03x03 - Glove Hurts

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Kickin' It". Aired: June 13, 2011 - March 25, 2015.*
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Follows a crew of lovable misfits- Jack, Jerry, Milton and Kim - and their Sensei Rudy - at Bobby Wasabi Martial Arts Academy.
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03x03 - Glove Hurts

Post by bunniefuu »

I was up all night working on my
project for the invention fair.

I have something truly amazing.

What do you guys have?

[Both murmuring]

Both: We got nothing.

I am so excited.

We have a special guest Judge this year.

He's from Techtronic Labs and he is
not too hard on this lonely lady's eyes.

Derek Tanner.

Hello, future.

I'm Derek.

I can't believe it.
That's my dad's new boss.

Milton: He's a genius.

And my personal hero.

This is the Mind Surfer.

You control wherever it
goes with your thoughts.

And that's really what inventing is.

Dreaming things into reality.

You know, I tell them that every day.

But do they listen?

No!

Milton, dude, you gotta help us.

Here we go. Once again,
you've done nothing

and you want credit by
glomming onto my project.

Good. So we're on the same page.

And this is Milton Krupnik.

He's the smartest boy in our class.

Ah, Milton. If you're
anything like your father,

I'm sure your project
will be most impressive.

[Giggles]

'Kay.

Right now the only competition you have
is something called the Butt Whistle.

[Whistle tweeting]

Put it away, Eric!

May I present...

[Clears throat]

May we present...

The Corn Coddlers.

Yes! The corn codl... what now?

Every Wednesday night, I have
to give my Nana a foot massage.

Oh! An old lady under a tarp.

Already better than the Butt Whistle.

Between her bunions,
calluses, and gnarled up corns,

I'm dealing with some pretty tough feet.

These mechanized gloves give
my hands the strength of men.

Allowing me to do this.

[Mechanical whirring]

[Laughing]

Well, this is just embarrassing.

That I didn't think of
such a fantastic invention!

How did you manage to increase the
strength of the human hand tenfold?

- I used Greenblatt's law of inverse...
- [Stammering] Inverse...

To maximize its relative force...

- Force. Power.
- Increasing its power.

It's simple, really.

Well, you three boys are going on
a V.I.P. tour of Techtronic Labs.

Because you are the winners!

- All right!
- [Cheering]

- [Whistle tweeting]
- Get over it, Eric. You lost.

[Whistle tweets]

[Rock music playing]

- ♪ Don't...
- ♪Don't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪Won't...
- ♪Won't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!


- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!


♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.


♪Here we go, let's start the party!

♪Chop it up like it's karate.

♪Everybody!

- ♪Don't...
- ♪ Don't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Get all tough with me!

♪I'm saying...

- ♪ Won't...
- ♪Won't...


- ♪You...
- ♪You...


♪Come kick it with me?

♪And we could have a
ball, run up the wall!


- ♪That's just how we do.
- ♪Come on!


♪And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.


What are all these people doing?

Oh, when a carnival comes
to town, they usually try

and drum up business with
their sideshow attractions.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Behold the beautiful, the mesmerizing...

Unicornia.

[Applause]

Are you kidding me? What kind of
sucker would believe in "Unicornia"?

Unicornia!

[Shrieking] I love you!

She's even more beautiful
than in her pictures.

Sam. Sam. Sam.

Let's go meet her. Come on.

Hey guys, Mr. Tanner called me and
told me to bring in my Corn Coddlers.

Both: Our Corn Coddlers.

Guys, this tour is a big deal to me.

Please don't do
anything to embarrass me.

[Scoffs] Come on, we're
not gonna embarrass you.

We know how important this is for you.

I'm even gonna put on my new
deodorant. It's called "de-stank".

Oh, classy. Dude, can
I get some of that?

Yeah yeah.

Welcome to Techtronic Labs.

This is Hans, an award
winning physicist.

Last year he invented a
geothermal earthquake detector

that saved thousands of lives.

Oh, what's he working on now?

Rubber snot.

Oh, finally. Something the world needs.

We're very excited about this...

We've been contracted by a security
company to invent an invisible guard dog.

- It's very exciting.
- I'm sorry?

Dr. Korachi is grooming King,
a purebred German Shepherd.

Okay.

Yeah. Oh no, sure he is.

There's a big doggy on that table.

[Clicks tongue]

Oh, hey, fella.

Oh, look at me. I'm a little kitty cat.

- Meow.
- Please don't do that.

Want to get the kitty cat?

- Please don't...
- [Growls]

[Barking]

[Grunts, screaming]

Jack! Jack! He got the little kitty cat!

- I got you, man.
- [Whimpers]

Come on, get up.

That was close. I think he's gone.

[Barking]

Oh no, he's back. Jack! Jack!

- [Barking continues]
- Jack, he's got my leg!

You're very different from those two.

Yes, very.

My guess is, when it came to your
invention, you did all the work, hmm?

Oh, no no. I... I wouldn't say that.

I think that we all... they did nothing.

I know. Only a genius
could design those gloves.

And you, my friend, could
be the next Derek Tanner.

- Would you excuse me for one second?
- Oh, yes.

[Silent screaming]

You were saying?

Milton, be careful no one takes
advantage of your brilliant mind.

What are you talking about?

Well, your friends. Jack and Jerry. They
appear to be nothing more than, well...

Parasites.

- [Growling]
- [Shuddering]

Hey, guys. Bad news.

King just ran through
the cloning machine.

- Yeah.
- [Dogs barking]

[All shouting]

This place is lame. On that last
ride, I got puke all over my shoes.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Little kiddie caterpillar train
what a lot faster than it looked.

Look, can we just go
home? I mean, this pla...

Wow!

Ah. You like the T-Rex, huh?

Okay.

You know what? I'm gonna knock
Abe's hat off and win it for you.

[Scoffs]

Please. I'm a Sensei. I
can do this in one sh*t.

That's why they call me...

One sh*t.

[Groans]

You might need a few
more balls, one sh*t.

♪ And no matter how much I chop and punch
it's not as cool as kickin' it with you!


- Jerry.
- Sorry.

I guess Tanner's still
showing Milton around.

Psst. Psst. Come here.

Dude, what are you
doing? It's restricted.

We're on a V.I.P. tour. What
do you think V.I.P. stands for?

"Visit it please".

No, dude! Don't go...

Both: Whoa.

[Chuckles]

- Dude.
- Dude, check it out.

It's our gloves.

Looks like Tanner really amped them up.

Dude, look.

I think they're gonna be
part of this crazy suit.

The stuff in this room looks different from
the stuff they're developing out there.

I know. These things look dangerous.

Yeah.

Hey, what do you think this does?

- Jerry, don't.
- [Powering on]

- Dude, are you okay?
- What?! I can't hear you.

What are you two doing in
here? This room is restricted.

That's what I told him, Sir. There
are things called boundaries, Jack.

- Huh?!
- The tour's over. You're leaving.

You know, the stuff in
this room is dangerous.

You know, the stuff in
this room is dangerous!

You have no idea who
you're messing with.

- These two are banned for life!
- You're in a band with your wife?

Right on, dude. What
kind of stuff do you play?

[Beeping]

[Screaming]

[Groans]

Rudy, we've been here two hours.

You're out of money.

Let's go.

I am going to win you that dinosaur!

Oh. No no, I just remembered.

I have an emergency
dollar taped to my chest.

- [Ripping]
- [Yells]

Here.

No. No no no no no. I did it!

This game is rigged.

I am taking what's mine!

[Grunts, shouts]

You people are gonna
give carnies a bad name!

Nice. Again.

That was good.

Well, you know what?

I hope you guys are happy.

You almost ruined the most
important day of my life

and embarrassed me in front
of my new friend Derek Tanner.

There's something off about that guy.

He had this drawing of a weaponized
suit, and our gloves were a part of it.

Our gloves?

There's no "our". Those are my gloves.

And you two are questioning a
genius like Tanner? That's a laugh.

You know what? Tanner was
right. You guys are parasites.

[Gasps]

Parasites? Oh, you did
not just call us parasites!

Us?! We're para...

[Quietly] What's a parasite?

It's not good.

You hang out with that creep Tanner for
one day, and you turn into a real jerk.

Really?!

Well, that creep just hired this jerk.

- Both: What?!
- That's right.

Through Techtronic's
work-study program,

I can finish school
while working there...

Surrounded by people who appreciate me!

Oh, really? Well, what's
to appreciate anyway?

You're just a skinny brainiac
who's gotten me through school,

while guiding me through
the pitfalls of puberty,

and is one of the best
friends a boy could ever have!

Aw, Jack! What have you done, man?

It used to be, when you're in the
middle of a sweltering heat wave,

there was nothing you could do.

But not anymore! Thanks to...

"The Blizzard-Brella".

Booya!

That's my boy. [Chuckles]

I've never said that before. It's
fun to say "booya". It's like a...

Like a party in your
mouth. Booya, booya!

You know, Milton, I've
got very big plans for you.

Bigger than snowing umbrellas?

Oh, yes.

This is where the real science happens.

Why don't you, uh, try on your gloves?

- [Keypad beeps]
- [Air hisses]

I made a few minor adjustments.

And now they're as strong as men.

Why don't you try to
bend that manhole cover?


Manhole cover?

That's impossible.

Whoa!

There things are, like, powerful.

Your Nana's feet must
be really jacked up.

My Nana's feet are beautiful!

[Stammering]

These aren't really for Nanas.

They're for a very select customer.

One that's willing to
spend a lot of money.

But what if those customers
turn out to be bad people?

Oh. [Laughing]

Oh, they are bad people.

That's how you make the most money.

By selling illegal
weapons to bad people.

- Look, Milton.
- [Exhales]

I chose you because you
remind me of a younger me.

Together, nothing could stop us.

I am nothing like you!

And I don't want to create
things that hurt people.

You know what? You're not
getting any more of my ideas.

I quit.

[Remote beeping]

[Lock latches] I understand.

But, uh, you know,
it would be a shame if

something bad were to
happen to your father.

I mean, labs are very dangerous places.

And accidents happen all the time.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about
that. Krupnik men are very safe.

Our family motto is... "Slow down, you".

No. I'm talking about a very
different kind of accident.

Oh.

Like not wearing safety goggles
when you work with bromium sulfate?

No. I...

Forgetting your insulation
tongs when you work with dry ice?

- No! I...
- [Gasps]

Accidentally mixing
together magnesium chlo...

I'm going to hurt your father!

Wow, I wasn't even in the ballpark.

[Beeping]

[Carnival music playing]

Look, Rudy, why don't we just go home?

You're not going home until
you get a magical memory.

I am getting you that T-Rex.

I just have to figure out
a way to get back in here.

Why don't you just put on a costume and
sneak through the performers' entrance?

I got it!

Why don't I just put on a costume and
sneak through the performers' entrance?

Yeah, that might work.

What are you doing here?

Certainly not being banned
for life, that's for sure.

Showtime, let's go.

Wha...? But...

Ladies and gentlemen!

Here he is, the international legend...

Iron gut!

The only human on the planet who can
catch a cannonball with his stomach!

Whoa-ho-ho! I gotta see this.

Blow a hole through his belly!

[Whooping]

Oh, no.

Woo!

Let's go.

That was good. Now again.

That's good.

Hey, guys.

Seriously? Again?

Milton. Surprised you came back
to hang out with the parasites.

I'm not staying. I just
came to clear out my locker.

So you're really not
coming back anymore?

I couldn't if I wanted
to. Mr. Tanner forbid it.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Something's wrong.

His sparkle's gone.

[Sighs deeply]

Dude, you can tell us what's wrong.
Man, we always have your back.

Whatever it is. Anything
you need, no matter what.

We will be there for you, bro.

Tanner is forcing me to make
evil and dangerous weapons.

If I don't, something terrible
is gonna happen to my dad.

Well, Tanner sounds
crazy. Good luck with that.

[Grumbles]

[All chanting] Iron gut, iron gut!

- You gotta do it again. They love you.
- No way.

I am breathing through a hole in my
ribs. My stomach is halfway up my nose.

And I think one of my kidneys
is in the tilt-a-whirl.

Come on, name you price. There's
gotta be something you want.

No no, there is
absolutely nothing that...

Wait.

Maybe there is one thing.

[Chanting continues]

I did it once. I can do it...

Oh, mama! That thing's
bigger than a house.

[Rudy screaming]

See you, Rudy.

Tanner said everything
in that room is illegal.

Great, so we just need to grab the
gloves, take them to the police.

And that should be enough
to put Tanner in jail.

Perfect. Let's go.

The gloves... they're gone!

He must have known we were coming.

- We gotta get out of here.
- Go go.

Hello, boys. Looking for these?

[Gloves trill]

Guys, I found the gloves.

Too bad, Milton.

Together we could have
done amazing things.

I wouldn't do anything
with you. You're a monster!

We're going to the authorities
and telling them everything.

[Chuckles] No, you're not.

You think I'm afraid of you
and some amped-up Corn Coddlers?

I got this. Ah!

[Grunting]

Funny, Milton, you're about to
be destroyed by your own hand.

Our hand!

Uh...

[Gloves zap]

No!

You destroyed the gloves that
cost me a million dollars!

[Whimpers]

And you dented my pinky ring!

You were right about one thing.

Labs can be very dangerous.

[Grunts]

I'm sorry I got so carried away.

I forgot who I was. I wanted so
badly to be the next Derek Tanner.

Ah, it's all good, man. We're just glad
to have the old Milton Krupnik back.

I always thought there was
something off with Tanner.

Milton, I'm really proud of
you for standing up to him.

That showed guts.

The only reason I had the guts was
because Jack and Jerry had my back.

I have plenty of time to
become a great inventor.

Now's the time to be with my friends.

Hey, uh, where's Jerry?

Oh, he went to get his
hat in the cloning room.

All right, guys. I'm ready to go.

How about we stop and get some pizza?

- I'll pay.
- I'd like that.

All right, guys. Ready to go.

- Didn't he just...
- All right, guys. Ready to go.

I'm only paying for one Jerry.

♪ Kickin' in it with you!

The carnival's amazing, Rudy. I
can't wait to come back next year.

Find someone else. I am
never coming back here.

Hey.

Save your money, little
girl. It's a complete scam.

Winner!

So she got lucky once, big deal.

And she wins again.

- No.
- And again!

- No.
- And again!

- No.
- And again!

Faster Sam, get me out of here.

The lady can't loose!
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