08x12 - Howard and Millie

[bunniefuu]

Andy...

Hi, Howard.

I-i-I've been going over
something in my mind

and...well, you're
always a good one

to talk things out with.

Uh-huh, what, uh,
what's your problem?

Well, it's about Millie.

You haven't broken up with her,
have you?

Oh, no. No, no, on
the...On the contrary.

We've, uh, we've
been seeing each other

every night for
the past month now...

Uh, that is except for the
nights she had to wash her hair.

Oh, sure, sure.

It's been a warm

and wonderful relationship.

Well...

I might even say

a throbbing,
pulsating relationship

like none I've ever experienced
with any girl before.

Well, this is sounding serious.

I'll tell you how serious.

I'm going to ask her
to marry me.

You're not.

I am.

I know we're right
for each other.

Well, that's great, Howard.

That's just great.

She's a wonderful girl.

One in a million.

And you've got an idea

that she feels the same way
about you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can sort of tell
about those things...

A look, touch of a hand,

fond embrace.

Well, there seem to be
all the classic symptoms.

Yeah, there seem to be.

Well, I don't understand.

What's your problem?

Well...

The usual thing
at a time like this, I guess.

Sounds kind of stupid,
I know, but...

Well, i-i-I've been trying
to figure out how to propose.

Well, gee, Howard, I'm no expert
at this kind of thing,

but it seems to me
the thing to do would be go

right over to the bakery
and ask her.

You mean during
her working hours?

Well, sure. Why not?

Golly, I don't know.

A bakery doesn't seem
to be the proper setting

for this sort of thing.

Well, look at it
this way, Howard.

You're all primed, see,

and I think the thing to do
would be to get it over with

while you got
a full head of steam up.

Yeah...

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you might be right.

Maybe impetuousness will...

Carry the day, yeah.

Yeah, I'll see you, Andy.

I'll see ya.

Hey, Howard...
Good luck.

Thanks, Andy.

Hello, Millie.

Oh, Howard.

I may have the exact change.

, was it?

Right.

...

...

...

...

You don't mind pennies, do you?

Oh, no-not at all.

...

...

...

Oh, I don't have enough.

I'll have

to give you a bill.

No, no.

I have a nickel.

Well, thank you, but I feel...

No, no, no, no,
that's all right.

Oh, well, that's
very nice of you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.
Bye.

It was nice of you
to drop by, Howard.

Well, uh...

I-It's been so busy today...

One customer after another.

Well, I, on the other hand,

didn't accomplish
a single thing today.

Oh

Well, I found I had my mind

on something
much more important.

Millie...

Hey, Howard.
Hey, mil.

How's the sweetest
thing in the bakery?

Goober...

You and your jokes.

Oh, I just make them things up
when I'm walkin' along.

Say, let me have
one of them cinnamon buns.

Seven cents, ain't they?

Right.

You know, less than a year ago,

you used to get 'em for six.

Yeah.

Uh, you don't have
to put it in a bag.

I'll just eat it here.

I don't like
to eat on the street

unless maybe
it's a ice cream cone

or apple or peanuts.

Goober, I was discussing
something with Millie.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

I'll wait.

Well, it's rather personal.

It is?

Well, no matter what y'all say,
I'll keep it a secret.

Goober, would you mind
running along?

Well, buddy,
I don't have to have

a ton of bricks to fall on me
to know when I'm not wanted.

Well, what is it you wanted
to talk to me about, Howard?

Millie, we've known each other
for over three months now.

Now, that-th-th-that's
not a long time, I know,

but it's...Well,
it's long enough

for so people to get to
know each other real well.

Yes, Howard?

You probably know
what I'm leading up to,

and...I'm not really sure
I'm good enough for you

but...millie, I'd
like to ask if you'd...

Yes?

I'd like to ask if you...

Hi, Millie.

Aunt bee wants a
chocolate layer cake.

Could you come back later, ope?

Unh-unh.

She told me to
bring it right away.

How much is that one?

Um, a dollar
and a quarter, Opie.

A dollar and a quarter.

Well, I just have a dollar.

Is it dented or anything

so you could sell it
for cents less?

Yes.

I-It's dented...

Uh, right there.

I-It'll just be a dollar, Opie.

Thanks.

Well?

Don't I get a box?

It'll keep better
in the air, ope.

But Mr. Sprague...

Your aunt bee's waiting for you.

We'll see you later.

Bye.

Millie, before we get involved

in another bakery transaction,

i-I...i want to ask
you to be my wife.

Oh, Howard.

Well?

It's what I've been hoping for.

Now for the really big news.

We're going to get married
next weekend.

Next weekend?

Say, you don't believe in
long engagements, do you?

Why wait?

Oh, where... where...
Where's the wedding gonna be?

That's one of the things we
wanted to talk to you two about.

I talked to my mother and father

on the phone
for two hours last night.

Uh, they live in
wheeling, you know.

Oh, yes, I remember.

Well, they'd like us
to be married up there...

You know,
relatives and everything.

Well, anyway, we're gonna
take the train Friday night,

and since you two
are our best friends,

well, we'd kind of
like you to go along

and act as best man
an-an-and maid of honor,

and, well, sort of
chaperones, too.

You mean to wheeling?

That's right.

Oh, it's all on me, of course,

an-and it's a weekend.

How about it?

Well, Howard, I'd be honored.

Oh, good.

Oh, it'll be real exciting.

I know the family will be
at the station to meet us.

I really been kiddin' Howard
about getting married.

You know what?

I told him this before.

I told him I was gonna tie
tin cans to the end of the train

when it leaves.

He laughed.

I expect.

I wonder how that thing's
gonna work out.

Between Howard and Millie?

Just fine.

Well, there's the difference.

You know, he's kind of
on the conservative side,

and she's such a lively
little thing.

That just proves
that opposites attract.

Attract what?

Each other.

Oh.

Well...

When I get married,
I want to marry

exactly the same kind
of woman I am.

That ain't gonna be
easy to find, you know.

No.

No, goob, it won't.

So, you're all taking the train

right to wheeling.

Right to wheeling.

That's a lot of fun,
riding a train.

Clickety-click!

Clickety-click!

Okay.

Well, here we are,
snug as a bug in a rug.

Plenty of room and everything.

Let's see now.

What'd I give that fella,
cents?

Was that what it was?

Yeah, cents.

Uh-huh.

I always like to keep track

of just where my money goes.

That's a good idea.

I find that proper
organization of finances

can be a saving in the long run.

That way, your money
just doesn't disappear.

No. No, that's true, too.

Yep.

You girls ready
to go down to the diner yet?

Give us another five minutes,
will you, dear?

Okay, honey.

You see that I'm dancing
to your tune already.

Well, you know...

Maybe we'll go on down
and get a table.

Okay.

You know,
with Millie and I taking

this train trip together,

it's almost like
being married already.

Well, I guess so...
Like it's already started, huh?

Well, what do you say
we go on down

and put on the old feedbag, huh?

Lead the way.

Yeah.

Now, listen, Howard

I think that... that
I ought to take care

of Helen's and my part...

Uh-uh...your money's
no good here, soldier.

I'll take care of everything.

Well, that's nice
of you, Howard...

Uh-uh...forget it.

Well...

Gosh, you know,
it's...A long time

since I've been
in one of these dining cars.

Yeah, me, too.

Things have changed a little.

I mean the prices.

Yeah, well, like everything.

Hey, you know what I might have?

The special...Fish cakes.

Might just hit the spot.

You know something, Andy?

I had my eye on that baby, too.

Did you really?

Yeah.

You know what I like about fish
is it combines

a high nutritional value
with flavor and a modest price.

You can't ask much more
of a fish than that, can you?

Anything to start with?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe a roll.

Well, we certainly
have the same tastes.

I'm a roll man myself.

Good.

Here we are.

Oh.
Oh.

Hi.

Now, we weren't
too long, were we?

Well, it's always too long
when I'm away from Millie.

Oh, Howard, you're sweet.

We've already decided.

Yes, we're having the special.

Fish cakes.

Oh, well, I think
I'll have fish cakes, too.

We figured we'd start off
with a roll.

Yes, fine, fine.

How about you, dear?

Oh, it all sounds so dull.

Oh, let's see.

Um, I'll have a shrimp cocktail

and porterhouse steak
with au gratin potatoes

and celery hearts

and probably fudge layer cake.

I'll see.

Is anything wrong, dear?

Have you two decided
about a honeymoon yet?

I know I haven't.
Everything's happened so fast.

Do you have
any thoughts, Howard?

Well, as a matter of fact, I do.

Subject, of course,
to your approval, dear.

Well, let's hear it, Howard.

Okay, let's run it
up the flagpole

and see how it sounds.

Oh, I know it's going
to be wonderful.

Now, after the reception
in wheeling,

we'll catch the :
for morgantown

arriving at :

just in time for a washup
and leisurely dinner

and then on out to their
annual king Arthur pageant.

We're lucky in hitting
the right week for that.

Well, that sounds
very interesting.

Second day, check out
of the morgantown hotel

at : am.

: am?

Yes. That's the
only train out.

And if we want to get to the
blue rock caverns by noon...

Blue rock caverns?

Yes. It's one of the most
awe-inspiring series

of limestone caves
in this part of the country.

I saw them as a child

and, well, honey,
it's just something

I want to share with you.

And after a leisurely dinner

we'll take the : ...

Oh, Howard, I don't know.

Doesn't all of this
appeal to you?

Oh, yes, it sounds fine.

But...well, how does it
sound to you?

Uh...

Well, I'd say
that anything that appeals

to the both of you,
well, that would be...

That's my feeling exactly.

Howard, can't we just do things
on the spur of the moment?

I hate schedules.

What did you have in mind?

I don't know.

Couldn't we just up
and fly to Las Vegas?

Las Vegas?!

You mean, fly clear across
the country and gamble?

With money?

Yeah.

Why not? Live it up.

Well, I'm certainly not
opposed to living it up.

Apparently, you've never heard

of the king Arthur pageant.

Oh, gee, Howard!

How great can it be?

And who needs leisurely meals
and everything?

Well, golly, Millie,

aren't we making a little
too much of this?

I'm sorry, Howard.

Hey, Helen, why don't we
go to the club car

and stretch our legs?

You know, like we said we were?

Oh, yes, let's.

We'll see you.

We'll talk about
the honeymoon tomorrow.

Right.

Howard?

Yes, dear?

If I asked you to do
something for me

would you?

Well, if it would make
you happy, Millie.

I know you'll think
it's real silly.

Oh, nothing you could ask
me to do would be silly.

Shave off your mustache.

I knew you would
think it was silly.

Well, it's not that it's silly.

It's just unreasonable.

I mean, it's completely
unreasonable.

Well, I thought you were ready

to do anything for me.

But I've had this
mustache for years.

My father had a mustache,
and his father had one,

and his father before him.

It's a sprague tradition.

Shave off my mustache?!

Well, it's just that
when we kiss, it's...

Well, I'd be willing
to trim it back a little

or maybe give it
a bit of an upsweep.

That won't help.

Shave it off?

Oh, no, Millie.

No, no.

No. Definitely, no.

I think you could
give up some things.

Well, I was just about to say

the same thing about you.

I...i think we're both
a little tired.

Yeah.

I guess maybe we are.

Good night, Howard.

Good night.

Well, good night.

I know.

Good night.

...six, seven,
eight, nine, ten.

Hmm.

You know, if you don't have

the proper amount of tension

you might as well

just not use shoe trees at all.

Yeah. I guess
that's right.

I thought you'd
be asleep by now.

Andy, let me ask you...

What importance do you attach
to a man and his mustache?

You want to just let me
have that one more time?

What do you think
of my mustache?

Well, I'll tell you
the truth, Howard.

I hadn't given it
too much thought.

Millie wants me to shave it off,

and I've always felt

it gave me an air
of distinction.

Well, yeah.

You might say that.

When I first grew it,

people said I looked like
a young Tom Dewey.

To me, it makes him
look just like

one of those keystone cops.

I guess things like that

can be very important to a man.

How can anything so fuzzy
and bristly be important?

And others have commented

on a marked resemblance
to Teddy Roosevelt.

It's like kissing a hairbrush.

She just seems so stubborn

about certain things.

Well, he just seems so stubborn
about certain things.

I always feel better
after breakfast.

I like to eat

but I don't like
to feel stuffed.

That breakfast special
was just right.

I believe I'll go in
and say hello to Millie.

I had no idea

she liked to eat
breakfast alone.

Howard, you know how it is...
Morning coffee and everything.

Some people are just that way.

Well, I'll just pop in
and brighten her day.

I just saw the waiter
take her breakfast in.

Why don't you wait a while?

Oh, no reason not to spread
a little sunshine

where it's needed, huh?

Hi, honey.

Good morning, Howard.

I'm just having my coffee.

So I see.

I just thought I'd come in
and share this moment with you

like we'll be doing
every morning from now on.

Right, honey?

Mm.

Uh, Millie, I've been thinking

about making some changes
in our honeymoon schedule...

Oh, Howard, let's talk
about it later, please?

Well, now, who was it that said

"there's no time
like the present"?

I don't know
who said it, Howard.

Well, it doesn't really matter.

Millie, have you ever
been to the old smokies?

It's a range of...

Howard, please?!

We don't seem to be able

to discuss anything
calmly, do we?

No, and that's what worries me.

Well, I've certainly tried
to be more than considerate.

Well, Howard, so have I.

What's the answer?

I don't know.

I don't know.

And now we're going
to be in wheeling

in a half an hour.

I have to get dressed,
put my face on.

We'd better discuss it
before we get there.

Yes, we'd better.

Wheeling station.

Wheeling next.

Wheeling!

Millie, Millie, look.

Now, we've got to decide.

Your folks are going
to be waiting at the station.

Is thing right for us
or isn't it?

I don't know, Howard.

I don't know.

I'm sure it'll all work out.

Just a matter
of an understanding.

There they are!

There they are!

Millie! Millie!

Millie! Millie!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

He's got a mustache.

Why don't you mind
your own business?

Millie!

Ma.

Mother, this is Howard.

Hello, mother.

We'll be right back.

All aboard!

Oh, uh, I'm Andy Taylor,
and this is Helen crump.

Uh, I'm supposed to be

the best man,
and miss crump's going

to be the maid of honor.

What are they talking about?

It's just that I don't know

if we're right for each other.

Well, Millie, I'm
just as worried

about that as you are.

Well, I'll tell you one thing.

You've got
a nice climate up here.

Thank you.

You sure you have no idea

what they're talking about?

She hardly said hello.

What would you say

that your average
rainfall would be

up here in wheeling?

Folks, I've got a rather
important announcement to make.

Oh?

Millie and I have finally solved

a rather serious
personal conflict,

haven't we, dear?

That's right, Howard.

See, I've learned that

I've become very set in my ways.

Oh, no more than I have.

And I have to admit

that I've been
behaving selfishly.

I think I've been
the selfish one.

Well, it doesn't
really matter, dear,

because I think
Millie and I have found

the right path to happiness
and a long-lasting relationship.

Folks, we're calling off
the wedding.

Congratulations, I'm sure
you'll both be very happy.

Well, I'd say everything's
worked out for the best,

wouldn't you?

I guess so.

I don't know what I'm gonna do

with that box of rice
I got in my suitcase.

Well, you can always cook it.

You know, now that Millie's
brought the whole thing up,

I'm kind of toying with the idea

of shaving off my moustache.

The heck with tradition, huh?

I think I like you better
with it on.

I'm kind of getting used to it.

You know, you two
are adjusting pretty well

to your change in plans.

You know, I'd say

that any couple
contemplating marriage

ought to take at least
one train ride together.

It's the most effective way
to get to know one another.

You may have something there,
Howard.

Hey, by the way, dinner's on me.

Now, Andy, remember...

Hmm.

Anything you say, soldier.