04x27 - Fun Girls

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

What's that now, seven blankets?

Yeah, you know what I'm getting sick of? What?

I'm getting sick of mending Otis'

chewed up blankets. What?

It's going to look real good on our inventory...

Chewed up blankets.

Every corner chewed into,

like he was a cocker spaniel or something.

Well, you know how Otis is

after a night of hard drinking.

He has these bad dreams,

and he has to chew on something.

A blanket is kind of like a pacifier.

Yeah, well, we ought to go down to the pet store then,

and get him a rubber bone or something.

Yeah.

You say you mend those blankets?

Yeah.

It's hard to keep up with him, but I stitch them up.

Nights when time hangs heavy,

I just take a needle and thread, and sew them up.

Well, I didn't know that.

You can sew? ( laughs ): Yeah.

When did you learn to sew?

Watching my mother.

Watching your mother?

Yeah.

Tell you another little secret if you don't go

spreading it around. What?

I can crochet, too.

You can't. Yeah.

Watching your mother?

( laughs ): Yeah.

It's very "therapetic."

It is, huh?

You know that knitters and crocheters

seldom have stomach disorders?

No, I didn't know that. Yeah.

I ain't done it in a long time,

but I was gonna take it up again,

surprise you this Christmas.

What?

I was gonna knit you an afghan.

You weren't. Yeah.

You know, with the state colors?

And right across the middle,

"Bless This House."

You can do that?

Sure.

Well, I'll be dogged.

Will ya?

Sure.

I'll have to ask Aunt Bee to buy me the yarn.

I don't like to go in them knittin' stores and buy yarn.

They look at me so funny.

Sure, sure.

I'll tell you, the county sure owes you a lot,

saving them money sewing things up like that.

Well.

Let's see.

Desk lamps: two.

No, three.

No, that one's gone... Neck's busted it, remember?

No, I fixed it.

All it needed was a nut and some washers.

Well, you are a Mr. Fixit, aren't you?

Mendin', repairin'...

Excuse me.

How much more we got to do?

A couple of hours, anyway.

We're going to have to finish tonight

if we want to take the girls out tomorrow night.

You know, we ain't had supper yet, Ange.

It's almost : .

You know me and my low-sugar blood content.

I'll be gettin' a headache in a minute,

and I won't be any good to anybody.

Hey, I got an idea.

Take too long to go out.

Why don't you run over to the diner

and bring back a couple sandwiches?

That's a good idea.

You know what I'm gonna get?

Two chili-size burgers with chopped onions,

catsup, piccalilli and mustard,

side of French fries, slab of rhubarb pie

and a chocolate malt.

How's that hit you?

That'll lay on your chest.

You work it off, man, you work it off.

Oh, Barn, I don't...

Will you leave it to Mr. Fixit? Okay.

Where's the car, front or back?

Back. Now, don't dawdle,

I don't eat that food cold.

Are you kidding?

The diner guarantees their food to stay hot...

hours after you've eaten it.

( chuckling )

Hello.

Anybody home?

Hey, who's minding the store?

Oh, hi, girls.

Hi, Andy.

Where's Barney?

He went to get supper.

We're havin' to work tonight... County inventory.

Well, drop it. What?

We want you to go to the movies with us.

Oh, we can't.

We'd better stay with it.

Can't you finish it tomorrow?

Not if he wants to take you to the dance tomorrow night.

That's why we're hurrying to finish tonight.

Oh, what a shame.

It's a Cary Grant movie.

You want to go to the dance tomorrow night?

We sure do.

Well, then we'd better stay with it.

You run along, and have a good time.

We'll see you sometime tomorrow.

All right. We'll miss you.

Bye. Good night.

Hey, don't set with anybody.

HELEN: Well, now, don't you count on it.

Anybody here?

GOMER: Hey, Andy.

Hey, Gomer.

Say hey to my Cousin Goober.

Hey, Goober.

Hey, Andy.

We was gonna go to the picture show

and thought maybe you might like to go, too.

I can't, Gomer, I got to work.

It's a Cary Grant movie. I know.

Goober never does miss a Cary Grant movie.

He studies him.

He what?

He studies him

on account of he takes off real good on Cary Grant.

Did you ever hear him take off on Cary Grant?

Uh, no, Gomer... Goober, do Cary Grant for Andy.

Oh...

Come on, he ain't never heard you. Oh, Gomer.

Come on, do it. You can do it.

Listen, Gomer, if he don't want to...

I'll do it.

Attaboy.

Wait a minute, Andy.

Close your eyes.

What?

Close your eyes.

Listen to this.

He's gonna take off on Cary Grant.

Go, Goob.

Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.

Couldn't you just swear

Cary Grant was right here in this room?

ANDY: Yeah, that was good Goober.

Listen... It sure was, Goob.

You got to show me how you do that.

Judy... Judy... I can't do it.

Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.

You're good at how you can do that.

Yeah, l-l-listen, Gomer.

You know who else he can do?

Uh, no. Edward G. Robinson.

Do Edward G. Robinson for him, Goober.

Listen to this, Andy. Do I have to close my eyes?

No. Keep them open.

Go on, Goob... Edward G. Robinson.

Okay, you guys.

Come on, you guys.

All right, you guys.

b*at it, you guys.

See why I didn't want you to close your eyes?

He looks just like Edward G. Robinson.

Don't he look just like him?

ANDY: Yeah, he looks a lot like Edward G. Robinson.

Listen, Gomer...

Hey, you want to see something else?

Well... Walk like Chester.

You know, Chester and Marshall Dillon?

He can walk just like Chester.

Go on, Goober, show him.

Ain't he got talent?

Goober, you really got talent.

Yeah, Goober, you really got talent.

Listen, Gomer, if you'll excuse me,

I got to get back to work.

I'm sorry you can't go to the picture show with us.

Well... But we'll see you.

Judy, Judy... Oh, I can't do it.

Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.

You're good at how you can do that.

You got to show me how to do that.

( whistles )

Sarah?

Fine. How are you?

Oh. Oh, that's a shame.

Well, drink a lot of hot juices.

Uh, get me the diner, would you?

( door opening )

Uh, never mind, Sarah.

Where you been?

I was callin' you.

Where are the sandwiches?

Uh, Ange... ( clears throat )

What's the matter with you?

Well, what happened was,

I run into some old friends.

You met them with me a long time ago.

So?

So, uh, they insisted

on, you know, paying us a visit.

You see, they never saw the inside of a jail before...

Barney, visitors tonight of all nights?

Helen's been here. Thelma Lou's been here.

Goober and Gomer's been here.

Now you come in here with visitors.

We'll never finish.

Well, I know, but you see...

Surprise!

Remember the girls, Andy?

Remember the night we met them in Mt. Pilot?

Of course he remembers.

And this is your blind date, Daphne.

You remember Daphne.

( giggling )

( deep, sultry voice ): Hello, doll.

It's the funniest thing

running into Bernie.

Barney.

Daph and I were just sitting in this booth,

and I looked up, and I said to Daph,

"Say, Daph, isn't that our friend, Bernie?"

( giggling )

And he turned around, and all of a sudden

I could see, sure enough, it was Bernie.

Barney.

( gasping )

Daph!

Will you just look at his hair... wavy!

Oh, doesn't that just k*ll you?

What us girls have to go through

to get a wave in our hair...

Setting under the dryer for hours...

And just look at you.

How do you know the sheriff

don't set under a dryer?

The sheriff... Setting under a dryer.

Oh, Bernie, you're a scream.

Excuse us. ( laughing )

Barney, get them girls out of here.

Ange, I was stuck. What could I do?

Get 'em out of here.

It will just be a few minutes.

I don't care. Get 'em out of here.

Hey, that ain't nice, boys.

You got company.

Yeah. Come on, show us around, doll.

So this is where you keep

all the bad little girls, huh?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Uh, well... Come on, Bernie, you promised

to show us around. Come on.

Girls, actually, this...

You know, I ain't never been

in a jail before... Except to visit friends.

Come on, Bernie.

Well, uh, actually, there isn't too much to show.

These are our maximum security cells.

( clanging )

Hey, Skip, look at me.

♪ I'm locked up with the sheriff ♪

♪ I'm locked up with the sheriff. ♪

Hey, that looks like fun!

Yeah, it is.

Come on, Bernie. Barney, open the door.

Let's you and me get locked up in a cell. Open the door, Barney.

Bernie, come on. Open the door!

I want to get locked up in the cell, too, Bernie.

Oh, Sheriff, come on, let's play big house.

Girls, listen.

This isn't the best time for a visit. No.

We have all this work to do and everything.

You come back another time,

and we'll be glad to show you around.

Of course, doll.

You know what he is?

A gentleman, a real gentleman.

Yeah, not like your friend, Al, that bum.

That's not my friend, Skippy.

Al is your friend, and you know it.

Well, who brought Al around anyway?

I certainly didn't bring him around.

Who first brought that creep around?

I didn't bring him around. I didn't, Skippy.

Girls... girls, don't fight. ( women arguing )

Don't fight. Girls, please don't fight.

Please don't fight.

Uh, Barney, why, uh...

why don't you drive the girls

back over to the diner?

The diner?

Bernie, now you promised that you were going

to drive us all the way home.

Don't you remember? You promised.

I actually did promise, Andy.

I really did.

All right, Bernie, why don't you drive the girls home.

Say! You mean you ain't coming along?

( stuttering ): Well, I have this work to do...

Well! And I suppose I'm supposed to set

in the back of the car all alone all the way to Mt. Pilot.

Well, that's a heck of a note, that's all I can say.

He's beginning to sound more like your friend Al now, huh?

( giggling )

Al is not my friend, Skippy.

Well, he ain't mine.

He is so. I told you...

Girls, please. Please... ( women arguing )

Please, girls, please don't fight.

We'll... we'll both drive you home.

Oh... I'll just get my jacket.

Mr. Fixit?

Oh, it was a cute movie, wasn't it, Helen?

Oh, I enjoyed it.

I'm so sorry the boys couldn't come.

I know Andy would have loved it.

Yes, poor things... Working at night.

I wonder if they're still there.

Probably. Say, why don't we stop in,

and see if they'll buy us a soda?

Good idea.

Well, let's go.

Sheriff, I just love that jacket.

Hey, Daph, ain't this exciting?

We never been out with cops before.

Well, that's a good way

to stay out of trouble.

"Good way to stay out of trouble."

Oh, Bernie, you're a scream.

( giggling )

Sheriff, where we settin', huh?

BARNEY: You want me to drive?

ANDY: No, I'll drive. I'll drive.

How 'bout stoppin' at the Kit Kat Club for a beer?

Yeah! That puts us in the backseat, Bernie.

SKIPPY: Come on.

DAPHNE: I ain't crowdin' you, am I, doll?

Crowd me, Bernie.

I just love to be crowded. Ooh.

Well...

Just... just let me change the gears.

SKIPPY: Bernie, you k*ll me!

( women giggling )

You're still sore, ain't ya, about last night.

I ain't sore.

Yes, ya are.

Your jaw muscles are workin'.

I ain't sore.

How come your jaw muscles are workin'?

Barney!

Look, Andy, I'm sorry.

It was just one of them situations

I couldn't get out of.

Those girls absolutely insisted.

Now, what could I do?

Well, all I know is

the work that was supposed to be done last night

has got to be finished today

all because you brought

a couple of wild women in there for a visit.

And if that wasn't enough,

you arranged for us to drive 'em home

all the way to Mt. Pilot

so we get back too late to do anything

but go to sleep. Look, I cou...

And we're wasting time

sittin' here talkin' about it,

so let's go in and go to work,

and just forget about last night.

Just forget about it.

You mean that?

Yes.

You're not sore anymore?

I ain't sore.

Then how come your jaw muscles are workin'?

Hey, Ange...

Girls are in town kinda early this morning.

Yeah. Doing a little shopping for tonight, I guess.

Hi, girls!

Thelma Lou?

Thelma Lou!

Didn't you hear me call?

We heard you.

Oh, is there anything wrong?

No. What could be wrong?

Oh, well, good.

What time do you want us to pick ya up tonight?

Might as well arrange that now.

Tonight?

Yeah, the dance.

You wanna go, don't ya?

Oh, of course...

What time do you want us t...?

But not with you.

Huh?

We're not going with you.

Wait a minute. What's going on?

We got a date for tonight.

We had a date for tonight.

But we don't anymore.

What is this, some kind of a joke?

Come on, Thelma Lou, quit horsing around.

Barney, I don't know how to make it any plainer.

We are not going with you tonight.

Now, if you'll excuse us...

Now, wait a minute, I don't know what

this is all about,

but we had a date for tonight.

We worked last night so we'd be free.

Shouldn't be hard for you

to get yourselves another date.

Why don't you take the two young ladies

who were with ya last night when you were... working.

They looked like fun girls.

So, that's it.

How do you suppose they knew about that?

I don't know.

They probably saw us leaving

when they was comin' out of the movies.

Boy... what a conclusion to jump to...

Fun girls.

( disheartened chuckle )

Well, what do we do now?

I don't know.

'Course, we could always take the fun girls.

Yeah.

The nerve of 'em.

Imagine the nerve...

Thinkin' we had a date with them girls?

This whole thing is due to you, Mr. Fixit.

You b*at everything.

You know that, Barney?

Now, wait a minute...

If you hadn't brought them silly girls in there

in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Ange... You started the whole stupid thing.

Your jaw muscles are workin' again.

Well, wait a minute.

Don't you wanna even hear an explanation?

Well, I don't care what you saw last night.

Listen, listen, I'll stop by in a few minutes,

and pick you up, and explain on the way to the dance.

W... Well, all right, then!

Well, here's your tie, all nicely pressed.

Well, thanks, Aunt Bee, but I'm not goin'.

Not going?

No.

Helen and Thelma Lou got other dates.

So, let 'em. I'll just stay here.

Oh, fiddle-dee-sticks!

They have no such thing.

Oh, they're just sulking to make you feel bad.

You and Barney go to the dance,

and they'll be waiting for you,

and you'll talk, and you'll dance,

and it'll all be settled.

I'm not up to playin' games.

I'd just as soon stay here and forget it.

( doorbell buzzing )

There's Barney coming to pick you up.

Now, go on. Hurry up. Go along.

I've got to finish giving Opie his supper.

Ain't you ready? Ain't you comin'?

Barney, I'm not going to a dance

and stand in a stag line with Old Man Schwump.

We're not going stag.

What?

( women giggling )

Surprise!

Hi, Sheriff.

We're going dancing. We're going dancing.

Oh, say, Daph,

don't they look cute in their civvies?

Hello, doll.

Excuse me.

Barney...

What's going on?

What are you doing?

Well, I'll tell you.

You know what you said this morning?

How you had a good mind

to take these fun girls to the dance.

That's a darn good idea.

Let's show Thelma Lou and Helen

there's other fish in the ocean.

You outta your mind? Get them girls outta here.

Wait... Get them girls outta here.

( music playing ) Hey, boys, how 'bout a little warm-up dance, huh?

Get them girls out of here.

Uh... uh... this, uh... ( music stops )

Uh, this is, uh... this is my Aunt Bee.

Hi, Aunt Bee.

Hello, honey.

Opie, finish your supper.

This is my boy, Opie.

( admiring sigh )

Oh, he's a-dor-able.

Hello, sweetheart.

You gonna be a sheriff when you grow up, too?

Oh, no, Daph.

You know how that works.

The son of a cop is usually a gangster.

( women laughing )

We, uh, we might as well, uh, go.

Yeah, I guess it's, uh, twinkle-toes time.

Twinkle-toes time!

Oh, Bernie, you're a scream!

( laughing )

You comin', Ange?

When this is over, I'm gonna k*ll you.

( music playing )

Sure was nice of you girls to ask us to come tonight,

wasn't it, Goober?

Yo.

That means "yes."

Goober always says "yo" for "yes."

He picked that up when he was in the National Guard.

They say that in the National Guard,

don't they, Goober? Yo.

See? Hey, do Cary Grant for us.

Oh, he already did that.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, do Edward G. Robinson for us.

Oh, he did that one, too, remember,

out in the parking lot. Oh, yeah.

Hey, you girls want another bottle of soda pop?

( simultaneously: ) Oh, no, thank you.

Hey, would you like to dance?

Not right now. Thanks.

Oh, I know somethin' you never have seen him do.

Sew up your fingers, Goober.

Oh... Come on, Goober, sew up your fingers.

Oh, Gomer... Watch this.

Sew up your fingers. Go on, watch this.

It's really good.

Now, Gomer, if he doesn't want to...

I'll do it.

That a boy. Go on.

( laughing )

Don't that k*ll ya?

He's too much.

They dance kinda square here, don't they?

Yeah. Like at one of them friendship clubs.

Come on, doll, let's show 'em, huh?

Don't you wanna set down first?

Set? That's just for the old folks. Come on.

Let's go, Bern.

Mr. Schwump.

Goober, I think I would like to dance, after all.

Wouldn't you, Helen?

Yes, I think I would.

Good. Yo.

Hey, there's Andy.

Hey, Andy!

( mouthing ): Hi.

Hey, Earl... Hi, Andy.

( whispering inaudibly )

Folks, we're gonna play a little game right now.

Every time you hear the music stop,

we're gonna switch partners, okay?

( "The Saints Go Marching In" playing )

( music stops )

( music resumes )

( music stops playing )

( music resumes )

( music stops )

Listen, I got somethin' to tell you,

and you're gonna listen.

( music resumes )

Now, will you just not jump to conclusions?

Will you not jump to conclusions?

You think I wanted to come here with them girls?

Is that what you think?

Don't jump to conclusions.

I tried to tell you, on the phone, but you wouldn't listen.

Oh, I'm sorry, Andy.

It was stupid of me.

I... I should have known better.

Well, next time...

You're pretty. You know that?

It was just one'a them nutty things, Thelma Lou...

Just one'a them nutty situations

that I get myself into, and then I can't get out of,

and then I'm sorry.

Oh, Barney, if you're really sorry...

Of course I am.

You know you're the only girl I care anything about.

I mean, you're the only one I really...

well... love.

What?

I said you're the only girl I love.

I can't hear you.

( music stops playing ) You're the only girl I love!

Well, like they say, "All's well that ends well."

Yeah. Well, let's go home.

Well, where are them girls?

I don't see 'em anyplace.

Oh, there they are.

Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy.

( delighted laughter )

You wouldn't think Gomer's got such a talented cousin, huh?

( laughing )

Come on.

( delighted laughter )

Good night, Thelma Lou.

Call you in the morning.

There you go.

See, everything turned out for the best.

There was a little adventure,

but it turned out all right.

Yeah, I could have done without the adventure.

I'm tired.

Hey, drive by the courthouse will ya.

I want to see if Otis turned himself in.

Okay.

You got a little...

Did you leave the lights on?

Yeah, in case Otis checked in.

DAPHNE AND SKIPPY: Surprise!

There's my Bernie.

Hello, doll.

Hey, Andy, Hey, Barney.

We brought your girls back for you.

Where'd you disappear to?

The girls said you was gonna drive them

back to Mt. Pilot tonight.

Come on, doll.

Hey, can me and Goober

come along for the ride?

Goober will do imitations for you,

won't you, Goober? Yo.

You never have seen him sew up his fingers, have you?