01x25 - Commercial Breaks

[bunniefuu]

[People chatting]

Ladies and gentlemen, quiet, please.
Quiet, please.

Please, please, please.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I need your attention.

All eyes on me.
I need quiet.

Now--
[Rattling]

[Crashing and banging]

Now, I've called you
all here because--

[rattling]

[Crash
and rattling]

[Contents rattling]

[Contents rattling]

I hope there will be
no more disturbances.

Mom, Zack stole
my allowance.

I did not steal.

I told you
I was gonna take it.

Did not!
Did too!

Did not!
Guys! Guys!

[Contents rattling]

Now, I have some disturbing
news that concerns all of you.

If it's about the person who
accidentally sat on a box of candy...

And then ate it,

she's really,
really sorry.

Um, if this
isn't about me,

could we make it
about me?

'Cause otherwise,
me is going.

No, what's it about is Mr.
tipton has chosen this hotel

as the backdrop
for his new commercial.

Woman: OOH!

I know it's terribly
inconvenient.

And to make matters worse,

all employees will be asked
to prepare an audition.

Now, I realize it's the last
thing we all want to do,

but we must make--
oh, my word! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ohhh!

Uh...I think they
took that rather well.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have
the suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me,
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got the suite life ♪

This is great!

This is our chance
to get on tv!

Yeah. I always thought
you'd be on tv.

I just assumed
you'd be in handcuffs.

You mean as a magician?

Yeah. That's it.

Oh, man!

This line must stretch
all the way to the ballroom.

With all these people, we're
never gonna get picked.

WELL, YOU WON'T,
BUT WHEN I BECOME A STAR,

you can be
one of my peeps.

Not the main peep.
Maybe a backup peep.

But--
not a peep out of you.

Zack, remember, rejection is
a big part of show business.

You have to persevere,

which includes
standing in line

with a million
other people

who share the same dream.

You're right, mom.

So hold our place in line

and call us once
you get to the front.

YEAH, NOW
YOU'RE DREAMING!

You're gonna
wait right here.

Actually, you're gonna
wait back there.

All: OH, MAN!

[HUMMING Russian DANCE:
TREPAK FROM NUTCRACKER SUITE]

A cappella!

[Humming]

[Plates crash]

Ta-da.

Congratulations.

I've seen a lot
of lousy acts today,

but yours is the first to make
me actually fear for my life.

Well, that was nothin'.

You're right.

Wait until you see me...

Juggle! Ha ha!

♪ Dun, dun...Dun! ♪

All right.

♪ Yippie kii-ay ♪

♪ I'm a happy cowboy
today ♪

Yaahh!

It worked!

BUT YOU NEVER WILL.
NOW, VAMOOSE.

Fine. Then I'd like
my rope back.

Yaaahhh!

♪

Take it away, dundee.

[Cluck cluck]

[Snorting and puffing]

[Cluck cluck cluck cluck]

Isn't he amazing?

That's you...Making
that tippy-tappy sound.

Aren't I amazing?

Next!

♪

I can't believe it!

I know that director. I
once had a date with him!

Remember to mention
we're your kids.

He hates me.

And your name was?

So the date
didn't go well?

Let's put it this way:

I crawled out
of the bathroom window

before the salad arrived.
I can't go out there!

I CAN.
HE DOESN'T HATE ME.

Wait until
he sees your act.

Next!

[Sighs]

Who and what
are you?

I am the great kodinski.

And I'm goin' to perform
my salute to spring.

It's an interpretive
dance.

[Recording of birds chirping
and brook babbling plays]

[Birds chirping]

[Water running; Thunder]

[Thunder]

[Dove coos; Splat]

[Rain and wind]

[Soft music with b*at comes in]

[Strong wind]

[Birds twittering]

[Music winds up to a finish]

HERE'S MY SALUTE
TO SPRING.

Next!

You, sir...Are
no friend of the dance.

This is encouraging.
At least she's got

some professional
experience.

No plates
or poultry.

Demina, cross
my fingers for me.

♪

♪ I saw your face ♪

♪ now I'm on the verge
of romance ♪

♪ and I've been lookin' for
a while, let me tell you ♪

♪ it's gone from my head
to my feet ♪

♪ now I'm startin'
to dance ♪

♪ I can feel it, can you feel it?
You're the man-- ♪

Stop!

I'd know those legs
anywhere.

Last time
I saw them,

they were on their way
to the ladies' room.

So you remember me.

Let's put it this way:
Next!

Hey!
I kicked you out.

Don't think just 'cause
you changed your clothes

I won't
recognize you.

No, you kicked
my brother out.

And I don't blame you.
He's a speed bump

on the road
of entertainment.

Nice try!

No, no! Really!
We're twins.

Please. Do you think
I was born yesterday?

NOT WITH THOSE WRINKLES.

♪ Dun dun-dun-dun-dun
dun dun ♪

Next!

[Music starts]
Next!

I hate spotlights.

So do I.

Now, and uh- --
wait a minute.

I worked really hard
on this.

And uh- and ...

You had your chance,
sister.

Now make way
for a real singer.

, , , --
hold it!

I am going
to sing,

you're going to like
it, and you are going

to get out of here!

And now enjoy the song stylings
of maddie Fitzpatrick.

♪ In my dreams I can see
you, shoo bop bop ♪

♪ your eyes are like the
stars and shine so bright ♪

♪ when I wake
in the mornin'-- ♪

♪ shoo bop bop ♪

♪ everything seems
to feel so right ♪

♪ shoo bop ♪
♪ shoo bop ♪

♪ shoo bop ♪
♪ shoo bop ♪

♪ shoo bop ♪

♪ shoo bop ♪
♪ shoo bop ♪ ow!

[Sound system
reverberates]

Why don't you shoo bop
bop outta my life?!

Next!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Man: HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

Hi!

Hi.

I'm gonna sing
and dance.

[Soto voce]
At the same time.

And I'll try to watch
and hold down my lunch

at the same time.

♪ I'm a girl
kind of girl ♪

[Out of timing] ♪ I love
bracelets and rings ♪

♪ diamonds
and rubies ♪

♪ and all
of those things ♪

[Screeching]
♪ because spring ♪

[Off-key]
♪ is my favorite thing ♪

♪ we're not talkin'
zirconium ♪

[Screeching] ♪ spring
is my favorite thing ♪

Sto-opp!

Stop!

Bring back the chicken.

Why on earth should I put
you in my commercial?

Because my daddy
owns this hotel

and signs
your check.

Brilliant!

You...Are hired!

Ok, people!

I need all the dancers
playing guests

to line up, please!

Very tall guest...

Further right.

That's us! Move!

[Faking mature voice]
Sorry. I'm so tall,

it takes a while for it to get
from my brain down to my feet.

It's not fair!

HOW COME YOUR FACE GETS
TO BE IN THE COMMERCIAL?

Your face is my face. Besides,

your feet are in the commercial,
and you don't hear me complainin'.

[Gasping for air]

Speakin' of feet...

Don't you ever
change your socks?!

Ok, people.
It is...

Step, step,
kick, and turn.

ALL RIGHT? VERY SIMPLE.
YOUR TURN.

, , , !

Step, step, kick.

And turn.

Oh...Whoa...

Whoa! Ohhh!

[Mature voice]
I told you--

[own voice] I told
you we were twins.

Hmm. Double
the stink!

IT WAS
HIS SOCKS!

Boys, isn't it
bad enough

that I have to put up with
these commercial people

disrupting my hotel?

Now, behave, or I'll
have your mother

take you
to your room.

Guys, you're
embarrassing me!

YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING YOU.

You're
dancing luggage.

Ok, people, let's
take it from the top.

And make it good.
Mr. tipton is watching.

He is?
From where?

From his private jet.
He's getting the feed

from that camera
right over there.

All: HELLO, Mr. TIPTON!

Ohhh...

All right,
people, places!

Playback!

Action!

[Song intro plays]

♪ Welcome
to the tipton ♪

♪ where everything
is sweet ♪

♪ try joining us
for dinner ♪

♪ may we offer you
a seat? ♪

♪ come and stay
at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton keeps you
on top ♪ whoa! Whoa!

Is it just me, or are
your ears bleeding?

What? Oh...We're
gonna dub the voice.

♪ Because you're
the--whooh! ♪

Aah!

Who's going
to dub her feet?

London? Sweetie?

You are doing great! Thanks!

If this were
a bowling alley.

But remember?
I told you

to go to your left?

I did go to my left.

Then go
to your other left.

[Both talking
with mouths full]

This food is
only for the crew.

Have you guys
been eating it?

No...
No...

Ok, people!
Try to impress me!

Like that's
possible.

Playback!

Action!

♪

♪ welcome
to the tipton ♪

♪ where everything
is sweet ♪

♪ try joining us
for dinner ♪

♪ may we offer you
a seat? ♪

♪

♪ when you stay at the-- ♪

♪ the-- ♪

♪ the-- ♪

IT'S YOUR NAME!

Oh!

♪ When you stay
at the...London ♪

Your last name!

Well, I'm sorry!
It's just all so confusing!

The words, the music,
the dancing!

No! It's easy!

Well, if it's so easy,
then you try it.

Ok...I will.

Playback.

♪

♪ welcome
to the tipton ♪

♪ where everything
is sweet ♪

♪ try joining us
for dinner ♪

♪ may we offer you
a seat? ♪

♪ next time,
stay at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton
puts you on top ♪

♪ when you stay
at the tipton ♪

♪ the good times,
they never stop ♪

♪ because you're the star
when you travel far ♪

♪ the food is
always gourmet ♪

Chorus: ♪ GOURMET ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ it's your place
to stay ♪

♪ the tipton
is the place ♪

♪ to stay ♪

Check in!

[Applause]

Brilliant!

That was brilliant!

Please tell me there was
film in the camera.

I could...
But I'd be lying.

We used up all the film
on the airhead heiress.

[Gasps]

You're fired!

London,
YOU'RE FIRED.

Wait. Do you not
remember who I am?

No! And apparently,
neither do you!

My father will not
stand for this.

Right, daddy?

[Telephone rings]

That's him.

Hi, daddy.

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Uh-huh!

I'm fired.

You're hired.

Yeah, I was
gonna quit anyway.

No one makes a fool
of London...

Tipton! Tipton! Tipton!

I knew that.

I was pausing
for dramatic effect.

Traitor.

I can't believe
you're gonna be the star.

Not that you weren't great.
It's just

you didn't even want
the commercial here

in the first place.

I know...But when
life gives you lemons,

you make... ♪ lemonade ♪

Save it
for the cameras.

Ha ha ha!
Places!

You heard the man.
Ha ha ha!

Playback!

Action!

♪

♪ welcome
to the tipton ♪

♪ where everything
is sweet ♪

♪ try joining us
for dinner ♪

♪ may we offer you
a seat? ♪

♪ next time,
stay at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton puts you
on ♪ [Cluck cluck]

♪ Top-- ♪ ohh!
[Cluck cluck]

Ohh!

Uhh! Ooh! Oh!
I was tripped...

By that stupid chicken!

It's not his fault.

His hat was too tight.

He did it on purpose.

It was fowl play.
[Groans] Oh, please.

Can you dance?
Oh, of course.

The show must go--ohh!

Ohh!
Ow!

WHO AM I GOING TO
GET TO REPLACE HIM?

Me! Me! Me!

You know what
this commercial needs?

Adorable twins.

Wherever will we find some
on such short notice?

CERTAINLY NOT
IN THIS HOTEL!

IF ANYONE WANTS ME,
I'll BE IN THE GYM

smashing weights
into my head!

Hello! Can I get
a little help?

Boy, someone got up

on the wrong side
of the luggage carousel.

I'm sorry, guys.
I'm just cranky

because I should have
the lead in that commercial!

I can't believe Herman carried
a grudge for this long.

WELL, AT LEAST
YOU'RE ON CAMERA.

Just my legs!

Which admittedly
are pretty fantastic.

I've seen better.

But I'm sure
they were airbrushed.

I should just quit.

No. You can't
give up, mom.

You're always telling
us to persevere.

Yeah, you
should persevere.

By the way,
what does that mean?

It means you
never give up.

You keep
trying.

Right...No matter how
many hideous failures

you might
have to face.

No matter how many
times they tell you

you're not young enough
or pretty enough

or have stumpy
ankles.

Yeah, well, your pep talks
aren't so peppy, either.

You know what
we mean, mom.

You're
really talented.

And if we can't star in that
commercial, you should.

Yeah! You should go down
and tell the director guy

that you're not taking
"no" for an answer!

You're absolutely right!

All right, one more time.
And remember...

It's step, cluck,
cluck, step,

not cluck,
step, step, cluck.

[Cluck cluck]

He's doing
the best he can!

You're scaring him.

I'm just giving
him direction!

While eating
a chicken fajita!

It could be
his brother!

You, sir,
are not nice.

Didn't bother me
when my mother said it.

DOESN'T BOTHER ME
WHEN YOU SAY IT.

We're takin' a five.

Herman, we have to talk.

We were having
a very nice talk

at dinner
when you ditched me.

Herman, it's
been years.

In days.

It's almost
our anniversary.

And me without a card.

Herman, don't you think it's
time to forgive and forget

and hire somebody
who doesn't have feathers?

Unless you want me
to wear a boa.

I'd rather work with
a boa than hire you!

She's going down.
Warm up your dancing feet.

I said no!

We gotta help her!

This is
mom's big break.

And she's not
getting any younger!

Well, neither are we!
We're pushing ,

and I don't have a lot
of cute left in me.

Now...Pack yourself
and get out!

Hey! Don't talk
to our mom like that!

You'd be lucky to hire
her for your commercial.

In fact, you should
hire all three of us.

Sure. This hotel
is our home.

And no one knows what makes
it great better than we do.

We love
this hotel

and everyone
in it.

They're
our family.

Wow.

I think I'm feeling
something.

Wait. It's
just the fajita

backing up on me.

Herman-- don't you "Herman" me!

You three will never
be in my commercial!

There's not a force in the
universe that can change my mind!

[Cell phone rings]

Hello!

[Sweetly]
Hello...Mr. T.

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I've changed my mind!

You're hired!

Mr. tipton
loves my idea

of a family angle
for the commercial.

I WISH WE'D
THOUGHT OF THAT.

You mean we're in?

All three:
THANKS, Mr. TIPTON!

Guys! Guys! Come on!
It's starting!

Tv: We'll be back
after these messages.

♪

♪ welcome
to the tipton ♪

♪ where everything
is sweet ♪

♪ try joining us
for dinner ♪

♪ may we offer you
a seat? ♪

♪ next time,
stay at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton
puts you on top ♪

♪ when you stay
at the tipton ♪

♪ the good times,
they never stop ♪

♪ because you're the star
when you travel far ♪

♪ the food
is always gourmet ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ it's your place to stay ♪

♪ we belong
at the tipton ♪

♪ the tipton is
our place to play ♪

♪ room service, movies,
and ice cream ♪

♪ in Paris, New York,
or Bombay ♪

♪ hang your hat
on our welcome mat ♪

♪ we want you
to have it your way ♪

♪ your way ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪

♪ at the tipton ♪

♪ your place to ♪

♪ stay ♪

And bring
the family!

♪ The tipton is the place ♪

♪ to stay ♪

Check in!

Yeah!
Yeah!

[Applause]

Ohh...

Ha ha ha!

It was
a smart choice,

making me the star
of the commercial.

You weren't
the star.

Of course I was.

I couldn't take
my eyes off of me.

Mom, you were right--

SHOW BUSINESS IS
DOG EAT DOG.

Or chicken.

But we never quit.

We persevered... and hoped...
And dreamed

for the failure
of others.

And they didn't
let us down.

That's my boys.

[Telephone rings]

Hi, daddy.

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh.

Daddy loved
the commercial.

[Sighs of relief]

Uh-huh. Reservations
are pouring in.

Most of them
from families.

And that means a lot
more kids at the hotel!

Nnnnooooo!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

I think he took that
rather well.

Yeah.