03x10 - First Day Of High School

[bunniefuu]

[elevator dings]

Fill this
with candy.

Maddie asked me
to send it to her.

She's spending
a semester with
her aunt arctica.

Antarctica
is not a person...

It's a continent.

You mean like
ketchup and mustard?

Yeah, that's it.

London?

I have news
pertaining to
your school.

You will no longer
be attending classes

At our lady of
perpetual sorrow.

[gasps]
I graduated?!

Oh, yay, me!
No, no--

Woot.

It must be part
of the "no heiress
left behind" program.

No, you haven't graduated.

You've been expelled.

Oh, what could I
have done wrong?

I hardly
ever showed up.

Nevertheless,
since you've been

Kicked out of
every private
school in boston,

You will now
be attending...

Chivers high.

[gasps]
but that's a pu...

Pu...

Public school.

I can't go there.

Public schools
are filled with

Scary, creepy,
hideously dressed kids.

Hey!

I'm goin' to chivers.

Ugh, exactly my point.

Thanks for backing me up.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.
Temper, temper!

Isn't fighting what
got you kicked out
of your last school?

Hey, the lunch lady
was askin' for it...

Out of matzah ball soup.

Nevertheless,
when I agreed

To let you stay here
for the school year,

You promised me
you wouldn't get
into any fights.

And I won't...
As long as I get
my matzah ball soup.

[whimpers]

What am I going
to do in public school?

I'll tell you
what not to do.

Don't...Be you.

The whole rich girl,
snooty thing is not
going to fly.

Gotcha,
I'll keep it real.

Don't do that.

Right on.

♪here I am in your life ♪

♪here you are in mine ♪

♪yes, we have
a suite life ♪

♪most of the time ♪

♪you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪so come on down ♪

♪just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪so come on down ♪

♪it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪so come on down ♪

♪this is the suite life ♪

♪we've got a suite life ♪

Captioning made possible by
disney--abc cable networks group

Wow, a guy could
get whiplash around here.

Look at that
one over there.

I know! All these flyers
for extra curriculars.

Chess club, robot club, ooh!

Robots who play chess club.

[robot voice]
checkmate.

[robot voice]
you're a dork.

No offense.

You know, just 'cause
you say "no offense"

Doesn't excuse
the offensive remark
that inevitably follows.

Well, in that case,
you're a dork.

Ed.

Hey, bob!
Isn't high school great?

Ker

And itt ne to her.

[laughing]

I picked a good day
to wear deodorant.

Girl: Later, amber.

Hi.

Bye.

And the trap is set.

Well, I guess it's just
you and me, bob.

Soy, dude. Now that
I'm in high school

I've dec t

You re serious.

Is place is horrible.

I had to wait minutes
for the parking valet.

The school doesn't
have valet parking.

Then who did I
give my car to?

Oh, well.

It was almost
out of gas, anyway.

Hey, look at
this locker.

It is way too small.

How much room
do you need?

It's not like
you read books.

I need
a walk-in locker.

Whaty? D

E going
you want to
to go to the mall?Bucks.

Hi, my name is ellen.

[indistinct chatter]

Told you I'd be popular.

You, walk with me
in the hallway.

You, listen to me
like you care.

[gasps]

Good!

Oh, and you,
carry my books.

Uh...

I'm the principal.

Good, then you know
where all the classrooms are.

Young lady, I have
no intention of--

Oh, well.

That goes right
into the school fund.

[bell rings]

Ah, amber.

It seems we have
biology class together.

This is chemistry.

You feel it, too?

Ok, I admit,
you are incredibly cute,

But you're a freshman
and I'm a sophomore.

I heard nothing after
"you are incredibly cute."

Zack, I'm way
too old for you.

Oh, age is but a number.

Speakin' of numbers,
can I have yours?

That is adorable. Kids.

Not until after
we're married.

[giggles]

Ahem.

Excuse me, would you mind
not sitting so close?

I don't want to get
your nerdness on my jockness.

No offense.

And yet, I'm offended.

I'm sorry.

Ah, pfft, nerd.

[laughs]

[exhaling loudly]

Hey, cody?

Can you help me
be a nerd?

We prefer
educationally gifted.

Whatever.

I've decided to go
another way in high school.

This whole bad boy
cool thing is getting old.

It's not as
easy as you think.

Do you have
any allergies?

Any irrational fears?

I have fear of allergies.

Histaminophobia.

Welcome aboard, chief!

Ok, I want you
to take out these walls,
move everything--

Those lockers belong
to other students.

Not anymore,
I bought them.

The corner locker was extra
but it was worth it.

[indistinct chatter]

Look, let me explain
something to you
about high school.

It's a dog-eat-dog world
and I can't be seen
with a little puppy.

Uh, don't be fooled.

Behind this
puppy-dog face,

Deep down inside,

I'm a wolf.

[howls]

Hey, why is
your arm around
my girlfriend?

Is this your girlfriend?

And is that my arm?

I'm sorry, man.
I really didn't know.

I tell you what,

I'm going to have
a man-to-arm talk.

What were you thinkin'?

Here's some place
you two can talk.

Privately.

[laughing]

Hey, what
are you doin'

Pickin' on
some little kid?

[grunts]

Looks like somebody's
got a little junk
in their trunk

Why don't you
pick on someone
your own size?

Like who?

Like me.

[whimpering]
see?

Now we're about
the same height.

Ow, ow.

What do you think,
blue or yellow?

I'm sorry,
let me give you a hand.

[girl screams]

Ooh.

Definitely blue!

[snapping]

That'll teach you not
to mess with zack and nia!

Yeah!
Yeah! All right,
come on.

Give it to me.
Ha ha!

[giggling]

[groans]

Ahh, that was fun.

What do you say
we high five

All the way down
to my office?

This is terrible.

Uncle marion's
gonna send me back
to live with my mom.

Can I come with you?

Because after this,
I won't be able
to live with mine.

No, london.

Let me go to your
science class for you?

Thanks, but you
don't look like me.

Lenny liu is going.

But he's a guy.

I paid him extra
to wear a dress.

I can't believe
the princess

Is having a perfect
first day.

This stinks.

Garbe
in my underpants.

[sighs]

Cody?

You got sent to
the principal's office?

Not sent, invited.

She likes to meet
all of her honor students.

It's the first day
of school.

I did some work
over the summer.

I hate you.

I know.

Cody martin?

Oh, it is an honor
to meet you,
young man.

.

[both laughing]

[no audio]

Hey, you know,
this Saturday

A group of the boston
birdie buddies

Are going to lake waban
in search of
the blue-footed booby.

That's on my list!

Would you mind
if I tagged along?

I'll bring
the peanut butter sandwiches.

Oh, smooth, of
course, because--

Both: Crunchy would
scare the birds!

[both laughing]

Both: Ahh.

Oh, brother.

Don't remind me.

See ya this Saturday.

Birdie buddy.

Birdie buddy.

Both: Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch
ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

Ca-caw!

Principal militich?
Yes?

Hi, marion moseby.

I would just
like to apologize

For my niece's
behavior.

Uncle marion,
I--I can explain.

All right,
go ahead.

Well...You--vance
made me mad.

Uh-ho, well then.

But, no, see,
what had happened--

Hey, mr. Moseby.
Fancy meetin' you here.

You? Not so fancy.

Wow, I'm here before
lunch on the first day.

I think that's a record.

And you are?

I'm sorry,
I'm carey martin.

I'm cody's mom.

Oh, well I called you
about zack.

I know, I just like people
to know I'm battin' .

Mom, it wasn't my fault.

Yeah, it was
vance's fault.

Well, where is he?

He is in
the nurse's office

Getting your
paint job removed.

[gasps]
you painted
a boy?

She was defending me.

Uh-ho,
so it all goes
back to you.

Why am I
not surprised?

I don't believe
we're here because
zack was in a fight.

Oh, no.
He just started
the fight.

Oh, if you want
to talk aboureason--ng--'shy

All right, people!

Cut it out, or I will
give you detention.

He started it.
She started it.

Mom, if you need any help,
just give us a call.

Yeah, we'll
be in class.

Ok, nice try.

My office.

I don't care if we're
on the first floor.

I want my locker
to have a skylight.

Hey, buddy.

Ooh, it's
my good friend...

What's your name again?

Ellen.

I'm the one who listens
to your problems

And pretends to care.

Oh, thank goodness
you're here.

For starters,
these people don't
know beige from cream.

[gasps]
that is terrible.

What is wrong with you?

How could you put
this poor girl

Through this
kind of t*rture?

No, we don't
offer taxidermy
as an elective.

Now please--
what the--?!

I know it's hideous.

But it'll look
a lot better when
I put the marble in.

London,
what are you doing?

You can't just
demolish other
people's lockers.

Yes, I can.

My friends said
I could have them.
Right?

We don't even know you.

Well, sure you do.

Oh, yeah?
What's my name?

Um...

Uh...Don't tell me.

Uh, ooh!
It starts with an "l"!

Ellen.

See? I was right.
"l", "n".

[giggles]

London?
Hmm?

After class,
my office.

Ohh, no can do.

No?
I'm waiting for
the cable guy.

They say between
: and : ,
but it's always : .

Ok, I'm sorry.
How silly of me.

Tell you what.

You bring
the cable guy

And I will give
him detention, too.

Well, you know,
I gotta tell you,

I prefer
being a nerd.

It's a lot
more satisfying
hitting the books

Instead of
hitting someone
right in the kisser.

Mark, how many fights
have you actually been in?

Well,
at least--none.

But that's because
you're only supposed

To use your
martial arts
for self-defense.

That's according
to my sensei,
barry weinstock.

You take classes
at the tae kwon deli?

No one chops liver
like barry!

Uh-uh-uh.

[no audio]

Bob, we've been
friends for years.

Yeah, well, k.

You're not a jock.

You get winded
when we play
video games.

Shh!

Hey, big, bad bob.

Is this nerd
bothering you?

Wait, didn't I already
throw you in the trash?

That was my brother.

By the way, kudos.

What did you call me?

No, uh, kudos is
a word meaning
"congratulations"

From the greek
kydos meaning

"praise" or
"renowned."

Shut up.

From the jock,
meaning I'm going
to break your face.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy, vance.

Ok, yeah,
he may be a nerd

But I used
to hang with him.

That makes you a nerd.

Oh, well,
nerd adjacent.

I don't know
what you just said

But I think you
just insulted me.

, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

[grunts]

What are you...Doing?

Don't worry,
cody.

I'll take
him out with
my tae kwon do!

Oh, right after
I stretch.

Couldn't you just
skip that part, mark?

Oh, no.
Sensei weinstock
has rules,

Always stretch

And never
salt your soup
before you taste it.

Get off of me.
Unh.

I can't hit
you from here.

Ok.
Bob, help me.

Hey, hey.
What's going on?

Zack martin,
what did
I tell you?

Cody?

Oh, hi, ms. Militich.

You know, I just
saw a white-breasted
nuthatch out the window

And, uh, I wanted
to get a better view.

Yeah, how's this
little buddy?

Perfect, big buddy.

That is so sweet.

Well, why don't
you buddies

Piggy-back it
all the way down
to my office.

Hey, zack.

I'm sorry
you got thrown
into the trash

On account of me.

Look, I can't be seen
talking with you.

Vance is still out there,
and I still have pudding
in my socks.

Zack!

You don't have
to worry about
vance anymore.

I broke up with him
when I realized what
a jerk he is.

Oh, well, you know
what they say.

When one door closes
another one opens.

Honey, I'm home.

Don't you see
that we could never be?

I'm calculus
and you're pre-calculus.

Why bring
science into this?

It's math, and we
just don't add up.

Ok, ok.
How about this?

When I'm a sophomore,
then we could date.

If you knew your math
you'd know that that's

Just one year later,
and I'll be a junior.

Ok, then. There's
only solutions.

Either I've got
to skip a grade

Or you've
got to fail.

I'm a straight "a" student.

Hey, I'm a straight
"d" student.

Maybe you could
tutor me sometime.

Something tells me
you're not really
interested in studying.

Uh, that's not true.

As a matter
of fact, you're
my favorite subject.

So, how
about Saturday?

Ok, but we're just
going to do school work.

Of course,
of course.

And the trap
snapped shut.

You know...

I've never been in
the principal's office

Without getting
a certificate

Suitable for framing.

Yeah, public school stinks.
Mm-hmm.

The only bright spot
in my day is that
nia's miserable, too.

We just think
you're great, nia!

Oh, yeah.

It's about time
someone stood up
to vance.

And I just know
we're going to be
the best of friends.

Oh, thanks, ellen!

[gasps]

I just realized
that if you buy
your friends,

They're not going
to really like you
for who you are.

Really?

Congratulations, london.

You learned
something on your
first day of school.

Yay, smart me!

Ohh, cody,
cody martin.

I am so disappointed
in you.

Please don't put this
on my permanent record.

I'll never get in
to a good law school...

Or medical school...

Or the nasa program.

I wanted to be
the first doctor
lawyer in space.

[crying]

I just want
to buy things.

Cody,
please tell me

You're accepting
an award

And that's why
I was called
down here.

No, I got in a fight.

You mean
like a spirited
debate?

No, like a real fight.

Oh, no.
Tell me this
isn't going

To affect
his whole

Doctor-lawyer
in space thing.

No, but he will get
a day of detention.

[whimpering]

Which...

If you behave yourself...

Will not
end up on your
permanent record.

Thank you,
thank you!

You're a testament
to fairness...

And sensible footwear.

Oh, no. It's
the least I could do
for a fellow birder.

Ca-ca-ca-ca-caw!

Ca-ca-ca-ca-caw!

Carey?
You're here again?

Should've just
carpooled.

We'll work out
a schedule later.

What happened?

Well, ms. La-de-da
did not attend
any of her classes.

No, she was
too busy knocking
down lockers

To build her own
personal lounge.

Well, I was going
to invite you

Once I got
the sushi bar in.

Oh, please. Do not
tell me about--

Sushi bar?

You should have
seen what the cafeteria
was serving for lunch.

Mashed potatoes
and macaroni.

starches!
Shame on you!

Oh, excusez-moi.

Next time
I'll have le chef

To defrost something
more appetizing.

That's all I ask.

Principal militich,
I'm sorry.

I am certain that
cody will never have
detention again.

I make no promises
about zack.

You'll be seeing
plenty of him.

Hey, you're for
today, too, toots.

Hey, watch the toots.

I didn't come--
at least I've had--

You is not--
since they were--

[whistle blowing]

All right, I have
had enough of you two.

Now, sit.

[both talking at once]

Shush!

Quiet!

Way to start--
how many times--

Really proud--
nothing but trouble--

Shush it!

Hey, nia?

Don't make me
paint you again.

I just want to say
I'm sorry.

't wt
to be a jerk anymore.

Well, what do
you want to be?

Your boyfriend.

Say what?

The way you stood up
to me was awesome.

And...I think
you're really cute.

[giggles]

Oh, thanks.

So, this is
detention.

Serves me right.

I took a dark path
which led to anger
and v*olence.

I'm ashamed.

Yeah, you jumped
on a guy's back.

Quick, call a cop!

Mark, what are you
even doing here?

I didn't have
anything better to do.

I do.

I should be out
buying cologne

For my study date
with amber this Saturday.

I thought she
was unattainable.

I tained her.

High school is
a roller coaster.

Sure, it has
it's ups and downs,

But now we're all
together in one place...

Detention.

You, me, nia, and london.

Yay, me!

I see you
came prepared.

Oh, yeah. I never
come to detention

Without bringing
something to do.

Last year, thanks to zack,
I knitted sweaters
and an afghan.

This year,
I'm rhine-stoning.

You know,
may I try it?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Do you push your--

Just right
on the thing.

Or do you
have to--oh!

Both: Sorry, ms. Militich.

I will see
you two tomorrow.

[both laughing]

It went boop!

Shush!

[yells]