08x08 - The Tape Recorder

[bunniefuu]

Well, you b*at the egg whites
until they form stiff peaks.

Well, Clara, it's kind of hard
to describe how stiff.

If they make peaks,
they're stiff.

Exactly. Mm-hmm.

Then you put it all over the
top, and you put it in the oven,

and you bake it about,
uh, oh, minutes.

Mm-hmm.

Right. Thank you.
Goodbye.

Hello?
Oh, hello, Clara.

Of course you can have
the recipe.

They're called
chipped beef puffs.

What's happening?
Who's talking.

Did we surprise you, aunt bee?
What's that?

We took down your conversation
on my new tape recorder.

See?
Oh, for heaven's sakes.

We bugged you.
We were just foolin' around.

Tape recorder.
Come on, let's see.

Oh.

Is there any more of me
on there?

Sure.

Have you got a pencil, Clara?

Well, you need four ounces
of dried beef,

coarsely torn,

one quarter of a cup
of margarine.

All right, I'll wait.

People have mentioned I have
a rather melodious voice.

Yeah, you...

Three tablespoons
of all-purpose flour,

salt and pepper, and just
a smidgen of olive oil.

Come on, ope.

Let's go try it
on somebody else.

Oh, haven't you got any more
of me on there?

No, that's about all we got.

Oh, well, another time, perhaps.

Sure.

Well, let's do something.

I've got to wait

for a phone call
from the state police.

Want to play some checkers?

Fine with me.
Okay, set them up.

I've got to wait for a phone
call from the state police.

Want to play some checkers?

Well, I said I did, didn't I?

Fine with me.

What?

Okay, set them up.

Well, I am setting them up.

Wait a minute.

We bugged your office

when you were out having coffee.

Oh, I see.

I'll be doggoned.

I thought I was hearing things.

Tape recorder.

My father gave it to me.

You can really have
a lot of fun with them.

You can...
If you don't misuse it.

We know how to use it.

That's not what I mean.

You shouldn't
eavesdrop on people.

It's called invasion of privacy.

See, you might hear something
that you shouldn't hear

and embarrass somebody.

That's right.

Oh...

We didn't mean to do
anything like that.

I know. I wouldn't
do it again, though.

Okay, pa.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Taylor.

Oh...
Oh, that what it's about.

Oh...okay.

I'll be right there.
All right, bye.

Is that the state police
calling?

Yeah.

What's up?

Well, they've got a suspect
on that Raleigh bank robbery

and they want me to hold him

till the city detectives
can come down and question him.

If you're going to be tied up
with a bank robbery

you're going to be
needing a deputy.

No, goober.

At least somebody
to keep an eye on things.

No, I'll handle it.
Please?

No, well, goob...
Please?

Well, all right,
you're a deputy.

Hey, thanks.

I'll be back in about an hour.

Ain't you going to swear me in

like you did last time
with that ceremony?

Well, it's still legal.

Can't I have a badge?
Oh, goober...

I can't be a deputy
without a badge.

All right, there's a badge.

It's bent.

It's the only one I've got.

Well, gee whiz...

You know, I'm in
charge of the town

till your pa gets back.

Good, goob.

I think I'll go out and patrol.

Wow! A bank robber!

It's all part
of my father's business.

What cell do you think
he'll put him in?

He usually uses that one.

Hey...why don't we bug it?

You heard what my father
said about eavesdropping.

He meant with nice people.

This is a bank robber.

Maybe we could get
evidence for your father.

Well, the prisoner's
not going to talk to himself.

When his lawyer comes.

How do you know he will?

Don't you go to the movies?

That's the first thing
that happens.

The lawyer sits in his cell
and tells the criminal

to trust him.

Well...

Come on, ope.

Okay. Maybe we can help my pa.

This is a bum rap,
I'm telling you.

I'm telling you,
this is a bum rap.

Inside.

Okay...

I got a right
to make one phone call.

That's the law.

You seem to know it pretty well.

There you are.

Hello, operator?

Get me Myles Bentley,
in jonesboro.

He's an attorney-at-law.

What?

She wants to talk to you.

Yes, Sarah?

He's a prisoner.

Not now, Sarah.

You can read about
it in the paper.

Get his party, will you?

Think you can handle it
from here, Taylor?

Oh, sure.

Raleigh boys'll get here
as soon as they can

probably late this afternoon.

I'll drop back around lunchtime
and spell you.

Great. Thanks.

See you.

All right.

This is a fast shuffle
I'm getting here.

Here I am driving
along the country road

to grab myself
a hunk of nature...

Seeing the birds

and the flowers blooming
in all their colors...

And the cows and the trees...
I love that stuff.

All of a sudden, I run

into a roadblock and I got cops
crawling all over me.

What made you come
all the way down here

to grab that hunk of nature?

Well, I heard
you had some nice flowers here.

You know,
when you love that stuff

it don't make no difference
how far you go.

Myles? Eddie.

Look, they got me
in a t*nk down here

in some place called, uh...

Mayberry.

Hmm. Mayberry.

Wherever that is,
that's where I am.

What do you mean,
what do they got me on?

Nothing, as usual.

Now, you get down here
as fast as you can.

Right. I'll be looking for you.

Okay.

This one right here.

Hey, Andy, I seen you when
you turned off the main road.

We got him, huh?

Yeah, we got him.

Hey, ain't there
no hangers in here?

This is a $ suit.

Let me tell you
one thing, mister,

you're in a maximum
security cell.

Boo!

You better stop that.

Will you get out of here?

He's a mean 'un, Andy.

I need you to go somewhere
and patrol something.

Right, chief.

Hi, Eddie.

Hiya, Myles.

I'd like to talk to my client.

Okay.

In private.

I'll be outside.

When you're finished,
give me a yell.

Well...aren't you going
to ask me what I'm doing here?

Tell me if I'm wrong.

You were arrested.

Well, they're only holding me
for questioning.

For some reason, they think
I pulled that Raleigh bank job.

Well, did you?

Did I what?

Did you pull
the Raleigh bank job?

Okay?

Yeah. We'll
come back later.

Right.

Eddie, stop stalling.

Did you Rob the bank,
or didn't you?

That's for me to know
and them to find out.

All right, what's the story?

According to the news bulletin

the thief got away
with grand!

Okay...

We'll return the money

and you'll throw yourself
on the mercy of the court.

Are you kidding?

No, I'm not kidding.

I'm a reputable lawyer

and this is the only way
I'd handle the case.

Let me put it this way...
If I did happen to be the thief

I'd be happy to give my lawyer
% of the grand.

Oh, Eddie, why don't you stop?

All right... %.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...

Oh, stop Eddie-ing me.

A smart lawyer could pick up
his - right now

in a dry well on a certain
abandoned farm on orchard road.

Ferguson's place.

Sorry, Eddie.

You better get yourself
another lawyer.

Sheriff, we're through.

Prisoner's lunch ready,
aunt bee?

All finished and ready to go.

He's just being held
for questioning.

It's not his last meal on earth.

I know, but the poor
man's away from home

and a person's first day in jail

is always very trying.

But a Rose?

Well, I thought it
might cheer him up.

Pa, can I see you for a minute?

But only for a minute.

We don't want Mr. Blake's
lunch to get cold.

Yeah.

Pa, guess what.
What?

We bugged Mr. Blake's cell

and we heard him
talking to his lawyer.

We took the Mike...
Wait, wait a minute.

What are you talking about?

We bugged Mr. Blake's cell.
You what?

We bugged the cell
with Arnold's tape recorder.

Just listen to this, pa.

I-I can't listen to that.
But, pa...

Opie, I can't listen to that.

I'm not permitted.

Pa, you don't understand.

Opie, I can't listen to this.

Now, I told you
about eavesdropping.

But this is different.

Yes, it's worse.

You overheard a conversation
that was supposed to be private.

Now, I can't be a party to that.

But, pa, if you just
listen to this...

Opie, I can't listen.

Pa, you're erasing the tape!

That's what I mean to do.

You bugged a conversation
between a lawyer and his client.

Now, that's violating

one of the most sacred rights
of privacy.

But, pa...

No buts.

But if it helps the law...

Opie, the law can't use
this kind of help.

Andy, the tray's getting cold.

Coming.

Now...now,
I erased that tape

but I can't erase
what you and Arnold know.

So you just forget about it,
you understand?

Yes, pa.

Hello, Sarah?

May I have
doc Bailey's house, please?

No, nobody's sick.

Hello

may I please speak to Arnold?

Oh, he's not.

Well, do you know where he went?

Hey, ope...

Never mind, Mrs. Bailey.

He just got here.

Thanks. Bye.

What's that?

I went up to Ferguson's farm.

Look!

Quick...upstairs.

Come on, upstairs, upstairs.

Opie, everything all right?

Just fine, pa.

, , ...

Arnold.

I'm counting.

Now don't mix me up.

One, two, three...

You already counted it
three times.

It's all there... $ , .

Let's take it to your pa.

Arnold, I keep telling you
we can't.

Why not?

Because we learned where it was

in an unethical way.

What does that mean?

Illegal.

Bugging is wrong.

Even with crooks?

According to pa,
especially with crooks.

If you could've seen
how mad he was

for knowing what we know

you can imagine how mad he'd be
if he knew what we had.

Boy, are you in trouble.

Me?! You stole
the crook's money.

But you're an accessory.

No, I'm not.

You didn't tell me you
were going to steal it.

Well, I'm telling you now.

"Now" doesn't count.

You mean, you're going
to tell on me.

No, we're in this together.

You think your pa
will arrest us?

If he gets mad enough he might.

Yeah, but you're his son
and I'm your best friend.

That won't help.

He doesn't like
to show favoritism.

Oh...

Blake loved his lunch

and sends his
compliments to the chef.

Oh, well, wasn't that
sweet of him?

He must be a very nice man.

He's eaten every last bit of it.

He's wearing the Rose.

I'm racking my brains
trying to think

what to cook him for supper.

Chicken paprikash would be fine

but it should be served
piping hot.

By the time it gets
down to the cell...

Aunt bee, we're still
running a jail...

Nothing fancy.

Where's Opie?

He's upstairs
playing with Arnold.

You know, it seems to me, Andy,

they're acting very guilty
about something.

I wouldn't be surprised.

I guess I better go see
what they're up to.

Well, first, here.

Tell me what I should cook
Mr. Blake for supper

if I can't have anything fancy.

What do you think
we ought to do?

Well, there's only
one thing we can do...

Put the money back in the well.

Yeah, we better.

Hey, wait a minute.

It's too dangerous to use this.

When I came through town,
everyone was staring at me.

How about if we put it
in a pillowcase?

They'll stare even more.

Hey, let's keep the money
in the case

and wrap it up.

Make it look like a present.

Yeah. That's
a great idea.

Let's use this piece.

Opie?

Yeah, pa?

Can I come in?

Uh, what'd you say, pa?

I said, can I come in?

Oh. Oh, you want
to come in, huh?

Uh, I didn't hear
what you said at first.

Opie?

Sure, come on in.

I was just fooling
around with my guitar.

He's getting real good.

Oh, good, good.

Did you tell him
about the tape recorder?

Yeah.

What's that?

A present for the coach.

Yeah. It's
a birthday present

but the Christmas paper
is all we had.

Oh. An attaché
case, huh?

It doesn't look very new.

It's all we could afford.

We bought it secondhand.

Heavy.

Well, we put some rocks in it.

Sort of a joke

for when he opens
it up, huh, Arnie?

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Well, I just wanted to make sure

that you two got it straight
about this tape recorder.

Yeah, we understand perfectly.

Good.

Because whether a man
is guilty or innocent

we have to find that out
by due process of law.

Sure do it the hard way,
don't they?

Andy.
Mm

we've been guarding him.

Good.

You can go on if you want to.

I can handle it from here.

Okay. Say, I got a call
a while ago. He raised bail.

Bondsman will be here
an hour or so and spring him.

Oh.

See ya.
All right, thanks.

I don't know why they're
gonna let him out on bail.

I know he's guilty.

I just know he is.

Everybody is innocent
till proved guilty.

You can tell he's guilty
just by looking at him.

He's a mean 'un.

Sheriff, will you do something
about that guy?

He's hasn't stopped talking
for minutes.

Every time I fall asleep,
he wakes me up.

I'll handle him.

Did you have pleasant dreams?

Yeah. I dreamt
I pushed you off a cliff.

See, Andy, he even dreams mean.

Goober.

It's okay, I ain't
scared of him.

Will you get rid of this creep?

He bothers me.

It ain't me that's
bothering you.

Your conscience
is bothering you.

Your conscience
is gnawing at you.

Besides, you're a creep, too!

I'll be outside if you
need any more muscle.

He doesn't always
express himself too well.

What's he giving me
with that conscience stuff?

Who does he think
he's talking to?

I think
what he was trying to say

is that sometimes
a man's conscience

can give him a lot more pain
than the law.

Look, sheriff,
you're a nice fellow.

You run a clean jail.

You serve tasty meals.

Don't spoil it all
with a lecture, huh?

I'm not lecturing.

In my line of work

I run into a lot of fellows
that get in trouble

and their biggest trouble

is not knowing the simplest way
to get out of it.

If you're bucking
for a confession

you're up the wrong alley.

I'm just speaking generally.

Like, if the person

who did Rob the bank in Raleigh
should confess,

I'm sure he'd get
a lighter sentence.

You know, sheriff,
a little violin music

would have gone good with that.

Hmm.

Hey, goob, with all
the running around

I forgot to get any lunch.

Hang around, will you?

Okay, Andy.

I'll be right down the street.

Hi, guys.

Hi, pa.

You look tired.
Where you been?

Well, we just took a ride
out to deliver that present.

Oh. Ope,
do me a favor.

Go home and tell aunt bee
not to fix any supper

for the prisoner.

He won't be here.

They taking him back to Raleigh?

No. He's getting
out on bail.

You mean, he's going to go free?

Till he comes to trial.

Sheriff Taylor, can I speak

to your son in private?

Help yourself.

The minute the crook gets out

he's going to grab the money.

I know, but what can we do?

Pa won't listen to me.

Maybe he'll listen to me.

Sheriff Taylor.

Yeah?

Um, I understand
that your son, Opie,

is having a little trouble

telling you certain information

he got from a
certain tape recorder

planted in a certain cell.

Correct, counselor.

And if he told you what he
knows, he'd be in trouble.

Right again.

But me, not being your son...

You'd be in trouble, too.

Yes, sir.

Say, goober...

Yeah?

We're kind of thirsty
and we were wondering

if we could go in
and get a drink of water.

Okay, but stay away
from the prisoner.

I'm not thirsty, ope.

Shh. We got to
talk to him.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you kids doing here?

I'm the sheriff's son
and this is my friend Arnold.

So?

We're in a lot of trouble.

Look, kid, I got stories
that'll tear your heart out.

I know. We know you stole
the money and where you hid it.

What are you kids doing,

playing cops and robbers
or something?

No. We mean it.

The money's in the dry
well at Ferguson's farm.

In a black case with red lining.

We know you took it 'cause
we heard you admit it.

You heard me?

We bugged your cell
with Arnold's recorder.

That's illegal!

That's against the law!

Yeah, we know.

That's why we're in trouble.

When you go out on bail,

we can't let you get the money.

We're gonna have to
get it before you.

And if we get it

we're gonna have to give
it to his father.

And then we'll be
in an awful jam.

So we'd like you to confess.

You'd be helping us out.

Confess?!

Everything is going great

and I got to run
into the rover boys.

Look, kids, b*at it, will you?
b*at it.

I got to do some thinking.

So, I've been doing
a lot of thinking.

A lot of thinking.

Huh?

I remember what you said

about a conscience
bothering you.

Yeah.

And I remember what you said

about a fellow
confessing something

chances are, he'd get
a lighter sentence?

That's right.

Well, thinking about all
that good stuff you told me

I decided to confess
of my own free will.

No kidding?

Yeah. I pulled the job.

You'll find the money
stashed in the dry well

on Ferguson's farm.

Blake, you're doing
the smart thing.

I owe it all to you, sheriff.

I'll get a stenographer
and take all this down.

My pleasure.

Goob, I'll be back in a minute.

Okay.

There's something
you boys might like to know.

Eddie Blake just confessed.

He did?

Boy, am I glad.

I hope you've learned
a lesson from this.

By letting the due process
of law proceed

plus a few remarks
I made about conscience

the prisoner confessed
of his own free will.

So, you see, we don't need
hidden tape recorders

to bring criminals to justice.

It's just that simple.

So, he's off to Raleigh, hmm?

That's right.
Confession and all.

Well, I hope they serve him
some nice meals.

I think he's a man
who likes good food.

He'll survive.

You know, Opie, you should be
very proud of your father,

the way he's handled
this whole matter.

Oh, I am.

I'm just doing my job.

No, it was more than that.

You virtually convinced him
to confess.

And I know that's gonna work
in his favor.

Mm. I'm sure it will.

You found the money, didn't you?

Yes. It was right
where he said it was...

On Ferguson's farm
in a dry well,

and it was in a black
attaché case about...

Oh, about that long
and about that...Wide.

I got to go do my homework.