Hello, boys. I'm back.
Next time on Cheers...
My friends, I'm not the same
Robin Colcord you once knew.
I'm penniless.
Rebecca's old prince
is now a pauper.
Well, I gave it away. Excuse me?
He gave it away?
Hiding money belts filled
with millions of dollars
all over the world.
And guess who thinks some of
it might be stashed at Cheers?
Whoever finds it, I get half.
It's finders-keepers,
next time on Cheers.
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Hey, Cliffie, take
away that beard,
and you know who
I'd swear that is?
Oh, yeah,
you took the words right
out of my mouth, Normie.
Mr. D.B. Cooper himself.
Yeah, I've been trackin' him
for 20 years now,
and now he's found
me; the supreme irony.
No, Cliff, I was going
to say Robin Colcord.
Huh? Oh, yeah!
Yeah, you're right.
Isn't that something?
Well, my search continues.
A glass of ice water.
And, uh, by the way, hello, Sam.
Hello, boys.
I'm back.
Robin! Robin Colcord!
I'll be damned.
How you been?
Look at you!
Why you, uh, why are
you dressed like that?
Well, my friends, I'm not
the same Robin Colcord
you once knew... I am penniless.
Robin!
You left here with
six million bucks!
Remember, you had it hidden
in that money
belt in the office?
Yeah, well, I gave it away.
And now I'm a drifter searching
the world without a dime
and finally liking
what I find inside me.
Well... great.
No, seriously, Robin, you know,
what have you been up to?
I've been living.
I walked through Europe.
I worked a kibbutz in Israel.
Joined the merchant marine.
Had the great honor to
be blessed by the Pope.
But listen to me
going on about myself.
What have you
fellows been up to?
h*tler moved into my building.
And, uh, how's Rebecca?
Is she still luscious?
Uh, no. Actually,
she slimmed down.
My Rebecca.
You know, I can't tell you
how much I've missed her.
And now to see her again,
to look into those amber eyes,
to hear that crystal
bell of a voice.
Crap, Sam!
Your desk smells like
somebody puked in it!
Rebecca, I'm back.
Robin!
My sweet baby!
Is it really you?!?
Yes.
I knew you'd come back for me!
I quit!
I'm out of here.
No more petty job
for Rebecca Howe.
No more hanging
out with you poor,
pathetic, boring losers all day!
My prayers have been answered.
Robin's come back for
me, and I'm rich! I'm rich!
Why are you dressed
like that, Robin?
Well I've taken
a vow of poverty.
I have only what I'm wearing
and what I'm carrying
in my rucksack.
Well, that's very sweet.
Uh, did I just call
you guys a bunch
of names a few minutes ago?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I just
have these episodes
when I'm around rich
people, sort of like a blackout.
No harm done, 'kay?
Uh, Robin, listen.
You know, I'm really
interested in hearing all about
what's been happening with you,
so what say you and
I go to dinner tonight,
just the two of us.
Well, I'm afraid it would
have to be your treat.
Of course it would.
Well, splendid.
I'll, uh, just go
and wash up, eh?
Poor guy.
It's a real comedown, isn't it?
Seems happy though.
Of course he's happy.
He's lying.
I'm afraid of the rest of this.
Sam, don't you see
it? He's testing me.
Remember the last
time before he left,
he pretended like he was
poor and I rejected him?
And then it turns out he
wasn't poor, he was rich?
Well, he's testing me again.
He wants to see if I've matured.
And I'm gonna make damn sure
that he knows that material
wealth means nothing to me.
And then he'll marry
me and take me away.
And I won't have to
spend any more time
with you poor,
pathetic, boring losers.
Day after day after day!
Honey, it's happening again.
What? What's happening?
Hello, everyone!
So, what's new?
Hey, Doc, you'd
better settle in.
Have we got a surprise for you.
Really?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
a real shockeroo.
You'll never guess who's back.
It's Lilith, isn't it?
Oh, thank God!
She wants me back!
Oh! Everything's
gonna be okay now!
I'll fall to my knees
and tell her what a living
hell my life has been!
At last, the long
nightmare is finally over!
Where is my beautiful girl?
Well, Doc, actually,
it's Robin Colcord.
Oh... good.
I wouldn't take that
broad back if you paid me.
How'd it go?
He's testing me,
but I'm passing
with flying colors.
Sam, uh, I hate to trouble you,
but do you think I could sleep
in your storage room tonight?
Sure.
Oh, Robin, don't be silly!
You're not gonna
sleep in a storage room.
I have a perfectly
good apartment.
You're gonna stay with me.
Rebecca, you are an angel.
So, Rob,
tell me the truth, you really
don't miss having the big bucks?
Not a bit of it.
Money makes people
greedy, and greed is a disease.
I was a miser.
A sick little squirrel
hiding money belts
filled with millions of
dollars all over the world.
You mean, uh, there were
other ones besides that one
you hid in the desk
in Sam's office?
I-I used to hide them
in pairs, backups,
in case someone
found the first one.
Well, thank God I'm no longer
obsessed by money.
Now all I need is happiness
and companionship.
Uh, do you mind, darling?
I've been walking since Tuesday.
Can we go home now?
Yes. You are inspiration.
And I, too, feel
that money is
the root of all evil
and that friendship
is true gold.
That's why I value your
friendship so much, Robin.
Money! Money!
Money! Money! Money!
So, did anyone
else hear Robin say
that he hides
money belts in pairs?
Uh, I did.
Yeah, but he, uh,
only walked out of here
with one of them.
Uh-huh.
You don't suppose...
Oh, come on, give
me a break, you guys.
I know what you're thinking.
There's no way in hell
that he put another
money belt in this place.
It's ridiculous.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're
right, Sam, I guess.
Damn right I am.
Okay, closing
time! Everybody out!
Come on, I mean it.
We're closed. Get out.
Sammy, it's only ten after 8:00.
Yeah, well, I'm really tired.
Come on, let's
go. Everybody out.
Sam Malone, you know, you
ought to be ashamed of yourself.
As soon as money
enters the picture,
you try to kick
out all your friends.
Now, who was there for
you when Diane left you, huh?
Who was there for you
when this bar b*rned down?
Us, your friends, that's who.
I'm not kidding, get out.
Don't forget, Sam,
that's not your money.
If one of us finds it
and tries to keep it,
the others can blow the whistle.
You guys would
really send me to jail?
In a heartbeat.
Okay, then here's the deal.
This is my bar.
Whoever finds it, I get half.
Huh? What do you say?
Huh?
All right. All right,
sounds reasonable.
And then the other half will
be divided among ourselves.
I suggest that we split into
teams to expedite the search.
Sounds good to me.
Of course it sounds
good to him, he gets half.
What do you think
you're doing, Sam?
I'm gonna read my paper until
one of you brings me my half.
All right. Let's get to work.
Yeah. Let's get to work.
Say, uh, Normie,
does Sammy get
half of what we find
or, uh, half of what
we claim to find?
Oh, what we claim to find.
After all, the guy's
not a mind reader.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, uh, we find
something that's got,
say, $6 million in it, we
only give him $3 million.
Yeah. We call it a
finder's fee, shall we?
Oh, my man.
Yeah...
Let's just call it a
finder's fee, shall we?
♪ ♪
♪ I want money ♪
♪ I want money ♪
♪ I need cash ♪
♪ A whole bunch of cash ♪
♪ I want money. ♪
Here you go.
I'll get you a
couple more pillows
and then you'll be just
as comfy as you can be.
That's good of you, Rebecca.
You know, it must
be awkward for you.
I mean, after all,
we have a history.
Oh, Robin, please
don't bring up the past.
I just feel so ashamed
of the way I used to be.
I was so...
so bratty and so greedy.
I'd just rather
not talk about it.
Why don't you get that
and I'll be right back?
Howe residence. Oh!
Uh, hello, Frasier.
I was just thinking
about how you mentioned
that you used to use,
uh, hidden money belts,
as financial security.
Well, it just so happens
that I have some
valuables that I'd like to hide.
But where?
So I'd like to pick
your brain if I could.
Uh, I know that you favored
the underside of desk drawers,
but, uh, I thought you might
throw out some more ideas.
Pretend that
you're the old Robin.
Uh, uh, Frasier, would
you just hold for a minute?
I have another call coming in.
Hello?
Oh, yeah, hey,
Robin, listen, uh...
yeah, found some
sort of a money belt
and I assume it's yours here,
you know, but I hate
to cause any problems
in case it's not.
So, okay I get it.
Why don't you tell me
where you hid yours
and-and I'll tell you
if that's where I
found this one.
Well, uh, Cliff, I must
admit that I had a penchant
for hiding them
in, uh, ductwork.
You know, that way they'd
be easy to get to and, uh,
impervious to damage.
Oh, uh, great, great, great.
Oh, uh, I guess
this isn't yours.
Okay. Uh, Frasier?
Oh, Robin. Hi.
Yeah. Oh, that's okay.
Uh... Mm-hmm.
Ductwork, you say.
Good-bye.
It's in the ducts.
We're rich. We're rich.
Who was that?
Your friends.
They're tearing apart
your place of work
looking for one of
my money belts. Oh.
Well, don't be too hard on them.
You know, the sad
part is that two years ago
I would have been right
over there with them.
Yeah... But, you gotta admit,
a million dollars
is pretty tempting.
But you're not
tempted anymore, huh?
Oh! No, no, no, not me.
Well, I mean... yes.
It would be nice
because of the good
that you could do with it.
I would love nothing more
than to be able to
spend a lot of money
on my favorite charity.
Which one is that?
Oh, that's the
Children's Boston...
something-something.
You know... you're wonderful.
You know, you really are
a lovely woman, Rebecca.
And, Robin, you are the most
handsome, charming,
sophisticated man I've ever met.
Well, thank you.
Uh, now, if you'll excuse me,
I must go and wash
out my underwear
in the bathroom
sink for tomorrow.
Robin?
Uh-huh?
You didn't by any chance
hide one of those money belts
over here, ever, did you?
Hah. Well, I mean, if I did,
you-you'd be sure to
have found it by now.
I mean, you have cleaned up
in the past two
years, haven't you?
Of course I have.
Be cool. Be cool.
That's it.
There's nothing in the ducts.
We checked the office, the
pool room, the restrooms.
I don't get it.
Unless you two are lying.
Huh?
Just going along
with this duct thing
waiting for us to keel
over with exhaustion.
Oh, yeah?
How do we know that
you two aren't lying?
That's it, Clavin,
you're history, man.
All right. Come on, Tortelli.
Take your best sh*t, huh?
I never liked you anyway.
I only pretended to because
you liked me, obviously.
No, Carla. Carla, no! No!
Stop it. Stop it.
Don't you see? Greed's
turning us into animals.
We've got to behave like
civilized human beings.
All right. All right.
Now...
I've got...
some sodium Pentothal in my car.
If one of you is
lying, we'll know it.
Are you sure you've
looked in all the ducts?
Yeah, we looked in all of them.
Unless they were in the ducts
that b*rned up in the fire.
What are you saying? Six
million bucks went up in smoke?
Aw, it doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I cleaned up
most of that rubble myself.
You know, there would
have been some traces...
A buckle, some burnt
pieces of money, something.
Sam, you're... you're certain
you were alone and
you saw nothing?
Now, listen, go back
in your mind's eye.
All right. Yeah.
All right, I, uh,
came running in.
Everything was
charred and moist,
and I sweeped up a little bit
and there was some wood,
some glass, some metal.
Oh, yeah, then captain, uh...
a fire captain came in
and asked me... A fire captain?
Oh, yeah.
Captain Dobbins.
He was there when I
came in in the morning.
Yeah, well, I think we
have our answer. Hmm.
Hi.
Let me speak to Captain Dobbins.
Oh, he retired, did he?
Hah!
Six months ago?!
Thank you
very much.
Apparently the good captain
has come into some money.
That crook stole our dough.
Yeah. Gotta get him down here.
Yeah. How? We just
can't give him a call
and ask him to drop on by.
Yeah. Yeah, what
are we gonna do?
Leave this to me, Sam. Oh.
I happen to know some
people who can handle
this kind of thing,
no questions asked.
Might cost us a little,
but they do good work.
Hi. It's Mommy.
Wake up your brothers.
Robin,
do you ever think about us?
Well, I have to
admit, Rebecca, yes.
Sometimes I do.
I have to tell you that
since we broke up...
a day has not gone by
that I haven't regretted it.
It-It was the biggest
mistake of my life.
Do you really feel that way?
Yeah, I do.
Robin, take me back.
Please?
I want to be with you.
And I know you don't
have any money, and that's fine.
Let's just go around
the world together.
I don't want to have
any material things.
I'll just, I'll just pack a bag
of some, a few meager things,
and some makeup essentials
and... and then we'll
travel around together.
You'd really give up
everything for me?
Oh, yeah. You bet
your booty I would.
I wouldn't make
that mistake twice.
Rebecca, I'd love to have
you share my journeys with me.
Robin.
Oh.
But, let, uh, there's, um,
just-just one thing
I have to tell you.
How much? I mean, go ahead.
You see, occasionally, I, um,
I supplement my meager
lifestyle by stealing.
I did some time
for that in Louisiana.
We may have to
run from the police,
sleep under bridges,
eat out of garbage cans.
Oh, Robin, cut the crap.
I said I would go away with
you, yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda.
Now, let's get real.
Uh, what are you talking about?
I'm talking about,
you wanted to know
if I would still love
you if you were poor,
and I would, so
we've settled that.
So how much money do you have?
$30 million? $40 million?
You mean all this time you
thought I was still wealthy
and that's why you've
been so kind to me?
You haven't changed
a bit, have you?
You haven't matured.
You're still the same selfish,
gold digger you always were.
I'm poor. Do you understand?
Destitute. I have
to shoplift for food.
Sometimes I even
have to beg for money.
Ten million?
Zero.
I'm poor.
And I have no desire
ever to be rich again.
You're not kidding, are
you? No, I'm not kidding.
If my prediction is correct,
you'll find that your
affection for me
has suddenly
disappeared. Oh, no.
No, it has not. I
still care a great...
Who am I kidding?
Oh, God.
I haven't changed
one bit in two years.
Yeah, well, I can't say
I'm not disappointed.
Robin, I'm so sorry.
Please... Good-bye.
Good-bye, Rebecca.
Good-bye, Robin.
Thanks, kids!
Now wipe down the car,
ditch it and get right to bed!
It's a school night!
Oh, Sam. Thank God!
Do you know this person?
Shut up, moneybags.
Sammy, guess who's
living in a brand-new house.
Oh, a new house and retirement.
You've got a lot of
explaining to do, buster.
What are you talking about?
Maybe you would like to tell us
how you got rich six months ago.
Mm-hmm.
My grandmother passed away.
Do you mind?
We happen to know
there was a money belt
hidden in one of those air ducts
in that wall that b*rned down,
and that money disappeared
right around the same time
your grandma so
conveniently checked out.
Mm-hmm.
So, what have you
got to say there...
Mr. Tr*mp? Hmm?
This is ridiculous.
I don't know anything
about a money belt.
I have half a mind to call
the police on all of you.
Oh... Oh... I'm terrified.
Aw, Captain, Captain.
You know, I think we
can straighten this all out.
Why don't you and me just
take a little walk into the office?
Oh... What are you doing?
Right over there.
Go on in there with Carla.
Oh, what are you doing?
My God. Look at you people.
Robin.
Look at your bar, Sam.
In your greedy desire to
obtain a nonexistent money belt,
you destroyed what was
most important to you.
Excuse me. What was that
word right before "money belt"?
Nonexistent.
Fictitious.
Uh, mythic.
Nothing?
Not even like a
small change purse?
Nothing. And here
you've torn apart your bar.
I'll bet you turned
on each other, too.
How many side deals
did you have going?
Oh.
Oh, Robin, man, how
could you do this to us?
To show you what
money can do to a person.
You all despised me
when I was wealthy.
You didn't understand that I was
victim of an illness... greed.
But now you do understand,
because all of you here tonight
have fallen victim
to that same illness.
Hopefully you've all
learned something.
And that's why I did what I did.
Uh...
plus, uh, I never
really liked you.
Ta.
Yeah, I have to
admit, Robin's right.
Look what we've
done to this place.
To each other.
Look what we've become.
Yeah. Boy, I tell you,
money makes people do
strange things, doesn't it?
Has anybody seen Robin?
Yeah, he just left.
Honey, it turns out
there wasn't a money belt.
He really is poor.
He tried to tell me that,
too, and I almost bought it.
Well, good-bye, you poor,
pathetic, boring losers.
I'm a-movin' on up.
Well, I suppose we should
try to clean up this mess
and put all that
nonsense behind us.
Well, I suppose we all
learned something, huh?
No harm came of
it, though, I guess.
You know... a few
things got broken,
but no one really got hurt.
That's hot!
Robin, you are so good.
What are we really
waiting for, a limo?