08x13 - Aunt Bee's Cousin

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hello, Ella.

Come in.

Hello, bee.

Well, I've been scouring
this town for news.

There just doesn't seem
to be anything happening.

You got any tidbits or anything?

Tidbits? Well, uh...

No.

We go to press tomorrow morning.

Oh. Yeah, well...
Must be a challenge

writing a society
column every week.

Yeah, especially
when Mayberry society

is currently in the doldrums.

Why don't you check with Clara?

If anybody's doing anything,
she'd know about it.

I just came from there.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hello, Andy.

Oh, hi, Ella.
Hi, Andy.

Am I interrupting anything?

No, no, Ella's just out
looking for some scoops.

Oh. Well, uh,
farley gave me this.

I thought it might be important.

Special delivery.

Special delivery?

Oh. Oh,
it can't be.

Yes, it is, too.

Cousin Bradford.

Oh, I haven't heard from him
for two years.

Who's cousin Bradford?

Who's cousin Bradford?

Is he anybody?

I'll say he is.

He's coming to visit us.

To visit us?

You're kidding.

Mm-hmm. He'll be arriving
on Friday.

Oh, I'll finally get
a chance to meet him.

Who's cousin Bradford?

Oh, he sold his copper mines
in Mexico.

He did?

Well, he wheels and
deals... I'll say that.

Well, who is he,

bee?

Oh, Ella,
Bradford is a cousin of mine

that I grew up with
in West Virginia.

Our fathers were brothers,

and I haven't seen him
since I've been in my s,

but we correspond.

You know, not often,
every year or so.

It's hard to correspond
with anybody

that jumps around
as much as he does.

Exactly, and he's been
so successful...

Internationally successful.

Ohh...

'Course we all felt

that he was headed
for big things as a young man,

but what he's done
in the last years

is just beyond imagination...

A plantation in Brazil,

a , -acre sheep ranch
in Australia.

, actually.

. And financial advisor

to the crown prince of Denmark.

I've read
about people like that.

How long does he
say he's staying?

Oh.

Well, he doesn't say.

He just says...

He's in America for the moment

and that he'd like to use
the opportunity

to see the family again.

Isn't that thoughtful?

Bee, you know, this is
just what I need for my column.

Oh.

Andy?

Hmm?

I was just thinking.

What?

Wouldn't it be nice to give
a little party in his honor?

Bee, it would be
the social event of the year.

Well, Ella, that's not
the reason I'm doing it.

Well, I know, but it's high time
somebody showed Clara Edwards

she's not the only pebble
on the beach.

It's going to be
a little gathering

to introduce Bradford
to my friends...

Just a simple little party.

Hey, that's really
something, huh?

Yep. I guess mine's at home.

I ain't seen
the morning mail yet.

I understand he's one of these
men with the midas touch...

Everything turns to gold.

I wonder if he'd like to
invest in a fix-it shop.

I could probably cut him in

for a half a million or so.

Now you got it all mixed up!

Wonder what a guy like that has

that makes him a success

in every venture he goes into.

Moxy... plain, ordinary moxy.

Your rockefellers, your morgans,

this fellow Bradford Taylor...

They all got it.

Yeah, I guess
if you haven't got it,

you'll always be
one of the little guys,

like us.

Well, what makes you think
I ain't got moxy?

If you did,
you wouldn't be pumping gas.

You'd be buying oil fields
some place.

How do you know that's not
what I'm planning to do?

Goober, there's no disgrace

in being a little fish
in a big pond.

Well, I just don't want
anybody saying

I ain't got moxy.

Okay, okay.

Good morning, boys.

Hi, Clara.

How is everybody?

Fine and dandy.

Very good.

Emmett?

Huh?

Is my heating pad ready yet?

Oh, yeah.

The trouble was in your coil.

Oh.

Uh, how is your, uh...?

Oh, it's better, thank you.

If you're gonna run it all night

I'd keep it on "low."

Clara, did you get an invitation
to aunt bee's party?

Yes, I did.

I understand it's gonna
be some swanky affair.

Well, the whole thing seems
a little pretentious to me.

Well, it ain't often

we get a real tycoon
coming to town.

Well, I've always felt

that bloodlines were
more important than money.

Fifty cents, isn't it?

"...and with
the presence"

of the eminent guest of honor

"Bradford j. Taylor,

"it's certain to be the
most impressive soiree

of the social season."

That Ella.

"Don't look now, but
our gracious hostess

"will undoubtedly become

the new queen bee
of Mayberry society."

The "bee" is in quotes.

Oh, Ella is clever.

She embarrasses me.

Oh, I've got a million things
to do before tonight.

Now, I've sent Andy
down to meet Bradford.

Well, I would have supposed

he'd come in
on his own private plane.

No, no, by train.

He didn't even want to bother
anybody to go and meet him,

but I thought
it was only proper.

Now, let's see.

I've polished the silverware

and I've made the ice cream.

You made the ice cream?

Mm-hmm.

I want this to be
a very special party

for a very special guest.

Well, uh, uh,
good afternoon, officer.

Uh, b-beautiful day, isn't it?

You want to just hold it?

What were you doing
in that freight car?

Uh, freight car.

Oh, yes, officer, of course.

I can understand your confusion.

You see, when I got out
of my private car up ahead

I, uh, came back here
to look at the interior

of these freight cars

to determine if they
were commodious enough

for some shipments
that I'm planning.

I see.

It's not a simple matter,
you know,

to ship , head of Texas

longhorns.

Are you, by any chance,
Bradford j. Taylor?

Bradford j...

Well, I see news of my arrival
has preceded me.

I was hoping
I could slip into town quietly

without any fanfare.

I'm, uh, bee Taylor's nephew.

Andy Taylor.

Bee's...?

Oh. You don't mean that.

Of course. Of course.

Now I recall her writing to me

that she was living
with some relatives, yes.

You know what might be
a good idea?

If before we go home,
we stop by my office

and have a little chat.

Oh.

Well, yes, I'd be delighted.

You know, officer,

I've been admiring
your countryside.

It reminds me of a little spot

I ran across in my travels.

Let's see, now, where was it?

In the northern
part of Mozambique.

Funny. We've always said
the same thing.

Well, Andy, it's just
a temporary setback.

There's nothing
to be alarmed about.

I'm thinking of aunt bee.

Oh, dear bee.

Yes. By all odds,
my favorite relative.

Then why have you been
fooling her all these years?

Fooling her?
Who, me?

Yeah, making her think

you're some kind of
international businessman.

Well, I am, Andy.
I am.

I still claim that.

I mean, if it hadn't have been

for a few unfortunate
circumstances.

Such as?

Oh, short-sighted bankers,

unreasonable local officials,

inefficient help.

What about... what about
that copper mine in Mexico?

Oh, Andy, we came that close...

That close.

We just ran out of capital

before the shaft was completed.

What about the racetrack
in Africa?

The paper mill in Canada?

Oh, now, those were both
sound financial ventures.

It was just my great misfortune

to get caught in a squeeze
in the pound-sterling area.

I don't know what to do.

I really don't know what to do.

The way you've been
misleading aunt bee.

Oh, Andy, misleading her?

Why, these things

were always right
within my grasp.

I-I'm sure they were.

I'm sure they were.

But somehow
they slipped away from you.

Now, I'm not trying
to put you down,

but the way aunt bee's
been boasting about you,

when all this comes out,

she's going to be
embarrassed to death.

Oh...

Oh, I see.

'Course, I guess
it doesn't have to come out.

Of course.

It doesn't have to come out.

Besides, one of my projects

may come to fruition any minute.

Maybe. Maybe.

How long are you
planning to stay?

Well, I, uh...

I hadn't set any departure date

but, uh...
Whatever you suggest.

Maybe a couple of days.

Couple of days.
Yeah.

Now, aunt bee is throwing
a big party

in your honor tonight.

So, for her sake,
we won't say anything

about your coming in
on a freight train or anything.

Oh. Oh, fine.

That's fine. Right.

Yes, I will see bee
for a short while

and after my brief visit,
I shall go forth on my way

with new worlds to conquer.

Well, thank you again, my dear.

And I must say it was
very nice meeting you.

Oh, so nice to meet you.

Thank you.

Certainly cuts quite
a figure, doesn't he?

Yeah.

You can tell just by looking
at him he's important.

He's got that sweet smell
of success about him.

Uh-oh, there's Clara.

Oh, Clara, I'm so glad
you could come.

Why, I wouldn't miss it...

The soiree of the season.

I'd like to introduce you

to my cousin, Bradford Taylor.

Clara Edwards,
my dear, dear friend.

How do you do?

I'm delighted to meet you.

Bradford's just in from Mexico.

He sold his copper interests.

Oh.

My family was in cotton.

Ah.

Uncle Bradford?

Uh, yes, Opie?

Where was your mine?

The atlas doesn't
show any copper

in that part of Mexico.

D'uh...well,

my geologists assured me

there were tremendous
deposits in that area.

He's a bright lad,

isn't he?

Yes, he's a bright one.

Ope, you want to kind
of come in the kitchen

and help with the food
and ice cream and stuff?

Sure, paw.

No kidding.

Oh, yes, yes, indeed, yes.

So I sold short,
and the next day

the averages
dropped seven points

and then I parlayed
it in commodities.

Well. Mr. Taylor.

Well, thank you, my dear.

Here's a spoon,
and a spoon for you.

And there you are.

Strawberry... my favorite.

Oh. Isn't he charming?

Yes, in a rather
flamboyant sort of way.

Mmm. Oh, bee,
this is delicious.

Well, thank you.

I made it myself.

Homemade, eh?

Oh, I haven't had that in years.

Well, aunt bee makes the best.

First prize at the county fair.

Really? Well,
I can believe that.

You know something?

I've been all over the world

and this is by far
the best I've ever tasted.

Well, it's just an
old family recipe.

Oh, my dear, these things
sometimes have great value.

Yes, there's
a whole chain of shops

selling nothing
but Southern-fried chicken,

all based
on an old family recipe.

Really?

Oh, yes.
Oh, you ought

to do something about this.

Don't be silly.

I wouldn't have the slightest
idea how to go about it.

You got a real expert
right here in the family.

Oh, well, uh, yes, I, uh...

Uh, oh, no, no, no.

I, uh, I'm afraid
I wouldn't have time.

You see, uh,
I have to be in Bangkok

the early part of the week.

Uh, aunt bee?

Mmm?

Aunt bee, uh...

What

well, don't you think it's
time to serve the coffee?

Oh, yes, but did you hear
what cousin Bradford said?

He thinks my ice cream
ought to be on the market.

Oh, yeah, but you
know how he is...

Always thinking big.

I don't think it's
anything for you.

Oh, well, probably not.

Well, coffee, everybody!

Bee's homemade ice creams.

Nah...

Mayberry pride ice creams.

No.

Bradford international
ice creams.

What did Emily say?

Well, she said

it was just the most
exciting party

we've ever had in Mayberry.

Whoo-hoo.

Go ahead, ask me.

Ask you what?

What Clara said.
Don't you want to know?

Well, I just hope
she had a nice time.

Her only comment

was the party couldn't have
cost too much money,

what with homemade ice cream
and everything.

Oh, my goodness.

Too bad she puts everything
on such a basis.

She's just green with envy.

Ah, good morning, ladies.

Good morning, Bradford.
Breakfast?

No, thank you,
my dear, just coffee.

Uh, where's Andy?

Oh, he had to drive over
to mt. Pilot

but he'll be back
this afternoon.

Did you sleep well after
that wonderful party?

Well, not really, my dear.

I, uh, I had a lot of things
to think about...

Oh, exciting things.

Oh, Bradford,
what kind of things?

Well, it's your ice cream, bee.

It has a magic quality,
a quality that could cause

a major realignment in
the ice cream industry...

That is, if it were
properly marketed.

Ooh, I knew you liked it...

Liked it? Liked
it, my dear?

Why it's ambrosia.

Now, my plan would be
to market this ice cream,

this treasured family recipe,

from coast to coast.

Coast to coast?

Yeah, that is, until
we go international.

International?

Well, where's my pad?

Well, I can
hardly believe my ears.

Oh, I wish Andy were here.

Oh, Andy. Uh, I'm
afraid we can expect

some initial resistance
from Andy.

He seems to be
something of a skeptic.

Ah, but I'm sure we
can bring him around.

Well, where are we going
to get the money for all this?

Ah, the money.

Now, I've considered that,

and it seems to me

it would be only proper
to share this venture

with the good
citizens of Mayberry...

Allow them to participate,
uh, financially.

Ooh...

Well, I just know
they'd be thrilled.

Thrilled.

We'll spread the word.

Spread the word.

As you see,
it's a whole new concept...

Yes, new flavors,
new textures...

In short...
Happenings in ice cream.

You say there's
a meeting tonight at bee's?

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed,
and everyone is welcome.

Well, ladies, if you
will excuse me, I've...

My, what a pretty little lady.

Mmm...

Seems very strange
that a man who had to be

in Bangkok next week

would stop in Mayberry
to dabble in a thing like this.

The way I got it figured,

once you put up
the money tonight

the profits
will start rolling in

in two or three months.

I might go
to Florida next summer.

Hmm, well, I'm not
counting my chickens

before they're hatched.

Hi, guys.

Andy, we were talking
about the biggest thing

that's happened to Mayberry.

Well, what?

The deal, Andy, the deal.

I've been in
mt. Pilot all day.

What deal?

I guess you ain't heard.

Bradford's starting a chain
of ice cream stores

and it's going to go
from coast to coast.

He's letting everybody
in Mayberry in on it.

I'll see you.

Oh, hello, Andy.

I heard about
this ice cream thing.

Isn't it exciting?

Bradford ought to be right back,

and then he can tell you

all about the business end
of it.

Aunt bee...

What's the matter?

Well...

You might as well stay
and hear this, too, Opie.

I wasn't leaving.

Well, uh...

You know how we, uh...

Sometimes tend to put people
on a pedestal?

I might as well
come right out with it.

I caught your cousin Bradford

trying to slip into town
in a freight car.

Andy...

You mean he's a bum?

Oh, no, no, he-he's not a bum.

Why, he owns a sheep ranch
in Australia

and a coffee
plantation in Brazil.

No...
He...

No, he doesn't.

He doesn't?

No. I'm sorry.

He's just one
of those big promoters

that never made it.

You mean
all those letters were lies?

No, no, not lies exactly.

I think he was fooling himself
as much as he was fooling you.

But the important thing is

he is not the big businessman
that you think he is,

and I wouldn't want my money
with him.

The ice cream parlors...

Everybody's planning
to put their money in it.

Yeah, but nobody's lost
any money yet.

Oh, how am I going
to face my friends,

and especially Clara?

Andy, we have to move.

I can't move
till after graduation.

Now, wait,
we're not going to move,

and just try not to worry,

and I'll take care
of everything.

No, no, no, it's
my responsibility.

I'll tell them the truth...

At the meeting tonight.

Ah, good news, good news.

I just got
the minister's blessing

and a pledge for $ .

Bradford, I think we better go

in the living room
and have a little talk.

Yes, but I would like...

W-Well, Andy, I-I see
you've heard of our venture,

an-and I sensed what your
immediate reaction would be

b-but I want to point out...

L-l-l-l-l-look, now, I
know that your intentions

were of the very best,

but let me just
put it to you straight.

I don't want aunt bee
and the other people in Mayberry

to get involved
with short-sighted bankers

or get caught in a squeeze

in the pound sterling areas.

No, but, Andy, uh,
this is a fabulous opportunity.

I'm sure it is,

but we're just going to have
to pass it by.

But, Andy...

When can you leave?

Whenever you suggest.

Right now.

Right now?

Right now.

It would be for the best.

B-But my leaving will put bee
in a very embarrassing position

at th-that meeting tonight.

I'm sure it will,
but we'll just have to manage...

Uncle Bradford.

Oh.

I still hated to see him go.

Well, I offered
to drive him to the station,

but he said he'd rather walk.

Well, I'm glad he took
it philosophically.

Yeah.

Uh, I slipped him a few bucks
so he could get by.

So did I.

Now, um, about this meeting...

They'll be here in a little bit.

Now, you sure you don't want
to go upstairs

and let me explain everything
to them?

No, no, I prefer
to face them myself.

I'll just simply
tell them the truth,

and it's better from
me than from Clara.

She's suspicious already,

and if she ever got wind of
this and she told everybody,

well, it would look like
I was concealing something.

Mr. Taylor.

Oh!

Oh, well...

Well, uh...
Miss Edwards, I believe.

Why, you're leaving us,
Mr. Taylor.

I thought you'd be
at the meeting tonight.

Oh, no-no-no, I'm-i'm-I'm afraid

I won't be able to attend.

I really must be on my way.

Is anything wrong?

Wrong?

Wrong?

Why, no, I...

You can tell me.

I'm practically one
of the family.

Oh.

Well, I suppose
the time has come

for perfect frankness
and honesty.

The truth of the matter is...

Emmett says we
can't have pistachio.

Oh, why not, Emmett?

I didn't say
we couldn't have it.

I just said
we're all partners now,

so we have to vote on it.

Let's hear it for aunt bee.

Please, please.

I have something
I'd like to tell you.

If you'll all quiet down,

aunt bee has an important
announcement to make.

Shh, shh!

Shh.

Shh.

Dear friends...

Oh, bee...

Oh, oh, Clara.

I just ran into your cousin

on the way to the
railroad station.

Have you told them yet?

I was about to.

He told me why he was leaving.

Uh, would you like me

to inform all our
dear friends here

or will you?

Well, why don't you, Clara?

You seem very anxious.

She knows.

Oh, why did she have to
be the one to find out?

Ladies and gentlemen

I'm afraid you're all going
to have to forget

your little ice cream business
and your visions of wealth.

Well, how come?

Well, what happened?

I'll tell you

exactly what happened.

Bradford Taylor was called away
by the state department

to deal with a shipping crisis
in the far east.

What?

He asked me to convey

his deepest regret,

and he's sorry
that he had to leave

before his enterprise
could be started

but as he said,

"a man's country comes
before his private gain."

Oh.
Oh.

There's a real American.

And all we were thinking about
was ice cream.

It's our patriotic duty
to let him go.

He gave me a little kiss
for us all to remember him by.

Do you know what I think?

I think Mayberry
has been blessed

with a visit from greatness.

You gonna set 'em straight?

Well, in all fairness,
Andy, what would I say?

We don't know that
the state department

didn't call Bradford.

We're not absolutely sure.

No.

No, you're right.

We-we're not absolutely sure.

Anything today?

Yes, finally a letter
from Bradford.

No kidding?

I wondered if he'd ever
write us again.

Where is he?

Some place in Minnesota.

Minnesota?

What's he doing up there?

He's in the fur business.

No kidding?

Maybe he finally got
into something solid, huh?

Yes.

There's a fortune
in the fur business.

Which end of it is he in?
Does he say?

Breeding.

He's interested in some kind
of a breeding farm.

He's working on a system of
crossing mink with rabbits.

What?

He hopes to capture the entire
mink-dyed rabbit market.