04x32 - Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

Hey, Andy.

Hey, Gomer.

Are you busy?

No. Come on in.

What's on your mind?

♪ From the halls of Montezuma ♪

♪ To the shores of Tripoli ♪

♪ We fight our ♪

♪ Country's battles ♪

♪ On the land ♪

♪ And on the sea ♪

♪ First to fight for right and freedom ♪

♪ And to keep our honor ♪

♪ Clean ♪

♪ We are proud to claim the title ♪

♪ Of United States Marine. ♪

Oh, that's nice, Gomer.

You know what that's all about?

Uh... over the weekend

you went to see a John Wayne movie.

No. Guess again.

Well... I'm in.

You're in what?

The United States Marine "Corpse".

The United States Marine "Corpse"?

Right. See, here's my enlistment papers

and the book that shows where I'm going and everything.

You joined the United States Marines?

Right.

Why?

Well, I got word from the draft board

saying my number was coming up

and I was gonna be expected to serve a turn at m*llitary duty.

You see, every young man between the ages of and

is expected to serve a turn at m*llitary duty.

Did you know about that?

Oh, yeah, I know about that.

Well, what I done, I enlisted... Joined the marines.

And, uh, they accepted you?

Oh, the feller at the recruitin' office

was as nice as he could be.

Said I was gonna get to travel to the Far East

and I said, "New York?"

He said, "No, further east than that, China or Japan."

You know, you can't get no more east than that.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's east all right.

Uh...

Gomer... now, uh...

I know that you've got to serve

your turn at m*llitary duty.

Right. On account I'm between the ages of...

and . and . That's right.

Sure wish I had time to run up to Raleigh before I left.

I wanted to get a tattoo.

A what?

A tattoo.

I was going to get an eagle tattooed on my arm

and right underneath the eagle "Mother."

Or do you think

"Mother" ought to go on top of the eagle?

It don't make that much difference, Gomer.

"Mother" can go on top or underneath.

Look at those uniforms.

Reckon I'll look pretty sassy in 'em.

Can you see me in them clothes?

Yeah, boy.

And look back here.

Listen to this.

"The United States Marine 'Corpse'

has had many..."

What's that word right there?

"Illustrious."

"industrious and..."

"Distinguished."

"distinguished officers in its service.

"One of these

is Major General Lucius Pyle."

Pyle. Same as me.

If one Pyle can make it, another one can.

Yeah, I guess.

I'm gonna look him up first chance I get.

You know, I gotta report tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Uh-huh.

Uh, Gomer...

( clearing throat ): Listen, maybe, uh...

maybe there's something we ought to talk about.

Uh, Gomer, uh, things might be

a little different at a marine base

than they are here in Mayberry.

What do you mean?

Well, the marines are a very demanding outfit.

I mean, you got to be quick.

You got to be alert.

You got to be as tough as a rope.

You think that you can make all those things?

Well, maybe not just yet,

but I'm willing to meet them halfway.

Know what my daddy told me a long time ago?

I'll never forget it.

We was settin' out on the front porch in the summertime.

It was so hot, we couldn't sleep.

And he said, "Son, someday, when you're growed up

"they gonna test you to see how much of a man you are.

"And you gonna have to make it on your own

'cause I ain't gonna be there to help you."

That's what my daddy said.

And right here's where I'm going to get tested...

In the United States Marine "Corpse".

Well...

I reckon we won't see you around here for a while, huh?

No. Not if I'm down there

and you're up here.

Well, I'll see ya.

I'll see ya.

Hey, Gomer?

Uh... uh... listen.

I have to go down to Wilmington anyway.

Why don't I just drop you off?

It's... I have to go right by the base.

Well, that's real friendly of you, Andy.

Sure. I never have seen a marine base.

I'll just hang around for a while just in case.

In case what?

Oh, in case they want you to go home

and come back some other time.

They do that sometimes.

Oh, that can't happen.

The man at the draft board told me I was gonna have

to serve my turn at m*llitary duty.

And you know why?

to . That's right.

Well, you go on home and get ready

and we'll leave first thing in the morning.

Okay.

I better start doing that the right way.

♪ From the halls of Montezuma ♪

♪ To the shores of Tripoli... ♪

( "Marine's Hymn" playing )

( song continues playing )

( no audio )

Baker! Here.

Harrison! Yup.

Eadly! Here.

Hendrix! Here.

Pyle!

Gomer Pyle.

Come on, Gomer! Come on!

( vehicle approaching )

( tires screeching )

Come on, Gomer!

My name is Gunnery Sergeant Carter.

You will do well to remember that

because it's the only name

that's going to matter to you from now on.

Carter.

Sergeant Carter.

Is that clear?

Let me hear it!

What's my name?

ALL: Sergeant Carter.

Sir! Sir!

Sergeant Carter, sir!

Sergeant Carter, sir!

I can't hear you!

( louder ): Sergeant Carter, sir!

The first thing you people will get

will be your bucket issue...

To be filled with personal items

such as soap, toothbrush, razor blades, et cetera.

When you are told to fall in, you will fall in

and you will not be late.

There is no place in the marines

for a man who is late.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

I can't hear you!

Yes, sir!

Now, you people will...

Hey, Sarge.

What's your name?

Gomer Pyle.

Pyle, you were supposed to come in on the bus

with rest of the men from your area.

What happened?

Oh, about that.

You see, my buddy Andy Taylor offered to drive me down here.

That's him over yonder.

Say hello to the sarge, Andy.

Anyway, we give ourselves plenty of time

but about halfway here I got the feeling

we was gettin' a flat.

You know how when you're drivin' along

it starts going, "ka-thump, ka-thump, ka-thump"?

Well, sometimes, it's the car on the road

that causes the "ka-thump."

But if you know cars and tires the way I do,

you can always tell the difference.

So we stopped and got out.

And sure enough, it was soft but wasn't flat.

It was just a leaky valve.

You know how you can tell if a valve's leaky?

Well, you put spit on one end of it, and if she bubbles...

Four weeks K.P. for being late.

That's how you can tell you got a leak.

Six weeks K.P. for talking.

Fall in! Get!

Get! Get! Get! Get!

Get! Get! Get! Get!

Get! Get! Get! Get!

( mouthing words )

I am your sergeant,

your senior drill instructor,

your mama and your papa.

I will watch over you every minute.

I will be your whole world from now on.

Ain't he wonderful?

You are going to try and become marines.

You're going to follow in the footsteps

of men who have served

from the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli.

That's from the "Marine's Hymn."

I know all the words to it.

Did you say something, Pyle?

I was just saying

that's from the "Marine's Hymn"

and I know all the words to it.

I really do.

You do, huh?

Uh-huh. Nelson's Funeral Parlor back home

put out a calendar one year

with the words on the back of it.

That's how come I learned it.

Well, that's just wonderful.

Why don't you sing it?

Sing it?

Well, why not?

Well, sh**t, I ain't got much of a voice.

Aw, go on.

Well, if you'd really like it.

Just a minute.

Here's something

that will give a nice ring to your voice.

Go on, Pyle.

Sing it!

( in hollow-sounding voice ): ♪ From the halls of Montezuma ♪

♪ To the shores of Tripoli ♪

♪ We fight our country's battles ♪

♪ On the land and on the sea... ♪

This here's my favorite part.

♪ First to fight for right and freedom... ♪

Knock it off!

You know, it does give your voice a nice ring.

Eight weeks K.P.

Hustle, hustle, move!

Come on! Move it, move it, move it!

Move it, move it, move it!

Move it, move it, move it!

Pyle!

Move it! Move it! Move it!

Come on, move, Pyle. Move, move! Move, move!

Pick that up! Come on, pick it up.

Pyle, pick it up! Pick it up!

My grandma moves faster than that.

Well, bless her heart.

Get, get, get, get, get!

( men complaining )

Golly, ain't this a nice room?

And we're all going to stay here together.

( men jeering )

MAN: Ten-hut! As you were!

Your dress blues, Sarge...

Picked them up at the cleaners.

Hang 'em over there in the corner.

Psst! Hey, Gomer.

Hey, Andy!

Shh! Keep it down.

How's it going?

Oh, just fine.

That sergeant is a wonderful person.

I think we're really gonna hit it off.

I sure hope so.

Get these people to fall in.

Yo, people! Drop what you're doing

and fall in! Ten-hut!

Now, you people

listen up and listen good!

PYLE: And he's as friendly a feller

as you'll ever wanna meet.

That sergeant, he won't even

let us out of his sight.

Pyle!

I think they want you, Gomer. You better go.

Be right there, Sarge.

I'm gonna be with him four years.

I don't know when I'll see you again, Andy.

Pyle, come on, move!

( yelling )

You know who that was?

Ten weeks K.P.

Now, you people listen up and listen good.

Colonel Watson, the commanding officer of this battalion,

is coming by later to see what kind

of new recruit material we're getting these days.

This will be your first inspection.

You will be ready... In your utilities,

your bunks made, your shoes shined.

Let's move!

Uh, Gomer?

I think you got that sergeant a little sore at you.

I sure hope not; he's a nice feller,

but he is a might touchy.

But that could be 'cause he's got an ingrown toenail

or he could have had his hair cut this morning

and them little hairs is tickling his neck.

You never know what makes a man touchy.

Yeah, well, he's sore, all right.

Hey, you know how to get on the good side of him?

When he comes back in here

you be in uniform.

You show him you're ready for inspection.

Oh, you mean them green suits?

We're all supposed to put them on.

Oh, no!

I mean, a real uniform...

Something that looks nice.

This uniform.

That? Put that on?

Sure!

Why not? Go ahead.

Shazam.

That's a beauty, Gomer!

Is there just the one?

Well, uh, see, these uniforms

only come in one at a time.

So, look, what the heck?

You take the first one.

Fellas, do we mind

if Gomer takes the first one?

( men agreeing )

Put it on.

It's yours.

Shazam!

Ten-hut!

What have you people been doing... playing games?!

Let's get this gear cleared away!

Get that cover off your head!

You're inside!

Let's get these racks made!

I've got an inspection coming!

What are you people trying to do to me?!

Oh, Sarge?

I don't think this jacket

fits altogether right.

I think though, if we take a tuck here and there

and move some of the buttons

and shorten the sleeves a little bit,

it could be almost as good

as the one I wear to preachin'.

What do you think?

Psst! Hey, Gomer.

Hey, Andy.

How'd you know it was me under this thing?

I just took a guess.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Why do you ask?

Well, Gomer, whenever I see a man

settin' by hisself in a Quonset hut

with a bucket on his head

I've got to ask "what's wrong?"

Oh, about that... See, the fellers give me

one of them dressy blue uniforms to put on.

They said it was for me, but it wasn't.

It was the sergeant's.

You didn't put it on?

Uh-huh.

Gomer, that was stupid.

Wasn't it, though?

And that's, uh, how come the bucket.

Uh-huh. Sergeant said I wasn't thinking,

so he clamped this thing on my head

and said it'd help me to think.

And you know something? He's right.

I been settin' there with this bucket on my head

and just thinkin' and thinkin' and thinkin'.

What were you thinking about, Gomer?

How easy it is to think under there.

Hey, want to try it? No, thanks.

Go on, put it on, take a think under there.

No, thanks.

Uh, Gomer?

Would you be disappointed if they told you to go home

and come back some other time,

or maybe just wait till they called you?

Would you be disappointed?

Disappointed?

Why, it'd break my spirit is what, Andy.

Yeah, but, but, Gomer...

You remember how I told you my daddy said

one day I was gonna get tested

and he wouldn't be around to help,

and I'd have to make it on my own?

Well, that's what I gotta do now

and I wouldn't wanna disappoint him

or the marines.

It's going to be tough, Gomer.

I know.

And get tougher.

Right.

But you want it, huh?

Well, I'll, uh, I'll catch up to you later on.

Meantime, you think about it.

Yeah, and I know just how to do it, too.

( men talking quietly )

So I go outside to give these guys

a chance to fix their stuff, you know, you were there.

Right, right.

I come back in and there he is, in my blues!

My dress blues!

Did you hear what I said?

MAN: Oh, come on, is he serious?

Did you k*ll him? You could have k*lled him.

Everybody would understand.

MAN : What are you going to do? Throw him in the brig?

CARTER: I'm not going to do anything.

It's all going to be done for me.

MAN : How do you figure?

Well, the old man's coming by later

to take a look at the raw stuff that's coming in.

He's gonna see this clown and the mess his gear is in,

and he's going to ask me how come.

I'm going to say impossible.

And this jughead will be out of here on his way home by tonight.

MAN : That's the best idea. Send the jughead home.

Oh, I'd send him home all right.

But first I'd k*ll him.

I got to be going. I got this, fellas.

Hi, Sergeant.

Hi.

How's Gomer making out?

Gomer Pyle. I'm Andy Taylor, Gomer's friend.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You came in with him this morning.

That's right. How's he making out?

Look, uh, Taylor...

Where did this Pyle come from, huh?

He didn't, uh...

he didn't say anything, did he?

He didn't, uh, he didn't tell you?

Tell me what?

Look, Sergeant, all I can tell you

is that Gomer Pyle told me that he wants to make it on his own.

He don't want any favors from anybody.

He wants to be treated like any other recruit,

as if his name was Smith or Jones and not Pyle.

He don't want the name Pyle

to make any difference.

He don't want any special favors

just because his name is Pyle.

So, his name's Pyle. What's that got to do with...?

Nothing. That's what I say.

As far as you're concerned

he's plain old Private Lucius Pyle.

I mean, Gomer Pyle.

Okay?

Sure.

Good.

Wait a minute.

Just a minute.

Pyle. You don't mean to tell me that...?

Look, I didn't say nothing.

Gomer Pyle is related to General Pyle...

General Lucius Pyle?

Now, Sergeant, I don't know

what you're talking about.

All I can tell you is that Lucius...

I mean, Gomer's daddy... Gomer's daddy

told him not to expect any help from him...

That he was going to have to make it on his own.

His daddy?! You mean...?

I didn't say nothing.

Am I missing something here?

Is this some kind of test...

just to see how we'd do on the first day

with the clumsiest, goofiest recruit?

And to get the general's boy to play the part?

Look, Sergeant, I said too much already.

I better go. That's it, huh?

A test with the General's son

and the Colonel's in on the whole thing?

Because why would a Colonel come around on the first day

to look at a bunch of boots?

That's the big plan, isn't it, huh? Huh?

No comment. Just a minute, that's it, huh?

( stifled chuckle )

Yeah.

Keep it quiet, huh? Huh?

Don't say a word about this to anybody, right?

Lips are sealed.

( no audio )

( no audio )

Ten-hut!

Square up those shoulders, lad.

Chin up, boy.

Well, you'll learn after a while.

Shine those boots properly.

Let's get to work on these bunks.

Well, that's more like it.

That's the way a bunk

should be made up.

Good man, Sergeant.

Yes, sir!

What's your name, lad?

Private Gomer Pyle, sir.

Well, you're getting off to a good start, Pyle.

Sir, I want to be a marine!

COLONEL: Good, good.

Pyle, eh?

Yes, sir!

Well, if I didn't know better

I'd guess you were General Lucius Pyle's boy,

but I just happen to know the general has no children.

PYLE: Sure would like to meet him.

COLONEL: Well, maybe someday you will.

Yes, sir.

In the meantime, if you run into him

tell him Gomer Pyle says "Hey."

Carry on.

( laughing )

Really, Gomer?

And then the Colonel says,

"If I didn't know better,"

he says, "I'd think you was General Lucius Pyle's son."

He said that to me.

Aw, that's swell, Gomer.

And you was worried I might not make the grade.

Tell the truth. You was worried, right?

Well...

You just got to have more faith in me, Andy.

I guess.

Listen, I got to go, Gomer.

You be good and follow orders now.

Right.

MAN: Attention!

Gomer, they want you. I know.

Pyle, are you deaf? Fall in!

Be with you in a minute, Sarge. Will you write to me, Andy?

ANDY: Yeah. Go on, Gomer.

PYLE: Let me know who Wally gets

to take my place at the fillin' station.

And how the Apricot Festival turns out.

And let me know when Ida Carrington

gets her leg out of the cast,

and if Miss Hook found her Boston Bulldog,

and who's getting married, and who's ailing...

and who's expiring...