02x21 - Karate Games

[bunniefuu]

That police helicopter's
been flying pretty low.

That's because they know what I did.

What'd you do?

I took some extra packets
of hot sauce from Taco Town.

I an, two, sure. Three, maybe, but four?

What kind of sicko am I?

It's not you, Jerry.

A prisoner busted out of the
Seaford Correctional Facility.

They've been looking
for him all morning.

[Sighs]

That's a relief.

I'm gonna get some more hot sauce.

Guys guys guys.

You see that dude over there?
He's wearing orange pants.

You know what that means?

It means he's secure
in who he is as a man.

I mean, orange after Labor
Day? That's just bold.

No. He means that's the escaped
convict they're looking for.

I'm going to subtly let that
helicopter know he's over there.

Hey, helicopter man!

He's over there!

Don't you dare move, Mister.

Don't you move!

[Grunts]

Aah!

[Whimpering]

Okay. The show's over. Remain
calm, people. We got him.

You're lucky you didn't
have to deal with me.

Because then you would have
met Laverne and Shirley!

- Ah!
- Mommy!

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...

- ♪You...
- ♪You...

♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!

♪That's just how we do.

♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.

♪ Kickin' it with you.

Guys, we've been on the news all day.

They used surveillance footage
from the Mall Security Camera.

I kicked butt, and looked
good while doing it.

You know, Kim, in the
interview with the reporter,

you kind of made it sound like
you took the guy down by yourself.

[Scoffs] What makes you say that?

Because you said, and I quote,
"I took the guy down by myself".

You guys aren't the
only ones on the news.

Yeah, on Spanish TV, they
mentioned me, Eddie, and Milton.

They called us "Los tres
gusanos sin espinas".

Wow. What does that mean?

Three spineless worms.

There they are. Guys, look who's here.

I don't believe it, it's Dolph Gruber!

I've seen all your movies.
You're the best action star ever.

[Austrian accent] Aw, you're too kind.

I saw you on the news last night.

What you do is incredible.

Hello spineless worms.

What brings you to our dojo?

I want you two in my
movie is what I'm wanting.

I'm directing what will be the
greatest martial arts movie ever.

An epic battle for survival.

It's called "The Karate Games".

Do you lub it?

Yes, I lub it.

But Dolph, we're not actors.

That's why you're perfect.
Actors are fake. You are real.

You're fresh, you're
gutsy, you have great hair.

- [Chuckles] Thank you.
- I was talking to the boy.

Ha.

What do you say, Yak and Kam?

I could be a star!

Watch out Hollywood.
Here comes Yak and Kam.

We sh**t the first scene right here.

This is your underground bunker.

Oh, cool.

It's good.

Your characters are enemies.

But you're brought together by the
most powerful thing in the Universe.

A kiss.

Both: Oh.

Both: Oh.

Being seen on the news hiding behind
an old woman is so embarrassing.

Tell me about it.

On my way to school, all I heard
was "scaredy pants, scaredy pants".

I finally said to my father,
"stop the car. I'd rather walk".

Yo, what's this?

It's a gift from Mayor Batty.

"The city of Seaford thanks you
for your act of bravery and valor".

Oh, dude! That thing is
awesome! I've always wanted one.

What is it?

It's a Punchmaster Elite.
The newest karate trainer.

They don't even sell
these in stores yet.

Dude. With this thing we're gonna
become fearless fighting machines.

Man up and punch me!

Uh... I don't like that
man. Can you change him?

That was a biker.

There's Prison Guard, Drill Sergeant...

Ooh, this might be a good one for us.

English nanny.

Be a love.

Give mumzee a punch?

All right.

I got this.

[Grunts]

I said hit me!

Turn it back to biker. Back to biker!

[Whimpers]

And...

Action.

But I hate you.

You're from Zone .

You vaporized my father.

I had to vaporize him.

He was implanted with the evil
egg and smelled of elderberries.

Kim: So by k*lling him,
that means you saved...

Me?

No. I saved...

Us.

Uh, did someone say cut?

Yeah, I heard a cut.
Someone definitely said cut.

Perfect.

Bring in the stunt
lips for the close-up.

Right, and...

Lips and action!

Yeah, that's right, huh?
Good. Now I need more passion.

I need more passion! What, are
you kissing your grandmother?

Come on, put your back into it.

Dolph: Yes yes! Yeah! Genius!

Why are you wearing those
night vision goggles?

Phil's too cheap to replace
the light in his bathroom,

and I'm tired of losing
that guessing game.

With Jack and Kim out of town, shouldn't
you guys be hiding behind some old ladies?

[Laughing]

Listen, Frank. You don't want
to mess with us anymore, okay?

Yeah, we've been working
out in a whole new way.

Our dojo is now the proud
owner of a Punchmaster Elite.

You hear that guys?

Looks like we're gonna get
ourselves a Punchmaster Elite.

You are going to love it! It's not just
a teaching aid, it's a way of life...

Oh, you're taking ours, aren't you?

Have it ready for pickup at : .

[Laughing]

Hey, I was walking around the
lot and I got turned around.

All right, we're on.

[Game show music playing]

Hi everybody, I'm Wink Palmdale.

It's time to meet our
next contestant on...

Audience: Box That Head!

No no. I'm not a contestant.

Remember, you're playing for $ , .

Let's box this head!

In this scene, you climb the ladder out the
bunker and emerge in the Hollywood forest.

That's where the real action begins.

Uh, actually Dolph, if I may.

My character's the best hunter from
Zone , so I should probably go first.

- Yeah, okay. Do that.
- Uh, actually.

Since my character's the strongest fighter,
you should probably be following me.

- He makes a good point.
- I follow no man!

- But I'm Malakai, son of...
- Oh, you want to talk about greatness?!

[Arguing]

Will someone please get
up the gunterschlagladder?

All right, so what do we
do now? Where is everybody?

Yeah. Hey, Dolph?

What are we supposed to do now?

You never gave us a
script for this scene.

Dolph: Because there isn't one.

Everything from this
point forward is real.

See, you're not acting in this movie.

You are living in it.

What are you saying?

Dolph: I'm saying...

Man: Welcome to clown burger.
May I have your order, please?

Dolph: That wasn't me.

Whoever's on this channel,
could you please switch?

I'm trying to make a movie here!

What I'm saying, Yak and Kam...

Is I'll be filming your
fight to the very end.

Fighting? Against who?

Dolph: The fiercest warriors
who ever walked the Earth.

Let The Karate Games begin!

He's kidding, right?

No, I don't think he is.

[Grunting]

- Are you ready?
- Do I have a choice?

Dolph: You must fight to survive.

You don't have a choice.

[Yells]

[Grunting]

Kim? Kim?

Kim: Jack!

Kim?!

Kim: Jack!

Okay, the Dragons are
gonna be here in two hours.

- Remember the plan.
- Right. I'll get the suitcases.

I'll get the train tickets.
We can be in Arizona by sunset.

Guys, wait.

We can't do this anymore.

When Frank gets here, he
may rip off our eyebrows...

Yeah, and?

Oh, no. I'm just saying that's
probably what he's gonna do.

Jerry's right.

It's time to stand up for ourselves.

I can't go home without eyebrows.

I'm sorry, guys, but I'm out.

Dude...

Will I still be handsome
without eyebrows?

What do you need to hear, buddy?

Okay, Rudy.

One of these boxes will be placed
on your head for seconds.

Two of these boxes contain pleasant
things, and one, not so pleasant.

Survive four rounds of boxes, and
you're one question away from $ , .

Which box is it gonna be?

[Exhales]

Box two, because I really want "to" win.

[Chuckles]

Box one...

Nothing but rose petals.

Box three, it's just a
couple of cotton balls.

That would have been nice.

Box two...

Oh! angry snapping turtles.

Wait, what?

This is going "to" hurt.

[Chuckles]

Give it to me, people.

Audience: Box That Head!

- [Snapping]
- [Yelps]

It's got my nose!

It's got my nose!

Kim: Jack!

- Kim, are you okay?
- Yeah, but Jack, be careful.

I was hung here by
Brazilian tree fighters.

What's a Brazilian tree fighter?

[Screeching]

That's a Brazilian tree fighter.

[Yelling]

[Grunts]

Whoa!

I am really starting to hate this movie.

[Screeching]

[Grunting]

Jack, this is real.

I mean, we got lucky this
time, but what if next time...

Hey, hey. We're gonna be fine, okay?

Kim, I won't let anything happen to you.

Dolph: Oh, that's touching.

You kids are going to be
big stars, if you survive.

And the only way you'll
do that is if you make it

to the Hollywood sign
for my spectacular ending.

You're going to jail, you freak!

Dolph: I wouldn't worry about me.

I'd just start running to that sign.

And if you're looking for
motivation, here it comes.

[Dogs barking]

Get 'em, boys!

Man: There they are! After 'em!

The Black Dragons want to
come for the Punchmaster Elite?

Let 'em come!

- Jerry, switch on that zapper.
- Got you.

[Zapper buzzes]

Oh, hey. Come on in, Frank.

[Zapper buzzing]

[Grunts]

You're gonna pay for that.

Okay. There's only two
other ways into the dojo.

The vent, or the
window in Rudy's office.

[Vent clanging]

Time for operation air vent.

[Action music playing]

Aah!

- Oh!
- [Tearing]

Hey, Frank!

[Grunts]

Aah!

- Woo!
- Yes!

That's it. You guys are history.

You guys are just sick!

- [Zapper buzzing]
- Aah!

I just want to go home.

You came back!

Yeah. Whether we're worms or
warriors, we stick together.

And we protect our dojo.

I guess we're pretty brave after all.

I said hit me!

[Screaming]

[Zapper buzzing]

Audience: Box That Head!

Rudy, you've survived
snapping turtles...

Hot coals, and a venomous snake.

Now choose your final box.

Okay, uh...

I choose one.

Wait, no no no. Two!

Two! All the bad ones have been two.

They wouldn't do that again.

Two, Wink! I outsmarted you!

Ha!

Box one.

A couple of marshmallows. Hmm.

Box three...

[Gasps]

Warm towels fresh out of the dryer.

You know what that means?

I do know what that means.

Box two is...

Swarming with Panamanian hornets.

Ooh! They're the mean ones.

[Rudy's voice] Okay, if I just stay
very still, maybe I won't disturb them.

Seems to be working.

Just a few more seconds.

How you doing in there, Rudy?

[Screams]

[Buzzer]

And that's time!

Congratulations, Rudy.
You survived the boxes,

and now you're just one
question away from $ , .

And here it is.

In martial arts, which color
represents the lowest belt?

Mwuah!

Oh, no I'm sorry.

We were looking for "white" not "mwuah".

- Mwuah! Mwuah!
- Okay.

- Join us next week when we...
- It's mwuah!

Audience: Box That Head!

Mwuah!

Mwuah! Mwuah!

Mwuah!

Whoa. A little higher
up here than I thought.

Now what?

I don't know. He said we'd
survive if we made it to the sign.

All right, we're here,
you crazy nut burger!

Okay, it's over.

We dodged spears, escaped traps,
b*at tree fighters, and outran dogs...

And I'm pretty sure I used
Poison Ivy as toilet paper.

Dolph: Congratulations.

Ready for the big twist?

Only one of you can be
the star of this movie.

And that is the one who survives.

Survives what?

Each other!

Now fight!

What? That's not gonna happen.

- We're friends...
- [Grunts]

Kim, what are you doing?

Don't fight me!

Stop! [Grunting]

Kim, think about what you're doing!

I am. I'm thinking about being a star.

- So long, Jack.
- No!

[Helicopter approaching]

Bravo, Kim. Bravo.

You truly are a star.

I'm not just a star.
I'm also a great actress.

Let's not get crazy.

It's true.

I made you believe that
we were actually fighting.

- Wait, you mean...
- [Austrian accent] That's right.

Yak is back.

[Grunting]

[Grunting]

Whoa!

Wow. I guess his movie ended a little
bit differently than he thought it would.

Yeah.

Can you believe when we got here we were
worried about who was gonna be the star?

What do you mean "we"?

You're right. I'm sorry.

Look, Jack, I want you to
know I think you're amazing.

Dolph: Cut!

I cut my leg and it really hurts!

Um, you ready to get out of here?

Let's go home.

♪ Kickin' it with you!

- Hey, guys.
- All: Hey.

- How you doing? Give me some.
- What's up, man?

How was Hollywood?

Oh, the Director turned
out to be a maniac

and we sent him to jail
for the rest of his life.

Same old, same old.

Oh, dude! We're missing
my favorite show!

Oh.

[Game show music playing]

Both: Box That Head!

What's "Box That Head"?

Dude, this show is awesome.

Yeah, they get some idiot to believe that
two of the boxes are safe, but they're not.

All three of them are
full of painful things.

This show is a big practical joke?

Yeah, it's a riot.

Oh!

Where you going with with that Bo Staff?

To see a man named Wink.