06x02 - Andy's Rival

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

hello.

Cornmeal.

Oh, good.

What you fixin'?

Zucchini casserole.

Oh, good. Helen will like that.

Hey, she called me today and asked if it'd be all right

if she brought somebody to supper with her.

It's some woman that works on the raleigh school board.

Said she'd be here for a couple of weeks.

Of course.

I told her it'd be all right.

I guess she got stuck with her.

If anybody gets stuck with anybody, helen always does.

No, it's not that.

It's that she's very thoughtful and kind.

Well, yeah.

Helen is a sweet girl. She really is.

Yeah, she's that.

You're lucky to have a girl like helen, andy.

Hmm, you're right about that.

Attractive,

and pleasant, and intelligent.

Mmm-hmm.

Of course, helen is lucky to have you, too.

[Chuckling] oh, well, I don't know about that.

No, I mean that, andy.

You're one of the town leaders

and you're handsome and intelligent.

And pleasant.

Well, all right, make fun of it,

but I think you and helen are a perfect blend.

Well, thank you.

And I guess she feels the same way.

She hasn't kept company with anybody

for a long time now, has she?

Not that I know of.

You and helen ever talked about anything seriously?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You have?

Oh, sure. Every now and then we talk about the government

and taxes and different things.

Well, you better talk about you and her.

Girls have been lost before, you know.

Well, I know.

All right. Now, don't you tell me that I haven't warned you.

Ok, I won't.

And you know what else helen would like? Hmm?

Some of that punch supreme. Do you remember that recipe?

Oh, yeah. I haven't made that in a long time.

Is there any orange sherbet? Yes. In the icebox.

Ok.

Uh, let's see. Orange sherbet,

tomato juice,

root beer.

The, ah... Now, any molasses?

On the shelf. Oh, ok.

Andy?

Hi.

(Helen) hi.

Where's your friend?

Oh, just getting something out of the car. Hmm.

Oh, andy, I'd like you to know

frank smith of the school board.

Great pleasure.

I thought you were a woman.

Well, I don't think so.

Ah, there you are and right on time.

Aunt bee, uh, this is frank smith.

I thought you were a woman.

[Chuckling] oh, no.

I'd like to clear that up now. I'm not a woman.

[Chuckling] no. That's ok.

Actually, it's good.

Uh, well, it's nice of you having me here this evening.

No, not at all. Oh, sure.

My little contribution to the dinner.

Oh, what a pretty bottle.

You didn't have to do that. Wine?

Pouilly-fuisse.

Hmm, of course, it says so, right here on the bottle.

Well, uh, come in.

Oh, oh, thanks, thanks.

Come in and we'll sit down.

[Door closing]

oh, uh... No, you... You go ahead. You're... You're company.

I'll just, uh... [Chuckling]

funny how we all thought you were a woman.

[All laughing]

so, you're on the school board up in raleigh, huh?

Oh, that's... That's right.

Must take a lot of education and training

for a job like that.

Oh, well, frank has a ph.d.

Oh, good.

Andy makes a wonderful punch.

Everybody's just crazy about it.

Why don't you serve your punch supreme now, andy?

Well, no. Now that we've got the wine...

Oh, what's wrong with serving both the punch and this...

Pouilly-fuisse.

Wine, hmm?

We'll forget about the punch.

Uh, how are you enjoyin' your stay in mayberry, uh, frank?

Oh, fine. It's just a lovely little town.

We like it.

Frank says it's wonderful being here

after living in a big city like raleigh.

Yes, I don't know. Raleigh seems to be growing bigger

and more impersonal every year.

I'm afraid it's becoming an embryonic megalopolis.

I guess it could.

Well, we'll just see that you relax while you're here.

I understand you're here for just a brief stay, hmm?

Uh, yes, unless circumstances should keep me here longer.

We've got a lot of work to do.

Oh.

Oh, I learned something today, andy.

Did you know that mayberry's just crawling with history?

No, I didn't know that.

Frank was telling me about it.

Yes, those houses you have along north avenue,

uh, they date back to early th century.

You mean, the houses where the bricks are fallin' off?

That's right.

Most of the houses along there are definitely antebellum.

Oh.

Pretty hard to prove, I imagine.

No, no. Not at all.

The architecture is definitely of that period,

and the bricks, and the mortar, uh...

They're old houses, all right. Beautiful.

Frank was a history major at college.

Oh, good.

Andy, didn't you mention something about the history of mayberry

in that speech you made?

What speech was that?

Your valedictory address at mayberry high.

Remember when I came for your graduation?

That was a wonderful speech all about history.

I don't remember it.

Well, I do. Practically every word.

"Fellow students, members of the faculty,

"honored guests..." Aunt bee.

"We who are going forth

"into the world are fully aware of our responsibilities

"to our country and to mayberry.

"Mayberry, whose glory and history..."

Don't you think, uh, supper's ready?

Hmm. Yeah.

Another piece of pie, mr. Smith?

Oh, no, thanks.

It was a delicious meal, though, miss taylor.

Thank you.

Well, why don't you all go and then sit in the living room.

Oh, here, I'll help you with the dishes.

No, no, nonsense. I'm just going to stack them. Andy.

Oh, uh, opie, why don't you entertain our guests?

I'll give aunt bee a hand. Ok, pa.

You know anything about baseball, mr. Smith?

I play on the team at school and we got a big game tomorrow.

I would've thought helen would have mentioned he was a man.

Maybe she did and I didn't hear her or something.

He's rather nice-looking, isn't he?

Well, yeah.

Well, why don't you speak up more?

I don't have a lot to say. Oh!

It was nice of him to bring the wine, wasn't it?

Yes, but I don't think there's any need of any foreign drinks in mayberry.

He certainly has a lot of information, doesn't he?

Well, so do you. Why don't you speak up more often?

I'm not gonna get right up on my hind legs

and start talkin'. He's got a college degree.

Well, that's the trouble with people like that. They're bookish.

They only know one subject. Like history.

Talk about anything else and they're helpless.

Absolutely helpless.

(Frank) to throw a curve, you put your middle finger

on the outside seam of the ball,

and then you snap your wrist when you let go the ball.

That's the way a big leaguer throws a curve.

(Opie) boy, that's neat.

I'll try that tomorrow.

Gee, pa, mr. Smith sure knows all about pitchin'.

Oh, wonderful.

You were a good baseball player, weren't you, andy?

Well, i... I played, like everybody else did.

He's just being modest.

I remember how you used to bat that ball.

He used to bat it clear out of sight no matter how I threw it.

Mr. Smith pitched when he was in college. Didn't you?

Well, I was just a relief pitcher. I wasn't very good.

But, gee, if you pitched in college and everything.

Opie, if mr. Smith says he wasn't any good, it's not yours to question.

Uh, listen, it's such a nice, uh, evening,

why don't we just go out on the porch?

Ok. Don't you have some homework to do?

Well, yeah, I guess so.

Oh, I'll let you in on something, opie.

We have an arithmetic test tomorrow.

There is? Mmm-hmm. Fractions.

Gosh!

You can come down later and say goodnight.

[Laughing]

well, uh, uh, shall we go out there

on the porch? Fine, fine.

Aunt bee, you comin'?

Yes. In a few minutes.

[Crickets chirping]

certainly is a beautiful evening.

Yes, it is. It sure is.

[Aunt bee strumming guitar]

I think it'd be nice if we had some music.

Play something for us, andy.

He plays so beautifully.

Uh, not now, aunt bee.

Well, frank, didn't you say you played the guitar?

Oh, it's been a long time.

Well, it's all yours, frank.

Play somethin' for us.

Well, it's been a long time.

It's a nice guitar.

[Tuning guitar]

well, you asked for it.

♪ [Flamenco guitar playing]

oh, frank, you're wonderful.

There you are, andy.

Wow.

Well, I couldn't play after he did. He's an expert.

Oh, just because somebody knows a whole lot of chords

and plays fast doesn't make them an expert.

You play with feeling. Oh, what are you trying to prove?

Well, I don't know why you insist

hiding your light under a bushel.

I'm not hidin' anything.

Well, it's just that a man like frank

can come along and turn a girl's head.

Well, maybe helen was just being cordial.

Tryin' to make him feel comfortable.

Well, that's no reason for you to take a back seat.

[Sighing]

and I'm certain you remember that

valedictory address. You just didn't want to.

Could we talk about somethin' else?

All right with me.

After all, I'm the last person in the world to interfere.

There's a kind of a groan in there

when you get her up around .

Groan?

Well, that don't give me much of a clue.

Well, it's a noise.

Noise.

You sure don't know much about cars, do you?

No, goober, I don't know anything about cars.

Well, that's the way it is, I guess.

Some do and some don't.

Take that new fella over at the school, that frank smith.

You know what he used to be?

An auto racer. How'd you know that?

I just did. Hey, listen.

He drove in here and I raised up the hood of his car

and he looked right at the motor and said,

"I need a gasket for my fuel pump."

How about that? He could tell just by looking. Wonderful.

He's got brains. He's smart enough to work in a gas station.

What about my car, goober?

He's good-lookin', too.

I bet he could get a date with any girl in town he wanted to

and he wouldn't have to put grease on his hair, neither.

Boy, I'd hate for lydia to meet up with him. That'd worry me to death.

What about my car, goober?

Huh? Oh, why don't you bring it in sometime

when you can leave it for an hour or

and I'll try to find out what's wrong with it.

If I can't, I'll ask that frank. He'll find it.

[Door opening]

hi, pa.

Well, how was school? Fine.

Say, pa, can I be a schoolteacher when I grow up?

Schoolteacher? Why do you wanna be a schoolteacher?

Well, I was just talkin' to mr. Smith.

Boy, he's smart.

He's gonna show us how to build an electric motor

that really works.

With wires and everything.

Boy, is he smart. Miss crump thinks so, too.

Oh, she does?

Yeah. A bunch of us were havin' lunch together.

Boy, is he smart.

You said that.

So, can I be a teacher when I grow up, pa?

Yeah, you can be a teacher. Go home.

Ok, pa. Bye.

Sarah, if anybody's lookin' for me,

I'll be over at the schoolhouse.

Yes, sarah, I already met him.

Yeah.

I agree with you.

No question about it.

He's the smartest man I ever met.

Hi.

Oh, hi. What a nice surprise.

I was just patrollin' up this way,

thought I'd stop by.

Why, I'm very glad you did.

What, you're workin' on school papers, huh?

Oh, yeah, I'm just trying to get a little ahead on my grading.

Good. I hope that means you'll have a little free time tonight.

Oh, we usually have our middle-of-the-week date on thursdays.

Oh, I know, but they got a new movie showin' tonight.

Oh?

Yeah. the monster from mars.

oh, I wouldn't wanna miss that.

No.

You know, I didn't even know they had monsters on mars.

Well, you see, you learn somethin' new every day.

Uh, helen...

Oh, hello, andy. Hi, frank.

Oh, I certainly did enjoy last evening.

Well, I'm awfully glad.

Say, i... I... I'm not interrupting anything here, am i?

Oh, no. I was just patrollin' up this way.

Well, helen, this will just take a minute

and then I'll get out of your hair.

Oh. You go ahead.

This is a new, uh, watkins grading manual. Just arrived from raleigh.

Mr. Twyford's anxious for you and the other teachers

to look it over before you mark any other papers.

(Helen) ok, fine.

This is, uh, maple, isn't it?

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

A japanese maple isn't too common in this part of the country.

Oh?

Oh, they do have the typical estipulate leaves.

(Helen) oh, there's quite a bit of this kind around mayberry.

Uh, one of my little girls brings it in to me.

You know, there's some mighty interesting clouds out there.

Cumulus, I believe they're called.

Lot of water.

Yes, those are interesting clouds.

Cumulus, pretty.

Just wondering, though, whether they're cirrocumulus or altocumulus.

How's that?

Well, they're quite similar,

but the cirrocumulus are bit puffier

and sometimes contain ice crystals.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess I better get back to the office.

I'll talk to you later, helen.

Ok, fine. Thank you, frank.

Nice seeing you again, andy. Right.

Boy, he sure is a sharp guy, ain't he?

Oh, yes, he is.

[Sighing]

well, I guess I better get on back.

They'll think I'm in adult education.

Well, uh, I'll pick you up, then, about : ?

Mmm, fine.

Now, don't you be late. We don't want to keep the monsters waiting.

Then maybe I better get over there by : .

[Whistling]

hey, goober.

Hey, andy, how you doin'?

Top of the world, goober. Top of the world.

Hmm? Huh? So I can...

[Whistling]

wanna go to the movie tonight? I'm free.

No, no, goober, I'm sorry.

I got a date with helen tonight.

On wednesday?

Certainly, on wednesday.

Well, I might go alone.

Where you reckon you'll be sittin'?

By ourselves.

[Sighing]

why don't you take lydia?

I had a date with her, claimed she had a headache.

Oh, a little competition, huh?

Well, I've been thinkin' about that.

You know james arthur beaslo over at the butcher shop? Yeah.

I think he's sweet on her.

Well, he's a tall, good-lookin' guy.

Ain't nothin' but a showoff.

You know, rolls his sleeves of his t-shirt clear up to his shoulders

so you can see the muscles when he's slicin' the roast.

The other night he delivered

some lamb chops over at lydia's house,

and his truck stayed out front from : to : .

And you know he wasn't delivering lamb chops for no hours.

[Sighing] well, goober,

I'll tell you.

You can take it from a guy that knows women,

and knows the man-woman relationship.

Things look bad right now

but the sun's gonna shine in your back door someday.

[Whistling]

♪ and kiss her once for me ♪

well.

[Sighing]

[sniffing]

well, my, aren't you the fashion plate?

Well, no more than any other night when I'm goin' out.

Isn't that a new tie, andy?

Well, yeah, I just, uh,

picked up the first one off the rack.

What time are you gonna meet helen?

Oh, a few minutes yet.

Oh, my goodness, did you see what time it is?

Well, this is taking a lot longer than I thought.

Oh, and I have a date with andy tonight.

Did you say that mr. Twyford had to see the results of this system

at tomorrow morning's meeting?

Well, he did say that, but if you have a date...

Oh, no, we, uh, we better stay

and get this finished now.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll go call andy.

And then after... After the movie

I thought maybe we'd go at the elks club and dance.

Well, now, that sounds nice.

But, andy, if I were you, I'd talk up a little more.

[Groaning] well, talk about things you know about.

Bowling, anything.

Mmm, yeah.

[Telephone ringing]

oh, that's probably clara edwards about the social.

Hello?

Oh, hi, honey,

I was just fixin' to come over and pick you up.

Oh.

Oh, well, no, I can understand that.

Oh, sure, those things can happen.

Right, right.

All right, bye.

[Sighing]

she has to work.

With frank?

It's that grading manual.

Oh, dear, and you got all dressed up and everything.

Hmm.

Well, I guess I'll just call up goober.

He said somethin' about going to the movies.

Shame to waste a clean shirt.

[Clears throat]

you wanna know somethin'? What?

Them monsters from mars wasn't no different from the monsters from the moon.

remember that? Yeah.

The only difference is these monsters had sets of teeth.

Moon monsters only got . Yeah.

Not what you'd think. Mmm-hmm.

Well, here it is quarter to .

Feel like doin' anything?

Like what? You wanna go to jasper?

I hear they got a new tractor display over there.

It's really worth seein'.

No, I don't think so, goober.

I wanna catch that before it closes.

Well, listen, if you wanna go...

It ain't no fun goin' alone. Hmm.

Well,

[sighing] I'll tell you what, goober.

Oh.

I guess you're figurin' on calling helen.

See if she's finished work.

No. She'll be busy all evenin'. What I was gonna say is,

you feel like havin' a hamburger?

Hey, that's a good idea.

[Chuckling] that popcorn don't stay with you too long.

Listen, andy, if you don't wanna go see them tractors with me,

well, maybe I'll ask that frank to go.

You know, he sure is smart.

Well, hey, frank, we was just talkin' about you.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, uh, goober, you know frank?

Yeah, hi. Hi, goober.

Uh, andy. Frank.

Helen. Oh, andy.

There's plenty of room. Sit down.

Ok.

[Chuckling]

all right. We'll sit right down.

How are you doin'? Fine, andy.

We've been over at school, working.

Oh, good.

Was you two at school by yourselves?

Well, most of the teachers were there, earlier.

Oh, it's that new grading system.

Oh, it's excellent. It's just excellent.

We... We've been working on it all evening.

I guess you have to stay right with a thing like that.

Oh, it's a lot of work.

Yeah, you've got to stay right with it.

Oh, you can say that again.

I always thought they closed the school building at : .

Well, they do, goober,

unless one of the teachers is involved in something...

Working or... Grading.

Grading. Grading.

Uh, we finished a little earlier than we expected,

and we thought we'd have a bite. That's right.

Now, I guess you can get hungry.

What did you two do?

Well, we...

We went to see the monster from mars.

trouble is, when you see one monster, you've seen 'em all.

I think andy would have enjoyed it more

if you'd been sittin' next to him instead of me, though.

I'll have a hamburger

with ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, pickle and onions,

french fries on the side and a orange to drink. What you want, andy?

Just coffee. He'll just have coffee.

[Clears throat]

well, this sure has been a nice evenin'.

[Goober chuckling]

say, andy, they change the movie tomorrow night.

If helen and frank have to work again...

Oh, no, no. We're through. Done. We've got it all wrapped up.

Same dress they were getting $ . For it down the street.

It's a nicer store, I know. But I'll never go there again.

It isn't $ worth of nicer.

And it's just this plain little dress.

Buttons down the front, short sleeves...

You like him, don't you?

What?

Frank smith, that's what.

Oh, andy.

You sure finished work early, didn't you?

What are you accusing me of?

I'm not accusing you of anythin'.

I said you finished work early.

Yes, we did finish work early.

Now, what are you trying to get at?

Nothin'. Not a thing in this world.

All I know is I went over to the schoolhouse

and I asked you for a date

and you said, "we usually have our middle-of-the-week date on thursday"

and you finally consented to give me a date,

and then you called me up and said you had to work on that blamed grading manual,

so I called up goober and he went to the movies with me

and, we went in the diner to get somethin' to eat

and there you're, sittin' on the same side of the booth with frank.

Yes, we usually do have our middle-of-the-week date on thursday,

and, yes, we did have to work late. Yeah.

And, yes, we did finish the blamed grading manual early,

and we went to have something to eat and had a nice chat,

and what's the matter with that? Nothin'.

Nothin' in the whole world the matter with that.

I'm just tryin' to figure out where I stand.

I mean, if you wanna run with me, you can run with me.

And if you wanna run with him, you can run with him.

Just, kind of, make up your mind.

[Crickets chirping]

well, let me tell you something about frank smith.

He happens to be a very pleasant man who works very hard.

Hmm.

And he happens to have a great deal of knowledge. Yeah.

And he happens to be very pleasant to talk to.

And that's where it begins and that's where it ends.

And if you insist on referring to going out with somebody

by such a vulgar term as "running with,"

then, yes, I will decide with whom I will and will not run.

Andy, you came over here accusing me

of all sorts of irregularities and I think... Well...

Well, I just don't think that you have the right

to interfere in my own personal life.

Who I go out with happens to be my own personal... Well, well...

I'll go out with whomever i...

And what's more, i...

(Goober) I thought I saw y'all.

I just remembered the movie, the anteaters from outer space.

I'll ask frank if he wants to go.

(Bee) did he get off all right?

Oh, yes. He took the : train.

He was a nice fellow, you know that? Wasn't he?

He was so interesting.

I thoroughly enjoyed that evening he spent with us.

Yes.

Too bad he couldn't stay a little longer

and give us a chance to have him over again.

We might get another chance.

He's comin' back in about a month

to check the results of that gradin' system.

Oh? Mmm-hmm.

Might as well have him over the first night he's in town.

Yes, of course.

Wanna listen to a little music?

Oh, fine. Hmm.

[Sighing]

andy, I'm certain you remember your valedictory address.

Why don't you do it for helen? I know she'd enjoy it.

Fellow students,

members of the faculty, honored guests.

We who are going forth into the world...