04x29 - The Rumor

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

Miss Cleta.

Mighty pretty black all-cloth coat.

Well, it's just fine, Mr. Sterling.

I thought you'd like this one here...

This particular one.

Oh, I do.

I wonder, though, could I have it made

just a little bit smaller?

Well, if it's for me, it's fine.

I got fat wrists.

Why, Andy...

Howdy, Fred. Hi, Andy.

What's that?

Oh, it's a gift for my niece's graduation...

A charm bracelet.

Oh. That's pretty.

Oh, I wonder, could you have it made a little smaller?

Sure. I'll have it for you Friday.

Fine. Thank you very much.

See you, Fred.

See you later.

Hey, look here.

Oh, it's...

Yeah, it's pretty; look at that.

Mm-hmm.

Why do they have to be up to anything, Barney?

Why couldn't they just happen to be

in the jewelry store together?

Oh, come on, Thelma Lou, put two and two together.

Read the handwritin' on the wall.

Blow away the smoke and look at the fire.

Barney, you're always throwing your education in my face.

Can't help myself.

I'm just a student of humanity.

Guess that's the difference between a sharply honed lawman

and just an ordinary jerk wearing a badge.

Will you stop being so dramatic

and just tell me what's on your mind?

I think they're gettin' engaged.

No.

Well, why not?

They were in the jewelry store together

and he was kissing her.

Now what do you think?

I don't know.

Look, I know Andy.

I know Andy better than Andy knows Andy.

Now, he wouldn't kiss anybody out in public

unless he'd been hit by a transport of emotion.

They were buying a ring.

Lay mind finally begins to click, huh?

You know, I'm getting goose bumps

just thinking about it.

Well, all I can say is it's about time.

I've got to call Helen and see if they've set a date.

Now, wait a minute!

Now, if they'd wanted us to know

they'd have said something.

Obviously, they want to keep it a secret.

I know it's tough for you being a woman

but for heaven's sakes, don't tell anybody.

I'm so happy for them.

I always hoped it would be Helen.

Well, I knew it'd happen sooner or later.

Now, be sure and don't tell anybody, Aunt Bee.

Let it come from them.

( sobbing )

Take it easy, now, Aunt Bee.

I didn't mean to upset you.

There you go.

It couldn't happen to two nicer people.

( sobbing louder )

Oh, come on, now, Aunt Bee.

Darn, silly women.

( voice breaking ): You cry at the drop of a hat.

Get a bit of news about some loved one, you...

you women just come apart.

All right, Melvin. All right.

That I can understand.

We all want privacy from time to time.

But that does not give you the right

to put up quarantine signs.

According to them signs at your place,

you've got cholera, yellow fever and the bubonic plague.

You got your neighbors scared to death.

Well... Well, I can sympathize with you,

but if you don't want magazine subscriptions

or your septic t*nk pumped out, there's a sign that you can get

that says, "No peddlers or agents."

Well, sure, that'll apply to septic t*nk pumpers.

Sure.

Now, take down them "disease" signs, Melvin.

All right.

We'll appreciate it.

Good-bye, Melvin.

Hear a good one at lunch, did you?

( snickering )

Well, if it's that good, tell me.

You k*ll me; you know that?

You son-of-a-g*n.

Well, you gonna tell me, or aren't you?

What you know, I don't have to tell you.

You son-of-a-g*n.

Talk about old Mr. Transparent.

What are you talking about?

I've said too much already.

You didn't say anything.

( phone rings )

Sheriff Taylor.

Oh, hello, Arthur.

( sighs )

Wait a minute, Arthur.

Barney, go out there

and make Melvin take down them diseased signs.

Check.

You k*ll me.

There we are.

( sniffling )

Onions gettin' to you?

No, no, it's nothing.

You didn't do anything

to upset your Aunt Bee, did you?

Oh, no, Paw, I've been real good lately.

You know, I think she's got one of those 'lergics.

One of those 'lergics?

Yeah, like Johnny Paul Jason has.

You see, at a certain time of the year,

the bumble bees stand on the flowers.

They get a lot of this flower dust on their legs.

Then they spread it all through the air.

Now the people with 'lergics breathe this right in.

I guess 'cause they just don't know any better.

Well, anyways, they get all puffy

and their eyes run watered.

And Johnny Paul Jason has this?

Uh-huh.

During April and May he's not allowed to breathe.

Well, he has to breathe to live.

He gets by somehow.

Paw?

Hmm?

I don't think that's 'lergic.

I don't either.

Aunt Bee, uh, anything wrong?

No, no, nothing's wrong.

( sobbing )

Paw, she's crying.

I just don't understand it.

I washed my hands and face.

I emptied all the dirt out of my pants cuffs.

My lizard's outside in the lizard house.

Well, I've seen women go through this before, Ope.

They go through spells.

See, women are a lot more sensitive

than us men are.

Little things will set 'em off.

She could have heard a song on the radio today

that reminded her of oh... a rowboat ride

or a dance where she met somebody nice...

Things like that.

They work different.

Mm. Certain sounds set 'em off... smells.

I bet it's the liver.

She looked at the liver

and got reminded of when we had liver last week.

Oh, well, to make liver romantic,

I think you might have to stretch it a little bit.

I guess I just don't understand it, Paw.

Well, when you grow up

you won't understand it either, so don't worry about it.

( sobbing )

It's the liver.

She looked right at it and cried.

Well, good-bye, Ethel.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

Remember to have your mother put something

on your sty!

Oh, hi.

Oh... Well, what is it?

I'm so happy.

That's wonderful.

How about walking downtown with me, Helen?

I want to try some linen shoes.

Oh, I do need some stockings.

Oh... no, I'm going down to the jeweler's on Friday.

I can pick them up then

and besides, I have papers to grade.

Friday?

Mm-hmm.

The jeweler's?

Yes.

Oh!

( whimpers )

Well, I can go today if it's really that important.

Well, that sure surprised me.

Andy and Helen... two of a kind.

Gomer, I told you I was trying to think.

Will you please not talk? Just put the gas in, okay?

What are you thinking about, Barney?

Well, Friday's the day

and I think we ought to do something about it.

What you wanna stop 'em for?

Let 'em go ahead.

Who said anything about stopping 'em?

Will you just tend to the car?

You know, a party.

I think we ought to give 'em a surprise party.

Andy and Helen... my, oh my, oh my.

Well, it takes two to tango.

We could ask people to chip in

and give them a nice gift.

Yeah, and we could get people to bring, you know,

pop and sandwiches and stuff like that.

Let's do it, Barney.

If we don't, we'll feel awful

on their th wedding anniversary.

Yeah.

Put down Martha's ham...

Sarah's turkey...

Should we let Lillian

bring something?

No!

Barney!

Well, she'll bring meatballs

and they're always terrible.

They're one percent meat, and % bread crumbs.

She puts them in the oven, and they vulcanize.

Right, Thelma Lou, they're awful.

At the Naylors' anniversary party

well, the guests couldn't refuse them

but they didn't eat them.

We found them in potted plants, between magazine covers

in the fireplace.

James Masefield had three in his Mackinaw pocket

when he went home.

We'll ask her to bring rolls.

Well, what about the gift, Aunt Bee?

You got any ideas?

Well, let's see.

They're going to live here, naturally

and Andy's room is... is, uh...

No. No, it'd be too much.

What? What?

Well, Andy's room is certainly no place to bring a new bride.

It's like an elephant's nest.

And I was thinking if we could paint it and paper it

and put up new curtains, and a bed with a canopy...

Oh, Aunt Bee, what an idea!

A bed with a canopy.

What do you mean, a "canopy"?

Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland

in The Dashing Prince?

Oh, ah, a bed with a fringe on top.

Oh, Andy would hate that.

That's so... kissy-looking.

But it would be so feminine and so beautiful.

Well, it's his room.

The bedroom is usually decorated for the bride.

I've dreamed of a room like that all my life.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

( sobbing )

Well, come on, now.

You know what you're crying about?

A covered bed, a bed with a lid on it.

Come on!

Cut it out.

My, my, my. Helen and Andy.

Isn't that wonderful?

By golly, Helen and Andy.

Well, you never know.

Yeah, it was a surprise to all of us.

Look, Floyd, now here's the card,

you just write down your name

and then maybe "sincerely" or "good luck"

or whatever is your individual want.

And then on this, you put how much after your name.

All right, "Andy and Helen, congratulations.

May all your troubles be little ones."

( laughing ): I just thought of that.

You character.

Here, now put how much you're giving.

$ . ? You only gave me $ . , Floyd.

Well, Andy owes me $ . for a haircut.

That's got nothing to do with it!

Now here, put down $ .

Andy and Helen, well, ain't it the truth?

Your barber is always the last one to know.

Oh, it's going to be a dream...

an absolute dream.

Hi, Aunt Bee.

Oh! Oh, Barney, thank heavens.

For a minute, I thought it was Andy.

Oh, don't you worry about him.

He's going to be busy downtown all day.

I dropped a filing cabinet drawer this morning.

Oh, Barney, you're a devil.

He's got "J" to "Z" to keep him busy.

Well? What do you think of the room so far?

Well, it's going to be a "boudoor," all right.

Is the paint still wet?

Oh, my, yes.

Now don't touch it, whatever you do.

Well, yeah.

Well, keep Opie out of here.

Oh, he's long since gone.

I sent him over to the Belfasts' to spend the night.

That's a good idea.

Oh, uh, does he know yet, about, uh...

you-know-who and you-know-who?

Who and who?

"A" and "H."

Oh, no, I thought it best that "A" tell him himself.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

It's going to be a big thing

having "H" for an "M."

I hope the surprise works.

Barney, you haven't slipped up on anything, have you?

Oh, come on, Aunt Bee, don't be sill.

Subterfuge is my business.

You're talking to a man who kept a straight face

looking at a criminal while Andy crept up

behind him with a club.

I didn't hear about that.

Well, you know Andy.

He don't like to bring

his work home from the office.

What time is everybody getting here tonight?

Oh, eight bells.

Now look, Thelma Lou and I are gonna make like

we're taking Helen and Andy out to dinner, see,

and then we're gonna stall 'em until it's time to get here.

Oh, Barney, that's clever.

Well, I can't take the credit for thinking it up.

It was a suggestion on the outside of the decoration box.

What am I doing standing here?

I've got a million things to do.

Yeah.

Hi, Andy.

Barney, don't ever pull a file drawer

out that far again.

Well, I'm sorry about that, fella.

It was a dumb mistake

and I shouldn't have done it.

I wish you'd defend yourself so I could get mad.

Well, I'm sorry, and I wanna make it up to you.

So Thelma Lou and I are going to take

you and Helen out to dinner tonight.

Oh, it wasn't that big a thing.

No, it was a big thing

and we're taking you two to dinner.

What are you getting so upset about?

Well, for Pete's sake,

be gracious enough to accept my apology

for doing such a big dumb thing.

I accept your apology.

You don't have to take us out to dinner.

Will you let me be the judge

of how big an apology I ought to make?

All right, all right, don't get so shook up.

I'm not shook up.

I better go put on my suit.

Uh, no.

Why not?

Well, uh...

I was talking to the girls

and they both agreed that once in a while

they like to go out with us in uniform.

Mm. Helen's never mentioned that to me.

She wouldn't.

Why not?

Well, it's a whim.

Are you going to question a whim?!

You question a whim

and you take the fun right out of it.

Well, will it k*ll the whim

if I just take a shower

and put on some clean socks and underwear?

Well, sure it will!

It's not a whim anymore

if you put on clean underwear.

Well, I don't understand it

but I guess a fella shouldn't question

when he's getting a free supper.

That's right.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

( both chuckle )

Can you let me have five?

Heaven.

Oh!

Oh, Bee, it is heaven on earth!

It's my dream room.

GOMER: Hello? Anybody here?

Oh, people are coming.

We better get downstairs.

All right.

Lovely.

Beautiful!

GOMER: Hi, Aunt Bee!

Surprise!

Oh, Gomer the surprise is not for me!

I was just practicing.

What time are they going to get here?

: sharp. Barney and Thelma Lou

are pretending to take them to dinner

but they're just going to stall until it's time.

Well, where does everybody want to eat?

Well, anyplace is fine.

Well, Barney, you're the host.

You pick a place. Thelma Lou?

Any place you say, Barney.

It's all settled then. Good.

Where are we going?

Well, I don't know yet.

How about the diner, as long as you

didn't want us to dress up?

He didn't want us to dress up?

Now, don't put that off on me.

That was your whim, remember?

Oh, that's right; it was.

Well, the diner's fine with me.

Sure.

Good. It's just down the street.

Uh, no.

Why?

Well, today's Friday, and you know

what's on the menu... Catfish casserole.

Ugh.

Well, we don't have to eat the special.

No, they got a lot of other stuff:

Steaks, chops, macaroni surprise.

What made you say "surprise"?

That's what they call it on the menu.

Oh.

Look, Barney you just pick a place

and we'll all go along.

Sure.

Is that all right with everybody?

Well, of course.

You're the host and everything.

Well, that's it then.

Well, where you want to go?

I don't know yet.

Hello, dear.

Aunt Bee.

Hello, everybody.

Oh, Lillian.

I told you you didn't have to bring anything.

I know, but...

I know how everybody loves my meatballs.

Yes.

Well, then how about spaghetti?

Good. Everybody likes spaghetti...

Let's get in the car.

No! Why?

Well... I'll tell you why.

Because for some odd years,

I've been trying to keep my weight down.

What?! Oh, Barney!

I don't like spaghetti anyway.

Thelma Lou, we had spaghetti for lunch last week

and you told me you loved it.

A lot of people lie at lunch... what of it?

Now, listen

this is how we'll work it.

Everybody will go into the kitchen

and when I give the signal

everybody come out and yell, "Surprise!"

Oh! What's the signal going to be?

Oh...

How about if I go outside

and when I see 'em coming, I'll do my hoot owl.

Oh, do you do a hoot owl?

( high-pitched hooting )

Oh, that's good! That's good.

Then that's settled! That's settled!

That will be our signal.

Gomer will hoot.

I'm starving... drive us to over the market

and I'll get a loaf of bread and some bologna.

Look, I'm just trying to figure out

a decent place to eat.

Well, I've had it. You do what you want to.

Drop Helen and me off at my house

and we'll get something out of the icebox.

No!

It's almost : .

Okay. We'll go over to your house and get

something out of the icebox.

Well, do I get my five dollars back?

( starts engine )

( muffled hooting )

( muffled hooting )

( indistinct conversations )

Ah!

Bee-bee-bee-bee!

Oh! Andy!

Oh!

Oh, Andy!

Hoot! Hoot!

ALL: Surprise!

Well, what's going on?

Who's the surprise for?

Aw, come on, buddy!

It's not a secret anymore.

We all know.

You all know what?

That you're engaged

and you picked up the ring today.

Come on, you two!

I've got something to show you!

Come on! Come on!

What? Wait a minute.

( talking overlapping )

Aunt Bee, I keep...

This is your present.

We all chipped in and had it done today.

Aunt Bee... Uh...

Folks, would you listen to me for a minute?

Uh...

There's, uh... there's been a mistake made.

I knew it. I told you he wouldn't like it.

It needed more brown and green...

Barney, Barney, hold it just a second.

Uh... this is all very nice

but, uh... well, Helen and I aren't engaged.

What?! What?! What?!

We never even talked about it.

Oh, he's got to be kidding.

Wait a minute.

I saw you kiss her in a jewelry store

right on Main Street.

You're engaged!

You stop kidding me and tell me you're engaged.

Barney, we were just buying a bracelet for my niece.

Barney Fife, how could you do it?

How could you do it?!

If I get my hands on you...

Uh, folks, folks...

Hold it, hold it.

A party's a party anyway, and you're all here

and there's plenty of food and pop here and everything

so why don't we all go downstairs

and have a good time?

Huh? What do you say?

Go on back downstairs.

We'll be down

and we'll all have some fun.

Pretty, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

It's a lovely choice of colors.

Uh, Helen... Yes?

I'm... I'm sorry about all this.

It must be pretty embarrassing for you.

Well, it is a little bit

and I'm sure it is for you, too, Andy.

Well, I'll tell you one thing:

I'm going to be careful when I kiss you from now on.

( laughing )

People must think a lot of you to go to all this trouble.

Well, you, too... you, too.

I wanna get something straight.

You know a while ago

when I said there's been a mistake made...

Well, I meant for now, there's been a mistake.

Oh, I understand, Andy...

no, let me say it; let me say it.

Just for right now, there's been a mistake made.

I mean, who knows?

Maybe sometime we might wind up being together...

and I'd be honored.

Well, I'm not ready now either, Andy.

I studied for so long

and I'd really like to teach for a while.

I expect we'll both know when we're ready.

Now, that's what I'm gonna do.

You'll all get your money back

and Aunt Bee will get the room she's always dreamed of.

( all awing )

Now, come on! Come on!

There's plenty of sandwiches and pop and everything

and let's have a good time. Come on.

What a dumb trick.

This is the dumbest trick.

Barney, don't you ever call me dumb again.

All right.

What a dumb trick.

It's a swell party, but what a dumb trick.

Now wait a minute.

Hold it down!

All right, hold it down, please!

All right, please! Quiet, quiet!

Now I have something I want to say.

Now I'm sorry, but I lost the little book

with your names in it.

( people grumbling ) Now, that's okay.

Wait, that's okay.

That's okay, because I'm just gonna take your word

for how much you gave.

Now it's gonna work out just fine.

There'll be no arguments and I'll just take your word, okay?

All right, Floyd, you're first.

I gave $ . .

Floyd, you gave $ . .

I didn't count that $ . for the haircut.

$ . cash and $ . owed.

I gave $ . .

No, you gave a dollar.

No, three, three. Wait a minute.

( all arguing )