02x21 - What The Hey

[bunniefuu]

Aw, man!

We missed the bus!

Who cares?

It's only school.

Only school?

Only school?

Which will give me
the tools to help fight

Disease, w*r,
and poverty?

I'm just there marking time
until I'm old enough

To buy lottery tickets.

: !

Oh, we're never
going to make it
on time now!

Oh, well.

We gave it our best sh*t.

Let's head to the mall.

You wanna cut school?!

Why not?

Look at you.

What do you do all day?

Schoolwork.

And what do you do
when we get home?

Homework.
And on the weekends?

Weekend work.
There's no such thing

As weekend work.

That's it.

I'm taking you
to the mall with me.

Norman, you know what to do.

I don't know about this.

Well, I do!

We'll kick back,

Eat a cookie
the size of your head,

And have a great time.

Sometimes,
you just gotta say,

What the hey?

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Captioning made possible by
abc cable networks group

London?
Hmm?

I heard the big news.

Yes. It's true.

I just bought my thousandth
pair of shoes!

No! Your father
got remarried!

You call that news?

His bride made the cover
of trophy wife.

Tell me all about it.

I wasn't there.
He eloped.

Really?

Well,
daddy doesn't like

To waste money
on weddings.

He prefers to save it on
more important things.

Divorce attorneys.

Oh, dear.
Did I just
hear you say

There's another
new mrs. Tipton?

Uh-huh.
Oh!

I wish I
would've known.

I would've
bought them

An extravagant gift.

Although
the warranties
on my last gifts

Lasted longer
than the marriages.

I don't get
him anything.

He gets me a "sorry
I got married again
without telling you"

Charm for my bracelet.

Look! I've got
of them now.

They're all solid gold.

Oh! Ooh!
Oh, can I try it on?

Sure. Here.

It's kind of heavy.

[laughs] it's--

[gasps]

First things first,

We have to call in sick.

Come on.
I don't we've rehearsed this.

[phone rings]

[imitates carey]
hello, this is
carey martin.

Zack and cody
are home sick today.

I tried a new
tuna recipe,

And well,

They have a touch
of food poisoning.

[coughs]

And a slight cough.

They should be
back tomorrow.

That is just uncanny!

Thank you.

Now tuck in your shirt.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, zack!

Wait a minute.

What if someone sees us?

Just relax.
I've never been caught.

You've done this before?

Once or twice.

Hey, zack!
Hi, man!

What's up?

Maybe times.

Cody, check it out!

Everything stinks is
sh**ting a video here.

I love everything stinks!

Yeah, especially their
scratch and sniff album.

And their lead singer,
matisse.

She's spicy.

Hey!
And there's a drawing

To be in their video.

Let's put our names in.

Fine. But just in case

They announce the winner
on the radio,

I'm not going
to use my real name.

Good thinking.
Me neither.

So, what name
did you use?

I'm wing lee. Who are you?

Cody martin.

I hate you.

Hey, guys.

Thanks for the call, zack.

You're skipping
school, too?

Shh!

Some things we scream,

Some we whisper.

Excuse me, sir.

Ah, just a moment,
young lady.

I'm brandi tipton.

I'm marion moseby.
Hmm.

Welcome to the tipton,

Mrs. Tipton.

I'm looking for my new
stepdaughter, london.

Let me escort
you over to her.

Right this way.

Just so you know,

Your wedding gift
is on backorder.

Oh! And I should
be candid.

I only got you
the -week warranty.

Brandi, this is
london tipton.

London, this is--

London,
it's so nice
to meet you!

Your father's told
me all about you.

Oh!

Moseby, why is
this stranger hugging me?

She's your
stepmother.

Moseby, why is
my stepmother hugging me?

Because I love you,
silly.

You just met me.

I know, but...

I already love you!

You're my daughter,

And you're perfect
in every way!

Wait till you get
to know her.
[laughs]

I'm maddie.

London's friend.

Oh! I'm so happy
to meet one of

London's little friends!

Well, I'm going
to go check on
your gift.

It's huge.

Honey, why aren't you
in school right now?

Oh, the nuns are
out of town.

Their team made
the semi-finals in wrestling.

Sister dominic has
a mean body slam.

Well, since
you're off school,

It's my lucky day.

You and I can hang out,
go to the spa,

And have some good
mother-daughter fun.

I just wanna go up
to your suite and
freshen up.

That sounds
horrible!

Are you kidding?

My mom's idea of
mother-daughter fun

Is cleaning fish together

And making finger puppets
out of the heads.

Come on, sweetie!

The elevator's here.
[scoffs]

I know where
the elevator is.

I'm invited
to this gala tonight,

But I have absolutely
nothing to wear!

Nothing to wear?

This closet is amazing!

[voice echoes]

I know. I love it.

I'm sure mr. Moseby
will let you keep it,

Even when
you're with us.

Excuse me?

You're coming to live
with your father and me

So we can be
a real family!

Excuse me?

Your father and I
can't have you

Running around
unsupervised.

You're barely .

You know,

When I was your age--

When was that?
minutes ago?

London,
as your stepmother--

Listen, missy.

I've had earrings longer
than daddy's had wives.

It'll be a cold day in...

Wherever it's always hot,

Ttle
charms orders me around.

I will...

Not be talked to in
that tone, young lady!

You will show your
stepmother some respect!

I will show my stepmother
the door!

That's it!

You leave me no choice!

You're grounded!

[gasps]

You may not go
to that gala dinner,

And that's final.

Oh! We'll see about that.

[cell phone beeps]
[sniffling]

Daddy?

Your new wife's
being mean to me!

Oh, yeah,
she's pretty, but--

Ok, I'll hold.

Williekins,

I had to ground
our london.

It would mean
an awful lot to me

If you backed me up
on this.

Love you.

[cell phone beeps]
hi, daddy.

I'm grounded?

[sniffles]
but daddikins!

Fine.
[cell phone beeps]

I hope you're happy.

A mother's never happy
punishing her child.

Well, the child ain't
so thrilled either.

Cody, you don't
have to hide.

We're not going
to get caught.

This is
ridiculous.

I should
just go.

I'm not having
a good time.

You're not having
a good time.

Look, cody.

I insist you
do something fun.

Why don't you
have a hot dog?

Give him a number !

Comin' up.

What's
a number ?

Oh, a hot dog
with chili...

Cheese, sauerkraut,
hot pepper,

Sweet pepper,
stuffed with bacon,

Wrapped in ham,
deep-fried,

With a light mustard
dipping sauce.

Holy cow.
[bell ringing]

We've got
a number !

All: Number ! Number !

Number ! Number !

[cheers and applause]

Whoo!

Way to go.

This is delicious.

This is wacky wally--

[plays cartoon whistle]

From wzpz!

[honks horn]

Announcing
our contest winner--

[triangle jingles]

Who will appear in
the new everything stinks

Video, video, video!

Now, come on up here--

[imitates motor]

[imitates cymbal crash]

Wing lee!

Where's wing?

Cody! That's you!

You're wing!

Wing won?

I mean, I won?

I won!

You're wing lee?

You got a problem
with that?

I got a problem
with my girlfriend.

I don't care
what your name is.

Hi, I'm matisse.

Lead singer
of everything stinks.

[sighs]

[murmurs indistinctly]

Good thing it's
not a speaking role.

This is the best day
in my life.

I've met my dream girl,

And eaten
deep-fried meat.

Nothing could ruin
this day.

Hey, guys.

Isn't that your
mom over there?

Except that!

Run!

London,
come back!

I am not talking to you.

I've known you
for minutes,

And you've already
grounded me.

Well, you
deserved it.

[scoffs]

Girls, girls.

You two need to find
some common ground.

Something you both like.

What's
your favorite food?

Italian.
Sushi.

What's
your favorite animal?

Cat.
Broccoli.

Ok.

Uh, your favorite
activity?

Shopping.
Shopping.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a match!

You two can bond
by shopping!

But...

She's grounded.

Well, then
you'll only shop

On the ground floor.

Well...

I'm willing
to try if
london is.

Fine. But you've
got to come.

Um, I'm working.

I'll buy you
whatever you
want.

Let's shop
till we drop, girls!

What's mom
doing here
at the mall?

I don't know.

She works like,
hours a day.

She has to spend the rest
of her life somewhere.

You two, again!

And who's that?

Your parole officer?

Well, I was thinking
about buying that scarf,

But you can
forget it now.

Pardon me.

I'll be right
with you, ma'am.

Just as soon
as I deal with--

I can't believe
mom came in here.

She can't afford this stuff.

I should know.
I do her taxes.

Whoa, that's
a lot of numbers.

What do you suggest
for a woman who's
on a budget?

Marry a rich man?
[chuckles]

Or, failing that,

Down the street,
the cent store.

[chuckles]

[knocks on door]

Hello? Is anyone in here?

[singsong voice]
it's occupied.

I'm sorry.

It's all right, mom.

Ma'am!

Excuse me, do you
have any other
changing rooms?

Ooh!

Size .

Aren't we being
a bit optimistic?

[chuckles]

Ok, you can
buy whatever
you want.

I can do that anyway.

But I can't.

Thanks, mom!

London tipton!

How great
to see you!

Mwah! Mwah!
Mwah! Mwah! Ha ha ha!

Shall I throw
everyone out
of the store?

[chuckles]

Really.
It's no bother.

Hi, girls.

Hi, carey.

You know her?

You two are friends?

[chuckles nervously]

Oh.

Love your hair.

[chuckles]

Any sparkling
water?

Citrus or berry?

Surprise me.

Ok!

So is this one

Of your little
high school
friends?

No. This is
my new mommy.

Wow.

Got your figure
back already.

[laughs]

Nice to meet you.

Ah-choo!

I hope it's
cold enough for you.

Well, did you
hold it right
next to your heart?

[laughs]

Straw?
Coming right up.

That is so fun!
[giggles]

When she comes back,
tell her

I went to
the cent store.

Can we go now?

Now, london, be patient.

It's so hard to raise
kids these days.

Raise me?

I've known you
for a hour and
a half.

Excuse us.

London, remember what
sister dominic taught us?

About turning
our anger into love?

How we have to reach out
to others

And do nice things
for them?

I don't want to do nice
things for brandi!

I don't care about her.
I'm talking about me!

Sort of cute things.

Oh, that's cute.

Oh! Maybe this one?

Oh, I love that one.

That was close!

That was fun!

The feeling you might
get caught at any moment!

I know. Never wears off.

Hi, uh...

Wing. Ahem.

Congratulations on
winning our contest.

Here's the director.

All right,
now here's the deal.

You're playing
a kid at the mall

Having the time
of your life.

Think of something happy

To get yourself
in the mood.

Like I've cut school
for the first time,

Eaten a deep-fried
hot dog,

And snuck away
from my mother

Without her
seeing me,

Giving me
the biggest
thrill of my life?

Yeah.

Places, people!

You know, all cody
cared about this morning

Was heading to school.

Now look at him.

This is some of
your best work ever!

I think I'm gonna cry.

Ahem.

Wow!

You like?
I like!

Uh, I don't like.

It's far too revealing.

Oh, yeah,
your mother's right.

That's not how
my stepdaughter's
going to dress.

Uh, yes, it is!

Look, I don't need
you in my life.

What london means is--

I don't want you
in my life.

And by that she means--

You're not
my mother.

Look, I'm going
to be around

For a long, long time.

Your father and I
love each other.

That's what
stepmother
number one said.

Stepmother number said
they were soul mates.

And stepmother
number was gone

Before the charm
was even finished.

You're just another
one of these.

Places, people!

Roll camera! And...

Action!

[rock music plays]

♪ so emotional ♪

♪ so attached ♪

♪ just afraid ♪

♪ of backlash ♪

♪ so many things ♪

♪ that I need to say ♪

♪ thinking of them ♪

♪ in the same way ♪

♪ tell me why ♪

♪ does it have
to be me ♪

♪ oh, why can't
they just see ♪

♪ I like both of them ♪

Boy, do I love dancers.

Think I can
get some digits?

♪ so feel better ♪

♪ just the two of them ♪

♪ waiting for me ♪

♪ just the two of them ♪

♪ that I really
want to see ♪

Your mom's
over there.

♪ my brain ♪

♪ why I can't I ♪

My mom?

I thought
she'd left.

We've gotta
warn cody.
[no audio]

Cody!

Zack! What are
you doing here?

Saving you!

Mom's back!

Mom! Uh-oh!

♪ just the two of them ♪

♪ waiting for me ♪

♪ just the two of them ♪

♪ that I really
want to see ♪

♪ well, just
the two of them ♪

♪ breaking my brain ♪

♪ why can't I ♪

♪ just pick one ♪

♪ nobody knows ♪

Cut!

This ain't my vision!

Are you ok, wing?

I'm sorry, wing?!

Let's get out of here!

Stop!

What are you
guys doing here?

Mrs. Martin.

Well, I can see
you've got some
parenting to do.

And bob, I'll be
calling your mother

To let her know how
you spent your day.

In that case,

I better go pick her up
something nice.

I'll go with you.

Yeah, not so fast.

Zack, I cannot believe
that you cut school.

Cody, I really
can't believe you.

What were you thinking?!

I was thinking
zack was right.

I was a stick
in the mud

Who only thought
about homework
and grades.

But today,
today I had fun.

I said,
what the hey?

And lived!

Ok! Yeah.

Uh-huh. Right.

Honey--

Hey!
Hey!

Ok.

Sweetie, I'm
very glad that
you had fun.

And...
[stammers]

Maybe zack does
have a point.

Uh, I do?

So I guess we're
off the hook.

Oh, honey,
of course not.

You are in
big trouble.

Walk.

[bell ringing]

I'm right here.

Uhh! I'm sorry.
I'm just angry!

[bell rings]

At the bell?

At my stepmother.

Ah.
Can you believe her?

Telling me what
to do, like--like--

A parent?
Well, she's not my parent!

No, she isn't,
but she's trying

To have a relationship
with you.

She's doing a lousy job!

Well, that may be,
london,

But at least
she's doing something

That the other haven't.
What?

She's trying.

Remember how number
just called you "that kid?"

Oh, yes. I remember her.

That woman.

Look, maybe brandi didn't
get off to a great start,

But isn't it worth
meeting her halfway?

I don't know.

And you never will.

Unless you give her
a chance.

Ok, moseby.

Thanks.

You always know what to say.

[elevator dings]

Brandi!

Don't leave.

Look, I'm sorry about
all the mean things

I said to you.

I didn't realize
you were being annoying

Because you cared.

I guess I just got excited

About having a stepdaughter.

Well, how about
we start by...

Just being friends?

I'd like that.

Boy, it's great
being a mom.

Take a good look
at the people in
the lobby, boys,

For one month,ve lives,
that means no movies,

No desserts,
no television,

No music.

Cody, for you,

No reading for fun.

Don't worry.

I never read
for fun.