08x01 - Opie's First Love

[bunniefuu]

Andy?

Oh, never mind. I know how
you like to nap on Saturday.

How's that

I suppose you know
the Monroe nursery b*rned down

over in mount pilot.

Well, I won't bother you.

You know, he had some of
the best azaleas I've ever seen.

Paw! Paw! Guess what?!

What?

Tell him, Arnold.

As you probably know,
I'm going to be .

Oh, my goodness, Arnold.

I remember getting
your birth announcement.

Anyhow, my parents
are letting me throw a party.

Party?

It's going to be stag or drag.

Stag or drag?

Stag is alone.

Drag means you bring a girl.

A party with dates?

Don't worry.

It's not going to be
wild or anything.

I got to go tell
the rest of the guys.

Okay.

Arnold's mom is going
to send out invitations

in the mail, but he can't wait.

Party with dates.

Well, who you going to invite,
Opie?

Well, I'm not sure yet.

Mary...

...Alice...

Carter?

Come on, paw.

Mary Alice Carter.

Seems to me I've heard
that name before.

Oh, yes,
Opie's been stuck on her

since the first grade.

Gee, paw.

She's real pretty.

Got big blue eyes.

Paw, there's some areas
where a person gets real touchy.

You walk by her house
every chance you get

and it's way across town.

Paw, Mary Alice Carter
is one of my touchy areas.

Oh.

What do you mean you
don't know how to ask her?

Well, I never asked a girl
to go anywhere before.

Except maybe to the store.

It's simple.

Just go up and say, "Mary Alice"

I would like you to go
with me to Arnold's party."

But even when I ask her
for an eraser

my mouth gets all dry.

What's the difference?

So you'll have a dry
mouth when you ask her.

You going to ask Iris?

Right after school.

Guess that's when
I'll be asking Mary Alice.

Hey, Fred, did you hear
about my party?

You having a party, Arnold?

Yeah. You're invited.

It's stag or drag,
but we're all asking dates.

I guess dating's kind of
a big deal with you guys.

I've been doing it for a while.

You have?

Sure.

Nothing to it.

Will you begin studying
chapter

in your history books, please?

Opie Taylor, is something
more important

than chapter on your mind?

Opie.

Hmm?

Oh, well, uh, Shakespeare
was one of the greatest writers

of all time.

We're on history now, Opie.

Hi, Mary Alice.

Oh, hi, Opie.

Could I talk to you
for a minute?

Alone.

Sure.

Excuse us, Iris.

Okay.

Well, how you been?

Fine.

That's good.

What'd you want
to talk to me about, Opie?

Well, you know Arnold.

Sure.

He's going to be

and he's having
this birthday party

and I was wondering...

Opie, I just remembered
I have to go home.

You have to go home?

Yes, I have to water
my mother's roses.

But I was just going
to ask you if you...

She's real fussy
about her roses.

Goodbye, Opie.

How'd you do?

Pretty good, I guess.

You got a date?

No, but my mouth didn't get dry.

Well, didn't you ask her?

Well, I was going to

but she had to go home
and water her mother's roses.

I'll ask her tomorrow.

Gosh, I didn't know what to say.

I just knew he was going
to ask me to Arnold's party.

What's so bad about that?

I want to see if Fred Simpson's
going to ask me.

And suppose he doesn't?

If Fred Simpson
doesn't ask me to go

I'll just die...
I'll absolutely die.

You want to hear another one?

Goober, I'm kind of busy.

Just one more.
This is a good'un.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

No, a jet pilot on a skateboard.

I knew I'd get you on that one.

Hi, paw.
Hey, ope.

Say, paw, Arnold's
record player is busted.

He needs it for the party.

I don't know
about record players.

Ope said you might know
who could fix it.

Emmett Clark fixes radios.

Leave it here
and I'll tend to it.

Hey, Arnold, heard
about your party.

Sounds like
a real high-class affair.

The boys are taking dates.

Oh. Oh.

Do you think you might
hold her hand, Opie?

Well, maybe.

Maybe a little snuggling, too?

When do you think
it'll be fixed?

Oh, there's plenty of time.

There's plenty of time.

I don't know whether
it's true or not

but I hear that, uh,
Opie sits close

to his sweetheart in school

and they pass notes
back and forth.

What do you put in them, ope

huh?

See you, paw.

Why do they always have
to make fun of us?

Oh, old people always do that.

Guess they get
some kind of kick out of it.

Yeah, and you can't
say anything to them.

No. Just have
to kind of smile

until they get tired
of doing it.

Yeah.

And remember,
we have a test on Friday

covering the last four chapters.

Class dismissed.

Hi, Fred.

Oh, hi.

If he was going to ask,
he'd have asked by now.

I know it.

You ought to go with Opie.

Yeah, but maybe Opie
won't ask me again.

I put him off for three days.

Maybe he'll ask you again.

Give him a chance.

Okay.

I've tried to ask her
for three days now.

She's always got to water
her mother's roses

or put up her hair or something.

You think she doesn't
want to go with you?

I don't know.

She never gives me
a chance to ask her.

Here she comes.

Give her another chance.

A-Arnold.
Hi, Opie.

Hi.

Uh... say, Mary Alice

if you don't have to go home

and water your mother's roses
or anything

I'd like to ask you something.

Really, Opie?
What do you want to ask me?

Well...you want to go
to Arnold's party with me?

Arnold's party?

Oh, I'd love to, Opie.

I'd really love to.

You would?

Of course I would.

Right there.

Hi, paw.
Hi, aunt bee.

How's that?

Well, I'm not sure.

Sure is a nice day.

I think it would look better

over there by the piano.

This is the fourth place
we've had it.

Hope it's a nice day
for the party.

We'll leave it there
for the time being.

Oh, good.

What'd you say about the party?

Hope it doesn't rain.

Oh. Did you, uh,
did you ever decide

whether you're going
stag or drag?

Drag, paw.

Uh-oh.

Did you ask her?

Well...

You asked Mary Alice Carter?

Yeah.

She flipped.

You know, I don't think it'll be
long before we lose him.

Well...

Paw, could I ask you one favor?

Be kind of expensive.

Try me.

Could I have a new suit
and some oxblood loafers?

Oh, now, Opie,
that's very extravagant.

There's nothing wrong
with the suit you have.

It's getting a little too small.

I did notice
on the way to church sunday

that suit is getting
a little quick on him.

It's your money.

You take out somebody
like Mary Alice

you got to look sharp, right?

Right. Thanks, paw.
Can we go now?

I don't know why not.

There you are.

Mm-hmm. Yes, that's more
what I had in mind.

But, aunt bee,
I just want a plain blue suit.

Well, Opie, this is
very strong fabric,

and it will last for years.

Aunt bee, don't you think
that fabric's a little thick?

No, it isn't thick.
It's sturdy, Andy, sturdy.

Paw, can I try
the blue one on again.

Yeah, let's let him
try the blue one on

one more time, aunt bee.

Well, you know, Andy, I do have
quite a shopping sense,

if you'd care
to take advantage of it.

Of course.
I know you do.

Let's just let him try it
once more.

This blue one's a
real good value, too

and, uh, it's a little
bit lighter weight.

I like this one better, paw.

You know, I believe
I do, too, aunt bee.

Well, if that's the one

that's going to make
him happy, all right.

He's the one that's going
to be wearing it.

That's right, Doyle.

That's right.

Well, I've got to go back
to the office.

Would you take care
of the alterations?

Yes, of course.

And, uh, aunt bee, uh, don't
have the pants and sleeves

made four inches too long

so they'll fit him
seven years from now.

Oh, Andy.

But, Doyle, I would
like you to save

what you cut off the
bottom of the pants.

Well...

Paw.

Thanks for the suit.

Right.

Hi, Mary Alice.

This is Opie.

I just called to tell you
my father's going to drive us

to Arnold's party
in the squad car.

Then they pick us up
about : .

He says not to expect the siren.

What time will you come
for me, Opie?

Oh, about : .

I'll be wearing
a brand-new blue suit

just in case you're wondering.

Okay, bye.

He's real excited about
taking you, isn't he?

His father's going to drive us
over in the squad car.

Oh, my gosh, it's Fred Simpson.

Fred Simpson?!

Where's my scarf?
Where's my scarf?

Hurry up, Iris.

Come on.

Gee, all right.

What do you say, girls?

Hi, Fred.

Say, Mary Alice,
Arnold's having this party...

How'd you like to go with me?

Oh, Fred, I'd love to.

Groovy.

Fred Simpson.

I'm going with Fred Simpson.

But, Mary Alice...

I think I'm going to faint.

What are you going to tell Opie?

I don't know yet,
but I'll make up something.

Opie's going to die.

He'll just die.

Hi, ope.

Oh...

Hi, paw.

Oh, you're practicing
up for tonight, huh?

Well, just...
Fooling around.

Uh-huh.

Say, paw, could I
borrow your tie

with the horses on it?

Go real good
with the rest of my outfit.

Well, sure.

Hey, you know what would
be a good finishing touch?

I'll let you have my key chain.

You know, the one
that hooks on the belt

goes way down and ends up
in the pocket, huh?

Well, thanks,
but maybe just the tie.

Huh.

Well, you go on
with your dancing.

Hey, you better
go pick up your suit.

Mr. Perkins said
it'd be ready by noon.

I'll go get it now.
Okay.

I got it.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Mary Alice!

What'd you say?

I said I'm sorry

but I can't go with
you to Arnold's party.

You can't?

If you're sick or something

I can put on my blue suit
and come over anyway.

No, I'm not sick, Opie.

I'm going to the party.

Well, you see...
I just remembered

Fred Simpson asked
me to go before you

and, well...

I just completely
forgot about it.

You know me, just
a featherbrain.

Oh.

You're going with Fred Simpson,
huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well...bye.

Hey, ope.

I was going in to your father's
to pick up the record player.

I think I'll just go on home.

I'm just going to pick it up,
then I'll walk you.

Come on.

Well...

Look who's here...
The Mayberry jet set.

What you say, guys?

Is it all fixed?

What? Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Just a screw missing.

Didn't cost a dime.

There you are, Arnold.

Thanks, sheriff Taylor.

Hey, I see you got
your suit, ope.

You daddy was telling me
about your new threads.

That's "clothes"
in hipster talk.

I know, goober.

Hey, goob?

Know who Opie's taking
to the dance?

Uh-uh.

Mary Alice Carter...

Probably the prettiest
girl in class.

You gonna kiss her, ope?
You gonna kiss her?

Well, are you?
Let's go, Arnold.

Well, Opie don't seem
too excited

about going out with
the prettiest girl in class.

Well, he's probably nervous.
Wouldn't you be?

Yeah, probably afraid he's
going to mess up on his manners

or something.

Hey, this one.

Well, now, Opie,
I can understand

your being excited
about the party

but I still think
you should eat.

Yeah, Arnold's mother

probably won't serve
refreshments

till around : .

I'm just not very hungry.

Well, if you're not
going to eat now

maybe it's a good idea to go up

and take a bath and get dressed.

I put the, uh,
the tie in your room.

I don't think I'm going.

Excuse me.

Um, is there something
you'd like to talk about?

Well...

I don't feel too good, paw.

Hmm.

Have you got a headache
or something?

Yeah.

Yeah...i have
a headache.

Huh.

Well, a headache
can get the best of us.

Well, if you're not
going to the party

I guess you better call
Mary Alice.

Oh, I really don't have to, paw.

See, I told her this morning

that I might have a headache
tonight

and I might not be able to go.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Is, uh, is she going by herself?

No.

Fred Simpson will take her.

That's okay with me.

You know...

Uh, if your headache
should get better

you could go to the party alone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember one time...
I was about your age...

The same thing happened to me.

I went to a party by myself.

Of course, the circumstances

were a lot different
from yours here.

But we had this church
social coming up, see

and I invited this
real special girl

and right at the last minute
she broke the date with me.

She did?

Yeah, just like that.

She went with Lamar trundle.

You know what I did?

What?

I went to the party by myself.

You know, I acted like it
didn't bother me one bit

that she'd gone
with Lamar trundle.

I played it real cool.

And you know something else?

I had the best time I ever had.

You did?
Yeah. Yeah.

So, if, like I say, your
headache should get better

you could go on over
to Arnold's by yourself.

Might be a way
to k*ll an evening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, ope, here we are.

It should be a lot of fun.

Oh, sure, it will.

Now, you have a good time, Opie.

Yeah, have fun.

Yeah.

Hey, Arnold.

Oh, hi, ope.

How's your party going?

Great. My parents
almost ruined it

by trying to make us
dunk for apples.

But I asked them to
stay in the kitchen.

Is, uh, everybody here?

Yeah...she's here.

Well, I wasn't exactly asking

about anybody in particular,
Arnold.

Hey, ope, we all heard
about what Mary Alice did.

That's dirty.

Oh, that didn't get to me
at all, George.

You're not jealous or anything?

Nah. I figure there's
a lot of fish in the sea.

You can spread that around
what I just said

if you want to.

Boy, this music
really has a good b*at.

Opie?
Hi.

Oh, hi, Mary Alice.

You don't have to be
nice to me, Opie.

I did a terrible thing.

Oh, you mean when you
came here with Fred

when I really asked you first?

I'm very sorry.

I didn't even think about it.

Aren't you mad?

Nah, I never get mad
over little things.

Hey, Ralph.
Pretty swingin' party, huh?

Boy, old Arnold really knows
how to throw a party.

Having fun, Mary Alice?

I thought I would.

Hey, bernice.

Nice-looking dress.

Opie, do you know
I've been sitting

in this corner
since we got here?

Since who got here?

Fred and I.

Oh, he really thinks
he's something.

Oh, there he is.

Boy, Fred is really
a great dancer.

He's a big bore.

He makes you think he's doing
you a great big favor

by taking you out.

And he's always
combing his hair.

He's so conceited,
it makes me sick.

Well...

Since you're just sitting there

why don't we talk?

Okay.

Well, this may be
a long ride home

so let's make it as
cheerful as possible.

Well, I admire Opie

for having the courage
to go to the party.

Yeah. I hope it worked.

Andy, isn't that Opie

up on the porch waving at us?

Yes, it is.

Well, hello.

Hi.

You're probably wondering
why I'm with Mary Alice.

It had crossed my mind.

Were you wondering,
too, miss crump?

Well, I am a little curious.

We just sort of found out

we should have been together...

All along.

Oh.

Paw, since this
is the first time

you and me ever double-dated

why don't we go
over to the diner

for a little something?

Well...

My treat.

Oh.

Oh, well, okay.

Ahh.

Yeah.
Boy.

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

It was really a blast.

Wasn't it, though?
Yeah.

You sure I can't get
my part of the check?

Are you kidding?

Thanks.

Paw...

What are you and miss crump
doing next weekend?

I don't know. Maybe we'll
take in a movie or something.

Mind if I come along?

Stag or drag?

Drag, paw.
I already asked Mary Alice.

Oh.

We'll just make it
a double, then, huh?

Yeah.

Paw?
Hmm?

You know what I figured out
about girls?

What?
Nothing.

Join the club.

Yep.