01x21 - Christmas at the Tipton

[bunniefuu]

[Deck the halls playing]

This is all
so beautiful.

I just love watching

the white, Fluffy things
fall from the sky.

It's called snow,
Esteban.

Oh, well, it's like the
heavens have dandruff.

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention?

Not only are we lighting
the tipton Tannenbaum,

this year, we're lighting

the whole outside
of the hotel.

Right, arwin?

Ready when are, cap'n.

[Band plays
o Tannenbaum]

During this special time
of year, it--

is this gonna be
a long speech?

I have shopping to do.

[Plays faster]

[Quickly] I hope the
spirit of Christmas

in each and every
one of us

burns as brightly
as the lights on our tree.

Short enough?

Perfect!

[Music stops]

Ohh... ohh.. Ohh... ohh...

Ahh.. Ahh... ahh... ahh...

Wow! You must have used
a million bulbs!

Buy , ,

get one free.

Hey, here's a bulb
that's not working.

No! Cody, no!

That's the one
that puts us into...

Arwin: Overload.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Mom, I know you're
looking for fun in the sun,

but don't you want to come
snowboarding with us and dad?

Hmm, no.

Come on, it's Christmas,

and I was kinda hoping
we could all be together

like a family?

Oh, sweetie,
we are a family...

On vacations.

You get to spend some quality
time with your father

while I get to spend some quality
time with me and a book.

What are you talking about?

You're going to club
desperate in the Caribbean.

That's not true!

It's in Mexico...

And it's
club desperado.

I wonder what's
taking dad so long.

Poor guy's probably trudging
through feet of snow.

[Knock on door]

Well, that's
probably him.

Dad!
Yo, dad!

Snowball fight!

Ow!

Uh, merry Christmas,
Carey.

Ho, ho, ho.

Come here, guys!

Dad!
Dad!

Happy new year!

I'm sorry, but all of
our rooms are taken,

although, we do have
restaurants

and each one of them
has stars.

That's stars
if you eat at all !

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Mr. moseby, have you
picked a name

for the employee
secret Santa yet?

No, I haven't.

Ooh, but I hope
I get me

like I did
last year.

Ha ha, yes.

I gave myself this
lovely wristwatch.

I said to myself, "ohh,
you shouldn't have!"

And then I said
to myself,

"come on! You
deserve it!"

And I had to
agree with myself.

Well, here's hoping
you get you again.

Ah, fizzle sticks!

I had my eye set on this
beautiful cashmere sweater

I was gonna
get myself.

I wish my family
gave me presents

like you give yourself.

Do you know what
they gave me last Christmas?

A flashlight,

and for my birthday,

batteries...

For my flashlight!

You know, if you get London
as your secret Santa,

you are sure to get an extravagant gift.
Good luck.

Luck's got nothing
to do with it.

London, have you picked
your secret Santa yet?

Ooh! No, I haven't!
More shopping. Yay, me!

Ok.

Who'd you pick?

Can't say.

It's a secret.

Oh, by the way, do you know
what your birthstone is?

A diamond.

Or an Italian
sports car.

Gotcha!

Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi,
yi, yi, yi, yi, yi!

Ohh!

Feeling chilly?

The snow is so deep,

my hands are frozen
to the bags.

Put them under
your armpits for warmth.

Ok, but it tickles.

Hee hee hee hee hee!

London.

London? Where
are you going?

You're supposed to be
going that way,

shopping for your
secret Santa.

The snow is feet deep
outside.

Yes, but it's only
blocks from here

to your favorite
jewelry store,

and you could
always send someone.

[Gasps]
You're right!

I have that power!

Esteban!
Aah!

I need you to run
an errand for me.

Oh, no, do not
make me go out

into the white
blanket of death,

the snow
of no return.

Ohh! The blizzard that
will freeze your gizzard.

Oh, toughen up.
It's not that bad!

But I am not dressed
for a blizzard!

Oh, come back here,
you coward!

Stop thinking
of yourself!

London wants to buy a gift
for someone deserving,

and I mean deserving!

Esteban: Ay!

You know, if you're looking to
impress someone with a gift,

try making something.

My grandmother made me
this embroidered handkerchief.

It's the best gift
I've ever gotten.

Ooh, that looks like
a lot of work

for something you
blow your nose into.

You know,
a lot of celebrities

have taken up handicrafts
for relaxation.

Ooh! Once my chauffer

parked in a handicraft space
by mistake.

He got in big trouble.

Well, think about it.

Aah!
Aah!

For God's sake!
Aah! Aah!

Hi.

Uh, we're running
low on heating oil

and none of the delivery
trucks can get through.

Well, how long
can we hold out?

Well, according
to my calculations...

[Generators power down]

Now.

Arwin--
aah! Aah! Hi.

The tipton still has its
original furnace, right?

Old Betsy? Sure.
tons of cast iron.

Then we don't need
oil for her.

That furnace'll
burn anything!

I know. She's just
sittin' down there going,

"feed me, arwin!"

Well, then get on it!

Fire up old Betsy?
Yeah!

Oh, aye, aye, cap'n.

Whoo!

Kindling! Ha ha ha!

That was lucky.

Oh, hey, Esteban,

and chance of us
gettin' a taxi?

I am so sorry.
Not in this weather.

The only way
you can get around

is with a sleigh
and tiny reindeer.

Esteban, the hotel limo
is sitting right outside.

See if the driver
can make it to the airport--

free of charge,
of course.

You'd really do that
for us, Mr. moseby?

Of course.

I just want you boys

to have the best
Christmas ever,

even if it means
being far, far,

far away
from my hotel.

Ok...Wish me luck.

Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.

[Wind howls]

I hate the snow.

It's not my fault
we're snowed in,

and if the hotel
had an extra room,

I would
have rented it.

Well, I hope you're
comfortable on the floor.

Sure. It'll be just like
when we were married.

Kurt, it's Christmas.

I don't want to spend it
bickering with you.

Same here.

And for the boys' sake,
can we try to get along?

Works for me.

Did you see that?

Mom and dad
still like each other.

What are
you talking about?

It was just
a friendly hug.

Yeah, but I've
seen this in movies.

Friendly hugs turn
into very friendly hugs,

which turn into
passionate hugs.

Cody, take it from
your older and wiser brother.

This whole mom and dad
getting back together thing,

it would take a miracle.

Well, it is
Christmas,

and Christmas was
meant for miracles.

Do you remember
that Christmas

when I accidentally spent
more money on your gift

than you did on mine?

That was as close
to a miracle

as you're ever
going to get.

Well, this is one miracle
that's going to happen,

even if I have to make
it happen myself.

Blanket, blanket.

Ah-choo!
Bless you. Tissue.

Ohh... easy, Mary.
Watch your step.

We were on our way home, but
the busses stopped running.

We need a room.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We don't have
any rooms available,

but you're more
than welcome

to stay in the lobby for
as long as you need.

Ohh!
Aah! Aah! Aah!

Arwin!
Hi.

What is going on?

I can feel the temperature
dropping again.

Ran out of stuff
to burn, chief.

Newspapers or magazines,
paper plates?

Whoosh!

Don't we have
a storeroom

full of old furniture?

Sure, it's packed
in there. It...

You mean...
You mean...

Rip it up
with a chainsaw

and throw it
in the fire?!

Yes.
Ohh!

You are
a beautiful man!

This is the best
Christmas ever!

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ let's burn
some chairs... ♪

[Joy to the world plays]

...Then you hold
the note for bars.

What do you do while
you're holding the note?

Smile at the crowd
and look cool. Yeah...

Is this how you get babes?

That's how he got me.

Tell us more about
that magic moment,

where your eyes
first met.

Well, my eyes were trying
to meet the drummer's,

but your father
kept gettin' in the way.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Oh! A picture
of familial bliss

on Christmas Eve.

Oh! Oh...

Well, if only our guests
could savor a moment

so warm, say, with song.

Your replacement
called and said

it's impossible for her to get
here through this blizzard.

I'm in Mexico.

Hasta la bye-bye.

Oh, come on, mom,
do it,

and dad could play
backup for you

just like old times.
Huh? Huh?

Huh?

I'd be up for it--

uh, if your mom's
done tanning.

Ohh, ok,

but I've gotta be back
in time for my scuba lesson.

Somebody go put some
goldfish in the bathtub.

Now, there's
the Christmas spirit!

♪ Out of my way ♪

♪ 'tis the season... ♪

Better go change.

Yeah, and I better go learn
some of your lame songs.

Same songs.

This is great.

Think they'll ask us
to be best men

at their
second wedding?

Would you stop?

Dad's going to
play the piano,

mom's going to sing.
That's it.

But I've
seen this on tv.

A couple gets together
at Christmas.

He plays the piano,
she sings,

and they rekindle
their flame of love.

You watch
way too much tv.

Merry Christmas, maddie.

I'm your secret Santa.

Oh, what a surprise!

A blanket?

No, silly.
It's a sweater.

With arms
and no neck hole?

I forgot
to put one in,

but look on
the bright side.

It'll keep
your face warm.

But I wanted a car.

To keep...
All of me warm.

I made it
with my own hands.

It looks like you made
it with your own feet.

[Gasps] I thought you'd be happy

that I put so much
effort into it.

You're always accusing
me of being superficial.

And you had to pick
Christmas to become deep?

At least
I got you something.

Oh, but--

la la la la!

♪ 'Round yon virgin ♪

♪ mother and child ♪

♪ holy infant ♪

♪ so tender and mild ♪

♪ sleep in heavenly peace ♪

♪ sleep in heavenly peace ♪

Kurt and I wanna
thank you all

for being
here tonight.

Not that you had
much of a choice.

Did you hear that?

"Kurt and I."

We also wanna
wish you a Christmas

that's filled with
peace, joy, and love.

Now she's
talking about love!

You're pathetic.

I'm telling ya,
mom and dad are gonna

get back together tonight.

Yeah, sure.

Unless he gets a
date with that girl.

She reminds me
of your aunt Gladys.

Dad, looking at girls
is not going to help you

get back together
with mom.

Whoa, where'd you
get an idea like that?

When you guys were hugging
and singing and laughing.

Yeah, um...

That just means
we're getting along,

not getting back together.

But it's Christmas,

and I wanted us
to be a family.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Ah, forget it.

About that blonde,

good choice.
Bad timing.

I'm sure you'll
be more comfortable

and have more privacy
in our courtesy lounge.

Thank you.

♪ Saw the arms and
floors and desktops ♪

♪ fa, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

Arwin!

What?!
Not the front desk!

It's so big and wooden!

No!

Oh, the bags.

Hurry back.

Cody.

Leave me alone.

Look...

Oh, darn.

Ay! Ay-ay-ay!

I don't feel so well!

You probably
ate too much.

She's pregnant,
doofus.

Maybe the baby
ate too much.

[Alarm rings]

Uh-oh, I think
the elevator's stuck.

Uh-oh!
I think my water broke!

I'm sure
arwin can fix it.

No, she means
the baby is coming.

How do you know
all this stuff?

Because, unlike you,

I stayed awake
in health class.

Ok, we're gonna
need boiling water,

towels, twine,
and scissors.

Let me check
the elevator gift shop.

Oh, look,
there isn't one!

Aah!

Ok, then I know
what we should do.

What?
This.

Help! Help!

So that's what
I missed in health class?

Both: Help!

What could possibly
give Cody the idea

we were getting
back together?

The hugging, the
singing, the laughing.

You know, if you
hadn't come up

with that dumb idea
about us not bickering,

our boy would
be happy now.

[Boys shouting
and pounding on the door]

Do you hear little voices
and thumping from above?

It's Santa!
It's Santa!

Quick! Everybody pretend
like you're sleeping!

It sounds like
Zack and Cody.

Oh, I know,
I was just, uh,

pretending, you
know, for the kids.

The elevator's stuck!

The blizzard probably
froze the circuit breakers.

I'll fix 'em.

Ooh, I wanna help.

Thank you.
It's outside on the roof.

Good luck.

How's Mary doing?

Can she hold on?

Cody: I'll ask her!

Mary: Aah!

That would be a "no."

Ok, just
breathe.

In and out.
In and out.

How's this?

Not you! Her!

Ok, short breaths.
Like this.

[Takes short breaths]

Oh!

Oh, please,

one of you on
the floor's enough.

What should
I do now?

Catch the baby
when it comes out.

So not happening.

Who is in the elevator
helping my wife give birth?

-year-old boys.

But they're very bright
for their age.

And one of them watches
a lot of medical shows.

Excellent!
Arwin fixed it.

Man, I'm never
having kids.

What should we do?
Call an ambulance.

Oh, but the roads
are still blocked.

Well, Carey,
you must know what to do.

You've had a baby.

.
Even better.

I'm sorry, but I was
a little too busy screaming

to take notes.

All right, all fixed.
Everyone's happy.

Mary: Aah!

Ok, not quite everyone.

Let's go.

Ok, I'm gonna need
towels and volunteers.

Kurt, Carey,
thanks for volunteering.

Isn't this weird?

Mary and Joseph
traveling together...

On Christmas Eve.

But there was no room
for them at the inn.

And a child is born.

What a coincidence.

I don't get it.

Kurt: Push again.

That's it, push.

Easy, that's
my guitar hand.

Does somebody have
some sort of blanket?

Here.

[Baby crying]

[Band plays glory
to the newborn king]

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I introduce to you
our newest little guest.

I haven't seen anything
this beautiful

since Zack and Cody
were born.

It was the best part of
our marriage, wasn't it?

It made it
all worthwhile.

Don't hug.

Cody'll think
you're getting back together.

No, I won't.

Cody, honey?

Honey.

I know you were hoping
your dad and I

would get back together,

but even if we're not
getting remarried,

we're...

Still a family.

Not like them.

Yes, like them.

That baby has
parents that love her,

just like you guys.

I guess.

I know.

[Sobs]

I think this
belongs to you.

Every time
I throw it away,

it keeps coming back.

I guess the third arm
acts like a boomerang.

Hey, London, what is this
stitch under the third arm?

It's your name.

M-a-t-e-e.
Maddie.

Oh.

To think I've been spelling
it wrong all these years.

Boy, this must've
taken a lot of work.

Sure did,
not that you care.

Well, I should have.

And I'm sorry I didn't
appreciate it earlier.

So you really like it?

Yes.

As much as
a car or diamond?

Don't push it.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Friends, guests,
I'd just like to say--

[makes siren noise]

[Siren noise
quiets down]

It may not have been
the holiday we expected,

but we're all here
helping each other,

and celebrating
the miracle of life.

I can't think of a better
place to be on Christmas

than the tipton hotel.

Mr. moseby.
Oh, Mr. moseby.

The road's open,
and so is the airport.

Slow down!

Whoa!

Quick, Mr. moseby!
Get in the ambulance!

There's tiny little paramedics
who'll take care of you!

Clear!
Pfft! Pfft!