dad, don't you see?

I don't need my chain anymore.

My chain is inside me.

- Wait...
- Just leave it.

Public school fills me with
that same warm, fuzzy feeling

that my chain did.

- What is that called?
- Confidence?

- Yes! Confidence.
- Oh, boy.

It's glorious.

Just like Mountain Dew.

[ANGELIC HARMONIZING]

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- DRE: I don't know, Bow.

I'm still worried
about public school for Junior.

I just want what's best for him.

You know, I had so many great
opportunities after graduation,

and I just want him
to have the same access.

Oh, my God.

Am I Stevens?

Worse... you're Black Stevens.

See, y'all are part
of a much bigger problem.

For years, bougie black folk
in this country

have turned their back
on their community schools

instead of trying to improve them.

That's what you call Black Flight.

And what was it called when
you sent me to private school?

Being scared of your mama.

- [LAUGHS]
- You know what, Dre?

- Hmm?
- We're always so worried

about the fact that
we're raising him in a bubble.

This way, he's gonna be around

different people
of different backgrounds.

Maybe this could be good for Junior.

Yeah.

It could make him cooler.

He's pretty cool.

- Hey, guys! Check it out!
- Oh.

Oooh! [LAUGHS]

Casting a spell there?

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

- Let me get this pizza.
- Little spell.

Remember when he had a chain?

It was his chain, Dre.

His chain.

♪

Parents are out of town this weekend!

- You know what that means?
- Marvel movie marathon!

M.C.U.!

Should we watch best to worst
or chronological?

Oh, chronological.

We start with "Captain America:
The First Avenger."

Well, "Guardians of the Galaxy"
takes place in outer space,

which could transpire
over any time span.

So take a knee.

RUBY: Hello, boys.

Does anyone want to listen

to the new Luther Vandross with me?

[LAUGHING] Hey!

All right, now.

I'm blending in.