06x08 - Taylors in Hollywood

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

would you like some coffee or a cold drink?

No, thank you. No. No, thank you.

Sweet, isn't she? Yes, she is.

Hey, pa, look down there.

How do they get everything in such nice, neat little squares?

I don't know, but it sure is pretty, isn't it? Yeah.

(Pilot) attention, ladies and gentlemen,

we will arrive at the los angeles international airport

in approximately minutes.

The temperature in los angeles is a warm degrees.

We hope you've had a pleasant trip,

and we hope to be able to serve you again in the very near future.

Thank you.

Minutes, pa. We're almost there.

Sure are. Andy, I'm getting nervous.

Why?

Well, los angeles is such a big city and... It's frightening.

Oh, don't be frightened.

We're gonna have a good time.

Nice weeks in hollywood.

Be fun.

Hey, pa, there goes another grown-up lady in trousers.

And gold shoes. My stars!

Somehow it seems all right out here,

but I'd sure hate to see a thing like that in mayberry.

Mayberry? You folks aren't from mayberry, north carolina?

Yeah, you heard of it?

Heard of it? I'm from ruby creek.

You're not! Did you hear that, aunt bee?

He's from ruby creek.

You're not? Yes.

Well, bless your heart. How long you been out here?

Since the w*r.

I was in the service out here

and just never went home. Oh.

You folks out here on vacation? Well, yeah, sort of.

And also, they're makin' a movie about my pa.

No, a movie? Well, how about that?

Are you a famous person or somethin'?

Well, no. Just a sheriff.

It's called sheriff without a g*n.

The way it happened was this:

there was an article in the sheriff's magazine about andy,

and the movie people decided to make a picture of it.

We're usin' the money they paid pa to take this trip.

Well, what do you think of that?

I bet the folks back in mayberry are pretty excited about it.

Oh, indeed. You should have seen the send-off they gave us.

Mister, do you drive for this bus company, too?

Well, I sure do, son. I'm just headin' home now.

Could you tell me, are we gonna pass the la brea tar pits?

No, not on this route.

The brown derby? No.

Or marineland?

No. That's outside of town. We're just goin' down sunset boulevard.

We'll go to marineland another time.

There's, uh, lots of interesting things to see around here.

Right over there's dean martin's restaurant.

(Andy) oh.

And that's the famous schwab's drugstore,

where a whole lot of movie stars were discovered.

(Aunt bee) oh. (Andy) oh, yes.

And what's this over here?

(Man) oh, that's one of those go-go places,

where the people twist and swim and jerk.

Oh, the poor folks.

You folks stayin' here at the blair house?

No, we're goin' to the piedmont hotel. Is it far?

No, just a few blocks. It's the last stop. Oh.

Do we pass any movie stars' homes on the way?

No, I'm afraid not, son.

Looks like you folks are the only ones goin' on to the piedmont.

Yeah. It looks like.

So, you wanna see some movie stars' homes, huh, son?

Yeah.

Well, I think I can arrange that.

Hey, joe, drive up beverly drive.

I've got some folks here who want to see a movie star's home.

Oh... Wow.

Well, there it is.

(Andy) my goodness.

Oh, my.

(Andy) well, that is some house, isn't it?

(Aunt bee) oh.

How'd you like to live in a place like that?

(Andy) oh, that'd really be somethin'.

(Aunt bee) cesar romero lives here? Really and truly?

That's right. Right there in that house.

(Andy) well, that sure is somethin' to see.

Hey, pa, there's his paper.

[Birds chirping]

looks just like the mayberry paper, don't it, pa?

Yeah. It's a lot thicker, though.

(Aunt bee) opie.

Gee, just think, in a few minutes

he'll be readin' that paper. Yeah.

This grass has just been seeded.

Would you people mind getting off the lawn, please?

(Andy) oh, yes, uh, excuse us.

We were just, uh, we were just looking at his paper.

Gee, wait till I tell the kids at school.

Cesar romero's maid told us to get off the lawn. In person!

Oh. Isn't this lovely?

It sure is.

Is this where we're gonna live, pa?

Yes, sir, ope. For the next weeks this'll be our home.

Oh, boy!

This suite overlooks the pool, you know. It does? Where?

Out here. Oh.

Well, you've got to stand over here, sir.

See over there? You can see the diving board.

Where? Over there.

Oh! Oh, I see a little...

Oh, yes, that's nice, isn't it? Yeah.

Could we go for a swim, pa?

I don't know why not.

I'll put the lady's luggage in this bedroom,

all right? Ok.

Yeah, those , yes. Right here?

[Whispering]

[door opening]

oh, this is the air conditioner over here.

If it gets too warm for you, just set this dial to where you want it.

Oh, all right.

Well, if there's anything else, just call room service.

Thank you.

Um... Oh!

Thank you. Oh, thanks very much.

Oh, just a minute, sir.

Could I ask you a favor?

Certainly, ma'am.

Could I take your picture?

Huh? Take my picture?

Well, I'm trying to keep a complete record of our vacation.

Oh. For the folks back home.

And then I could say to the ladies, "that's our bellboy."

Yeah, well, ok. Why not? Where do you want me?

Well, let's see.

Oh, that's awfully pretty. Would that be all right?

Oh, yes. Certainly. Go on, opie, opie.

Andy, you stand on the other side there.

Get... Get close together. (Bellboy) here.

No, no. You get in the middle. No, no, no. You get in the middle.

There you are. All set? Yeah.

Ready and... Oh, aunt bee,

why don't you come and stand here and I'll take the picture?

Oh, no, no.

Yeah, sure, sure, aunt bee.

If you're in the picture the ladies will know I'm really your bellboy.

That's right. Now, you come over here and stand.

All right. There you go, andy. That's right.

Now, you come here. Yeah, that's it.

Now, you stay... There we are. Here, get right in there.

No, no, no! You get in the middle.

There we are. Now, when i...

Just a second. Just a second. Ok.

Ready? When I say "cheese," everybody say "cheese."

And "cheese."

(All) cheese!

There we are.

Well, thank you so much.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you.

And I hope you have a very nice time while you're here.

Well... Thank you.

I'll put these bags... Oh, no, I'll... I'll get those.

Oh, fine. Oh, excuse me.

Goodbye.

Y-you come up any time. Thank you!

[Door closing]

oh, wasn't he nice? Wasn't he nice?

Oh.

[Sighs]

isn't this something! Hmm.

[Bee sighs happily]

well, here we are in hollywood.

Well, what do we do, pa? Oh, I don't know.

We might go sightseein',

a little shoppin'... How 'bout a swim?

Well...

Oh, andy, I think the first thing you'd better do

is to go and call those movie people.

Oh, can't I do that later?

Andy, that's not polite.

If they came to mayberry and they didn't call you, how would you feel?

Mmm, well, yeah.

Don't forget, we wouldn't be having this vacation if it wasn't for them.

We might at least say thank you. Go on.

Well, I suppose I should.

But, gee, I mean, I don't even know who to ask for.

Well, ask for somebody in charge.

Well, all right.

[Clears throat]

uh, operator, would you get me belmont pictures?

Thank you.

I feel kind of foolish, you know.

Well, you shouldn't be. They'll be delighted to hear from you.

Well, I don't know about that.

Hello, belmont pictures?

Could I speak with the person in charge?

He's in egypt?

Well, this is andy taylor.

And... Hello? Hello?

What's the matter? I don't know.

Wh-wh-who is this?

The tailor shop?

No, no. No, there's been a mistake. See, my name is andy taylor.

Yes, and... And, uh, i... I would like to speak to somebody

that's in charge of that picture that they're making, sheriff without a g*n.

Yeah, I'll hold on. Yeah.

[Clears throat]

hello. Uh, this is andy taylor.

I'm the fella that they're makin' that movie about, sheriff without a g*n,

and I'd like to speak with somebody in charge.

Yeah, I'll hold on.

Well, it's a big place, andy. Yeah.

Uh, who is this?

Tailor shop again. Would you get me the operator?

Operator, this is andy taylor.

Now, I'm the taylor they're makin' that movie about:

sheriff without a g*n.

I just called up to be polite and if anybody's interested,

we're stayin' at the piedmont hotel, room . Goodbye.

Told you nobody's interested.

Come on, ope. Let's go for a swim.

♪ [Andy humming]

[phone ringing]

hello?

Is andy taylor there?

Oh, I see.

This wouldn't be aunt bee, would it?

Well, it's nice to talk to you, aunt bee.

This is a.j. Considine.

I'm the director of sheriff without a g*n.

Oh! Oh. Oh!

I'm sorry that mr. Taylor's call got misdirected.

I had no idea that you folks were in town.

Well, we are! We are.

Well, this is really an unexpected pleasure.

What are you folks doing now?

Well, I was just going to write a letter to one of the smedley sisters,

and andy and opie are down in the pool.

Well, I was just wondering if you folks wouldn't like to come over to the studio.

The studio... The movie studio?

Yes, and we'd sure like to have you.

We've started the picture and we're sh**ting a couple of scenes today

that you might enjoy watching.

Uh, that is, if you're not too busy.

Oh, no, no, we're not busy! Goodness, no. No, we're not busy at all.

I'll leave a pass for you at the gate,

and you can drive out any time you want.

Fine. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Andy! Opie!

Come quick! We're going to the movie studio!

Uh, taylor. Yeah. T-a-y...

They gave me the tailor shop.

I had the same trouble.

Uh, what? Yeah. Right, ok.

They're on stage . You know where that is?

Oh, no. Come on, I'll show you.

Ok. Right over here.

[Wheels rattling]

gosh, pa, is this a movie studio?

I guess it is, ope.

It's so big.

Uh, can I help you folks?

Oh, uh, i... Yeah. I'm, uh, sheriff taylor,

and this is my aunt bee and this is, uh, my son, opie.

Oh, oh! Oh, sheriff taylor?

Yes. Well, we've been expecting you.

Uh, I'm al saunders, the assistant director, and I'll...

I'll get mr. Considine for you.

Mr. Considine! He'll be right here.

Well, this is, uh, where you're makin' the picture, is it?

Oh, yes, yes. Yes, it is.

Well, you certainly do use a lot of people.

Oh, yes, we do. Yes.

What's that? That's mayberry.

The background for the picture.

Mayberry? Yeah, sure.

Well, mayberry doesn't look like that.

Mayberry's a nice, clean town with nice, clean houses.

Oh, oh, oh, yes, I'm... I'm sure it is.

Uh...

Well, if, uh, you folks will excuse me?

Well, sheriff taylor, how are you?

Fine.

Oh, I'm a.j. Considine. Hello, aunt bee. Oh, oh.

This must be opie. It's opie.

[Chuckling]

well, I'm sure glad you folks could make it. You're just in time, too.

We're gonna sh**t a big scene in a few minutes.

Oh, good!

Uh, say, I'd like you to meet our star, the man who's playing you.

Oh, yes!

Yes, I'm very anxious to meet him.

Oh, he's an awfully nice person, and perfect for the part.

Good.

Um, bryan?

(Considine) oh, bryan bender?

Come here for a minute, will you?

Hello, there.

Oh, bryan, I'd like you to meet the real sheriff taylor.

Well, how do you do, sheriff?

And this is aunt bee.

Hello. And opie.

Well, it's certainly a pleasure meeting all of you.

Especially you, sheriff.

It's always so helpful meeting the man you're portraying.

And you, young man! My, what a nice-looking little chap!

[Talking gibberish]

now, you see, he's got his wig on now. That's better, isn't it?

But he still looks nothing like you, andy.

Well, it's just a picture. What do they need an actor that looks like me for?

Well, when they made a movie of abraham lincoln,

they found an actor who looked like abraham lincoln.

That's different. Everybody knows who he is.

Pa? Hmm?

Is that supposed to be the sheriff's office?

It sure don't look like the sheriff's office to me.

Well, mr. Considine explained that.

He said they had to take some liberties

in order to make the picture more interesting.

Oh, I don't know about this picture, andy.

Oh, the way they dress, and the town.

And the actors?

Oh, aunt bee.

Oh, I just hope they don't make it silly and exaggerate things.

If they do, the people in mayberry

are gonna be awfully disappointed.

Well, I'm sure that... (Man) look, are we ready, al?

(Al) yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, quiet on the set!

Places, everybody! We're going for a take.

[Bell ringing]

(al) ok.

Uh, we're ready, mr. Considine. Fine.

All right, roll it!

Speed.

Action!

Sheriff taylor! Sheriff taylor, where are you?

Here I am.

(Considine) cut. Cut.

[Bell ringing]

mr. Taylor, i... Oh, I'm...

Oh, I'm s... I'm sorry.

(Considine) ok.

Let's try it again, folks. Now, quiet on the set.

(Al) all right, roll it!

Action.

Sheriff taylor! Sheriff taylor, where are you?

(Bender) what is it, george?

The calhoun brothers are just across the street.

And it looks like they mean business.

I think they're plannin' on springin' harry out of jail.

They'll have to k*ll me first.

I think that's what they got in mind, sheriff.

Sheriff! Hmm?

You gotta wear a g*n!

Never.

Andy... Shh!

Well, here come the calhoun brothers.

If you know what's good for you, sheriff, you better turn me loose.

Relax.

[Door closing]

andy, you'll never smoke a cigar!

Shh!

All right, taylor, you've just got seconds to open that door.

You don't scare me.

Oh, andy, this is ridiculous.

This never happened in mayberry.

There's no reason it couldn't. Now, shh!

I'm givin' you seconds to get out of here, or face the consequences.

Who are you kidding? You ain't even carryin' a g*n.

I don't need a g*n to take care of rats like you.

Why, you...

[Grunting]

[grunting]

[crashing]

cut, cut!

[Bell ringing] great. Great! A dream.

[Exhales]

wow! Was that somethin'!

Boy, that's gonna be some picture, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

I don't like it, andy. I don't like it one little bit.

You just cannot let them make that picture. Now, aunt bee.

I never saw anything so outlandish in my whole life!

It... The exaggeration. It's nothing but a lot of humbug.

I thought it was real good, aunt bee. I did, too.

Andy, your character... They're making a roughneck out of you.

You're not that kind of a person.

Why don't they show some of the nice things that you do.

Like distributing the baskets at christmas,

and giving the safety lectures at the high school?

Well, people don't go to movies to see that kind of thing.

They wanna see action and excitement, don't they, ope?

I sure do, pa.

Andy, I'm not gonna be able to hold up my head in mayberry

when that picture comes out. Everybody's gonna be laughing at you.

[Sobbing] they're gonna be laughing at all of us.

Andy, you just can't let them do it!

Well, you're takin' this the wrong way. It's just a movie.

It's not just a movie! It's our life!

Uh, opie, you wanna go in your room or for a walk or somethin'?

Ok, pa.

Well, what can I do?

Well, you could do something!

Well, what do you want me to do?

When you go back there tomorrow, you march right up to mr. Considine,

and tell him to change the picture.

And to make things more the way they really are.

All right, I promise.

I promise just as quick as we get there in the mornin',

I'll go right up to him, and I'll tell him first thing.

But don't cry.

[Sniffling]

[andy clearing throat]

good morning, folks. You're just in time.

We're gonna sh**t the big scene in the house.

Oh, good. Go on, andy.

Uh, I wonder if I might have a word with you?

Why, of course, andy, but could you hold it a minute?

Uh, we're already on the set. As soon as the scene is over, we can talk.

Why don't you folks have a seat?

Uh, well. Uh, opie, you and aunt bee...

[Clearing throat]

you should have told him right away.

A few minutes won't make any difference.

Hey, pa, is that our house?

[Bell ringing] it sure looks different.

(Man) quiet on the set. Roll 'em.

Speed.

(Considine) action.

Aunt bee! Aunt bee!

Where are you, aunt bee?

(Actress) I'm coming, andy!

Yes, andy?

She doesn't look much like you, aunt bee.

Shh!

She sure is pretty. Quiet.

The calhoun boys have followed me home.

Now, I want you to take opie and go down to the cellar.

(Actress) down to the cellar? This is ridiculous.

Shh! (Actress) never, andy.

You know me better than that.

I'd never leave you in time of trouble.

If your life is in danger, so is mine!

Good, good!

[g*n f*ring]

take cover, aunt bee! These calhoun boys are ruthless!

And a nice, delicate lady like you... Oh, no. No, andy, no.

I know your oath never to sh**t a g*n,

but I never took such an oath.

[g*ns f*ring]

I'll show those calhoun boys.

[Glass shattering]

[g*n f*ring]

this is stupid!

(Considine) cut!

[Bell ringing] that was great, just great.

I'm gonna tell him right now.

Oh, wait... Wait just a minute. Wait a minute, andy.

I'm not absolutely sure I've been quite right about this.

Yesterday you were cryin' about it.

I know, but, uh, somehow, today it seems a little better.

It's a movie, andy. They have to take liberties

in order to make it interesting.

Andy, did you want to talk to me?

I have some time now. Uh...

No, we were just going to say how happy we are

about the way you're making the picture.

Well, thank you.

And that actress who plays me, she's marvelous!

I, myself...

Can't imagine anybody giving a more accurate portrayal...

She don't look much like aunt bee.

Mmm.

The way she's caught my character,

it's just wonderful!

[Andy sighing]

well, wasn't that wonderful? Yeah.

Imagine us, meeting directors and actors and producers.

And watchin' 'em make a real movie.

I bet johnny paul won't believe it when I tell him about that.

Yeah, it's been some vacation so far.

Well, what'll we do tonight, andy?

Well, I don't know. We could go down to grauman's chinese theater,

take a walk down to hollywood and vine.

Well, that sounds nice. Mmm-hmm.

What time is it, pa?

Oh, I don't know, about : , I guess. Why?

I was just thinkin'...

If we were back in mayberry,

do you know what I'd be doin' right now?

What?

Watchin' the jerome sangor show on t.v.

And I'd be watching it with you.

You know, I'm very fond of that program myself.

Yeah. It's not on out here, I don't expect.

Sure it is. I saw it in the paper this mornin'.

What?

And after him's jim apache, indian spy.

I bet they got an excitin' one on tonight.

Yeah, that's a good show. But we're in hollywood now.

What'll it be? Grauman's chinese theater?

Walk down to hollywood and vine? What?

[Clapping]

[sighing]

room service, please.

Room service, this is , would you send up a television set?