08x20 - The Church Benefactors

[bunniefuu]

Can't you get that
back part to stay down?

It always sticks up there.

I think maybe my hair's
different there or something.

I don't know why.

All comes out of the same head.

Andy, you have any idea
what the announcement is

that the reverend's
going to make?

No, I don't. Must be
something important though.

Opie, do you have your money
for the collection?

For the collection?

Yeah.

I've just got
to cover the roast.

How much you planning

on putting in the plate today?

A quarter.
Like every sunday.

Hmm. Just asking.

Think it's okay if it's
a Canadian quarter?

You having a little trouble
unloading it?

None of the stores will take it.

Well, what good do you think

it's going to do the church?

Maybe it could be a
missionary offering.

Guess I better put
in a regular quarter.

I would.
Mmm.

Well, I'm ready.
Let's hurry.

Oh, we've got plenty of time.

It's not that.

It's that Mabel trotter
has never sung

the soprano part
with the choir before.

And Clara and I have to warn her

not to make a solo out of it.

You know Mabel.

Come along.
All right.

♪ His grace implore

♪ his holy name confessing

♪ o master,
thyself we need... ♪

I'll sell it to you
for cents.

♪ And still those words
so cheering ♪

♪ Across the years are striven ♪

♪ Our humble prayer

♪ o lord, we are believing

♪ we give and receive
in prayer ♪

♪ O sunlit shore

♪ how prized
thine ancient glory ♪

♪ That glory
our hearts may share ♪

♪ From days of yore

♪ we hear the old, sweet story

♪ beholding our master there

♪ for still
we hear him speaking ♪

♪ We see the hungry fed

♪ dear lord of all

♪ we true with them
are seeking ♪

♪ O Grant us thy living prayer ♪

Well, that certainly was
inspirational.

Before we close the services
this morning

I have an announcement to make
that concerns us all.

As you know, we have recently
suffered the loss

of one of our oldest
parishioners, Mr. Jared hooper

who passed on in his rd year.

Wonderful man.

Wonder what went wrong with him?

I have been notified that
Mr. Hooper, in his will

has remembered the church
in the amount of $ .

By the terms of the will,
Mr. Hooper has instructed

that this money be used
for the benefit of the church.

They could use it
to pad these pews.

Shh!

Now, I'm sure there are
a number of you people

who will have ideas
and suggestions

as to how this money
may best be spent.

On Thursday night

we plan to have a meeting
of the finance committee.

Our chairman, sheriff Taylor,
Mrs. Emmett Clark, and myself.

This meeting will be held
in my office

and at that time, those of you
who do have suggestions

may submit them for the
consideration of the committee.

Miss Edwards, if you will,
please?

Looks like you have
your work cut out for you.

Yeah. I hope there are not
too many suggestions.

Emmett! Emmett!
Excuse me.

Emmett.
Emmett.

What

I'm calling a meeting

of the building
and safety committee.

But Charlie bradshaw's
out of town.

Okay. You
and me then.

This $ is what we need to fix
the church foundation.

Hey, yeah. But we'll need
some facts and figures.

Right.
Hello, Martha.

I enjoyed the sermon,
didn't you?

Lovely.

Excuse me.

Just a minute, Andy.

Clara, I wanted to get you
before you got away.

I think we know how
that money should be spent.

We certainly do.

I think we should call
a meeting tomorrow

and discuss how best
to present our suggestion.

Yes, we must be well prepared.

I'm going to tell
all the other girls.

Are you coming?

Just a minute.

And, Clara, remember

this time it's
a fight to the end.

Exactly.

Just a minute.

Sounds like aunt bee's
gonna make a suggestion.

In no uncertain terms.

Wish I'd done a little more
praying this morning.

Morning, ladies.

Hi, Andy.

Oh, you know, reverend,
I nearly didn't recognize you

without your high collar.

Well, today is my day
to visit the flock

and wearing one of these things

makes me look less forbidding.

Oh.

Besides that, I
have a short neck

and those high collars
kind of get to me

every once in a while.

Oh, say, Andy.

Don't forget about
the meeting tonight.

Oh, no, no.
I'll be there.

Will there be many suggestions,
as far as you know?

Well, some people
are going to make presentations.

Aunt bee for one.

She won't tell me what it is.

Do you anticipate any fireworks?

Hard to tell.

Might be a good idea if you
wear your high collar.

Yeah, well, in case any
hard feelings do develop

I've got a brotherly love sermon

all ready for sunday.

Oh, that's a good idea.

I'll see you there.
Okay.

I guess they're about all here.

We might as well...

Um... um, Howard?
Howard

uh, I guess everybody
that's coming is here

so we might as well get started.

Uh... oh, you?

No, you go ahead.

Okay. Okay.

Well, who'd like to make
the first suggestion?

Uh, well, I always say
ladies first.

Thank you.

Distinguished members
of the finance committee,

I have been chosen to speak

on behalf of the ladies
of the church choir.

As you all know,

for as long as the choir
has been active,

we've been singing
without benefit of choir robes.

And you've all been aware,
I'm sure,

that when other choirs
from other churches

have visited us as guest
performers,

they have invariably worn
the conventional robes.

That's very true.

We, on the other hand,
have been very reluctant

to accept any outside
engagements

because of our lack
of proper costuming.

We feel that lack
even more keenly

at our very own sunday services.

I know that you've
wanted these robes

for quite some time.

Yes, reverend.

And we requested them

whenever there was surplus
in the treasury.

But, invariably,
the choir has been ignored,

and the money was spent
for other purposes.

Aunt bee, do you have
any figures

on what the cost might be?

More than that.

With the committee's permission

miss Clara Edwards will model
the robe we have in mind.

Clara?

Now, this robe is made
of heavy polished cotton.

The collar is detachable,

made of poplin and guaranteed
wrinkle-proof.

Now, the cost of
this robe is $ . .

And the cost of outfitting

the entire choir
and the organist

comes to $ . .

Plus state tax.

That will do, Clara.
Thank you.

Well, I think we've
got the picture.

Any questions, Martha?

Reverend?

I have the picture.

Okay, then, who's next?

Uh, your pleasure, elmo.

Oh, uh... well...

My suggestion wasn't anything
as religious as that.

Well, it has to do with
the church, though, I assume.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I mean, uh...

Well, I was thinking
we might buy a pool table

and put it down in the basement
of the church

for when we have
the men's club meetings.

You know what I mean, uh,
Emmett...

We might get a bigger turnout.

Yeah, we could have tournaments.

The losers buy the beer. Emmett!

Sister.

Well, it was only a suggestion.

I guess the robes are
better, though, huh?

I'm in accord with that.

Howard, I guess you and Emmett
are next.

Thank you.

The, uh...

The, uh, building
and safety committee

would like to give you

a graphic description
of their proposal.

As someone once said

"a picture is worth more
than a thousand words"

and I intend to use both.

Uh, just put the pictures up,
Emmett, please.

Now...

This is the church

as it was five years ago.

This is before we had
the drainage problem

from the property next door.

During heavy rains,
in order to allow the water

to run out into the street

it became necessary
to dig a drainage ditch

alongside the church.

This is the, uh, ditch...

Right here.

Now, in doing this,
we were shortsighted.

The constant drainage
along the foundation

on this side of the church
over the years

has caused a settling
in the foundation.

And this...

Emmett?

This is the result.

This is the church
as it appears today.

Point of order.

Would you tell us exactly

how much the church is leaning?

Well, as close as we can figure,

it's out of plumb
about five inches.

Well, it's been like that
for years.

That's very true.

But there are
constant stresses at work

and these stresses could
eventually cause cracks

and damage
to the entire structure.

Oh, I think they're
just being alarmists.

The tower of pisa's been leaning
for hundreds of years

and nothing's happened to it.

Well, now, that's an entirely
different matter, aunt bee.

According to
the estimates we have,

the foundation can be
raised on this side

and have the whole building
level for about $ .

In my opinion, this is something
that should be fixed.

I must say there doesn't seem

to be any great urgency to me.

No. The choir robes would
give something to the church

for everyone to see
and appreciate

not something under the ground
somewhere.

There's no point in arguing
back and forth.

Settle for the pool table.

That'd be a compromise.

Well, what does
the committee say?

They're the ones
who have to decide.

Well, I think I've
indicated how I feel.

As important as
the choir robes are,

I feel that the church itself

should be given
first consideration.

Martha?

Well, we've all gotten used
to the church being on a slant.

No one's ever fallen.

I vote for the robes.

That leaves it up
to you, Mr. Chairman.

Well, my feeling is...

That, uh, we've got
all the facts.

Uh...

And, uh...

I don't think that we need to
make a decision on this tonight.

Uh, I'd, uh...
I'd like to think about it.

And, uh...

Shall we, uh... adjourn?

Boy, that was real good.

Yeah, it was, real good.

Roast beef's one of your
favorites isn't it?

Yeah. She had
all my favorites.

All we need now to
have a perfect meal

is pumpkin pie ala mode.

And for dessert...

Pumpkin pie ala mode.

There we are.

Is this what they call
lobbying, pa?

If you mean is she working on me

for the choir robes,
I'd say yes.

A very good dinner, aunt bee.

Well, thank you, Andy.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Could I ask you something?

Mm-hmm.

Are you, by any chance,
trying to influence my decision

on how to spend that $ ?

Definitely.

Andy, we want those choir robes.

I'm deadly serious.

Oh, aunt bee...

We've been put off
year after year.

There's always been something
more important.

Now, we're determined
to make a stand.

Well, the fact
that the church is leaning

is important, too.

Not to me it isn't...

Just to a few people
like Howard sprague

who always worry
about something or other.

Does that include the reverend?

Yes, as long as you bring it up.

I wouldn't give you two cents

for what he knows
about foundations.

Don't you repeat that.

Andy, I'm going to be
very straightforward with you.

I've discussed this
with the girls in the choir

and we've decided
that if we don't get the robes

we're going
to disband the choir.

You're not.

We are.
Our minds are made up.

To stand up,
week in and week out

singing those beautiful hymns

inspired by our lord
without proper raiment,

we'd just rather not do it.

But we've always had a choir.

I'm very sorry, Andy.

Those are our feelings

so you, as the deciding
vote on the committee,

it's entirely up to you.

I'll get your coffee.

You know, pa...

What?

I got a feeling
if you decide on the foundation,

you're not going
to see pumpkin pie again

for a long time.

Hello, aunt bee.

Aunt bee...

Aunt bee!

Hmm?
Oh, hello, Howard.

I hope you don't think
there was anything personal

in the building
and safety committee's attitude.

Howard, I hadn't really thought.

It's just that we believe

that structural problems
are of prime importance.

Well, Howard, there also happens

to be the aesthetic importance
of the church.

Churches have survived on faith
and hymns and joyous occasion.

Their survival is not dependent

on whether they lean five inches
one way or the other.

Yes, but where will
these joyous occasions be held

and these hymns be sung
if you don't have a church

with a solid, safe,
and enduring substructure?

Howard, it's futile
for you and me to discuss this.

We know how the reverend feels

and we know
how Martha Clark feels.

The decision
is entirely up to Andy.

Good day, Howard.

Good day.

Andy, don't think
that I don't know

that you're on a
bit of a spot here.

Yeah, you might say
it's a little ticklish.

I know...

Especially when it
involves a relative.

Well, yeah,
but it's-it's more than that.

I'm afraid whichever way I vote

I might cause a split
in the church

and we'd have
two different factions

you know?

Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

It seems to me that we were

up against a situation
like this once before

when we were trying to decide

about painting
the church or not.

Mmm...

Remember, there were some folks

that thought we ought
to take that money

and install air conditioning?

Yeah.

That argument still flares up
every now and then

when we hit a hot sunday.

Hi, reverend.

Hi, Howard.

Andy.

Hello, Howard.

Andy, I just bumped
into aunt bee and...

Well, I'd like to
withdraw my proposal

to raise the church foundation.

Oh, no, Howard, no.

Now, Andy, look, really

it's just going to
cause too much trouble.

No. No-no-no.

I've-I've always felt
that the church foundation

was more important and I guess

I just didn't have the nerve
to vote for it.

Yeah, but I can see

where those robes have
an importance, too.

Mmm...

Thanks for trying
to help, Howard.

I'll call a little
informal meeting later on today

and tell them that my vote goes
for the church foundation.

Yep.

Golly, reverend, you know

the church has been so good
to all of us over the years.

You'd... well,
you'd kind of hope

it could get us
out of a situation like this.

Howard...

I often seek guidance
in the Bible

and most of the time, I get it.

But this situation
is rather unique...

Drainage problem,
heavy rains, flooding.

There's not much in
the Bible about that

outside of maybe
the story of Noah

and I'm afraid that we're
not going to be able

to solve our problem
with a boat.

No, I guess not.

It's just that, well, I kinda...

Hey...

What is it, Howard?

What time did you say

you were going to call
that little informal meeting?

Oh, about : .

Is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

Look, I got to run along now.
I'll see you later.

All right. We might
as well, uh...

I was sure Howard
would be here by now

but we won't hold up the meeting
any longer.

As chairman
of the finance committee

I'm not gonna use
any flowery words or anything.

I've given it a lot of thought

and I've come
to the conclusion...

Andy...

Yes, Howard?

I'd like your permission
to speak, if I may.

Oh, sure, go ahead.

Uh, folks,
earlier this afternoon

I made an offhand comment
to the reverend here

about how it
would be just wonderful

if the church

could give us an answer
to a church problem.

That's what I've been
working on.

Howard, I don't think

any of us
are quite following you.

Well, let me explain.

The church is not only going

to be made entirely level again,

as recommended by the building
and safety committee,

but our glorious ladies' choir

shall have their robes, as well.

Uh, Howard,
th-the obvious question:

"How can we have both?"

That's very simple, really.

The $ will go
for the choir robes

and, well, as for
the foundation,

we can thank Noah.

"Genesis," chapters six to ten

where the land was flooded...

Go on, Howard.

Well, it occurred to
me that if-if we were

to flood the other side
of the church building

and lower that side
by five inches

we'd have a perfectly level
building again.

Well...

You're saying lower one side

instead of raising the other?

Exactly.

If flooding did
it on the one side

it could do it on the other.

I've checked it all
out with an engineer.

Well, well...

What do you think, reverend?

I'm game.

Howard, does that mean
we're going to get our robes?

Oh, unless you'd prefer
a pool table.

♪ Ah...

♪ the lord bless you
and keep you ♪

♪ The lord lift his countenance
upon you ♪

♪ And give you peace

♪ and give you peace

♪ and give you peace

♪ and give you peace

♪ the lord makes his face
to shine upon you ♪

♪ And be gracious

♪ and be gracious

♪ unto you

♪ and be gracious...

♪ the lord be gracious,
gracious unto you ♪

♪ Amen

♪ amen

♪ amen

♪ amen

♪ amen

♪ amen

♪ amen

♪ amen...

You really came up
with the answer, Howard.

Oh, not me.

♪ Amen

Well, it was just something
we couldn't foresee.

How long did we have
that water running?

Nearly two weeks.

So instead of lowering
that side five inches,

you figure it's gone
down about eight.

That's what she measures.

So now it's leaning

three inches in
the other direction.

Right.

The ground was just
a lot softer than we figured.

Any chance of lowering
the other side

another three?

Not a chance.

That side of the foundation

is sitting on solid rock now.

What's the answer, Howard?

Only one, as far as I can see.

It's to raise the low side,

which, uh, used to be
the high side,

but you're talking about
a lot of money again.

I know one thing for sure.

The women ain't gonna
give up them robes.

No.

Of course there's
always a chance

we get something
willed to us again.

Mm, yeah.

Possible.

Nothing to count on.

Just a matter of being patient.