Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Sorry, Sam.
I can't fix the jukebox here.
Got to take it back to
the shop and open her up.
I'll go get the guys.
Take it back to
the shop, my foot.
That's the biggest ploy
in the fix-it racket, Sammy.
You know they tell you that
just so they can jack up
the price on you. Trust me.
All this baby needs
is one swift, good...
(thuds, rattles, clanks, clangs)
Shop time.
(theme song begins)
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Well, what are we gonna
do without our jukebox?
The place won't be the same.
No jukebox? I feel naked.
Excuse me.
Why are you all mourning the
temporary loss of this jukebox?
I mean, you never play it.
No, no, no, Fras, the point is,
it's the perfect
height to lean on.
Take a look at what it does
to the line of my body there.
Perfect pick-up pose, man.
Hi.
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'm just demonstrating.
I'll talk to you later.
All right, Sam.
But you never play it.
Frasier, I never
play Vera either,
but I'd miss her if a couple
guys wheeled her out of here
on a refrigerator dolly.
Sam, I should have her back in
a week, good as new. A week?
How can we live without
our juke for a week?
Now, don't you have
a loaner or something?
I'm all out of jukeboxes.
How about a cigarette machine?
Naw, we'd never use that.
You never use the jukebox!
Hey, if you want, I could
loan you a karaoke machine.
What's a karaoke machine?
CLIFF: Walter.
May I?
You see, a karaoke
machine is a self-contained,
uh, musical gizmo
of Oriental origin,
much like yourself.
You know, it plays the, uh,
well, the background
accompaniment to popular songs
so that shower crooners
like myself can sing along.
Oh, Clavin, I didn't
know you did that.
I'm amazed.
That I sing?
No, that you shower.
By the way, your
singing stinks, too.
REBECCA: Hey, you guys.
Look what it says here on
my limerick-a-day calendar.
Ohh, let me guess.
"There was an old
maid named Becks
who went a long
time without sex."
Carla, why does your humor
always have to be at
someone else's expense?
That's what makes me laugh.
Well, for those of
you who do care,
Robin gets out of
prison on Monday.
Oh...
well, that's great, great.
But aren't you kind of
forgetting something important?
No, no, no. No, I remember,
I r... we won't have any money.
We'll have to start all over.
No, no, no, no,
the limerick, read the limerick.
I cannot believe you
guys are more interested
in some stupid rhyme
than in my happiness.
Well, it's certainly not
true in my case, Ms. Howe.
Well, thank you, Woody.
I'm interested in both equally.
Boy, she saw right through me.
I'm dying to hear that limerick.
Here we go, Sam...
The karaoke machine
and some song
catalogs to go along with it.
Oh, great.
Just what we need...
A loud, abrasive
noise-making machine.
Fras, come on, don't
pick on something
that can't defend itself.
Thank you, Norm.
Well, perhaps I passed
judgment too quickly here.
This may have some merit in it.
It's filled with old standards.
It's got, uh, "Someone
to Watch Over Me,"
"All of Me," "You
Made Me Love You."
(music plays)
♪ Lollipop, lollipop,
oh, lolli-lolli-lolli ♪
♪ Lollipop, lollipop, oh,
lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop ♪
(pops)
♪ Bah-dum-dum-dum ♪
♪ Lollipop, lollipop ♪
♪ Oh, lolli-lolli-lolli,
lollipop ♪
Normie, Normie, how does,
how does this song end?
I don't know. I
think it just kind of
keeps going till
one of us drops.
♪ Bah-dum-dum-dum ♪
♪ Lollipop, lollipop, oh,
lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop ♪
Oh, please!
♪ Lolli-lolli-lolli ♪
This is the silliest,
dopiest display
we've ever witnessed.
And if you want to make
a pop, you do it like this.
(pops)
I've got a delivery for
a Ms. Rebecca Howe?
I'm Rebecca Howe.
Here you go.
And here you go.
Oh, a shiny quarter.
Jeepers, this'll pay for
my sister's operation.
Look at this.
A single white rose.
I wonder what this means.
Well, if it means the same
thing it does in my family,
you'd better have Clavin
start your car tonight.
It's from Robin.
"Dear Rebecca, I'll
be free on Monday.
"If you're free as well,
would you care to join
me in holy matrimony?"
Oh, my God.
This is a proposal!
In three days, I'm gonna
be Mrs. Robin Colcord.
Yeah, that is a cause
for a special celebration.
Woody, I think I'll have a beer.
Well, congratulations, Ms. Howe.
I mean, gosh, you
know I may not be
the most inarticulate
guy in the world, but...
Wait, wait, wait,
don't you mean articulate?
Well, isn't it the same thing
like flammable and inflammable?
Boy, I learned that
one the hard way.
Honey, I think this is great.
There's something
you ought to know
before you get
married. What is that?
I have this strict policy
about going to bed
with married women.
So this weekend is
your absolute last chance
to have me again.
I don't think so, Sam.
All right. All right.
Stupid policy.
Uh, how about the
weekend after that?
No. Come on.
Lilith, I can't
believe you did this.
Nobody's ever thrown a
party like this for me before.
Turnabout is fair play.
You gave me my bridal
shower three years ago.
Oh, yeah, but Lilith, I
just threw that together.
I really didn't put any
thought into it at all.
That would explain the napkins
that said, "Mazel tov,
Si and Effie Kupperman."
I got a break on those
when Si Kupperman skipped
town with his secretary.
How lucky for me.
Boy, these Mylar balloons
are a public hazard.
What do you mean?
Well, Mylar is a
form of metal, Paul,
and if you release these things
they get caught up in
the high-tension wires;
they cause an arc,
sending a shower of
sparks all over the place,
and it... hey, it could
put out the lights
of a whole city block.
All right.
FRASIER: Gentlemen.
If I may, I would like
to propose a toast
to the woman of the hour,
the reason we're all gathered
here at this wonderful party.
To a very special
lady, who, I must say,
has a glow tonight like
I've never seen before.
Thank you, Frasier.
Oh, pipe down.
I've gotta finish
this toast to Lilith
or she'll k*ll me.
To Lilith.
I'd just like to say, it's a
really beautiful day.
And this is a really
nice party and...
if I'm ever lucky
enough to be married,
I hope it's to
someone just like you.
To Lilith.
This is more attention
than I got at my own shower.
Well I'd like to make a
toast to the bride-to-be.
Mmm? Yep.
Uh...
I'd just like to say
that, uh, you know,
when, when you and
Robin first got together,
none of us thought that a match
between a billionaire
tycoon and a, you...
you know, would work out.
But, uh, this is
just great, honey.
I, I wish the two of you, uh,
happiness forever and ever.
That's very sweet, Sam.
Hey. Hey.
And I want to make a toast, too.
To you, and all you guys
in the bar,
you really stood by
me, and I love you all.
To us. Oh, thank you.
She didn't mention my name.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I'd like to make another toast.
She's going to bail herself out.
To Robin. Robin.
Strike two.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait. One more.
I feel like I'm leaving
somebody out.
Here we go.
To me, and to my happiness.
Okay, Frasier. That's it.
Get your coat.
And of course to Lilith.
Oh, Rebecca, you didn't have to.
Frasier, put your coat down.
We're not going anywhere.
Okay, everybody, uh,
give me your attention.
A couple of the guys
have put together
a song for the
future Mrs. Colcord.
Hit it.
(high-pitched singing):
♪ Lollipop, lollipop ♪
♪ Oh, lolli-lolli-lolli ♪
♪ Lollipop, lollipop,
oh, lolli-lolli-lolli ♪
♪ Lollipop, lollipop ♪
♪ Oh, lolli-lolli... ♪
Excuse me.
Paul, shut that thing off.
My wife is throwing
a lovely shower here.
The least you can do
is show a little respect.
Aw, Fras, we're just
giving a gift of music here.
Some gift.
And singing with those stupid
voices an even stupider song.
What's, what is that song even
supposed to mean anyway?
Well, it's, uh,
it's about this girl and, uh...
Lollipop.
All right, if you must
sing, why don't you sing
something a little more
appropriate to the occasion?
Now, look, here's...
here's a lovely song:
"Isn't It Romantic?"
Yeah, it's kind
of slow, isn't it?
Yeah, you don't get to make
any funny noises in it either.
Yeah, really.
He calls that a classic.
Well, of course it's a classic.
It has a, a rare beauty.
It's a... Yeah.
A haunting imagery,
an enchanting melody. Oh, yeah.
Excuse me, and it goes, Paul,
something like this.
♪ ♪
♪ Isn't it romantic? ♪
♪ Music in the night ♪
♪ A dream that can be heard ♪
♪ Isn't it romantic ♪
♪ Moving shadows paint
the oldest magic word ♪
(Norm and Cliff singing high-pitched):
♪ I hear the breezes playing ♪
♪ In the trees above... ♪
You're right, Fras.
It is a lovely song
when sung properly.
Killjoy.
Boy, that's lovely, isn't it?
Yes.
This is great "champlagne."
Did you hear me? I
said "champlagne."
I meant to say "champlagne."
(laughing)
I said it again!
(snickering)
I think maybe you've had enough.
No, no, no, no, I
want to make a toast.
Please?
To "champlagne"!
(laughs)
No, no, no, I'm kidding.
To my sweet baby, Robin.
We may not have much,
but we have each other.
Then you don't have much.
Hit me again, Sam.
Oh, no, I think you've
definitely had enough.
Sam, I'm toasting!
You... no, you're
toasted plenty.
Sam, I'm not through toasting.
I want to toast love and... I
want to toast commitment!
And I want to make
a toast to my whole...
(sobbing): stupid, stupid life!
♪ Isn't it romantic ♪
♪ Merely to be young... ♪
Shut up and leave me alone!
Hey, would you
cut me some slack?
I've had no formal training!
(mellow swing music playing)
♪ Hey, there ♪
Who?
♪ You, with the
stars in your eyes ♪
(womanly voice):
Are you talking to me?
♪ Love never made
a fool of you... ♪
Frasier, it's been two days.
I think it's time you stopped.
In the middle of my
salute to Adler and Ross?
I think not.
♪ Hey, there ♪
♪ You on that high-flying... ♪
It's a dangerous combination:
a karaoke machine and
an obsessive personality
whose parents used to
play Broadway cast albums
to drown out their lovemaking.
Still can't get a
hold of Miss Howe?
No. It's been busy for hours.
Well, she is getting
married tomorrow.
She probably had a lot to do.
Maybe... find something to wear.
Yes. It's not like Si and Effie
Kupperman left her a wedding gown.
(chuckles wryly)
(imitates cat snarling)
She hasn't been here
for two whole days.
Do you... do you think I
ought to go see her, Lilith?
I'm going to tell you
what I tell all my patients:
"What do you think?"
They pay you for that?
What do you think?
Oh, I don't... I don't think
she wants to talk to me.
Wh-Why, why don't you go over
and see how she's doing, Carla.
Yeah, great, I'll do that!
And while I'm there,
you can take my kids
to go see Smurfs on Ice.
All right.
I'll go see her.
Woody, lock up for
me, would you, buddy?
All right. Everybody out!
Closing up!
SAM: Woody!
Not now. Closing time.
Could you be more specific, Sam?
I'm not a mind reader.
(knocking)
REBECCA: Hold your horsies.
(glass clattering)
Here I come.
(banging) Ow! Oh!
Oh, well.
You're not the pizza boy...
but you're cute.
SAM: Ooh!
How do you see anything in here?
REBECCA: Oh, let me
just open those drapes
and let in a little light, okay?
(exhaling)
Why don't I, uh, turn
on a lamp here, huh?
(switch clicks)
(switch clicks)
Come on, honey.
(switch clicks)
(switch clicks)
Click.
(switch clicks)
Boy, you're not going to get
your security deposit back here.
You drinking again?
Certainly not.
I never stopped.
There.
Now I stopped.
Now I'm drinking again.
So...
You want to talk?
Is this about getting
married tomorrow?
You gettin' cold feet?
Certainly not.
I am perfectly
prepared to marry Robin
and spend the rest
of my life with him.
I'm just not particularly
looking forward to it.
You know, I don't get that.
You know, all you've
done the last two years
is talk about getting
married to this guy.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you,
it is one thing...
to love somebody who's
serving time for you.
It's another thing
serving time with them.
Sam, I haven't even
begun, you know, to taste life.
I mean, I just discovered
this drinking thing.
Sweetheart... (chuckles)
I can understand the temptation.
I mean, after all, I'm
a recovering alcoholic.
I'm just not ready
for commitment yet.
Well, doubt's part
of any relationship.
I mean, look at
me: I-I was divorced.
You know, I drink
for a couple of days,
and you were an alcoholic.
I have a little bit of
trouble with a relationship,
and you were divorced.
Do you retain water in the
middle of the month, too, Sam?
Look, I'm just
trying to help you.
I mean, everybody gets cold feet
when they're about
to get married,
but it's a pretty weeny
reason to start drinking.
Why did you start drinking?
I lost my curveball.
I am not drinking
because I have cold feet.
I am drinking because I
don't know if I love Robin.
Oh, wow.
Do you think maybe you don't?
I don't know.
I just wish I had a little bit
more time, you know, to decide.
You don't think
there's any chance that
that, um, parole board
could keep him in prison
just a little while longer?
Listen, listen, listen.
If you don't love the guy, why
don't you just back out of this?
Oh, I'm supposed to tell
the richest man in the world
that I don't want to marry him?
No, he's not rich
anymore, remember?
That's right.
What's his number?
Come on. Come on. Stop that.
I'm being serious here.
I am being serious, too, Sam.
It's just that I can't
stop remembering.
I can't stop remembering
that one time...
in my life...
it was just so exciting.
Oh, boy.
I know where this is going.
Oh, God, I loved it, Sam.
Honey...
It was just so thrilling, and
it was magical, you know?
I know, I know.
And like every single
nerve in my body was alive,
and I was glowing.
God, it was like the
first time in my life
I was one with another being.
Once you have that,
you just don't forget.
I'll never forget the
night we made love.
I'm talking about when I was ten
and won first prize
in that horse show.
You know, but that sex
deal was good with you, too.
I mean, even having sex
with you is better than Robin.
Even that, huh?
So that's it... isn't it?
I don't want to marry Robin.
(sniffles)
Well, I guess I won't
be needing this anymore.
Right now...
I made my decision.
Robin is history.
There.
(sighs)
It feels good.
All right. Yeah.
Let's celebrate.
No, no, we don't
need to do that.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
There is a better
way to celebrate, Sam.
Drop your pants.
What?
You heard me, buddy.
I... want... you.
Oh, no.
Sweet... sweetheart,
we-we can't do this.
Oh, yes, we can, Sam.
The train is pulling
into the station.
No, no... All aboard.
Whoo, whoo.
I'm sorry, I-I won't do this.
Why?
Well, first of all,
you've been drinking
a little bit and...
you know, a gentleman has rules.
And second, you're kind
of repulsive right now.
You can't take it?
I'm gonna go home.
No, Sam, Sam, we have all night.
♪ We've got tonight ♪
♪ Who needs tomorrow? ♪
♪ Let's make it last, babe ♪
♪ Let's fi... nd ♪
♪ The way. ♪
Sam Malone...
I want you to get ready...
for the most exciting night
of your life.