Cheers if filmed before
a live studio audience.
Hey, Dr. Crane. Look what I got.
That's quite a trophy, Woody.
I didn't know you played golf.
I don't.
There's a... trophy
shop down the street.
You just... bought this
trophy? You don't even golf?
Why should I?
Well, because the idea
of a trophy is to show
some sort of accomplishment.
You should learn to golf.
Go out, take a
couple of lessons.
Spend some hours mastering
the finer points of the game.
And then?
Well, then you get better
and you can join a country club.
And then?
Well, and then you can compete.
Maybe enter some tournaments.
And then?
And maybe some day, you'll
be the best and you'll win,
and then you'll get a...
A trophy, Dr. Crane?
Congratulations, Woody.
(theme song begins)
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
There's something different
about Dr. Sternin-Crane.
I can't put my finger on it.
Is it her hair?
No, no. I'll-I'll get it.
Her dress?
Oh, I've got it, her
husband's growing a beard.
Did I hear someone
mention my beard?
That's right, Woody... a beard,
the ultimate manifestation
of masculinity.
Testosterone surging
through my face!
Every red-blooded man's
birthright... hair on his chin.
I don't know why I
didn't do this before.
Because I wouldn't let you.
Oh, yes. That's right.
It all comes back to me now.
Hi. I-I'm looking
for Woody Boyd.
Oh! Russell! Hey!
Russell! Russell! Russell!
All the way from Florida! Hey!
How're you doing, cuz?
I'm great, man! Great.
Hey, Sam, guess who this is.
Uh-h, your cousin
Russell from Florida?
Wow! What are you, a witch?
Hi, Russell.
I'm Sam... Sam Malone.
I know. Woody's told
me all about this place.
Oh, Miss Howe, just as
beautiful as Woody said you were.
Well, thank you, Woody.
Hey, uh, there's Mr. Peterson,
and look, Mr. Clavin.
Hey, there's the Cranes.
You were right, Woody,
like she's seen a ghost.
And there, and
there's Carla, right?
And Tecumseh and
the, and the jukebox,
and the wooden lady,
and the little porthole...
Hey, Russell, I-I guess
you know who I am.
I'm Paul Krapence.
Who?
I-I was going on and on.
I had to draw the
line somewhere.
Hey, uh, Russell, let me
get you something to drink.
Well, well, one of
Woody's relatives.
Hello, Russell. Hi.
Say, Russell, uh, have
you ever been to Hanover?
I spent every summer
of my life there.
Yes, well, Woody's
told us a lot about it,
and I'm sure we'd
all be interested
in a different perspective.
Well, you know, it's
just like any other small,
rural town in the Midwest.
There's acres and
acres of farmland,
and hard-working people.
You know, it's also the
U.F.O. capital of the world.
Enjoy your stay
in Boston, Russell.
Thank you.
Hey, Russell, you
can stay with me.
I got a real nice apartment.
The couch almost
opens out into a bed.
Most days you've
got heat and hot water.
And it's usually quiet,
except the couple next door
is off the wagon this week.
Wow, Woody, that's
a great offer, man,
but I already made a reservation
in this cheap little motel.
Can I stay with you?
Well, Russell, why don't you
put your suitcase in the office.
That's real kind, sir,
but like I just told Woody,
I already got a room reserved.
Oh, well, then just
while you're here.
Hey, Sam... be real nice to him.
He's... he's heartbroken.
His girl he's been going
out with for a long time
just dumped him.
So he's come to Boston
to make a new start.
I think he's hoping to
hit the big time, like me.
Big time?
Woody, you're a bartender.
You-you're living hand-to-mouth.
Yep. Back in Hanover,
people think I made
a pact with the Devil.
What's Russell going to do
while he's here in Boston, Woody?
Well, I don't know, Miss Howe.
(playing simple melody on piano)
I was hoping he
could work at Cheers.
What does he know how to do?
Uh, that's the question.
Yeah, he was always off
writing and sculpting and painting,
while the rest of us
were bettering ourselves
by learning air-conditioning
repair and riding dirt bikes.
Yeah, to tell you the truth,
I don't know if he can
do much of anything.
(plays boogie-woogie
melody virtuosically)
Of course! Why didn't
I think of it before?
He can be a busboy.
Hey, Russ...
Sam, why don't we hire him
to be the piano player here?
Well... maybe,
as long as he works for tips.
Well, you-you won't regret it.
I know about these things.
I have a golden gut.
It must be worth a fortune.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you
said "golden butt."
Well, here's your mail, Rebecca.
Thank you.
CLIFF: Hey, uh, Twitchell.
Hey, Clavin.
How come every other
mailman in this town is out there
busting his hump
and you're in here
sitting on your
over-sized irregular?
Return it to sender, Twitchell.
You left this in
your box, Clavin.
What's that?
That's the official memo
regarding the new uniforms.
Starting tomorrow,
they are regulation wear,
and that's by order
of the Postmaster General.
Huh.
Wait a second.
I can't believe you opened
my mail there, Twitch.
Hey...
Ah! (chuckles)
That's a good one, Clavin.
Yeah.
But, uh, you can't
escape the fact
that starting tomorrow,
we all have to wear
the new uniforms.
No exceptions.
Oh, yeah?
Well, this is what I think
of the new uniforms.
Oh, come on, now.
It's not as bad as that.
You haven't even seen them yet.
That's right, and
I don't want to.
As far as I'm concerned,
it doesn't exist.
This is the uniform that made me
want to become a postal worker.
And this is the
uniform I'm sticking to.
You wouldn't have that problem
if you washed it
once in a while.
Uh...
You know, this is
insubordination, Clavin.
I got no choice but to
report you to the supervisor.
I don't care if you do.
There comes a time
in every man's life
when he's got to
show his manhood,
put his cards on the table.
Can we just see the cards?
You know, you guys,
if we're going to have
a piano player
that's this great,
we shouldn't hide him
up there in the corner.
I think we should move
the piano down here
and put it against this wall.
If you help me move it,
I'll give each of
you a free beer.
Oh, great.
I mean, I suppose
you think we're...
we're like a couple
of trained dogs.
Every time you want
us to do something,
you'll waggle a free
beer under our face.
Uh-uh. We have
some self-respect.
We have a little dignity.
Am I right, Paul? Mm-hmm.
If I do it by myself,
can I have both beers?
Sure.
Way to go, fathead.
I was working her for a pitcher.
(both grunting)
There. That wasn't so hard.
Yeah. Get a couple guys
who know what they're doing,
no problem, huh?
Just hope Rebecca doesn't
need us to move it back.
That could get a little hairy.
(playing boogie-woogie melody)
That's great, Russell.
All right. Whoo.
Thanks...
Thanks a lot, Miss Howe.
Say, what would you
call that color of hair?
What? This hair? Mm-hmm.
Well, it's nothing unusual.
It's just, uh, what a...
medium chestnut
with auburn highlights.
Is that what it
said on the bottle?
Why do you ask, Russell?
Well I was hoping
to use it in a song.
Do you mind if I just say...
The color of romance,
(playing gentle melody)
the color of longing,
the color of the
feeling I get...
when I see you smile?
Okay.
I think we have a May-December
thing happening here.
Yeah. December
of the following year.
I'd say he's got a major
case of puppy love going here.
He's following you around,
asking to do errands for you,
wanting rides back to the motel.
Oh, so what if he has
a little crush on me.
I think it's sweet.
Rebecca, you know I've seen
this type of behavior before.
When Frasier first
had a crush on me,
he had difficulty
expressing his feelings.
He was very shy.
So he expressed
them in other ways.
Uh, calling me at all hours,
and then when I
answered, hanging up.
Just sitting quietly in his car,
in front of my house,
hour after hour.
Going through my mail,
and then carefully replacing
the letters in my mailbox.
In other words, stalking me.
It got what I wanted, didn't I?
You know, you guys, there's
no need to worry about this.
I mean, if it gets out of
hand, I know just what to do.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to dedicate a
song to a very, very lovely lady,
Miss Rebecca Howe.
(piano playing)
♪ I spent last night ♪
♪ Dreaming of your eyes ♪
♪ But your hair kept
getting in the way ♪
♪ Your lips dropped in ♪
♪ To tell me how you'd been ♪
♪ And when I
tried to kiss them ♪
♪ My pillow told
me I missed them ♪
♪ Your voice dropped by ♪
♪ And sang a lullaby ♪
♪ And it was then I
knew just what to do ♪
♪ I'd fall asleep and then ♪
♪ I'd dream of you ♪
♪ Again. ♪
Oh, sure,
but ask him to fix
an air conditioner.
My muse.
My inspiration.
Oh, Sam, he's so sweet.
I don't want to
hurt his feelings.
What do you say
when you break up with a woman?
I usually say, "I'll
call you tomorrow."
Well, Russell and Miss Howe.
Yeah. Yeah.
Never thought of
it, but it could work.
I mean, they could go out.
They could hit it off.
Maybe even get married.
Hey, who knows?
Maybe he could give
her the baby you couldn't.
That was a choice, Woody.
Hey, thanks a lot
for the ride, Rebecca.
You feel like coming
in for a cup of coffee?
Uh, no, thanks, Russell.
Um...
Russell, I-I had something
that I wanted to say to you
and I, and I-I didn't get a
chance to in the car, um,
I don't know
exactly how to put it.
I wanted to talk to you
about the crush you have on me.
I don't have a crush
on you, Rebecca.
You what?
I don't have a crush on you.
(quietly): You don't? No.
Oh, my God. (laughs)
I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, dear.
Oh, well.
All right, Russell,
I will come in
and have that cup of
coffee. Yeah, come on in.
Oh.
After you.
(gasps)
Rebecca,
I don't have a crush on you.
I just love you with all
of my heart and soul.
(piano playing)
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Say, folks, I'm gonna
be taking a short break.
Woody, have you seen my snifter?
Oh, it's over there.
Sammy, you want to put
a head on this, please?
That's yours.
Thanks.
Say, uh, say, Sammy, is, uh,
is Rebecca coming in today?
Well, she's scheduled to work
so I'm not really sure.
Well, maybe I should
swing by her place
and see if she's all right.
Say, does anybody
know where she lives?
Never mind, I'll find it.
Thank God he's gone!
Hey, where the hell have
you been all afternoon?
Hiding up at Melville's
waiting for Russell to leave.
You know, I sat up there
for three hours
pushing my glass around
making moronic small talk.
Boy, if I ever get like
that, put a g*n to my head.
I thought he had
a little crush on me.
Mm-hmm. It's a
full-blown obsession.
The man worships me.
It's like he's a little bit
off balance, if you
know what I mean.
He worships you
and you think he's
a little off balance?
Woody, was Russell different
in any way when
he was growing up?
Well, he does
have one little quirk.
You know, when
he likes something,
he really gets carried away.
I mean, uh, you know,
one time he liked trains.
I mean, really liked them.
Collected them,
wrote songs about them,
pasted pictures
all over his walls.
You know, in fact
he-he even thought
he was a train for a while.
Every morning
at 7:53, you could hear
him coming through town.
What do I do? The advisable
course of action is to
not take any chances.
A woman living alone
who feels threatened
in any fashion,
is entitled to
police protection.
I thought I'd just be
a little bit more direct
and tell him I
wasn't interested.
Yeah, right.
Be direct.
Lay people.
Uh, can I help you?
Do you have a Clavin here?
Yeah, but it hasn't
been flushing right lately.
Wait, wait, there he is.
There's the renegade.
Oh, hey, Twitchell.
What'd you do, tell
your dad on me?
Henderson.
Postal inspector, South Branch.
There have been
reports of your refusal
to wear the new postal uniform.
Oh, gee, I wonder
who reported me.
It was me, stupid.
That's the only reason I'd
come in here on my day off
to see you knuckle under.
Yeah, so, uh, what if I
don't wear this new uniform?
Then I will have no choice
but to put you under
immediate suspension.
Eh, you wouldn't do that.
When I'm through with you,
you'll be lucky to get
a job sticking flyers
under windshield wipers.
Now what's it gonna be?
Oh, all right.
You win this time.
Hey, Paul,
guard the men's room
door for me, will you?
I'm gonna be naked in there.
Again?
(both laughing)
Hook, line and sinker.
Hey, fellas, what's up?
Oh, Sam, I want you to meet
my brother-in-law, Frank. Hi, Sam.
Frank. Hey, what are
you guys trying to pull?
Ah, I'm sick of Clavin
sh**ting off his mouth
about the new uniforms.
He's never even seen them,
so we came up with
our own Clavin version.
The old fake uniform gag. Yeah.
Why didn't we think of that?
You know, I'm a little
disappointed in all of us.
I just think we're
gonna have to work
a little harder around here.
There you are, Rebecca.
Hello, Russell.
Where you been? Hiding...
I mean, doing my taxes.
Russell, come
here. I-I think you
and I need to
have a little talk.
Sure. I could talk
to you all night.
In fact I have,
in my own way.
Uh, Russell, have a seat.
Oh, you know, Rebecca,
I hope I didn't
frighten you last night
with my little tribute
to you on the walls.
Russell,
you have to stop this.
I'm not worthy of
all this attention.
I'm Rebecca.
I'm nobody. I'm nothing.
I know it, that's-that's
what Carla told me.
And-and Cliff and-and Norm
and Paul and Cousin
Woody, Well, anyway...
Mr. Hill upstairs and
Ruben, the busboy...
The point...
Russell, you're young,
attractive and sensitive
and-and, you know,
there's just so many
women out there for you.
I'm just not the one.
Boy, I've-I've heard
this speech before.
Just...
just pipe down and...
put some clothes on
or we'll call Amtrak
security, right?
Is that it?
Is that the one?
Yes, Russell, you
pretty much said it for me.
All right, I-I won't
bother you anymore.
I-I guess my little
songs and doodles
could never have-have
won the heart of a woman
as-as beautiful and
wonderful as you.
sh**t, I'm a richer person
for having known you, Rebecca.
You'll always be special.
Phew.
Glad I don't have to
deal with that anymore.
"I love you, Rebecca.
I love you, Rebecca."
Who needs it?
(whimpering): I feel better.
Any year now, Clavin!
I'm coming.
I'm coming, for crying out loud.
Hold your horses.
Well, I was wrong.
This thing is great.
Well, uh,
you haven't seen the hat.
Wow, all right.
Now this is a uniform
that demands respect.
Yes, sir.
There's gonna be one less reason
to make fun of
Cliff Clavin tonight.
No, no, Mrs.
Clavin, it wasn't us.
No, it was a couple of
guys from the Post Office.
Yeah, I know.
I wish we could
have thought of it, too.
It was, it...
You're kicking yourself. Yeah.
(laughs) Okay.
Well, we'll talk to you later.
Bye-bye.
She's not exactly
Donna Reed, is she?
No.
No, no.
Sam,
I've been in there
thinking about Russell.
I mean, what's wrong with
somebody paying attention to me?
I mean, so he loves
me, is that a crime?
I'm gonna go talk to him.
Somebody cover for me.
Cover for what?
You don't do
anything around here.
Ha-ha.
Seriously, what does she
do around here anyway?
(loud music playing)
Russell!
Russell, it's me, Rebecca!
Russell, I know you can hear me.
R-Russell, I was
wrong to turn you away.
Russell!
I'm coming in!
I want you to give
me another chance!
Oh, hi, Rebecca.
Isn't Carla dreamy?