01x18 - Smart & Smarterer

[bunniefuu]

Mom doesn't know
we got our report cards.

So, we sneak into moseby's
office, shred them,

and no one's
the wiser.

But I want mom
to see my report card.

How do you live
with yourself?

I don't.
I live with you,

and believe me,
it's no picnic.

Fine. Show her
your report card.

I'll just say it's
from the both of us.

It always works
on our birthday.

Mr. moseby.

Did you try my suggestion
to cure your cold?

Esteban, I'm not rubbing
chicken fat on my chest.

Not chicken fat.
A fat chicken.

[Wheezes]

I'm fine, Esteban.

Well, you should be
at home, Mr. moseby.

The tipton
is my home.

And my home
is under siege!

Oh!

Aah!

So sorry, madam. I
apologize profusely.

I will get to the
bottom of this.

Shall I say bottoms?

Does this, by any
chance, belong to you?

No. Don't know
who it belongs to.

It's a mystery.
Completely unsolvable.

"Zack Martin."

Unless you do that.

How many times must I
tell you this hotel lobby

is not your
personal playground?

Now, since you two
have arrived--

[coughs]
At my hotel,

you have been nothing
but-- [Coughs]

Nothing but--
[Coughs]

Nothing but...
[Loses voice]

A delight?

A bundle
of youthful energy

whose spirit
has breathed life

into this stodgy
old place?

And to say
thank you,

you want to reward us
with free sundaes?

Thanks,
Mr. moseby!

You're the best!

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a sweet life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so, come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so, come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so, come on down ♪

♪ this is the sweet life ♪

♪ we got a sweet life ♪

Just do me a favor.

Don't mention the report
cards for like...Ever.

Ok.

Hey, guys.
What's new?

Report cards!

Oops.
Slipped out.

Ah. Straight as again.

Wow, if your report card
were a song,

it'd sound like this,
[Sings] ♪ aaay ♪

Actually,

[sings]
♪ aaay-puh! ♪

One class
was pass-fail.

Look at these comments.

"A joy to teach,

"a pleasure to have
in my class.

What a little chiseler."

Wood shop.
Oh.

Zack?

Love to chat. Really tired.
Gotta hit the hay.

It's : .

If Cody has
a report card,

that means
you have one, too.

You'd think.

And I'm just as
surprised as you are.

Hand it over.

Ok.

But before
you read it,

you should know that
there's some good news

and some bad news.

The bad news
is that I got ds

in math, English,
and social studies.

What's the good news?

I'm outta bad news.

This isn't funny,
Zachary.

Oooh, Zachary!

I am very
disappointed in you.

Oooh, disappointed!

Oooh, shut up!

But I'm trying
as hard as I can.

Then why did all of
your teachers write,

"could try harder"?

I know you can do
better than this,

and if you don't, you're
going to spend this summer

in school with no video
games, no tv, and no food.

Fine. Vegetables.

And French fries
aren't a vegetable.

Maddie, what are
these do-hickeys?

Are they expensive, and
do I wanna buy them?

No. These are
chess pieces.

It's a game that's been
played for , years.

Well, then, someone
should've won already.

Hey, Mr. moseby.
How you doing?

Oooh!
I love charades!

Oh, oh, oh!

Uh, a novel!

A love letter!
A parking ticket!

Oh! I know!

Boots!

How did you get that
from parking ticket?

I went to buy boots,
and when I came out,

I had a parking ticket.
Duh.

All: Eye...

Need...

To...

Dance!

Oh!

Oh!

He is telling us
he has laryngitis.

No. Oh, that's not it.

Oh, yes it is,

and he wants to write
something down

because he
cannot speak.

Which wouldn't
have happened

if he tried my grandma
estebina's voice cure.

But would
he listen to me?

Nooooo.

Now this
articulate man,

with his mastery
of the English language,

is reduced
to relying on me

to convey his most
intricate thoughts.

"Shut up, Esteban."

Test? How could
there be a test?

Didn't we just
get our report cards?

Isn't there
some down-time

before we have to start
"learning" again?

Uh. Why do they keep shoving
knowledge down our throats?

It's school?

Yeah, and I don't
want to have to spend

my summer here
eating vegetables

and having you tell me
what was on tv last night.

There's gotta be
a way out.

Yeah. Study.

Look, if you're not gonna
take this seriously...

Ok, Bob.
Are you nervous?

Because there's nothing
to be nervous about.

I mean, you've been doing
great in my special ed class,

so being nervous
would just be silly.

I'm not nervous,
Mr. forgess.

Oh, good, good.
'Cause I'm sweating

like a Turkey
on Thanksgiving.

Oh, yeah. You're leaving
a puddle on my desk.

Oh! Sorry.

Well, I'm just happy to try
a regular class again.

Are you sure
you're ready?

Not that I don't have confidence
in you, but it's more important

that you have confidence in you.
Do you have confidence in you?

Is the word "confidence"
starting to sound weird to you?

A little.

Yeah, and I think you should
cut down on the caffeine.

Ok, well, I'll tell
the teacher to make sure

you have extra time
on your test,

and, uh...Oh!

And I'll tell her just
how confident you are.

Bob is it?

I couldn't help
overhearing

that you get extra time
on your test.

Do you mind my asking
how you swung that?

I have dyslexia.

Can you catch it?

When you're dyslexic,

you have problems with the way
your brain hears and sees things.

Like, you know,
letters and numbers?

They get mixed up
in my head.

Oh, bummer, dude,

but still, no time
limit on your tests.

So, it kinda balances
out, doesn't it?

You're a "glass half-full"
kind of a guy, aren't ya?

So, it's called
"dyslexia."

Wow, I never realized that other
people had trouble reading

the questions and getting their
thoughts straight just like me.

Uh, excuse me, I couldn't
help overhearing.

Did you say you have
problems reading?

I don't like
to talk about it.

It makes me
feel bad about myself.

You know, unconfident.

Oh.

That's perfectly
natural,

but you're not feeling
bad about yourself

because we should all feel
good about ourselves.

Not all the time. You want a nice mix.
Although--

does he always
go on like this?

Yeah,
pretty much.

I'll tell you what,
why don't you come by

my office after school,

and we'll see
what's going on.

Thanks,
Mr. forgess.

For the first time in my life,
I feel like there's hope.

Have you no shame?

You're right.
I feel terrible.

Really?

No.

Look! Now my Mr.
pointy-head is staring

right at your
kingy-thingy.

That's checkmate!

Is that good?

No. Not for me.

It means you b*at me.

You can't b*at me.

Why not?

I refuse to be
beaten by someone

who calls the bishop
"Mr. pointy-head"!

Which one's
the bishop?

Mr. pointy-head!

See,
it's catching on!

No, it isn't.

Chess is an intellectual
game, and you're...Not.

Well, maybe I'm a little more
intellectualer than you thunk.

Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

[Rings bell]

Oh, dear. That is your
angry bell face.

Do you want me to yell
at another staff member?

Who is it?

I shall be ruthless.

"You are late again,
Esteban."

I am so sorry,
Mr. moseby, but--

you're right.

[Imitates moseby]
Oh, no excuses, Esteban.

This has happened
too many times.

I'm afraid I have no
choice but to fire you.

Oh, please, Mr. moseby,
don't fire me!

I need this job.

[Imitates moseby]
Oh, very well.

You can have
your job back.

Maybe I don't
want it back.

Maybe I want
to go somewhere else

with a little
more job security.

[Imitates moseby]
Oh, but dut, dut, dut!

No, Esteban.
Don't leave.

I need you.
Oh, all right.

You can have a raise.

I accept.

You're a great man.

[Imitates moseby]
Oh, pish-posh!

You really want to yell
at me right now, don't you?

Oh, here. Hit me once
for yes, twice for no.

Excuse me...

Aah!

Oh, you again.

Mr. forgess: Ms. Martin,
uh-- after consulting

with the school
psychologist

and looking at the results
of all Zack's tests,

well, we've concluded that he
probably has a learning disability.

He has a learning
disability?

Oh, thank goodness!

I mean--

oh, no. That's ok.
I get that a lot.

So, dyslexic I am?

Well, it like looks it.
Uh--looks like it.

Which is probably why he hasn't
been doing his schoolwork.

He must be
very frustrated.

Exactly!

You read my mind.

Even though
it's all jumbled.

Zack, I am so sorry for yelling
at you about your grades.

Oh, honey, what kind
of horrible mother am I?

One that's
smothering her son.

It's quite natural
to feel guilty.

But--it's not good
to feel too guilty.

But a little guilty
is normal.

I mean, you shouldn't
feel guilty

about not
feeling guilty.

Is the word "guilty" starting
to sound weird to you?

Both: A little.

Gee, I wonder who
your favorite twin is?

That's ok, mom.
I'm already dyslexic.

I don't want
love handles, too.

I just feel so bad for
being so hard on you.

It's ok. You've been
apologizing to me all day.

Yeah,
sorry about that.

I'm gonna go get you
some more whip cream.

I love you.

You, too!

I can't believe
you're fooling everyone

with this
whole dyslexic scam.

It won't work,
ya know?

A: I don't know what
you're talking about,

and b: Oh, yes it will!

How did you
pull this off?

Simple. I got some of the
dyslexia info I needed from Bob

and did the rest of the
research at the library.

I thought you hit
rock bottom

when you got
Chelsea swartzman

to give you
her pudding

by telling her
it was made by elves

who were chained
to giant vats.

But to pretend to have
a learning disability

so mom won't
punish you?

How do you look at
yourself in the mirror?

You're right.
I feel lousy.

You do?

No.

So there I was
at the store,

and I just had to have
this diamond bracelet.

But I left my credit
cards in my other purse.

Take that!

So, I had to write a-- check!

Rats!

Didn't see
that coming, did ya?

Are you feelin'
the heat, girl?

Oh, yeah, it's gettin'
hot, isn't it?

Ok, I'll meet you
in one more move.

Checkmate.

I want a rematch!

How many more times we
have to play this game?

Until I win.

By then, the dinosaurs
will be extinct.

Ok, Mr. moseby.

I've gotten everything

for grandma estebina's
voice cure.

Now tonight, before you
put on your jammies,

rub this fat chicken
on your chest.

And now, the muffler of health.

Sit.

The gloves
of health.

Oh, you're gonna love
this one, Mr. moseby.

The fuzzy slippers
of health.

The hat of revenge?
How'd that get in there?

Ok, Mr. moseby.

Stand up on one foot
and jump up and down.

Just kidding. That
makes you look silly.

And finally,
Mr. moseby,

the drink
of health.

Now, it's made
from Wolverine stomach

with a hint
of badger spleen.

Drink it all up
or no dessert of health.

Ah? Ah!

I guess I should've
given him

the pillow of health first.

Don't you have
any homework?

Sure, but Mr. forgess says to
only do as much as we can.

You haven't even tried.

Ok.

I'm stumped.

I can't believe you're still
getting away with this.

Don't you feel bad?

Actually, I do.

Really?

No.

Zack, I'm not gonna say
I'm sorry anymore,

but I got a present
for ya.

Oh, sweet!

Spontaneous combustion !

That's my favorite
combustion of all.

This version has the flames of
argon and the scepter of sirus!

Wow, and I thought you
dyslexics had trouble reading.

They do, Cody.

All I'm saying is

he flew through the flames of
argon pretty quickly there.

Yes, he did, didn't he?

Uh...That's because

I'm been looking at the
video game box for weeks.

It was really hard
to read at first,

but then
I memorized it.

Mr. forgess said
us dyslexics

have good memories.

And yet you haven't
remembered my birthday ever

and we're twins!

Mom, Cody's
making me feel bad.

Cody, stop picking on Zack.

Boy, that sounded odd.

Esteban.

I know that voice.

My grandma estebina's
cure has worked!

Surprisingly, yes.

That badger spleen
did the trick.

Oh, joy.

It's quite a relief

to feel
my old self again.

Ah, Mrs. cleaver.
Good to see you.

Well, that's odd.

Ah, Mr. Cunningham.

All the arrangements
have been made

for Richie's
graduation party--

do I by any chance...Smell?

Oh, yes. Like
a dead horse in August.

And you seem happy
about this because?

Because it means
the cure is working.

Ay yi yi.

How long must I suffer
this awful odor?

A week,
give or take a month.

Your results may vary. You may
want to consult a doctor.

Here. Try these.

It may mask the smell.

Checkmate!

I win!

All hail maddie,
queen of chess.

Great job.
Congratulations. See ya.

Wait a minute.

You let me win!

No, I didn't.

Prove it.
Play me again.

Why is it so important
for you to b*at me?

Because if I'm not
the smart one, then who am I?

That's easy--
you're maddie,

the smart one
who stinks at chess.

Thank you.

You're still good
at reading and numbers

and all that
useless stuff.

I mean, why can't
you just accept

that there are
different kinds of smarts?

You're right.

And clearly, I'm not
as smart as you...

In this one particular
trivial game.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So how about
a game of checkers?

No!

Chinese checkers!

[Speaking chinese]
That's no in Chinese.

Well, how about
a quick game of...

Guess what color
I'm thinking?

Blue!

Darn!

Check it out, Bob.

An "a."

I can't wait
for our next test.

Zack, did you
really say that?

Yes, Zack, I did.

Should I be
afraid of you?

Mom, what are you
doing here?

Mr. forgess invited me in
to observe,

and I hear they're serving
Shepherd's pie in the cafeteria.

You know how much I loves me
a good Shepherd's pie.

Zack, your mother called me,
and we've been discussing

your amazingly quick
progress in this class.

So why don't you
start things out

by reading something
for us all.

Well, I'm painfully shy,
but--

come on.
Give it a whack.

"One supo zonder blenasher?"

And this guy got an "a?"

This makes no sense.

Oh, I'm sorry. Here.

I meant
to give you this.

"Once upon a time, when
the father of our country

was a little boy--"

oh, this makes
a lot more sense.

Yeah, and you
seemed to read it

without any problems.

As opposed to, say, someone
who actually has dyslexia.

I'm cured!

You, sir, are a genius.

I'm going to tell
all my dyslexic friends.

Zack, is there something
you want to tell me?

Ok.

I thought if I pretended
to have dyslexia

I wouldn't have to work
hard to get good grades.

I mean, you guys
have it so easy.

Right?

Yeah. The jumbled
letters,

the ridicule,

the inability to
sink a free throw.

The dyslexia doesn't affect
your basketball ability.

Yeah, I know, but
I was on a roll.

Zack, I can't believe
you did this.

It's just that you're
always talking about

how great Cody is
in school.

Zack, I'm not going to
belittle Cody's achievements

to make you
feel better.

You know, Zack, you're
actually a very bright kid.

You're just lazy.

Is there a class
for that, too?

I'm hoping
it's not before noon.

Don't worry, Zack.

The school will help you
catch up with your work.

Oh, by providing me
with extra time

for my assignments?

Yep. You'll have
lots of extra time.

June, July, and August.

Peak season for vegetables.

But--

ok. I'm sorry, mom.

And Mr. forgess.

And class.

And Bob.

Told you this would
blow up in your face.

Now you have to do
all the work by yourself.

No one to help you.

Just you and you alone.

Ok, if you're so smart,

what's the capital
of north Dakota?

That's easy. Bismarck.

I thought Bismarck was the
capital of South Dakota.

No, that's Pierre.

Then what's the capital
of Wyoming?

Cheyenne.

Thanks. You just
finished my homework.

Like sh**ting fish
in a barrel.